Dad got his affair partner pregnant Now what

[turnera]

I'm so sorry. Then all you can do is cut them both out of your life. You and your siblings.

[MuscleCarFan]

I walked out of my house last week and noticed all four of my tires were slashed. Then suddenly, I got slammed against my car... I looked up and there was my dad. We started to fight just like I thought he was winning. My neighbor saw and called the cops.

 

They pulled up and arrested him, my neighbor took me to the hospital. I have two cracked ribs and a Concussion. The police wanted me to identify him and press charges. I didn't though..

 

My mom called me screaming and crying while on her way to get him from jail. I'm dead to her, if I come anywhere near her husband she will call the cops and I better stay away from them. Finally I'm a coward.

 

My aunt brought me some food and told me she'll pay my rent and just focus on school. My sister went over to their house the next day and they were cuddled up on the couch. My mom got up, got her what she needed and told her to get out. My mom had a black eye and a fat lip. She went right back to him and did the same thing. My sister didn't get close to him but said his chest looked bruised. My sister looked back as she left. He smiled at her with his "see I win" smile and waved as she walked out...

 

You should press charges against this @sshole. He deserves jail time for assault and battery, not too mention for vandalism of your car.

 

Cut these toxic parents out of your life. You don't need 'em.

[pink_sugar]

I walked out of my house last week and noticed all four of my tires were slashed. Then suddenly, I got slammed against my car... I looked up and there was my dad. We started to fight just like I thought he was winning. My neighbor saw and called the cops.

 

They pulled up and arrested him, my neighbor took me to the hospital. I have two cracked ribs and a Concussion. The police wanted me to identify him and press charges. I didn't though..

 

My mom called me screaming and crying while on her way to get him from jail. I'm dead to her, if I come anywhere near her husband she will call the cops and I better stay away from them. Finally I'm a coward.

 

My aunt brought me some food and told me she'll pay my rent and just focus on school. My sister went over to their house the next day and they were cuddled up on the couch. My mom got up, got her what she needed and told her to get out. My mom had a black eye and a fat lip. She went right back to him and did the same thing. My sister didn't get close to him but said his chest looked bruised. My sister looked back as she left. He smiled at her with his "see I win" smile and waved as she walked out...

 

 

See after all of this, trying to protect your mom and the rest of the family, she turned against you. There's no reason you shouldn't press charges against him now. Do not allow him to get away with it. You've got nothing more to lose now. This goes to show that some women will abandon their own children to keep an abusive man in their life.

[Ska]

For the first time in a long time I'm actually crying over this. (I'm having a hard time with that alone.) He once said "let me let you in on a little secret boy, men don't cry, little girls and babies cry. And, I guess mom cries, because she's weak and knows I deserve better than her. You're not a weak baby girl are you?" I don't think I cried at all after that...

 

I just wanted to help, maybe I should've stayed out of it... As badly as I've painted her here I've always loved my mom. Now she says I'm dead to her, I messed up big time...

 

I'm worried that he'll hurt her even more if I press charges... He just went to jail and she got a fat lip and black eye for it. (of course she could have done "something stupid and he had to show her the right way, maybe one day she'll understand" his exact words at one point, not mine.)

[turnera]

I know some people who did press charges and physically moved their mom into a women's shelter, whether she wanted to, or not. She couldn't run back to him because he was now in jail.

 

But you gotta do what you gotta do, and it's probably not as easy for you kids to do any sort of such thing. Just please don't blame yourself for what he does, ok? And keep on getting therapy. It's your only salvation. You're young yet, so you still have a chance to overcome all the dysfunction you've learned in that family and have your own good family.

[turnera]

Oh, and crying is DEFINITELY OK. In fact, it's our bodies' way to relieve stress and to heal. Let them flow. You seem like a wonderful young man and I think you're going to become an even wonderful person yet; what he's done has NOTHING to do with who you are. And any man who can't cry...I wouldn't trust him and I wouldn't want him.

 

{{{ska}}}

[pink_sugar]

OP, please don't blame yourself for this. You are not responsible for your mother, she should have been there for you growing up. She failed you as your mother. What have you done wrong? Think about that. You did nothing wrong here. He attacked you, you didn't attack him. Him going to jail is his own fault. Your mom is really, really sick in the head if she's faulting you for that after you received broken ribs and a concussion, treating your father like the victim.

 

And the OW really shouldn't have brought you into this type of danger.

Edited August 23, 2012 by pink_sugar

[Ska]

His birthday is today, so my family went over for dinner last night. My sister got there and asked where my dad was. Apparently he was sleeping because I had hurt his shoulder. My sister asked if she knew that he'd broken my ribs and gave me a concussion. My mom said he'd never hurt one of his children that bad, I'm guessing she's forgotten he broke my nose and my tooth on my birthday...

 

When my brother got there he came down, when they were eating my 9 year old nephew asked where I was. My brother said he was just about to ask that too. My dad didn't answer and my mom said "besides daddy I don't know anyone by that name." that was the end of it. My nephew asked about it when they left and my sister told him he doesn't know a lot about grandma and grandpa and she would tell him when he was old enough to know.

 

I talked to the girl this morning, she hasn't spoken to him and is getting a restraining order in case something happens. She's doing good, the baby looks great so far.

 

In the end that's the most important thing to me, I love that kid.

[pink_sugar]

Your mother sounds like my H's mother. Totally blind to everything and their husband the center of their universe. I cannot believe people still go over there to celebrate with them, it makes me sick honestly. I hope the girl at least feels bad about the danger she put you in. When you say you love the kid, you mean the unborn baby? Or did she already have the baby?

[Ska]

Your mother sounds like my H's mother. Totally blind to everything and their husband the center of their universe. I cannot believe people still go over there to celebrate with them, it makes me sick honestly. I hope the girl at least feels bad about the danger she put you in. When you say you love the kid, you mean the unborn baby? Or did she already have the baby?

 

My sister went over for the kids, my brother doesn't know, or didn't.

 

She hasn't had it yet, but for some reason I feel like I love it... Weird I know.

[pink_sugar]

I hope your sister will eventually keep the grand-kids away from this man. Horrible example of domestic and child abuse.

[Ska]

I hope your sister will eventually keep the grand-kids away from this man. Horrible example of domestic and child abuse.

 

She won't be going over there anymore, she said she was uncomfortable the whole time. He's different when the kids are around, they love him... He's still a jackass but makes an attempt to hide it.

[Zolie]

Your story breaks my heart! Thinking of your mother (and you and your siblings) having to sit there and watch that spectacle at the party is mind boggling. The only reason I can think for why she was willing to put herself through that is because your dad has mentally beaten her down so severely that she doesn't think she is worth more than that.

 

I read a few of the other responses and I agree with the ones who said they would have disowned a father like that. I have disowned people in my life for MUCH less. But, I understand the familial ties.

 

Seriously, though, your father is a sick, sick man. He is definitely a narcissist. And an exhibitionist.

 

I also agree you should somehow try to help his current girlfriend. She won't believe you, at first. But, all you have to do is tell her he made his family come to that party and act like they didn't know him. THAT alone should show her what a complete jerk he is. Did she see you all? If she did, surely she wondered who you were? Tell her!

 

I wish you peace from this. People like your father often end up bitter, lonely old people. While I don't wish that on anyone, some people cause that themselves. Usually, though, they have no idea why no one loves them or wants to come see them. ugh.

[MuscleCarFan]

Your story breaks my heart! Thinking of your mother (and you and your siblings) having to sit there and watch that spectacle at the party is mind boggling. The only reason I can think for why she was willing to put herself through that is because your dad has mentally beaten her down so severely that she doesn't think she is worth more than that.

 

I read a few of the other responses and I agree with the ones who said they would have disowned a father like that. I have disowned people in my life for MUCH less. But, I understand the familial ties.

 

Seriously, though, your father is a sick, sick man. He is definitely a narcissist. And an exhibitionist.

 

I also agree you should somehow try to help his current girlfriend. She won't believe you, at first. But, all you have to do is tell her he made his family come to that party and act like they didn't know him. THAT alone should show her what a complete jerk he is. Did she see you all? If she did, surely she wondered who you were? Tell her!

 

I wish you peace from this. People like your father often end up bitter, lonely old people. While I don't wish that on anyone, some people cause that themselves. Usually, though, they have no idea why no one loves them or wants to come see them. ugh.

 

Ska already told his dad's (now ex) girlfriend everything and she will more than likely get a restraining order against him. Read more of Ska's posts.

[Zolie]

Ska already told his dad's (now ex) girlfriend everything and she will more than likely get a restraining order against him. Read more of Ska's posts.

 

Ah, thanks. I admit I had not read all of the other posts yet. Thanks for the alert.

[Ska]

I've been thinking about calling my brother and telling him what's been going on, but I don't think he'll take my side. I have a feeling he'll tell me I brought it on myself. Which I did, I know that now.

[Zolie]

I got a little offended on your behalf when I read the poster(s) who said your story sounded like a troll posting. That never occurred to me, as I completely believe your story.

 

However, after I read the entire thread, I did see a sort of Lifetime Movie quality about the whole thing. I could totally picture the entire story. complete with flashback scenes, as a Lifetime movie, or a novel.

 

As they say, fiction is stranger than truth. Many of us DO live the kind of dramas that are depicted in Lifetime Movies. Those scripts are often borne of real life happenings, either in the news or a friend of a friend, etc.

 

I am sorry you have had to live it.

[CC12]

I've been thinking about calling my brother and telling him what's been going on, but I don't think he'll take my side. I have a feeling he'll tell me I brought it on myself. Which I did, I know that now.

 

What exactly did you do to bring this on yourself? Telling the young woman about your dad? If that's what you meant, you've got to stop thinking that way. That's the rationale of an abused person. This is likely what goes on in your mother's head a lot of the time - "It's my fault. I did something bad so I brought it on myself." You didn't do anything wrong.

 

You did what needed to be done. The girl needed to know so she could make an informed decision. And thankfully, she also did the right thing by breaking it off with your dad, which saved her and her unborn child from the same fate you and your mother and siblings have suffered. Good. Be proud of yourself.

 

If certain family members don't get it, it's not your responsibility to change their minds. Don't tell your brother about this unless he asks. Then if he starts giving you a lecture or whatever, say, "Look, I'm only telling you this because you asked. I'm not looking for your advice at this time. If you have questions about what happened, I'll answer them because you deserve to know, but beyond that, I don't really want to talk about it."

 

I think, Ska, that you should attempt to step away from all of this now.

 

Step away from any unnecessary communication with that girl. You're growing an attachment to that baby, and that is worrisome. You do understand that there's a good chance you will not be in that kid's life at all. To put it into realistic terms, you're the son of the kid's father who isn't around anymore because he's a terrible person. Where does that rank you on the Familial Priorities List?

 

Step away from your mother, also. She's kind of already made that decision for you by disowning you, and I'm so sorry for that. It sucks so hard that your mom is mad at you. But however illogical it is, that's her decision and she's entitled to it. All you can do is give her a standing offer to help in any way if she decides to leave him. Until that happens, just shrug your shoulders and be done with it, for your own sanity. What is there to be gained by staying in contact with your mom (who disowned you,) your dad (who is terrible,) and this girl (who is a stranger to you)?

[turnera]

My sister went over for the kids, my brother doesn't know, or didn't.

 

She hasn't had it yet, but for some reason I feel like I love it... Weird I know.

That's a very deep - and typical - psychological response to the abuse you endured; seeking a mental 'way out' of what you went through by rescuing that baby, when no one rescued you.

[turnera]

I've been thinking about calling my brother and telling him what's been going on, but I don't think he'll take my side. I have a feeling he'll tell me I brought it on myself. Which I did, I know that now.

Tell him anyway.

[Ska]

I would've stopped speaking to my dad a long time ago had my mother not stayed. On the other hand he pays my tuition and my rent. He also paid for my new tires (the ones he destroyed). I don't know how I'll be able to pay my tuition now... My aunt is awesome enough to pay my rent for me.

 

I've been thinking about not being involved with the baby and it breaks my heart. I did this for this kid, no one else. I knew my mom wouldn't leave I knew it was useless to help her. The only person that hasn't had to go through his crap yet is the baby.

 

I just feel like I've lost whatever I was hoping to achieve...

[turnera]

ska, a couple of things. First, being on your own, you're eligible for all kinds of grants and scholarships and loans. You have tons of options to pay for your school. You probably will have to find money for tires, though. Did you have insurance? Please don't go back to your dad for the money.

 

Second, you want to be connected to that baby because your life sucked so bad and you are transposing yourself onto that baby. That's not healthy, ok? And you DEFINITELY have no business being in that baby's life. Yes, it may be your half-brother or half-sister, but think about it. You're just some stranger to the mother, who did her a great favor by keeping her from getting tangled up with an abusive man, but aside from that? You're just some stranger. Please don't go down that dysfunctional route. It will only lead to more pain.

 

Third, go to your school and ask for their counseling service. If it's a regular college or university, they will have one. And it's free. PLEASE start going to regular therapy, ok? It's the only way you're going to have a life that's not messed up. You need their help to learn good coping skills and to learn how to get over what's been done to you.

[MuscleCarFan]

I would've stopped speaking to my dad a long time ago had my mother not stayed. On the other hand he pays my tuition and my rent. He also paid for my new tires (the ones he destroyed). I don't know how I'll be able to pay my tuition now... My aunt is awesome enough to pay my rent for me.

 

I've been thinking about not being involved with the baby and it breaks my heart. I did this for this kid, no one else. I knew my mom wouldn't leave I knew it was useless to help her. The only person that hasn't had to go through his crap yet is the baby.

 

I just feel like I've lost whatever I was hoping to achieve...

 

Just take student loans. Better than taking money from your douchebag father.

[pink_sugar]

I would've stopped speaking to my dad a long time ago had my mother not stayed. On the other hand he pays my tuition and my rent. He also paid for my new tires (the ones he destroyed). I don't know how I'll be able to pay my tuition now... My aunt is awesome enough to pay my rent for me.

 

I've been thinking about not being involved with the baby and it breaks my heart. I did this for this kid, no one else. I knew my mom wouldn't leave I knew it was useless to help her. The only person that hasn't had to go through his crap yet is the baby.

 

I just feel like I've lost whatever I was hoping to achieve...

 

Oh wow, I had no idea you were so dependent on him. My advice is to be as independent as you can...student loans, part time job etc. Even work full time if you are able to go to school half time. I am taking online courses and working close to full time to make ends meet. That is great of your aunt to help you out.

[turnera]

My mom moved away the month I graduated, so I had no choice but to get a full-time job (didn't know about loans back in the 70s) and go to school at night. Took me ten years, but I eventually graduated. Lots of ways to achieve your dreams.