I want to watch my wife have sex with other men.

[honey2005]

Oh, by the way. I have no interest in having sex with any other women myself and she knows that.

 

If you don't want to have sex with other people, what makes you think your wife does?

 

If I died, should my wife give up on having a sex life alltogether? Should all single people out there stop having sex because it's dangerous? Like I said before, driving a car is dangerous. Should she stop driving too?

 

That didn't answer my question at all. And, number one, you and your wife are NOT single. When she married you she probably didn't think you'd want to share her with other men. If my husband wanted to share me, I would feel very hurt and unwanted. Husbands are supposed to cherish their wifes, not want to let other men use them. Number two, by asking your wife to have sex with other men you're asking her to take a chance at getting an STD, some of which are deadly. The driving analogy you keep using doesn't fit at all. You're not asking your wife to drive and put herself in danger just to fulfill your fantasy. But you ARE asking her to put herself at risk of getting HIV.

 

 

There's nothing wrong with being gay,

 

I'm not the one talking religion here. In my opinion, there is nothing at all wrong with being gay.

[sinner]

Although I've only read ShareHer's opening post, and not the entire thread, I don't understand the big deal. ShareHer's voyeuristic desires are not all that unusual or bizarre. If appropriate health precautions are taken, and his wife, who is an adult, voluntarily agrees to play along, let them enjoy themselves. If she doesn't want to play, and is only doing it because she feels pressured, then she can leave him, or he can leave her for a more swinging mate.

 

Human sexuality takes many roads. This is just a road less traveled.

 

If ShareHer can emotionally convince his wife to play, and I have my doubts, and no one contracts an STD or falls in love, then let the games begin. Remember, though, ShareHer's wife must be a %100 willing player. Otherwise, things will turn very ugly, very fast.

[koala bear]

Your wife is going hate you.She will find someone else but you won't be watching.I mean if you just don't get over this she is going to feel like you don't love her.

 

And if you keep bring this up and she really doesn't want to do it then you are going to lose her. You are making her feel like she's not good enough for you.

 

DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS SO BAD THAT YOU CAN"T GIVE IT UP? IF SO I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!

[ShareHer]

Originally posted by honey2005 One would think you'd have a bit more respect for your wife than that.

Damn, you sure are hung up on this respect thing. I post -one- aspect of our marriage and suddenly you are the foremost authority on us. You are truly amazing! If I had posted every detail about our marriage you would still be reading the post now. Maybe I should've posted how we still celebrate the anniversary of our first meeting 5 1/2 years ago ... every month. How about how we always hide a little "X" (which means I love you) somewhere around the house so the other person will eventually find it? How about when we see each other after work, we still hug and kiss each other like we haven't seen each other for weeks? How about how I give her a full body rub -every- night and never expect one in return? How about how I warm up her side of the bed on a cold night before she gets in so she'll be comfortable? How about how I always hide silly notes in her car to brighten her day? How about how I sing romantic songs to her? How about how I always speak highly of her with family and friends...and mean it? How about how she can feel free to make any plans at the drop of a hat without me trying to control her like in her previous relationship? Since you know so much about us, will you be consulting with us when you write our life story or will it be fiction, like all the other assumptions you’ve made? We look forward to meeting you on the book signing tour.

 

If you don't want to have sex with other people, what makes you think your wife does? . And, number one, you and your wife are NOT single. When she married you she probably didn't think you'd want to share her with other men.

 

Well, considering I DO talk to my wife, that would be the first clue. Secondly, I told her about this topic of discussion and my feelings on it on the very first night we met. She certainly didn’t run for the hills and we talked about it many times until -she- decided to try it. My wife and I aren’t single? Wow. Excellent deduction. She knew my thoughts and desires very well. She joked about acting on her freedom to play around many times but never did until her trip to Florida. She wasn’t forced. You weren’t there so by guessing that she was, you show your ignorance. She doesn’t think the way you do thank goodness. She’s fun all the time. She’s sexy and flirtatious sometimes around other men but more often she’s the typical devoted wife. So what if she is flirtatious? Is she hurting anyone? No. Is she having fun? She sure is otherwise she wouldn’t be doing it. Is anyone being jealous or hurt by her actions, like you would in your marriage? No again.

 

Maybe you’d have a happier life if you stopped trying to decide that everyone should have the same type of lifestyle that you do.

There's nothing wrong with being gay, .

That’s your opinion. You should preface your opinion with “I believe” or “It’s my opinion that”.

 

And once again, I never asked for advice. I asked a question. Read carefully.

[ShareHer]

Originally posted by sinner

Although I've only read ShareHer's opening post, and not the entire thread, I don't understand the big deal. ShareHer's voyeuristic desires are not all that unusual or bizarre. If appropriate health precautions are taken, and his wife, who is an adult, voluntarily agrees to play along, let them enjoy themselves. If she doesn't want to play, and is only doing it because she feels pressured, then she can leave him, or he can leave her for a more swinging mate.

 

Human sexuality takes many roads. This is just a road less traveled.

 

If ShareHer can emotionally convince his wife to play, and I have my doubts, and no one contracts an STD or falls in love, then let the games begin. Remember, though, ShareHer's wife must be a %100 willing player. Otherwise, things will turn very ugly, very fast.

 

Wow, it's sure nice reading a post that's not charged with personal emotion. I don't expect everyone to share my views. This gentleman posted from knowledge instead of guessing and assuming. He even pointed out some of the negative things that could happen without taking offense because it's not necessarily his choice of lifestyle.

[Beth]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/#civility

 

I would like to invite all of our guests and members to re-read our guidelines on posting. I provided a link to the area regarding civility in the posts.

 

Thank you

[ShareHer]

Originally posted by Beth

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/#civility

 

I would like to invite all of our guests and members to re-read our guidelines on posting. I provided a link to the area regarding civility in the posts.

 

Thank you

 

Beth,

 

Please accept my apology for my breaking the rules of civility on this forum. Sometimes I can be sucked into the name calling game when so-called civilized people make comments like:

[sneakyfun]

I see a lot of people replying that this is not cool, but I think it's great that you share your fantasies with your wife. Of course, I agree that you should let it go if she says no. And yes, you should be careful not to push her away, like Kelly says. IF she says yes, I'll volunteer

[ShareHer]

Originally posted by sneakyfun

I see a lot of people replying that this is not cool, but I think it's great that you share your fantasies with your wife. Of course, I agree that you should let it go if she says no. And yes, you should be careful not to push her away, like Kelly says. IF she says yes, I'll volunteer

 

sneaky,

 

I wouldn't think of forcing or pushing her into it. In over 5 years of being together, she's tried it only once and that was because all the conditions fit what she was looking for.

 

Sure, she doesn't have the same level of desire that I do but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to do it at all. I simply wish that she wanted to do it more than she does. Some husbands want their wives to have sex with them more often than they do. Some husbands want their wives to cook more often or clean more often. Does this mean they love their wives any less or that their wives are letting them down? No, they just want their wives to do something a little differently than they are. My wife may never want to have sex with another man again. I won't love her any less if she doesn't. I may be a little disappointed but life is full of disappointments. All of her wonderful qualities easily override that one disappointment. I mean like, who wouldn't want to get their way all the time?

[tiki]

Shareher, why did you post this post exactly? What WAS your point/question/concern? Did we answer that? Did we give suffice answers in your eyes? Or did we just give our opinions? You were asking for opinions, correct?

 

Can we all agree to disagree here?

 

We come from all different walks of life, and to each their own.

[Debster]

Well, shareher apparently just wanted to know if other women too would love it if their husband would give them permission to go bang as many men as she wanted - just so long as (and I could be reading this inaccurately) that he knows about it and has the chance to watch.

 

Personally, I think he was trying to recruit people to bang his wife.

[mymaniscrazy]

I SURE HOPE YOUR NOT MY HUSBAND!!!!!

 

Shareher I was just searching the net because my husband is wanting me to the same thing you want your wife to do and I now want to leave him.

 

He has made me feel so unlove and unwanted because I won't do this.

 

I found this site and was going to ask the people on LOVESHACK if I should but I got my answer from these post THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. I sure hope these guys get the help they need

[Butterfly_Queen]

Mymaniscrazy, OMG....now wouldn't that be something if it turns out he was your husband?! Even if not, I'm sorry your husband wants you do the same kind of thing. I don't blame you for wanting to leave. Its a disrespect to you as an individual and to the marriage as a whole, especially if its something you don't wanna do. Best of luck.

[haverespect]

Be nice and read this............

 

We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

 

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.

 

We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").

 

 

Good Job now Place nice

[LoveMyWoman]

Originally posted by Jacksin

How could you ShareHer! I think its time sunshine to stop dressing up in your Superman suit and grow up.

I dont think you respect your wife, but just think of her as a sex toy to get your rocks off with.

 

Jack

 

Well, who then should he thinking of as a sex toy to get his rocks off with? Newsflash ladies, your man is GOING to fantasize, so your question is:

 

Will he fantasize about you, or someone else? Which would you prefer?

 

 

Originally posted by sami

It is obvious there is a relationship problem here. A man (!!!?????) asking his wife to do something she is not interested in. This is abuse at it's best. This is the worst kind of emotional abuse ever. It will eventually lead her to total devastation. Marriage is about security and satisfaction. Women are not sex toys. This poor wife has self-respect and high self-esteem. Leave her and LEAVE. That may be better for both of you. You may find your match very soon somewhere else.

 

I don't agree that its a relationship problem per se to ask your mate to indulge your sexual fantasies. It is a problem however when you guys dont have the same sexual fantasies, and it is not a good idea to force your fantasies on her if it doesnt turn her on.

 

Women have sexual fantasies too, and the best lovers enjoy fulfilling them with their mates. But tell me, sami, who should a married man ask to fulfill his sexual fantasies with him? His wife or a girlfriend on the side? Or maybe he should pay some prostitute for it?

 

What's preferable here ladies? For your man NOT to have sexual fantasies? (like thats going to happen).

[miamiman]

My wife was bi-curious as well. I also had fantasies of sharing her. We used to talk about our wildest sexual fantasies when we met and get so hot for each other. Back then, we indulged our fantasies by going to a swingers club just out of the sense of adventure. It was AWESOME.. a truly incredible experience. I had her with another woman, two other women, another man, even two other men. In a hot tub, in a "dungeon", in an orgy room covered wall to wall with matresses and trysting couples. I think she had the hugest orgasm she's ever had, a mind numbing six minute explosion that is seared into my memory still, almost 4 years later. Theres nothing in the world more beautiful than my lady's face when she's cumming, and she got so hot being naughty in front of me -- just totally turned on. We had sex 9 MORE times in that same night when we got home, I just couldnt get enough of her!

 

Theres nothing in the world more beautiful than my lady's face when she's cumming, and she gets so hot being naughty .. I'd describe my feelings in exactly the same terms as ShareHer, I'm in "sexual heaven" still when I remember our fun times. Its incredible how much it still turns me on to this day.. i think about it sometimes when we have sex now, years later. Some men fantasize about ex-girlfriends or movie stars or porn or whatever while they are making love to their wives. If we hadnt actually DONE what we did, it would probably be my most delightful secret sexual fantasy. Every time I think of it, It makes me so hot for her.

 

We ended up going more than once, to more than one club, and enjoyed our adventures every time. This was before we got married. She was very conflicted each time afterwards, but it was obvious she enjoyed it TREMENDOUSLY. I really enjoyed it as well, and spent quite a bit of time trying within myself to understand why. Have you done that ShareHer? Have you tried within yourself to understand why that turns you on so much?

 

Unlike some people who think they understand peoples innermost sexual thoughts, I didnt come to the "gay" conclusion, rather I realized that one of the most personal secrets people have are their sexual fantasies and experiences. From the very beginning when we met, I felt a rush at being able to share her intimate sexual fantasies and experiences, even at being able to share her angst at acting on them. Some men have the "madonna/whore complex" and some don't. I wanted to enjoy my wife both ways -- well, actually this was before she was my wife -- as the woman I adore and want to have kids with and as my little sexy slutty vixen. I dont have to separate the two, after all, she's both women. I think ShareHer is getting that same rush, of sharing intimate personal details about her sex life that maybe she wouldnt share with anyone else, feeling the closeness of confessing deep secrets with the woman he loves.

 

Sometimes I wish she would go back with me, but I have to agree with the sentiment of a great many people on this forum that you shouldnt push her into it. Thats just plain wrong. I can understand the desire to share your deepest sexualy fantasies with your wife rather than someone else, but sometimes you just can't, and that's just the way it is. I think you mentioned that it still turns you on today when you can get her to talk about it, but she doesn't like to.

 

I also understand when you say you dont want her to do it every night as well. During our dating, it was probably a 3 times a year thing, probably 2 out of 3 trips were when SHE was in the mood. I always compared this to food. I love ice cream, but I never want ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner -- I want meat and potatoes most of the time, dessert is only for now and then. Most of the time, I just want regular old one on one, me and her into each other monogamous sex. But every now and then, I want something sweet ... or SPICY!

 

Well, at this point in my marriage, I have to hold onto my memories of some of those incredibly erotic moments. I have to keep those moments locked away as unspoken secrets, pull them out and polish them like sparkling erotic jewels to keep her adorned as my sexual fantasy fulfilled hopefully for the rest of our lives. You may have to as well, my friend. But in my mind -- probably in yours too -- no other woman could ever displace my wife as the ultimate lover. But what is wrong with a man thinking of his wife as his ultimate, eternal sexual fantasy, or should he be fantasizing about Jenna Jameson instead?

 

And to the women out there who dont enjoy being a little naughty for your husband, I think you are missing out, denying yourself and your mate some yummy satisfaction. Whether or not you realize it, you are at risk of losing your husband (at least temporarily) to someone who will indulge his sexual fantasies.

[Moose]

I don't share your view. I don't believe I'm missing out of some yummy satisfaction and my wife, (if she does have those cravings), had better keep them to herself, I'm not participating, and if she goes behind my back she had better hope I don't find out.

[Fayebelle]

You know- for myself I agree w/Moose but I understand different strokes for different folks.

 

My only prob w/this situation is that your wife has made it clear that she doesn't want to participate and although you say you don't pressure her I wonder how true that is.

 

Maybe you are only pursuing this topic so passionately to keep the thread going but if not and you focus on this fantasy this intensly daily then I'm sure she realizes your disappointment. Do you think it's fair for her to go thru each day knowing you find her lacking in an aspect of your relationship? Though you say you would never look outside the marriage- I would have to wonder if I was her. You may have no intetion of finding someone else to fulfill your fantasy but how does she KNOW that when you are OK w/ the thought of her being w/someone else. You know the old good for the gander- good for the goose thing.

 

Is this fantasy important enough to allow your wife to live her days doubting her ability to please you?

[Stone]

I am not one to choose the "swingers" life but my best friend and her husband have been doing it for years and are happy. Her husband is not gay and never touches the other man. It works for them but she agrees and enjoys it as well. But if this is something that doesn't fancy her then your SOL. There is nothing Wrong with you for having a fantasy!!

[jmargel]

My fiancee and future wife (getting married next month) has a fantasy of watching me with another woman. At first she just wants to watch, then have her & this other woman direct me on what to do. She would never push me into it, and if I were to say no, then that would be the end of it. I'm curious, as most men would be, but the issue only comes up very sparingly.

 

If she were to push me into it, I would not only be resentful but it would ruin the whole experience. Any kind of swinging has to be done with agreements on both parts. If your wife doesn't want sex from other men then you can't push the issue. Having other men 'cum' in her is not only degrading to her (if she sees it this way) it's also dangerous (with diseases), etc..

[tiki]

Originally posted by miamiman And to the women out there who dont enjoy being a little naughty for your husband, I think you are missing out, denying yourself and your mate some yummy satisfaction. Whether or not you realize it, you are at risk of losing your husband (at least temporarily) to someone who will indulge his sexual fantasies.

 

I completely disagree. You can be naughty for your mate and not bring any other being into the bedroom. And this doesn't increase my odds at my mate having an affair. Your comment was naive and unrealistic. Think again buddy.

[hotgurl]

I have been reading this post and here is my two cents.

I have a similar fantasy about watching & participating my bf have sex with another woman it gets me hot but It is best left a fantasy.

 

1. because sometimes fantasies are better than reality

2. actually doing it may make the fanatsy loose it's appeal.

3. Having a threesome can have many unexecpted and unpleasant side effect. feelings of guilt, jealousy, possisvness, lost of bonds between spouses and developing feelings for 3rd party especailly women.

 

But the main reason it's just a fantasy for me is because my bf is not into it and I don't want to risk changing our bond. You may think it won't change but it will to some degree. You didn't actually see your wife having sex in Florida. Seeing it is a lot different than hearing it and imaging it. so I keep to fantasy for me and masturbation. Just because your spoiuse doesn't want to filllful a certain fantasy because they are uncomfortable with it doesn't mean you can't have a very hot sex life some things just aren't for some people.

 

And since I have actually had a couple threesome I can tell you it has pros and cons but it ruined both realtionhips we thought it be hot ect. and great and it was my the unexpected emtional reprcussions killed the relationship. I know of very few people who swing and have had great relationships after. It will change things either for th good or bad.

[Iwould]

Originally posted by Moose

I don't share your view. I don't believe I'm missing out of some yummy satisfaction and my wife, (if she does have those cravings), had better keep them to herself, I'm not participating, and if she goes behind my back she had better hope I don't find out.

 

Originally posted by tikibrandy

 

 

I completely disagree. You can be naughty for your mate and not bring any other being into the bedroom. And this doesn't increase my odds at my mate having an affair. Your comment was naive and unrealistic. Think again buddy.

 

 

I think you guys missed the point. He wasnt telling everyone they should swing, just that people who have agreed to be each others lifelong mates should be able to indulge their sexual tastes together. Does that necessarily mean having an affair, or threesome? And yes, it is true that if you cant indulge your sexual fantasies, you ARE missing out ... on indulging your sexual fantasies!

 

I think peoples sexual fantasies range in kinkiness, for instance one of my ex-girlfriends had pretty tame fantasies of doing it on a pool table as well as fairly kinky fantasies of having me put on a womans wig and do her.

 

If that was your wifes fantasies, could you indulge it?

 

If she had a six-minute orgasm, would you enjoy it?

 

True, all men dont have the fantasies that those two have, but all men (or very nearly all) have SOME kind of sexual fantasy. So its a good question for a married woman, what's your man to do with his?

 

As a matter of fact, thats a good question for married men too!

 

What's your wife supposed to do with hers?

 

 

 

Originally posted by hotgurl

I have been reading this post and here is my two cents.

I have a similar fantasy about watching & participating my bf have sex with another woman it gets me hot but It is best left a fantasy.

 

1. because sometimes fantasies are better than reality

 

... And sometimes reality is better than fantasy! :-)

 

Originally posted by hotgurl

2. actually doing it may make the fanatsy loose it's appeal.

 

...And sometimes not! (Demonstrated by miamiman and ShareHer's desire to do it again)

 

Originally posted by hotgurl

3. Having a threesome can have many unexecpted and unpleasant side effect. feelings of guilt, jealousy, possisvness, lost of bonds between spouses and developing feelings for 3rd party especailly women.

 

This is true, no doubt about it. You have to be really sure that you're open minded enough. This is not something to play around with if you arent ready.

 

Originally posted by hotgurl

But the main reason it's just a fantasy for me is because my bf is not into it and I don't want to risk changing our bond.

 

I'm pretty sure this doesnt mean your bf doesnt have SOME sexual fantasies he'd like to do. Maybe he'd like to do them with you! You ever discussed it? Could you handle what he might say if he felt he could?

[Moose]

And yes, it is true that if you cant indulge your sexual fantasies, you ARE missing out ... on indulging your sexual fantasies!

 

Define Fantasy? Once you indulge in you fantasy, it becomes an action. ( A cheating act for some ). No longer a fantasy now is it?

 

I'd rather, "Miss out", and keep my fantasy between my wife and I than to indulge in them with her and risk losing the most important person in my life.

[miamiman]

Originally posted by Moose

 

 

Define Fantasy? Once you indulge in you fantasy, it becomes an action. ( A cheating act for some ). No longer a fantasy now is it?

 

I indulged some of my fantasies with my wife, but still want to do it again. Repeating the action is still a fantasy, now isnt it?

 

 

Originally posted by Moose

I'd rather, "Miss out", and keep my fantasy between my wife and I than to indulge in them with her and risk losing the most important person in my life.

 

Obviously, it should go without saying that is your choice and your right to make that choice, but if you can't breach that subject with the very person that you have chosen to be your lifelong mate, then it seems you have a somewhat repressive sexual relationship.

 

 

Iwould is right, Im not advocating everybody have the same experience as me, just sharing my experience. It gave my wife a great deal of pleasure, it gave me a great deal of pleasure, it still spices up our marriage and makes me excited for her, and I can understand where ShareHer is coming from. Giving fantasies -- even kinky ones -- a try is not all bad all the time.

 

Moose, I find it interesting that you answered his post, but didnt answer any of his questions!

 

 

Yes hotgurl, my wife did have some angst and confusion, and I went through that with her as well. That was somewhat difficult at first, but I think in the end two things happened:

1) she understood that she didnt have to be either a "good girl" or a "bad girl" with me. She could be both and I accepted her wholly for her sugar and her spice!

2) she understood that I wouldnt leave her just because she gets a little crazy sometimes with self doubt and uncertainty.

 

In the end, even going through that made our relationship stronger.

 

LoveMyWoman asked some good questions as well that didnt seem to get answered. I for one fantasize about my wife when we're having sex, sometimes about how naughty she looked enjoying the lips of another woman pleasuring her, sometimes about watching her watching her initial reluctance turn to naked abandon while being taken by two men at once. mmmm.. It was so deliciously naughty!

 

Now that we're married, we may never do those things again, but we still have that experience together to remember and be aroused by, and yes, even fantasize about.