Consolidated 'looks' discussion and society's standards of beauty for men vs women

[xxoo]

After one very unpleasant experience I slather it on the strongest kind when I am out in the sun.

 

Many women put it on every single day, not to prevent a sunburn, but to prevent the cumulative aging effects over time. Like I said, I started in my 20s. I didn't wear make up, but I was already consciously taking care of my skin.

[sweetkiwi]

Genetics plays a factor. My mother easily passes as my sister. And people think I am at least 5 years younger than I am. My grandma has very little wrinkles. Its not something I have seen any women in my family fuss over.

 

I only wear sunscreen on my face because I don't like having a pink nose and cheeks. I tan extremely easy though I prefer it be naturaly.

[somedude81]

Why do women care if they look old and have wrinkles?

 

Sunscreen or not, you're still going to have wrinkles in your 60's.

[iris219]

 

And no, I've never heard anybody tell a woman that she needs to get prettier. I've seen a few threads where there was a struggling woman where she describes herself as very overweight and most of the posters dance around that issue telling her that other things are more important.

 

Men do wear beauty products.

 

Various kinds and types of hair gel, cologne, beard and facial hair trimmers etc. Just because men don't buy special face creams does not mean we don't do things to improve our appearance.

 

When I first started coming on here to complain about being single, some assumed I was ugly and suggested I get less ugly or date equally ugly men. I'm not ugly, btw, so then the assumption was that I'm incredibly picky. Basically, the prevailing though is that if a woman is attractive, that's enough when it comes to dating.

 

Also, there is a certain female poster who struggled with dating and she was told to lose weight (she wasn't fat), grow out her hair, dress better, and put on makeup. You know who I mean.

 

The majority of the men I know don't use beauty products.

[xxoo]

Genetics plays a factor. My mother easily passes as my sister. And people think I am at least 5 years younger than I am. My grandma has very little wrinkles. Its not something I have seen any women in my family fuss over.

 

I only wear sunscreen on my face because I don't like having a pink nose and cheeks. I tan extremely easy though I prefer it be naturaly.

 

Not all women do, true. But women commonly do wear sunscreen for this reason.

 

But how many men do? Any at all?

[iris219]

Why do women care if they look old and have wrinkles?

 

Sunscreen or not, you're still going to have wrinkles in your 60's.

 

Just the fact that you ask this proves a lot!

 

Because as women, we know we're judged by how we look everyday.

[somedude81]

When I first started coming on here to complain about being single, some assumed I was ugly and suggested I get less ugly or date equally ugly men. I'm not ugly, btw, so then the assumption was that I'm incredibly picky. Basically, the prevailing though is that if a woman is attractive, that's enough when it comes to dating.

Are you able to tell when you are being trolled?

 

Also, there is a certain female poster who struggled with dating and she was told to lose weight (she wasn't fat), grow out her hair, dress better, and put on makeup. You know who I mean.

 

The majority of the men I know don't use beauty products.

The whole entire time verhrzn was an active member she had a boyfriend or a FWB. She did not struggle.

 

If you also noticed, only about 10% of posters told her the things you did, the other 90% told her that she looked great. She was not lacking in compliments and flirtatious comments from men.

 

Hell, even I tried to get something started with her. We PMed a lot for a while and skyped once. She turned me down.

Just the fact that you ask this proves a lot!

 

Because as women, we know we're judged by how we look everyday.

By who!?

Edited January 5, 2013 by somedude81

[AD1980]

I really dont think men are as bad as women think..sure some are extremely shallow adn judgmental but i see it more and ore in women these days as well

[Casablanca]

Are you struggling to get a date?

 

 

You must not have been paying attention to those threads because what I've said is always the top pieces of advice given. You are also correct that they are told to work on their confidence, which is about as helpful as telling somebody to get smarter.

 

Men do wear beauty products.

 

Various kinds and types of hair gel, cologne, beard and facial hair trimmers etc. Just because men don't buy special face creams does not mean we don't do things to improve our appearance.

I do not struggle to get dates, I have one set for tonight and another date wednesday with another woman.

 

Men can work on confidence, I have gained a lot of confidence from when I was in high school.

 

Men do not wear that many beauty products, hair gel would be the only visible one and most men don't ...cologne and deodorant is about as far as most men go.

[somedude81]

I do not struggle to get dates, I have one set for tonight and another date wednesday with another woman.

Men can work on confidence, I have gained a lot of confidence from when I was in high school.

 

Men do not wear that many beauty products, hair gel would be the only visible one and most men don't ...cologne and deodorant is about as far as most men go.

And that's why you don't feel pressured to improve your looks.

 

Thanks for playing

[xxoo]

By who!?

 

When you get older, and the single men your age around you date younger and younger....you start to wonder how men your age view women their own age.

[Casablanca]

And that's why you don't feel pressured to improve your looks.

 

Thanks for playing

I said that might be it, but even when I did struggle, I didn't feel that pressured

 

As a guy, even if I was struggling, I see enough guys with women who are IMO out of their league (in a good way) than I see the other way around...I knew it was only a matter of time

 

I'm not saying men don't worry about their looks, but it is without question no where as big as a deal for men as it is for women

[iris219]

Hell, even I tried to get something started with her. We PMed a lot for a while and skyped once. She turned me down.

 

Hmm...interesting. I didn't know this. I think you two would have ended up hating each other anyway.

 

I really dont think men are as bad as women think..sure some are extremely shallow adn judgmental but i see it more and ore in women these days as well

 

I see firsthand most days how men react when an attractive woman walks in the room vs. when a less attractive woman walks in. I'm talking about experiences in my professional life, not out in the club.

 

Women, on the other hand, treat their male colleagues the same, regardless of what they look like.

[Casablanca]

I see firsthand most days how men react when an attractive woman walks in the room vs. when a less attractive woman walks in. I'm talking about experiences in my professional life, not out in the club.

 

Women, on the other hand, treat their male colleagues the same, regardless of what they look like.

I agree, hell I'll admit that I'll tip a very attractive waitress more than she probably deserved, if I got so so service, I'd still probably tip her as if I got really good service.

[somedude81]

When you get older, and the single men your age around you date younger and younger....you start to wonder how men your age view women their own age.

I really hope you understand that why men date younger women isn't because they have less wrinkles.

 

 

 

I said that might be it, but even when I did struggle, I didn't feel that pressured

 

As a guy, even if I was struggling, I see enough guys with women who are IMO out of their league (in a good way) than I see the other way around...I knew it was only a matter of time

 

I'm not saying men don't worry about their looks, but it is without question no where as big as a deal for men as it is for women

Over here where I live, I see far more couples where the man is more attractive than the girl or they are equal. Very rarely is the woman "out of his league."

 

 

Hmm...interesting. I didn't know this. I think you two would have ended up hating each other anyway.

Most likely

 

She seemed like the type of person who would need constant validation and would never be happy.

[iris219]

Over here where I live, I see far more couples where the man is more attractive than the girl or they are equal. Very rarely is the woman "out of his league."

 

Where I live it's the opposite.

 

I agree, hell I'll admit that I'll tip a very attractive waitress more than she probably deserved, if I got so so service, I'd still probably tip her as if I got really good service.

 

Yep. I'm not surprised.

 

Honestly, I just started paying attention to this after one of my less attractive female coworkers asked me if I noticed how the men we work with treat me differently. I hadn't. I just thought we worked with a bunch of super friendly guys. She told me there are male colleagues who have never tried to talk to her (she's worked there for years), yet these same guys stop by my office to chat with me on a regular basis, offer to give me private tutorials, and sit by me when we have meetings.

Edited January 5, 2013 by iris219

[sweetkiwi]

 

She seemed like the type of person who would need constant validation and would never be happy.

 

:lmao:

[xxoo]

I really hope you understand that why men date younger women isn't because they have less wrinkles.

 

Then what is it?

 

I'm talking about divorced men in their 40s. (not all men, but it is becoming a more pronounced trend as my peer group ages...)

[Casablanca]

Yep. I'm not surprised.

 

Honestly, I just started paying attention to this after one of my less attractive female coworkers asked me if I noticed how the men we work with treat me differently. I hadn't. I just thought we worked with a bunch of super friendly guys. She told me there are male colleagues who have never tried to talk to her (she's worked there for years), yet these same guys stop by my office to chat with me a regular basis, offer to give me private tutorials, and sit by me when we have meetings.

Now I'll sit and talk with my less attractive colleagues, but I have noticed the more attractive ones do get more attention

[somedude81]

:lmao:

You may think I'm being ironic but I'm not.

 

First off all, have you seen any of her posts? She'd intentionally cause drama with her boyfriends and try to get them to call her ugly.

 

The only validation I would need from my GF is for her to be with me and have sex at least once a week. I wouldn't need reassurances about my looks or for her to tell me that I'm her only one etc.

Then what is it?

 

I'm talking about divorced men in their 40s. (not all men, but it is becoming a more pronounced trend as my peer group ages...)

#1 reason. Baggage.

#2: How younger women act compared to women in their 40's. Energy level

#3: Body: Wrinkles are a only a fraction of what signifies a woman as older.

[xxoo]

#1 reason. Baggage.

#2: How younger women act compared to women in their 40's. Energy level

#3: Body: Wrinkles are a only a fraction of what signifies a woman as older.

 

A 40 year old divorced man brings his own baggage.

 

A 40 year old guy has his own energy issues. Alternatively, 40 year old men and women can be very fit and active.

 

The body thing may be the biggest question for me....why not date a woman your age who has taken care of herself, and has shown that she will age well, rather than dating a younger woman who may "let herself go"?

 

There are just as many fit 40 year old women as fit 40 year old men (maybe more). So why do they date younger? Even sometimes dating less fit, younger women?

[Casablanca]

There is a huge market for it. Just off the top of my head:

 

-bodybuilding supplements

-steroids

-finasteride/dutasteride/minoxidil(hair loss)

-gym memberships... how many women do you see in the gym furiously working out?

-elevator shoes

 

I see plenty of women in the gym, and I'd like to hear from women, but I think most women, well at least the type I go for don't want a total meat head.

 

What the hell are elevator shoes?

[somedude81]

A 40 year old divorced man brings his own baggage.

 

A 40 year old guy has his own energy issues. Alternatively, 40 year old men and women can be very fit and active.

 

The body thing may be the biggest question for me....why not date a woman your age who has taken care of herself, and has shown that she will age well, rather than dating a younger woman who may "let herself go"?

 

There are just as many fit 40 year old women as fit 40 year old men (maybe more). So why do they date younger? Even sometimes dating less fit, younger women?

You do know I'm not in my 40's right?

 

All I'm doing is comparing women 40+ to women under 35 and listing why I think a man in 40's would want to date younger.

[ThaWholigan]

This is just descending into another "men have it hard and nobody cares" thread.

 

Elswyth nailed it earlier in the thread and conveniently it got ignored.

 

Are you talking about LS or IRL?

 

The 'double standard' that I have seen on LS exists because, with a few exceptions, the men who are insecure about their looks seem to have a fondness of pinning all the blame for their lack of success on the 'shallow, superficial bitches'. THAT is what gets people riled up, not their insecurity. On the other hand, the common theme that I've seen in insecure women's threads is: 'Am I not hot enough to get a guy? I work out everyday and eat right but my bf still talks about how hot other women are. Why can't I be good enough for him?' For some reason, the insecure women on LS usually seem to internalize all the blame, while the men typically tend to externalize it. Obviously neither approach is healthy but the latter is going to get you way more flak. There are a few men who are insecure but don't blame women, and those men actually get a lot of kindness from the ladies of LS.

 

I completely identify and sympathize with the guys who struggle in terms of accepting the way they look. But when they constantly whine about it, it gets tiring and people lose sympathy for them. That's why they get no pity. The reason why I don't see it much in real life is because guys generally either hide their insecurity or they aren't insecure at all. Most of the guys I know seem pretty comfortable with how they look and aren't worried at all. They still get women. Don't know a guy who struggles outside of a few.

 

Still, the lack of pity is due to that same pity being exhausted and also its hard to pity a guy who blames women's "shallow standards" for his dating problems.

[xxoo]

You do know I'm not in my 40's right?

 

All I'm doing is comparing women 40+ to women under 35 and listing why I think a man in 40's would want to date younger.

 

Thanks for trying, I guess, but I'll keep wearing my sunscreen