13 yr old son, lies & porn

[Dolphono]

 

For those of you who say it won't affect him, go ahead and believe it. I've been on forums for more than 10 years and have read of thousands of marriages in that time. A marriage destroyed by porn is not just a fantasy. It's a stark reality.

 

Most men whom are porn crazy, got in the game late. I and many of my male family members discovered porn at his age. Went ape sh_t over it until the early twenties. Had a LTR, lost all desires for porn & self love. I'll dip and dab every blue moon at watching it, but honestly it's boring to me now. All my friends who started watching porn late in life, act just like her son, not a good look for adults. Those guys whine up in strip clubs, living out those porn fantasies and getting busted by their wives, causing self esteem issues in the marriage.

The young lad will grow out of it. Only issue he "may" develope is premature ejaculation.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I need some outside insight on this one. My son has rocked my mind. My son will be 13 this month and has had an obsession with porn for a number of years now. I've spoke to his doctor, who says its normal, that technology makes it so easily available, blah blah blah. This first started with a playboy magazine when he was 7 o_O. So over the years it's been google search on computer, ok you're not allowed on the computer and you're grounded, then it was $50 of porn on my cable box, holy crap son! So cable box is parental blocked all to hell & grounded again..add in a Nintendo ds event, which he can no longer have & was grounded again.....and now 2 weeks ago snuck his stepbrothers iPod to watch porn :/

 

Now, I get the curiosity of wanting to look. But my punishments are pretty strict, no tv, nothing, you read, and the kid has been on restriction for 2 weeks! But low and behold I catch him at it again tonight, still on restriction!

So I guess my question is for the guys..is this normal?! No matter what punishment the kid gets, he's right back to looking. I'm a single mom and don't know what the hell is going on in his head. He will look right at me and lie, not even realizing he's caught red handed. I tried to ask him what is it about it that keeps him so interested that he continues to sneak devices and lie and he has no answer or excuse. I know he's probably embarrassed as hell but geez, I need some help here.

 

 

 

Laugh @ me... when I first read this, I let myself think it was from a dad... (never looked at the author name)

 

 

First of all, if you have a child who is spending money on porn you are avoiding some common sense guidance for starters.

 

What nearly-13yo needs more porn than can be had for free online???

 

 

And I don't believe you when you claim to "get the curiosity of wanting to look".

 

In a way, you are heading right down the same path known to many a spouse, who (lands here at LS to complain about her hubby's porn use, and) with her own actions, drives him further from the relationship and nearer to the porn.

 

That brain-dead thought process makes one wonder as to the validity of the suggested priorities of those posters.

 

 

I totally believe the doctor who assured it is 'normal'... and the strong stance you're taking against the porn is seemingly having the effect of making the kid yearn for the porn much more.

 

It sounds like you are becoming the sort of a person who would punish him for wet dreams on the occasion that you found the evidence in the laundry.

 

The internet is in this way much bigger than you are... and while I admit that it is nice when a 13yo can be shielded (for a little longer)... I think the main goal here should be for YOU to avoid being the mother of the 29yo who literally spends all day looking at internet porn.

 

Just imagine if my mother had landed so forcefully on me on every occasion when a bike ride around the neighborhood yielded a surprise copy of "Swank" or "Club" discarded by the side of the road.

 

Just imagine my mother railing on and on with statements like 'there will be no porn in this household' and 'porn is absolutely taboo here'.

 

First of all, she had a fighting chance, what with my opportunity at perhaps one such discovery every 18 months. You have no chance (at maintaining such a standard)... and everybody here is in agreement on that (no matter what they say to console you).

 

 

Your own momentum is bound to backfire, and we get that your kid is now merely '12'... but 12yo's today are far more immersed in technology than, say, even a brainy Bill Gates had a chance to be way back when.

 

You also have to contemplate how your actions of today are going to impact his general sense of women in general, down the road. I understand the considerations that some evolve to expect real life intimacy to play-out as it does in porn... but if you can dodge even that misfortune, then you are going to accomplish something.

 

The answer just doesn't seem to be this hard-line stance against junior experimenting in the same way that everybody else in his class is likely doing, and the way it is now, you have him rehearsing a pavlovian dog response, which is akin to the more you forbid something, the more the dog wants it - just to want it.

 

Given the mother/son dynamic, you can't very well watch it WITH him... (which is perhaps the best move for the spouse who despises her husband's porn use)... but since there will definitely continue to BE some porn use by this son, it only makes sense that you acknowledge as much and then deal with your concerns from that point.

 

As it stands now, you are being unrealistic, and while my mother could wager heavily against the chance I might find a copy of Hustler while out riding my bike anytime soon, you don't have that luxury.

 

I imagine it is a conversation that you never imagined being so challenging to you... but this just isn't the topic on which you bet/risk the farm, as a mother.

 

 

So what happens if you soften the hard-line Nazi stance, and at least recognize that the internet is bigger than you are... and get a few words in edge-wise about how you want him to recognize and respect women as real human equals, before anything else... aaaaaaaaaaand admit that you have struggled so much with each side of this issue, aaaaaaaaaand that you need to give-in to just how easy it is to see free porn online.

 

Then, what if you take the dare that is to recognize that he will likely view his share of porn, and then go ahead and explain that the economy has likely brought even more porn participants to the world, who are driven there by the possibility of quick cash. Explain that sex between lovers is seldom like much of what he will see while viewing online porn. And perhaps look for stories of young women who once participated in online porn only to have it return to haunt them, perhaps as a way YOU can humanize those women in porn. You may not be able to watch it with him, but you CAN discuss stories you may find online about individuals who once participated for quick cash, and who were later denied teaching jobs and the like, for their risky behavior way back when.

 

 

In a ideal and realistic situation, you may raise a son who evolves to admire women for their individuality while in some ways he cherishes their will for personal expression. Nobody who watches tons of porn ever arrives at the so-called perfect specimen of a woman, to which nobody else can compare. Instead they encounter a giant variety, while hopefully moving nearer to a general recognition and appreciation for the individuality of each.

 

You just don't want to rub your mother-son relationship raw over this subject which just doesn't mean anywhere near to what you believe it to mean.

 

You have bigger fish to fry... and don't forget that he too is evolving... and IF by chance a real girlfriend should arrive for him in a few years, he won't want to be discovered (by her) to be the porn-a-holic you fear him to be.

 

The hard-line stuff is rather senseless, except as amusing entertainment for the rest of us who read the story.

 

 

... or you can lock him in his room for 5 years, with no electricity, no friends, and no school. (if you go that route, he's very likely to lock himself in there for the following 11 years... if you know what I mean)

 

 

 

PS - you are still a mile in front of the mom who couldn't care less about her kid.

[almond]

Bondage is a mental issue between a man and a consenting woman.

 

Please elaborate.

[Mom2Many30]

mom, you never answered when someone asked if he had a male influence in his life. This would be best coming from a male.

 

I think I did answer that his father has never been around, that my brother, his uncle was who he looked up to, but passed away this June, hit and run accident. I have a bf of 2 years in the house that he talks to, but hasn't ever brought up this situation, as I've kept this issue as private as possible, not wanting to broadcast it throughout the household.

[Mom2Many30]

This isn't about porn being OK for men. It's not about porn being evil either.

 

This is about a boy who is 13, in the formative years of his sexuality, exposing himself to images and scenarios that aren't realistic.

 

It's easy to separate fantasy from reality with, say, action movies. Because in real life, he isn't running around with a shiny chest and an M16.

 

But sex WILL be part of his real life. And trust me, his future wife will be happier if he doesn't come pre-programmed with porn-induced turn-ons. How many threads do we see here on LS about wives crying b/c their husbands watch porn but won't sleep with them? How many women feel objectified because their husbands relate to sex through body parts rather than emotional connection?

 

I know boys will be boys and all that. I know that porn can be a part of a healthy outlook on life. But this kid is in his formative years and it just isn't a good idea to throw a computer in his room and let him loose with all the wild and crazy porn that exists in the world.

 

So what would I do?

 

I would talk to him, even if it doesn't seem like he is listening. I would tell him that it isn't healthy for him to watch porn at his age, and that you will continue to restrict access. You should be able to block it on all devices. Yes, he may still see it at a friend's house or something, but that isn't the same as sitting in his room for hours with it every night.

 

I would make sure you are doing everything in your power to offset any values he builds through watching porn. This means encouraging friendships, putting him in situations where he interacts with girls, putting him in situations where he witnesses healthy relationships, and talking to him... or in the case of a teenager, talking AT him if he clams up. LOL

 

 

This was the most helpful response so far and I want to thank you for your advice.

[Mom2Many30]

Laugh @ me... when I first read this, I let myself think it was from a dad... (never looked at the author name)

 

 

First of all, if you have a child who is spending money on porn you are avoiding some common sense guidance for starters.

 

What nearly-13yo needs more porn than can be had for free online???

 

 

And I don't believe you when you claim to "get the curiosity of wanting to look".

 

In a way, you are heading right down the same path known to many a spouse, who (lands here at LS to complain about her hubby's porn use, and) with her own actions, drives him further from the relationship and nearer to the porn.

 

That brain-dead thought process makes one wonder as to the validity of the suggested priorities of those posters.

 

 

I totally believe the doctor who assured it is 'normal'... and the strong stance you're taking against the porn is seemingly having the effect of making the kid yearn for the porn much more.

 

It sounds like you are becoming the sort of a person who would punish him for wet dreams on the occasion that you found the evidence in the laundry.

 

The internet is in this way much bigger than you are... and while I admit that it is nice when a 13yo can be shielded (for a little longer)... I think the main goal here should be for YOU to avoid being the mother of the 29yo who literally spends all day looking at internet porn.

 

Just imagine if my mother had landed so forcefully on me on every occasion when a bike ride around the neighborhood yielded a surprise copy of "Swank" or "Club" discarded by the side of the road.

 

Just imagine my mother railing on and on with statements like 'there will be no porn in this household' and 'porn is absolutely taboo here'.

 

First of all, she had a fighting chance, what with my opportunity at perhaps one such discovery every 18 months. You have no chance (at maintaining such a standard)... and everybody here is in agreement on that (no matter what they say to console you).

 

 

Your own momentum is bound to backfire, and we get that your kid is now merely '12'... but 12yo's today are far more immersed in technology than, say, even a brainy Bill Gates had a chance to be way back when.

 

You also have to contemplate how your actions of today are going to impact his general sense of women in general, down the road. I understand the considerations that some evolve to expect real life intimacy to play-out as it does in porn... but if you can dodge even that misfortune, then you are going to accomplish something.

 

The answer just doesn't seem to be this hard-line stance against junior experimenting in the same way that everybody else in his class is likely doing, and the way it is now, you have him rehearsing a pavlovian dog response, which is akin to the more you forbid something, the more the dog wants it - just to want it.

 

Given the mother/son dynamic, you can't very well watch it WITH him... (which is perhaps the best move for the spouse who despises her husband's porn use)... but since there will definitely continue to BE some porn use by this son, it only makes sense that you acknowledge as much and then deal with your concerns from that point.

 

As it stands now, you are being unrealistic, and while my mother could wager heavily against the chance I might find a copy of Hustler while out riding my bike anytime soon, you don't have that luxury.

 

I imagine it is a conversation that you never imagined being so challenging to you... but this just isn't the topic on which you bet/risk the farm, as a mother.

 

 

So what happens if you soften the hard-line Nazi stance, and at least recognize that the internet is bigger than you are... and get a few words in edge-wise about how you want him to recognize and respect women as real human equals, before anything else... aaaaaaaaaaand admit that you have struggled so much with each side of this issue, aaaaaaaaaand that you need to give-in to just how easy it is to see free porn online.

 

Then, what if you take the dare that is to recognize that he will likely view his share of porn, and then go ahead and explain that the economy has likely brought even more porn participants to the world, who are driven there by the possibility of quick cash. Explain that sex between lovers is seldom like much of what he will see while viewing online porn. And perhaps look for stories of young women who once participated in online porn only to have it return to haunt them, perhaps as a way YOU can humanize those women in porn. You may not be able to watch it with him, but you CAN discuss stories you may find online about individuals who once participated for quick cash, and who were later denied teaching jobs and the like, for their risky behavior way back when.

 

 

In a ideal and realistic situation, you may raise a son who evolves to admire women for their individuality while in some ways he cherishes their will for personal expression. Nobody who watches tons of porn ever arrives at the so-called perfect specimen of a woman, to which nobody else can compare. Instead they encounter a giant variety, while hopefully moving nearer to a general recognition and appreciation for the individuality of each.

 

You just don't want to rub your mother-son relationship raw over this subject which just doesn't mean anywhere near to what you believe it to mean.

 

You have bigger fish to fry... and don't forget that he too is evolving... and IF by chance a real girlfriend should arrive for him in a few years, he won't want to be discovered (by her) to be the porn-a-holic you fear him to be.

 

The hard-line stuff is rather senseless, except as amusing entertainment for the rest of us who read the story.

 

 

... or you can lock him in his room for 5 years, with no electricity, no friends, and no school. (if you go that route, he's very likely to lock himself in there for the following 11 years... if you know what I mean)

 

 

 

PS - you are still a mile in front of the mom who couldn't care less about her kid.

 

 

First of all, if you paid attention to my other posts in the thread you wouldve read that he's not allowed on my computer, which was when he ordered the 2 movies on the cable box, so that is how he ended up spending money on porn when its so readily available online.

 

My "hard lined Nazi stance" has been softened as much as possible. There's always been open dialogue in my house regarding puberty, sex, masterbation, drugs, whatever comes up, we talk about. Im well aware that the internet is much bigger than me, but when I set rules I expect them to be respected. And I never said I railed on and on to my kid, Im not mother dearest walking around calling him names or anything psycho like that..this issue has been random, spaced out months in between, each instance with more talking, not berating, not judging, but there was always boundaries set, and the awareness that Im open if there needs to be any more said. The fact that he tries to lie about looking at porn I think bothers me more than actually looking at it. I know hes going to watch porn at some point. I just dont think 13 and in my house is what Im aiming for right now.

 

"get a few words in edge-wise about how you want him to recognize and respect women as real human equals, before anything else... aaaaaaaaaaand admit that you have struggled so much with each side of this issue"

 

this is exactly the route of our conversation today. Im not "rubbing my mother son relationship raw" Im simply trying to understand my son.

 

I do appreciate your response, even though parts of it didnt sit well with me and has made me momma lion defensive lol

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hey, wow, I was moved from wanting to escalate some points there, to being rather soothed by your response.

 

If indeed you are merely trying to understand your son... I think you're scrutinizing too much - reading with your eyes too near to the paper/screen/canvas.

 

I was a 12yo boy once - I can still understand...

 

(and that part is gonna intensify in the next few years far more so than will anything to do with porn)

 

 

 

 

But if you are not both berating and judging then most of the words of your initial post should just fall off the screen at any moment now.

 

 

The only side of the issue with which you are struggling... is his side of it!

 

 

Regardless of what you think, or what your rules may be, it is perfectly normal that a twelve (even thirteen) -year-old kid should be very, very intrigued over the bodies of naked women.

 

That is his side of the issue. HOW can you be struggling with it?

 

 

He's only lying because you have closed all other avenues.

 

 

 

 

When he has the aforementioned wet dream, you're going to make him lie about that too. Meanwhile, the correct answer for that will be to just throw his undergarments in the wash and say nothing.

 

If you find drugs in his pants pockets... then go ahead (and maybe phone the school first)... but pick the battles that really matter.

 

 

 

 

If this were all about alcohol, and you had cases and cases of alcohol stored all around your house... you could begin to get rid of the alcohol, and at least make inroads toward greatly reducing the supply...

 

But you have no chance to do same with porn on the internet. Recognize as much and redesign your plans for interacting on the subject.

 

At least get yourself to a place where you can hope that he may just tire of this current fascination with porn. At present your own stance and actions are having quite the opposite impact.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I need some outside insight on this one. My son has rocked my mind. My son will be 13 this month and has had an obsession with porn for a number of years now. I've spoke to his doctor, who says its normal, that technology makes it so easily available, blah blah blah. This first started with a playboy magazine when he was 7 o_O. So over the years it's been google search on computer, ok you're not allowed on the computer and you're grounded, then it was $50 of porn on my cable box, holy crap son! So cable box is parental blocked all to hell & grounded again..add in a Nintendo ds event, which he can no longer have & was grounded again.....and now 2 weeks ago snuck his stepbrothers iPod to watch porn :/

 

Now, I get the curiosity of wanting to look. But my punishments are pretty strict, no tv, nothing, you read, and the kid has been on restriction for 2 weeks! But low and behold I catch him at it again tonight, still on restriction!

So I guess my question is for the guys..is this normal?! No matter what punishment the kid gets, he's right back to looking. I'm a single mom and don't know what the hell is going on in his head. He will look right at me and lie, not even realizing he's caught red handed. I tried to ask him what is it about it that keeps him so interested that he continues to sneak devices and lie and he has no answer or excuse. I know he's probably embarrassed as hell but geez, I need some help here.

 

This is normal. I had the same "problem" when I was young (I put it in parentheses because I don't actually believe that it is a problem).

 

My mother caught me and she was okay with it. I'm now a high functioning adult with a good job and a lot of options, as far as women to date. I'm sure I will be married with kids in the near future and my sons will do the same thing, which will be okay with me.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I have seen WAY too many cases of marriages ruined because these 'men' became obsessed with porn at an early age. If it were my son, I'd be taking him to a specialist therapist who can talk to him about what's normal and what's not.

 

Why on earth would a marriage be ruined by porn?

 

I plan on watching porn well into old age. I also plan on being married someday. I don't see the issue with this.

[turnera]

There are many issues that have come up in dozens, if not hundreds of threads. The man expects his woman to be stick thin. The man wants his wife to get breast implants. The man expects wild and crazy sex and is dissatisfied with anything else. The man wants kinky. The man wants 2 on 1. The man prefers his video and his hand instead. The man can't last because she's just not stimulating enough. The man criticizes her. And that doesn't count what it does to the woman, to know he's comparing her to Barbarella.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

ruined... at an early age.

 

 

If it were my son, I'd be taking him to a... therapist

 

 

 

One thing leads to another !!!

[amaysngrace]

I'd let him pick out some posters to hang on his wall and tell him that's what's allowed in this house at his age.

 

Then I'd tell him that in five years, for his eighteenth birthday, you will give him $200 to go to a strip club.

 

End.Of.Story.

[Dolphono]

This was the most helpful response so far and I want to thank you for your advice.

 

Smh, because it's from a female's point of view.

 

Men have zero clue on, how it is to give birth. Women have zero clue on, what it's like to have an appendage, that wakes you up in morning with pulsating pain, similar to headaches woman suffer but between our legs, and the only remedy, a willing Vagina, or one's own hand.

 

SincereOnlineGuy's response is great advice to follow. You came hear to get advice, from people who actually went through, what your son is now going through.

 

You really should heed our words of wisdom.

 

Best wishes

 

- Former 12 year old VHS (Uncle Bill's Collection) & HBO porn addict

[JamesM]

You came hear to get advice, from people who actually went through, what your son is now going through.

 

You really should heed our words of wisdom.

 

Best wishes

 

- Former 12 year old VHS (Uncle Bill's Collection) & HBO porn addict

 

Sadly, I must admit that in my mid teens I had a magazine collection, too. It became very important to me. THAT is part of the reason that this obsession seems greater to me. That is also why knowing how it affected me for awhile (and perhaps to this day?), if this were my son, then I would take this very seriously and not just some "well, boys will be boys" type scenario.

 

Again, talk to someone who deals with children. See how they view this. Ask how they would handle it. (Preferably this person will have children of his or her own). Talk with your son after you have some information in mind.

 

Don't just dismiss it. And do not discount the idea of internet filters if you haven't already installed one. Oddly enough, if you do get his mind on other things, then (as one who learned to deal with the attraction myself) it can be less of a focus.

 

Also, don't ignore the advice of considering a therapist if you think there is a root problem to his fascination beyond "normal" male hormones.

[xxoo]

Stock the bookshelf with books that include information about sex, photography books of nude bodies (art nudes), and so on. Give him some "old fashioned" outlets for his very normal needs.

 

I've got a girl this age, and it completely freaks me out that the boys she is friends with would be watching lots of porn

[pteromom]

Smh, because it's from a female's point of view.

 

Men have zero clue on, how it is to give birth. Women have zero clue on, what it's like to have an appendage, that wakes you up in morning with pulsating pain, similar to headaches woman suffer but between our legs, and the only remedy, a willing Vagina, or one's own hand.

 

Women are also the ones who have to live with men who have used porn.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with porn - but NOT for a 13 year old boy. For goodness sake, let him use his imagination! Nobody is telling her to stop him from masturbating.

[pteromom]

 

- Former 12 year old VHS (Uncle Bill's Collection) & HBO porn addict

 

There is also a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference between a VHS collection and HBO, and the varied and extensive porn available on the internet today. It is pretty easy to get sucked into it and become completely dependent on it. NOT healthy.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Women are also the ones who have to live with men who have used porn.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with porn - but NOT for a 13 year old boy. For goodness sake, let him use his imagination! Nobody is telling her to stop him from masturbating.

 

 

 

Where are the men who have never used porn???

 

It is absolutely imperative that this woman adopt a realistic response to all related issues. So that means staying in the real world.

 

 

If you were telling me, an adult, with at least some sense of the world around me to merely "use my imagination" in lieu of porn, when masturbating, that might count as realistic for my having at least some images in my memory to draw on that way. When you suggest same for the average 12yo kid, there just isn't anything there, beyond having taken baths with his similar-aged sister when they were four, and maybe seeing the neighbor's toddler darting naked around the back yard.

 

(and guess where those are bound to lead, later in life???)

 

(hint: you don't want to inspire anyone there...)

 

 

 

 

As to your last line, this lady clearly would if she could not only "stop him from masturbating" but she would prevent him from having wet dreams as well, if only it were realistic.

 

I mean, geez, way back in the day, a bold and daring mom who discovered a young male's interest in porn might have purchased for him a copy of Playboy... not as a means to encourage his interest, but as an attempt to de-stigmatize that which is still very natural for anybody's son. Such a woman would, back then, have to make the unique trip to the magazine store, select such a taboo title, go through the motions of purchasing such a thing in front of (whatever clerk would seem her worst-case scenario), pay $2.99, and then bring it home. Today this woman need only make her way to Google.com and generally control whatever examples she wants to use/offer, and there would be no added cost, and no awkward trip to the magazine store. If age 15 wasn't terribly out of range for that, back in the 1980's, is nearly-13 so very far off the mark in this technologically advanced age??

 

The trick is to stop making something so naturally interesting so taboo.

 

 

And now, to alter the focus from the simple {and even widely-accepted, except at Mom2Many30's house} reality which says that most any normal male child will take interest in nude pictures at some point near to puberty, the OP is shifting her bone of contention from the kid's interest in porn, to his "lying about it", if only to keep him feeling that he's wrong.

 

(didn't we as a society try similar stuff on gay young people for many generations? - effectively giving them a choice between being "wrong (in the eyes of God)" and "lying about it" ??)

 

 

That is perhaps akin to answering a public demand for all-inclusive, nation-wide health care with the promise that OK, when I snap my fingers, it will become illegal for anyone to not buy his or her own health care (and there will be penalties imposed upon those who don't do so). That largely being a way of insulting everybody while causing the "Oh my god, why didn't I think of that?" moment (in response to a sometimes dire need for health insurance by certain individuals).

 

 

AKA -- I don't want you to grow up, so if you grow up, then when I snap my fingers, you become a lying little ba#&@$&! ... and your grandmother taught you how the world hates lying little ba#&@$&!s.

 

 

.

.

[xxoo]

There is a huge difference between nudes and full access to internet porn. IMO, the main concern here is a lack of guidance when entering the world of adult internet porn at that tender age.

 

That is why I suggest having books about sex, and images of nudity, in the home.

 

But there is nothing wrong with telling a 13 year old that internet porn is off limits. Heck, even the websites tell him that.

[pteromom]

 

If you were telling me, an adult, with at least some sense of the world around me to merely "use my imagination" in lieu of porn, when masturbating, that might count as realistic for my having at least some images in my memory to draw on that way. When you suggest same for the average 12yo kid, there just isn't anything there, beyond having taken baths with his similar-aged sister when they were four, and maybe seeing the neighbor's toddler darting naked around the back yard.

 

Really? So before the internet, teenage boys didn't masturbate? Teenage boys who live in third world countries out in the middle of nowhere with no access to porn don't masturbate?

 

How about fantasizing about the girl he's crushing on?

 

As to your last line, this lady clearly would if she could not only "stop him from masturbating" but she would prevent him from having wet dreams as well, if only it were realistic.

 

I see no evidence for this.

 

I mean, geez, way back in the day, a bold and daring mom who discovered a young male's interest in porn might have purchased for him a copy of Playboy... not as a means to encourage his interest, but as an attempt to de-stigmatize that which is still very natural for anybody's son.

 

Again, there is a big difference between Playboy and internet porn, and you know it.

 

 

The trick is to stop making something so naturally interesting so taboo.

 

Sex is natural.

 

Building an interest in sex that relies on tiny "neat" shaved parts, perfect boobs, having a woman service a man in crazy ways that may be uncomfortable for regular girls, and constantly pushing boundaries to see how far you can go... not natural.

 

What's natural is meeting a girl, getting to know her as a person, being excited about seeing her naked, and getting to know her body without already having a bunch of crazy turn ons based on FICTION.

 

Again - I have no issue with porn. For men. Even if this kid was 17, my answer may be different.

 

But he's 13 years old! And you are saying the best response is to just throw him in a bedroom with his computer and let him go nuts, forming all kinds of crazy beliefs about sex and women and love and what's "normal" based on porn?

 

No way.

 

That is perhaps akin to answering a public demand for all-inclusive, nation-wide health care with the promise that OK, when I snap my fingers, it will become illegal for anyone to not buy his or her own health care (and there will be penalties imposed upon those who don't do so). That largely being a way of insulting everybody while causing the "Oh my god, why didn't I think of that?" moment (in response to a sometimes dire need for health insurance by certain individuals).

 

Again, we are talking about a 13 year old boy.

 

AKA -- I don't want you to grow up, so if you grow up, then when I snap my fingers, you become a lying little ba#&@$&! ... and your grandmother taught you how the world hates lying little ba#&@$&!s.

 

Wow. Quite a reach there. Sounds like this whole thing hit an emotional chord for you. Whatever you've gone through in your life has nothing to do with this woman and her boy.

 

13 is not grown up, even if he can now masturbate.

[Mom2Many30]

Pteromom..what you last wrote is exactly how I feel about it! And since I started this thread I had a conversation with him saying those exact things. That as a 13 year old KID I will not approve of porn in the house. That the videos he's watching will give him a false idea of what sex and being intimate is. That when he first sees a vag in person, it will more than likely have hair on it lol by the end of our conversation we were both laughing and I'm sure he at least somewhat understands my concern. I've considered letting him have an old Playboy, but not just yet, the "nazi mom" in me wants this lesson to sink in.

 

SincereOnlineGuy is the second person to make a reference towards me not allowing masterbation or flip over a wet dream. No where in any of my posts did I think I came across that prudish. I've been an open book with my kids about all aspects of growing up. I've been a single mom all this time and have made my best effort to keep communication open. That may be why a few on here seem to think my post came across so consumed and sister Jude-ish. The fact that this continuing issue did baffle me, but it doesn't define my relationship with my son.

 

Again, thank you for all the responses!!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

What's natural is meeting a girl... being excited about seeing her naked,

 

 

 

But he's 13 years old!

 

 

Again, we are talking about a 13 year old boy.

 

 

 

Wow. Quite a reach there.

 

 

Guess I don't need to add anything to your solution.

 

 

 

I think we all know that, assuming you are talking about an earthling girl, and that 13 years is roughly 4748 earth days, it is far, far better, that he be locked in his room, and finding porn on the internet, than to be out and seeing his 13yo peers naked, doing heaven knows what with them. (you do understand that neither he nor she are old enough to legally give consent, do you not??)

 

 

You should probably consider that one more kid viewing the 19yo girl with the perfect parts will not have any enhanced effect ON the 19yo girl.

 

Your way has a 3rd party directly involved (with added parents) who is far less deserving of becoming fodder to your suggestions than is an adult woman who consented to have her photos posted online.

 

Should the O.P. here bother to buy the kid condoms, or should she roll the dice and maybe land a grandchild out of the deal?

 

Maybe she'll make a terrific grandma... and perhaps she can go for great grandma before this now-12yo is even 30.

 

 

Terrific alternative you've lined-up there.

[Mom2Many30]

Even I could tell pteromom didn't mean he's headed right out now at 13 to get a girl naked and make me a grand baby. I read that as, WHEN THE TIME COMES it would be beneficial for both if his head isn't muddled with the kind of freakish porn you can stumble upon when online. The last thing I would want is for him to form some weird fetish or only be stimulated by crap he was allowed to see while free roaming the Internet.

I really think you should calm it down, you seem more worked up over my post than even I seemed in my first post. It'll be ok SINCEREOnlineGuy. However life pans out, grand babies and all, it will have no effect on you, so why are you getting so worked up? I thought this was a place to get advice and opinions, and I got some great feedback, I didn't realize people go on judge mental rants combining a 13 yr old watching porn to going right out to get his hands on the first girl he can bc he's been told not to watch porn. Whew....

[turnera]

Pteromom..what you last wrote is exactly how I feel about it! And since I started this thread I had a conversation with him saying those exact things. That as a 13 year old KID I will not approve of porn in the house. That the videos he's watching will give him a false idea of what sex and being intimate is. That when he first sees a vag in person, it will more than likely have hair on it lol by the end of our conversation we were both laughing and I'm sure he at least somewhat understands my concern. I've considered letting him have an old Playboy, but not just yet, the "nazi mom" in me wants this lesson to sink in.

 

SincereOnlineGuy is the second person to make a reference towards me not allowing masterbation or flip over a wet dream. No where in any of my posts did I think I came across that prudish. I've been an open book with my kids about all aspects of growing up. I've been a single mom all this time and have made my best effort to keep communication open. That may be why a few on here seem to think my post came across so consumed and sister Jude-ish. The fact that this continuing issue did baffle me, but it doesn't define my relationship with my son.

Sounds like an excellent response.

 

On another note, have you ever read up on authoritative parenting? It sounds like that's what you're doing, and that's good - it's regarded as the best way to raise a kid.

[pteromom]

 

There are already a bunch of grown up male fools walking around with this mindset as it is. Let's not add to their numbers.

 

High-five. I agree!