Age difference... does it matter for guys ?

[Els]

Wish I could agree, but the country I am from, there are countless stories of women hooked up by Muslim men who treat them well, shower them with gifts and fancy words and after they get married they literally convert them into a slave. A 180 degree change in attitude.

 

In many of the those cases they are locked in the houses, threaten with death, getting beaten, etc etc. And ALL of these women tell the same story, how he was nice to them at first, how they connected, how happy they were, no fights, lots of promises of happy ending only to end up as a child maker machine.

 

There's actually an organization here that helps free those women and hide them after, because they if they are found, they are shot dead.

 

And from what I read, this guy is fairly into his religion.

 

As I said, I know several Muslim couples in which the man treats his wife well.

 

Immediately assuming that someone is bad because there are ******* extremists in his religion is just asinine. It's one thing if you prefer someone of a similar religion due to compatibility issues, that's completely understandable. To make a blanket judgement of character based on that, though, is plain ignorant.

 

Regardless, the situation you describe is unlikely to happen to the OP. In countries where women actually have legally equal rights, there are countless options for a woman who is mistreated in a marriage. They can flee, get the law involved, get protection, get a divorce. Most slave-marriages happen in countries where that isn't the case, where the men do not need to fear legal consequences. It's also unlikely that a man that highly-educated who lived in the UK most of his life would believe that he could possibly pull that sort of thing off and get away from the law unscathed. Possible, but unlikely.

[WhyWontYouBe]

As I said, I know several Muslim couples in which the man treats his wife well.

 

Immediately assuming that someone is bad because there are ******* extremists in his religion is just asinine. It's one thing if you prefer someone of a similar religion due to compatibility issues, that's completely understandable. To make a blanket judgement of character based on that, though, is plain ignorant.

 

Regardless, the situation you describe is unlikely to happen to the OP. In countries where women actually have legally equal rights, there are countless options for a woman who is mistreated in a marriage. They can flee, get the law involved, get protection, get a divorce. Most slave-marriages happen in countries where that isn't the case, where the men do not need to fear legal consequences. It's also unlikely that a man that highly-educated who lived in the UK most of his life would believe that he could possibly pull that sort of thing off and get away from the law unscathed. Possible, but unlikely.

My country has equal rights for both genders and it's one of the most developed countries in the world. Those Muslims I spoke of are the minority, a big minority though. And they pray on women of not their religion because they are considered inferior, maybe that is why they end up treating them like slaves. Doesn't justify it though, because I do know they treat their Muslim wifes (yeah, plural) ok.

[Els]

If you know that they beat their wives, threaten them with death, etc, and your country affords women equal rights, why are you not lodging a police report?

[WhyWontYouBe]

If you know that they beat their wives, threaten them with death, etc, and your country affords women equal rights, why are you not lodging a police report?

 

People used to, but they live in big communities of their own and so the police is to scared to go there. And you can't really turn the army against your own citizens, as despicable as they may be.

[Kamila]

Aww that's sweet.

 

Did you thank him yet? You must've stopped breathing the whole time he was doing that. I cannot imagine having the guy I'm infatuated with massaging my shoulder. That'd be something.

 

I was literally blown away, I was thinking the whole time 'Is this really happening ? Is he really putting his hands on my shoulders and back ?'

 

Today, I 'confronted' him and asked him about the massage.

He told me that he saw that I was stressed and he wanted to relieve me off of some tension.

Then I told him that I was surprised and all. And that I didn't expect it at all.

Then he said that he massaged another guy colleague and he thought that it would be okay.

 

Awkward moment. I didn't know what to say, he just kept staring at me with puppy eyes and yes, I just smiled.

 

I stayed in for lunch and I thought he would go eat outside, but no, he came back and ate with me, we talked a lot.

Phew.

I thought I hurt his feelings or something.

He even got me a glass of water.

 

Then in the evening, I tried showing him I'm not made of stone.

And I said: 'If you really want to succeed your massage, use your thumbs more '

Hehe... he proposed I gave him a demo, then I said that we're at the office and yeah, it's a bit inappropriate...

 

About the religion thing:

That's what is scarying me the most.

What if he's just putting up some facade ? I really don't know ...

But I also don't want to judge him and think that all muslims are like that...

[Kamila]

Okay, it's been a week since we've shared the cubicle together and all alone.

 

After the massage thing, I tried talking to him, but he kept blowing it off while laughing awkwardly.

Of course he won't admit things/feelings to me.

 

Luckily he didn't take it badly that I questioned him like a policewoman.

To do some damage control, I gave him pointers to perfectionate his massage skills.

I even got the intention that he's moving closer to me when I'm feeling weaker.

Asking me if I'm okay. Why is he asking that ? What ?

 

I don't get guys...

 

Nevertheless, we get along very well. We sometimes have our pause moments. Meaning we're not clinging to each other, but giving each other breathing space.

 

Like today we went out to lunch, he barely looked at me, he didn't talk to me.

It's like he doesn't want people to know, I don't know... he's different ...

 

He only did one thing that made me wondering. He stood in front of me, breaking my passage to the restaurant.

It was like he wanted me to follow him and go sit next to him.

 

There are no words, only actions...

 

Today I didn't wanted to go home.

 

I'm wondering how long this charade will go on ...

[ladyabstrused]

I stayed in for lunch and I thought he would go eat outside, but no, he came back and ate with me, we talked a lot.

Phew.

I thought I hurt his feelings or something.

He even got me a glass of water.

 

Then in the evening, I tried showing him I'm not made of stone.

And I said: 'If you really want to succeed your massage, use your thumbs more '

Hehe... he proposed I gave him a demo, then I said that we're at the office and yeah, it's a bit inappropriate...

 

It does seem that he is fairly, if not much, interested in spending time with you..and that would only mean one thing right? That he's into you. But with all the other things that he did or said makes it really mixed. Maybe he's the kind who would do these things out of casual reasons? Because I don't know, it seems to be going on for quite some time now and he hasn't made a move, has he?

 

About the religion thing:

That's what is scarying me the most.

What if he's just putting up some facade ? I really don't know ...

But I also don't want to judge him and think that all muslims are like that...

 

Yeah it's good to be cautious and be careful. And it's also good not to judge someone based on their religion, I personally think because religion doesn't characterise every human being to be the same.

 

Okay, it's been a week since we've shared the cubicle together and all alone.

 

I'm guessing you're enjoying this very much.

 

I even got the intention that he's moving closer to me when I'm feeling weaker.

Asking me if I'm okay. Why is he asking that ? What ?

 

I don't get guys...

 

I don't get guys either lol. Maybe he is starting to bring his guard down slowly? It can be anything, maybe he is starting to be more and more interested and can't help himself with that.

 

Nevertheless, we get along very well. We sometimes have our pause moments. Meaning we're not clinging to each other, but giving each other breathing space.

 

That is a good thing. Balance.

 

Like today we went out to lunch, he barely looked at me, he didn't talk to me.

It's like he doesn't want people to know, I don't know... he's different ...

 

He only did one thing that made me wondering. He stood in front of me, breaking my passage to the restaurant.

It was like he wanted me to follow him and go sit next to him.

 

There are no words, only actions...

 

Today I didn't wanted to go home.

 

I'm wondering how long this charade will go on ...

 

I am wondering too. Maybe it is time for you to say something or make the move? Or you'll be wondering forever cos we don't know for how long this will continue. By the time you feel it's time for you to say something, something else could have happened...maybe another girl he's interested in who probably made the first move or I don't know, it can be anything that happens and what happens could change the whole situation.

 

You seem to like him a lot and he seems quite interested though giving mixed signals I guess...I'd say if you wanna stop wondering and know when this charade will end, then you have to take that step.

 

But it all depends on what you would like to do really...what do you want to do next? Keep it this way and continue wondering in the unknown? Or take that step, see the outcome, deal with it how it is and move on with life however or whichever life takes you from your decision.

[Kamila]

I am wondering too. Maybe it is time for you to say something or make the move? Or you'll be wondering forever cos we don't know for how long this will continue. By the time you feel it's time for you to say something, something else could have happened...maybe another girl he's interested in who probably made the first move or i don't know, it can be anything that happens and what happens could change the whole situation.

 

You seem to like him a lot and he seems quite interested though giving mixed signals i guess...i'd say if you wanna stop wondering and know when this charade will end, then you have to take that step.

 

But it all depends on what you would like to do really...what do you want to do next? Keep it this way and continue wondering in the unknown? Or take that step, see the outcome, deal with it how it is and move on with life however or whichever life takes you from your decision.

 

I tried to make a move, well he made a move by massaging my shoulders. I just ruined the moment by questioning him about it. I shouldn't have done it, I know. But then again, it doesn't seem to stop him. He's still very keen to have me around. But only when it suits him, not when there are others. It's maybe typical male behavior ? I work in a practically all male environment.

 

That's what I'm most afraid of lady, that he starts a new relationship with another girl. And that I will be out of the picture because he's dating.

We talked about what we were going to do during the weekend. He told me that it will be a very calm weekend, staying at home and all. I told him the same.

 

The bigger problem is the go-live of our project next week. I'm the main manager of the project and he's the main programmer of the system.

It's going to be a very stressful period and I don't think either of us is daring to jeopardize this project due to our feelings for each other.

Well, determining if he has feelings for me has not yet been cleared out yet. And even if he does, will he act on them ? Will he mix work with private ?

 

So yeah, for the moment I can't do anything. Not because I don't want to, but because the risk is too high. And like you said, now we have balance.

 

I'll have to reassess in a couple of weeks. And if he's seeing someone else by then, it will be my loss.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't necessarily agree with your last statement... it could be far more his loss than yours....

What's more, although it's the bad news that gets the press (good Islamic relationships rarely make news) and many negative matters go unreported, this may be blowing the entire situation of having a relationship with a Muslim, out of proportion.

i'd just refer you to my PM to you....

[ladyabstrused]

I tried to make a move, well he made a move by massaging my shoulders. I just ruined the moment by questioning him about it. I shouldn't have done it, I know. But then again, it doesn't seem to stop him. He's still very keen to have me around. But only when it suits him, not when there are others. It's maybe typical male behavior ? I work in a practically all male environment.

 

That's what I'm most afraid of lady, that he starts a new relationship with another girl. And that I will be out of the picture because he's dating.

We talked about what we were going to do during the weekend. He told me that it will be a very calm weekend, staying at home and all. I told him the same.

 

The bigger problem is the go-live of our project next week. I'm the main manager of the project and he's the main programmer of the system.

It's going to be a very stressful period and I don't think either of us is daring to jeopardize this project due to our feelings for each other.

Well, determining if he has feelings for me has not yet been cleared out yet. And even if he does, will he act on them ? Will he mix work with private ?

 

So yeah, for the moment I can't do anything. Not because I don't want to, but because the risk is too high. And like you said, now we have balance.

 

I'll have to reassess in a couple of weeks. And if he's seeing someone else by then, it will be my loss.

 

I don't think it'll be a loss. I think it'll be a learning experience for you to take away with you. Don't worry too much though, just be yourself.

[Kamila]

Thanks lady and TM, I needed that ego boost.

 

Tomorrow starts a new week of 'alone at the office with your crush'.

[Kamila]

A little update:

 

Monday evening, my coworker asked me about that cupcake thingie.

 

I thought he forgot about it, we didn't talk about it for the whole week.

 

So he asked me if we could go eat them friday after work.

 

We even didn't look at each other when we set up a date.

 

Awkward !

 

Ehe...

[Shaun-Dro]

Well, here's the story. I'm so confused right now, because I never thought I would be posting something like this here.

I was mainly on the break-up and coping section and yeah getting over my heartbreak until I meet someone else...

 

He's a guy from work I've meet a month ago and we work on the same project.

He's 27 and I'm 30. At first he thought I was younger than him but I said I wasn't (without telling him how old I really am).

I know 3 years of difference isn't much.

 

But for you guys ? Is that a problem ?

 

He doesn't know and he's flirting like crazy with me. What should I do ?

 

He once texted me when I was sick and he wished me to get well soon.

And when we go out with the colleagues he's like super enthusiastic around me.

Today was really the icing on the cake, we went to a restaurant with the colleagues and on our way back to the office we kind of grew away from the group.

We talked about what we were going to do in the weekend, about general stuff.

He also slowed his pace just to talk more with me...

 

So confused here ... I'm here with a big grin on my face I can't wash away

 

Age difference should never matter to a man if he's into you. Any guy that fusses over a woman being younger than him is insecure and you do not need someone like that in your life, period. Younger women are much more fun without the usual hangups of older women. I've known this for years.

[TaraMaiden]

Shaun-Dro, Have you read the whole thread? there's a lot more to this than meets the eye....

[Lil1]

DANG! I just skimmed through 9 friggin pages of this and still no kiss?! I feel dooped.

 

get on with it already!!

[ladyabstrused]

A little update:

 

Monday evening, my coworker asked me about that cupcake thingie.

 

I thought he forgot about it, we didn't talk about it for the whole week.

 

So he asked me if we could go eat them friday after work.

 

We even didn't look at each other when we set up a date.

 

Awkward !

 

Ehe...

 

Aww that's sweet. Good luck!

[Kamila]

I have news:

 

we kissed.

[ladyabstrused]

I have news:

 

we kissed.

 

*jumps for joy!!!*

 

Yay! *hugsss* That's awesome! Details??

[Kamila]

Of course ! HUGS !

 

Well, friday after work, we went to eat our cupcakes. We stayed there for 2 hours. He showed me some movies they were playing at the theatre.

And he asked me to see a certain romantic movie. Then he put his hand on my arm. My head was spinning and I couldn't say a word anymore.

Luckily after some time we managed to keep some level of conversation going.

 

Oh yes by the way, the cupcakes were great, very smooth in the mouth.

 

So after we left the place, that's were it started.

We stood outside on the road talking.

Well he kept talking about the barriere between friendship and colleagues and how sometimes you should keep your distance.

And I asked him, "well, you've invited me to see a movie, that's not really keeping your distance eh...".

 

Then he admitted that he didn't know what to do and neither did I.

So he told me that he would like to have some kind of friendship level with me.

I agreed, I told him that I find him a very nice guy and that I would like to be his friend.

 

So after an hour we went to his car cos he wanted to drop me off to my car.

We continued the conversation in the car.

I told him, "let's put our cards on the table, cos I'm a bit confused and I never been in a situation like this before."

Mixing work and private life is something that I've never seen before. He agreed then he told me that he found me 'interesting, mature, cute, ehehe'.

I kept blushing and we were really yeah flirting and wondering how we were gonna cope.

He said, "we're resisting to kiss each other eh, so it's up to you if you want to do the work/private life thing, which can be hard...

But then again, maybe it's faith that put us together at work, how would we have otherwise meet ?"

 

So, then we kept holding hands and doubting if we should go ahead with it.

He kept looking at me and he said he wants a serious relationship and something to build upon.

I asked him if he was waiting for me to give it a 'go' and he said 'yes, i'm all go if you are...'.

I used the scene of the movie of contact with jodie foster when she was ready to go but no one was hearing her except for the blind guy .... hehe, he knew what it meant...

 

Then it got all blurry and we kissed and hugged like crazy... :love:

 

Monday we'll have to pretend at work, I hope we manage to do that, we don't really have a choice eh ?

 

Nevertheless,

 

I'M SO HAPPY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :love::D:bunny::love:

[ladyabstrused]

Kamila!!! I am smiling like a crazy girl here, I'm so happy for you, you've no idea!! That is so sweet.

 

I'm glad that you managed to be honest with him about the work/private life situation and I'm so glad that he had spoken up about his feelings towards you as well. Hehehe.

 

:D:D:D

Exciting! This thread has now become a whole new topic - Kamila's love story.

[TaraMaiden]

I have news:

 

we kissed.

 

:bunny: FINALLY - !!!!! :bunny:

[Kamila]

Today we went to the movies.

 

I still can't believe that we're a couple.

 

[ladyabstrused]

Today we went to the movies.

 

I still can't believe that we're a couple.

 

 

*multiple likes this*

 

:D

So happy for you!

[TaraMaiden]

Today we went to the movies.

 

I still can't believe that we're a couple.

 

You are most definitely, finally, a couple.

 

 

*multiple likes this*

 

:D

So happy for you!

Just thought i'd multiple like for you.....

[Kamila]

:love:

 

Thanks girls *Hugs