Consolidated 'looks' discussion and society's standards of beauty for men vs women

[xxoo]

@Eternal Sunshine

 

I think what most guys are complaining about is that what makes a man physically attractive to a woman are features he cannot control. i.e. his bone structure. Masculine caveman facial features, height , and broad shoulders are 100% genetic and cannot be infulenced too much by working out.

 

To add to the problem it is not socially accepted for a man to surgically augment his natural assests.

 

Women on the other hand will be attractive to most men if they are of a healthy weight, with a wasit that's narrower than their hips. Which 99% of women can control simply by staying a healthy weight.

 

But women can be extremely attracted to an average looking man. Far more so, maybe, than men can be attracted to an average looking women.

 

The handful of men I've been animalistically attracted to were not the "hottest" men I've been attracted to. One was a bald, pasty professor, with wire-framed glasses. But his mind, his voice, his mannerisms, and the way he looked at me......swoon. I could barely breathe normally around him.

[xxoo]

Your impression that women only have eyes for the one they are with is FAR off.

 

That may be the case for you. But it is certainly not the case for women in general.

 

It's actually not the case with me, lol, but I've been told time and time again by women that I'm weird about that. They say that they recognize hotness, but they never fantasize about sex with the guy--and that is one reason that many women are so threatened by men's fantasies. I can't relate, but I acknowledge their reality.

[JuneJulySeptember]

But women can be extremely attracted to an average looking man. Far more so, maybe, than men can be attracted to an average looking women.

 

The handful of men I've been animalistically attracted to were not the "hottest" men I've been attracted to. One was a bald, pasty professor, with wire-framed glasses. But his mind, his voice, his mannerisms, and the way he looked at me......swoon. I could barely breathe normally around him.

 

That happens to me too.

 

I should send you some pictures of some of the women I have thought were SO beautiful. I generally disagree with your assertion that women and men are so different in what they are attracted to.

 

Women are just as visual. And men are just as likely to go for personality.

[Els]

Are you talking about LS or IRL?

 

The 'double standard' that I have seen on LS exists because, with a few exceptions, the men who are insecure about their looks seem to have a fondness of pinning all the blame for their lack of success on the 'shallow, superficial bitches'. THAT is what gets people riled up, not their insecurity. On the other hand, the common theme that I've seen in insecure women's threads is: 'Am I not hot enough to get a guy? I work out everyday and eat right but my bf still talks about how hot other women are. Why can't I be good enough for him?' For some reason, the insecure women on LS usually seem to internalize all the blame, while the men typically tend to externalize it. Obviously neither approach is healthy but the latter is going to get you way more flak. There are a few men who are insecure but don't blame women, and those men actually get a lot of kindness from the ladies of LS.

 

IRL, my observation has been that women are in general far more self-conscious about their looks than men.

[mesmerized]

Women certainly feel more pressure when it comes to looks but that's not to say men don't feel any. Males looks are also important specially for younger women. As women get older they care about it less due to having less options.

[xxoo]

That happens to me too.

 

I should send you some pictures of some of the women I have thought were SO beautiful. I generally disagree with your assertion that women and men are so different in what they are attracted to.

 

Women are just as visual. And men are just as likely to go for personality.

 

I'm speaking in generalities. YMMV, of course.

 

But didn't you say in a recent thread that you sometimes think your gf looks bad? I can't wrap my head around that, and I'm wondering if that is a common feeling among men.

[somedude81]

"Women feel more pressure by society to be pretty and look young."

 

Sure.

 

Know who is doing the vast majority of the pressuring?

 

Other women.

 

Men don't care about half the things women do to become attractive. Women do them to compete against other women.

 

Yes men are visual, we are also very simple in what we like. Don't be too overweight, have girly hair and smile.

[Casablanca]

Why do men do this?

If I had to guess, some men are willing to trade brains/goals/accomplishments for a hotter woman. Also if a man makes a lot of money, being the lone provider may not be an issue

[Casablanca]

"Women feel more pressure by society to be pretty and look young."

 

Sure.

 

Know who is doing the vast majority of the pressuring?

 

Other women.

 

Men don't care about half the things women do to become attractive. Women do them to compete against other women.

 

Yes men are visual, we are also very simple in what we like. Don't be too overweight, have girly hair and smile.

Not just other women, they do it to themselves as well...it has been engrained in them. When my ex's were having a bad looks day they would say sorry if I look awful today or what ever, I still found them attractive, but they didn't feel attractive and were worried what I would think

[Woggle]

Lets just accept that both men and women have their share of pressures and it would be hard to understand if you have not lived it.

[Casablanca]

Lets just accept that both men and women have their share of pressures and it would be hard to understand if you have not lived it.

Honestly, I don't feel much if any pressure about my looks as a man

[somedude81]

Not just other women, they do it to themselves as well...it has been engrained in them. When my ex's were having a bad looks day they would say sorry if I look awful today or what ever, I still found them attractive, but they didn't feel attractive and were worried what I would think

OK.

 

It's been ingrained into them by their mother, friends and other women in their families.

 

It has nothing to do with men. Men are just the scapegoat.

[crude]

Line up 100 naked, average looking women wearing no makeup, and the word "beauty" would never cross your lips or enter your mind.

[somedude81]

Honestly, I don't feel much if any pressure about my looks as a man

That depends on what you want out of life.

 

A man who is trying to get dates feels immense pressure about his looks.

 

When a guy asks for advice the first answers always are, work out, buy stylish clothes, read GQ, make sure you have cool hair etc.

 

When a woman struggles to get a date, wait, that doesn't happen

[Casablanca]

OK.

 

It's been ingrained into them by their mother, friends and other women in their families.

 

It has nothing to do with men. Men are just the scapegoat.

Oh, I agree there is pressure from other women, but there are men out there who pressure women, who call their girlfriend fat even though she isn't.

[xxoo]

Not just other women, they do it to themselves as well...it has been engrained in them. When my ex's were having a bad looks day they would say sorry if I look awful today or what ever, I still found them attractive, but they didn't feel attractive and were worried what I would think

 

Do men ever do the same in a relationship?

 

If not, why not?

[Casablanca]

That depends on what you want out of life.

 

A man who is trying to get dates feels immense pressure about his looks.

 

When a guy asks for advice the first answers always are, work out, buy stylish clothes, read GQ, make sure you have cool hair etc.

 

When a woman struggles to get a date, wait, that doesn't happen

I take pleasure in my looks, but I take more pleasure in my personality and sense of humor as that for me has always been my best asset.

 

I go to the gym, but it is because I want to be in shape. I just don't worry about it because I know I'm a good looking guy and am not self conscious about it. Perhaps if I wasn't good looking, (not saying 10/10, but 8/10, maybe even a 9 on my best days), I'd feel more pressure or perhaps if I was out of shape. But being out of shape, I'd be able to change that. And I'd know that if I was at least in shape, even if my face was just okay, I'd have better odds of snagging a date than a girl who is at least is in shape with an okay face unless she dated down

[Woggle]

There are some men who are very shallow but from what I see the worst pressure comes from the fashion industry which is run by women and gay men. They are the ones who push the anorexic look. Look at the women that most men lust after and most of them are healthy looking instead of skinny looking. There is an industry that thrives off of convincing women that men are more shallow than we actually are.

 

Also there are a number of attractive hollywood men who are married to average women. Look at High Jackman.

[iris219]

When my ex's were having a bad looks day they would say sorry if I look awful today or what ever, I still found them attractive, but they didn't feel attractive and were worried what I would think

 

I've done the same thing. If I'm having a day where I feel like I look tired or my hair is doing weird things, I genuinely feel bad about my BF having to see me looking less appealing because I know it was my appearance that attracted him. While women became attracted to men for aspects other than appearance, men became attracted to women solely based on appearance in the beginning.

 

I don't think men think about how they look or what what they can do to improve their appearance all that often. If they did, there'd be a market for male beauty products.

 

Somedude, when a woman can't get a date, she's told to get prettier. When a men can't get a date, he's told to work on his confidence, sense of humor, and make some money.

[Woggle]

I've done the same thing. If I'm having a day where I feel like I look tired or my hair is doing weird things, I genuinely feel bad about my BF having to see me looking less appealing because I know it was my appearance that attracted him. While women became attracted to men for aspects other than appearance, men became attracted to women solely based on appearance in the beginning.

 

I don't think men think about how they look or what what they can do to improve their appearance all that often. If they did, there'd be a market for male beauty products.

 

Somedude, when a woman can't get a date, she's told to get prettier. When a men can't get a date, he's told to work on his confidence, sense of humor, and make some money.

 

And 9 times out 10 a man probably thinks she is hot an a bad hair day.

[xxoo]

I don't think men think about how they look or what what they can do to improve their appearance all that often. If they did, there'd be a market for male beauty products.

 

I wonder how many men think to wear sunscreen daily, or hide from the sun? I've been protecting my face from the sun since my early 20s. My H has not. My face looks a lot younger than his now, at 40ish. We're both ok with that (I think he looks great with a few lines).

[somedude81]

I take pleasure in my looks, but I take more pleasure in my personality and sense of humor as that for me has always been my best asset.

 

I go to the gym, but it is because I want to be in shape. I just don't worry about it because I know I'm a good looking guy and am not self conscious about it. Perhaps if I wasn't good looking, (not saying 10/10, but 8/10, maybe even a 9 on my best days), I'd feel more pressure or perhaps if I was out of shape. But being out of shape, I'd be able to change that. And I'd know that if I was at least in shape, even if my face was just okay, I'd have better odds of snagging a date than a girl who is at least is in shape with an okay face unless she dated down

Are you struggling to get a date?

 

I've done the same thing. If I'm having a day where I feel like I look tired or my hair is doing weird things, I genuinely feel bad about my BF having to see me looking less appealing because I know it was my appearance that attracted him. While women became attracted to men for aspects other than appearance, men became attracted to women solely based on appearance in the beginning.

 

I don't think men think about how they look or what what they can do to improve their appearance all that often. If they did, there'd be a market for male beauty products.

 

Somedude, when a woman can't get a date, she's told to get prettier. When a men can't get a date, he's told to work on his confidence, sense of humor, and make some money.

You must not have been paying attention to those threads because what I've said is always the top pieces of advice given. You are also correct that they are told to work on their confidence, which is about as helpful as telling somebody to get smarter.

 

And no, I've never heard anybody tell a woman that she needs to get prettier. I've seen a few threads where there was a struggling woman where she describes herself as very overweight and most of the posters dance around that issue telling her that other things are more important.

 

Men do wear beauty products.

 

Various kinds and types of hair gel, cologne, beard and facial hair trimmers etc. Just because men don't buy special face creams does not mean we don't do things to improve our appearance.

Edited January 5, 2013 by somedude81

[What_A_Hoot]

This thread is making me starting to make me feel ugly.

[iris219]

I wonder how many men think to wear sunscreen daily, or hide from the sun? I've been protecting my face from the sun since my early 20s. My H has not. My face looks a lot younger than his now, at 40ish. We're both ok with that (I think he looks great with a few lines).

 

Probably not many. I'm dating a surfer who admitted that sometimes he doesn't wear sunscreen. I was like "WHAT!?" I can't even imagine that.

 

His rationale was that he surfs early and he doesn't burn easily so he doesn't think he's at high risk for skin cancer. Getting wrinkles and looking old isn't something he thinks about at all.

[Woggle]

After one very unpleasant experience I slather it on the strongest kind when I am out in the sun.