My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[bentnotbroken]

Someone please tell me we are troll bait, this can't be real. On a bright note, I think I'm in love with Zanzibar and Whoreybull!

 

Unfortunately no:(. She isn't a troll. She is cyclical though. I am superior to ABC because of XYZ and they should be allowed/not allowed to do XO because they are right/wrong. That is when she is happy. When she is not happy you get the current type thread. Something that really needs to be addressed by a professional.

[KatZee]

Ok but at 28 are all your friends married or engaged of have babies? Don't you worry you will have to date someone at least a year or 2 before marrying them (if not more) by that time you'll be 30 or older then don't you want kids? Maybe I'm just weird because I always wanted to be a young mom. My mom has me at 34 (well 35 actually) and she is still energetic and fun and awesome but I never wanted to be the oldest parent in my kids class and stuff. I always worried about that, I hated when people would ask how old my mom was and their moms were in their 30s and mine was like in her 40s it was embarrassing

 

Nope. Actually the majority of my friends are completely single. We're not concerned with being someone's wife because we understand what that really means.

 

When you are comfortable with yourself, and you have a fulfilling life, going on endless searches for a partner just isn't appealing. At least not right now. I want to live my life. I want to experience the most that I can out of life before I am obligated to someone for the rest of my life.

 

I want to live it up before I need to be completely responsible for someone else's life. I want to continue on in my career so by the time I want kids, I am able to support them fully.

 

Think about this one. You have absolutely no career goals or drives to support yourself. Lets say hypothetically that you met the man of your dreams tomorrow, he fell in love with you and you guys got married a month from now. Now it's 12 months later and you have a brand new baby. You're a stay at home mom, you're living in HIS home and he's the one bringing in all the cash. This is your dream right?

 

So now lets hypothetically say that it's 2 years later and your husband decides he no longer is in love with you and he wants a divorce. You're now kicked out of the house, and you have a toddler. You have no job. No career. No savings. You have no skills to get a decent job to afford your own home, and the costs of a child.

 

How are you planning to go about life now? What would you do? Now you're a single mother. No money. No home. No job. No direction. You going to just sign up for welfare? Because that's the reality of what's going to happen.

 

You need to worry about YOURSELF before you even begin to worry about a husband and a child. You will fail and you will fail miserably if you don't fix your own life first.

 

No one in their young 20's should be a parent. They're not ready. They haven't lived life. They think they know what they want, you think you know what you want, but how on earth can you know what you want if you're not out there figuring out what your passions, interests, dreams, desires, and drives are?

 

A husband and child is not the end all and be all of a life. Look at all the threads on here about how a woman's husband is leaving after years of marriage. How they are plagued with infidelity, how they are so miserable, and their kids are monsters, and they have no lives, and no friends, and they are depressed. I don't think you get just how hard it is to be a wife and a mother.

 

My ideal age for having a child is approx 32/33 years old. The 20's are for figuring out who you are. I see some old high school friends who are all pregnant now, and I can tell you that I'm not envious at all. I have no time for that much responsibility and I'm mature enough to admit that. I would never have a child right now or just get married because everyone else is. Marriage and kids are not a race, and if you have them before you're ready you're going to inflict a lot of emotional and psychological trauma onto them.

 

A 40 year old mother is an embarrassment to you? Why? I'd view that woman as being extremely smart. She obvious has a career, and waited until she was ready. Nothing embarrassing about that at all.

[Treasa]

When you're 10 and and your mom is 45 and your friends moms are like 30 or 33 yeah that's embarrassing to you.

 

Yeeeah, you're the same person who went ape-**** on me because I said my mom had me when she was 20, and you seriously went crazy talking about what losers young mothers are. And you've reported me because YOU got butt-hurt because you can't handle the truth.

 

I'm with TaraMaiden on the Ignore thing. Bye.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Yeeeah, you're the same person who went ape-**** on me because I said my mom had me when she was 20, and you seriously went crazy talking about what losers young mothers are. And you've reported me because YOU got butt-hurt because you can't handle the truth.

 

I'm with TaraMaiden on the Ignore thing. Bye.

 

Ok first of all I didn't report anyone, I don't care about being criticized. I don't respect teen parents that was in another thread and 20 is young to have a kid obviously I am 22 and don't have a kid why would I be supportive of someone who isn't me having a kid younger than me... I have jealousy issues.. duh.

[SmileFace]

It really is beyond me why you even think you are entitled to a good life.

[Tree_Salmon]

Ok but at 28 are all your friends married or engaged of have babies? Don't you worry you will have to date someone at least a year or 2 before marrying them (if not more) by that time you'll be 30 or older then don't you want kids? Maybe I'm just weird because I always wanted to be a young mom. My mom has me at 34 (well 35 actually) and she is still energetic and fun and awesome but I never wanted to be the oldest parent in my kids class and stuff. I always worried about that, I hated when people would ask how old my mom was and their moms were in their 30s and mine was like in her 40s it was embarrassing

 

Wanting kids for the sake of wanting kids is selfish and a recipe for bullsh*t.

I can already see your future.

[man_in_the_box]

When you're 10 and and your mom is 45 and your friends moms are like 30 or 33 yeah that's embarrassing to you.

 

 

Tell that to my dad. My younger brother was born when he was 49.

[Tree_Salmon]

Ok first of all I didn't report anyone, I don't care about being criticized. I don't respect teen parents that was in another thread and 20 is young to have a kid obviously I am 22 and don't have a kid why would I be supportive of someone who isn't me having a kid younger than me... I have jealousy issues.. duh.

 

Man, i wonder what losers you date.

A real man(me) would not stand for this sh*t.

[Sivok]

Are you Tierra?

[curlygirl40]

I mean I guess now I have to figure out what I want without a bf since I don't have one. I don't know what I want I don't know even when I graduate what I am doing I don't have any plans beyond May 11 I figure I will apply for some jobs (I want to work places were guys go... Obviously) but beyond that no idea. I'm just annoyed, my friend is going out looking at puppies with her bf, finding a job where he is so they can move in together, I am not doing anything. I know that is my fault but I don't want to do anything if it doesn't involve having a boyfriend. Ok that's kind of dramatic, I just don't want to be like a lot of people on here who are like a lot older than me and not in relationships and I guess being single could be cool but I don't want that. I want to be someone's girlfriend, someone's wife, someone's mother I want to belong to someone and have purpose. I don't want to be a career woman, I don't care about a career. That is part of the reason I am dragging my feet with this law school thing because I don't care, to me law school is 3-4 years that is going to take away more of my guy meeting time, being a lawyer is hardcore and busy so that takes away more of my guy meeting time.. I'm going to be 35 and not meet a guy then what? I'm 35 and single and that's really sad I would rather be someone's something than nothing. I can't explain it because no one gets it but my biggest goal is to be a wife and mother, anything else I can get at another time, school isn't going anywhere you know? Dating for me is hard enough God forbid being 30 and still out there dating.. It isn't going to get easier for me specifically.

 

You know, when I was your age I was one of the girls you would be jealous of. I met my now X at the age of 20. Had the big wedding at 22. My first son was born when I was 24 and he was so stinkin cute he could have been the Gerber baby. Bought the big family house, had son number two when I was 27. Life was good.

 

For a bit anyway. Then my now X's anxiety got the better of him and he started to take his anger management problem out on me. He would yell and swear at me in front of the kids. He was controlling, I couldn't even go to lunch with my mom without lying about where I was. He started drinking again and became nasty to me. I tried to leave him 3 times and he always threated to kill me and the kids if I did. I was miserable.

 

Then my youngest son was diagnosed Autism. It was a very difficult and dark period of my life. The school was impossible, they just plain didn't like him because of his behaviors and I was always battling the school. I joined a support group, I got him into an occupational therapist and a therapist for his social skills. My X was no help at all, I did this all on my own. He washed his hands of his own son. We all walked on eggshells around my X all the time. My friends wouldn't come over because they didn't like the way he treated me, it was tough for them to watch.

 

So much for my perfect life, huh??

 

I saw a therapist during much of that time and she would always say to me 'you're always so happy. You seem so fulfilled even though you have so much to worry about'. And she was right. I had great friends, an awesome supportive family, when the kids got older I went back to work and I love what I do (and I'm good at it), the boys were thriving and a joy to be around. So even though my marriage was in shambles and I was unhappy in that marriage, I always found something to be happy about. I'm a very positive person by nature. These things that I had going on in my life did not get me down

 

I finally got myself out of that marriage and I've never been happier. The boys are doing great. I have one in college and one in High School. I get told all the time that they are great kids. I've picked up some new hobbies once out of the marriage. I started running and kayaking and playing tennis. I have more friends than I know what to do with.

 

I'm one of those poor people you don't want to be like. In my 40's and single. Woe is me. Not.

 

This is what everyone on this forum is trying so hard to tell you. Life isn't fair. You're thinking you just need to find the one perfect guy and he's going to take you away and put you up in this house and you're going to start pushing out beautiful babies. Life doesn't work that way. We're trying to show you. You are absolutely only setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

Do yourself a favor and buy a blank notebook or journal and every night before you go to bed, write down three things you are grateful for. You have a lot to be grateful for. Focus on those things.

 

Life gives you want you need, not always what you want. You have a roof over your head, an education, food in your belly and friends in your life. But all you're focused on is what you don't have.

 

You should look into the law of attraction. What you focus on, life gives back to you. If you're focused on lack, you'll get more of that in your life.

 

You need to be grateful for what you have, know that everything happens for a reason, and focus on making yourself happy without a guy. Nobody else can make you happy. You have to be happy first.

 

 

And men are attracted to that!

 

I wish you nothing but the best

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Nope. Actually the majority of my friends are completely single. We're not concerned with being someone's wife because we understand what that really means.

 

When you are comfortable with yourself, and you have a fulfilling life, going on endless searches for a partner just isn't appealing. At least not right now. I want to live my life. I want to experience the most that I can out of life before I am obligated to someone for the rest of my life.

 

I want to live it up before I need to be completely responsible for someone else's life. I want to continue on in my career so by the time I want kids, I am able to support them fully.

 

Think about this one. You have absolutely no career goals or drives to support yourself. Lets say hypothetically that you met the man of your dreams tomorrow, he fell in love with you and you guys got married a month from now. Now it's 12 months later and you have a brand new baby. You're a stay at home mom, you're living in HIS home and he's the one bringing in all the cash. This is your dream right?

 

So now lets hypothetically say that it's 2 years later and your husband decides he no longer is in love with you and he wants a divorce. You're now kicked out of the house, and you have a toddler. You have no job. No career. No savings. You have no skills to get a decent job to afford your own home, and the costs of a child.

 

How are you planning to go about life now? What would you do? Now you're a single mother. No money. No home. No job. No direction. You going to just sign up for welfare? Because that's the reality of what's going to happen.

 

You need to worry about YOURSELF before you even begin to worry about a husband and a child. You will fail and you will fail miserably if you don't fix your own life first.

 

No one in their young 20's should be a parent. They're not ready. They haven't lived life. They think they know what they want, you think you know what you want, but how on earth can you know what you want if you're not out there figuring out what your passions, interests, dreams, desires, and drives are?

 

A husband and child is not the end all and be all of a life. Look at all the threads on here about how a woman's husband is leaving after years of marriage. How they are plagued with infidelity, how they are so miserable, and their kids are monsters, and they have no lives, and no friends, and they are depressed. I don't think you get just how hard it is to be a wife and a mother.

 

My ideal age for having a child is approx 32/33 years old. The 20's are for figuring out who you are. I see some old high school friends who are all pregnant now, and I can tell you that I'm not envious at all. I have no time for that much responsibility and I'm mature enough to admit that. I would never have a child right now or just get married because everyone else is. Marriage and kids are not a race, and if you have them before you're ready you're going to inflict a lot of emotional and psychological trauma onto them.

 

A 40 year old mother is an embarrassment to you? Why? I'd view that woman as being extremely smart. She obvious has a career, and waited until she was ready. Nothing embarrassing about that at all.

 

I never really thought about that, I mean I have a degree and I figure I could get some kind of job. I want to work.. You are asking really hard stuff and I don't have an answer. I haven't thought that far ahead honestly. I want to be a good mom one day I really do, so if that means therapy now I am totally gonna do it. As far as my mom, she was 45 when I was 10 my mom was practically 50 when I was 10. Having the "old mom" wasn't cool then it might be cool now but it wasn't then.

[KatZee]

Tell that to my dad. My younger brother was born when he was 49.

 

I just have to side with the female part of this on this comment. It's perfectly fine for a man to have a child whenever. His sperm never goes bad. Women on the other hand DO have a ticking clock on the ovaries.

 

Not saying that anyone should rush to pop out kids because of this, but for a woman, having a first child at 49 is extremely risky.

[Tree_Salmon]

I just have to side with the female part of this on this comment. It's perfectly fine for a man to have a child whenever. His sperm never goes bad. Women on the other hand DO have a ticking clock on the ovaries.

 

Not saying that anyone should rush to pop out kids because of this, but for a woman, having a first child at 49 is extremely risky.

 

That's fine, honey, we'll have one soon.

[KatZee]

I never really thought about that, I mean I have a degree and I figure I could get some kind of job. I want to work.. You are asking really hard stuff and I don't have an answer. I haven't thought that far ahead honestly. I want to be a good mom one day I really do, so if that means therapy now I am totally gonna do it. As far as my mom, she was 45 when I was 10 my mom was practically 50 when I was 10. Having the "old mom" wasn't cool then it might be cool now but it wasn't then.

 

I'm asking the "hard stuff" because that's real life. You live in a really comfortable bubble right now. You have a ways to go before you're going to be ready to be a wife and mother. These "hard questions" are every day questions for women and wives and mothers of today. These are things you're GOING to deal with.

 

You're going to need to be able to plan ahead, and think in hypotheticals, and have fall back plans, and have strategies for you and your children if something were to happen.

 

You need to remove the blinders from your eyes and get out of the narrow way of thinking that you do have. Because I guarantee you that life is going to throw you curve balls, you're going to go through problems, and have stress and nothing is going to be handed to you on a silver platter.

 

If you agree you can't answer these questions, you should agree you're not ready to be a wife and mother. It's fine to want that EVENTUALLY. But admit that you can't be that now.

[Els]

I am 22 and don't have a kid why would I be supportive of someone who isn't me having a kid younger than me... I have jealousy issues.. duh.

 

You don't say....:lmao::lmao:

[KatZee]

That's fine, honey, we'll have one soon.

 

Not one.

 

I.

 

said...

 

FOUR.

 

:mad::mad:

[man_in_the_box]

I just have to side with the female part of this on this comment. It's perfectly fine for a man to have a child whenever. His sperm never goes bad. Women on the other hand DO have a ticking clock on the ovaries.

 

Not saying that anyone should rush to pop out kids because of this, but for a woman, having a first child at 49 is extremely risky.

 

I agree with the biological clock argument but were talking about a woman that is embarrased about being born to a 35-year old mother. In that case I seriously don't care which gender we are talking about.

[Els]

It's perfectly fine for a man to have a child whenever. His sperm never goes bad.

 

Not true, actually. Men don't have a definite limit the way women do with menopause, but sperm count and motility does decrease with age, not to mention the fact that increased age in men is also associated with certain genetic disorders in their children.

 

Women's age matters more for children, but it's a myth that male age does not.

[GorillaTheater]

Not true, actually. Men don't have a definite limit the way women do with menopause, but sperm count and motility does decrease with age

 

Thank you Jesus.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I'm asking the "hard stuff" because that's real life. You live in a really comfortable bubble right now. You have a ways to go before you're going to be ready to be a wife and mother. These "hard questions" are every day questions for women and wives and mothers of today. These are things you're GOING to deal with.

 

You're going to need to be able to plan ahead, and think in hypotheticals, and have fall back plans, and have strategies for you and your children if something were to happen.

 

You need to remove the blinders from your eyes and get out of the narrow way of thinking that you do have. Because I guarantee you that life is going to throw you curve balls, you're going to go through problems, and have stress and nothing is going to be handed to you on a silver platter.

 

If you agree you can't answer these questions, you should agree you're not ready to be a wife and mother. It's fine to want that EVENTUALLY. But admit that you can't be that now.

 

Ok well right now might not be ideal. I always just expected my problems to go away, I knew in middle school that I never felt good enough or or pretty enough or anything and I was like well when I get to HS it'll get better, it didnt. Well when I go to college I will join a sorority and it'll be fine I will have a crap ton of friends I will party with hot guys I will date a hot frat guy etc.. It didn't happen. I don't even know why I said that but I just always knew there were issues I just figured they would go away one day. Even now I'm like well I have a bf and he likes me a ton and so everything is fine, I am confident I finally have something going for me then he dumps me and it's like omg what do I do now.

 

Anyways did you grow up in a big town because where I'm from everyone marries their HS sweetheart kind of (if you had one) no one really leaves here. It is like that song.

[Star Gazer]

I just have to side with the female part of this on this comment. It's perfectly fine for a man to have a child whenever. His sperm never goes bad.

 

That's not really true. Old sperm contribute just as much as old eggs to challenges conceiving and with birth defects.

[KatZee]

Ok well right now might not be ideal. I always just expected my problems to go away...

 

but I just always knew there were issues I just figured they would go away one day.

 

it's like omg what do I do now.

 

Anyways did you grow up in a big town because where I'm from everyone marries their HS sweetheart kind of (if you had one) no one really leaves here. It is like that song.

 

Why would you "expect" anything just goes away? Nothing "just goes away." You either face your problems, acknowledge them, and work on them, or you just face the reality that you're going to live the life you're living now.

 

Unless you have the drive and motivation to change your life, you'll continue the way you're going.

 

What do you do now? SOMETHING. ANYTHING. It doesn't seem as if you've ever really done anything for yourself in your life. You're 22. You're just coming into this life. Take this as the wake up call you need to being successful in this life. You can't just keep coasting and saying, "well it'll change." It won't if you don't do a thing to change it.

 

I live in NYC. Marriage to childhood sweethearts doesn't happen. And I wouldn't even recommend staying with one person for your entire life. How can you even know who you are if you don't date around, and experience other people?

 

Why don't you move out of your small town? Get a job. Get out of there. You're stuck. So get out of it.

[CarrieT]

I always just expected my problems to go away

Fairy tale bubble ideals.

 

One's problems never just "go away." Serious introspection and reflection and HARD WORK is how one makes one's problems go away.

 

You have done none of these things. You just assume because you have gone to college that life will suddenly become perfect. Life doesn't happen that way.

 

Haven't you read enough threads on this site alone of middle-aged people with all these infidelity and mid-life crisis problems to realize how hard life is? And many of these people are financially and emotionally prepared for these life changes (as hard as they may be), but you are no where near that level of maturity for what life throws at you.

[Drseussgrrl]

Ok well right now might not be ideal. I always just expected my problems to go away, I knew in middle school that I never felt good enough or or pretty enough or anything and I was like well when I get to HS it'll get better, it didnt. Well when I go to college I will join a sorority and it'll be fine I will have a crap ton of friends I will party with hot guys I will date a hot frat guy etc.. It didn't happen. I don't even know why I said that but I just always knew there were issues I just figured they would go away one day. Even now I'm like well I have a bf and he likes me a ton and so everything is fine, I am confident I finally have something going for me then he dumps me and it's like omg what do I do now.

 

Anyways did you grow up in a big town because where I'm from everyone marries their HS sweetheart kind of (if you had one) no one really leaves here. It is like that song.

 

I grew up in a small town in the midwest. And hell no I didn't stay there.

 

All the people I left behind are still there working some mundane job and getting fat, having married their HS sweetheart, maybe divorced, freezing their asses off, and just generally have no broadened view of the world.

 

I know you say you don't "want" to be a career woman but if you got out of that dead-end town, you'd see just how much FUN IT IS to be a single gal making her way in the world. With divorce so common and prevalent, it's imperative that you're able to take care of yourself should you ever have to.

 

Might as well have fun making your mark. I'm rather jealous of you, IB. You're young, gorgeous and educated. You really could have the world by the tail.

[SmileFace]

The guy I would have ended up with in H.S - I ended it with him and he met his H.S sweetheart. He is in the Navy and they have the cutest little boy. However the wife is stuck tracking along - granted they probably have a great life.

 

However since H.S I have lived in 4 different cities in two different states and wouldn't change it for the world. Yeah I could have had her life but life goes on - and you go with. It doesn't end since it doesn't fit your idea of perfect.

 

Everything has their ups and downs.... there is no ups only.

 

I am nice person and don't have half the sh it you get handed to you.

Living with parents for free... and a car!! I didn't pay for!! No way. lol but you go with it.