# of sexual partners changing my decision on moving forward?

[FitChick]

I didn't read the thread because of the predictable responses. OP should join a strict Christian or Muslim church and date those women. Of course, it's possible there might be a few reformed Mary Magdalenes.

[mellow_yellow]

Why can't you believe it?

 

Did people in your life put you down and were mean to you about your looks?

 

Well, I got teased as a kid because I was chubby. I have been slim since my teenage years, and I'm not ugly, but I just never saw myself as a girl that guys go for. Maybe I'm not "flirty" enough, who knows.

 

I also have a father who is a person who always finds fault, and never praises.

 

I'm not making excuses, but I think that is partly why I think the way I do. I'm working on it though.

[jamesbob]

Why should no one date me?

 

Because I have low self-esteem?

 

That may have been too expansive. I would not want to date a gal with low self esteem and if you tell me no when I ask you out then I'll never find out about your sexual past anyway. 5 is conservative in my mind for your age

[BetheButterfly]

I didn't read the thread because of the predictable responses. OP should join a strict Christian or Muslim church and date those women. Of course, it's possible there might be a few reformed Mary Magdalenes.

 

He's not a Christian or a Muslim and I don't think he should pretend to be one.

 

Hopefully he will find a lady who shares similar convictions and ideas. That'd be the best.

[pbjbear]

I dont have a high number and I dont have low self esteem.

 

Havent had an actual boyfriend yet (have had a few exclusive shorter term relationships) but I could have had several if I was really desperate for a relationship or wanted to be with someone who wouldnt treat me well. The fact that I didnt get with them shows I have high self esteem

 

With these things, it just depends on alot of things. Their current personality, values and attitudes matter to me more than their past. I dont like to ask about sexual history personally

[mellow_yellow]

That may have been too expansive. I would not want to date a gal with low self esteem and if you tell me no when I ask you out then I'll never find out about your sexual past anyway. 5 is conservative in my mind for your age

 

They'd have to be - the 3 LTRs took up 12 years between them.

 

But I agree - I should not date with low self-esteem, and that's why I haven't (yet) since my last break-up. Which partly happened because my low self-esteem was causing problems in the r/s.

[Drseussgrrl]

No marriage, no kids, and you only want women with low numbers.

 

As if being single wasn't hard enough.

 

Let me know if you need some recommendations for free porn sites, dude.

[BetheButterfly]

Well, I got teased as a kid because I was chubby. I have been slim since my teenage years, and I'm not ugly, but I just never saw myself as a girl that guys go for. Maybe I'm not "flirty" enough, who knows.

 

I also have a father who is a person who always finds fault, and never praises.

 

I'm not making excuses, but I think that is partly why I think the way I do. I'm working on it though.

 

It makes me so mad when people make fun of others as well as constantly find fault. I was called ugly when I was a child, cause of my glasses. I still refuse to wear glasses today, except for driving.

 

I know you're not making excuses. It's however cause and effect that you have low self-esteem. I am so glad you are working on it though!!!

 

Keep growing and don't worry about what others say. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect, no matter what others say. You are a human being who is wonderfully unique and who loves.

 

Love is so amazing because love doesn't mock or insult or criticize. Love encourages and helps and lifts people up and motivates them to do great things!!!

 

Hopefully soon a wonderful man who loves will meet you and decide to love you and enjoy your love. Love is beautiful.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well...if you agree that it's all based on evolution and "caveman theory" then it shouldn't be too hard to understand that just because men WANT women with lower numbers, doesn't mean the women with HIGHER numbers are inferior or are of "less value".

Our preference is based on ancient premises that no longer apply to modern society. Evolution just hasn't caught up yet.

I imagine that, as time goes by, less and less men (and women) will care so much about numbers. It's already evident as more and more women are having casual sex and more and more men have no problem with it.

 

Seriously... evolution doesn't freaking work like that! We are not even selecting for those traits right now. The only people who are actually producing high numbers of children are religious people... and complete ***up welfare bums.

 

What you are describing here are gender roles, not evolution. Gender roles are very fluid and change rapidly by evolutionary standards. Hence KFJ's post above mine.

 

Ugh...

 

What the hell are they teaching in schools today? Evolution does not work like that. Rapid genetic change requires small populations and large amounts of mutation. Additionally we are NOT selecting for non-traditional gender roles.

 

Also... my post was not about gender roles at all.

[KungFuJoe]

Seriously... evolution doesn't freaking work like that! We are not even selecting for those traits right now. The only people who are actually producing high numbers of children are religious people... and complete ***up welfare bums.

 

 

 

Ugh...

 

What the hell are they teaching in schools today? Evolution does not work like that. Rapid genetic change requires small populations and large amounts of mutation. Additionally we are NOT selecting for non-traditional gender roles.

 

Also... my post was not about gender roles at all.

 

Then tell me...why do men want women with lower numbers?

 

Why even care?

[mellow_yellow]

Keep growing and don't worry about what others say. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect, no matter what others say. You are a human being who is wonderfully unique and who loves.

 

Thanks for those inspiring and kind words

[jamesbob]

I dont have a high number and I dont have low self esteem.

 

Havent had an actual boyfriend yet (have had a few exclusive shorter term relationships) but I could have had several if I was really desperate for a relationship or wanted to be with someone who wouldnt treat me well. The fact that I didnt get with them shows I have high self esteem

 

With these things, it just depends on alot of things. Their current personality, values and attitudes matter to me more than their past. I dont like to ask about sexual history personally

 

This is another thing that I think but do not usually make public. Number of partners also indicates how much a gal values herself.

[aed]

Then tell me...why do men want women with lower numbers?

 

Why even care?

 

Why do women more likely prefer men with a higher number then them self?

 

(women with high numbers, probably disagree)

[KungFuJoe]

Why do women more likely prefer men with a higher number then them self?

 

(women with high numbers, probably disagree)

 

That's another story, but the fact is, women do not care about #s as much as men do. That's not to say they don't care, but let's face it...there are FAR more threads about guys complaining about a woman's past, than vice versa.

[BetheButterfly]

Seriously... evolution doesn't freaking work like that! We are not even selecting for those traits right now. The only people who are actually producing high numbers of children are religious people...

 

That is sort of funny to me. I wonder if one reason is because many religious people see having children as a gift from God and not a burden to be avoided but rather a blessing to love and be nurtured into adulthood?

 

I understand though why some people don't want to have kids. I don't think anybody, no matter their spiritual/religious ideas/beliefs, needs to have kids and I respect those who decide not to because of whatever reason. I think it's a good idea for them to get a vasectomy (for men) or their tubes tied (for women) and I really respect those who do that if they don't want to reproduce and love their offspring.

 

I very much wish adults that abuse kids didn't have kids and never abused kids...

 

Even though I believe in God, I personally wish God would just poof disappear anybody who abuses kids, before that abuse occurs.

 

Anyways, many people who decide not to have kids do not abuse children at all but simply have other goals in life, which is fine.

 

As a person who does believe in God, I do want to have 2 kids and protect them from any abuse, love them, and nurture them into adulthood!

[aed]

That's another story, but the fact is, women do not care about #s as much as men do. That's not to say they don't care, but let's face it...there are FAR more threads about guys complaining about a woman's past, than vice versa.

 

.

Most women that struggle with dating are promiscuous (not all because, but you are already promiscuous with > 5), while men that struggle with dating are close to a virgin.

 

So the dating problems of men here are mostly their lack of partners and the promiscuity of their gf.

 

If you aks 100 women: most of them will say they prefer their partner to have more sexual partners.

 

if you ask 100 men: most them will prefer their partner has less sexual partners then they.

[animalover]

Then tell me...why do men want women with lower numbers?

 

Why even care?

 

I would ask you one question... why would you want to be in a monogamous relationship... I mean if you don't mind your girlfriend having banged half town, why would you mind if she would keep having sex while with you? (Forget STD's , lets say she would protect herself).

[Quiet Storm]

I don't understand why so many blame this issue on insecurity.

 

I think men who have standards, and who stand by their beliefs and values are secure. They are not allowing others to sway their beliefs, they are not accepting less than they feel they deserve, and they are staying true to themselves.

 

I have been with my husband for almost 22 years and we have a great sex life. We are adventurous, we watch porn, make movies, role play, etc. We started very young and learned together, and grew together. We love this part of our relationship, it is our glue.

 

It is not wrong for men, or women to want that.

 

I am atheist and liberal, so this is not about religion or conservative beliefs.

 

There is nothing wrong with what these men want, just like there is nothing wrong with people that have sex with multiple partners.

 

I don't think it is fair that so many consider it "insecure" for a man to want a woman with similar standards or a woman who values the "specialness" of the sexual bond. I think insecure men are more likely to accept LESS than what they feel they deserve.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Then tell me...why do men want women with lower numbers?

Why even care?

 

Don't misunderstand me... You had a really solid theory on that. It most likely has to do with paternity certainty and hormone regulation.

 

I'm disagreeing with this idea that in the next 2 years evolution is going to catch up with how we have used technology to change our society.

 

Evolutionarily... we will not likely change much in the next 2,000 years. Most likely the advances of modern medicine will greatly increase the number of people with genetic disorders. That is most likely what we will see. Hard coding new sexual attractions would likely take 200 generations or more and a small population base.

 

We must learn to accept and live within the natural balance of our instincts and not let one rule over the others.

 

If a guy is out there screwing everything that moves... that is an imbalance of instincts. The basic risk reward survival instinct has been skewed and he is chasing an emotional reward that is out of balance with physical reality. Like a gambling addict or a crackhead.

 

That is sort of funny to me. I wonder if one reason is because many religious people see having children as a gift from God and not a burden to be avoided but rather a blessing to love and be nurtured into adulthood?

I understand though why some people don't want to have kids. I don't think anybody, no matter their spiritual/religious ideas/beliefs, needs to have kids and I respect those who decide not to because of whatever reason. I think it's a good idea for them to get a vasectomy (for men) or their tubes tied (for women) and I really respect those who do that if they don't want to reproduce and love their offspring.

I very much wish adults that abuse kids didn't have kids and never abused kids...

Even though I believe in God, I personally wish God would just poof disappear anybody who abuses kids, before that abuse occurs.

Anyways, many people who decide not to have kids do not abuse children at all but simply have other goals in life, which is fine.

As a person who does believe in God, I do want to have 2 kids and protect them from any abuse, love them, and nurture them into adulthood!

 

I think Religious people have more kids because they are less self centered as individuals. In order to be religious you have to give up the idea that you are the center of the universe. That seems to be the biggest single trait I see in people who refuse to have kids... and bless them for not doing it.

 

However, I do know 2 or 3 ladies who wanted kids, but gave it up after their husbands decided against it. Oh and 1 lady who is 38 and her husband is still telling her he wants to wait a few years...

 

The book of Job is a hard pill to swallow. My human nature hates the very idea of it. Bad things happen to good people... that fact is perhaps life's most difficult moral question.

[jamesbob]

This may sound like an attack but maybe these promiscuous women know that fewer partners mean higher standards and feel like they don't measure up anymore. It might be a tough blow to feel like there's men out there who wouldn't accept you as a lover. Kind of like the whole man up and marry these women in their thirties who had a "change of priorities" from their promiscuous 20's. I mistakenly told a coworker I was going out on a date with a 19 year old and she promptly told me how I'm a douchebag and I should date women my own age. But when I asked her if 9 years older than me was okay she had no problems with that.

Edited January 30, 2013 by jamesbob

[animalover]

I would ask you one question... why would you want to be in a monogamous relationship... I mean if you don't mind your girlfriend having banged half town, why would you mind if she would keep having sex while with you? (Forget STD's , lets say she would protect herself).

I would love it if you would answer me this question KunFuJoe...

 

Then tell me...why do men want women with lower numbers?

 

Why even care?

[Untouchable_Fire]

I would love it if you would answer me this question KunFuJoe...

 

I've got a better question!

 

With the loosening of gender roles.... Why the hell aren't more women avoiding the crap out of manwhores? If I was a girl... I would not date promiscuous men at all. In fact I think dating promiscuous men is dumber than dating promiscuous women.

[BetheButterfly]

I think Religious people have more kids because they are less self centered as individuals. In order to be religious you have to give up the idea that you are the center of the universe

Good point.

 

That seems to be the biggest single trait I see in people who refuse to have kids... and bless them for not doing it.

Some religious people don't want to have kids too, but one reason is because they believe they have other goals to accomplish. Some give up the dream of marriage and children in order to spend more time and have more freedom to help other people, like Corrie ten Boom, one of my heroes.

 

However, I do know 2 or 3 ladies who wanted kids, but gave it up after their husbands decided against it. Oh and 1 lady who is 38 and her husband is still telling her he wants to wait a few years...

Interestingly, my youngest sister didn't want kids, but she is considering it because the man she loves, her fiance, would like to have 2 kids. Out of love for him, she is willing to be a Mommy. She wishes that she could skip the baby stage though and if she does get pregnant, you can bet that I and our Mom are going to help her take care of the baby, because she wants to be a lawyer and she doesn't want to be "stuck" at home taking care of the baby. Her fiance understands this and respects her decision, and our Mom and I are willing to help raise the child (or children) while she pursues her dream of being a lawyer in order to help others.

 

The book of Job is a hard pill to swallow. My human nature hates the very idea of it. Bad things happen to good people... that fact is perhaps life's most difficult moral question

100% agreed. Very deep observation

[KungFuJoe]

I've got a better question!

 

With the loosening of gender roles.... Why the hell aren't more women avoiding the crap out of manwhores? If I was a girl... I would not date promiscuous men at all. In fact I think dating promiscuous men is dumber than dating promiscuous women.

 

Because of genetic hardcoding.

 

Women, back then, needed strong, virile men...to be able to have sex and protect them and their offspring.

 

Men who sleep around with a lot of women are seen as sexually "strong"...and thus, due to genetic hardcoding, there is still that "attraction" to men.

[KungFuJoe]

But think about what you said just.

 

Why the hell aren't women avoiding manwhores?

 

Because old habits are hard to break!

 

Why do men still want women with low numbers?

 

For the exact same reason!