Consolidated discussion - The Friend Zone

[Teknoe]

Like others said you probably want to give up at this point though. As much as it's interesting to disect people's lives, it's also a bit gruesome. Also, it's not like somedude gives a f*** about what we think

 

True. You hope though at some point if the same points are repeated enough times by enough people, at some point he'll have an epiphany in real life

[Emilia]

True. You hope though at some point if the same points are repeated enough times by enough people, at some point he'll have an epiphany in real life

 

Oh absolutely but not everyone has the same attitude to life, not everyone truly wants to better themselves. For some people it's just an outlet for their frustrations, it doesn't mean they want to change their own lives though.

[irc333]

You have A LOT in common, but they aren't physically attracted.

 

I know with a lot of the posts recently, people having issues meeting people is hard enough as it is.

 

But don't you hate it when....you finally meet someone who has a lot in common with you, like kayaking, hiking, video games, Sci-fi....even similar belief and political affiliations.

 

Great, you can talk 3 hours straight about what outdoor stores and brands you like, however, if he/she doesn't find you remotely attractive or at least meet their physical criteria.

 

Agreed? OR, can you balance the two, and with SO much in common, can you over look physical appearances??

[iris219]

What would the outcome be if you met a woman you had a lot in common with but whom you had zero physical attraction to?

[Emilia]

Agreed? OR, can you balance the two, and with SO much in common, can you over look physical appearances??

 

Attraction and chemistry are not the same thing as appearances. Some men are very charismatic and come across sexy even when not so good looking. One of my exes was a chubby, short, bald guy but he had the most wicked sense of humour. Chemistry and attraction are complicated things, the brain is the largest sexual organ after all

[irc333]

Attraction and chemistry are not the same thing as appearances. Some men are very charismatic and come across sexy even when not so good looking. One of my exes was a chubby, short, bald guy but he had the most wicked sense of humour. Chemistry and attraction are complicated things, the brain is the largest sexual organ after all

 

VERY good point Emilia, it also sets apart online dating and meeting people face to face.

 

I saw this woman, late 40's very attractive for a woman of her age....explained in a full paragraph, "Listen, we may have a whole lot in common, but if I don't find you attractive, I probably won't reply."

 

The thing is, your chubby short guy....wouldn't not have stood a chance with her if HE had emailed her online.

 

Where as, if she had met him in person, ie through a BBQ party or a friends get together....he probably would've won over the athletic, 40- something woman with a body of a 20 year old. LOL

[Oxy Moronovich]

You only get friendzoned if you let it happen.

 

Women are never attracted to a man intellectually. They are only attracted to a man emotionally. When will you dudes learn this?

[iris219]

VERY good point Emilia, it also sets apart online dating and meeting people face to face.

 

I saw this woman, late 40's very attractive for a woman of her age....explained in a full paragraph, "Listen, we may have a whole lot in common, but if I don't find you attractive, I probably won't reply."

 

The thing is, your chubby short guy....wouldn't not have stood a chance with her if HE had emailed her online.

 

Where as, if she had met him in person, ie through a BBQ party or a friends get together....he probably would've won over the athletic, 40- something woman with a body of a 20 year old. LOL

 

I'm not trying to mean because I like you, but your posts are come off as superficial. You've claimed to not be superficial, but you're always commenting about hot women with tight bodies, not average women with a few extra pounds. You showed me a pic of a woman once who you considered cute-average and she was very pretty--nowhere near average at all. And that's fine, but expect more rejections if you're only going after very attractive women.

 

Why do you think all these hot women should date men they don't find attractive? It's great that some chubby guys and some hot women end up together and have good relationships, but I feel like you think this should be the norm--a hot girl for every chubby guy. It doesn't work like that.

 

You didn't answer my question: Would you date a woman you had things in common with, but who you weren't attracted to at all?

[irc333]

I think you cannot judge me on those posts alone. I actually thought that woman was average cute....Believe me, I've seen women a LOT more attractive than that woman I just posted.

 

She was cute, but not a 9 or 10. She kind of reminded me of Flo from the Progressive commercials....just that ...average or slightly above average.

 

Perhaps it was a bad example, I've even considered chunky women that I thought were attractive.

 

But no, I would not date a woman that I had a lot in common with, but would not find attractive.

 

I think that was the point of this whole post.

 

If you were to actually KNOW me, and may have caught my OTHER posts, I'm probably the least superficial of my friends.

 

 

Hell, I have friend that won't date friggin red heads....what the heck kind of logic is that?

 

One time, I was out with a group of people, and one guy was whispering to me, "Man, look at all the fat women here"

 

And I didn't really see any fat women.

 

Believe me, if you were to know me personally....I'm far from shallow. LOL To think I'm shallow is rather alien to me. I've pursued reasonably attractive women, than those WAY up there on the scale of attraction.

 

I'm not trying to mean because I like you, but your posts are come off as superficial. You've claimed to not be superficial, but you're always commenting about hot women with tight bodies, not average women with a few extra pounds. You showed me a pic of a woman once who you considered cute-average and she was very pretty--nowhere near average at all. And that's fine, but expect more rejections if you're only going after very attractive women.

 

Why do you think all these hot women should date men they don't find attractive? It's great that some chubby guys and some hot women end up together and have good relationships, but I feel like you think this should be the norm--a hot girl for every chubby guy. It doesn't work like that.

 

You didn't answer my question: Would you date a woman you had things in common with, but who you weren't attracted to at all?

[jobaba]

What would the outcome be if you met a woman you had a lot in common with but whom you had zero physical attraction to?

 

In a practical sense, that would be very unlikely to happen.

[iris219]

In a practical sense, that would be very unlikely to happen.

 

It sounds like you're saying men can get it up for women they aren't attracted to.

 

That's reassuring.

[jobaba]

It sounds like you're saying men can get it up for women they aren't attracted to.

 

That's reassuring.

 

Hmmm.

 

That's not what I was saying at all.

 

I'm saying I find most women physically attractive. If I had a lot in common with them, that would only augment their attractiveness.

 

So, there would be a low probability that someone in my age range that I had a lot in common with would be completely physically unattractive.

 

But I know most people don't have near as broad of a physical attractiveness range.

[Casablanca]

It sounds like you're saying men can get it up for women they aren't attracted to.

 

That's reassuring.

He might be saying that men won't really get to know a female unless they are some what attracted to them

[somedude81]

What would the outcome be if you met a woman you had a lot in common with but whom you had zero physical attraction to?

The thing is, if a woman is at least decent looking, a man can become attracted to her. We all know that women don't work that way.

 

Men really aren't that picky about looks.

[Oxy Moronovich]

It sounds like you're saying men can get it up for women they aren't attracted to.

 

That's reassuring.

Not only is it reassuring, it's also reality. It's been this way since Adam and Eve.

[Emilia]

He might be saying that men won't really get to know a female unless they are some what attracted to them

 

This is what I have seen. Men treat women they find pretty very differently from those they don't. (and vice versa too of course)

[kaylan]

Physical attraction is just as important as everything else that makes a relationship tick. So without it, no things wont go well.

 

Im crushing on a girl at the moment, and while the physical attraction is there, and we do laugh and have fun as friends, Im not sure we have enough in common in other areas to make things work.

 

So all in all, making a relationship work is about many things.

The thing is, if a woman is at least decent looking, a man can become attracted to her. We all know that women don't work that way.

 

Men really aren't that picky about looks.

False.

 

Plenty of women have fallen for guys they werent too initially attracted to.

[Els]

It goes without saying that if there is literally zero physical attraction, nothing will come of it. This goes for both men and women. It isn't that difficult to grasp. Most people go for a balance between physical attraction and mental compatibility. It's usually possible to have both.

 

The thing is, if a woman is at least decent looking, a man can become attracted to her. We all know that women don't work that way.

 

Men really aren't that picky about looks.

 

I think she said zero physical attraction. So, in your case, perhaps the woman has A cup breasts, boy-cut hair and is black, but you both have plenty of common interests. Do you think you could 'become' attracted to her? 'Decent looking' is really quite subjective.

[kaylan]

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23850353.jpg

 

For a more comedic take.

 

You only get friendzoned if you let it happen.

 

Women are never attracted to a man intellectually. They are only attracted to a man emotionally. When will you dudes learn this?

Big false.

 

Id like you to meet my ex, so she can tell you differently. Our initial intellectual (mental) attraction is what set things in motion for us.

Edited July 23, 2012 by kaylan

[Imajerk17]

You have A LOT in common, but they aren't physically attracted.

 

I know with a lot of the posts recently, people having issues meeting people is hard enough as it is.

 

But don't you hate it when....you finally meet someone who has a lot in common with you, like kayaking, hiking, video games, Sci-fi....even similar belief and political affiliations.

 

Great, you can talk 3 hours straight about what outdoor stores and brands you like, however, if he/she doesn't find you remotely attractive or at least meet their physical criteria.

 

Agreed? OR, can you balance the two, and with SO much in common, can you over look physical appearances??

 

irc, I've said this to you before--and for some reason you keep ignoring it--but it sounds that either (1) it's the way you are acting with the women around you, or (2) the women in your area are stuck-up/into the bad-boy type of dude you aren't/have a lot of baggage. I suspect it's both and that if you want to date, you need to learn more about attraction, and you need to move to a new area where there are more single women who are open to dating.

 

Talking about hiking/kayaking or whatever other hobby isn't going to make a woman hawt for you champ.

 

EDIT: Emilia nailed it.

Edited July 23, 2012 by Imajerk17

[iris219]

Hmmm.

 

That's not what I was saying at all.

 

I'm saying I find most women physically attractive. If I had a lot in common with them, that would only augment their attractiveness.

 

So, there would be a low probability that someone in my age range that I had a lot in common with would be completely physically unattractive.

 

But I know most people don't have near as broad of a physical attractiveness range.

 

I've noticed that you and I frequently misunderstand each other.

 

The thing is, if a woman is at least decent looking, a man can become attracted to her. We all know that women don't work that way.

 

Men really aren't that picky about looks.

 

Actually, I'd say it's women who work this way. As was noted before, a man isn't even going to bother getting to know a woman he doesn't find attractive; there's no point. Either he's attracted or he isn't. For a woman, other aspects beyond the physical can make her attracted to a man.

 

I feel like men who say they find just about every woman attractive is being dishonest. What they mean is they find most cute women attractive.

[Cracker Jack]

Don't see why some guys want to argue for the sake of it.

 

If a guy meets a woman, has a lot in common with her, and has zero attraction to her, he won't pursue her. Wait, I'm generalizing. Okay, most guys wouldn't pursue her.

 

If a woman meets a guy, has a lot in common with him, and has zero attraction to him, she wouldn't be open to anything more than friendship.

 

There are always exceptions, of course. But if there's no attraction at all, I just don't see how anything can come out of it.

[GoodOnPaper]

You have A LOT in common, but they aren't physically attracted.

 

I know with a lot of the posts recently, people having issues meeting people is hard enough as it is.

 

But don't you hate it when....you finally meet someone who has a lot in common with you, like kayaking, hiking, video games, Sci-fi....even similar belief and political affiliations.

 

Great, you can talk 3 hours straight about what outdoor stores and brands you like, however, if he/she doesn't find you remotely attractive or at least meet their physical criteria.

 

You forgot to add the part where you find out that the girl's physical preference is the polar opposite of you. I've never understood this kind of disconnect -- I ran into it a lot. I guess I'm too much of a like-attracts-like person . . .

[ThaWholigan]

This is what happens when people try to interpret attraction as a logical process .

 

Attraction depends on many different variables at any given series of moments, each taking precedent over the others at significant points. It's unpredictable, irrational and largely emotional. We cannot logically convince ourselves to be attracted to somebody, unless we are an extremely logic based person, and human logic is typically fallible, so very few are that logic based.

 

With the FZ, there may be superficial things in common with each other, but often there could be a fundamental lack of supplementation regarding complementary core values, character traits and, of course, physical attraction. I have encountered so many girls, who like so many different things physically, but typically this is governed by their environment (either they like what is familiar, or the like what is completely different to them), so their demographic is similar. To a large extent, physical attraction can be manipulated, but failing that, your option is to be mentally stimulating.

 

This nearly worked with a friend of mine who I crushed on. I changed my attitude towards her. I was still a friend, but I became a potential interest simply by changing the dynamics of our dialogue slowly.

 

Attraction and chemistry are not the same thing as appearances. Some men are very charismatic and come across sexy even when not so good looking. One of my exes was a chubby, short, bald guy but he had the most wicked sense of humour. Chemistry and attraction are complicated things, the brain is the largest sexual organ after all

 

This is correct, although there will be a large subset of women who are physically inclined. Coming across as sexy is not monopolized by the conventionally good-looking - it's a skill that covers advanced verbal reasoning and seduction, body language and movement, vitality, and emotional intelligence - amongst other things. So bear in mind that likely physical attraction can be manipulated in your favor, but there are other variables to attraction that hold just as much weight, if not more.

[Imajerk17]

Let me explain what I mean.

 

Suppose I meet a girl whom I "have a lot in common with" but I'm not physically attracted to her. So I will talk to her about hiking. We'll talk about the different trails, the relative merits of each one, and so on. And then we'll move on to what type of shape you have to be in and we'll compare exercise routines. And then maybe we'll move back to discussing our favorite hiking gear. Keep the conversation nice and logical and viola! A one-way ticket to the friendzone.

 

Now suppose I meet a girl who I AM attracted to. We might start talking about hiking, but then I will tell her a crazy story of "this one time I went hiking..." She might then tell me about some of her crazy stories. Then we'll move on to other topics, like our friends, adventures we want to go on, and so forth.

 

See the difference?