animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Because I'm in a relationship with her, not the other people she f*cked. Everything that happened before has happened. She is with me now, therefore we are both going to be monogamous to each other. We are having fun f*cking each other. If she f*cks somebody else, she destroys that so I will leave the union. Interesting, if I may, I will keep asking you and learning... Correct me if I am wrong so far: 1- You don't mind how many man a girl has been before you for a serious relationship 2 - When you enter a relationship with someone you expect this person to only have sex with you at that time. 3- If a girl would have sex with someone else it would destroy your relationship. Good, I still have a fundamental question, why would you care about her having sex with other men even when you are in a relationship with you, she still loves you, she will tell you every time she has sex with other people (hence no cheating) and she will always be save so no STD's and no pregnancy risk... I mean she will take a shower and she will go home, she will still love you like she loved you before, she just added another number, so why would you care if she does that? It is just a number... 1
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Perhaps already covered, but how does the OP reconcile his statements in the linked thread below with his desire in this thread to not have casual sex? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/348511-how-will-my-situation-end-currently-i-am-ex-bf It appeared, in that thread, that he was having casual sex with his ex-GF while she dated a 'hardcore Christian beta virgin' I don't consider it casual. She doesn't have sex with him. The second she does I will not touch her again.
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I've tried to address the more complex additions to that thought process earlier in the thread. A woman requires nothing but a vagina and lack of obesity to rack up a stupid high notch count. If a woman can't attract the opposite sex, then I will have immediately disqualified her myself because she is likely obese. These gals never enter into the equation. It's not their sexual history I am considering as much as their motivations and how they racked up the men they slept with. It just so happens that notch count will line up with their standards for who they will sleep with. I know you disagree with that but the math makes sense. A 23 year old girl cannot have had 16 long term committed relationships, she just can't. If she has slept with 16 guys at that age then I am nothing but a sex object to her. Another in the long line of guys until she hits 27+ and decides to settle down because her priorities changed. This I can agree more with. I don't care about #s...but I do care about actions. If she has cheated on a bunch of guys in the past or has issues with drug use or very risky sex (gang bangs with multiple guys without protection)...sure...of COURSE you are going to factor that in when considering the kind of person she is. I guess everyone has different "opinions". For me, I don't care about the #. As long as no one gets hurt. But I do want to give one example. My first gf...22 years old...was with ONE guy before me. She was very conservative, pretty picky (wanted to date a half white/asian and she got one in me) and pretty much "only had boyfriends". We were together 4 years. Long story short, she cheated on me and her very next boyfriend (with me). MALICIOUSLY, too, I might add. Wouldn't doubt it if there were times she had sex with me then went and had sex with the guy that same night. 1
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 You're entitled to your opinion. Just know that I'm 38, been with the same WONDERFUL and AMAZING woman for 13 years (married for 10) and I have 3 kids. I think I know a bit about being mature and also how to handle a relationship. I guess I am totally entitled to my opinion and I am totally entitled to mine! By the way, funny how you use the word judgmental very often but anytime you can't get further in a discussion with arguments you become totally judgmental and try to push your opinion forward based on your age...
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Meant to say that SHE was 22 and I was 18 at the time, in my earlier post.
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 This I can agree more with. I don't care about #s...but I do care about actions. If she has cheated on a bunch of guys in the past or has issues with drug use or very risky sex (gang bangs with multiple guys without protection)...sure...of COURSE you are going to factor that in when considering the kind of person she is. I guess everyone has different "opinions". For me, I don't care about the #. As long as no one gets hurt. But I do want to give one example. My first gf...22 years old...was with ONE guy before me. She was very conservative, pretty picky (wanted to date a half white/asian and she got one in me) and pretty much "only had boyfriends". We were together 4 years. Long story short, she cheated on me and her very next boyfriend (with me). MALICIOUSLY, too, I might add. Wouldn't doubt it if there were times she had sex with me then went and had sex with the guy that same night. This is what I fear regarding my current ex....
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Interesting, if I may, I will keep asking you and learning... Correct me if I am wrong so far: 1- You don't mind how many man a girl has been before you for a serious relationship 2 - When you enter a relationship with someone you expect this person to only have sex with you at that time. 3- If a girl would have sex with someone else it would destroy your relationship. Good, I still have a fundamental question, why would you care about her having sex with other men even when you are in a relationship with you, she still loves you, she will tell you every time she has sex with other people (hence no cheating) and she will always be save so no STD's and no pregnancy risk... I mean she will take a shower and she will go home, she will still love you like she loved you before, she just added another number, so why would you care if she does that? It is just a number... I would care because she isn't committed to being in a monogamous relationship with me, and if she wanted to have sex with other people, I wouldn't have even f*cked her and got into a relationship with her in the first place. So she would be dumped immediately. I don't know what your point is. I don't use a woman's number of sexual partners against her. I have had short casual relationships myself so I would be a hypocrite to dismiss a girl for the same. I consider myself more than capable to be in a monogamous relationship, and if I believe a woman is as capable as I am and we are compatible with each other, then she will be mine regardless of whether she's been with 2 guys or 20 guys. I'm also not going to be hesitant about getting rid of her or not getting with her if I think she will be a cheater. Promiscuity doesn't automatically equal infidelity. I'm not understanding your point.
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I guess I am totally entitled to my opinion and I am totally entitled to mine! By the way, funny how you use the word judgmental very often but anytime you can't get further in a discussion with arguments you become totally judgmental and try to push your opinion forward based on your age... I'm not pushing my opinion on ANYONE. But let's be real here. I AM older and I do have a LOT more experience. I'm not saying I'm the end all be all of relationship experience, but there isn't much I haven't done. I'm just hoping that I can use my experiences, my mistakes and my successes to help other people here keep an open mind about things.
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 This is what I fear regarding my current ex.... Well...she's your ex for reason, right?
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I would care because she isn't committed to being in a monogamous relationship with me, and if she wanted to have sex with other people, I wouldn't have even f*cked her and got into a relationship with her in the first place. So she would be dumped immediately. I don't know what your point is. I don't use a woman's number of sexual partners against her. I have had short casual relationships myself so I would be a hypocrite to dismiss a girl for the same. I consider myself more than capable to be in a monogamous relationship, and if I believe a woman is as capable as I am and we are compatible with each other, then she will be mine regardless of whether she's been with 2 guys or 20 guys. I'm also not going to be hesitant about getting rid of her or not getting with her if I think she will be a cheater. Promiscuity doesn't automatically equal infidelity. I'm not understanding your point. Ok, I will try to help you understand where I want to come... but please bear with me a bit more... 1- You don't mind how many man a girl has been before you for a serious relationship 2 - When you enter a relationship with someone you expect this person to only have sex with you at that time. 3- If a girl would have sex with someone else it would destroy your relationship. 4- You think if a woman has sex with other men while with you she is not committed to you Again, I know you don't judge women for her number and I have already said that promiscuous people are not more at risk of become cheater than non promiscuous people, cheaters are a totally different discussion... But allow me to ask you again, lets say your girlfriend is totally committed to your relationship, she loves you more than anything in the world, she would never cheat on you... I mean she does not even need to have sex, my question is not about her having sex, is about why would you care if she would do that... I mean, at the moment that she comes back to you the sex is already in her past! She has taken a shower (hence she is clean), she was totally save so no STD's or pregnancy risk, she loves you, that sex is already in the past, so why would you care? She is the perfect person, what makes the difference for you if she had the sex within your relationship or before at the end when she comes to you... the sex is already in her past... that is my point.
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I'm not pushing my opinion on ANYONE. But let's be real here. I AM older and I do have a LOT more experience. I'm not saying I'm the end all be all of relationship experience, but there isn't much I haven't done. I'm just hoping that I can use my experiences, my mistakes and my successes to help other people here keep an open mind about things. By suggesting your are older and more experience you are adding value to your posts and dismissing value to mine (because I am younger)....
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 animalover, I already answered this question. Fear of losing them. If you can't provide what they want to a point where they feel the need to get it somewhere else, that means they will leave you.
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Ok, I will try to help you understand where I want to come... but please bear with me a bit more... 1- You don't mind how many man a girl has been before you for a serious relationship 2 - When you enter a relationship with someone you expect this person to only have sex with you at that time. 3- If a girl would have sex with someone else it would destroy your relationship. 4- You think if a woman has sex with other men while with you she is not committed to you Again, I know you don't judge women for her number and I have already said that promiscuous people are not more at risk of become cheater than non promiscuous people, cheaters are a totally different discussion... But allow me to ask you again, lets say your girlfriend is totally committed to your relationship, she loves you more than anything in the world, she would never cheat on you... I mean she does not even need to have sex, my question is not about her having sex, is about why would you care if she would do that... I mean, at the moment that she comes back to you the sex is already in her past! She has taken a shower (hence she is clean), she was totally save so no STD's or pregnancy risk, she loves you, that sex is already in the past, so why would you care? She is the perfect person, what makes the difference for you if she had the sex within your relationship or before at the end when she comes to you... the sex is already in her past... that is my point. Because she will have betrayed my trust in her, so I would have to leave her. If I'm going into a monogamous relationship, I'm trusting her to only have sex with me after that. Before that is inconsequential. Now only matters. If she violates my trust in the now, then she has to go. 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 By suggesting your are older and more experience you are adding value to your posts and dismissing value to mine (because I am younger).... Say you were learning to play basketball and was asking for tips. Well...I've been in the NBA and I won the championship and will probably be entering the hall of fame in the next few years. You're saying my opinion holds the exact same weight as yours?
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Because she will have betrayed my trust in her, so I would have to leave her. If I'm going into a monogamous relationship, I'm trusting her to only have sex with me after that. Before that is inconsequential. Now only matters. If she violates my trust in the now, then she has to go. But that is my question ThaWholigan, why would you have the desire of going to a monogamous relationship? Why suddenly you need to be exclusive with and the amount of people who sleeps with your girlfriend become important when it is not important till this moment? I am not trying to confuse you, I am really trying to understand you... If you actually don't care about what your girlfriend has done in the past, why suddenly is important? We have already established that she is not betraying you, she is not having sex with anyone... is just a supposition... why would it be important for you and why would you feel betrayed if she would have sex with other persons.. what motivates you to want to have her exclusively for you? 1
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Say you were learning to play basketball and was asking for tips. Well...I've been in the NBA and I won the championship and will probably be entering the hall of fame in the next few years. You're saying my opinion holds the exact same weight as yours? 1st- I am not asking for tips, I am giving my own tips... 2nd - You are not a NBA player, you are just an older player...Older doesn't mean wiser...
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 1st- I am not asking for tips, I am giving my own tips... 2nd - You are not a NBA player, you are just an older player...Older doesn't mean wiser... In the game of love, I'm Michael ****ing Jordan. Not being cocky...it's the truth.
animalover Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 In the game of love, I'm Michael ****ing Jordan. Not being cocky...it's the truth. Yes and mr humble too... I always think that people who presumes about something usually.... is their week spot! 1
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 Well...she's your ex for reason, right? I was naive and didn't understand what attracted women. I told her we should take a break to give her some space and she immediately started dating a mutual friend. He came on to her while we were together and she didn't tell him she had a boyfriend and he knew she was dating me. She and I were living together at the time and this so called friend of ours is coming on to my girlfriend. Now they have been dating for over a year. It has taken me even this long to get over it and only after dating these other girls. It is anger from this situation that lead me to read and study pua and a desire to have casual sex and throw away my principles. I could destroy their relationship if I wished and my ex friend is such a pompous ass I don't know why I don't just **** that **** up hardcore. However she does share many ideas with me, I find her intelligent though she has some issues communicating. She is very self-aware and I admire the fact that she can say something like "my feelings aren't lining up with my thoughts". I know the outside perspective is I should never take her back. But she has not had sex with her new boyfriend, and I don't think she will either until marriage. His Christian virtue is one of the things that attracted her to him so she will not throw that away since it will mean he looks at her differently.
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 But that is my question ThaWholigan, why would you have the desire of going to a monogamous relationship? Why suddenly you need to be exclusive with and the amount of people who sleeps with your girlfriend become important when it is not important till this moment? I am not trying to confuse you, I am really trying to understand you... If you actually don't care about what your girlfriend has done in the past, why suddenly is important? We have already established that she is not betraying you, she is not having sex with anyone... is just a supposition... why would it be important for you and why would you feel betrayed if she would have sex with other persons.. what motivates you to want to have her exclusively for you? No you don't get it. Her past isn't important during the relationship either. You're getting hung up on the numbers. It would not be the numbers that bother me. Obviously I am into her, love having sex with her, we are compatible, and she would think the same too, so I would want exclusivity with her. It would be important because my trust will have been misplaced. Could you please outline your point? I'm saying the same thing repeatedly here.
carhill Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 I don't consider it casual. She doesn't have sex with him. The second she does I will not touch her again. If it's not casual and she's dating someone else and is no longer your girlfriend and you are not emotionally invested in her, her life, her future, etc, etc, then what would you call it?
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 No you don't get it. Her past isn't important during the relationship either. You're getting hung up on the numbers. It would not be the numbers that bother me. Obviously I am into her, love having sex with her, we are compatible, and she would think the same too, so I would want exclusivity with her. It would be important because my trust will have been misplaced. Could you please outline your point? I'm saying the same thing repeatedly here. The point is why is exclusivity important to you? 1
KungFuJoe Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 Yes and mr humble too... I always think that people who presumes about something usually.... is their week spot! Humble has nothing to do with it. And there is also nothing presumptuous about it. It's plain old truth. I've achieved what most would consider the pinnacle of success when it comes to love and relationships. A very happy and fulfilling marriage with children. I mean, this is LOVEshack, is it not?
Author jamesbob Posted January 30, 2013 Author Posted January 30, 2013 If it's not casual and she's dating someone else and is no longer your girlfriend and you are not emotionally invested in her, her life, her future, etc, etc, then what would you call it? I am emotionally invested in her, her life, and her future. I don't have sex with her for fun, I have sex with her to try to repair our LTR.
ThaWholigan Posted January 30, 2013 Posted January 30, 2013 The point is why is exclusivity important to you? Because I would like to have a long-term partner to bond with and have children. A family is what I hope for. That's why it's important to me. Why should numbers matter to me regarding exclusivity?
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