Mental block orgasm!

[HellyaImhopeless]

Wow, I can't believe how many of yous have taken a great time and effort to reply to this thread. I really truly appreciate it, and I may just print off these pages to keep in my diary as reminders.

 

He came over for 2 hours last night, just to watch some TV and relax, and I think he had a bad day because he drank 8 beers, something he doesn't do on a Tuesday, and when he drinks, he always starts opening up to talk a lot. At 1 point he starting getting very emotional, something I never see, and I asked him the reason for him drinking so much on a Tuesday, if he wanted to talk about what bothered him, but he said "nothing".

 

Later on, we started talking, and it steered in on the relationship-turf, and he got watery eyes, and said "Aren't I pathetic for a matcho guy, guys aren't supposed to show feelings, but being hurt so much in the past, I'm just not ready for that yet. In his 3 relationships, he gave his heart 100%, to later have it stamped on, and now he's so scared, he avoids it". He told me he adores me, but he just wants a friendship for now, and I could see the sincerety in his eyes and voice, it wasn't crocodile tears.

 

This guy has issues. His mum even told me once he's been single for 2 years now because he's too scared to date and fall in love because falling in love = getting hurt.

 

In the end of the day, this situation sucks for me anyway because I want a romantic relationship, not just a FWB. And he did lead me on for 4 months in the start, saying he was looking a relationship, which must have been a lie. I asked him bluntly yesterday why did he lead me on, have me fall in love, for then to turn the tables and break my heart, and he said "thats bull**** - I never lead you on, that's not my fault you feel this way now". Jeez that hurt like a b*tch.

 

-He's just trying to avoid all responsibility of his actions! and him denying leading me on actually hurts like hell, and I told him that, just to lose some more of my self-respect, lol!

 

Every relationship he had hurt him, fine, but he doesn't mind having a "relationship" with me (without the titles), he never even gave me a chance to show him I won't hurt him. I'm not even worth it in his eyes. That's a HUGE blow to my ego and self-esteem - think I have about 2% left of that now.

 

Ahhh, morning rant over

Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Leigh 87]

What you have with this guy, is a very comfortable, close emotional bond for you - chilling out, watching TV and just being comfortable in each others company; having a person to just hang with whenever, and looking forward to the time when u just sit, watch TV, drink some beer occasionally, and relex - it is GREAT to have that with someone.

 

I can understand why you feel so close. I love having my boyfriend to just sit and hang out with all of the time. In fact, I feel totally elated that I have a person to chill with, to look forward to " chilling" with. haha...

 

Look, the problem is: you love a guy who is not emotionally 100% availablt to u. He may or may not have true romantic feelings, we cannot tell frm here, he may like u but not want to risk getting hurt.

 

The only way to move forward in your life, is to:

- move places. Find a place u can afford and just do it.

 

 

Staying with him in the hope you can enjoy being together, and wait until he falls madly in love with u and askes u to be his girlfriend, is NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

And, if it does, he is not very deserving of you, any way! He lied to you abotu wanting a relationship, and he does not RESPOND WELL when your hurting and dirctly tell him your hurting badly over him; he just responds with " lets watch a DVD later".

 

 

Please, enjoy your last week or month with him, and then move places. YOU WILL FIND A GUY LIKE HIM WHO LOVES YOU BACK.

 

You are just wasting your life by staying in this housing arrangment. It is not likely he will change his mind about you, and you are only prolonging your misery.

 

You would be very proud of yourself if you are strong enough to LEAVE the situation!

[Professor X]

So he got so hurt in the past that he decided to... do the same to you? He knows how you feel, and yet he's still there. Not that it's entirely his fault, it's yours as well.

 

And as far as responsibility goes, I think it's over on his end. He did tell you further along the way that he isn't interested in you.

 

Your problem if you still hang there. He gets all the sex he want, guilt free, why would he walk away from that??

[HellyaImhopeless]

Once he said "A good heart - by Fergal Sharkey" is our song 4ever, and listening to it, and reading the lyrics, is kinda scary. It tells me everything I need to know. They go: Highest is the risk of striking out, the risk of getting hurt..anything is better than being alone. I'm just anything...then...I...guess..

 

He needs to sort his own issues first I think, and its so hard to leave because I do know he likes me, even his family have told me that, but can't commit anyway because he is too scared.

 

I know I need to move away, because it does not help living next door to him! And to make matters worse, his ex and her bf just moved to a house here, 1 min away, but they do not have contact. He wouldn't leave her alone for years, so she had to change her number. This was like 6 years ago now, but she recently said hi and smiled at him *puke*

 

My FWB says he would never take her back anyways as 6 years is too long, but I know she meant everything to him cos he took her virginity, and they were meant to be together forever, bla bla bla.

 

Something I forgot to add: He went as far as saying if I keep blaming him for leading me on, then he won't bother coming around to see me anymore, cause he doesn't wanna listen to that bull*hit.

Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

He went as far as saying if I keep blaming him for leading me on, then he won't bother coming around to see me anymore, cause he doesn't wanna listen to that bull*hit.

Well, of course. He isn't your BF to listen to you rant, he is there to f*ck you. How can he f*ck you if you keep b*tching (sorry it's so harshly put).

 

I hope you see how much power he has over you - it's just absolute. I am sure that now you won't mention to him again how he mislead you at the start.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Well, of course. He isn't your BF to listen to you rant, he is there to f*ck you. How can he f*ck you if you keep b*tching (sorry it's so harshly put)

Yes it is harsly put, but it's what I need, even if it hurts like a b*tch. We have both over and over agreed to stop the sex, but that lasts like 6 days at most. He'll sometimes ask me straight out of I can give him a b*owjob, and I say no.. THEN I actually give in OR, I get frustrated and start kissing his ear, and if I do that, there is no return for him lol

 

It's only 2 days till I go away for 10 days. Hopefully it will help me one way or another.

[Professor X]

Yes it is harsly put, but it's what I need, even if it hurts like a b*tch. We have both over and over agreed to stop the sex, but that lasts like 6 days at most. He'll sometimes ask me straight out of I can give him a b*owjob, and I say no.. THEN I actually give in OR, I get frustrated and start kissing his ear, and if I do that, there is no return for him lol

 

It's only 2 days till I go away for 10 days. Hopefully it will help me one way or another.

 

I hope so as well, but honestly, I think 10 days is to short for you to overcome him, most likely you will just miss him.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I hope so as well, but honestly, I think 10 days is to short for you to overcome him, most likely you will just miss him.

I know

 

It's very odd that, with my ex, I never missed him as such, or felt sick when he got a new gf 2 months after our relationship - it doesn't bother me one bit really, but with my FWB, just thinking of him being close with another girl makes me actually feel like psycho-powers are taking over me It's hard to explain, but I fear myself on what I will do if I ever do see him with someone else. I'm picturing myself doing not so ....good...things... like harming myself and him... and that freaks me out...

[Professor X]

I know

 

It's very odd that, with my ex, I never missed him as such, or felt sick when he got a new gf 2 months after our relationship - it doesn't bother me one bit really, but with my FWB, just thinking of him being close with another girl makes me actually feel like psycho-powers are taking over me It's hard to explain, but I fear myself on what I will do if I ever do see him with someone else. I'm picturing myself doing not so ....good...things... like harming myself and him... and that freaks me out...

 

Is it possible for you to go on that vacation without your cellphone? So that at least you won't contact him during it?

[HellyaImhopeless]

Is it possible for you to go on that vacation without your cellphone? So that at least you won't contact him during it?

Whoa:eek: We've never gone a day without, and now I'm gonna go 10? I am bringing my phone for other reasons, too, and it will be tempting to reply to him, but I will tell my friend to stop me if I do try to text him

 

On my last vacation in January, I didnt see him for 6 days, but we did text everyday, and he asked me everyday how I was and stuff. I actually feel bad, and wrong for going to start to ignore him now. Why would that make me feel bad? Sure he is bound to expect me to start doing it sooner or later?

Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

but I will tell my friend to stop me if I do try to text him

In other words, you will contact him.

 

On my last vacation in January, I didnt see him for 6 days, but we did text everyday, and he asked me everyday how I was and stuff. I actually feel bad, and wrong for going to start to ignore him now. Why would that make me feel bad? Sure he is bound to expect me to start doing it sooner or later?

Why you would feel bad? Cause you love him. Your brain has no saying in the matter.

 

Guess I misunderstood you when you said "It's only 2 days till I go away for 10 days. Hopefully it will help me one way or another." - Of course it won't help 1 bit especially if you will stay in contact. I thought the whole idea is to detach yourself for a bit from his grasp. Guess you can't even do that.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I thought the whole idea is to detach yourself for a bit from his grasp. Guess you can't even do that.

I'm trying to get my head around to it. It still hurts thinking of being rejected by my mum & dad when I was young, then by my friends when I was as young as 8 lol, it makes me feel there is something wrong with me. If they didn't want me then, and not now, then it's my problem, so it's buried deep within me somewhere. He really is all I have in a sense, and I don't actually 'have him' if you know what I mean.

 

Not contacting him on my vacation is going to be my goal. It wouldn't even be fair on my friend to text him. I'm going to just spend all my time with her. Then when the 10 days are over, and its time to say goodbye, I'll end up missing her, cause I get so attached to people:mad:

[Professor X]

I'm trying to get my head around to it. It still hurts thinking of being rejected by my mum & dad when I was young, then by my friends when I was as young as 8 lol, it makes me feel there is something wrong with me. If they didn't want me then, and not now, then it's my problem, so it's buried deep within me somewhere. He really is all I have in a sense, and I don't actually 'have him' if you know what I mean.

 

Not contacting him on my vacation is going to be my goal. It wouldn't even be fair on my friend to text him. I'm going to just spend all my time with her. Then when the 10 days are over, and its time to say goodbye, I'll end up missing her, cause I get so attached to people:mad:

 

Tell me, I asked you this earlier and you did not answer, so I will ask again: Have you got any hobbies? Books? Computers? Sports? Games? Cooking? etc

[HellyaImhopeless]

Tell me, I asked you this earlier and you did not answer, so I will ask again: Have you got any hobbies? Books? Computers? Sports? Games? Cooking? etc

I'm sorry it slipped. I like photography, and taken an interest to baking lately, and I do like cooking too, but usually don't really cook because I don't like cooking for myself only. I used to update my website with photos all the time, but the passion died a year ago. I just became obsessed with this friggin dude, and everything else didn't matter anymore. It's scary I let myself go like that. Everything in life became about him. I know it's not healthy

[Professor X]

I'm sorry it slipped. I like photography, and taken an interest to baking lately, and I do like cooking too, but usually don't really cook because I don't like cooking for myself only. I used to update my website with photos all the time, but the passion died a year ago. I just became obsessed with this friggin dude, and everything else didn't matter anymore. It's scary I let myself go like that. Everything in life became about him. I know it's not healthy

 

Perhaps it's time to revive them? and get new ones. Start doing it everyday, start small, spend a few minutes, than after a week do it for an hour each day, etc etc.. If you can.

Whenever my heart is hurting I find myself watching a lot of movies, helps me pass the time and forget about the troubles.

 

Finding some stuff to do that are not related to him would do you good.

 

TBH, you need to find a new addiction - for some people, it's the only.

[HellyaImhopeless]

you need to find a new addiction - for some people, it's the only.

You're right there. I know my FWB started working 80hrs a week minimum when his heart was hurting. Now he does 40 minimum, but always have projects going on in his sparetime, so he never sits down 1 hour on the sofa, unless he is with me, cos it gets him thinking about things he says. I wish I knew what to put my heart into now. I'm desperate to get addicted to something else, something I can focus all my energy on, so that he could ask where have I gone to? What could that be..hmm Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

Have you got a job?

[HellyaImhopeless]

Have you got a job?

Yes I do, but it involves computer work, so I tend to just sit and think, do some work, sit and think again, and Google up stuff about relationships . I wish I had a job where I was not on a PC, and in contact with others, so I didn't have to sit down thinking about him, but there aren't many jobs about. Does that even make sense?

[Professor X]

Yes I do, but it involves computer work, so I tend to just sit and think, do some work, sit and think again, and Google up stuff about relationships . I wish I had a job where I was not on a PC, and in contact with others, so I didn't have to sit down thinking about him, but there aren't many jobs about. Does that even make sense?

 

Well, ye, I am also working with computers (SEO) and thus I am here a lot of time, between stuff I do. You think, I spam forums

 

Start getting busy after work. Last week I started running again, it takes me about an hour-hour and a half to do the whole cycle of preparing for the run, warming up, running, than getting back for a shower and eating something good. Try it. Do you run? Do you like sports in general? Perhaps we can get you to be to tired to think of him.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Yeah, I go for a walk, sometimes cycle, every single day after work, some days I do 3-4 miles or about an hour. It helps there and then, but it's when I am working for 8 hours during the day I can't get him out of my head. Then of course after my walk, he comes to my house everyday he doesn't even ask anymore, just knocks on my door because thats what we do, we see each other every day from about 8 - 10pm, then of course more at the weekend. No wonder this feels like a relationship, and a break up to me.

 

I have got in touch with 4 former colleagues of mine that lives close by, and I have even chasen after them trying to set up a time to meet for coffee, for months, but no one ever reply..or just say "yeah lets do that", then I never hear from them again. I give up. I feel like sticking a big sign around my chest soon, asking for friends! Pathetic!

Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

I have got in touch with 4 former colleagues of mine that lives close by, and I have even chasen after them trying to set up a time to meet for coffee, for months, but no one ever reply..or just say "yeah lets do that", then I never hear from them again. I give up. I feel like sticking a big sign around my chest soon, asking for friends! Pathetic!

 

Don't give up on them and don't just say "let's meet up" and leave it at that. Initiate, make the calls, get them together, start do it more often and slowly they'll loosen up. People are very lazy most of the time haha (I know) and need to be pushed to get out of their house after work.

 

The sign on the chest could be a good idea.

 

You should make your runs longer, explore new places like that, that would help a bit, means you'll have less time to see him.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Don't give up on them and don't just say "let's meet up" and leave it at that. Initiate, make the calls, get them together, start do it more often and slowly they'll loosen up. People are very lazy most of the time haha (I know) and need to be pushed to get out of their house after work.

 

The sign on the chest could be a good idea.

 

You should make your runs longer, explore new places like that, that would help a bit, means you'll have less time to see him.

I know, but I can only push so much before giving up. They have to want it too. I will make my runs longer. I live in a small area on the countryside, aren't many places to go really, but I just have to get myself busy.

 

I have already managed to text him twice today because I'm mad at him. I dug out and read a text I have from him last year, where he wrote in the start that he wants a relationship, and when he looked me in the eyes saying he loves me back in February has triggered this weird feeling in me.. it made me want him so much I am now full of desperation, like obsessive, psycho-wanting him.

 

He was dangling the price infront of my eyes (telling me he loves me), I tried to catch it by telling him how much I want him, and he just withdrew it next morning saying he got carried away, BUT a part of him must feel that way since he said it in the first place. Him knowing exactly how I feel about him, then him doing that to me was beyond cruel, and all he said was sorry, and that its not his fault I am feeling hurt because "he's already said he isnt looking a relationship". I could kill someone, I really could. Im so angry, so mixed with emoticons, and my head says he's not f*cking worth it, but he's already taken my heart, and set fire to it.

 

Anytime I tell him I have never felt this way about any other guy, he just brushes it off, calling me a liar. I never enjoyed sex with my ex, until I met my FWB, he doesn't even believe that. Could that be because he has low self esteem due to always had his heart broken? He just doesnt believe that I love him, I don't think.. He KNOWS the only reason to me sleeping with him is because I love him, but he wont listen, and thinks I sleep with him only cause Im lonely and want a f*ck!?!?

Edited May 9, 2012 by HellyaImhopeless

[Professor X]

He believes... Just tired of hearing it all the time, so he's trying to downplay it. I doubt he could feel insecure about such a thing with you doing everything you're doing. You're basically dust to his feet.

 

I know, cause I've been there, I had a girl chase me almost as badly as you do, not for as long cause I grew tired of it really quickly. But whenever she said I'm her greatest love I called it a lie. Somewhere I hoped she'd start to believe it herself and stop being so needy.

[HellyaImhopeless]

I had a girl chase me almost as badly as you do, not for as long cause I grew tired of it really quickly. But whenever she said I'm her greatest love I called it a lie. Somewhere I hoped she'd start to believe it herself and stop being so needy.

Really? SO you think he's saying "bulls*it" and that Im just lying, so that I will stop loving him? When he says Im talking bulls*it, it just makes me wanting to prove my love even more!

[Professor X]

Really? SO you think he's saying "bulls*it" and that Im just lying, so that I will stop loving him? When he says Im talking bulls*it, it just makes me wanting to prove my love even more!

Well, each has his own reaction. You choose to believe the faintest stuff cause you're so obsessed with him. He could curse you everything, call you a whore and a slut, and then one day he won't and you'd think he's falling in love with him - when in reality, he just got a swollen throat and can't physically curse you

 

Not saying that that's why he says it, but that's why I did. But anyway, usually when someone down plays a situation it's cause of that, for it to disappear.