wasitheone Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 He drjones, Must be something about this time of year as I am also feeling the pain of being alone. WHY did she go? WHY didn't she give us a chance? WHY is she ignoring me now? WHY should I just sit back and let time erase all my feelings for her? I know if I was married to the girl I wouldn't just be sat on my ar*e doing NC. I would be out there trying to put things right -working at it. I still love this girl with all my heart but unfortunately in everyday life I have to hide these feelings as I hate people saying "get over her", "move on", "plenty more fish in the sea". If she was just a fling then I would be able to move on but I love her. We also fed off each others strenghts and helped through each others difficulties and there has been times where, like you, I just wanted to hear her say "don't worry - everthing will be ok". I cannot wait to post a happy sucess story on this site. I know I will but I don't know when. Onwards and upwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 19, 2004 Author Share Posted September 19, 2004 Hey wasitheone, I cant wait till someone posts a happy ending also....I hate this feeling..... Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 I have been dying for three months, in the last 3 days I have stopped the hurt, time does heal!!!! I got a letter from her telling me it was over etc.. it gave me closure, I am a good man and I now have stopped blaming myself! I was told to take my part in it and give her her part, and frankly I am not going to hurt anymore, I have a date today and I am going to it as the good person I am, the guilt is done! I will never call her again and If i see her I feel I will do it in a different way! Lokking back, I was hurting more in the relationship and I am glad it is over in my heart, I wake up now a bit more relaxed. I did as we all have the best we could and it was not enough for them, take allok at your part in the breakup and own it learn from it and give her the part she owns! I called I cried I begged, until I realized that she was not aware of all the pain I had, so why get stuck?? Go out and tell yourself that there will be a better time and you will one day meet the person for you, she is out there, but as long as as you stay stuck in your story you will never see the right person! life goes around once, enjoy the lessons and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 19, 2004 Author Share Posted September 19, 2004 Hey Hurt, Thanks man, I have been beating my self up over this, and I know in my heart I have everything and it was not my fault...its just the way it is. I hope all goes well on your date, you have fun and let us know how it goes....we need some good news around here....take care Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 remember that today you no longer hurt over the last relationships, one day this will be the same, we tend to look at reasons and why it ended, then we blame ourselves, at the end of the day, it would not have ended if every moment with her was great, take a clear look at those lonely moments when you had her, evrything that happens in life is for a reason, you are right were you are supposed to be at this very moment! enjoy the moment you have, its your life! not hers! look at the relationship for what it was and not for what you now dream it could have been! emotions are not REAL, thay are only thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 drjones- Hey my brother I was reading yoru post and I felt bad for you man. You are being way too hard on yourself. I dont remeber the reasons your ex broke up with you so i would like to get refreshed if you want, however please buddy dont blame yourself so much. You want to hear about a guy who truly f#$#%ked up hios relationship that is me. I had the perfect girl that gave me chances and I blew it. I know this is a hard time for you along with everybody else. It sucks!!!! The pain of a heartbreak feels truly unbearable at times. Last night I got so anxious and started missing my ex so much that I could sleep. I started get that nauseous stomach and cant sit still. It sucks. Who knwos what the future holds out there for us but something good will come out of it and we will get our happiness. Is your ex seeing someone else yet? I dont know if mine is and I dont wanna ask her. whats the point, who know? Besides sometimes it takes dating other people to truly see how great someone was. The grass my brother isnt always greener on the otherside, remember that. I think that you should try to keep casual conatct with your ex when you feel like it but not for awhile. Let her cool off from the last incident and wait to see if she attempts to call her. Like we said earlier its tough either way but atleast when you talk she gets reminded of you in some way. hang in there dude, its gotta get better. It will get better for all us guys posting here. Only if our exes knew that we typed online at all hours of the night on the LS to just get ides on how to win our exes back and to express how much we care. Take Care Dr and everybody else...Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I have been through a bad breakup before this last one, although I didnt love the last as much as I do this one. I have been separated from her for 6 months now even though we talk almost everyday. 5 days ago I initiated NC and I am going to do it for a month to see what happens. In my breakup with my last ex, which was 5 years ago, I was with her for 4 years. She cheated on me and she wanted to not be with me but I insisted we try again. We separated with no contact for 2 months....no contact what so ever!!! On the 60th day I called her and we talked.....we got back together and we stayed together for another 7 months but by then my feelings for her were dead. Maybe it was the fact that she cheated on me...I dont know. I do know that we did get another chance because she realized how much she missed me and loved me. The problem with this is that you might lose your feelings for her. If this happens you can tell yourself that it wasnt meant to be and it wasnt your fault. I guess I am responding to this to let people know that a lot of couples do get another shot. I have past experience to keep me going to let me know that I am a good guy and that she will probably give us another shot....the question is when. It is all up to her....not you. Just be there for her as a friend, gain her trust, and keep hope alive. p.s.....the longer you were together with someone the better chance you have at getting back together....assuming the break was on mutual terms. Link to post Share on other sites
dugs Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by drjones Kodiak, I know exactly the agony that you are in, its happening to me as well, its like you open pandoria's box and now you have to live with the repercussions... I've been reading up on this thread between drjones and kodiak and I came across this quote by drjones and it was like BAM! that is exactly what I did a couple of weeks ago. Here's how it goes. This could serve as a lesson to all you curious cats who wonder if they should call their ex's. I hadn't talked to my ex in like a month and was starting to feel better. Yet somthing inside me told me that it was the right time to call her, and I am the kind of person who believes in following your heart, so I call her. We had one of those "great" conversations that you guys speak about...she sounded excited to hear from me, we laughed shot the **** etc...she calls me two days later and invites me to a party...I go...we have fun...she gives me big long hugs all night and we end up making out and kissing...it feels like were back together. We don't talk about "us" though Next week...talk during the week...she calls me...I call her...we talk on the phone...she invites me to a concert...I go and we have a great time just like before. Hang out the next night with mutual friends... everything is going good. Still don't talk about "us". I feel like we might actually be getting back together. It's a great feeling...haven't felt this alive in 4 months. this week...call her last sunday and she doesn't call back. Text messages me on tues. to say that she is not ignoring me but has been busy with work and school. calls me on wed and leaves a message...I call her back on thurs...we make plans to hang out on fri...she calls on fri after work to tell me that she is too tired to hang out but she will call me some time. That was two days ago and I havn't heard from her yet. I feel like I made a big mstake by calling her the first time because I think I am setting myself up for the "pain" all over again. I'm scared because she flaked out on me on fri and I think that she is bowing me off again. I don't get it though, we had such a great time these past couple of weeks, now she hasn't called yet and I feel those same anxious feelings coming up all over again like when we first broke up. I guess I'll see if she calls this week. Like pandoria's box...I guess I should have never ****ed with it and left it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Dugs---don't freak out. You didn't do anything wrong by calling. Give her time...she'll call you, maybe she was tied up with work or something. I think we could get over our exes if the damn dreams would stay away. I wish all of us could control our dreams! All of you guys sound like great guys. I've read every post on here & I hope you all the best. I hope I meet a great guy that has feelings for me the way ya'll do for ya'lls exes. ha But I do understand---cause I wake up in the middle of the night wanting him near me & having the dreams etc. I've been trying to get over someone too & it's hard! I do wish all of you the best---keep your chin up & stay strong. One of my friends once said "FORGET THE EX & MOVE TO THE NEXT." Easier said than done I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
dugs Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 whoa guys, Stay away from the sex forums on this board. I just browsed through them and it's all about guys and girls having sex with their significant others and it made me feel like crap. All I could think about was how I want to be with my ex again so bad but I know I can't right now. AHRGGGGGGGGGG! Sorry just had to get that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 well here is my update, I have emailed my ex in the last 3 mos at least 6 times telling her I missed her etc...2 days ago I sent a text message saying I missed her and that I was having a bad time...yesterday her girlfriend came to my house with a letter! it said.....stop any more emails to me it is over and at this point you are harrassing me what a terrible way to say that to me, I have been angry, hurt for the last 2 days! I tossed any and all forms of tele # email, etc... how can someone write that to me????? I quess it is over and I feel its the best thing that could have happened! when we would break up, she would enmail me 20 times a day saying that she missed me, was that harrassment?????? God I now hate this cold woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 ladies, how can someone I treated so well for ten months, I broke up with her because she wopuld not stop going over her exs house and calling emailing how can a woman be that cold?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Guys, Thanks, I have been beating myself up real bad over this, and I have to stop, the break up was not my fault kind of, it was due to bad timing and me not having my life in order, but thats does nto matter now...kodiak she is starting to see someone, but her feelings is not clear on him, but I dont know and I guess it does not matter now... Dugs...hang in there buddy, follow what mj108 is saying give her time, it might be that she was busy...let us know what happens... Backspn...thanks for the insight you right it is up to her.... Hurt....I agree with you that the letter was the best thing you have now full closeure....you have done everthing you could have done...move forward...you are a good guy find someone that willl care for you.... Mj108.....thanks for your kind words...yeah there are a lot of good guys here, I think honesty there is a group of hopeless romantics here that put all they have in a relationship and our hearts got broken along the way....I guess it is nice to know that good people do exist, just that most of them got broken hearts along the way.... As for me guys I have been real hard on myself, I have been thinking a lot lately and doing the "asking God thing" and I have not got a reply yet...I dont know if I will ever get one, I dont seem to get one from him anyway....I am glad that I have logged on this site thought, Its nice to people to talk to that are going through the same thing.....I woke up again I could not sleep but it was nice to read you guys posts.........take care Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Well Dr, its been a tough day! I took care of this girl in everyway I could! I will move on, I today told my friends to never mention her name or that they saw her! In the last email, I said to her that "while you were asleep, I would take care of your daughters when they woke up at 3 am crying, I am a good guy, you know what part of the letter said??? "so you handled my daughters while I slept" what in the hell is she thinking?????? that hurt!!! I am done with her, some women are just sick!!! I will someday meet a woman who will thank me for the person I am! We will all look back one day and this will just be the past!I now see her for the way she treated me! never thanked me never took care of me, I was always there for her! so yes that letter helped me more than she knows! Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Anger is your first step to getting over her....soon the anger will be replaced by good memories. By that time you will be over her and ready to date again. Take time to heal bro, you deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Dr---remember to be patient. I know it's hard but God will show you if it's meant to be or if he has someone else out there for you. God will answer in his own time...I know it's hard. I'm the most impatient person & I have been wondering why God won't let me get over this guy but there is a reason for everything and every experience throughout life. Remember that. Hurt---you definetly deserve better. I hope you find the right girl for you! It makes me mad that you good guys are going through all this! It give us good woman a bad name. It seems like the good girls always end of with the bad guys & the good guys always end up with the bad girls...I wonder why? Anyway, thank God for this site----we can all vent about it & be there for one another. I got a call from him at 4:30 a.m. this morning. He was upset. I haven't talked to him since he broke things off with me last Sunday. I couldn't hang up the phone. I just sat there & listened. We stayed on the phone a good 40 minutes. Now I can't sleep. I'm trying not to get my hopes up again just to have them shattered. I'm trying to stay strong & Hopefully I will. I wish everyone the best. I know all of us can get through this & we will! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Guys, Hurt... you deserve way better man, for her to put thoughts in her head like that is not at all right.... Backspn...yeah i do need time to heal, I tried to do the looking on line dating service thing and I just dont have it in me...I dont want anyone else now....I guess I have to repair myself ... Mj108...Thanks..I just dont know if he is answering my prayers...and I am getting confused, in the last couple of weeks everywhere I go I see signs of her like her name, her last name (which is very uncommon), the state where she is from, things that she likes etc....I dont know what it means or if its just a big conicindence...Its not me that needs the signs if we are "supposed" to be together its her...I know how I feel about her....I am not going to act on them b/c it would just make me look like i am begging I already did that.....I just want to know what or if God is answering my prayers, in his own GOOD time just does not cut it with m...Like you I am very inpatient...And what reason are we going through this crap...heartache is one of the worse pain I would not want to wish my own enemy....it lingers in there like a cancer and just when you think its gone it springs up and bites you in the @$$..... As for you ex calling I know the feeling so does Kodiak, you feel like the hope is going to happen again, my advice is just supress that feeling big time adn wait and see.....I did not and now I am going through that termoil right now...like Kodiak as well Take care guys....we need something good to happen to us now!! Link to post Share on other sites
mj108 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Dr.--I know exactly what you mean. All the signs & all. I hear his name all the time...signs are everywhere! That's what I've been wondering myself...'God, what are you trying to tell me?' The dreams are even worse! I'm a very impatient person & I just want to know...either he's the one or he's not....either I need to wait or move on. etc. I'm always wondering...why is heartache happening to good people? I don't have the answer to that, but I wish I did. I hope everything works out & you get stronger day by day. Thanks for the advice as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Kodiak, How are you doing today man? I hope you are feeling better....did your ex call you again? Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Well... let me chime in how i didi this weekend.... I started off okay... I went out with a couple of friends... every girl that i saw I compared my ex too... no one measured up. Not good..... Past that alcohol threshold, got a little sick... felt it saturday morning... not good. Saturday was a lazy day... got my mind off of her, but still missed wasting saturdays aways with her...... had dinner with a really good friend of mine... came to the conclusion (again) that she's flipped and it wasn't me, although my confidence and self-esteem are running on empty..... not good...... Sunday... watched football..... missed watching football with her..... not good.... and well... sat down and spoke with my mother about things and how they were... came to wonder JUST HOW MUCH OF THE RELATIONSHIP WAS TRUTH/LIES.... not good....and here I am now at work, feeling okay... but..... i think the "I DON"T GIVE A ****" is taking over... which makes me sad... yet..... i don't know..... that's how i'm doing..... anyone else feeling the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Hey WantanS4, I sounds like we all are going through something like what you are going through, It almost looks like to me like cold or a flu.....I hope it passes all soon Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Everyday....its a battle when you love someone that much. Good thing is they will realize it one day.....I guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
wasitheone Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Yep definitely a battle. We may be loosing the battle but we will win the war! Restarted communication with my ex today after I asked for a laptop back. She asked if I'd had a change of heart as I said she could have it as I don't need two. CHANGE OF HEART!!!! I was sooooo tempted but I didn't. Kept it pleasant and the discussed her broken windshield and my crap job situation. Last message I left was a bit cryptic as I said another day another dollar - and soon it may be a dollar! (Trying to get a transfer back to the USA!). Who knows........... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Hey wasitheone, Yeah I think we all will get over this and as you say "win the war".....it will take time.... Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Well everybody just like i talked with drjones about and everyone else who read my post, i now feel like crap that I ever talked to my ex the other day. although it was great and it was nice that she actually called me right back after she got off work and got the message, Im still mad at myself that I talked to her. It so hard. I wish in a way things ended ugly between us but they didnt at all. Then I would miss her still but most likely not wanna talk to her. It jsut sucks. I mean what do i do? Keep up the casual conversations when she calls or just not talk to her ever again. Part of me feels that keeping the lines of communication open is the right thing to do.. Anyways need some more advice....Thanks Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
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