Yasuandio Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Perhaps you should avoid interepetng "signs." Maybe review that Confirmation Bias thingy. That really got me straightened out, as I was interpreting signs wrongly (not to say you are, but just in case). Really, you don't need to look for signs at all. You need him to say somthing to the effect, "Allie, I love you, I want us to stay married, and I'll do anything to make our marriage work." I really liked it when he wanted to explore reasons why you felt you couldn't come to him with the truth. I thought that was very mature forward thinking on his part. Yas
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 I really liked it when he wanted to explore reasons why you felt you couldn't come to him with the truth. I thought that was very mature forward thinking on his part. Yas Yeah it really bothers him. I tried to explain to him why but its hard cause I dont want him thinking Im blaming him. I lied its my fault, its a chouce I made, a bad one! Pretty much hes told me Divorce isnt what he wants he saw it as a must ifhe cant trust me. But he also said he wants to get passed this and he wants to take it one day at a time. Thats hard for me but in the end it will probably make a much stronger relationship in the end if we do work things out.
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 He wants to work things out but just isnt sure. He isnt sure because he says hes having a hard time getting passed it. I lied because we had just had our first major fight and he hadnt talked to me and it lasted 3 weeks scared the complete life out of me. So because of that i was so afraid to tell him anything that could upset him for fear it would happen again. No real excuses though i just shouldnt of lied
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 No 34 and 32! Coop we are working on things but that doesnt mean im confident. Im a doubter by nature and a worrier so because im not seeing what i want its stressing me out and worrying. Im also impatient. He wants to work things out but trusting me is hard for him right now. He hopes that will come back and hes trying
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Thx Coop! Hes spending more time with me, and communicating A LOT with me. Hes telling me he doesnt want a divorce he just though itwas the only option since he was/is having a very hard time getting past me lying to him. He was avoiding talking about it and avoiding me but he said he realized that wasnt helping either and if he doesnt deal with this and get passed it he wont be ok with or without me. He wants to move beyond this but isnt sure he can but hes trying. Hes opened himself up to me more. But we did agree to take this one day at a time but im crappy at waiting. There are good things on his part that have happened this week: he reached out to dd, he asked about my work, opened doors for me, took me to dinner twice, he treats me very nice and respectful, weve laughed together and he is smiling again a little. But im such a brat i want it all now! Maybe i should of asked for patience ideas
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Coop at this point him trying is better than not! I'll take it as long as im treated with respect and dignity
Yasuandio Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 He wants to work things out but just isnt sure. He isnt sure because he says hes having a hard time getting passed it. I lied because we had just had our first major fight and he hadnt talked to me and it lasted 3 weeks scared the complete life out of me. So because of that i was so afraid to tell him anything that could upset him for fear it would happen again. No real excuses though i just shouldnt of lied I think this is the kind of thing your husband is trying to understand. The above quote completely explains that YOU ARE NOT a chronic liar (which may be what he is worried about). Anyone can understand why the second lie came so quickly, if they see the context you have just presented. Now, has your husband asked you to explain, why you lied? I'm not clear on that. If so, did you offer the above explanation to him? And, his response? If not -- at one of your dinners, if it were me, I'd get this out on the table. You know why? Because it is going to continue to be a problem for you until he realizes his role. You don't have to put it in an accusatory fashion - I like that you stated it as "your choice." But you did make the choice because the "life was scared out of you." Those may not be the proper curcumstances to make wise choices, would you not agree? Yas PS Coop, lighten up, man. You need to do 50 push-ups, soldier, Like right NOW! 1
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Coop- wth? If you read any of what I said I love this man deeply! Im not fleecing him. Why is it you like to go crazy mad in one post then sweet in another? Look i dont need to be asked if i care for him if i didnt i wouldnt be on here. So to answer you ?'s - i do treat him with respect and dignity - i love him deeply -whats with me? Whats with you? No i am not fleecing him? - no slug, snail or worm Salt? Wth????? You a get some great pleasure out of being a jerk and assuming crap?
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Yas- he asked me and i told him that i was scared and emotional and in a dark place but i never really explained my fear. I guess i was trying not to make excuses rather just to simply state it. He said hes racked his brain as to what he might of done to help cause this snd it made me feel so bad that its taken such a toll on us all especially him. I just told him it wasnt his fault but a choice i made. He is big on the it takes two thing though. I think maybe though i should explain further so he all the details. We dont talk about this everyday infact we havent in a few so im kinda scared to bring it up again so soon but its important
Yasuandio Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Yas- he asked me and i told him that i was scared and emotional and in a dark place but i never really explained my fear. I guess i was trying not to make excuses rather just to simply state it. He said hes racked his brain as to what he might of done to help cause this snd it made me feel so bad that its taken such a toll on us all especially him. I just told him it wasnt his fault but a choice i made. He is big on the it takes two thing though. I think maybe though i should explain further so he all the details. We dont talk about this everyday infact we havent in a few so im kinda scared to bring it up again so soon but its important Yes, I agree with everything here. Perhaps the right time will present itself. And when it does, you can say - something to the effect of: "you know, I have given this some more thought, and you are correct --- I believe, when it comes down to it, I was scared to tell the trurth about XYZ. Therefore, I made the choice to avoid discussing the real problem, and handled the grief on my own - so as not to put anymore pressure on you. I know now -- that was not my decision to make - but I was scared." Of couse, in your words - I am obviously way to verbose. Have a good evening Allie! Yas
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Dave (aka heartbrokenwifey) Thanks for the kind words! Your an A$$
trippi1432 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Coop - Please stop this now and contribute respectfully. We know you are hurt, but these posts are not helping Allie. Sorry, trying to catch up...but for now, perhaps cooling it a little and looking at the whole picture will help?
Author AllieKat Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Whats your deal? Does it make you feel like a big man to talk to a women like that? Exactly what did I do to warrant being called those names? I'm no whore not any of the other garbage you said either you need to grow up. I didn't do anything to Tojaz at all!! Your way off buddy. Good luck to your wife!!
tojaz Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 U problly have mirrors in your pants and see allie in them cuz shes a WHORE!!! SLUT WHORE BITCH= ALLIE ONLY A WHORE WOULD GO F HER HUBBY SO QUICK. That why Tojaz is mad allie cuz your a WHORE ASS SLUT Check your mouth Dave, because you are way off base and looking like a fool. Luckily the mods will have this mopped up right quick I'm sure. For the record, Allie hasn't flirted with anyone other then the man she married as far as i have seen, and I am not mad at her even a little. I just have been quietly watching because I have little advice for the situation she has created. I am still here should my opinion be needed. P.S. Judging by your behavior here, I'm sure Allies advice to your wife was quite sound. If your own house is solid, you need not worry what lie outside it. TOJAZ 1
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I will interject as well, it's been very obvious to many of us here on LS where Allie's loyalties are, with her husband. I will agree with one thing here....you should worry about your own house being sound before you start trying to bring malice to others Dave.
tojaz Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 dawg you r way off. You and her were all googly over each other till she screwed ya over Funny, you would think I would have remembered that... Dave, I can understand your angry, but Allie didn't cause whatever problems you and your wife are having. Allie didn't bring your wife here looking for help. YOU DID! Try focusing your energy on that rather then on the advice she has taken. Be someone your wife would want rather then fearing she might be more independent and have the strength to do things for herself and fearing even more what can be seen from the outside looking in. TOJAZ 2
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Seriously....did you just say that you had his back and now you are turning it on him?? That's hilarious!! Dave, you are extremely angry aren't you....this has nothing to do with Allie as much as it has to do with your own situation that has become an extreme stress in your life.
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Allie - Please do not let this stop you from reaching out when you need help, you should have never been made a target. I have you on my PM list, so if you need to talk, please feel free to add me. Your husband and this guy are not the same...neither are yours and Heartbrokenwifey's circumstances. 1
Cb3657 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 And... Boom goes the dynamite Allie when i was young i worked in bars, and the kind of thing we saw tonight was incredibly common, keep your head up Good on ya Tojas and trippi for hopping on the grenade, feel so bad for the wife, even for him, wonder how he will feel tommorow 2
tojaz Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Tojas Tojas, Tojax, Topaz, even Toejam once! Why do people find it so hard to get my screen name right! :laugh: And... Boom goes the dynamite Allie when i was young i worked in bars, and the kind of thing we saw tonight was incredibly common, keep your head up Good on ya Tojas and trippi for hopping on the grenade, feel so bad for the wife, even for him, wonder how he will feel tommorow Im sure he will feel just like were all thinking of him right now... like an A$$! I hope Wifey doesn't find her self banned or any other repercussions from this. Not the first time I've been attacked on LS and probably won't be the last, I'd rather it be pointed at me then at someone else. Now back to our regularly scheduled program..... TOJAZ 1
Cb3657 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm canadian we make our z's into s's sometimes just to keep the language confusing:laugh: You zee what I mean
Author AllieKat Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Ok ty all that guy is a jerk!! I need some advice here: Hubby issues so he was asleep on couch for a few hours and i was getting ready to go to bed and kinda woke him up well it was hard to but i did. I asked him to come cuddle with me since he isnt sleeping in our bed yet and he just ingored me. Then he starting setting up his make shift bed i went in room, he never said anything to me, well it really was bugging me so i got in car and went gor drive. He saw me go but said nothing. Am i being crazy or is he a jerk still?
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Tojas, Tojax, Topaz, even Toejam once! Why do people find it so hard to get my screen name right! :laugh: Now back to our regularly scheduled program..... TOJAZ I have no idea why you even put your sig line anymore...but then again Trippi is a drug addict now....Gawd, I wish!! LMAO!! :lmao: 2
Author AllieKat Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Btw nice to see u again tojaz sorry about what that guy said!
trippi1432 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Is he a being a jerk Allie? A lot of drama went on here tonight but you have not had time to post on what went on in your life personally.....what changed?
Recommended Posts