Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 My husband gets sexual release when I do... we both enjoy sexual release together. Anything good takes time; it takes patience; it takes self-control. That's one thing I'm learning about dieting and working out. The results are beautiful. However, if I just gave in to every desire I had, I would weigh an awful lot more. Masturbation and porn is a substitute for the real thing. If you want to enjoy a substitute instead of real, living, breathing sex with a woman you love who loves you, that's your decision. Enjoy watching others do it (using a lot of acting) while you jerk yourself off. Just remember: it doesn't teach you how to truly love or be loved. I don't need to be taught how to truely love, I don't think most people do. You're right, wanking and porn is a substitute for the real thing, that doesn't make it bad though. It's certainly a godsend for Incels like myself. I'd rather have the real thing, but then I ask myself, do I really want the other stuff that comes along with it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I don't need to be taught how to truely love, I don't think most people do. You're right, wanking and porn is a substitute for the real thing, that doesn't make it bad though. It's certainly a godsend for Incels like myself. I'd rather have the real thing, but then I ask myself, do I really want the other stuff that comes along with it? Have you ever truly loved a woman and she truly loved you? It is something we learn. My husband and I are learning and will continue. True love is "alive", and learning how to keep it alive is a lifelong lesson, unless it's killed by bitterness, anger, unfaithfulness, lack of communication, and/or other reasons poisoning it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Have you ever truly loved a woman and she truly loved you? It is something we learn. My husband and I are learning and will continue. True love is "alive", and learning how to keep it alive is a lifelong lesson, unless it's killed by bitterness, anger, unfaithfulness, lack of communication, and/or other reasons poisoning it... I take it you mean romantic love? If so, I've truely loved women before, but I've never been truely loved back. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I take it you mean romantic love? If so, I've truely loved women before, but I've never been truely loved back. I mean love that's more than romance and sex, love that is stronger than family love and stronger than friendship love, love that makes two people "one." I very much hope that someday you will experience this kind of love with a woman who loves you back that way too. It's an awesome experience, but it does have to be learned, because there's so much that can kill love. Love is like a spiritual plant, you could say. Love needs to be watered, nurtured, and protected from the "bugs" and the harsh elements and disasters that can kill it. Sad to say, many people have experienced love but the love has died because it hasn't been protected and fed. Just like learning how to grow healthy and strong plants is a learning process for many, so learning how love blossoms and how to protect it and make it grow is also a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Butterfly, both Ross and I have never had a girlfriend and we are also in our 30's. And it's not for a lack of trying. It's kind of hard to experience a loving relationship when you've always been single. For me, the porn and masturbation is a poor replacement for having a real woman but it's the best I can get. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Butterfly, both Ross and I have never had a girlfriend and we are also in our 30's. And it's not for a lack of trying. It's kind of hard to experience a loving relationship when you've always been single. For me, the porn and masturbation is a poor replacement for having a real woman but it's the best I can get. What are the obstacles you experience toward having a girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Butterfly, both Ross and I have never had a girlfriend and we are also in our 30's. And it's not for a lack of trying. It's kind of hard to experience a loving relationship when you've always been single. For me, the porn and masturbation is a poor replacement for having a real woman but it's the best I can get. Your recent threads imply that while you may really want a relationship, you lack the desire to truly change something about yourself and get closer to that goal. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 What are the obstacles you experience toward having a girlfriend? Way too long of a story to get into this thread. But trust me, if I could have a girlfriend and be in a loving relationship, I'd cut out all porn and masturbation from my life. Though until that day comes, porn helps to ease the edge. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Way too long of a story to get into this thread. But trust me, if I could have a girlfriend and be in a loving relationship, I'd cut out all porn and masturbation from my life. Though until that day comes, porn helps to ease the edge. While I understand that, I don't see how porn helps you accomplish the goal of having a girlfriend who loves you and who you love in a long-term relationship. To me, it seems like porn/masturbation seems like the rope that made Batman keep falling. (My hubby and I watched Batman, the Dark Knight Rises last night.) The following is very interesting: (I boldened some.) LAHWF | Losing All Rope Was Freedom "When Wayne climbs without the rope, he sheds all hope in a life without freedom. Whereas his choices beforehand were threefold (freedom, imprisonment, or eventual death), choosing to climb without the rope simplifies his choices to two: life or death." Personally, I see porn and masturbation to be a rope for some guys... I like many of the Andrew Hales' 15 goals and hope he accomplishes those that I like lol. (Guess which ones i like) LAHWF | 15 life goals (And yes, I see the irony in how me hoping he accomplishes his goals crashes with "losing all hope was freedom.") I have to go now, but hopefully next week we can talk more about this, because I do think it would be awesome if you and a wonderful lady experience mutual true love and Ross and another wonderful lady do so as well. I very much hope too that this love does not die but grows and flourishes. Yeah I agree that porn and masturbation is a poor replacement. It's awesome when two people love each other and commit to sexually satisfying each other without the need for any replacements. True love + mutual sexual release takes work, time, and selflessness, but it's worth it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 While I understand that, I don't see how porn helps you accomplish the goal of having a girlfriend who loves you and who you love in a long-term relationship. To me, it seems like porn/masturbation seems like the rope that made Batman keep falling. (My hubby and I watched Batman, the Dark Knight Rises last night.) The following is very interesting: (I boldened some.) LAHWF | Losing All Rope Was Freedom "When Wayne climbs without the rope, he sheds all hope in a life without freedom. Whereas his choices beforehand were threefold (freedom, imprisonment, or eventual death), choosing to climb without the rope simplifies his choices to two: life or death." Personally, I see porn and masturbation to be a rope for some guys... I like many of the Andrew Hales' 15 goals and hope he accomplishes those that I like lol. (Guess which ones i like) LAHWF | 15 life goals (And yes, I see the irony in how me hoping he accomplishes his goals crashes with "losing all hope was freedom.") I have to go now, but hopefully next week we can talk more about this, because I do think it would be awesome if you and a wonderful lady experience mutual true love and Ross and another wonderful lady do so as well. I very much hope too that this love does not die but grows and flourishes. Yeah I agree that porn and masturbation is a poor replacement. It's awesome when two people love each other and commit to sexually satisfying each other without the need for any replacements. True love + mutual sexual release takes work, time, and selflessness, but it's worth it!!! You don't need to quit porn and masturbation to find someone. In fact I think they actually help, since you're not going to feel as desperate, and desperation turns women off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 While I understand that, I don't see how porn helps you accomplish the goal of having a girlfriend who loves you and who you love in a long-term relationship. To me, it seems like porn/masturbation seems like the rope that made Batman keep falling. (My hubby and I watched Batman, the Dark Knight Rises last night.) It's definitely not hurting anything. I can't think of any negative affect on me that is caused by porn or masturbation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 It's definitely not hurting anything. I can't think of any negative affect on me that is caused by porn or masturbation. Same here, I find it to be a really healthy positive thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nyc12 Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 It's definitely not hurting anything. I can't think of any negative affect on me that is caused by porn or masturbation. I can't think of any positive effect porn can have. at the very least it ends up just being a time killer. i also think it does desensitize. try not looking at porn for 30 days and see how you feel. i dont think most people (who use it regularly, 5+ times a week) have the will power to not look at it for 30 days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 (edited) I can't think of any positive effect porn can have. at the very least it ends up just being a time killer. i also think it does desensitize. try not looking at porn for 30 days and see how you feel. i dont think most people (who use it regularly, 5+ times a week) have the will power to not look at it for 30 days. But why would they not want to look at it for 30 days? Whether they have the will power or not depends on what the motivating factor is for them to not look at porn. For me it's more than a time killer as it's the closest I can ever get to doing anything sexual with a woman, it's the only way I can sexually connect with women, it stops me from feeling so sexually frustrated and therefore miserable, it almost completely fullfills the desire to do something sexual with a woman and to see a woman naked, which are natural healthy desires, it stops me from feeling so desperate for a woman (which would put women off). I've been for more than 30 days without porn, in fact I went for years without it, it was before I had access to porn, and I felt very sexually frustrated and miserable, as I wasn't able to get a woman either back then. I'm a human being, not some cold robot. Edited November 23, 2012 by Ross MwcFan Link to post Share on other sites
Charmy Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I wish you the best of luck, I dated a guy who had been watching porn for 3 years and is now impotent, he had a massive shot to the ego when he tried making love to me, he was furious, I found an article on the subject and passed it on to him....He couldn't believe how porn damages! Anyway, good luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I can't think of any positive effect porn can have. at the very least it ends up just being a time killer. i also think it does desensitize. try not looking at porn for 30 days and see how you feel. i dont think most people (who use it regularly, 5+ times a week) have the will power to not look at it for 30 days. The main benefit to having porn is that it lets me masturbate without having to think of a fantasy/scenario. When I do fantasize, I tend to think of real girls I know and I really don't want to jerk off to girls I see in my daily life that I'm not even close to sleeping with. I'm not desensitized at all, and am still very turned on by real women. I wish you the best of luck, I dated a guy who had been watching porn for 3 years and is now impotent, he had a massive shot to the ego when he tried making love to me, he was furious, I found an article on the subject and passed it on to him....He couldn't believe how porn damages! Anyway, good luck to you! LOL! Are you saying taht looking at porn causes impotence?! That's one of the most goofiest things I have heard in my life. I've been jerking off to porn since I was 14 years old and now at 31 I still have rock hard erections and can get excited just thinking about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 For me, the porn and masturbation is a poor replacement for having a real woman but it's the best I can get. No it's not. You can do way better than that. Believe in yourself man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 LOL! Are you saying taht looking at porn causes impotence?! That's one of the most goofiest things I have heard in my life. It can. Google "porn induced ED." It happened to my H, who used to think the idea was one of the goofiest things he had heard in his life. Go figure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 (edited) anyway, porn has turned into this guilt thing for me now. it didnt used to be, but now that i've made an effort to avoid it, every time i give it i get guilty, like i failed. It's 'cause you're using self-discipline now. The body always hates that. Just like sweating out that last push-up. Your body says "no, that's enough," but you make yourself do it regardless; and afterward you feel a sense of achievement. The guilt you experience is really success. It's a product of your desire to become a better man. Edited November 24, 2012 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Many men who can control their bodies also figure out that they can control their brains as well. Also, some of them put their sexual energy into other outlets such as their careers and in meeting the lady they want to spend the rest of their lives with. That is the experience of my husband. If that works for your husband then more power to him. Luckily for me I can spend time on my career, my girlfriend and hit the spankbank once in a while. How blessed I am right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) If that works for your husband then more power to him. Luckily for me I can spend time on my career, my girlfriend and hit the spankbank once in a while. How blessed I am right? I'm betting most women would be offended by becoming second on your priority list behind the "spankbank", simply because she is not there when you cannot control yourself. Edited November 25, 2012 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I never mentioned any priority. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I never mentioned any priority. Yes you did. You implied the "spankbank" was there for you when your woman wasn't around. So your first priority is obviously to satisfy yourself first, without any self-control, regardless of how this might make your girl feel. Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Satisfying myself without self-control using my girlfriend? That sounds rather rapist and I can assure that's nothing like our sex life dynamics. But whatever. If I know I'm not going to get it for a while then I am going to rub one out. For the record my gf does that too and is fine with it. And regarding her feelings,.I do care. She disliked porn so I've given that up to show that I do care about her feelings. But I think its wrong to use insecurity as an excuse to tell your partner what they can and can't do all the time. There has to be some healthy balance. And for.me that one lies.with spanking the.monkey once a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Satisfying myself without self-control using my girlfriend? That sounds rather rapist and I can assure that's nothing like our sex life dynamics. But whatever. If I know I'm not going to get it for a while then I am going to rub one out. For the record my gf does that too and is fine with it. And regarding her feelings,.I do care. She disliked porn so I've given that up to show that I do care about her feelings. But I think its wrong to use insecurity as an excuse to tell your partner what they can and can't do all the time. There has to be some healthy balance. And for.me that one lies.with spanking the.monkey once a while. I am glad that you care enough for her and her feelings to give up porn for her. That is awesome. To Ross and Somedude, if you're happy with the "poor replacement" then I assume you won't listen to my advice concerning developing a wonderful relationship with a real woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts