If its meant to be they will come back to you.

[djones]

Hey Kodiak,

 

Yeah I know its hard that you want to call her, just hang on and see if she will call when she gets the letter. I talked to my ex i think like 2 weeks ago, remember she called me and I told her I wanted her back but she said she is seeing someone and all she can be is my friend for now...since then I have not spoken to her, she sent the odd e-mail...nothing too exciting.....she;s 26 and I am 30....I dont know what will happen between us, I know she cares for me...but to what extent I dont know...I guess only time will tell....As for you just hang in there wait untill she calls you, you sent her the letter, so the ball is in her court now....

[WantanS4]

So is that what they mean by... "we should be friends".... that they're seeing soemone else? I repeadily asked my ex to let me know if she was seeing someone else, so that in some way I could remove all regard for her from my mind/heart and she said she would. But then she said she wouldn't.... and thne she said she would.......

 

speaking of balls.... i'm tired of my ball being in her court... it's been almost 4 months now.... i think i'm going to take it back and never even consider letting her see it again...... this is too hard... and there's too much room for BS i don't believe in for her to come waltzing back into my life...... i miss the person she was... and I have doubts that she is the same person now. It's a shame... i loved that person... but i guess she just didn't want to be that good....... cause the regards i have for who she is now are less then amiable.

 

 

move on guys...move on.... i'm am coming around now....

[djones]

WantanS4,

 

You have given me something to think about....its hard to let go, and you make sence....its hard but we all have to move forward...thanks

[Cade]

Hey guys,

 

Have been following the thread for awhile now. Long story short, with her 6 yrs, have a 3.5 yr old child, were married for 10 months, than I moved out as we were not gettting along and as well she needed "to find herself".. whatever...

You can search my name for the thread but nonetheless. We have been on and off for the last year now, always keeping in touch, i would stay over every few days, etc. About 12 weeks ago, we were speaking on the phone, she was dating someone and apparently happy and so was I. I let her know that I feel nothing but resentment for her and the lies and I just wanted to cut all contact with her unless this was about our daughter. She showed up at my door that day crying as she was attempting to seek happiness elsewhere but it did not work out and she wanted to change herself and work on things as I have requested all along.

 

I promptly and regrettably dropped by current woman and commenced with my Wife for another 6 weeks. During the 6 weeks I ended up catching her in some lies and things from the past year came up concerning her and other men which I did not care to hear. All in all,she all of a sudden had another change of heart and admitted she still does not want to make any commitments..

 

In my eyes I have been nothing but a safety net to her for the past year where I was sincere and she never was. I have not mentioned this but she did the same thing about 3 months after we split as well. My advice to you all, cut them loose and move on, choosing to ignore them. I loved my Wife to death but she is dead now and never coming back. someone else is now occupying that body. I feel better not talking to her anymore and she has made my decision easier with her actions as of late. She is no longer the woman I married, simple as that. I will push myself along like you guys are doing and someone else out there will appreciate my sincerity.

 

Trust me, it gets easier day by day and at one point she will just be a good/bad memory. Remember as well that if you were sincere, kind as I was she has no choice but to regret her decision one day and that is what drives me.

 

Gottta go!! I will be in touch later. Chins up dudes!!!

[djones]

Hey Cade,

 

Thanks for the post and the advice, I guess its hard to let go...I am going through it and some days are better than others...I guess time it the best healer...thanks again

[WantanS4]

When we were breaking up... or after the initial "it's over" talk.... I pleaded with her to come back. I tried everything to let her know that in all honesty, there wasn't going to be another man out there that would love her as much as I did/do (sorta).... and that i was willing to go to the ends of the universe to make things work. I asked her to marry me twice.... once in a voicemail... the other time in person... I did not have a ring on me.... but put everything into it. She never answered yes or no... she never answered me. Was that a way of saying no.... or was that a way of saying i don't know.... what does it mean. I presume, that she's being a harda$$ and if she answers the question she either has to surrender or she has to throw it all away once and for all... and that's why she didn't give me an answer.

 

 

I don't know.... what do you guys think?

[djones]

Hey WantanS4,

 

Thats a hard question, I dont know...I have a similar situation with my ex too...I did not ask her to marry her....I asked her if she still had feelings for me and if we would get back together...she told me that she still has feelings for be and all that she can give me for NOW is a friendship....with that I wonder if we will get back or thats her way of not answering the question...I think people do things like that to avoid the subject...I dont know....i mean your ex could have said no, my ex could have said no that we will not get back and leave it at that....I dont know anymore...I think only time will tell for all of us...just work on getting yourself better...I know its hard, god I have been batteling this and it not easy....

[KANSAN]

Hi, guys I've been reading a bit and you guys are pretty smart. I'm going through a similar situation as most of you I tried to get back with ex but no haps would have done anything in the world to get her back, we have a 3yr daughter and to me that is worth trying in the relationship at least for her but since we've been seperated divorced now she constantly tries to get under my skin flaunting her new man not letting me talk to my daughter when I call her ect...

Reading the posts here makes me feel stronger more able to deal with the crazyness.

In the relationship I was not perfect but I did'nt know I had a time limit on how fast I would become a perfect father and husb.

It's still a little hard every now and then but this thread gives me real hope and courage that everything will work out in the end.

[Cade]

Kansan,

 

I hear ya man!!! My 3 yr old daughter was my driving force behind reconciliation. She is my only daughter and I wanted to be with her every day to participate in her upbringing. If it was not for her, it would have so much easier to turn a blind eye to my ex.

I have been on a roller coaster now for about one year now, dealing with my exes lack of commitment issues, lies, changes of heart etc. I have taken back control now, this is my life, and I make my own decisions without relying on anyone. We have given enough of ourselves to our exes, it is now time to act as they would and think of ourselves first. A person will only have respect for a person that respects themselves. Women want what they cannot have or think they have lost. This has worked twice for me but the problem is that I gave in too easily. Now I will play this game my way, I will follow no contact religiously once again, build myself up so that I am strong enough to kick her a$$ out the door when she shows up as I know that one day that will happen. The ball is now in my court and I am no longer giving her any control over me or my emotions.

The reason no contact is so important is that it gives you perspective without being clouded with her presence. She will never, ever come back unless she is sure she has lost you for good. How can they ever miss us if we are always there for them, and why should they stop what they are doing knowing we are waiting for them. As hard as it is, and if you don't feel this way put up a good front, they must think that we no longer want them and then they will take notice and act before they lose us forever.

Guys, I cannot stress this enough.. read this post -->http://www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=33326<-- (hope I am not breaking any rules here..)

[netrie]

Originally posted by WantanS4

Hrmm.....

 

 

So what do you think??? The hell with playing the game of NC...... no one wins..... and it confuses everyone. Tell them you love them... and tell them that your happy to be miserably missing them......... how much sweeter can life get?

 

The NO CONTACT rule is NOT a game at all. It is to protect ones sanity at a ''certain point'' when one is falling to pieces over mixed messages and the sky is clouded with hot sex and confusion in the air!

 

No contact is important in order to sift through and center oneself in the midst of chaos during an unclear relationship when too much is going on or when one party is taking the other for granted.

 

Certainly you can be HONEST, I agree, but no contact is important in order to move to the next level...

 

Cheers,

Netalia

[djones]

Hey Guys,

 

I hope you both get to see your kids, it must be hard to deal with a breakup and also have kids involed. NO contact is got to be the hardest thing for one to go through in a breakup....I find it so hard, I wish this was easy on all of us...I still ask why would god or faith or whatever, puts us through this, some say its to help you be thankful when the right girl comes along....I like to think I dont need that, I am the "nice guy" and I always treat the person that I am with respect etc...so i find it hard for me to ask why does it turn out this way...I dont want to go through more heart aches...it sucks....just a little happiness would be nice in my life right about now...sorry guys I needed to rant

[Cade]

Rave on buddy, that's what this is all about. Pour your feelings out here rather than to your ex.

 

 

Thanks for the concern, I see my daughter half the time as she knows I am very close to her and she would never stand between us. Problem is with that happenning I end up seeing my ex more often than I would like to as well as hear little things from my daughter about her mom's "friends" so that does not help either.

 

One day at a time boys...

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

Hey whats up my brother. Hows things going? Anyways my ex called last night and I was out in the garage so I missed the phone call. Everytime she calls I miss it, ironic huh? Well she called but she did nt leave a message so it was kinda weird. She always has left a message so Im not sure why she didnt this time. I picked up the phone to call her back but then I stopped myself. I was thinking and I know its stupid but I was thinking that maybe she called me by mistake. What do you think. Like maybe she accidently called my phone and then realized it so thats why she didnt leave a message. What do you think man, am I just being stupid and should I call her back tomorrow. I know she didnt get the letter yet because I just sent it. So please give me your feedabck and tell me what you think. Thanks bro......Kodiak

 

 

P:S Anybodys feedback is greatly appreciated, but you might have to read back on this thread to read what has been going on.. Thanks

[djones]

Kodiak,

 

Maybe see knows you have call display so that you will call her back? I dont know if thats teh case, call her...if not then wait to see if she calls you again....Man I know this is tough....I wish I had a better answer for you...in my heart I would call her...but I dont know anymore.....

[WantanS4]

Kodiak,

 

Don't call her back.... she knows where you live... if she's into you again... she'll trot herself to your door..... believe me. If she does show up... give her hell

 

Then again... what was in the letter?

[Cade]

Kodiak,

 

You need to make yourself scarce, not easily available. Don't return her calls unless she leaves a message, if it's important she will leave one or show up at your door.

 

She must think that you live a busy life now, and that life does go on without her. Whenever you do talk to her, be polite and hint that you have been very busy, not letting her know exactly what you have been doing. Her imagaination will take care of that part..

 

Cade

[WantanS4]

You know what's funny....

 

My ex told me to move on when we broke up. She told me to be happy and live my life. She told me to find someone else. This was when i was pleading with her not to do this (3-4 days after she broke it off). Isn't that weird? I guess that's a sign that she had move on way before she even broke it off with me huh?

 

She's crazy... soo crazy...

 

I've been calling her roughly every two weeks fort he past 3 1/2 mothns....It's been just about over 2 weeks since the last time i spoke to her... and that last time she blew up and told me 'where i stood'....... right now.... i'm guessing/hoping she's figuring i'll call her again at the 2 week interval..... but guess what... IT AINT HAPPENING............ i hope it has some effect on her....

[Cade]

Another lengthy, insightful thread with varying opinions on "no contact"..

 

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=29007&postday0&postorder=asc&start=0&sid=79607cecdcc769e2f90365983e5ed7da

[djones]

Guys,

 

I need help, man today I feel like crap, I feel empty, alone and I want to call my ex...I did not, but crap I dont know whats come over me today....I cant decribe it other than the need to be with her and talk.....

[wasitheone]

Hey drjones,

 

Hang in there. I know exactly what your feeling as some days you feel fine then all of a sudden you start thinking about her and BANG down you go. All I know is that at first everyday was tough but now there are more up days than bad days. The way I try to look at it is I will only consider having my ex back if I am strong in myself. I do not need my ex to make me strong otherwise I would be using her (hope that makes sense). I am trying to move on with my life but it is hard at times. They say we will go through a period of hating our ex as part of the healing process but I hope I never feel that - I want to remember the person she was and keep the happy memories.

 

This is so hard but we will all pull through - our only crime is that we loved someone with all our hearts.

 

Be strong.

[kodiak]

drjones-

sorry my brother I couldnt be there to help you through the tough day you were having. I saw your post just as I was leaving to go to work. Im at work and its three in the morning. I had yet another dream about getting back with my ex so I woke up and figured I would write you. I know how you are feeling right now, I had a day like that just yesterday. It hurt so bad and i broke down and cried while I was driving in my car. It was write after i wrote that letter to my ex so it brought up alot of memories. I wish i knew what to say that would make the pain go awy. I dont know you but it sounds like you are a good guy and was a great BF and I wouldnt wish the heartache to even my closest enemies. It sucks!!! However just try to reassure yourself that tomorrow will get better and liek I said before "Tomorrow the sun will rise and you never know what the tide will bring in" We all go through tis setbacks but just remeber that it will get better.

I finally took your advice and called my ex back today. I left her a message and too very much surprise she called me right when she got off work. Man was I surprised!!! We had a great talk about 40 minutes and it was nice. She always worries about how im doing and my well being so atleast I knwo a small part of her still cares about me. I feel great that we talked but then it also hurts. I kinda wish we would have a bad talk or she would have nothing to say to me. You know what I mean? so we talked but I dont bring up us at all. Next time you talj with your ex I recommend you do the same. The reason why is because it puts pressuyre on them and then they might not call again. I feel that if they wanna talk about us, then they will bring it up. hang in there my brother, I will be around tomorrow so I will talk to you soon........Kodiak

[djones]

HEy Kodiak,

 

Thanks for the advice, I am feeling better today....you are right the sun will shine...Its good to hear you guys chatted, I will do the same (not bring up "us") if she calls me....I know what you mean about the great talk, yeah its real nice and then after a couple of days you miss them...just hang in there....take care

 

Hey wasitheone

Thanks also for the words of encouragement.

 

I hope we all get through this....

[Fuzzymuzzy]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=47735

[kodiak]

drjones-

 

Hey my brother I hope you are feeling better today and things are a little clearer. Like I said those days will come and go but they "hopefully" will only make us stronger. Well I know feel crappy after talking to my ex last night. I knew that would happen but I called her back anyways. I wish she would have ignored me now but the talk was nice still. If we never talk again, atleast I can remember our great talk we had last. You know? It sucks though and its so damm hard. Part of me thinking that having the slightest bit of communication open will give her a casual reminder of me. However the other part tells me that I should cut it off completely. I dont know what to do. i mean its great when we talk and we fall back into our same laughing, funny conversations with each other. I lost her and I would hate to loose that too. What do you think? Whaty would you do if you were in my shoes?? Thanks....Kodiak

 

 

P:

[djones]

Kodiak,

 

 

I know exactly the agony that you are in, its happening to me as well, its like you open pandoria's box and now you have to live with the repercussions...which can be bad or turn out good.....I dont know why God is putting us through this, we are taught that have hope and faith in God and now when you want to believe in hope it seems like a doulble edge sword, you go in with your heart on your sleves and when you put out you are cut again....calling her is great, i did the same thing it feels awesome then after a couple days of not talking to them, you feel empty and lost, why does this happen, I dont know, I keep on asking god why what is better out there...to me in my heart she is the best thing for me, yet my hands are tied and you cant have her, for what reason, I ask my self and I cant figure it out...I get angry with myself and with god and jsut dont know why its so hard for us,...many people find happiness, thier one, or date many people, why is it such a hard task for us?

 

I dont know, I dont see my self any different from the other guy, so then what the h$ll is the matter with me.....last week I went to another of my bestfriends wedding, and to see all my friends happy with their wives, fiancees....just makes me sad and real lonely, why do I have to go through this crap....I love bestfriends, but everytime i see them i want the same happiness like them, so whiy am I denied that? it seems like I am the last in my group to do something....I am the last to get married, have a carreer, house etc...and I think that I will not get that....it seems like noone has an answer for me....and all people can say give it time...fu@k time thats seems to be the escape word....I am getting my like in order right now with a busness idea, and it scares the crap out of me, I need her to be with me while I do this, shes great at helping with stuff like this, and I cant do a damn thing to tell her....I have to do this on my own, but i am scared and just want her to tell me I can do this and have her support me.....f@ck we used to feed off of eachother to help each other and I need that now....I see others do that with thier significant other so why not me.....I could do that now with her as a friend, but its not the same you know what I mean?.....you cant hold and kiss a firend passionately.....I dont know what is what anymore...I am just getting real fedup with being alone....I have been alone most of my life and just when I find real happiness Its taken away from me....it just feels like I did something wrong and I am not being forgiven for whatever I did...............I needed to rant.....