Forgiveness

[AllieKat]

We ended up talking last evening and it was easy to bring up because hubby was telling me how annoying the president lady is getting. She has decided not to come back and shes makubg the last few weeks of her reign by annoying my hubby with constant texts/emails.

 

I used that as my lead way into my feelings regarding her and how hard its been to share him, how it makes me feel, how it makes me act and my fear. He said, like i thought, that i have no worries with him cheating with ANYONE. I told him that sometimes i wonder if she has a thing for him. He said he doubts it but if she ever stepped wrong in anyway ( be it innapropriate talk, text or email or action) hed tell me immedi and the ladys hubby. We also discussed how ppl want him to not quit and i told him about how i had wished he had quit completly 2 years ago because of how i felt. He agreed that though we both had good intent the volunteering involvement was to much and has effected us negatively and our marriage. He said hes done with it no matter what ppl ask.

 

I told him i worry he will just up and go in july and give up on us. He said he doesnt see that happening and at this point hes trying to work through our issues but he said if he was not wanting to try he wouldnt be here regardless so that makes me feel better but he did say hes just not over the hurt but things are getting better but he doesnt want to rush anything. So i feel better but ofcourse i want things to get better sooner.

[Yasuandio]

We ended up talking last evening and it was easy to bring up because hubby was telling me how annoying the president lady is getting. She has decided not to come back and shes makubg the last few weeks of her reign by annoying my hubby with constant texts/emails.

 

I used that as my lead way into my feelings regarding her and how hard its been to share him, how it makes me feel, how it makes me act and my fear. He said, like i thought, that i have no worries with him cheating with ANYONE. I told him that sometimes i wonder if she has a thing for him. He said he doubts it but if she ever stepped wrong in anyway ( be it innapropriate talk, text or email or action) hed tell me immedi and the ladys hubby. We also discussed how ppl want him to not quit and i told him about how i had wished he had quit completly 2 years ago because of how i felt. He agreed that though we both had good intent the volunteering involvement was to much and has effected us negatively and our marriage. He said hes done with it no matter what ppl ask.

 

I told him i worry he will just up and go in july and give up on us. He said he doesnt see that happening and at this point hes trying to work through our issues but he said if he was not wanting to try he wouldnt be here regardless so that makes me feel better but he did say hes just not over the hurt but things are getting better but he doesnt want to rush anything. So i feel better but ofcourse i want things to get better sooner.

 

OMG I think that was a great convo! Look how nice he is compared to a couple months ago! He wouldn't even speak, now you both are free to open your hearts! That is lik so totally awesome, Allie! Whenever you have a doubt, just go to the post #882 where you described him! Yas

 

 

PS Also -- in your own expression, you wish for "better sooner" is a lot less impatienct than your previous attitude of things not happening fast enough to suit you. Do you see the difference in yourself? you are so much more easygoing, and people like that are easier to talk to and be around.

[AllieKat]

yas- it was good your right what a difference from where we were. He was so talkative last night, I think that question you asked me about him helped me get back into reality. Lol now why didnt you ask me that at post 25? Lol j/k

 

Im prepared to wait and be more patient as long as I need to especially if we grow a healthier, happier relationship.

 

 

Hope everyone on East Coast is ok. We had wind and tons if rain but never lost power or had any damage so we got very lucky.

[AllieKat]

So today at home hubby informs me hes going to be getting in touch with some ppl in the next week or so in regards to gossip. He said he plans on confront all the ppl who came to me and told me the president lady was talking crap on me and even a few others and then hes going to confront her again! And this time hes including her husband in on it who is his friend. He told me today its a means to an end and hes been waiting till the end if the season to do this to her.

 

Only issue is Im afraid those ppl who told me will either lie or say they dont want involved. If they lie im terrified hell believe them because of our current state. Im glad he hates this lady though because heck i sure do. He said basically its been a keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer deal. He said hes not doing this to stick up for me hes doing this to show her hubby what a piece if crap hes married to.

 

 

I know i need to let things play out but the last thing i think him and i need is more drama and make things worse and we are doing better. However i did tell him if this is what he needs to do then do it. I cant help but wonder if this is his way of trying to trust me. I hope all those ppl will do the right thing my marriage may depend on it.

[Yasuandio]

So today at home hubby informs me hes going to be getting in touch with some ppl in the next week or so in regards to gossip. He said he plans on confront all the ppl who came to me and told me the president lady was talking crap on me and even a few others and then hes going to confront her again! And this time hes including her husband in on it who is his friend. He told me today its a means to an end and hes been waiting till the end if the season to do this to her.

 

Only issue is Im afraid those ppl who told me will either lie or say they dont want involved. If they lie im terrified hell believe them because of our current state. Im glad he hates this lady though because heck i sure do. He said basically its been a keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer deal. He said hes not doing this to stick up for me hes doing this to show her hubby what a piece if crap hes married to.

 

 

I know i need to let things play out but the last thing i think him and i need is more drama and make things worse and we are doing better. However i did tell him if this is what he needs to do then do it. I cant help but wonder if this is his way of trying to trust me. I hope all those ppl will do the right thing my marriage may depend on it.

 

 

I can tell it is lower to mid fifties in Atlanta. I need firewood - not turninng on heat - to save costs. I don't know much about storm, don't look at media, news, or such.

 

Regards the confrontation - stay out of it. Gossip is gossip. Don't participate or you will look like you're defending yourself - that is, "defensive." Just, if something is wrong - just say, well, that's not true, period. End of storry. If hubby keeps pushing or accusing, assume the position of"

 

"How dare you." And don't speak. Walk away.

 

I would act "as if" I was a trustworthy wife, that has provided outstanding serce for X amount of years. Also, a wife that has given of her body and soul. Also, a wife that has served as a kind, compasionate companion, and partner - thru thick and thin. You have also tenderly shared the love of your off-sping with this man, a true gift not to be under-rated.

 

Now, that is your position. You don't lie anymore - right? Well, it's a new day, Allie. Wake up and smell the coffee. You are not some convicted killer in prison cause you told some lies that sprang from anger or jealousy, or whatever. I cannot remembre - your story is too long.

 

You just to own the bolded paragraph. If someone asked me to describe you, that's what I'd say. That's the impression I've gotten from reading the things you've written. Haven't you gotten to know me, Tojaz, Trippi? We all have personalities, positions, traits that you can see and measure without meeting us in person. So, I feel in a position to decribe you - and those are your positive attibutes. Same thing as you did for your husband - you described his positive attibutes. YOU HAVE THEM TOO. OWN THEM.

 

Now -- if he gets in your face with this GD gossip - or makes any accusation, do not submit or lower yourself to dialoging about it. That is what gosip discussions between spouses can lead to. and here is a way to handle:

 

1. The "how dare you" look, and then walk away and do something else.

 

2. After claifing with a yes or no, or it's untrue, if he continues, simply state and continue to repeat "BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO BELEIVE."

 

Nothing else. Just a good fight tactic in case the "b" says a lie about you. Do not get defensive or upset. Get quite. (others may disagree) Good luck, Yas

 

PS Still haven't found glasses, sorry for typos.

[AllieKat]

Thx Yas!! Now go find those glasses ?