She cant explain why she wants to divorce

[petterr]

Spelling is not my strong side on a cell phone!...

[2sunny]

You were blocked because she hiding something..

[Owl]

You were blocked because she hiding something..

 

EXACTLY!!!!

 

My wife's EA started through online gaming, before the FB craze. She was spending hours playing games...and hours talking with a man she met in game.

 

Have you considered that she may have reconnected with an old flame, or met someone new via FB, and she's so "focused" on FB because she's messaging with this person?

[petterr]

Three weeks ago she unblocked me! Woke up one saturday morning ant there she was after two months with out explanation. I freaked out and called her older sister. She had her the entire time and told me she had no clue why she unblocked me. But she said that if I didnt feel confortable with it I should block her. Her own sister... I blocked her and texter her explaining why. That I didnt understan her lodgic. Two weeks later she told me that she unblocked me because "We have to start talking sometimes"

 

Now... Im I stupid or Im I right in thinking shes just plain crazy...?

 

No! I wouldnt want her back in this state! But.. I cant even imagine her being this strange for the rest of her life. And if she was... Give me the kids... for the love of...

[petterr]

Yes Owl! I have! I have heard that FB is a major reason for couples splitting up these days!

[2sunny]

She said she didn't love you and for you to stop hoping that it would be "we" again. All things seem to point to her intentions to NOT BE WITH YOU.

 

Accept it - file - and move forward. That way you can start being happy on your own and knowing that all her actions and words are allowing you to understand that it was over a long time ago.

[petterr]

I know 2sunny!

 

Getting there! One step after another... Thanks!

[Steadfast]

OK...so what's your goal...and what's your plan?

 

Would like us to end up together again. Wont deny that!

 

My take; she has a freewill to do what she wants, and so do you. Another angle is, actions speak louder than words. Judge her by her actions...not her so called confusion. Honestly? I doubt she's confused about anything... in fact, I'd wager her senses are sharp as a tack. Her appearing confused is a great way to keep you right where you are...waiting, until she decides it's time to cut and run or come back to her sure thing. You. She's betting your concern is stronger than your anger about her actions. And it is.

 

My opinion, based on experience. Mine and many others. I'll say it One. More. Time: Loving wives and mothers do not leave their husband and children. For whatever reason, she wants freedom. Now (thanks to you) she has it. You think you're in control? You're not. You feel better away from her but you want her back. Which is it? Be honest with yourself. My opinion? You're happier not dealing with it and hoping it'll 'all work out'. Until then, you want advice on how not to blow it.

 

Sucker!

 

That's a fool's game.

 

Fact: You are enabling her...and at the very worst (in her eyes) you'll speed up her time table for divorce and the break up will be on you.

 

Brilliant.

 

You are being played. By a cheater. And you know what? She doesn't have to be seeing ANYONE to be a cheater! By turning her back on you and her family, she's putting herself first. That is breaking her vows. That is cheating you and your kids what she vowed to do.

 

But she has the freewill to do it. And you have the freewill to decide if it is something you want in your life, or not. Judge her actions. If she loved you, she'd be there. You can spy, install GPS and track her...whatever. Is the reason she's gone more important than the FACT that she is? Is this a drama exercise, or do you want a real life with real love and commitment?

[Owl]

She's moved out and on her own. My recommendation would be to take that to the next level.

 

Remove her access to any joint accounts and credit cards, cut her off completely from whatever funds you bring home, and pretty much let her live on her own with absolutely no assistance or support from you.

 

Go NC with her, with the exception of any REQUIRED communication to care for your daughters. No contact of any kind whatsoever except for that.

 

Consider filing for a legal seperation or intitiate divorce proceedings.

 

Let her see the consequences of her choices and actions. Show her that you're moving on without her, and removing her from your life.

 

Also...start building your own life without her. Hit the gym, take up an old hobby you stopped when you got married, or start a new one that you've wanted to try. Fill your time and your energy with things that AREN'T her. Focus on building a good life for you and your daugthers...and let your wife move on if that's what she wants.

 

She wants freedom? Let her have it. It's not nearly so sweet when you lose something you never thought you'd lose.

[petterr]

Steadfast: theres alot of sense in what your saying. If im being fooled. Then im the fool. If i judge her by her actions I would probably never speak to her again. I have told her if it wasnt for the kids I would never want to ser her again...

 

 

So... Being sooo influenced by you guys. A 180

[robf1971]

Not to blow my chances?

 

Chances of what? She's moved out, the relationship is over. There's nothing left to 'blow', you've nothing to lose.

[2sunny]

Since she appears to be the true "walk away wife" treat her as such.

 

Cut off all money and do not contact her.

 

Google walk away wife

[The Blue Knight]

Steadfast: theres alot of sense in what your saying. If im being fooled. Then im the fool. If i judge her by her actions I would probably never speak to her again. I have told her if it wasnt for the kids I would never want to ser her again...

 

 

So... Being sooo influenced by you guys. A 180

2sunny, you need to consider an alternative namesake like 2gloomy You kind of have that Ivan the Terrible demeanor as in "off with their heads!!!"

 

Peter, the commodity principle may also come into effect eventually if you cut your ties now and move on. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the woman who jilted the boyfriend or husband suddenly become re-infatuated when that same guy has moved on with an entirely different female. Not that I'd ever do that to win a woman back. It's a shallow way to have someone want to stay in your life. Just sayin . . . it happens far too frequently.

[2sunny]

BK - I'm just dealing with the cards the poster has been dealt.

 

Personal attacks are helpful. If you don't wish to read my truth - feel free to block me.

 

What's useful about approaching this in a happy manner - his wife walked away for gods sake!

 

I'm looking at reality based upon the evidence he's presented - to which NOTHING about it seems too happy right now.

[The Blue Knight]

BK - I'm just dealing with the cards the poster has been dealt.

 

Personal attacks are helpful. If you don't wish to read my truth - feel free to block me.

 

What's useful about approaching this in a happy manner - his wife walked away for gods sake!

 

I'm looking at reality based upon the evidence he's presented - to which NOTHING about it seems too happy right now.

 

No need to get all defensive. I was just tossing some fun your way. Did you not see my inserted happy face?

 

Truth for Peter is what he can deal with right now. In time, more answers will come his way and then he'll have to make some decisions.

[2sunny]

Scary part is - those sitting ducks get shot down...

 

And he doesn't have her truth - that's the issue here.

[petterr]

2sunny!

 

Read in earlier post you wrote and forgot to reply. You said that my wife said that she didnt love me and that she said that I should stop hoping it vould be us again. In fact it was the complete opposit.

Just to get things straight. Then you continued on by being sarcastic implying that im kind of stupid. Well you may think what ever you like. I understand! You dont know me.

 

I think I know every thought about the potential cheating part from reading all posts. But there are a couple of you out there who are willing to put things in different perspectives.

 

To understand this I get that I have to rule out another man in her life. But IF there isnt another man I will never be able to prove it. A catch 22 in some way.

 

So... A woman doesnt give up her life without a reason. She cant explain why exactly. She admitted the " I let you take over my life"- mantra she kept as the REASON was something that couldnt be understood. " I know that now" she said. Then the new reason, my " bad sides". Shes confused and I bet she doesnt really have a clue why shes leaving me ( unless theres another, I know). Help me out. If theres no other could her behavior have to do with her mental health as implied by some here.

 

Does anyone have any experience of something like that?

 

Save your smart remarks this time about how blind and stupid I am. You have already proven your point. I will keep you posted and find no prestige in anything. Cant be " wrong" when it comes to the potential affair because I understand the odds!

[2sunny]

So sorry - I misread your initial post - I didn't read it as she CANT say...

 

And I never called you stupid. The only thing I've stated is that you COULD be doing more - rather than nothing. She's obviously having some crisis - and it fails me that a conversation isn't happening that allows you to understand what her intentions are and what her issue is.

 

IF she says she still loves you - then get into counseling.

 

Running away isn't a solution - that's avoidance. Has she always had that trait?

 

And yes, loads of people here have seen lots of these situations - normally folks are encouraged to DO something rather than nothing.

 

Like Owl suggests - make a decision and start working toward THAT goal.

[petterr]

Thanks!

 

Well thats just the problem. I can in some way understand her behavior during the three months we lived together. She got totally crazy and couldnt talk to me what so ever. Some kind of melt down for sure. The first week after the bomb she had set her mind straight in the direction away from me. She acted as if i had molested her or beaten the kids or something. She refused to talk to me. " I cant talk to you because then I get sad". Later she denied saying so. She filed for a divorce the second day and sent letters ( searching for a place to move to) on the third day. When I retell to her what happened the first week she denies it. On time after about two months I got so mad at her that I showed her one of her letters. It was dated three days after the bomb and the letter ended: " please help me out because I have a screaming need for an apartment". When she saw the letter she just sat there, quiet!

 

I could give you hundreds of other strange behaviors on her part.

 

We went to counsling twice but it only had to do with how we could live together until she moved out. On the first meeting she started her " conversation" by skreaming at me threatening to hit me... I was acctualy chocked. So out of caracter and for no real reason. Then she continued bad mouthing me when I tried to talk about us and my feelings for her. Insane!

 

Even today I know we cant talk abour the whys, reasons and her behavior. Thats the reason I have backed away... Shes not ready for anything. Couldnt talk to a person as an adult when the adult has no clue about anything.

 

I keep myself visable but in the background for now.

 

I do know how ever that person is not my wife. If its the new her so be it. But I bet you she cant be content with who she is right now. I thing she lost herself somewhere!

 

Hope you got a clearer picture.

[standtall]

Yes Owl! I have! I have heard that FB is a major reason for couples splitting up these days!

 

Satan's notebook strikes again.

 

BTW, The more I read about your situation peterr..the less clear it is. Is it another guy, or some mental issues???

[petterr]

Just now had a text dispute with her. She says that i have to stop feeling so innocent and helpful. That I helpt her alot but it is also my fault what happened.

 

Her words: I made you sick but you made me the way I was...

 

So there... It was my fault she treated me so badly during our seperation.

 

Going a bit insane here!

[marqueemoon4]

Just now had a text dispute with her. She says that i have to stop feeling so innocent and helpful. That I helpt her alot but it is also my fault what happened.

 

Her words: I made you sick but you made me the way I was...

 

So there... It was my fault she treated me so badly during our seperation.

 

Going a bit insane here!

 

Thats the ultimate copout and blameshifting. A clear sign of immaturity and being unable to own her role in the relationship. Textbook.

[The Blue Knight]

Scary part is - those sitting ducks get shot down...

 

And he doesn't have her truth - that's the issue here.

There is no his truth - her truth. There is "the truth" but until Peter knows what that is (assuming he can ever get to the bottom of this) he can only speculate about what he wants and what actions he'd like to take.

 

Over the course of being the victim of an affair that person has so many emotions come and go that they can scarcely get through the day without having a breakdown. In time, Peter will develop an approach and a plan and there's been some good advise given to him here that he can draw from. But the actual truth is right now a bit of a mystery for him.

 

And I was just kidding about 2gloomy. You're cool. Unfortunately, humor is sometimes hard to detect in this forum and perhaps I should have made it more obvious.

[The Blue Knight]

Just now had a text dispute with her. She says that i have to stop feeling so innocent and helpful. That I helpt her alot but it is also my fault what happened.

 

Her words: I made you sick but you made me the way I was...

 

So there... It was my fault she treated me so badly during our seperation.

 

Going a bit insane here!

Yeah, this is the same blame shifting anyone who has an affair does. My ex did this to me and I'm sure everyone here who has a similar (victim of an affair) story had this happen. They can't live with what they did outright, so they have to reinvent the history of the marriage to make someone like you seem more awful than you really were. So according to her logic, you're really the reason this all came about.

[findingnemo]

Peter, reading this thread I don't know what is worse: she is mental or she is cheating. I bet her cheating would be better somehow.

 

I'm leaning more towards thinking she is mental for now. Perhaps I've missed something but if your friends and her family think something is wrong, how come no one has dragged this woman into a mental health facility for a check? I saw where you said she won't go but isn't that usually the case with mentally ill people? They can't diagnose their own illness or see it the way outsiders do.

 

So as Owl said, you need a plan. How about talking to her family to find out what she's saying to them not just about her M but about her life right now. Then discuss with them what you need to do for her NOW. If indeed she has a mental issue, then it would be wrong to let this go any longer. Time will not sort things out. And at least you can confirm if this is the case.

 

If she isn't going crazy, then it doesn't matter whether there's another man or not. She has abandoned her family and it's time to move on for all of you.