Ending my porn addiction

[somedude81]

I am glad that you care enough for her and her feelings to give up porn for her. That is awesome.

 

To Ross and Somedude,

 

if you're happy with the "poor replacement" then I assume you won't listen to my advice concerning developing a wonderful relationship with a real woman.

What advice? Don't look at porn and jerk off? Yeah stopping that will make all the ladies love me

[BetheButterfly]

What advice? Don't look at porn and jerk off? Yeah stopping that will make all the ladies love me

 

Don't look at porn and jerk off is merely a first step. It's like letting go of the rope that you rely on for comfort and security.

 

If your sexual needs are not being met through a poor replacement, that can help you grow in getting out of your comfort zone and into actually meeting, caring, and loving a wonderful real woman.

 

After you have let go of your rope, the next step of advice is to get out there (not stay on your computer) and go to where women are, and talk with them. Just learn how to communicate with women. Women are diverse, but most women appreciate friendliness, kindness, humor, and friendship. Have fun getting to know women without seeing them as sex objects.

 

Be abstinent for awhile - not pleasing yourself through your poor replacement, and not seeing women as sexual objects. Rather, train your mind to see women as the wonderful humans they are, and learn how to communicate with them in ways that they see that you are a wonderful human being too.

 

While getting to know women as real people, help out in the community. Make a positive difference in the lives of others. Make your community a more beautiful and healthy place.

 

Also, work out your muscles. Train your body as you train your mind. Both require self-control and brain power. For example, if you cannot control your brain, you're not going to be able to endure the pain that building muscles require. You're going to want to give up. Well, get tough. Train both your brain and your body. Focus on the goals you set for yourself. Don't give up.

 

As you let go of your rope, get involved in getting to know women as wonderful human beings, help the community, and train both your brain and your muscles, you will eventually find a woman who admires you, adores you, respects you, thinks you're awesome, and wants to mutually enjoy sex with you.

[Ross MwcFan]

I am glad that you care enough for her and her feelings to give up porn for her. That is awesome.

 

To Ross and Somedude,

 

if you're happy with the "poor replacement" then I assume you won't listen to my advice concerning developing a wonderful relationship with a real woman.

 

Um I never said it was a 'poor replacement'. I enjoy it quite a lot actually.

 

Why on Earth would the fact that a guy who wanks over porn mean that he doesn't want a relationship? How did you jump to that crazy conclusion?

[Ross MwcFan]

Don't look at porn and jerk off is merely a first step. It's like letting go of the rope that you rely on for comfort and security.

 

If your sexual needs are not being met through a poor replacement, that can help you grow in getting out of your comfort zone and into actually meeting, caring, and loving a wonderful real woman.

 

After you have let go of your rope, the next step of advice is to get out there (not stay on your computer) and go to where women are, and talk with them. Just learn how to communicate with women. Women are diverse, but most women appreciate friendliness, kindness, humor, and friendship. Have fun getting to know women without seeing them as sex objects.

 

Be abstinent for awhile - not pleasing yourself through your poor replacement, and not seeing women as sexual objects. Rather, train your mind to see women as the wonderful humans they are, and learn how to communicate with them in ways that they see that you are a wonderful human being too.

 

While getting to know women as real people, help out in the community. Make a positive difference in the lives of others. Make your community a more beautiful and healthy place.

 

Also, work out your muscles. Train your body as you train your mind. Both require self-control and brain power. For example, if you cannot control your brain, you're not going to be able to endure the pain that building muscles require. You're going to want to give up. Well, get tough. Train both your brain and your body. Focus on the goals you set for yourself. Don't give up.

 

As you let go of your rope, get involved in getting to know women as wonderful human beings, help the community, and train both your brain and your muscles, you will eventually find a woman who admires you, adores you, respects you, thinks you're awesome, and wants to mutually enjoy sex with you.

 

People don't have to give up masturbating and looking at porn to be able to find a partner. Sure, it might help us forever alones with being more proactive, but I can't see it making the difference between being an Incel for life, and being able to get relationships. In fact it may actually hamper a lot of us, because we would be so much more desperate, and women can smell desperation a mile off.

 

To be honest, I personaly cannot see it making me any more proactive. Only sexually frustrated, desperate, miserable, and possibly ending up with prostate problems. It's unatural and unhealthy to go thoughout your life without ever having a sexual release, you're body isn't designed for that, you're basically abusing it.

Edited November 26, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[BetheButterfly]

People don't have to give up masturbating and looking at porn to be able to find a partner. Sure, it might help us forever alones with being more proactive, but I can't see it making the difference between being an Incel for life, and being able to get relationships. In fact it may actually hamper a lot of us, because we would be so much more desperate, and women can smell desperation a mile off.

 

To be honest, I personaly cannot see it making me any more proactive. Only sexually frustrated, desperate, miserable, and possibly ending up with prostate problems. It's unatural and unhealthy to go thought your life without ever having a sexual release, you're body isn't designed for that, you're basically abusing it.

 

Has porn and masturbation helped you so far in building a wonderful relationship with a woman who loves you and who you love?

[Ross MwcFan]

Has porn and masturbation helped you so far in building a wonderful relationship with a woman who loves you and who you love?

 

I'm not sure. It's made me less desperate, less grumpy/miserable, so I guess that may have helped me in at least having a few online relationships.

 

By your response I see you have glossed over pretty much everything I've said.

[BetheButterfly]

I'm not sure. It's made me less desperate, less grumpy/miserable, so I guess that may have helped me in at least having a few online relationships.

 

By your response I see you have glossed over pretty much everything I've said.

 

I am trying to help you. However, if you want to stay in the situation you are in, that is your decision.

[Ross MwcFan]

I am trying to help you.

 

Thanks but no thanks. No offense, but it's hard for me to view you with any credibility if you think masturbation is 'wrong' or 'bad', and that people should never do it, even if they don't have a sex life and may never get a sex life.

 

However, if you want to stay in the situation you are in, that is your decision.

 

What a ridiculous thing to say.

[man_in_the_box]

I am glad that you care enough for her and her feelings to give up porn for her. That is awesome.

 

Thank you, that is very kind. Just to clearify something: I've found myself a lot less lured by porn from the moment my girlfriend stopped being resentful and uncooperative about the issue. Were currently trying to work on a solution that will work out for both of us in the long run. And till that moment comes I'll stay off it as that gives my gf much more space to consider her own feelings about the issue. I'm definitely not perfect but at least I'm trying.

 

But just to get some general things out of the way:

 

Also, work out your muscles. Train your body as you train your mind. Both require self-control and brain power. For example, if you cannot control your brain, you're not going to be able to endure the pain that building muscles require. You're going to want to give up. Well, get tough. Train both your brain and your body. Focus on the goals you set for yourself. Don't give up.

 

I think you're overanalyzing this issue. Were not dealing with porn addicts that spend the entire day in their basement jerking it to Debbie does Dallas or whatever the hell is popular nowadays. It's more like any other form of harmless procastrination like gaming, music, going out with friends, movies whatever. If porn/masturbation are going to inhibit their ability to work out/socialize then why are we not debating whether any other activity that isn't actively increasing their chances to end up in a succesful relationship is detrimental for their cause? I know that porn can be addictive and particularly destructive for certain people but I've never knew nor experienced not being able to work out or do other progressive activities while using porn and/or masturbation. And I suppose this applies to the majority of men as I assume most of them do watch porn and most of them do sooner or later get into relationships.

 

You can do all of the good and beautiful things you've described in your response - irrelevant of whether you do or do not use porn or masturbation. Sure it's not going to help, but it's not going to set you back either.

 

and possibly ending up with prostate problems.

 

I'm not sure how frequent releases have to be but I thought that the body automatically takes care by having nocturnal emissions (so actually you're still getting a sexual release whether you stop masturbating or not). Just to get that out of the way - not that I would advise anyone to stop masturbating unless they have some inherit desire to stop doing it.

[BetheButterfly]

Thank you, that is very kind. Just to clearify something: I've found myself a lot less lured by porn from the moment my girlfriend stopped being resentful and uncooperative about the issue. Were currently trying to work on a solution that will work out for both of us in the long run. And till that moment comes I'll stay off it as that gives my gf much more space to consider her own feelings about the issue. I'm definitely not perfect but at least I'm trying.

 

Your love and care for her is what is important here. Respecting how she feels really helps. I'm sure that her not being so "resentful and uncooperative" helps you feel respected and accepted by her, yes?

 

There are some women who have no problem with porn/masturbation. However, many women consider porn to be competition that they can't compete with, which greatly hurts her feelings of closeness/connection with the man she loves.

 

 

 

 

But just to get some general things out of the way:

I think you're overanalyzing this issue. Were not dealing with porn addicts that spend the entire day in their basement jerking it to Debbie does Dallas or whatever the hell is popular nowadays. It's more like any other form of harmless procastrination like gaming, music, going out with friends, movies whatever. If porn/masturbation are going to inhibit their ability to work out/socialize then why are we not debating whether any other activity that isn't actively increasing their chances to end up in a succesful relationship is detrimental for their cause? I know that porn can be addictive and particularly destructive for certain people but I've never knew nor experienced not being able to work out or do other progressive activities while using porn and/or masturbation. And I suppose this applies to the majority of men as I assume most of them do watch porn and most of them do sooner or later get into relationships.

For people who lean on porn and masturbation instead of actively taking the time to improve themselves, then that porn/masturbation is detrimental to their desire to have a meaningful sexual relationship with a woman.

 

You can do all of the good and beautiful things you've described in your response - irrelevant of whether you do or do not use porn or masturbation. Sure it's not going to help, but it's not going to set you back either.

Why does your girlfriend have an issue with you using porn?

[somedude81]

Don't look at porn and jerk off is merely a first step. It's like letting go of the rope that you rely on for comfort and security.

 

If your sexual needs are not being met through a poor replacement, that can help you grow in getting out of your comfort zone and into actually meeting, caring, and loving a wonderful real woman.

 

After you have let go of your rope, the next step of advice is to get out there (not stay on your computer) and go to where women are, and talk with them. Just learn how to communicate with women. Women are diverse, but most women appreciate friendliness, kindness, humor, and friendship.

I know you have good intentions, but you're misguided.

 

Looking at porn doesn't have any affect on ones ability to do what you just said. A man can masturbate to porn in the morning, then go out after lunch and socialize with women.

 

Have fun getting to know women without seeing them as sex objects.

 

Be abstinent for awhile - not pleasing yourself through your poor replacement, and not seeing women as sexual objects. Rather, train your mind to see women as the wonderful humans they are, and learn how to communicate with them in ways that they see that you are a wonderful human being too.

That is where you are the most mistaken. Without the desire to have sex with a woman, why would the man take time getting to know one? To make a new friend?

 

No, my issue is that I don't see women as sex objects. By doing that, I don't communicate to women I'm interested in that I want to have sex with them, and they never see me as anything more than a friend. Women count on men to make the first move, and when a man is afraid to make that move, or hide his desire, nothing will ever happen.

[BetheButterfly]

I know you have good intentions, but you're misguided.

 

Thanks for understanding that I'm trying to help.

Looking at porn doesn't have any affect on ones ability to do what you just said. A man can masturbate to porn in the morning, then go out after lunch and socialize with women.

True, but for some women, if they knew he was masturbating to porn and planning on continuing to do so even while having a sexual relationship with her, some women would decline even the socialization with that man. I am one such woman.

 

Porn objectifies women into being sexual objects, not women who deserve love and consideration.

 

 

That is where you are the most mistaken. Without the desire to have sex with a woman, why would the man take time getting to know one? To make a new friend?

I think this question raises some serious questions. What do you think women are? Are women merely objects to have sex with? Are they not the powerful beings who bring little humans into this world? Are they not the best friends and partners of many men? Women are way more than just someone to have sex with; they are human beings equal to men and worthy of friendship, partnership, and more than sex.

 

No, my issue is that I don't see women as sex objects. By doing that, I don't communicate to women I'm interested in that I want to have sex with them, and they never see me as anything more than a friend. Women count on men to make the first move, and when a man is afraid to make that move, or hide his desire, nothing will ever happen.

Not all women count on men to make the first move. However, it would be good for you look at what you want in life. Do you want to merely have sex with a woman, or do you want a real and long term relationship with a woman who you can count as your good or best friend, who you share all of life together, including sex?

[man_in_the_box]

Your love and care for her is what is important here. Respecting how she feels really helps. I'm sure that her not being so "resentful and uncooperative" helps you feel respected and accepted by her, yes?

 

Naturally yes, I no longer had to hide the issue nor feel bad about it and that gave me the ability to put it in its proper perspective.

 

There are some women who have no problem with porn/masturbation. However, many women consider porn to be competition that they can't compete with, which greatly hurts her feelings of closeness/connection with the man she loves.

 

Why does your girlfriend have an issue with you using porn?

 

I'm not entirely sure - I doubt she even understands herself. I suppose it lingers somewhere between insecurity and jealousy of getting off on another woman. However she doesn't have a problem with masturbation and the fact that I think of other women besides her while doing that. Would be rather hypocritical as she does that herself as well. For some reason porn goes too far. But I respect that she has an issue with it, and I'm patient enough to wait till we can find a resolution that works for both of us.

 

 

For people who lean on porn and masturbation instead of actively taking the time to improve themselves, then that porn/masturbation is detrimental to their desire to have a meaningful sexual relationship with a woman.

 

Yes, but do we have any idea that the people in this thread use so much porn/masturbation that it's impairing their life? I haven't seen any such indication tbh and it seems a bit odd to jump to the conclusion that they're porn addicts and/or compulsive masturbators.

Edited November 26, 2012 by man_in_the_box

[skydiveaddict]

Yes, but do we have any idea that the people in this thread use so much porn/masturbation that it's impairing their life?

 

The title of the thread is "Ending My Porn Addiction."

 

I am fairly sure that the OP is concerned that porn may be impairing his life.

Edited November 27, 2012 by skydiveaddict

[ThaWholigan]

The title of the thread is "Ending My Porn Addiction."

 

I am fairly sure that the OP is concerned that porn may be impairing his life.

He was probably referring to the two other gentlemen in this thread who do not have GFs and are struggling in this department, and to satiate their ever-growing sexual frustration turn to the occasional porn/masturbation as a result.

[Ross MwcFan]

Obviously you have no idea how to talk to a woman. Enjoy your poor replacement.

 

Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean that I don't know how to talk to a woman.

 

And no offense, I actually assumed you were a man for some reason.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm not sure how frequent releases have to be but I thought that the body automatically takes care by having nocturnal emissions (so actually you're still getting a sexual release whether you stop masturbating or not). Just to get that out of the way - not that I would advise anyone to stop masturbating unless they have some inherit desire to stop doing it.

 

Sure that does happen, people will have wet dreams, but they don't happen frequently enough.

[Ross MwcFan]

All women are princesses. Sadly, some don't know it because they're treated like scum and haven't learned how to act like a princess, but really, all women are princesses.

 

All men are princes, but sadly, some don't know it and don't act like it. They haven't learned how to be knights in shining armor for who knows what reasons. However, my husband knows he's the Prince of my heart, and my knight in shining armor!!!

 

That's you living in fantasy land.

 

People are people, some are good, some are bad.

[Ross MwcFan]

For people who lean on porn and masturbation instead of actively taking the time to improve themselves, then that porn/masturbation is detrimental to their desire to have a meaningful sexual relationship with a woman.

 

Have any of the people including myself said that we lean on porn and masturbation instead of improving ourselves? I don't think they have, I know I haven't.

 

I'm trying to improve myself. Stopping porn and masturbation wouldn't make me spend any more time on trying to improve myself, instead it would actualy set me back as I'd feel more depressed, and feel horny all the time and find it hard to concentrate, and I would have a lower morale.

 

If guys should stop masturbating then you should stop having sex.

 

No? I didn't think so.

 

Having sex is hundreds of notches up from masturbating, you're also involving another person in the activity as well *shock horror*.

 

If masturbation is wrong, then sex is even more wrong.

 

Seriously, it's like a heavy heroin user who shoots up all the time telling someone that they should quit snorting lines on the rare occasion, but the fact that they themselves shoot up, that they're addicted totally fine.

[BetheButterfly]

No it's not. You can do way better than that. Believe in yourself man.

 

Agreed. Confidence is a key.

[man_in_the_box]

The title of the thread is "Ending My Porn Addiction."

 

I am fairly sure that the OP is concerned that porn may be impairing his life.

 

Someone else already pointed it out but I wasn't refering to the OP. If he wants to stop masturbating and/or looking at porn then who am I to tell him he shouldn't? What I was refering to was convincing people that have seemingly no problem with these aspects of sexuality to drop them to increase their changes of getting into a relationship more succesfully. By putting so much focus on porn/mb you're neglecting all the other aspects of a specific situation that might inhibit a persons succes on the dating market. It's not doing anyone a favor.

[BetheButterfly]

Someone else already pointed it out but I wasn't refering to the OP. If he wants to stop masturbating and/or looking at porn then who am I to tell him he shouldn't? What I was refering to was convincing people that have seemingly no problem with these aspects of sexuality to drop them to increase their changes of getting into a relationship more succesfully. By putting so much focus on porn/mb you're neglecting all the other aspects of a specific situation that might inhibit a persons succes on the dating market. It's not doing anyone a favor.

 

Skydiveaddict actually referred to confidence in another post, which is an important trait in having a relationship.

 

He doesn't just focus on porn/masturbation addiction, since "believing in yourself" can cover all areas, not just stopping addiction to porn/masturbation.

[man_in_the_box]

Sorry I don't follow you, I mean the OP has the desire to quit porn/mb then by all means he should. Wasn't SkyDiveAddict the same poster that insinuated that I raped my girlfriend because I sometimes masturbate 2 pages back?

[BetheButterfly]

Sorry I don't follow you, I mean the OP has the desire to quit porn/mb then by all means he should. Wasn't SkyDiveAddict the same poster that insinuated that I raped my girlfriend because I sometimes masturbate 2 pages back?

 

I don't know. ?

[man_in_the_box]

I do think lack of confidence as a major contribution to the lack of success on getting a girlfriend for men. But it requires a person that already lack succes in that area to detach temporary from it in order to regain their confidence. If you keep failing to get into a relationship due to a lack of confidence then it easily becomes a viscious circle.