13 yr old son, lies & porn

[Criticality]

No, it is not natural for boys to obsess to watch porn. Yes, it is normal for boys to have an interest in sex. But most boys do not spend their time looking at porn.

 

Porn obsession for a developing teen can easily lead to problems in developing proper relationships as he gets older. A simple curiosity is healthy. An obsession is not.

 

Nonsense.

(Well, despite the obsession part, which I agree with. We probably disagree on what constitutes an obsession.)

 

Teenagers have had easy access to pornography in Europe since the 70ies. In the US since the 80ies.

 

And teenagers, especially boys, have been looking at massive amounts of pornography ever since. I suppose a few teenagers might not have seen porn, buts a tiny minority.

 

And yet, there has been little evidence that porn by itself has done any harm. No sudden spikes in rapes or objectification in the 1990ies even after decades of teenagers watching porn.

 

The consensus of most mainstream psychologists (though you can always find psychologists who approach it either from a religious or a feminist stance) is the same. Just watching porn doesn't lead to problems, either with developing relationships or otherwise.

The worst side effect of teenage boys watching porn, is probably the money spent on paper towels and tissues all of a sudden.

[KathyM]

SURPRISE! Clear the headlines!

 

Teenagers watch a lot of porn, and a headline hungry "expert" manages to turn it into an "addiction" in order to sell more books.

 

Who could have seen it coming?!?

 

You can find experts who say that paedophilia doesn't cause any harm either, no matter what your stance on sexuality, you can find experts and studies that back it up. Cause its such a politicized issue. The consensus seems to be however, that pornography by itself doesn't cause harm.

When porn overtakes a person's life. When he engages in watching it, despite negative consequences for doing so. When he becomes obsessed by it, it has become an addiction which needs intervention to break the addiction. Just like other addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. In fact, the reason it is addicting is the same reason those other vices are addicting. It stimulates the pleasure center of the brain, which produces chemicals in the brain which are addictive. The brain starts to crave that chemical high, and the person can actually experience withdrawal symptoms when not engaging in that activity. I did a research project on the subject. I've learned the effects it has on the brain. I read and viewed testimonies of people (most of whom were teens) who were addicted to porn, and how it negatively affected their lives. I think I know a thing or two about the subject, and not just talking out of my ass.

[haggard969]

not a big deal. i was having sex at 13 . let him jerk it or hell go n get it

[Criticality]

So we should dismiss all experts? All studies that show effects of anything should now be dismissed because there will always be one that disagrees?

 

Nope, and nice strawman btw! You need to be careful to look at how the study is done, and whether the main purpose is to enforce existing beliefs or not.

 

There are studies that show that 9/11 was a "controlled demolition" but that's not the consensus opinion.

 

Hmmm...by the "experts" that agree with you?

 

Nah, by objective experts who don't have any agenda. And they seem to agree with me

 

Here are two pieces on the subject:

 

The studies that claim porn is harmful approach the subject from a specific predetermined angle, and are therefore shoddy...

BBC News - Do we know whether pornography harms people?

 

And from Psychology Today: Porn causes no social harm...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200904/does-pornography-cause-social-harm

[JamesM]

Nonsense.

(Well, despite the obsession part, which I agree with. We probably disagree on what constitutes an obsession.)

 

Glad you disagree but hardly nonsense.

 

Teenagers have had easy access to pornography in Europe since the 70ies. In the US since the 80ies.

 

Yes and no. Compared to today, it was not. NOW they have easy access with dubious thanks to the internet.

 

And teenagers, especially boys, have been looking at massive amounts of pornography ever since.

 

I think we would have to define massive amounts. I don't agree that the majority have. But I am open to any studies that support your opinion. Yes, the majority have seen porn but that doesn't mean they continually watch it uncontrolled.

 

I suppose a few teenagers might not have seen porn, buts a tiny minority.

 

Some statistical support. But again, I agree that few have seen it, but that is different than this situation which is about continuously watching it since the age of SEVEN...hardly during the tennage years.

 

And yet, there has been little evidence that porn by itself has done any harm. 

 

What kind of evidence are you looking for?

 

Teens and Internet Pornography | Psych Central

Men Who Use Pornography at Young Age May Lose Interest Later, Experience Sexual Dysfunction | Rehab Center

 

And there are more.

 

No sudden spikes in rapes or objectification in the 1990ies even after decades of teenagers watching porn.

 

Rape is more connected to violence and rage not sexual lust.

Objectification? That would be hard to define but look around and more marriages break up now than they did before pron became prevalent.

 

The consensus of most mainstream psychologists (though you can always find psychologists who approach it either from a religious or a feminist stance) is the same. Just watching porn doesn't lead to problems, either with developing relationships or otherwise.

 

We are talking about preteen and teens here not simply adults watching porn. But perhaps you have a link to these "mainstream psychologists" who are your "experts?"

 

The worst side effect of teenage boys watching porn, is probably the money spent on paper towels and tissues all of a sudden.

 

Many would disagree with you.

 

As a parent, I would find that there are definitely worse side effects based on what I have read.

[Criticality]

When porn overtakes a person's life. When he engages in watching it, despite negative consequences for doing so. When he becomes obsessed by it, it has become an addiction which needs intervention to break the addiction.

 

Sure, porn and sex can become an addiction.

 

But it needs to be seen in context.

 

If an adult watches porn daily or several times daily, it can be an addiction. If a teenager watches that amount of porn, its fairly normal behavior.

[Criticality]

As for the damaging effects of porn, let me just quote from the Psychology Today article I linked to...

 

Guess what. Since the arrival of Internet porn:

 

* Sexual irresponsibility has declined. Standard measures include rates of abortion and sexually transmitted infections. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), since 1990, the nation's abortion rate has fallen 41 percent. The syphilis rate has plummeted 74 percent. And the gonorrhea rate has plunged 57 percent.

 

* Teen sex has declined. The CDC says that since 1991, the proportion of teens who have had intercourse has decreased 7 percent. Teen condom use has increased 16 percent. And the teen birth rate has fallen 33 percent.

 

* Divorce has declined. Since 1990, the divorce rate has decreased 23 percent.

 

* Rape has declined. According to the Justice Department's National Crime Victimization Survey, since 1995, the sexual assault rate has fallen 44 percent.

[JamesM]

Nope, and nice strawman btw! You need to be careful to look at how the study is done, and whether the main purpose is to enforce existing beliefs or not.

 

Not a strawman. Simply carrying your logic to its full conclusions.

 

 

Nah, by objective experts who don't have any agenda. And they seem to agree with me

 

Here are two pieces on the subject:

 

The studies that claim porn is harmful approach the subject from a specific predetermined angle, and are therefore shoddy...

BBC News - Do we know whether pornography harms people?

 

This isn't even relevant to this discussion as it involves ADULT MEN and not teens. We would be having a different discussion if this were the topic.

 

And from Psychology Today: Porn causes no social harm...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200904/does-pornography-cause-social-harm

 

And this link does have some good points but draws conclusions that may or may not be connected. STDs may have dropped because more people use condoms...not because they watch more porn. Rape is connected to violence more than to porn.

 

And oddly, teen sex may have dropped because....porn is being substituted for relationships.

 

Any other expert could find fault with this article as you see I provided links that say the opposite but are regarding teens only and not adults.

 

Here is an interesting paragraph from your article:

I'm not arguing that porn is utterly harmless. Some men consume it so compulsively that it interferes with their lives. They need therapy. Some women become distraught when they discover that the men in their lives enjoy porn. They might benefit from couple therapy. And to the extent that porn is a sex educator, it teaches lovemaking all wrong. More about this in a future post.

 

Your article does say that only 42% of teens have seen porn BTW. Certainly not the majority.

[JamesM]

As for the damaging effects of porn, let me just quote from the Psychology Today article I linked to...

 

Guess what. Since the arrival of Internet porn:

 

* Sexual irresponsibility has declined. Standard measures include rates of abortion and sexually transmitted infections. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), since 1990, the nation's abortion rate has fallen 41 percent. The syphilis rate has plummeted 74 percent. And the gonorrhea rate has plunged 57 percent.

 

Schools educate teens more now than then. Teens use condoms more.

 

* Teen sex has declined. The CDC says that since 1991, the proportion of teens who have had intercourse has decreased 7 percent. Teen condom use has increased 16 percent. And the teen birth rate has fallen 33 percent.

 

Neither relevant except maybe porn is a substitute.

 

* Divorce has declined. Since 1990, the divorce rate has decreased 23 percent.

 

Seriously? But that is probably related to many other factors besides porn.

 

* Rape has declined. According to the Justice Department's National Crime Victimization Survey, since 1995, the sexual assault rate has fallen 44 percent.

 

Again, irrelevant even if they do include it. Rape is about violence.

[KathyM]

Here are some facts I found in my research:

 

 

7out of 10 teens have been exposed to internet pornography.

 

The average age internet porn is first viewed is 11 years old.

 

The majority of internet porn users are 12 to 17 years of age.

 

With internet porn so readily available, many kids are susceptible to developing an addiction to viewing internet porn.

 

Adolescent boys are the primary group addicted to internet porn, but girls are becomingaddicted as well, as are young children as young as 8 or 9 years old.

 

Only3% of porn websites require proof of age before granting access.

 

Children are ten times more likely to develop an addiction to internet porn than adults.

 

This is based on actual research and studies done, not somebody's blog.

Edited October 21, 2013 by KathyM

[Criticality]

Well take a peek to ease your concerns here then:

Apparently teens are quite adapt at not being "harmed" by pornography. The most surprising fact here is that 92% of the Swedish girls here have looked at porn, which probably means that something like 99% of teenage boys have seen porn.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201105/how-does-internet-porn-affect-teens-really

 

"But broad social indices don't get inside young people's heads and tell us what teens think of pornography. That's why I was delighted to read a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research that explored how 73 middle-class Swedish teens, age 14 to 20, actually felt about pornography. I find the results reassuring. The researchers conclude: "Most participants had acquired the skills to navigate the pornographic landscape in a sensible manner. Most had the ability to distinguish between pornographic fantasies on the one hand, and real sexual interactions and relationships on the other."

 

Previous studies have shown that 92 percent of Swedish teens admit having viewed Internet porn. Girls often stumble on it accidentally. Boys are much more likely to seek it out. No surprise there."

 

As for porn substituting real relationships, that notion is laughable. Girls don't become any less interesting because a boy has seen porn. If there really was a cause and effect between pornography and lack of real relationships, I'm pretty sure somebody would have noticed that correlation if there was anything to be concerned about. Especially since porn has been legal and widely available since the 70ies and 80ies...

[theothersully]

Pfft... I think I was masturbating to porn at like 7 yrs old too. No big thing. Just let him be himself as long as he isn't costing you money.

 

Leave that pent up and there could be behavioral problems.

[Criticality]

Here are some facts I found in my research:

 

 

7out of 10 teens have been exposed to internet pornography.

 

The average age internet porn is first viewed is 11 years old.

 

The majority of internet porn users are 12 to 17 years of age.

 

With internet porn so readily available, many kids are susceptible to developing an addiction to viewing internet porn.

 

Adolescent boys are the primary group addicted to internet porn, but girls are becomingaddicted as well, as are young children as young as 8 or 9 years old.

 

Only3% of porn websites require proof of age before granting access.

 

Children are ten times more likely to develop an addiction to internet porn than adults.

.

 

So all is good and well, in other words, and teenagers watch porn, just like they've always done. Good!

(The number of teenagers exposed to Internet pornography is a little low. In Sweden studies have shown that its over 90%. That might be a cultural or national difference though)

 

The only problem with what you're citing is the "addiction" part. But that again depends on how you define "addiction". A teenage boy watching porn every day would be fairly normal, but an adult watching porn every day could have a problem.

 

I suspect though, that the majority of men in their 20ies and 30ies could have been considered as "porn addicts" in their teen years, if the definition is loose enough. And as they got older, they cut back on the porn like guys usually do.

[KathyM]

 

Here are some testimonies of teens who are addicted to porn.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

Guess what. Since the arrival of Internet porn:

 

* Sexual irresponsibility has declined. Standard measures include rates of abortion and sexually transmitted infections. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), since 1990, the nation's abortion rate has fallen 41 percent. The syphilis rate has plummeted 74 percent. And the gonorrhea rate has plunged 57 percent.

 

* Teen sex has declined. The CDC says that since 1991, the proportion of teens who have had intercourse has decreased 7 percent. Teen condom use has increased 16 percent. And the teen birth rate has fallen 33 percent.

 

* Divorce has declined. Since 1990, the divorce rate has decreased 23 percent.

 

* Rape has declined. According to the Justice Department's National Crime Victimization Survey, since 1995, the sexual assault rate has fallen 44 percent.

 

 

 

Interesting wording there...

 

The implication that you credit internet porn for any or all of that is silly. What if the arrival of Whitehouse.gov, Lycos.com, or Yahoo.com were the elements responsible for such data? Or what if it was Bill Clinton's "arrival" in the White House which triggered all of that? (if Hillary can stay married, everybody should make the effort...)

 

Did you ever consider that it may have been the internet as a whole, which helped disadvantaged young people (and anybody, really) gain easy and discreet access to educational information which is most responsible for those changes?

[pteromom]

Oh please, a 13 year old kid is smart enough to know that there is a difference between real life and movies, whether pornographic or not.

 

Really? Have you not READ the posts on Loveshack? About how guys are unable to be turned on by "messy" vaginas? About how guys feel inadequate, small, scared to try sex? About how guys get angry if girls aren't into BJs or anal or threesomes or whatever?

 

I have even seen SERIOUS posts on here from guys who think that girls like certain acts because they saw it on porn.

 

It's not the same thing as a shooting movie, because in real life, most of us aren't at war or trying to take down drug lords. But sex *IS* part of real life.

 

As long as teens also get sex-ed and have a healthy discussion with adults, there's nothing inherently evil about pornograghy.

 

Again, if the boy was 17, I might agree with you. I am NOT anti-porn (in moderation and if it isn't interfering with someone's relationship). This is a 13 year old kid though.

 

Teenagers have been watching porn, and had easy access to porn since the 70ies. Especially in Europe. And guess what, we still haven't seen any sudden, massive spike of rape, objectification or hospitalizations of teenagers related to anal penetration.

 

No. But how is it affecting sex within marriages? How is it affecting the sexual self-esteem of the men and women who compare themselves to it? How is it affecting what is viewed as "normal"? How is it affecting what lengths girls go to to be seen as sexually desirable? How is it affecting how extreme something has to be to turn a guy on? How is it affecting being able to connect sexually on an EMOTIONAL level vs. sex being all about acts and body parts?

 

And I disagree that there has been easy access to porn since the 70s (Playboy isn't the same thing as internet porn.) Today's porn culture is pretty new... this whole concept of being able to seek and find ANYTHING you can think of sexually. The ability to constantly ramp things up to make it more and more exciting. That doesn't go back to the 70s and it is early to truly see the effects of it.

 

But - this isn't about general porn use. It's about a little boy. And he's STILL a little boy.

[Criticality]

Interesting wording there...

 

The implication that you credit internet porn for any or all of that is silly. What if the arrival of Whitehouse.gov, Lycos.com, or Yahoo.com were the elements responsible for such data? Or what if it was Bill Clinton's "arrival" in the White House which triggered all of that? (if Hillary can stay married, everybody should make the effort...)

 

Did you ever consider that it may have been the internet as a whole, which helped disadvantaged young people (and anybody, really) gain easy and discreet access to educational information which is most responsible for those changes?

 

No one is crediting Internet porn for anything.

Except for the people that claim its harmful blah blah.

 

But apparently many of the things that people are worried that porn might lead to when teenagers watch it, have become better not worse.

 

And as for 13 year olds watching porn, we can all breathe a sigh of relief, since... Well I guess this article bears repeating:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201105/how-does-internet-porn-affect-teens-really

 

But broad social indices don't get inside young people's heads and tell us what teens think of pornography. That's why I was delighted to read a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research that explored how 73 middle-class Swedish teens, age 14 to 20, actually felt about pornography. I find the results reassuring. The researchers conclude: "Most participants had acquired the skills to navigate the pornographic landscape in a sensible manner. Most had the ability to distinguish between pornographic fantasies on the one hand, and real sexual interactions and relationships on the other."

 

Previous studies have shown that 92 percent of Swedish teens admit having viewed Internet porn. Girls often stumble on it accidentally. Boys are much more likely to seek it out. No surprise there.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

When porn overtakes a person's life. When he engages in watching it, despite negative consequences for doing so.

 

 

 

That highlighted phrase is the clincher for "addiction".

 

 

A random teen watching porn for 4 hours each evening is not an 'addict' until such time as when he is engaging in the activity despite negative consequences upon the rest of his life. (a sensible parent should have more in mind than merely creating these consequences with no real outside reason -- it's one thing to create consequences for a son who doesn't use a condom each time he has sex with a girlfriend so the girl won't become pregnant but quite another to say: "you can't watch porn because I said so!" and then punish him for watching anyway)

 

 

As everybody knows, teen (males, especially) are extreeeeeemely curious and interested in the female body, and in sex... so society is presently evolving through the still-early stages of the glut of information/opportunities for porn viewing which simply weren't available when most of their parents were being raised. With that in mind, the chances of today's average parent getting it right are founded mostly in good instincts and in flexibility.

[KathyM]

That highlighted phrase is the clincher for "addiction".

 

 

A random teen watching porn for 4 hours each evening is not an 'addict' until such time as when he is engaging in the activity despite negative consequences upon the rest of his life. (a sensible parent should have more in mind than merely creating these consequences with no real outside reason -- it's one thing to create consequences for a son who doesn't use a condom each time he has sex with a girlfriend so the girl won't become pregnant but quite another to say: "you can't watch porn because I said so!" and then punish him for watching anyway)

 

 

As everybody knows, teen (males, especially) are extreeeeeemely curious and interested in the female body, and in sex... so society is presently evolving through the still-early stages of the glut of information/opportunities for porn viewing which simply weren't available when most of their parents were being raised. With that in mind, the chances of today's average parent getting it right are founded mostly in good instincts and in flexibility.

The problem is that porn is addictive. It creates changes in the brain's wiring. The brain chemicals that are produced are addictive. It can and does take over a person's life, often before the person realizes it, as the testimonies I posted are an example of. People actually develop withdrawal symptoms when not watching it, once they have become addicted. Children are TEN TIMES more likely than adults to become addicted to porn. This is not something to dismiss as no big deal. It's something to be aware of, and I would suggest to the OP that if your son is spending a significant amount of time watching it, it is a problem, and you should seek the help of a counselor.

[turnera]

not a big deal. i was having sex at 13 . let him jerk it or hell go n get it

 

Nice. Warn me where you live so I can keep all the 13 year old girls away from you.

[turnera]

Girls don't become any less interesting because a boy has seen porn.

Unless he's shy, or ugly, or whatever, and has trouble getting near a girl. Then it becomes a replacement.

[lollipopspot]

It's ridiculous for people to compare today's pornography with Playboy, or to claim that porn was equally available to kids 20 years ago.

 

...But the more mundane answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and girl in the group put on their list was 'anal'.

 

When questioned, they had all - every child in a class of 20 - seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I was stunned they even knew about it - I certainly hadn't heard of it at that age - let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it...

 

The compulsive porn users' brains showed clear parallels with those with substance addictions. Everybody on the project was astounded, even Dr Voon, who admitted she had been 'sceptical and ambivalent' about the study at the outset.

 

If porn does have the insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out vodka at the school gates. And this toxic effect is filtering down directly into young girls' lives.

 

The most shocking testament came from Professor Gail Dines. Regarded as the world's leading anti-pornography campaigner, she has interviewed thousands of men and women about sex and pornography.

 

'When you interview young women about their experiences of sex, you see an increased level of violence: rough, violent sex,' she says.

 

'That is directly because of porn, as young boys are getting their sexual cues from men in porn who are acting as if they're sexual psychopaths.

 

'Pornography is sexually traumatising an entire generation of boys.'

 

By talking with sexual addiction experts such as Professor John E Grant of the University of Chicago, Dr Paula Hall, the UK's top sex addiction therapist, and Professor Matt Field from the University of Liverpool, we learned that the teenage brain is especially vulnerable to addiction.

 

The brain's reward centre is fully developed by the time we're teenagers, but the part of the brain that regulates our urges - the pre-frontal cortex - isn't fully developed until our mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say 'stop', they are wired to want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling.

Porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads' mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY | Mail Online

[SincereOnlineGuy]

It's ridiculous for people to compare today's pornography with Playboy, or to claim that porn was equally available to kids 20 years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

LOL - today's horny teens would refuse to watch if all they had in the way of porn were those grainy and awkward 8mm film reels from the 1970's and before (***after they had lived in the modern world and seen high-def. technology in all other mediums)

[lollipopspot]

LOL - today's horny teens would refuse to watch if all they had in the way of porn were those grainy and awkward 8mm film reels from the 1970's and before (***after they had lived in the modern world and seen high-def. technology in all other mediums)

 

It's not the production quality I'm talking about. It's the content.

[JamesM]

And as for 13 year olds watching porn, we can all breathe a sigh of relief, since... Well I guess this article bears repeating:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201105/how-does-internet-porn-affect-teens-really .

 

Um, it was a study of 73 middle class Swedish teens age 14 to 20. A small quantity in one country of one social class hardly constitutes a representative population sample of the whole world.

 

Is this was support for letting a 13 year old watch porn incessantly?

 

Enough said. To me, this article says nothing relevant except perhaps that it was used by a liberal reporter looking to make a blog story with a small study to support his already determined view.

 

I am not sure why it bears repeating.

Edited October 22, 2013 by JamesM