Ending my porn addiction

[AlexDP]

Most the reason for the returned masculinity is that I'm not constantly releasing my testosterone through masturbation.

 

This is bull****. You know that, right? It has no foundation in science whatsoever.

[BetheButterfly]

Exactly, that's a great way to describe it.

 

On top of that these people have great sex lives and brag on LS about how they do it everyday and how it's so wonderful and how they love to do loads of fourplay and everything. So that makes them trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life that guys like myself have to be even worse.

 

I find it to be disgusting, really disgusting, and offensive.

 

I see drop-dead gorgeous women at the gym. I don't think, "Oh, how dare they flaunt their beautiful bodies and brag about themselves. That's so disgusting and offensive."

 

No. That is counterproductive, whiny, and just shows a downright bad attitude. When I hear a sexy and beautiful lady give advice as to how to be a sexy and beautiful lady, I listen. I think, "Hey! I want to be sexy and beautiful too, and I can! I can listen to those who have experience, take the advice into consideration, and follow her advice!" Guess what? It works. I have grown in my sexiness and beauty by not having a whiny, super-sensitive, negative attitude towards those who are beautiful and sexy, but rather learning from them.

 

Anyways, noone is taking your right to wank off to porn, ok? My intent was not to offend you, but rather to give advice to help you get a relationship with a real woman. However, it's of course your right to get all offended about it. Only you can control your attitude. I personally won't give you any more advice, since it offends you so much.

[AlexDP]

I see drop-dead gorgeous women at the gym. I don't think, "Oh, how dare they flaunt their beautiful bodies and brag about themselves. That's so disgusting and offensive."

 

No. That is counterproductive, whiny, and just shows a downright bad attitude. When I hear a sexy and beautiful lady give advice as to how to be a sexy and beautiful lady, I listen. I think, "Hey! I want to be sexy and beautiful too, and I can! I can listen to those who have experience, take the advice into consideration, and follow her advice!" Guess what? It works. I have grown in my sexiness and beauty by not having a whiny, super-sensitive, negative attitude towards those who are beautiful and sexy, but rather learning from them.

 

Anyways, noone is taking your right to wank off to porn, ok? My intent was not to offend you, but rather to give advice to help you get a relationship with a real woman. However, it's of course your right to get all offended about it. Only you can control your attitude. I personally won't give you any more advice, since it offends you so much.

 

So by that post I reckon you have lots of experience in hooking up with women? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you could teach dear Ross a lesson or two about performing oral sex on your husband, but I really doubt that you can teach him how to pick up women.

[BetheButterfly]

I didn't say it was his medicine. It probably doesn't help him with those things. What it does is provide a sexual release that satiates him. He obviously has problems dealing with it alongside the anxiety/depression that disables him from actually engaging romantically with a woman. As I do not have anxiety and depression, I have found it easier to deal with lack of sexual release and I currently do not masturbate to porn.

 

 

I do know that some women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation. But if a man is currently garnering no romantic interest even though he is trying, what is he to do. Stew in his own juices?

 

 

 

I agree to an extent. I don't need porn to be happy, and I have gone without it for very long periods. But I think your attitude concerning this is a little condescending even though you mean well. You obviously don't really understand how some of these guys struggle even when they are improving themselves and their self-discipline to get girls sometimes. It's a big step for some of them. To tell them that they haven't truly lived because they masturbate once in a while is rubbing the salt into their wounds in my opinion.

 

 

 

I don't think I'd be miserable. I would just be......well, a complete horndog most of the time . I was like that whenever I didn't masturbate or watch porn, currently I don't do either but that is because I'm actually having sex. Sure, I have the discipline to deal with my rather enormous sex drive, but it's not about me.

 

 

I am also impressed with man-in-the-box and his understanding. But I don't think that Ross is incapable of loving a woman just because he masturbates - that is quite an insulting statement. I also gather that Ross has ALREADY taken the advice you have given him and has already gone long periods without masturbation and it did not work for him.

 

I get that you are married and have some experience dating so I would think that people would learn and benefit from your experience/viewpoint, but in this case it is not one that is proving to be helpful, although as I have said, I'm 100% sure that you mean well.

 

 

 

Again, you fail to understand the extent of Ross' illnesses, but you are right he is not a little kid. The reason he didn't care for your advice was not because he had no interest in taking it (As I said, he has already tried abstaining and he did not experience any positive change - and anyway, he doesn't even do it all the time), but it was because he felt insulted.

 

 

Thanks for the thought-provoking, level-headed, and interesting response. I can't answer fully right now - don't have time, but I hope to reply more tomorrow. I'll just say real quick that I agree to disagree with you, and thanks for recognizing that I mean well. I didn't mean to be condescending, though thanks for helping me see better Ross' point of view. However, now I understand better why he doesn't have experience with women. My goal was to help, but I learned my lesson about trying to help guys who don't have experience with women!

 

Thanks again for explaining in a cool way.

[BetheButterfly]

So by that post I reckon you have lots of experience in hooking up with women? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you could teach dear Ross a lesson or two about performing oral sex on your husband, but I really doubt that you can teach him how to pick up women.

 

I have experience with shy guys who tried to get to know me, and I have girl friends who have had experience saying no to shy guys. Shy guys need to get out of their comfort zone. One way to help them grow some balls and learn how to communicate well with women is to not fixate on porn, but rather on interacting with women. Porn is not the observer interacting with women. It's the observer watching and using his hand to pleasure himself. There's a big difference with watching porn and knowing how to talk with a woman/build a connection with her in order to have a relationship, whether longterm or casual.

 

It's almost like eating junk food till you're stuffed, and then you are too full/lazy to go eat wonderful organic food that's good for your body. If you're hungry though, because you've passed on the greasy fattening food, then you'll go out and get the organic food that's good for you.

 

Hunger is a motivator. If one puts their sexual hunger into motivating them to go and establish a good connection with a girl, that is going to help much more than simply staring at a screen or magazine and jerking off.

 

I really liked how grkboy talks about "keeping" testosterone.

 

Yikes it's late!!! Chao and thanks for being nicer and not hating on me for being married and loving my husband.

 

Anyways, I know you don't like me and that's fine. You live your life; I'll live mine.

[AlexDP]

I have experience with shy guys who tried to get to know me, and I have girl friends who have had experience saying no to shy guys. Shy guys need to get out of their comfort zone. One way to help them grow some balls and learn how to communicate well with women is to not fixate on porn, but rather on interacting with women. Porn is not the observer interacting with women. It's the observer watching and using his hand to pleasure himself. There's a big difference with watching porn and knowing how to talk with a woman/build a connection with her in order to have a relationship, whether longterm or casual.

 

It's almost like eating junk food till you're stuffed, and then you are too full/lazy to go eat wonderful organic food that's good for your body. If you're hungry though, because you've passed on the greasy fattening food, then you'll go out and get the organic food that's good for you.

 

Hunger is a motivator. If one puts their sexual hunger into motivating them to go and establish a good connection with a girl, that is going to help much more than simply staring at a screen or magazine and jerking off.

 

I really liked how grkboy talks about "keeping" testosterone.

 

Yikes it's late!!! Chao and thanks for being nicer and not hating on me for being married and loving my husband.

 

Anyways, I know you don't like me and that's fine. You live your life; I'll live mine.

 

I'm happy you love your husband. But I can sense that it is not an adult love and I'm pretty sure your love history would confirm that. It is weird to mention him in every post and it indicates something is off. That is why I think you're not the best person to help others in dating.

[BetheButterfly]

I'm happy you love your husband. But I can sense that it is not an adult love and I'm pretty sure your love history would confirm that. It is weird to mention him in every post and it indicates something is off. That is why I think you're not the best person to help others in dating.

 

Obviously, you don't know me, but you are entitled to your opinion. My husband will be here soon, and since my husband knows me, he knows just how "adult" my love is lol. :love: His opinion of me is what matters, not some stranger on the Internet who doesn't even know me.

 

Ta ta:bunny:

[AlexDP]

Obviously, you don't know me, but you are entitled to your opinion. My husband will be here soon, and since my husband knows me, he knows just how "adult" my love is lol. :love: His opinion of me is what matters, not some stranger on the Internet who doesn't even know me.

 

Ta ta:bunny:

 

Again. All about your husband. It's weird. Is this man God?

[grkBoy]

This is bull****. You know that, right? It has no foundation in science whatsoever.

 

I wasn't really thinking in terms of "science", but how how things seemingly changed for me when I stopped.

 

 

I'm not judging anyone who likes porn and masturbating to it. I'm simply taking the moment to basically make my "I am an addict" statement and share what I personally found when I stopped.

 

Some guys I'm sure can fap 10 times a day to the most raunchiest porn and yet go out and lay some random girl easily with no ED or anything. Apparently according to the many articles popping up on the "loss of masculinity" out there, many guys can't.

[man_in_the_box]

I have serious doubts with testosterone levels dropping as a result of porn/masturbation let alone the claim that it somehow is in semen. You're confused with the natural chemicals that are released in the brain after climax that make one relatively tired, ready for sleep, disinterested in sex.

[grkBoy]

I have serious doubts with testosterone levels dropping as a result of porn/masturbation let alone the claim that it somehow is in semen. You're confused with the natural chemicals that are released in the brain after climax that make one relatively tired, ready for sleep, disinterested in sex.

 

I should have used a better choice of words. Sorry.

 

My use of "testosterone" was simply more a symbol of that masculine feeling I felt more or less surge into me when I stopped looking at porn and abstained from masturbation for longer periods.

 

I did a Google search though and found this:

 

Endocrine response to masturbation-induced orga... [World J Urol. 2001] - PubMed - NCBI

 

This current study examined the effect of a 3-week period of sexual abstinence on the neuroendocrine response to masturbation-induced orgasm. Hormonal and cardiovascular parameters were examined in ten healthy adult men during sexual arousal and masturbation-induced orgasm. Blood was drawn continuously and cardiovascular parameters were constantly monitored. This procedure was conducted for each participant twice, both before and after a 3-week period of sexual abstinence. Plasma was subsequently analysed for concentrations of adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and testosterone concentrations. Orgasm increased blood pressure, heart rate, plasma catecholamines and prolactin. These effects were observed both before and after sexual abstinence. In contrast, although plasma testosterone was unaltered by orgasm, higher testosterone concentrations were observed following the period of abstinence. These data demonstrate that acute abstinence does not change the neuroendocrine response to orgasm but does produce elevated levels of testosterone in males.

 

 

In the end, many of the articles I've read to help me get started on the 60-day challenge and stay on it did speak of how your "masculinity" seemingly rises. Many men speaking of how they find more women on the street attractive, even sexually, than they didn't in the past. How they found themselves more daring to approach and talk to women, feeling some kind of inner strength and confidence.

 

It might just be all in their heads...but I figured I'd share that as a possibility for many guys who would think of trying a 60-day challenge to see if it helps them gain more "masculinity" and possibly more success with women.

 

My only thought is to help everyone.

[skydiveaddict]

How they found themselves more daring to approach and talk to women, feeling some kind of inner strength and confidence.

 

Exactly. And women can sense that. I don't know if it's scientifically provable or not, but I bet most women would agree with what you said.

[somedude81]

Being able to talk to women is absolutely not affected by masturbating to porn or not. It's the same nonsense as saying that masturbation can cause blindness.

 

There are many factors that can affect how well a man does with women; game, confidence, charisma, looks, reputation; masturbating to porn is not one of those.

I'll also admit I feel more "masculine" now than I did before. I seriously and especially think the "nice guys" who can't get a date should take the 60-day challenge (if they look at porn a lot).

In this time that you abstained form porn and were feeling more masculine. Were you having sex?

 

There's a big difference with watching porn and knowing how to talk with a woman/build a connection with her in order to have a relationship, whether longterm or casual.

Of course there is. I don't think anybody would think that they are the same thing, or even affect each other.

Hunger is a motivator. If one puts their sexual hunger into motivating them to go and establish a good connection with a girl, that is going to help much more than simply staring at a screen or magazine and jerking off.

So you are saying that guys who aren't sexually active, should not masturbate and use that sexual hunger to pursue women for sex? Yeah, that does make sense.

 

The question is how to deal with the extra tension and irritability that is caused from going so long without a release. And BTW, you haven't addressed my post if you could go six months without any sort of sexual intimacy.

[skydiveaddict]

Being able to talk to women is absolutely not affected by masturbating to porn or not. It's the same nonsense as saying that masturbation can cause blindness.

 

C'mon dude. You've already said that porn and masturbation has gotten you nowhere; but it's the best you can do, since you can't get a girl.

 

Try something different for a while. Try being your own man. I know you can do it.

[man_in_the_box]

In the end, many of the articles I've read to help me get started on the 60-day challenge and stay on it did speak of how your "masculinity" seemingly rises. Many men speaking of how they find more women on the street attractive, even sexually, than they didn't in the past. How they found themselves more daring to approach and talk to women, feeling some kind of inner strength and confidence.

 

It might just be all in their heads...but I figured I'd share that as a possibility for many guys who would think of trying a 60-day challenge to see if it helps them gain more "masculinity" and possibly more success with women.

 

My only thought is to help everyone.

 

Good find, I wouldn't have expected that it would actually affect testosterone levels in the blood. How much did these men masturbate or was it a test right before and after masturbation? And by how much did the testosterone levels vary (it normally is somewhere between 400 and 1400 ng/dm3?).

[betterdeal]

Quick question: what would you do if there was no porn on the internet?

[grkBoy]

Quick question: what would you do if there was no porn on the internet?

 

I lived in that time.

 

If let's say the world wide web crashed for one month, many men would still have private stashes on their hard drives. If not then they'll go back to buying magazines or buying/renting videos. That or make due with Victoria's secret catalogs and other images.

 

I look at Maxim and Stuff, and really see Penthouse or Playboy with no nudity. It's insane how much "whack material" is out there for everyone.

[BetheButterfly]

Again. All about your husband.

 

AlexDP, let me let you in on a little secret ok?

 

Are you ready?

 

 

 

 

 

This is a forum where we write about our relationships. Take a little guess with whom do I have a relationship? Just take a little guess. It's not hard. You can do it.

 

Shock of shockers!!! Here on LOVEshack, I talk about my relationship with my husband!!! Wow!!! Who'd have thunk it!!! I mean, why would I want to write about him on LOVEshack? Why don't I just write about clothes and sports (wait, I'm not a sportsperson, nix that) and animals and leave my husband out of half my posts so some strange stranger doesn't think I'm weird! I mean, get with the times woman! It's weird to talk so much about your husband who you love!

 

It's weird.

 

If that's weird to you, so be it. I'd rather be "weird" and talk/write about the man I love than be a cheater, or a manhater, or negative about love.

 

Now, I wanna pick your brain a little bit.

 

Could you please answer the following questions?

 

1. Which is the weirdest to you?

a. A person who writes on a relationship-oriented forum about their relationship

b. A stranger who doubts the love of a person he has never met for her husband.

c. A person who cheats on their mate and breaks his/her heart.

d. A person who wanks to porn instead of finding and building a connection with a girl who can mutually enjoy sex with him.

e. A pink elephant

 

Personally, I would contemplate b. but, knowing humans are diverse, would settle with e: the pink elephant being the "weirdest."

 

2. Why would a stranger continue to harp on another stranger's posting about her husband on a relationship forum named LOVEshack?

a. He likes to ignore all those women who cheat on their husbands/boyfriends, and instead hates on a woman who adores her husband and shows it.

b. He likes to judge strangers because he thinks he is God and knows everything.

c. He wants all wives to stop talking so much about their husbands and instead go cheat on them, since that's not "weird."

d. He likes it when other women are so bitter that they become manhaters and doesn't understand why one of them is so insistent on loving her man and writing about him all the time.

e. ____________________________________________________

f. All of the above.

 

Personally, I'm stumped. I woulda thought that men like to see that a wife adores her husband, doesn't talk bad about him, doesn't cheat on him, and doesn't hate men. I'm so weird. Oh well. I also hate shopping for shoes and I despise purses, so I already knew I was weird and different from other women lol.

 

Is this man God?

 

Nah. Es mi "Angelito." (He's my "Angel.") :love:

[betterdeal]

I lived in that time.

 

If let's say the world wide web crashed for one month, many men would still have private stashes on their hard drives. If not then they'll go back to buying magazines or buying/renting videos. That or make due with Victoria's secret catalogs and other images.

 

I look at Maxim and Stuff, and really see Penthouse or Playboy with no nudity. It's insane how much "whack material" is out there for everyone.

 

It was a lot less prolific pre 1995 and I think that makes a difference.

[somedude81]

C'mon dude. You've already said that porn and masturbation has gotten you nowhere; but it's the best you can do, since you can't get a girl.

 

Try something different for a while. Try being your own man. I know you can do it.

As if not looking at porn is going to get me anywhere.

 

The "something different for a while" could be talking to more girls, asking them out and not being afraid to express my desire. That would have a lot more affect on my life than if I gave up porn.

[BetheButterfly]

I didn't say it was his medicine. It probably doesn't help him with those things.

 

Agreed

What it does is provide a sexual release that satiates him.

 

Exactly, and when one is satiated, one doesn't work as hard to find a better alternative to what satiates him.

 

He obviously has problems dealing with it alongside the anxiety/depression that disables him from actually engaging romantically with a woman.

 

Maybe just maybe, if he let masturbating to porn go, he would work on making himself more attractive to women and would grow in enjoying interacting with women on a personal level, instead of just merely wanking off to watching some women having sex with men. If he would step out of his comfort zone, learn what makes most women tick, and grow in establishing quality relationships (friendships with women, as well as a romantic relationship with a wonderful lady) that would help him not be so depressed.

 

 

As I do not have anxiety and depression, I have found it easier to deal with lack of sexual release and I currently do not masturbate to porn.

 

Cool. I wonder if those who have anxiety/depression more easily fall into addiction to porn?

 

 

I do know that some women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation.

 

Yep

 

But if a man is currently garnering no romantic interest even though he is trying, what is he to do. Stew in his own juices?

 

No. It's like a person who is overweight and wanting to be thin. Should that person "stew in his own juices" or do something to change his/her body? The overweight person who wants to lose fat should let go of the fattening foods he/she is putting in his/her body, and endure the pain of dieting and exercise in order to achieve his/her goal.

 

 

I agree to an extent. I don't need porn to be happy, and I have gone without it for very long periods.

 

Awesome!!! This is a trait that many women desire in a mate!

 

But I think your attitude concerning this is a little condescending even though you mean well. You obviously don't really understand how some of these guys struggle even when they are improving themselves and their self-discipline to get girls sometimes. It's a big step for some of them. To tell them that they haven't truly lived because they masturbate once in a while is rubbing the salt into their wounds in my opinion.

 

I wasn't meaning to be condescending. Maybe I have a condescending personality? One of my sisters has accused me of being condescending before and having a "princess" (as in spoiled not the royal kind) attitude. However, I think I am a princess (my husband does too... I want to mention my husband in order to weird Alex out lol:lmao:) but I am trying to work on my personality not being condescending. Apparently I need to grow in that. I should make a post and ask how to not be "condescending", cause it isn't something I intend. Anyways, thanks for explaining more Ross' point of view. I think though that a lot of it has to do with attitude. A man who truly wants to change would not consider advice to be rubbing salt into their "wounds" but rather what it is, counsel that he can take or leave. That's why I gave the example of myself learning how to be sexy and beautiful from other ladies. When women I admire give me beauty/sexy tips, I don't think it's to rub salt in my "wounds", but rather as counsel that I can take or leave. I am growing in changing myself into being more sexy and beautiful, and I appreciate their advice!

 

 

I

don't think I'd be miserable. I would just be......well, a complete horndog most of the time . I was like that whenever I didn't masturbate or watch porn, currently I don't do either but that is because I'm actually having sex. Sure, I have the discipline to deal with my rather enormous sex drive, but it's not about me.

 

Well then, hopefully guys who don't have the discipline can learn from you and other men like you.

 

 

I am also impressed with man-in-the-box and his understanding. But I don't think that Ross is incapable of loving a woman just because he masturbates - that is quite an insulting statement.

 

Where did I say that Ross is incapable of loving a woman just because he masturbates? I agree that that would be an insulting (and untrue) statement. Please quote me where I have said that?

I also gather that Ross has ALREADY taken the advice you have given him and has already gone long periods without masturbation and it did not work for him.

 

My advice didn't consist only of giving up maturbating to porn. I also advise to work out (many women, including me, adore muscles) or help in the community (many women, including me, adore a man who cares for other people), and other advice. Just abstaining isn't the answer. What one does to fill in the time that was otherwise occupied by wanking off to watching other people have sex is the answer. Anyways, his attitude is what showed me why he doesn't have relationships with women. Attitude is really important, and many women don't like bad attitudes in men. When I was single, I didn't look twice at a man who had such an attitude.

 

I get that you are married and have some experience dating so I would think that people would learn and benefit from your experience/viewpoint, but in this case it is not one that is proving to be helpful, although as I have said, I'm 100% sure that you mean well.

 

Again, it all comes back to the attitude. Since in Ross' case, he thinks that people "bragging" about their love lives (on a forum dedicated to relationships) is "disgusting" and "offensive", that shows right there than instead of wanting to learn from those who experience it, he has a bad attitude about it. Again, that would be like if I thought beautiful, sexy ladies showing their bodies and talking about how they keep looking hot (by working out and watching what they eat), were "disgusting" and "offensive" instead of heeding their words and following their example.

 

People see things depending on their attitude. It's like the saying that some people see a cup half-empty, while other's see the same cup half-full. I wonder if those who see the cup half full have greater joy/happiness in life?

 

 

Again, you fail to understand the extent of Ross' illnesses, but you are right he is not a little kid. The reason he didn't care for your advice was not because he had no interest in taking it (As I said, he has already tried abstaining and he did not experience any positive change - and anyway, he doesn't even do it all the time), but it was because he felt insulted.

 

People are diverse, and again, their attitudes help dictate how they feel when others try to give them advice. Again, I won't give him anymore advice. He can do whatever he wants. And, if he wants to make love with his hand while his brain and eyes are watching porn, so be it. It reminds me of the song U + Ur Hand by Pink for some reason: (I Pink!!!)

[Ross MwcFan]

Quick question: what would you do if there was no porn on the internet?

 

I'd be fine because I've got it on DVD.

 

I lived when there wasn't any Internet, porn was extremley hard to come by, I didn't do anything, I just felt sexually frustrated and more miserable.

[Ross MwcFan]

Bethebutterfly, why don't you give up sex? You could be occupying all that time that you're having sex on improving yourself.

 

And don't say you don't need to improve yourself, as no one is 100% perfect.

 

If you would feel less happy in life giving up sex, and would rather not do that, then you obviously have an addiction.

Edited November 30, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[skydiveaddict]

Bethebutterfly, why don't you give up sex? You could be occupying all that time that you're having sex on improving yourself.

 

And don't say you don't need to improve yourself, as no one is 100% perfect.

 

If you would feel less happy in life giving up sex, and would rather not do that, then you obviously have an addiction.

 

 

Ross, don't you see the foolishness of your argument? You can no longer even distinguish the difference between pornography and masturbation; and the mutual exchange of love between two people who love each other.

 

Isn't there at least one small alarm going off inside your brain telling you that what you're doing is self-destructive?

Edited December 1, 2012 by skydiveaddict

[skydiveaddict]

As if not looking at porn is going to get me anywhere.

 

Correct! Now you've got it. It will.

 

The "something different for a while" could be talking to more girls, asking them out and not being afraid to express my desire.

 

Yea, except for the "express my desire" part. Try some confident, gentlemanly tact instead. Ask her about her life in very general, non-threatening ways. What are her interests? what does she like to do in her free time? Her favorite foods... etc. You know, just have a friendly normal conversation. People do it every day. It's not difficult.

 

That would have a lot more affect on my life than if I gave up porn.

 

It would certainly have a more positive effect on your life, no doubt. Hell, you'll probably end up meeting a girl that really likes you.

Edited December 1, 2012 by skydiveaddict