Age difference... does it matter for guys ?

[Kamila]

During lunch, I got bored, so I told my colleagues that I'm gonna go for a little walk in the sun.

 

My 'friend' came with me and I told him I would like to go sit in the sun.

 

' Then lets grab some coffee together, I know a great place...'

 

Me: 'Okay...'

 

So, we were together sipping a cappuccino in the sun and he paid for mine.

We talked about work.

 

I gave him my cookie because I'm not eating sugar during the week.

He told me I have a nice figure.

 

Eh ...

 

Did we have a date ?

[TaraMaiden]

Oh good grief......!

 

ASK HIM!!

this is 3 pages and honestly?

2 of them are unnecessary.

you really do need to take the intiative, otherwise this is going to run longer than Guiding Light....

Edited May 14, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[Kamila]

NO !

 

This situation is way too good to be true.

 

I was losing hope and walking away and he followed me and took action.

 

That's my kind of man !

 

When we returned to the office, he kept flirting with me and held me back, hehe,

 

I just smiled and went to my cubicle. Oh my...

 

That is courting no ? And we're colleagues, so it's kind of delicate here.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, at this rate, he's going to lose interest, or we are.

call me when we get to the episode when you guys first kiss.

 

I should be just about using a zimmer frame by then....

 

[Professor X]

Well, at this rate, he's going to lose interest, or we are.

call me when we get to the episode when you guys first kiss.

I lost interest already. And you're right, sooner or later, one of them will lose interest. You can already see how Kamila is coming up with doubts: "Today, he was hesistant to greet me, he even didn't look at me. " - from an earlier post.

[Kamila]

No, but wait a minute here.

 

The fact that we took a lunchbreak together, just the two of us is a big step.

 

We can't just skip all the dating phases and make out now ?

 

My feelings for him didn't change at all, I was just hesistant for as he felt the same way about me or not.

And we are colleagues, we can't just take that risk.

 

If we were friends outside, then sure, I would take that risk. But this is different. We're at the office. It's much more delicate.

 

And I bet he had/has the same doubts about me for a long time.

 

I'm just saying that us sharing a coffee is maybe a small thing, but holds a great significance.

[TaraMaiden]

No, but wait a minute here.

 

The fact that we took a lunchbreak together, just the two of us is a big step.

no it isn't, it's a tiny micro-step...It's like you're edging forward centimetre by centimetre....

 

We can't just skip all the dating phases and make out now ?

But you're not in 'dating phase'! you're still tentatively groping in the dark and missing the mark by miles... you're dancing around this and nowhere near dating yet!

 

My feelings for him didn't change at all, I was just hesistant for as he felt the same way about me or not.

And we are colleagues, we can't just take that risk.

Why not?

is there a written company policy that stipulates colleagues may not date?

 

If we were friends outside, then sure, I would take that risk. But this is different. We're at the office. It's much more delicate.

I doubt it - I bet all your colleagues are watching this and wondering when you two are finally going to do something - even you complained, on the 6th, (post #21) that this was taking so long, you thought your head would explode!

 

And I bet he had/has the same doubts about me for a long time.

i bet you're making assumptions which are probably completely unfounded....

 

I'm just saying that us sharing a coffee is maybe a small thing, but holds a great significance

 

This has been going on since the back end of April. that's 17 days ago.

in 17 days, my H. and I had decided we wanted to be together and get married.

That was 8 years ago.

 

what the hell is keeping you girl??

[melodymatters]

I seldom feel like I have the " perfect qualifications" for anything, but this, OH BOY DO I !!!!!!

 

I met my current husband at work and he is a lot younger than me. We did the flirtatious chit chat thing you guys are doing, and then *Gasp* I asked if he wanted to stop by my place after work for a drink. ( I happened to live nearly next door, otherwise I would have suggested a restaurant/bar/cafe.

 

We watched a movie, ordered pizza and had a ball, we were feeling each other out outside of work.

 

He IS shy, he never in a million years would have thought that "the hot, older blonde chick" would be interested . He said the ballsiest thing he ever did in his life was start calling me "gorgeous" at work as in " Hello Gorgeous" and I'd answer " Hey there handsome" and he would arrange to be near me when he could, and that was as much a move as he was comfortable with, so hell, someone had to take the reigns.

 

SO, we texted back and forth, hung out at work more, and the next weekend, I invited him over again. He was nervous, and honestly so was I, but I have had 100% success rate with two words : " Kiss me !".

 

I don't want to reveal how fast we moved from there ( FAST !) and how big the age difference is ( larger than I would have imagined was feasible)

 

But we basically moved in together and got married in a short span and things have been BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT for our eight months so far of marriage !

 

GO FOR IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:bunny:

 

*Note to address Taramaidens concerns re; caregiving. My last husband was also younger, developed serious epilepsy after we married, and I became HIS caregiver until he died at 25 yrs old. My family lives for F*cking ever, parents 65, and 70 with no meds, and my grands died in their 90's in their chairs, like the Italian kings and queens they thought they were, lol ! There are no guarantees in life.....................

[ladyabstrused]

Go for it Kamila! This opportunity may not last long - who knows. But it's here, right here right now, life's too short to drag this out! It's pretty obvious that the both of you are interested in each other, just waiting for someone to make the move and he's not making it, you make it girl!

[Kamila]

I appreciate all the advice here guys.

 

I'm also frustrated you know, I cried at the office today 'cos I couldn't take it anymore.

 

But they're has been progress, we're texting now, we never did that before.

 

I know it's crap.

[ladyabstrused]

So Kamila, you stopped updating us about what's happening with your friend. You guys started texting? That's a good start there isn't it? Hope it's all going on well for the both of you. Any juicy updates yet?

[Els]

This thread isn't reaaaaaally about age differences, is it?

 

Yes, there are plenty of people, usually of younger ages or more traditional cultures, who do the 'courting dance'. Hedging around, subtle signs, progressing to lunch together and texting... that's all fine if you both are on the same page about it and just enjoying the journey and taking it slow. Not so fine if you're agonizing over it like you are. Either you learn to enjoy the pace or you take the initiative to speed it up. It's on you.

[HeavenOrHell]

My partner is 7 years younger and it's not an issue, we don't feel there's an age difference, my ex was 4 years younger than me.

 

3 years is nothing, not sure what the problem is? Go for it, enjoy it, life's too short!

 

I've not read the rest of the thread, maybe it says more there, hope things are going well.

 

 

Well, here's the story. I'm so confused right now, because I never thought I would be posting something like this here.

I was mainly on the break-up and coping section and yeah getting over my heartbreak until I meet someone else...

 

He's a guy from work I've meet a month ago and we work on the same project.

He's 27 and I'm 30. At first he thought I was younger than him but I said I wasn't (without telling him how old I really am).

I know 3 years of difference isn't much.

 

But for you guys ? Is that a problem ?

 

He doesn't know and he's flirting like crazy with me. What should I do ?

 

He once texted me when I was sick and he wished me to get well soon.

And when we go out with the colleagues he's like super enthusiastic around me.

Today was really the icing on the cake, we went to a restaurant with the colleagues and on our way back to the office we kind of grew away from the group.

We talked about what we were going to do in the weekend, about general stuff.

He also slowed his pace just to talk more with me...

 

So confused here ... I'm here with a big grin on my face I can't wash away

[Kamila]

Hey ladyabstrused, thx for your concern.

 

Yes, I have texted him in the evening about the coffee he offered me during working hours. He texted immediately with 'no problem'.

He also texted he laughed a lot with the videos I sent him. And he ended the text with 'good evening'.

 

I never took initiative with a man before. This is the first time.

I'm kind of a shy girl and yeah he is shy too. So someone has to take the lead, and he kindly follows...

 

Sure there is tension in the air, but I don't want to blow it by being impulsive.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's like a delicate flower I don't want to crush. Maybe he feels the same way who knows.

He's happy when he sees me, asks me about my weekends and we get on really well.

 

Also I wanted to let this thing rest for awhile and reaffirm the feelings I have for this guy. Is it just a crush or really 'falling in love'.

We didn't see each other for 4 days and today he came into my office with a big smile and asked me tons of things, I just laughed silly.

 

It's hinting towards the 'falling in love' and I just want to take things slow. If he really is into me, he'll also follow this pace.

We're really evolving as close friends and I appreciate what we have.

 

I'll keep you updated :-)

 

Yes, this thread has evolved from 'age differences' to 'is he really into me and how to proceed when you have feelings for someone...'

It's still in the thread of 'friends and lovers' .

 

I'm not really agonizing, just having a really hard time controlling hormones .

 

PS: I forgot to mention that he's from a different culture and yeah, that's kind of delicate.

Secundo, we're at the office, and that makes it twice as hard and difficult to share private emotions.

[ladyabstrused]

I never took initiative with a man before. This is the first time.

I'm kind of a shy girl and yeah he is shy too. So someone has to take the lead, and he kindly follows...

 

Me neither lol. So I cannot even imagine what it's like to take the first step. Me and my SO before would always argue about this, because most times it seems like he wants me to take the first step and I felt like it was my shyness that was causing us such problems, but for a period of time I felt like it was all right to be shy and reserved when I want to be. I guess I'm just very old-school, prefer to have the guys lead and make the first move.

 

Sure there is tension in the air, but I don't want to blow it by being impulsive.

Maybe I'm wrong, but it's like a delicate flower I don't want to crush. Maybe he feels the same way who knows.

He's happy when he sees me, asks me about my weekends and we get on really well.

 

Also I wanted to let this thing rest for awhile and reaffirm the feelings I have for this guy. Is it just a crush or really 'falling in love'.

We didn't see each other for 4 days and today he came into my office with a big smile and asked me tons of things, I just laughed silly.

 

It's hinting towards the 'falling in love' and I just want to take things slow. If he really is into me, he'll also follow this pace.

We're really evolving as close friends and I appreciate what we have.

 

I guess I can kind of understand why you wanna take this slow. It's such an exciting stage that you don't want to stop it or ruin it by going too fast. You just want to enjoy these moments. Though some would say you're losing the opportunity or whatever it is, I guess you know best what it feels like and I guess it's always best to do what you feel most comfortable doing.

 

PS: I forgot to mention that he's from a different culture and yeah, that's kind of delicate.

Secundo, we're at the office, and that makes it twice as hard and difficult to share private emotions.

 

That makes it even more interesting, doesn't it? The fact that they come from a different culture, how they're just different and unique.

 

I'm glad you're feeling happy at least. At least there's some slow progress going and nothing negative has happened. Hopefully it continues on this way!

[TaraMaiden]

Ah....

"Culture".

Yeah, that can put a different slant on things, you're right....

 

Care to elaborate?

just so's we can get an accurate image and not say something stupid on any "d'uh!" level.....

 

Here's a slightly amusing thought... have you considered sending him a valentine's card with "Sorry it's late!"....?

[Kamila]

Ah....

"Culture".

Yeah, that can put a different slant on things, you're right....

 

Care to elaborate?

just so's we can get an accurate image and not say something stupid on any "d'uh!" level.....

 

Here's a slightly amusing thought... have you considered sending him a valentine's card with "Sorry it's late!"....?

 

Thanks ladyabstrused. Really taking it slow is sometimes the best you can do.

 

Yes, I forgot to tell you guys that he's a muslim.

And I don't quite know how they perceive the dating thing.

Maybe the second that you date him, you're considered engaged, and who knows married.

That's why I'm very cautious.

 

And since today, he's been trying real hard to talk to me, he's really pushing I think. Or being over-friendly ?

 

At lunch, there was a new guy and he asked us both about our status.

We both answered 'single'. I tried to eat and almost choke on a piece of meat.

It's starting to feel uncomfortable.

[ladyabstrused]

Thanks ladyabstrused. Really taking it slow is sometimes the best you can do.

 

Yes, I forgot to tell you guys that he's a muslim.

And I don't quite know how they perceive the dating thing.

Maybe the second that you date him, you're considered engaged, and who knows married.

That's why I'm very cautious.

 

And since today, he's been trying real hard to talk to me, he's really pushing I think. Or being over-friendly ?

 

At lunch, there was a new guy and he asked us both about our status.

We both answered 'single'. I tried to eat and almost choke on a piece of meat.

It's starting to feel uncomfortable.

 

It depends, is he a very staunch muslim? I realise that in many religions, people tend to have different practices. Like some staunch muslims, they don't even date because they consider it a sin. I have a friend like this. She doesn't believe in dating all because religion says a woman is not to communicate with a man not of her bloodline because it's a sin. But yet, she does talk to other males.

 

I'm guessing that if he does show some signs of interest and talks to you...he probably isn't really that staunch? Best thing to do is, to ask him about it. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with finding out more about someone's culture and background, right? That'll give you more topics of discussion with him.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, first of all, you have to find out how connected to his faith he is.

i know some Muslims who will happily drink, socialise and not be too devout - and others, at the end of the scale, pray 5 times a day, never drink, smoke and observe Ramadan with fervour....

There seems to be a stricter code within Islam than there is within Christianity, for example....

Then you need to research the religion itself, because with regard to inter-cultural marriages, there may be an expectation for those marrying someone of that faith, to convert.

 

That's w.a.a.a.a.a.y jumping the gun, I know, but fore-warned, is forearmed.....

 

I hate to say it, but part of his hesitancy may indeed be "Can or should I really do this?"

 

just found this for you.....

Edited May 21, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[Kamila]

Thanks for the link TaraMaiden, I also PM'ed you.

[TaraMaiden]

back atcha....

[Kamila]

It depends, is he a very staunch muslim? I realise that in many religions, people tend to have different practices. Like some staunch muslims, they don't even date because they consider it a sin. I have a friend like this. She doesn't believe in dating all because religion says a woman is not to communicate with a man not of her bloodline because it's a sin. But yet, she does talk to other males.

 

I'm guessing that if he does show some signs of interest and talks to you...he probably isn't really that staunch? Best thing to do is, to ask him about it. I mean, I don't see anything wrong with finding out more about someone's culture and background, right? That'll give you more topics of discussion with him.

 

I know he doesn't eat pork, only halal meat. He's very cautious about it. He also doesn't drink nor smoke.

Today, a new colleague dragged out of us that we're both single.

Awkward again.

 

You're right, the moment he talked to me he was super enthusiastic. So much, that I was at lost of words.

Then to save the moment he said: oh well, we're gonna see each other later on eh !

Then at lunch, he didn't forget and talked again about what we were talking.

I thought at some point that it was er... exaggerating ? Anyways,

I think he got tired of his efforts and didn't want to speak that much to me afterwards.

He was also really busy.

And the other side is that we're not alone, we have tons of colleagues around us.

 

I'm going to suggest him a drink after work.

 

Cos I'm fed up of it and he's obviously giving me the right signals. Wish me luck !

[ladyabstrused]

I know he doesn't eat pork, only halal meat. He's very cautious about it. He also doesn't drink nor smoke.

Today, a new colleague dragged out of us that we're both single.

Awkward again.

 

You're right, the moment he talked to me he was super enthusiastic. So much, that I was at lost of words.

Then to save the moment he said: oh well, we're gonna see each other later on eh !

Then at lunch, he didn't forget and talked again about what we were talking.

I thought at some point that it was er... exaggerating ? Anyways,

I think he got tired of his efforts and didn't want to speak that much to me afterwards.

He was also really busy.

And the other side is that we're not alone, we have tons of colleagues around us.

 

I'm going to suggest him a drink after work.

 

Cos I'm fed up of it and he's obviously giving me the right signals. Wish me luck !

 

Good luck on that!

 

I forget though, have you guys ever expressed any liking for each other? I'm really curious now as to what he's thinking from reading about his actions towards you. I'm not experienced in the dating game at all lol but I would think he's interested but something's holding him back?

[Kamila]

Good luck on that!

 

I forget though, have you guys ever expressed any liking for each other? I'm really curious now as to what he's thinking from reading about his actions towards you. I'm not experienced in the dating game at all lol but I would think he's interested but something's holding him back?

 

Actually no, he never said anything. The only thing I can remember is him saying that he was glad that I was part of the team. But that was 2 months ago.

 

His actions speak louder than words here. I remember little things he did for me. Like being polite, considerate, smiling, playfully teasing, being grateful. Sending me a text while I was sick. Buying me coffee. Telling me not to forget my lunch in the refrigerator.

 

I think those are slow steps into trusting someone, and when the other reciprocates, a sort of relationship develops.

Today morning when we got our coffee, I really took the time talking to him. I told him that I know that he has a lot of work and that I noticed. His eyes widened when I told him.

Another colleague looked at me and just smiled. Why was he smiling now.

 

We went out for lunch and we talked about religious stuff. And he asked about my father. More private stuff you know. I think I'm being more at ease with him.

Cos a couple of weeks earlier it was 'hihihi, hahaha...'

 

And the icing on the cake: I asked him for a little break and we went upstairs of the office building. We walked around like little kids, he showed me the movie theatre. Then we went on the roof. The view was magnificent. We didn't want to leave, but anyway, the time with him was great.

 

Yes, the big question is what is holding him back, or what is holding me back ? Primo, we work together and secundo, there are some issues with his religion ... maybe he can't date me. Who knows.

[ladyabstrused]

His actions speak louder than words here. I remember little things he did for me. Like being polite, considerate, smiling, playfully teasing, being grateful. Sending me a text while I was sick. Buying me coffee. Telling me not to forget my lunch in the refrigerator.

 

That's sweet. I would wonder the same thing if a guy does that all for me.

 

I think those are slow steps into trusting someone, and when the other reciprocates, a sort of relationship develops.

Today morning when we got our coffee, I really took the time talking to him. I told him that I know that he has a lot of work and that I noticed. His eyes widened when I told him.

Another colleague looked at me and just smiled. Why was he smiling now.

 

Yeah, those things do somewhat contribute to some trust, in a way, now that you mention it.

 

Well he was smiling cos he knew what was going on in your mind lol.

 

We went out for lunch and we talked about religious stuff. And he asked about my father. More private stuff you know. I think I'm being more at ease with him.

Cos a couple of weeks earlier it was 'hihihi, hahaha...'

 

And the icing on the cake: I asked him for a little break and we went upstairs of the office building. We walked around like little kids, he showed me the movie theatre. Then we went on the roof. The view was magnificent. We didn't want to leave, but anyway, the time with him was great.

 

Yes, the big question is what is holding him back, or what is holding me back ? Primo, we work together and secundo, there are some issues with his religion ... maybe he can't date me. Who knows.

 

Aww that's nice. Isn't it exciting to be spending time with someone you really like even though it makes you wonder what's going on in his mind and heart.

 

Even working together aside, it shouldn't hold him back too much of his feelings towards you or confessing them to you. Don't know if it could just be shyness or religion. Maybe you will find out, sooner or later, since you've already started talking about religion and deeper stuff with him.