Mental block orgasm!

[HellyaImhopeless]

Not saying that that's why he says it, but that's why I did. But anyway, usually when someone down plays a situation it's cause of that, for it to disappear.

I never thought of it that way to be honest. Thanks for opening my eyes to that, and thanks for ALL your posts today lol

[Professor X]

I never thought of it that way to be honest. Thanks for opening my eyes to that, and thanks for ALL your posts today lol

 

Haha, you welcome. It was boring at work, I needed a distraction (I'm home now).

[HellyaImhopeless]

Haha, you welcome. It was boring at work, I needed a distraction (I'm home now).

So you came home, and decided to check this thread again? How sweet I'm going out for my run

[Professor X]

So you came home, and decided to check this thread again? How sweet I'm going out for my run

Hah, yes.... Was curious gotta admit. Good luck with the run! I'll start my sets soon.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I went for a 3 hour run tonight, and guess what, I'm feeling worse than ever. I'm full of negative energy again, sitting crying, feeling lonely and sorry for myself, then I come here to write this as I feel it helps that little bit

[Professor X]

I went for a 3 hour run tonight, and guess what, I'm feeling worse than ever. I'm full of negative energy again, sitting crying, feeling lonely and sorry for myself, then I come here to write this as I feel it helps that little bit

 

It will be worse before it gets better. That's how it is with addiction.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I'm back from vacation/holidays, and I didn't manage not to text him during it. We even "fell out" at one point cos I was going on and on about how he had lead me on and broke my heart, and that he isn't looking for a relationship because I am apparantly needy (he is, and was in previous relationships, and now he is using that as an excuse to why he doesn't want me). I have to say yes I have been needy and asking him about if he is sleeping with someone else because we're not commited to a relationship.

 

I tried to explain to him that if we WERE in a relationship, I wouldn't ask questions if he was with someone else, as I know then it would have been official, and there wouldn't be need for me to ask if he was with anyone else, and he says thats bulls*it, if I cant trust him now, then I wont trust him in a relationship, he said. I feel thats wrong. Now that we are single and having sex, I am asking more questions because I am insecure about if he is with anyone else. He says this is the reason he doesnt wanna get serious!! THAT is pissing me off!!

 

Then he said "well, yes I am sort of commited to only you, just leave it f*cking be, I am not here to be questioned", but he that he doesn't want the full blown relationship with any girl, which I can believe as he hasn't even been on a date in 2 years.

 

He said he made his mind up about relationships before meeting me, and that means he lied to me when he lead me on for months saying he wants a relationship down the line with me. I was basically so pissed off to the point I wanted to go psycho on him. I then just said to him "well, what if I dont ask questions about your whereabouts anymore, and show u that I can trust you", then he said "we'll see what happens then", but if he already made his mind up about relationships, why would he say that. Just to string me along even more?

 

and then yesterday after not seeing him for 10 days, we did the normal food, tv, and sex again and it felt amazing, then afterwards he let me rest on his arm on the sofa.

 

I didnt even enjoy my vacation. I thought of him 24/7. I felt bad for my friend that I went with as my body was present, my mind was NOT, and I was not with her 100%, I was distant all the time, and I feel guilty for treating her that way, but I have a problem. I am obsessed and addicted, and in 3 days I start therapi, thank god. I have high hopes, but it is with a male therapist, and Im already thinking I can't talk to him as I have had no male role models in my life, ever. It's so scary.

Edited May 21, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

why would he say that. Just to string me along even more?

 

Jesus, you are so f*cking damaged.

 

Let's see if I can clear it up for ya:

 

H E - D O E S - N O T - W A N T - Y O U

 

He get's to f*ck you whenever he wants AND get's to keep the possibility of f*cking others whenever he pleases and he did not hide it from you.

He is NOT stringing you along anymore and hasn't for a while now, you're stringing yourself along.

Good thing you start with the therapy, because you badly need it, you are being used like an old shirt and you enjoy it. And worse, if he leaves you, you will have nothing, no friends, nothing. All because you choose to put him on such a freaking high pedestal - a man who won't commit to you no matter what you do.

 

P.S. It was obvious you wouldn't spend the vacation with your poor friend; Is why I told you to leave that cursed cellphone at home.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Jesus, you are so f*cking damaged.

There is no need to be nasty.

 

What if someone with a drug problem came on here saying they are addicted, would you just say jesus you are so f*cking damaged? This forum is a help to me, and there's no need for you being nasty, all though you have given me many nice replies before. I just need help. The reason I was feeling the way I was on my holiday was cause I am heartbroken, and Im not able to (yet) to think of anything else but him. I dont WANT to be this way. Its a f*king pain in the a$$ to me.

 

What do you mean he didn't hide from me he wanted to fu*k someone else? he says he is only doing it with me, that he is commited to only me sexually, but that he doesnt want an actual relationship. No I dont enjoy being used, but thats all I have known my whole life. People not wanting me, walking out of my life, using me, etc. Its what I am used to. I have never felt real intimacy or dont know what it is. I never even had parents giving me it, so please dont just say I enjoy it. I just need help.

Edited May 21, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

There is no need to be nasty.

 

What if someone with a drug problem came on here saying they are addicted, would you just say jesus you are so f*cking damaged? This forum is a help to me, and there's no need for you being nasty, all though you have given me many nice replies before. I just need help. The reason I was feeling the way I was on my holiday was cause I am heartbroken, and Im not able to (yet) to think of anything else but him. I dont WANT to be this way. Its a f*king pain in the a$$ to me.

 

Yet you keep putting yourself in those situations, that's the thing. You say you want, but you keep seeing him, again and again. Asking him the same questions ("can we be together?") and getting from him the same answers ("no").

 

It's not that you're not strong enough to change, it's that you misslead yourself. You just hope that if you keep it up he'll fall for you and you know what? it won't happen. He doesn't see you as a real woman in the sense of someone he could be with. He keeps you on the back burner so in case he won't find a woman he likes by the time he's 50 he'll at least have you.

 

You know what's sad? That now you think to yourself that all you need to do is suffer for another 30 years and then maybe you'll have for sure:rolleyes:

It's like, doesn't matter what he does or says, at the end of the day he'll still get to f*ck you.

Do you understand now why he won't ever change? He has no reason to. He gets everything he wants, for free.

 

Can't fathom why you'd wanna be with a guy who makes you his option and not his priority.

 

 

Try and open up to your therapist, even if it's a guy, just treat him as a person who wants to help you so be honest, it's important. Don't hide anything from him thinking it's irrelevant.

 

Listen to this, it's good:

Edited May 21, 2012 by Professor X

[Professor X]

There is no need to be nasty.

Sorry for that comment, just pissed me off when people do those stuff to themselves.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I know, I keep putting myself in the situation, so having sex with him, and lying on his arm gets me at least closer to him in that sense. Yes I went 10 days with not seeing him and it was driving me insane. I was thousands of miles away and it got harder and harder for every day, then yesterday, I couldn't hold back.

 

The thing that annoys me was that when he picked me up yesterday from our local train station, he didn't even give me a hug (me thinking he doesnt want anyone to see) and yet I ended up having sex with him He couldnt even give me a hug in public. I brought him a small 'fun-gift' thing from my vacation that he put on his shelfs in his room, and he showed his mum it cause he really liked it. All these small things that he does makes me just think I have a chance with him one day.

Edited May 21, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

All these small things that he does makes me just think I have a chance with him one day.

Your chance with him died the moment you showed him you'll accept any behavior from him. I am 100% sure he has no respect for you at all.

 

P.S. If I'd get him that fun-gift I am sure he'd still show it to his mom, so it doesn't really mean much, does it?

[HellyaImhopeless]

Your chance with him died the moment you showed him you'll accept any behavior from him. I am 100% sure he has no respect for you at all.

 

P.S. If I'd get him that fun-gift I am sure he'd still show it to his mom, so it doesn't really mean much, does it?

 

Suppose not

[Professor X]

Suppose not

 

Sorry, but I don't know what else to tell ya. Just promise you'll be honest with the therapist ok?

[HellyaImhopeless]

Sorry, but I don't know what else to tell ya. Just promise you'll be honest with the therapist ok?

As for being honest, I just hope on thursday, I gather enough guts in me to actually walk in the door. I feel like a walking nutcase, that they will look at me weird, etc. I think what I may have is an obsessive love disorder. Edited May 21, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

As for being honest, I just hope on thursday, I gather enough guts in me to actually walk in the door. I feel like a walking nutcase, that they will look at me weird, etc. I think what I may have is an obsessive love disorder.

 

Weird? That's their job, to help people like you. It's like going to the doctor and think he'll care how your body is when he needs to inspect you... That's silly.

 

Just go, just tell yourself that no matter what, you're gonna go, you will feel a lot better after the first meeting.

[Vote Pedro]

One thing that came to my mind when reading this thread is: After all this time, after all this admitting that you don't want this any longer, that he's treating you like **** and after all the advice given, you still have thoughts like "he does this and that, so there might be hope for the future?".

 

Truth is, there isn't. Not only because, as Professor X has pointed out, he probably has lost his respect for you because he can basically behave like a d*ckhead without having to face any consequences, but also because you underestimate his emotional, or psychological state. From what you've told he seems so much like someone I knew (but who wasn't so abusive). If all this "he's scared of being hurt" is true then I'm afraid the decision was made before you even thought about it. If someone starts building fences around their inner self and keeps them up as the relationship evolves, they're unlikely to tear them down again. Ever. He won't change. The only way he could change is if HE decides to, but YOU have no influence on that whatsoever. If he decides to let anyone get close to him (i.e. to commit to someone with all that implies), then this decision will come ultimately from himself and not because someone makes him to, or loves him enough and that way indirectly encouraging him to, that is.

 

You said that "he doesn't give a chance to the one who won't break his heart". Don't think that. I know you are tempted to follow that logic that if he only recognizes that you're true to him and will stick with him whatever may come, he will be ready to open up and commit to you. Don't think that. It keeps you in that vicious circle. Even if you forget about him and move on now, this thought will keep you feeling bitter and hateful - because well, it could all be so perfect if he had only given you a chance. Forget that, please. Fast.

 

I know it hurts but please accept that you're not the one that will make him change. Even if you are as caring as Christ. If you were, he had already changed. But, more importantly: He is not the one for you. I wish you would stop treating yourself in such a horrid way. In fact, you're doing yourself more damage than he is. So, a therapist is a good way. Do NOT be afraid to talk honestly about everything. And please DO NOT back off once he's trying to help you. I know that people often react that way, but it's toxic. Even if you feel embarrassed or unmasked, carry on. Don't believe yourself when you're unconscious tells you "I can do this alone".

 

You told him you felt like he led you on. That's good, honesty is always good. But if he denies that, and if he doesn't even feel regret about that, then well... he's not worth it. Seriously.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Thanks vote Pedro,

 

If you ever read up about obsessive love disorder, I would say thats what I have, as it roots in the childhood, and reading about it is like reading about myself.

 

I know I look like an idiot to the rest of this board, but as with any obsessive disorder/addiction, I just need help, fast, because I know at this point, it's impossible to do it alone with no professional help of some sort. I don't want it escalating to the point I start stalking him or making threats, which is basically what I am thinking of because I'm too hurt, and can't just leave it be and move on. That's why I need help, and I hope they know how to help other than telling me to just get over him.

 

My rational thinking doesnt exist anymore. It just showed that when I was on vacation now for 9 days, I wasn't able to not think of him at all, and I neglected my friend I travelled with as a result of it, acting cold and distant the whole time. I am ashamed of myself, but I have no control over my emotions or thinking anymore when it comes to this guy.

 

It's so sad, I left a 7 year old relationship for this FWB-guy without trying to work out my problems with my ex. I do miss my ex now too since he moved on and got a new gf. I'm gutted about it all. Whenever I look at the memorybox I have from my ex, I cry hysterically. He is the only guy that has ever been into me, wanting me bad, but I treated him like dirt due to my own insecurities and fear of feeling true intimacy. But the funny thing is, I have completely accepted that he has moved on and I never felt 'obsessive' about him ever. It's just with this FWB guy that I am obsessing about, wanting his love.

 

I must look SO needy and psycho-like to him, not exactly an attractive feature in a woman. He told me he was busy tonight, so he couldn't come by. I wanted to make dinner for me and him as I am lonely too. I basically told him to f*ck off for coming into my house yesterday after not having seen him for 10 days to sleep with me, and then not bother coming for dinner today. He then said "ok, I'll come by for half an hour when I get home". He thinks I am trying to get in between him and his work, when in fact I feel neglected that he only ever comes by my house when he doesnt have anything else to do.

 

He must be laughing of me over how needy I am looking. He knows he is my only "friend" I have in this country too.

 

We'll see what Thursday brings

Edited May 21, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Kamila]

Hi HellyaImhopeless,

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

The only advice I could give you is that you should leave that person, for your own good.

I know it's not easy, but in the long term, it really will be.

Trust me, i've done this, no contact, trying real hard to forget him, it took me 2 years to really detach myself from my ex.

 

And guess what ? I'm smitten with another man, we're not together, but still that feeling would have never been there if I was still hung up on my ex.

 

And you wrote that he even didn't want to give you a hug.

Guess what, my ex did the same to me. I wanted so badly for him to hold me, he just sighed and hugged me against his will.

That breaks your heart, I know.

 

If you don't try to detach yourself from him, you won't see other possibilities with other men.

Try to stand alone, be by yourself, keep yourself busy, be selfish.

Don't let him be selfish with you, learn to be like him.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Just out of the blue this morning, I received a text from my FWB, I was shocked and really hurt all over again by this text, it's like a further rejection to my already 2% self-esteem that I have, - he wrote:

 

"When you were away on vacation for 10 days, it showed me that I didn't have to rush home everyday to spend time every night with you. I went about my things in my own time, I didn't have you texting me all the time, I made my own dinner myself every night. It was peacefull." (F*ck that hurt getting that slapped in the face).

 

Since this came out of the blue for me, and he had not mentioned a thing about this before I went on vacation, I texted him back saying I was surpised he felt that way, and to why he never told me this before. He then wrote back apologizing cause it didn't sound very nice of him to write it like that, but that he feels we are stuck in a routine, and there's no need for us to see each other every night. He needs time to himself, to think, to breath.

 

Whilst I do agree that even 2 people in a relationship don't always have to see eacother every day, but I am so hurt by his sms saying that, after my door has been open whenever he wants to come and go. Always giving him food, massages, friendship, and sex, and now he is in a way rejecting that by basically saying we see eachother too much? He then reassured me he wasn't saying that he didn't have time for me anymore, just that we need to cut back.. I then wrote to him that I don't want this to end the way it used to be last year where he would only come for sex or I would see him only twice a week.

 

Our friendship is important to me. He is my next door neighbour. How is 1 hour a night too much time together? He is afterall getting no strings attached sex. And perhaps he knows by cutting down on "quality time" together, I will still give in for when he drops by horny. Im hoping that I won't though.

 

He then asked me specifically if I could accept the fact that he won't see me every single day anymore, only when and if he has time after his work. When I have the time will never be a question cause I'm never busy anyway my depression has taken away all interests of life. He told me to get a hobby.....

 

 

All in all, I know he doesnt want a relationship, but that text this morning really killed me all over again. I have been unable to stop crying all day, and I'm feeling like Im going to vomit any minute and now I regret going away on vacation for those 10 days cause it feels like I lost him and I am having panic attacks. It's like he was so happy without my nagging, so now he wants to keep being happy by reducing time with me. At the same time he said he did really miss me when I was away?! His mum even told me today that she knows he really missed me and that he's just looking for attention... I don't understand?

 

It's not like he's been very busy either when I was on vacation. He actually broke his foot the day I went away, and he's still walking on crutches.

 

This is so not good. I feel like phoning him, pleading him to drop by, just for 10 mins, so I could have my "daily fix" from him...a hug, kiss, sex, anything, just to see him! I've hidden my phone in order not to text him. It's so hard.

 

I think I remind him too much about his last ex that he left. She was constantly texting him, nagging at him, wanting his time all the time, acting psycho in general, asking about his past relationships, all of what he hates with passion, that he wants left in the past. So when I did go away (we didnt text that much), he felt this sense of relief again that I was gone because I remind him of his ex, and me and him are not in a relationship, so why should he deal with me after all. I know I am just starting to blabber on here, there's no point in me going on and on and on here. I am just hoping I will survive my heartbreak because it's a pain Ive never felt before. It makes me feel so suicidal

Edited May 22, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

Just make sure you go to your therapist. Don't come up with excuses on how hurt and sad you are so you won't go.

 

And of course he said what he said, it seems pretty obvious he'd feel that way. I'm only surprised it took him that long. Took me about 2 months to reject my ex' when she started smothering me like that, but I actually cut all ties at that point, didn't wanna tune down.

 

And he's right, you need a hobby and you need to give him space. This is why you don't really love him, you're just obsessed. If you loved him, you'd give him the space he needs, but all you can think of is yourself, how YOU need your fix.

 

Again,don't skip the meeting with the therapist!

[HellyaImhopeless]

This is why you don't really love him, you're just obsessed. If you loved him, you'd give him the space he needs, but all you can think of is yourself, how YOU need your fix.

But I do love him, and yes - obsessed too, and I do give him the space he needs, allthough I have a tendency to send him too many texts. If I don't text him for a day, he will actually ask me why I haven't texted him, oddly enough...

 

If he sends me a text at 11.50am with good morning, and I reply just after noon with "good aftenroon", he will reply with "it would of been good morning had you replied earlier"... lol... it's weird!

 

I wont skip my meeting with my terapist, I can't, it's either that or me not being able to go on anymore. I have no choice. I wish my meeting with him could have been tonight!

[HellyaImhopeless]

I accidently ran into him yesterday at a carpark, and he said to me since I managed 10 days without him, then I can manage a lot more... like he wasn't just planning on coming to see me everyday anymore since I managed days without him, and that he seems to think I only want him when Im bored. He refuse to believe I love him anyway..he seemed jealous I went away on holidays and had fun without him or something... I woke at 4am today feeling like vomiting and got up, couldn't sleep any longer.

 

This feeling is killing me, and the fact he is ignoring me now is killing me even more. I want to be the one ignoring him if anything, not the other way around

[Professor X]

like he wasn't just planning on coming to see me everyday anymore since I managed days without him, and that he seems to think I only want him when Im bored.

See how your way of thinking is so twisted? How you instantly make it "woe is me". He said it because he's trying to get some distance of you, you're to much all over him. He knows you're obsessed with him so he's trying to get you off his back for a bit.

He refuse to believe I love him anyway..he seemed jealous I went away on holidays and had fun without him or something... I woke at 4am today feeling like vomiting and got up, couldn't sleep any longer.

Ya, can't blame him, what you guys have is not a RS and moreover, as I said earlier, he knows you're obsessed with him, so no wonder he has hard time to believe anything you say? Think about drug addicts, do you really believe them if they tell you they love what they do? Nah. Also, not to mention he has no respect for you.

This feeling is killing me, and the fact he is ignoring me now is killing me even more. I want to be the one ignoring him if anything, not the other way around

Well, you can still do it. You guys still talk every day. Just ignore him from now on. Not that I think you can do it... but it won't hurt to dream.

 

Just don't skip your therapy meeting.