Ending my porn addiction

[BetheButterfly]

Naturally yes, I no longer had to hide the issue nor feel bad about it and that gave me the ability to put it in its proper perspective.

 

I think the reason why she is trying to not make you feel bad about it is because she truly wants you in her life.

 

I'm not entirely sure - I doubt she even understands herself. I suppose it lingers somewhere between insecurity and jealousy of getting off on another woman.

Have you ever asked her? It'd be interesting to know her answer.

 

However she doesn't have a problem with masturbation and the fact that I think of other women besides her while doing that. Would be rather hypocritical as she does that herself as well.

Why don't you think of her to masturbate?

 

For some reason porn goes too far. But I respect that she has an issue with it, and I'm patient enough to wait till we can find a resolution that works for both of us.

I am so glad that you respect her feelings about it and I hope you and her find common ground and your love for each other grows.

 

 

 

Yes, but do we have any idea that the people in this thread use so much porn/masturbation that it's impairing their life? I haven't seen any such indication tbh and it seems a bit odd to jump to the conclusion that they're porn addicts and/or compulsive masturbators.

From what I've noticed, some guys get so comfortable in having "relationships" lol with porn and their own hand that they don't try so hard to figure out how to talk to and have a quality relationship with a woman. It's quite sad actually. The following is very interesting. I boldened some of the article:

 

"Published on July 11, 2011 by Marnia Robinson in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

A growing number of young, healthy Internet pornography users are complaining of delayed ejaculation, inability to be turned on by real partners, and sluggish erections.Lots of guys, 20s or so, can't get it up anymore with a real girl, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit. Guys will never openly discuss this with friends or co-workers, for fear of getting laughed out of town. But when someone tells their story on a health forum, and there are 50-100 replies from other guys who struggle with the same thing. This is for real.

 

Threads relating to this issue are springing up all over the Web on bodybuilding, medical help, and pick-up artist forums, in at least twenty countries. Notice from one such forum:

Due to the overwhelming emails and requests we have received concerning pornography addiction and erectile dysfunction, we decided to create an entirely different thread. ED due to porn is becoming rapidly common, especially for young men.

Desperate young men from various cultures, with different levels of education, religiosity, attitudes, values, diets, marijuana use, and personalities are seeking help. They have only two things in common: heavy use of today's Internet porn and increasing need for more extreme material.

Many have previously been to doctors, undergone various tests, and been declared "just fine" physically. Neither they nor their health care providers considered excessive porn use as a potential cause of their continued performance problems. Most were assured that "masturbation cannot cause erectile dysfunction." (Probably true, but unfortunately Internet porn use can.) The final diagnosis was generally "performance anxiety." Desperate, many also looked online. See this 900-post thread and this 300-post one.

Is anxiety really the cause? Here's a simple test: Try to masturbate (alone) using no porn and no fantasy—only sensual touch. Use the same speed and pressure as you would during intercourse. How erect is your penis without porn? If your penis is not fully erect, or it takes effort to become erect, then the chances are that anxiety is not the source of your problems. Persistent performance problems can certainly lead to anxiety, however. As one man said after he recovered following three months without masturbation or porn,

It's hard to tell where addiction ends and anxiety begins. I think a combination of the two is involved in a lot of situations.

Not long ago, Italian urologists confirmed an erectile dysfunction-porn use connection via a large survey. When interviewed about the survey, urologist Carlo Foresta (head of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine and professor at the University of Padua) mentioned that 70 percent of the young men his clinic treated for sexual performance problems had been using Internet pornography heavily. (Foresta has now apparently conducted a study.)

The Italians are not alone. Other medical profesionals are beginning treat young healthy men who have developed porn-induced sexual dysfunction:

 

• Middlebury College physician sees rise in ED - blames porn
  
• Does Porn Contribute to ED?
  
• Study exposes secret world of porn addiction
  
• Sexual dysfunction: The escalating price of abusing porn
  

For those affected, recovery appears to take 6-12 weeks, and rests primarily on one factor: avoiding the extreme stimulation of Internet erotica. (Many also avoid masturbation for a time, either because at first they cannot masturbate without porn fantasy, or because climax triggers binging.)

Among those who recover, progression is surprisingly similar. Men typically report that after a few days of intense sexual cravings, their libido plummets and their penis seems "lifeless," "shrunken," or "cold." These "flatline" symptoms typically continue for up to six weeks on average, dependent upon age and intensity of porn use.

Gradually, morning erections return, followed by libido and, perhaps, occasional spontaneous erections. Finally, there is complete recovery of erectile health, sexual desire for real partners, sex becomes extremely pleasurable, and condom use is no longer problematic.

 

• I am a 25-year old male, masturbating a lot from 13 and using porn from 14. Gradually, it took more to turn me on: bigger fantasies or harder porn, and I stopped getting hard without touching. During sex I would struggle to get an erection or keep it, especially for intercourse. Over the past 7 years I haven't held down a relationship, and the main reason for me has been this problem. Now the good news: When I realized the cause, I immediately gave up porn. Over the last 6 weeks I held off masturbating as much as I possibly could. (My best record was 9 days!) It all paid off. I just went away with a girl for the weekend and it was the best ever. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. I still get pretty anxious from all the bad experiences over the years. But I just wanted to tell you all it can work, and it's well worth it!
  
• Week 12, age 36 - I'm actually totally impressed how HUGE I get. It has been kinda hard to ignore. I mean, my erections are ROCK HARD and ENORMOUS. I remember asking other guys who went before me about when they noticed the return of their full erections. Well, I think I got mine back.
  

How can porn cause sexual performance trouble?

The cause appears to be physiological, not psychological, given that such diverse men change only one variable (porn use), yet report a similar recovery pattern. For these men, anxiety is secondary.

Recent behavioral addiction research suggests that the loss of libido and performance occur because heavy users are numbing their brain's normal response to pleasure. Years of overriding the natural limits of libido with intense stimulation desensitize the user's response to a neurochemical called dopamine.

Dopamine is behind motivation, "wanting" and all addictions. It drives the search for rewards. We get little spurts of it every time we bump into anything potentially rewarding, novel, surprising, or even anxiety-producing."

 

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201107/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction-growing-problem

 

 

The following is another interesting article, about how many women view porn: Porn & Relationships: Men's Pornography Use Tied To Lower Self-Esteem In Female Partners

[Ross MwcFan]

BBC NEWS | Health | Masturbation 'cuts cancer risk'

 

Credit goes to mint sauce.

[AlexDP]

BBC NEWS | Health | Masturbation 'cuts cancer risk'

 

Credit goes to mint sauce.

 

I haven't read the actual study, but one thing that comes to mind is that men who ejaculate five times a week have a high sex drive. A high sex drive might mean they have a high natural testosterone production. This testosterone production might also make them less susceptible to prostate cancer.

 

I don't think masturbating is bad anyway though.

[man_in_the_box]

Thanks for the response - I'll see if I can get a reply in later. But now I will celebrate the fact that me and her have been together 4 years. Have a good day.

[BetheButterfly]

Thanks for the response - I'll see if I can get a reply in later. But now I will celebrate the fact that me and her have been together 4 years. Have a good day.

 

Congratulations on being together for 4 years!!! Enjoy and have an awesome day with your Love!

[ThaWholigan]

I feel you're picking on Ross a little bit. It's clearly obvious why he watches porn/masturbates, and that is because he struggles with anxiety and depression, causing him to find it extremely difficult to find female companionship. I don't think it's fair to immediately assume that he isn't trying to overcome this, even though I have my own opinions about that.

 

The problem is, if he isn't getting laid or finding a woman to be with and finding it difficult to do so, but on the other side, he has no sexual release from masturbation or possibly porn, it is going to make for an extremely sexually frustrated and miserable individual.

 

I myself have abstained many times from masturbation and pornography at various times, but occasionally I still need to release from time to time otherwise, yes I would be an irritable individual. I'm currently engaging in sex at the moment so I have no need to do so. Ross + a few others do not have that luxury unfortunately and are struggling. I think they should focus on pushing themselves out of their comfort zones, but I feel that they benefit from a small dose of sexual release that masturbation, and yes sometimes porn, to relieve them otherwise things would probably be more difficult for them than they are now.

 

So I don't think it's fair to chastise him for it.

[BetheButterfly]

I feel you're picking on Ross a little bit.

 

ThaWholigan,

 

Ross, as far as I know, is not experienced with having girlfriends. I, however, am a woman who has experience with having boyfriends, as well as having a wonderful husband. (I don't have boyfriends anymore, seeing as I married my last boyfriend.) I gave him advice. If you and Ross think I'm picking on him for giving him advice, I won't give him any more advice. Simple. This kind of childish behavior of whining, "She's picking on me." is not appealing in men anyways.

 

Not only does he not like my advice, he also insults me by saying he didn't know I was a woman. Any wise person on this forum, as well as those who know me personally, know I'm a woman, and very proud of being a woman. So, I could say he's picking on me, but I'm not that childish.

It's clearly obvious why he watches porn/masturbates,

Aye.

 

and that is because he struggles with anxiety and depression,

So you are saying that he watches porn and masturbates because he struggles with anxiety and depression? So, basically porn/masturbation is his medicine to help his anxiety and depression? Right....

 

causing him to find it extremely difficult to find female companionship.

Thawoligan, I am a woman who offered him advice in order to find female companionship. Now, granted I don't speak for all women. However, I do know that many women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation. Also, porn/masturbation does not help a man know how to talk to a real woman and have a meaningful relationship with her. It merely feeds his lust and gives him a temporary high.

 

I don't think it's fair to immediately assume that he isn't trying to overcome this, even though I have my own opinions about that.

 

The problem is, if he isn't getting laid or finding a woman to be with and finding it difficult to do so, but on the other side, he has no sexual release from masturbation or possibly porn, it is going to make for an extremely sexually frustrated and miserable individual.

That shows that there is something the matter with that individual. People are sexual yes, but they are so much more than sexual too. That's one reason why I'm attracted to men who are involved in sports that require a great deal of self-discipline... they know that life is more than sex. I love sex, and I also love all of life. If a person thinks they need porn/masturbation to be happy, to me that person has never truly lived.

 

I myself have abstained many times from masturbation and pornography at various times, but occasionally I still need to release from time to time otherwise, yes I would be an irritable individual.

It sounds like addiction, if you think that without porn/masturbation, you'd be an "irritable individual." That sounds like my coffee addiction lol and also like an alcoholic/druggies addiction - they all think that without their fix, they'd be miserable.

 

I'm currently engaging in sex at the moment so I have no need to do so. Ross + a few others do not have that luxury unfortunately and are struggling. I think they should focus on pushing themselves out of their comfort zones, but I feel that they benefit from a small dose of sexual release that masturbation, and yes sometimes porn, to relieve them otherwise things would probably be more difficult for them than they are now.

I disagree. I think that if they let go of their crutch and actually start working their muscles, they will learn how to love another human being who is female and enjoy amazing sex plus companionship with her. However, people are free do disagree and if he does not want to take my advice, that's fine. Good luck to him. However, since I have had no problem in dating and am happily married, some people might learn and benefit from my experience and viewpoint. As it is, I'm impressed with man-in-the-box because I see that he cares to consider a female perspective concerning man's addiction to porn/masturbation. Again, not all women think the same, but many women do have issues with porn/masturabation, strip clubs, their loved one going to prostitutes, and cheating.

 

So I don't think it's fair to chastise him for it.

Ross, as far as I know, is not a little kid. I'm not "chastising" him. However, I won't offer him any more advice, seeing as he does not care enough to even consider it. Chao. Edited November 28, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[BetheButterfly]

The title of the thread is "Ending My Porn Addiction."

 

I am fairly sure that the OP is concerned that porn may be impairing his life.

 

Skydiveaddict,

 

I just want to let you know that although we have differences in opinion and also I have gotten mad at you before, I do very much respect your consideration for how many women view the issues of porn/masturbation addiction and for caring for that. Also, if I were single, I would be very attracted to a man like you. Skydiving, by the way, is very sexy and cool. Also, a man having self-control in order to enjoy sex with the woman he loves is so much sexier to me than a man who wanks off watching porn.

 

Thank God, I married a man who is a risk-taker (like a skydiver, though he hasn't done that yet... he wants to learn and then teach me/do it with me for my first time ) and has the self-control to wait -not resort to porn/masturbation- in order to enjoy wild, passionate lovemaking with me.

Edited November 28, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[ThaWholigan]

ThaWholigan,

 

Ross, as far as I know, is not experienced with having girlfriends. I, however, am a woman who has experience with having boyfriends, as well as having a wonderful husband. (I don't have boyfriends anymore, seeing as I married my last boyfriend.) I gave him advice. If you and Ross think I'm picking on him for giving him advice, I won't give him any more advice. Simple. This kind of childish behavior of whining, "She's picking on me." is not appealing in men anyways.

 

Not only does he not like my advice, he also insults me by saying he didn't know I was a woman. Any wise person on this forum, as well as those who know me personally, know I'm a woman, and very proud of being a woman. So, I could say he's picking on me, but I'm not that childish.

Aye.

 

 

 

So you are saying that he watches porn and masturbates because he struggles with anxiety and depression? So, basically porn/masturbation is his medicine to help his anxiety and depression? Right....

 

I didn't say it was his medicine. It probably doesn't help him with those things. What it does is provide a sexual release that satiates him. He obviously has problems dealing with it alongside the anxiety/depression that disables him from actually engaging romantically with a woman. As I do not have anxiety and depression, I have found it easier to deal with lack of sexual release and I currently do not masturbate to porn.

Thawoligan, I am a woman who offered him advice in order to find female companionship. Now, granted I don't speak for all women. However, I do know that many women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation. Also, porn/masturbation does not help a man know how to talk to a real woman and have a meaningful relationship with her. It merely feeds his lust and gives him a temporary high.

 

I do know that some women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation. But if a man is currently garnering no romantic interest even though he is trying, what is he to do. Stew in his own juices?

 

That shows that there is something the matter with that individual. People are sexual yes, but they are so much more than sexual too. That's one reason why I'm attracted to men who are involved in sports that require a great deal of self-discipline... they know that life is more than sex. I love sex, and I also love all of life. If a person thinks they need porn/masturbation to be happy, to me that person has never truly lived.

 

I agree to an extent. I don't need porn to be happy, and I have gone without it for very long periods. But I think your attitude concerning this is a little condescending even though you mean well. You obviously don't really understand how some of these guys struggle even when they are improving themselves and their self-discipline to get girls sometimes. It's a big step for some of them. To tell them that they haven't truly lived because they masturbate once in a while is rubbing the salt into their wounds in my opinion.

 

It sounds like addiction, if you think that without porn/masturbation, you'd be an "irritable individual." That sounds like my coffee addiction lol and also like an alcoholic/druggies addiction - they all think that without their fix, they'd be miserable.

 

I don't think I'd be miserable. I would just be......well, a complete horndog most of the time . I was like that whenever I didn't masturbate or watch porn, currently I don't do either but that is because I'm actually having sex. Sure, I have the discipline to deal with my rather enormous sex drive, but it's not about me.

I disagree. I think that if they let go of their crutch and actually start working their muscles, they will learn how to love another human being who is female and enjoy amazing sex plus companionship with her. However, people are free do disagree and if he does not want to take my advice, that's fine. Good luck to him. However, since I have had no problem in dating and am happily married, some people might learn and benefit from my experience and viewpoint. As it is, I'm impressed with man-in-the-box because I see that he cares to consider a female perspective concerning man's addiction to porn/masturbation. Again, not all women think the same, but many women do have issues with porn/masturabation, strip clubs, their loved one going to prostitutes, and cheating.

 

I am also impressed with man-in-the-box and his understanding. But I don't think that Ross is incapable of loving a woman just because he masturbates - that is quite an insulting statement. I also gather that Ross has ALREADY taken the advice you have given him and has already gone long periods without masturbation and it did not work for him.

 

I get that you are married and have some experience dating so I would think that people would learn and benefit from your experience/viewpoint, but in this case it is not one that is proving to be helpful, although as I have said, I'm 100% sure that you mean well.

 

Ross, as far as I know, is not a little kid. I'm not "chastising" him. However, I won't offer him any more advice, seeing as he does not care enough to even consider it. Chao.

 

Again, you fail to understand the extent of Ross' illnesses, but you are right he is not a little kid. The reason he didn't care for your advice was not because he had no interest in taking it (As I said, he has already tried abstaining and he did not experience any positive change - and anyway, he doesn't even do it all the time), but it was because he felt insulted.

[ThaWholigan]

Now to directly address the topic itself:

 

I think it's important for a man to practice abstinence from masturbation and porn. All things in moderation as they say. It's probably a little bit different if you are single and not having any sex, so likely you will be waiting on your wet dreams for a while . But still, it's an important step. I know that whenever I stopped watching porn and ceased to masturbate, I was a slightly different person afterwards, I was up and down and all over the place, I ate more, I got more done, I had pent up energy and aggression, I was hornier . I felt like I was on overdrive. Kinda how I feel these days now that I haven't done it.

 

However, I have sexual release because I have sex partners. A lot of guys don't have that luxury. So I don't begrudge a single man with no sexual partners the occasional wank. Not every man is going to have the kind of discipline I had to frequently abstain from masturbation and deal with it. So why would I tell him off for relieving himself?

 

Porn in particular can be a problem if one watches it daily. So beware of that.

[somedude81]

True, but for some women, if they knew he was masturbating to porn and planning on continuing to do so even while having a sexual relationship with her, some women would decline even the socialization with that man. I am one such woman.

Some women?

 

I'd say roughly 95% of men under 40 watch porn. That number is higher among single men under 40.

 

Women need to understand that, and just stop making it a big deal.

However, I do know that many women have issues with the man they love being dependent on porn/masturbation.

Last time I checked, neither Ross nor I have a woman that loves us.

 

And you are assuming that once we find a woman who loves us, we would still be watching porn.

 

Also, porn/masturbation does not help a man know how to talk to a real woman and have a meaningful relationship with her. It merely feeds his lust and gives him a temporary high

Watching porn is neither good nor bad. Actually, I think it's more good than bad because it can take the edge off and help clear stress.

 

It sounds like addiction, if you think that without porn/masturbation, you'd be an "irritable individual." That sounds like my coffee addiction lol and also like an alcoholic/druggies addiction - they all think that without their fix, they'd be miserable.

An addiction? Possibly. Here's a test to see if you have an addiction.

 

Go without sex, oral sex, any sexual intimacy, including kissing, for six months and then tell us how you feel.

 

Before you start, do you think it's something you'd even be able to do? Why or why not?

 

they will learn how to love another human being who is female

Learn to love who?

 

The girlfriend I don't have? Yeah I'm totally in love with her.

Edited November 28, 2012 by somedude81

[man_in_the_box]

I think the reason why she is trying to not make you feel bad about it is because she truly wants you in her life.

 

Have you ever asked her? It'd be interesting to know her answer.

 

Yes, I've asked her but I didn't really get a solid response apart from a vague description of the feelings that's she's experiencing.

 

Why don't you think of her to masturbate?

 

It's not like I never think about her - just that's she's not the only one I'm thinking about. Never when I'm intimate with her, only when I'm alone. I really dislike putting mental blocks on myself, it's a demotivating way to go through life. I have natural boundaries of things I don't think of, but I don't have to put in any effort to do so.

 

Baseline: what happens in my head is really my own business.

 

I don't think I'm addicted to porn. I can stay off it - I miss it - but it's doable.

[joystickd]

Now to directly address the topic itself:

 

I think it's important for a man to practice abstinence from masturbation and porn. All things in moderation as they say. It's probably a little bit different if you are single and not having any sex, so likely you will be waiting on your wet dreams for a while . But still, it's an important step. I know that whenever I stopped watching porn and ceased to masturbate, I was a slightly different person afterwards, I was up and down and all over the place, I ate more, I got more done, I had pent up energy and aggression, I was hornier . I felt like I was on overdrive. Kinda how I feel these days now that I haven't done it.

 

However, I have sexual release because I have sex partners. A lot of guys don't have that luxury. So I don't begrudge a single man with no sexual partners the occasional wank. Not every man is going to have the kind of discipline I had to frequently abstain from masturbation and deal with it. So why would I tell him off for relieving himself?

 

Porn in particular can be a problem if one watches it daily. So beware of that.

Moderation is bad for me and my damn near borderline priapism sometimes

[Ross MwcFan]

A question for bethebutterfly and skydiveaddict.

 

If you could somehow ban masturbation, would you? And if so, would you ban it even for guys who will live the whole of their lives never even getting to have one sexual experience with a woman?

[betterdeal]

The problem is, if he isn't getting laid or finding a woman to be with and finding it difficult to do so, but on the other side, he has no sexual release from masturbation or possibly porn, it is going to make for an extremely sexually frustrated and miserable individual.

 

Perhaps a bit of sexual frustration will be the adversity that inspires the significant change he desires. Besides, one can have a bit of me-time without porn.

 

As with everything, if you turn to (booze|porn|chocolate|ciggies|drugs|flirting|fighting|the gym|insert favourite pastime here) all the time as your way to take your mind off things, things don't go away, whatever it is you're turning to tends to become more harmful than beneficial, and the enjoyment is drained from it. Less is more.

[grkBoy]

I'll admit I was an addict (or do I say "I'm an addict" despite that I have stayed away now for a while?). I never thought much of it when I was single and not getting any sex, but when I dated one girl and then years later met my fiancee, I'll admit I had some ED problems in bed.

 

I've read loads of articles on all this, and even felt I wasn't "so bad" because I wasn't watching the really hardcore stuff. I didn't get into videos of men jackhammering women in the anus, or people pooping on one another. I usually liked stuff that seemed more "real". Two people having sex that seemingly looked normal and real...where her screams don't sound inherently fake.

 

Regardless, I was masturbating once a day at some points. I'd literally treat it as a nice relaxing release, but it became more a "daily to do" thing like eating or taking a shower.

 

In the end, I'd get into bed with a woman, and have problems getting an erection or maintaining it. I would get her off, but then after that my body felt like it had had enough and thus I'd lose it all. I'd end up seeing sex as more "work" than "fun"...and that's not good. I can see why this happened too. It wasn't that I didn't find the woman in bed as less attractive than the porn stars, but more that sitting in a chair and fapping is easier than the physical work of having sex.

 

I had tried several times to stop. I'd do like a drug addict would do. I'd make a pledge, I'd make promises to myself, try, then eventually I would falter and suddenly look for rationales to masturbate or "make deals" with myself...like if I go off this one time, or try to limit myself to 1 to 2 times a week, then it'll be ok. Yeah right.

 

Sometimes you get a hard day at work and you need a release, or my fiancee will be sick, tired, have muscle pains, her period, whatever...and thus I'd feel like I had to make do for myself. In the end, I still hurt our sex life.

 

My last attempt (which seems to be working) was this 60-day challenge I have seen all over the net. I put an app into my iPhone which is simply a calendar I can check off on days. So I tried to cut myself off cold turkey and "reboot" as they call it. I wanted to simply get to a point where I don't go looking for porn when I'm bored, alone, or whatever.

 

I found that the best methodology is to cut off porn 100%, but only work to curb masturbation, and keep it as a second challenge. I'll tell you, initially I was strong, but nine days into it I was fidgety, stressed, irritable, etc (which they said would happen). My fiancee at the time was fighting off the flu, so we weren't having sex.

 

I finally caved and relieved myself...without porn. Again, reading up on how to deal with those urges helped a lot. From there I simply kept on with my "60 days without porn" challenge unbroken, but kept the masturbation challenge separately. I went nine days without it...now I wanted to see if I could go ten or more...and I did.

 

In the end, I know I'll still see an ad in a magazine, someone's sexy pic on Facebook, or whatever and get the hormonal risings...but my goal is to not go looking for it. To not decide to jump on and "fap" when I'm alone and feeling like the release. To make and keep sex as an intimate moment with my love, and not some release or thing you do like brushing your teeth.

 

They say you get more productive, and it's true, but I think it's mainly so you don't fall off the wagon. I come home now and again work on personal websites, blogs, etc. I just try to keep my mind filled so I don't fall into my old ways. If my fiancee is sick, tired, on her period, or whatever...I just deal with it. I don't run to a substitute.

 

I'll also admit I feel more "masculine" now than I did before. I seriously and especially think the "nice guys" who can't get a date should take the 60-day challenge (if they look at porn a lot). Most the reason for the returned masculinity is that I'm not constantly releasing my testosterone through masturbation. I'm simply keeping it and thus you feel this sense of strength and manliness I can't explain.

 

I'm happy to report OUR sex life is much better...meaning now I get off as opposed to her just getting off. I feel more normal again and free. Even the urge to masturbate has vanished simply because the trigger is no longer there.

 

I feel weird spilling all this, but I wanted to. Simply because reading the stories of other guys helped me, and hopefully I'll help others now.

[sweetjasmine]

I feel weird spilling all this, but I wanted to. Simply because reading the stories of other guys helped me, and hopefully I'll help others now.

 

Thanks for sharing. My H and I went through pretty much the same thing. It damn near ruined our relationship, and when he confessed to me and stopped doing it, it was like night and day. He used to say he had libido problems or sensitivity problems because he was circumcised or this or that or the other thing. It was all BS, but I believed it, too, because I wanted to be patient and understanding. He was in deep denial until he stumbled across something one day and started digging. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks, and he's worked hard to get himself to a healthier place.

 

I'm certain your story will get through to lots of folks reading here. But it's frustrating to watch others continue to shoot themselves in the foot and deny that it's bleeding just a little bit.

[ThaWholigan]

Thanks for sharing. My H and I went through pretty much the same thing. It damn near ruined our relationship, and when he confessed to me and stopped doing it, it was like night and day. He used to say he had libido problems or sensitivity problems because he was circumcised or this or that or the other thing. It was all BS, but I believed it, too, because I wanted to be patient and understanding. He was in deep denial until he stumbled across something one day and started digging. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks, and he's worked hard to get himself to a healthier place.

 

I'm certain your story will get through to lots of folks reading here. But it's frustrating to watch others continue to shoot themselves in the foot and deny that it's bleeding just a little bit.

I think it's just that some of them feel that people are trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life they currently have. Porn is pretty much it, there's no GF, no potential GF on the horizon, probably cannot afford the ill-advised escort solution - as far as they are concerned, for now this is as good as it's going to get.

 

Myself being in that position, I still abstained quite a bit from time to time and I do feel that it helped, but I was already making the conscious belief that I would soon find a GF or at the very least willing sexual partners. I can't say some of the guys here feel the same, even though I have tried to help them extensively to change their mindset. Maybe them abstaining from porn would help, I don't know. But I'm just trying to understand why they feel the way they do about it - and perhaps the defensiveness comes from the idea that there's no point for them to do it because they have no GF or any sex, and to also have no masturbation/porn on top of that would be to torture themselves. I don't agree with it - my own porn use was fairly moderate, although I'm sure they aren't whacking it every day - but I understand it.

[grkBoy]

I used to think "addiction" only applied to drugs and alcohol. I never looked at porn, sex, caffeine, or even TV and video games as addictions.

 

My friend is a recovering video game addict. While I never told him about my past porn addiction, I came to realize that addiction is when you continuously consume something that ends up blocking your normal life in some way.

 

Sure, porn and masturbation didn't hurt my work, my health, or relations with my friends...but it hurt my sex life. Even now I think about how things would have been different in my past love life if I had been keeping that testosterone in me as opposed to expelling it.

 

I just know at this point I have a good thing, and the porn and self-pleasure simply isn't worth losing her.

 

I'll even tell anyone who might believe that masturbation and sex are practically the same feelings...the orgasms you get in real sex are way more powerful than in masturbation. In masturbation you get the dopamine rush and feel good. In sex you get an dopamine blast that makes you shake, short of breath, and feeling like nothing you can't fathom.

 

Anyway, maybe that's TMI...but I sincerely think many males could reclaim their masculinity if they quit porn and only masturbated occasionally when it's really about a stressful/fidgety need to have that release.

 

I think all those "nice guys" on the dating forum who complain endlessly about women passing them up for "jerks" or "alpha males" could find themselves becoming those "alpha males" if they keep their testosterone in them.

 

In any case, this is a day by day thing for me. In the beginning it was hard, but now I don't miss the porn anymore. I don't think about it. I treat it like it's some flaky girl who will bring me nothing but trouble.

[grkBoy]

I think it's just that some of them feel that people are trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life they currently have. Porn is pretty much it, there's no GF, no potential GF on the horizon, probably cannot afford the ill-advised escort solution - as far as they are concerned, for now this is as good as it's going to get.

 

Myself being in that position, I still abstained quite a bit from time to time and I do feel that it helped, but I was already making the conscious belief that I would soon find a GF or at the very least willing sexual partners. I can't say some of the guys here feel the same, even though I have tried to help them extensively to change their mindset. Maybe them abstaining from porn would help, I don't know. But I'm just trying to understand why they feel the way they do about it - and perhaps the defensiveness comes from the idea that there's no point for them to do it because they have no GF or any sex, and to also have no masturbation/porn on top of that would be to torture themselves. I don't agree with it - my own porn use was fairly moderate, although I'm sure they aren't whacking it every day - but I understand it.

 

Here's an interesting metaphor I've mentioned in the dating forum.

 

Look at the men and especially women who take on a FB or FWB. I tend to notice those men and women suddenly raise the standards bar on a potential mate very high once they have that "someone on the side" to provide them with sex.

 

I'll see men and women now overlook or pass up many great potential boyfriends and girlfriends because they feel they can hold out as long as they want now, since they have a "go to" person to get sex from.

 

Porn is the same thing. For the person who really does want to find someone in life, porn or the FB or FWB will only lower your inner desires and thus keep you from seeking out what you really want.

 

I used to think masturbation would keep me in control and not make me a raging horny dog...but I now realize the frequency more or less took my masculinity away back then.

 

I honestly would not tell any man or woman to not masturbate, but one should not use it as the substitute for a lover.

 

Apologies if this is TMI, but when I quit and yet had those moment where the hormones were hitting so hard I had to relive myself, I wouldn't even last long. I wouldn't have to look at anything or imagine much of anything. If you can do that, then you're fine in my book...but if you need visual stimulation in front of you, then you might want to really ponder if you're masturbating for relief/release, or to possibly avoid life.

[sweetjasmine]

I think it's just that some of them feel that people are trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life they currently have. Porn is pretty much it, there's no GF, no potential GF on the horizon, probably cannot afford the ill-advised escort solution - as far as they are concerned, for now this is as good as it's going to get.

 

Yeah, I understand. It's different when you don't have a partner and haven't had one for a long time, if ever.

 

I don't think masturbation is inherently bad or even that porn is always bad. But I do really believe that a lot of men out there are addicted to it and that many more who aren't would still likely benefit from reducing the frequency of porn use. It's disturbing that you can't say that without people resorting to emotional "lol you're just jealous and insecure" arguments in response. It's interesting how extremely defensive some people can get when the subject comes up.

 

Myself being in that position, I still abstained quite a bit from time to time and I do feel that it helped, but I was already making the conscious belief that I would soon find a GF or at the very least willing sexual partners. I can't say some of the guys here feel the same, even though I have tried to help them extensively to change their mindset. Maybe them abstaining from porn would help, I don't know. But I'm just trying to understand why they feel the way they do about it - and perhaps the defensiveness comes from the idea that there's no point for them to do it because they have no GF or any sex, and to also have no masturbation/porn on top of that would be to torture themselves. I don't agree with it - my own porn use was fairly moderate, although I'm sure they aren't whacking it every day - but I understand it.

 

I honestly think it could be physically and psychologically harmful for a man who has no outlet to flat out stop masturbating, period. As for whether reducing the frequency would help them find a partner, maybe it would. Maybe it wouldn't. I have to wonder whether the change in their libido and hormones would help override some of the social anxiety they might feel. Hormones are a very powerful motivator. There's no time to over-analyze and freak out if your hormones have taken over.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think it's just that some of them feel that people are trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life they currently have. Porn is pretty much it, there's no GF, no potential GF on the horizon, probably cannot afford the ill-advised escort solution - as far as they are concerned, for now this is as good as it's going to get.

 

Myself being in that position, I still abstained quite a bit from time to time and I do feel that it helped, but I was already making the conscious belief that I would soon find a GF or at the very least willing sexual partners. I can't say some of the guys here feel the same, even though I have tried to help them extensively to change their mindset. Maybe them abstaining from porn would help, I don't know. But I'm just trying to understand why they feel the way they do about it - and perhaps the defensiveness comes from the idea that there's no point for them to do it because they have no GF or any sex, and to also have no masturbation/porn on top of that would be to torture themselves. I don't agree with it - my own porn use was fairly moderate, although I'm sure they aren't whacking it every day - but I understand it.

 

Even if it is possible for a guy to get a gf in the future, why not just stop masturbating once it happens?

 

Sure there 'might' be the not being able to get it up issue, or desensitized issue, but that will only last for a few weeks? Months?

 

Until then you can just both engage in lots of fourplay.

[ThaWholigan]

Even if it is possible for a guy to get a gf in the future, why not just stop masturbating once it happens?

 

Sure there 'might' be the not being able to get it up issue, or desensitized issue, but that will only last for a few weeks? Months?

 

Until then you can just both engage in lots of fourplay.

I preferred being able to get it out the way before then. I always abstained because I didn't want it to be too regular. I wasn't sure my first time was to be with a GF - and it wasn't. So I had one chance to be 100%. I'm glad I wasn't watching at the time, so I was very easily aroused and quite difficult to snap out of that state.

 

I did also learn how to edge. So sometimes I masturbated without cumming.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think it's just that some of them feel that people are trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life they currently have. Porn is pretty much it, there's no GF, no potential GF on the horizon, probably cannot afford the ill-advised escort solution - as far as they are concerned, for now this is as good as it's going to get.

 

Myself being in that position, I still abstained quite a bit from time to time and I do feel that it helped, but I was already making the conscious belief that I would soon find a GF or at the very least willing sexual partners. I can't say some of the guys here feel the same, even though I have tried to help them extensively to change their mindset. Maybe them abstaining from porn would help, I don't know. But I'm just trying to understand why they feel the way they do about it - and perhaps the defensiveness comes from the idea that there's no point for them to do it because they have no GF or any sex, and to also have no masturbation/porn on top of that would be to torture themselves. I don't agree with it - my own porn use was fairly moderate, although I'm sure they aren't whacking it every day - but I understand it.

 

Exactly, that's a great way to describe it.

 

On top of that these people have great sex lives and brag on LS about how they do it everyday and how it's so wonderful and how they love to do loads of fourplay and everything. So that makes them trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life that guys like myself have to be even worse.

 

I find it to be disgusting, really disgusting, and offensive.

[sweetjasmine]

So that makes them trying to take away the tiniest shred of a sex life that guys like myself have to be even worse.

 

But the thing is that no one can take any of that away from you. In this thread, there are just a few people saying that relying on porn and masturbation so much and treating them as a crutch may be counter-productive to your goal of finding a partner. Only you can test that out and see if it works for you. Nobody's going to take anything away from you. If you would find it harmful to abstain or cut back on frequency, then simply don't.