Wife left- Third Time 18 Years I'm OK

[Downtown]

Rev, thanks for the update about your beach trip. Am glad it went so well with DD15. I agree with Ver13 that, in ten weeks, the D will be cause for celebration. When I got my D, I was so relieved to get is all behind me. It felt like I had just emerged from a dark tunnel (15 years long) into the light.

[revitup]

Got a text today from STBXWW "I am getting the D papers this week....let me know if you want anything specific" she said.

 

I said "THANKS".

 

You see I know she did not do the papers before and probably not now.She is just checking me out,I am gone!

 

I know (I am in N.C. and her in S.C.) so I will have to wait until Aug. 15th and she can do it now.

 

I hope she does but I plan to do it myself in August.

 

ANyway,I am going to spend more time here answering people's posts.I believe that once I had the bigger picture....I sort of disappeared because I did not need anything.Now I like telling my story as so many did for me in the beginning.Thanks to all of you I am a new man.

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

STBXWW sent a text last night and left a VM (DD15 and I were in a meeting)....says she will be at the D Atty this morning!!!!!!Wanted to know if I would still sign the papers for uncontested?I said oh yeah!

 

I hope that is true and I get them jokers today!If not...I already have mine from NC ready to file on August 15th.

 

REVITUP

[Downtown]

I hope ...I get them jokers today!If not...I already have mine from NC ready to file on August 15th.

As Hannibal was fond of saying to his A-Team, "Don't you just love it when a plan comes together!"

[revitup]

Happy Birthday to me.....

It has been a great weekend and b-day today as well.

 

I thought I would just check some posts today and wow.There is some good stuff on here lately.Yas posted something on another thread about her boots and mini skirt in the beamer convertible andI am still recovering from the mental picture now.:)Thanks Yas

 

Also,got a Happy Birthday text from the STBXWW today,sent back "thanks"

I love those one word texts like she used to send me,when it's now me who is sending them!

 

Also,still no papers from STBXWW?Wow am I glad that I have my own ready.Downtown-I am Murdoch most likely.I like it when a plan comes together too!

 

Oh yeah,DD15 and I have once again enjoyed the beach all weekend.It was great.We just played around and basically goofed off all weekend.

 

I hope you all are having a great week.I will update again soon.

[Downtown]

Happy Birthday, Murdoch!

[trippi1432]

Yas in her beamer with her red hair blowing in the wind.....smoking hottie!!

 

Happy Birthday Rev!!

[Gunny376]

Me? I'm ONLY 21 years old?

 

I've just got thrity-five years worth of PRACTICE at being 21!

Age is a matter of caring? If you don't care? It don't matter!

 

Happy Birthday Rev! May you live long and prosper ~ as they say on Vulcan.

[revitup]

Gunny,I have socks that are twenty-one:eek:

 

Actually I am twenty-five.....twice!

 

I love it,my thirtieth b-day was like a midlife nightmare for me.I don't know why.This one is cool,I am in great shape and life is good.

 

Thanks guys

REVITUP

[revitup]

Been quiet lately because of strange happenings online.

 

It seems that the STBXWW has installed a bug to send all correspondence to,from or generated by to her alternate email.This is unbelievable,she simply is not that smart.

 

It has taken some professionals in the IT world to unravel the scam.The STBXWW was involved with people who would love to destroy myself and DD15.

 

STBXWW came here a couple of weeks ago after speaking with DD15 on Saturday.She arrives on Sunday at 11:30 AM.This time is because she knew (thought anyway) that we would be attending church or at the beach.

 

With the STBXWW is a strange grundgy looking dude.She proceeds to take my DD15's custom Skiff.It was built by me for DD15.And named after DD15.STBXWW had told DD15 that she wouldn't take her boat (hull was titled in STBXWW's Name.STBXWW had signed title over but pulled a scam with the "duplicate" somehow.

 

It's not about the boat so much as the events around the theft.DD15 had begged her mother to send her personal things from SC where STBXWW lives.STBXWW never sent anything and also did not bring the items with her and creepy boy when she did the surprise visit to steal the boat.

 

Anyway,creepy boy had just been let out of jail in SC for receiving stolen property that morning (I have ways of finding out things too).When they arrive unexpectedly I am sitting on the steps as she parked down the long driveway and walks up.STBXWW then asks to see DD15 to give her a card.

 

DD15 comes out and goes off on her mother (shocking to STBXWW as she has controlled both of us for so long).DD15 says why are you taking my boat?Dad actually built it,for me,the trailer is dad's,the engine (2500.00) is dad's,all of the components were bought for me by dad,and you can't take it.

 

STBXWW has NO EMOTION at all!She looks back and I see her looking at creepy boy in the suv they picked up from a used car lot in SC.STBXWW then knows I have moved the boat to an old man's house....she calls the law to get them to make me hand the little skiff over.

 

While STBXWW is on the phone,I walk down to the truck with creepy boy in it.STBXWW goes off as I look in the truck at the dude.STBXWW tries to stop me from seeing the dude.As I look into the truck,DD15 is railing at her mother,still no emotion.STBXWW says "DD15 what is wrong with you,why have you changed"? I say (in front of creepy dude in the truck) "you have changed,you are #$%^# CRAZY,that's what"!

 

Now creepy boy decides to chime in "whoa" he says, (bad move on his part)! I turn to him and explain how he is to remain quiet while in my presence.As this happens STBXWW suddenly gets emotional.

 

STBXWW became emotional because she could now see the .40 Caliber Auto in my belt on my back.She tells the police on the phone "he has a gun,he can't have a gun"!(STBXWW wrongly believed that because she had me committed in 2010 in order to milk me dry while there,I somehow can't own or carry a firearm).She failed to realize that when you leave these places you go to be examined and only a judge can rule you as crazy.That move back then was to take all I had and failed.I am not crazy.

 

I explain that they will have to come and pry it out of my cold dead hands if I can't have a gun!STBXWW then speeds off to the old man's house and has the cops to meet her there to take the boat.

 

When I get there (strapped) the officer says he has to allow her to leave with the boat because of the title even if it's phoney!I just leave and DD15 is crying and angry with her mother.DD15 sees the truth and know the truth now.

 

A few days later (STBXWW never calls DD15 or answers ant texts or emails) I go to see my shrink (Ritalin makes it mandatory every six months or so) and tell her all about the things goin on now.She lets me know that STBXWW is intentionally trying to destroy any of us who are not being controlled by her anymore.She says we were in great danger from this woman.We already knew this.

 

You see,STBXWW is involved in various criminal enterprises and identity theft rackets...I now know she filed tax returns here with me as "Single"?

STBXWW has five different idnetities all verified.

She has websites selling sex.

She was born to a man who in 1975 was arrested in CA for an assasination attempt on Gerald R. Ford.

She has been in and out of all kinds of mental institutions before I came along in 1995 to "save her".

 

In the middle of this is what BPD'r and Downtown had warned about and questioned.STBXWW's daughter DD22 now,is now sending my DD15 the most hideous and mena messages.Calling her names and saying DD15 is "DEAD" to their side of the family!

 

We also find that this has been the pattern for their entire family for decades.STBXWW"s mother was in Quantico,got pregnant and ran with every Marine there and abandoning STBXWW with her mother.STBXWW was raised by her gma as was all of them in this family.Perversion and identity theft along with mysterious deaths of husbands are all over the place.

 

You see,when anyone dies there in that family (STBXWW's Stepdad died 2 weeks before she left this last time and her Gma died two weeks before the second time) everyone has to regroup,DD15 and I are never allowed to attend the funerals or get-togethers!There is lots of land and money involved here.

 

Also STBXWW posted a secret FACEBOOK site (I found it) and had created a new identity.The pics are all her though!She is evidently doing quite well.After I copied it and sent her a THANK YOU for giving me a toll in the divorce that's coming up she removed it.She had no one on it that we know,not even her own family?

 

STBXWW did want me to sign a non-contested divorce in a big way.I now know why.She posted that she was married Feb 6th 2010 (that was a date when I was fighting to get out of the nut house)!We were married Aug 9th 1995!

 

I guess I am really posting this to hear my own words saying how crazy this all sounds.It's pretty evident now that this DEVIL has been setting things up for a long time.It was no accident.

 

STBXWW is most likely BPD but she is now controlling her own thoughts and drugs have taken her mind to some kind of demonic place.As I study the effects of Meth it looks as though those who abuse it for extended periods are actually incapable of feeling pleasure except when using.This apparently goes on for many years after the junkie stops.It takes a long time to recover if at all.

 

I am happy to be alive today,I am blessed to have my loving daughter with me and a sound mind in both of us.I am truly a lucky man to be out from under this controlling spirit.

 

I know this all is mind-boggling and "unbelievable" to some,just know that it is real to those of us who have lived it.

[Downtown]

Rev, thanks for giving us a lengthy and detailed update of what's been happening in your life for the past two months. I agree that, yes, you are a lucky man indeed to have gotten out of that toxic relationship alive. It sounds like the skiff was a small price to pay for the opportunity to have DD15 to see the unvarnished truth unfolding right before her eyes.

[Gunny376]

Strange but true? Hard to believe?

 

Trouble is?

 

Thing is?

 

Been there!

 

Done that!

 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder! BPD, and tha' rest of the freaking alphabet.

 

I've no problem with their being "crazy", I just don't want to go along for the ride in the process of making me crazy trying to figure their crazy azz out?

 

Forget tha' boat! What matter is that the DD15 is OK and your OK! They sell boats everyday! Tha' DD15 knows the deal! She knows ~

 

I don't have to like nor agree nor even love my Mother. God only asks that I give her my proper repsests due and honor her!

[revitup]

Thanks Gunny and Downtown.

Unless a person had been there and done that...they just can't understand this thing.I look back now (months later) and I am ashamed to say I was just plain brainwashed before.

 

There are many things I haven't let out yet.It seems this woman had a

lot of help and was more cunning and devious than I would have thought.

 

As Gunny said,it just about runs you crazy trying to figure it out when you are in the middle of this behavior.

 

I haven't seen the Narcissistic BPD stuff yet.But it sure sounds like her.The BPD is a no-brainer though.

 

This devil was good,very good.Now that all have seen what I saw behind the curtain,they know the truth.It seems that STBXWW did a PR job for years and her only fear was the loss of control over myself and DD15.

 

According to the therapist,STBXWW saw the loss of control over my daughter and had to immediately destroy her as DD15 was in STBXWW's mind a new threat,an enemy!

 

I see that STBXWW was and is incapable of LOVE.Even for her daughter or herself.

 

Thanks again,I will update soon.There is so much to get out.

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

Whoa,yesterday I spent the entire Sunday reading a website blog.It was shrink4men.com

 

I cannot tell you how enlightening this was for me.The posts are moderated and joined by Dr Tara?

 

Dr T puts it straight to you.It may be someone on this site?All I know is that you can SEE exactly what is going to happen when you get involved with a person "suffering" with this BPD/Narcissistic disorder (I think it's a spiritual thing BTW).A possession of some sort,worsened by drugs and mental/emotional abuse as children.

 

This board has all of the things in one place for those of us who have had the "pleasure" of fighting for our sanity in these TOXIC BPD NARCISSISTIC relationships.It is not for everyone,just those of us who "loved" enough to try and "save" the injured birds,who are these BPDr's.

 

I somehow,with the help of many here,Gunny,Downtown,BPDr and many,many others, was able to instinctively know what NOT TO DO this time.It's been 10 months now since this 3rd STBXWW abandonment.The longer the span of time without communication with her,the more the F.O.G. lifts.

 

You see,when STBXWW left me in Jan 2010,I was crushed and did not understand.I fought to have my "Family" back.The "fear" I most held close,losing my "family".

 

Little did I know,I had no family.I had a DD14 and a devil,a couple of devils to be more precise.

 

STBXWW's DD20 at the time was and is exactly like her mother,who is exactly like her mother,who is exactly like HER mother.

 

If I had more history,I bet it goes back several more generations as well.

 

When you read the stories from DR T and others on the shrink4men site,you quickly come to a simple and "in your face" conclusion.One that Gunny,BPDr,Downtown and myself know all too well.

 

We never stood a chance!The deck was stacked against us from DAY ONE!There never was a hope in the hearts of those we chose to love that we would be successful in "fixing" them!They instinctively knew all along, they were going to destroy what goodness we had in us from day one.They had to do just that.This way when they "pull the rip cord" they leave a broken and undesirable heap of a man behind.This ensures we never "love" again and no one blames the STBXBPDWW for leaving such a mess!

 

A loving and caring man in their lives was simply too much of a threat to their own egos.A loving,smart and caring child was also too much for them to handle.It seems that their OWN children are also a threat to their ego and pride.It makes them look bad when the BPDr's are upstaged by a sane and rational child in the family!Especially if it's another female.

 

They have a need to be the CONTROLLING mechanism in everything the "family" does!

 

This explains the statement Gunny has made many times here...."cheaters always trade down".They trade down because they do not want to be the "lesser" person in any relationship,at least not for long.They feel superior when they are in a relationship with another "wounded" bird.They get involved with some thug or druggie that has severe issues.This keeps them in the drivers seat so to speak.

 

It also explains why our BPDrs and NBPDr's demean us and demand changes in every little thing we do,only to choose a man after leaving us, who is the epitome of all they "hated" about us....even though, we "jumped through EVERY hoop" for their approval!

 

We "changed" for them.We improved for them.We sacrificed for them.

 

We made all they wanted in life possible.We gave them education money to "improve" themselves,yet they did not get paying jobs to help us most of the time.We gave them love,they gave us false hope,we gave them loyalty,they gave us infidelity,we gave them honesty,they gave us deception.

 

We gave them COVER and that's what they HAD to have. BPDr's and Narcissists have to be the Soccer mom of the year.They have to be the envy of all those in the community.They have to "appear" as the most wonderful women around.This is why they run the secret "campaign of deception and distortion" behind our backs.They go to our "friends" and turn them (slowly) against those of us who have trusted them and helped them.They tell those around us that we are not "what we appear to be".We are somehow "hiding" our dark side from all but the BPDr.

 

They do these things with the intention to leave us or run us away "sooner or later".When this happens (it always does BTW) the BPDr's are looked upon with pity and sympathy,sometimes,even by our own families and friends.Our friends and neighbors are slowly "conditioned" just as those of us who fell for the BPDr's distortion campaigns and came to their "rescue" when the BPDr was down when we met them.

 

For those of us who have been wondering if the STBXBPDWW will somehow "change and be happy" with the "new" guy.......IT WILL NOT HAPPEN!

 

BPDR's NEVER EVER EVER change.They are fundamentally screwed up and they will ALWAYS repeat the same tricks and relationships, over and over again.That new dude will simply go down like we did.There is no longer a question in my mind as to whether I "could have done things differently".There was a known outcome in my situation and I was actually helpless to change it.STBXWW did not want to change it!STBXWW did not feel "WORTHY" of a good man.

 

STBXWW always told me "You deserve better".

 

STBXWW was right!

 

Good to be FREE today.

 

To be continued.......................

 

REVITUP

[Downtown]

Whoa,yesterday I spent the entire Sunday reading a website blog.It was shrink4men.com .... you can SEE exactly what is going to happen when you get involved with a person "suffering" with this BPD/Narcissistic disorder.

Rev, I've never joined Dr. Tara's forum because I just can't get past her cover articles, which paint a black-white picture of "abusers" and fail to distinguish the sociopaths and narcissists from the BPDers. She describes spider-like women who lure men into their webs with sex and praise and then suck them dry. While this description may be apt for the sociopaths and, to a lesser extent, the narcissists, it does a great injustice to the BPDers, IMO. Unlike the others, BPDers are actually capable of loving you, albeit in an immature way. Moreover, BPDers typically believe that their projections are real.

BPDR's NEVER EVER EVER change.

That is not my understanding. Although it is rare for a BPDer to have the self awareness and ego strength needed to stay in therapy, it does happen. For those who will remain in therapy, there are many excellent treatment programs (e.g., DBT) throughout North America and Europe.

Good to be FREE today.

Glad to hear you are feeling that way. I feel the same, having been freed from my toxic marriage for nearly six years now.

[revitup]

Downtown,you have a valid point(s) here.It seems that my wife is part of ALL of these and being ethnocentric I may be judging it all by my own experience.

 

I do think at some level there was "Love" .

 

It just means something different to my STBXWW.

 

Also the drug abuse my STBXWW is back into now and in the past along with the degrading sexual craziness,she is into has complicated anyone's ability to KNOW what's really going on in that noggin'.

 

What really matters is that I now realize some of my own weakness' and the way I played a huge part in all of this.

 

I needed VALIDATION from her,I NEVER EVER got any validation from her at all.It was a sick mind trick from hell.

 

My feelings are that she can only be helped by somebody else.I did my best and failed because she did not feel worthy.

 

It's very hard for me to "quit" anything.That combined with my "need" of having a "family" was my downfall.

 

It may be that some people actually lead productive lives with these disorders,they are not the norm however.

 

That being said,I just picked a bad one and paid a huge price for doing so.

 

Lesson learned.

 

My role today is that of "protector" again....this time however, it's myself and my daughter that I "protect".

 

REVITUP

[Downtown]

It may be that some people actually lead productive lives with these disorders,they are not the norm however.

My view, Rev, is that the vast majority of BPDers -- and to a lesser extent the sociopaths and narcissists -- are able to lead highly productive lives. The vast majority of them are high functioning, which means they typically interact well with casual friends and total strangers. IMO, being unable to sustain close friendships or a marriage does not mean a person is unproductive in society. On the contrary, there are numerous folks having strong traits of BPD and narcissism who excel in demanding professions such as business, government service, psychiatry, education, medical fields, theater, and academic research. Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana, for example, were full-blown BPDers if their biographers are to be believed.

 

As to the low-functioning people, I would argue that most of them also are able to be productive when you consider the positive impact they have on other peoples' lives. My bipolar-1/Asperger foster son, for example, is too nervous to ever hold a regular job but has been of enormous value in his impact on my life.

It seems that my wife is part of ALL of these.

If she has strong BPD traits, that would not be unexpected. A recent survey (pub. 2008) found that about 70% of BPDers also had one or two other PDs, together with at least one clinical disorder (e.g., depression, anxiety, or bipolar).

[revitup]

Update time

 

Well it's almost one year (Aug 15th will be a year).DD15 and I are growing stronger and becoming more and more enlightened with each passing day.No drama and life is taking on a normal sort of feeling for both of us.

 

DD15 is finishing up driver's ed tomorrow.

 

DD15 is still remembering things from the time with her mother in the few months DD15 was alone with STBXWW in another state (SC).These memory bubbles are chilling.DD15 has told me recently of many downright demonic things her mother said and did to and around her.

 

DD15 was told by her mother that DD15 just wasn't pretty enough (to me or STBXWW) and that DD15 needed to learn more make up tricks and hair coloring techniques in order to become prettier. DD15 is beautiful and I mean beautiful.I am not saying this because she is my daughter at all.She is gorgeous in everyone's eyes.

 

STBXWW also told DD15 that I never thought DD15 was smart enough or good enough at anything...ever.Also that I pushed DD15 to be good at softball because DD15 "needed to be good in at least one thing in her life!

 

I fought with STBXWW before she left last year because of DD15's grades.STBXWW kept telling DD15 that she wasn't smart like daddy,she was "just like mommy and won't be able to get A's ,so B's and C's are the best she can expect".I argued that DD15 was an A student and that if B's and C's were actually the best she could get that would be just fine,however if she is an A student ,A's should be the goal.

 

DD15 also remembered another situation from last summer.This was a day when STBXWW comes to me (out of the blue) to let me know DD15 is going to a pool party in Fayetteville that day.When I asked who is hosting it STBXWW says it doesn't matter.When I asked if there were going to be parents and if STBXWW knew the parents she played stupid.It turned out that this was a Facebook party .I did not allow DD15 to go because she was to be dropped off at a stranger's apartment 30 miles away and left until after midnight!STBXWW was furious at my "controlling attitude"!

 

Well now I find out that STBXWW was planning to drop off DD15 anyway and go "somewhere else" for the night until 2 am!It turned out to be a (project X) party?None of us knew any of these people hosting this thing.

 

DD15 also filled me in this week as to the plot to kill me.STBXWW lost her stepfather last year,ten days before leaving out of the blue.STBXWW went to VA for the funeral.I could not attend as usual,due to the craziness of STBXWW's mother.I wasn't allowed!

 

I knew about the plan before but had no details.I now know that STBXWW,STBXWW's daughter (who I had fought to get back from STBXWW's mother at age 4) DD20,STBXWW's mother,STBXWW's aunt and STBXWW's step brother were in a room having a meeting as how to best murder me.DD15 was right there and they spoke without remorse or any conscience.

 

The plan went like this,when STBXWW came home after the funeral here to NC,she was to leave me the next day and go to SC and take DD15 with her.They would move into the house of her DD20.I would (as always before) run after STBXWW and try to talk her back home.At this point,STBXWW would go out into the yard to see me at which time she would shoot me "in the face" and then call 911.While on the phone with 911 STBXWW would say "I am scared of him,Oh my God he is here now",then another gunshot would be heard by 911 in order to cover my murder.STBXWW's mother was a prior 911 operator in VA BTW.

 

This is so sick that I can hardly stand to write it.The worst part isn't that STBXWW and others planned my death,the nasty part is that STBXWW and others all conspired IN FRONT OF my daughter to kill her father,while no emotion at all was in it.It was just business.

 

Today,I am a grateful and happy man.A year ago I was living a lie and darn near paid for my closed eyes with my life.

 

I cannot stress hard enough how I was in the FOG.It's hard to see how I had become the idiot that I had obviously became in the 18 yrs together.It is actually quite simple.STBXWW was a whole lot smarter than I gave her credit.STBXWW did a brainwashing and control freak job on me that would baffle many therapists and MC's in my life.

 

This weekend and the week prior have been all about personal growth for myself and my DD15.I have studied and read everything I could find on mental and emotional abuse by women.I see it so clearly today that I am both sick on my stomach and excited about DD15's and my future without STBXWW in it.

 

I am really seeing myself for the first time in many years.I have joy again and hope and goals for myself.I had become so enmeshed in thoughts of "how do we please momma,how do we make sure momma is happy,what will momma say about..."? I had really lost myself completely.I was ruined beyond repair almost.I had no personal identity or sense of self worth at all.Almost being the KEY here.

 

This was all planned out by these "emotional vampires" (thanks for the term Gunny) for a long time.They are professionals at destroying a person's ability to make a decision or have an opinion.They hate themselves and they tear you down so far that you now are caught up in their drama so badly that you do not see the emotional bloodletting they are constantly giving you.

 

I know all women are not like this at all.As a matter of fact I believe men are just as good at doing this to women.I only have the personal experiences I have suffered through as a reference.

 

I just want to say to all here (men and women) that you are not thinking straight until you get out of the FOG.Fear,Obligation and Guilt.This FOG business will cause you a lot of problems until you get out.

 

When you do get out it will be like heaven.I am so strong inside today.My minor aches and pains have completely gone.My thoughts about my future and dreams about DD15's future are beautiful today.Our days seem stress free now,they seem to be anyway,it's really that when you have been expending your energy fighting a devil in the house, before going out each day to fight the real ones outside of the house for so long,you feel free and happy to know that you wake up to no that no more.

 

 

Just wanted to brag a little about how good it does really get.

 

Keep on keepin' on.

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

Update

 

This week has been phenomenal. I have had the eureka moment that I needed.I found this on my own and the therapist/Dr was shocked as I broke it all to her.

 

I went to therapist yesterday and I was back to myself....my old self.My 18 years ago self.I am Jake again.

 

When I met my STBXWW and for all of my adult life I have had a nickname,it was Jake.Jake is a nickname not an alter ego!

 

The name Jake was not the problem with STBXWW...it was the inner strength and assertiveness of "Jake" that STBXWW did not like.Jake could never,ever be controlled!Jake set boundaries and Jake would kick your azz to the curb for looking at him wrong.

 

Well ten years into my relationship with STBXWW, she decided Jake was an a-hole.She would say "you're acting like Jake"! I have no idea why I let her take away my nickname! Until last week.

 

I have soul searched for ten days now and have awakened to my own issues.

 

In all fairness,Yas... (in the beginning ,11 months ago) posed a question about my own well being mentally.I blew it off and just acted as if it was all the STBXWW's fault,I knew better than that but I was hurt...sorry YAS.

 

What I will admit is.... I chose the woman I chose for one reason,I was out to find a challenge.I have never found anything that I couldn't master in my life.It's easy for me to turn crap into apple butter.I have an extremely high IQ,can be very charming and can read people like a psychic.I have hidden it from everyone I know since being with STBXWW.

 

I did not want her to feel bad,she is less that average when it comes to intelligent conversation or insightful and meaningful time together.I saw her as a woman that I could "help" as a distraction from my own issues in life.It was not intentional.

 

Every time I solved the "Rubik's cube" that she was,I turned around and it was all screwed up again!This kept me busy and preoccupied while I slowly lost myself and my autonomy.I handed over my mind to her.It took many years to hand it all over but I did it.I am not a victim though.

 

Does she have problems,of course she does.She is screwed in life, as a matter of fact.She was dealt a dirty hand at birth and her BPD mother and grandmother made it worse.I would never again chose to be any where around her crazy azz for any reason.I would rather die than to live this mess again.I will never allow her to see her DD15 without a certified Psych evaluation and drug screen.And may not then,she is dangerous,very dangerous.

 

I know now, that my STBXWW had a childhood that included being brought up in the Charles Manson "family"! This is not a joke at all folks.

This woman's mother was running with the Manson "family" for many years in the late 60's and early 70's era.I have her birth certificate now (she had hidden it and her past from all of us).

 

Google the two men who were arrested the same day as "Squeaky Fromme" was arrested in California in the 1970's for the assassination attempt on President Gerald Ford and you will pull articles on STBXWW's father and another man who was also the lover of STBXWW's mother!They were arrested (same day and same place)and confessed to a murder involving Patty Hearst in Tenn.!I am not kidding.

 

This is down right creepy and I know it can mean my buddies here may think I am crazy as a bat,only problem is that I am not joking.My DD15 and I are lucky to be alive.

 

Therapist/Dr. googled it yesterday and almost passed out.This is gonna get good,real good.

 

I will post more soon ,I just wanted to get this out before I bust.

 

 

JAKE....

REVITUP!

[Downtown]

Jake, I am simply flabbergasted by your recent developments and almost speechless. I am very glad, however, that you and your D have survived the ordeal.

[revitup]

Best days at the beach in my life this week.

 

DD15 and I went to our little getaway place (my brother's beach house) at Topsail Island NC for the past few days.It was the best time I have had in many many years.

 

We played in the surf,went swimming many times,went fishing,made dinners from scratch (clams casino,fresh fish and old bay spiced shrimp) and walked the beach for hours.

 

We went down to the water and watched the moonlight on the waves (full moon) and the wind was howling so hard you heard only the noise of the ocean.It was an hour of almost complete silence as we lost ourselves (had a couple friends with us too) in the beauty of God's creation.

 

I haven't had this much energy and excitement for life in 15 years or more.My personality is back to being "Jake".We talked about everything under the sun and we joked about how we had to "dumb down" our jokes so that STBXWW could get them too!

 

I am usually in a hurry to get home when it is time to leave,this time I would have stayed for a month longer if it wasn't for obligations here,including therapy appointments for both of us.

 

That being said,DD15 went to therapy today and the therapist is super impressed with the continued increase in the maturity level and insight of DD15.She says we are on a solid path and growing stronger.

 

DD15 is way beyond her age and has grown into a role as a survivor.Not that of a victim.I am so fortunate to have her as my daughter.I am proud to be her protector.

 

These conversations with DD15 are something we could not have enjoyed around STBXWW.It is good to be free from that fear of "saying something to upset mamma"! As we were walking down the beach to the pier and back,I said "I am having a great time just walking and I have more energy and excitement than ever". DD15 says "Dad, that's because you aren't walking on eggshells anymore"!

 

This feeling of being able to say and do as I please, without "censoring" my speech and thoughts, is the most empowering feeling I have experienced in a long time.I would never give this up for any woman again.

 

 

The odd thing is that I was stronger before I met STBXWW than now,but after carrying her baggage and emotional ball and chain around for so long,it feels like I am better now, than before I met her.

 

In other words,I am looking forward to tomorrow,because we get better everyday!REVITUP

 

JAKE

[Downtown]

Jake, it is great to read about your wonderful beach vacation in NC. You and your DD15 sure deserved it.

[revitup]

Well,well,

 

STBXWW calls me yesterday (I do not answer) and texts DD15 (she does not respond).

 

The reason for her call according to the voicemail....it seems she wants to "negotiate" a child support agreement figure!I will let the courts decide the amount.This is what STBXWW does not want.It brings into court the numerous money scams and hidden accounts she has with others.

 

STBXWW has not sent a dime for the support of DD15 so what has changed?

Her azz got served is what changed!

 

I have always been against doing that to her or anyone (I paid over 200k in 18 years).I overpaid and it was a sham.

 

However,STBXWW needs to know what the real world is all about.

 

Hello reality!

 

Jake

[worldgonewrong]

I know now, that my STBXWW had a childhood that included being brought up in the Charles Manson "family"! This is not a joke at all folks.

This woman's mother was running with the Manson "family" for many years in the late 60's and early 70's era.I have her birth certificate now (she had hidden it and her past from all of us).

 

Um, totally serious: given the plot-to-kill-you discussion preceding this,

and given the orgiastic thing within the Manson Family, it is entirely possible that your STBXWW is the illegitimate offspring OF Charles Manson. Not joking whatsoever.

[revitup]

Woweeee,

 

I have missed the other posts by Downtown.For whatever reason the BPD post I have just now finished was hiding in plain sight before.

 

It is surreal,Downtown says the splitting black hits hard at the 15 year mark.My STBXWW and I met and started dating on January 22nd 1995,she split me black in January 2010!

 

I am currently diving deeper into the codependency issues I have developed.My questions are no longer about her at all.

 

I only feel "pity" toward her at this point,it is all I feel now.I am disgusted when I think of her and the things I felt for her as well as the things I did in bed with her.I feel nasty about it.

 

I really don't know if "pity" is what I should be feeling.It just feels like there are zero emotions to have for her except pity.

 

I have to get a grip and better understand where I am now,mentally.There are thousands of articles but I need a little guidance in where I need to learn now.Therapists are wonderful-sometimes.Our therapist is proud of all that DD15 and I are accomplishing now and very understanding.That being said,she is also very inexperienced with the BPD and NBPD arenas.

 

I would appreciate any and all insight into where you (all who have been there) see DD15 and myself at this point as well as sites and support groups that would give the quickest bang for the buck so to speak.

 

There is no need for me to try "trial and error" . I have a sense of urgency in recovering from the mental effects of this brainwashing and self esteem destruction campaign.

 

I see something internal in my personality and mental health make up that has to be changed or I risk making the same mistakes again and never growing.I want to be the best I can for my DD15 and myself.Taking the belief that I am part of the problem is helping me to avoid the "victim" trap.I do not intend to go there.

 

Thanks in advance

 

Jake