My life is over.. I think I am getting dumped.

[man_in_the_box]

I don't agree with the nonsense in this thread. OP is perfectly right here and she's dating somebody who doesn't really seem to care about her

 

 

If I had a girlfriend, I would be with her 3-4 times a week at the very least and show a hell of a lot more affection and enthusiasm for her than OP's man is

 

 

Just another case of a guy who doesn't really deserve a girlfriend somehow still finding somebody who is far too good for him

 

You've never been on the receiving side of this phenomenon am I right? Before I experienced this I didn't have a clue either - so I don't find it that surprising to see these type of replies. All you can think about is the pussy that comes along with the ride.

 

I can tell you have no clue what you are setting yourself up for. Being in a committed relationship with someone harboring glaring insecurity, dependency and overly attached is very draining on your emotional health. It literally sucks your energy away. We aren't talking about what normal bfs/gfs do in a relationship - were talking about a level that gets all out of hand. They let their own insecurity and attachment issues take over themselves and what you get is someone with a whole different character than the person you choose to be in a relationship with.

 

It affects more and more parts of your life as they want to do everything together. They just don't see the problem with ditching hobbies, friends even careers just so they can spend more and more time with you. And they cannot understand why a normal person does want to keep time and space for themselves. I've had my partner have problems with my friends, with me sleeping apart every once in a while (we were not living together yet!), with my aspirations, my interests. If this goes on for long enough you will start resenting this person.

 

And it is incredibly difficult to stop a relationship if your partner is fighting tooth and nail to deny that you might be doubting the relationship just a little bit off-balanced. It is always hard to break up - but this bring it to a whole new level. They will do everything to turn the tide: persuade, lie, threaten that they'll be forever alone, threaten that their life is worthless without you, heck some of them will even sabotage birth control to get what they want. It's generally not looked well upon by her friends, family and possibly shared friend. Who wants to dump a person that obviously is very 'committed' to a relationship? You can bet that its going to leave some 'jerk' stigma if you do eventually break it off as many people don't understand how toxic overly attached partners are.

 

I'm very happy my partner changed before I couldn't take it anymore. But if I have to be honest I was not able to tolerate the large amounts of BS's i've accepted during that phase. Everything turned out to be alright - but that was because my girlfriend changed herself to be a better person that could be happy with who she was. And I am fully aware that not everyone does that and if it doesn't happen there is nothing you can do to make them change.

[clia]

Thanks, I'm going to wait 2 days then text him and see what's up if I haven't heard anything

 

I was going to come rushing in here to beg and plead with you not to do this, but....I've had a change of heart.

 

I think you should text him if you want to. I think you should, beg, plead, and do whatever you think is going to work to "get him back" or "change his mind."

 

The reason why I am giving you advice I would never give to anyone is because I get the impression that you think none of us know what we are talking about. 25+ pages of posters are basically in agreement on what you need to do and how you need to do it, and you come back with "I think I'll text him."

 

You keep trying to convince us how "perfect" and "special" things are between you and this guy you've only known a few months. You say it like we just don't get it. Like we've never been there and never experienced something so incredibly magical. IIB, you are going to meet at least 36 more men in your life that will seem just as perfect as this guy and who you "click with" at least as well as this guy. It might even be a lot more than 36. So yeah, we all get it. We've all been there. That's why we are giving you the advice we are giving you.

 

You don't seem capable of stepping back and looking at things objectively, or internalizing or applying any of the advice that is given to you. You just keep spinning right back to "babies!" and "perfect life!" and "perfect boyfriend!" and "sparkles" and "stay at home mom!"

 

So, you are just going to have to learn by making mistakes. I suspect you will make the same ones over and over again, because you just don't get it.

 

My magic ball tells me what will happen when you text him:

 

1. He will not respond at all. OR

 

2. He will respond in a wishy washy, ambiguous way. This will give you hope. You will keep texting him. Eventually, he will either poof completely, or maybe if you are lucky he will actually tell you he is breaking up with you. I'm putting my money on poofing.

 

You won't get "closure." You don't need "closure." You don't want "closure." You want him to change his mind. (By the by, I can understand a need for "closure" when you've been with someone for years and/or have children with them, etc., but you don't need "closure" from a guy you've only known three months and went on four dates with.) He isn't going to change his mind.

 

But, you'll learn this the hard way. You'll string it out and put him on a pedestal just like you did with your ex, even though you really didn't know him either. You'll wallow in misery and sadness when you should be moving on and enjoying your life. But eventually -- eventually -- it will click with you. At least I hope it does. If it doesn't, you are in for a repeating and endless cycle of misery.

 

Here are few other tips:

 

1. Don't talk about poop with a guy unless you have a ring on your finger that was given to you by him.

2. Be sure to address your insecurity issues with your therapist. I believe are the root cause of eveything that is going on with you.

3. Please don't waste your parents' money on law school.

4. Even if your mom was 35 when you were 10, you still would've found something about her to be embarrassed about.

5. I strongly encourage you to do some volunteer work, as a number of other posters have recommended in the past. You are really living in a bubble if you think not having a boyfriend is the most tragic thing that could ever happen to you. Go sit with the babies who are getting heart transplants, or with the kids in the cancer ward, or feed food to the homeless. Go do something to get some perspective on the world.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Don't even know if i'm allowed to do this but this is me and my mommy

I love my mom I just don't love that she was old when I was young but now I don't care because all my friends parents are like divorced and stuff and so I guess waiting worked out for my parents. Image - TinyPic - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting

[GorillaTheater]

Don't even know if i'm allowed to do this but this is me and my mommy

I love my mom I just don't love that she was old when I was young but now I don't care because all my friends parents are like divorced and stuff and so I guess waiting worked out for my parents. Image - TinyPic - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting

 

Nice pic.

 

When our last one was born, I was 44 and my wife was 42. I sincerely hope we give them plenty of reasons to be embarrassed by us other than our age, of all things.

[MidwestUSA]

I love clia too. I must be hormonal today.

[dreamingoftigers]

Don't even know if i'm allowed to do this but this is me and my mommy

I love my mom I just don't love that she was old when I was young but now I don't care because all my friends parents are like divorced and stuff and so I guess waiting worked out for my parents. Image - TinyPic - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting

 

You and your mother are both very beautiful.

 

I have no idea why you are wasting your time worrying about THIS guy.

 

There are better, more consistent guys on the horizon which shouldn't be too much trouble for you to attract.

 

Just work on some of the other stuff before you repel them!:eek:

[Keenly]

Mother of god. Quite an educational thread for me. You seem like the type of girl would lay on the pressure thick and hard... a constant nagging to get married and have kids and where are you and I miss you and I can't live without you and blah blah blah blah blah ...

 

 

 

As soon as I hear a woman say "I want to be a stay at home mom" I say "its 2013 woman" and I get the hell outta there.

[CarrieT]

I was in a relationship and living with someone and didn't have sex for TWO YEARS.

 

What are you supposed to do?

 

Grow up. Stop whining. Learn that life isn't all about YOU and YOUR WANTS.

 

See a therapist. Soon. Please.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I was in a relationship and living with someone and didn't have sex for TWO YEARS.

 

What are you supposed to do?

 

Grow up. Stop whining. Learn that life isn't all about YOU and YOUR WANTS.

 

See a therapist. Soon. Please.

 

That's a really long time with no sex

[Els]

I was going to suggest masturbation, but the OP's post got deleted?

 

At any rate, imma take myself the hell outta here. People may compare the OP to ES and shadowplay and the like, but IMO there is no comparison. ES and shadowplay talk like actual people, real women with real problems who are just facing some confusion and learning the ropes. Talking to the OP is like... I dunno. Sometimes I get the idea that she's just a very advanced and committed troll. Then after that I pray for her sake that I'm right.

 

I really can't believe someone managed to hit this age and be reasonably functional in life while maintaining THIS level of naivete and immaturity. It may be cute in a 5 year old... but 22?! I suppose that's quite an accomplishment in itself.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, IB. Cause I know it sure as hell isn't going to be anything suggested here.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I was going to suggest masturbation, but the OP's post got deleted?

 

At any rate, imma take myself the hell outta here. People may compare the OP to ES and shadowplay and the like, but IMO there is no comparison. ES and shadowplay talk like actual people, real women with real problems who are just facing some confusion and learning the ropes. Talking to the OP is like... I dunno. Sometimes I get the idea that she's just a very advanced and committed troll. Then after that I pray for her sake that I'm right.

 

I really can't believe someone managed to hit this age and be reasonably functional in life while maintaining THIS level of naivete and immaturity. It may be cute in a 5 year old... but 22?! I suppose that's quite an accomplishment in itself.

 

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, IB. Cause I know it sure as hell isn't going to be anything suggested here.

I am going to therapy. Difference between me and those people I refuse to be single and ill do anything to not be:) I'm proud of that at least.

[Treasa]

I love clia too. I must be hormonal today.

 

Dammit, get in line!!

[Els]

Difference between me and those people I refuse to be single and ill do anything to not be:) I'm proud of that at least.

 

Uhh.... totally wrong difference to be proud of.

 

But what am I saying, please go ahead and do whatever you want.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Uhh.... totally wrong difference to be proud of.

 

But what am I saying, please go ahead and do whatever you want.

 

Ok thanks I'm an adult I don't need your permission. I am going to therapy I am getting help I'm going to try to work through these issues so cut me a break.

 

I don't think it's wrong to not want to settle for singleness I mean I know I'm 22 and shouldn't worry and Im trying not to but I don't need you to tell me anything about myself I know.

Edited April 9, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty

[SmileFace]

I am going to therapy. Difference between me and those people I refuse to be single and ill do anything to not be:) I'm proud of that at least.

That is your problem. You put too much on being "single". Your goal shouldn't be to be someone's girlfriend or mother. But your goal should be to be happy. Even if you want to be a wife and mother -- you can't look at it that way.

[Keenly]

I am going to therapy. Difference between me and those people I refuse to be single and ill do anything to not be:) I'm proud of that at least.

 

 

They have a word for that. Its called desperation. Men love to bang desperate women, but they seldom date desperate women.

 

 

Also, how do you think a man would react if you told him "Eh, I just didn't want to be single, that's why we are together"

[clia]

I am going to therapy. Difference between me and those people I refuse to be single and ill do anything to not be:) I'm proud of that at least.

 

Why are you so proud to refuse to be single?

 

You haven’t even tried to be single. All you do as a single person is wish that you were in a relationship with someone. With anyone. The bar is set pretty low – I think he just has to be breathing, correct?

 

Why do you think being single is such a horrible, tragic thing?

[Drseussgrrl]

You REFUSE to be single? Honey I'm sorry but you already ARE single.

 

You do realize that these men have a CHOICE whether or not to be with you, right?

 

And you're making the choice pretty easy. God, you're probably the type that would get knocked up "on accident" if he wasn't falling in line with your plans.

 

You scare me at this point.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Why are you so proud to refuse to be single?

 

You haven’t even tried to be single. All you do as a single person is wish that you were in a relationship with someone. With anyone. The bar is set pretty low – I think he just has to be breathing, correct?

 

Why do you think being single is such a horrible, tragic thing?

 

Idk it just is sad I never have anyone to do stuff with. I want to have someone to be cute with

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You REFUSE to be single? Honey I'm sorry but you already ARE single.

 

You do realize that these men have a CHOICE whether or not to be with you, right?

 

And you're making the choice pretty easy. God, you're probably the type that would get knocked up "on accident" if he wasn't falling in line with your plans.

 

You scare me at this point.

 

I mean like I work hard like online dating when I'm single to try to meet someone.

[GorillaTheater]

I want to have someone to be cute with

 

Picture me bouncing a couch cushion off of your head.

 

You know that's a lousy reason to be in a relationship, right?

 

Right?

[CarrieT]

I want to have someone to be cute with

When one facepalm isn't enough....

[Mme. Chaucer]

Picture me bouncing a couch cushion off of your head.

 

 

I was thinking of something less … bouncy.

[GorillaTheater]

I was thinking of something less … bouncy.

 

I admit, my first thought was "end table".

[Mme. Chaucer]

Idk it just is sad I never have anyone to do stuff with. I want to have someone to be cute with

 

And have cute babies with! Immediately! :bunny::bunny:

 

Hook ups in motels, though - not cute. Just saying.