Author petterr Posted April 11, 2014 Author Share Posted April 11, 2014 Well... Having been away from the drama for about a year now I can truly say im content with life. (Two and a half years since it started) Happy? Often! Complete? Dont know if thats possible but getting there. Life is good with the young ones. A delight! A purpose! I have had some friends comment on me not "moving on" relating to being in a new relationship but I think they are really naive and dont understand the trauma a thing like this puts on us. Im happy being alone and I guess that could be hard to understand for some of my friends. Step-son moved in every other week. So now I get to be a part of him growing up in a completely other way then being there every other weekend. And I have to say its great. Have civil contact with ex and thats about it. Reading some of the most frequent post written here I can only say that the most important thing is.... Time! You just have to get as far away as possible to start healing. Thanks! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 I'm really happy for you that things have leveled out! I have had some friends comment on me not "moving on" relating to being in a new relationship but I think they are really naive and dont understand the trauma a thing like this puts on us. Im happy being alone and I guess that could be hard to understand for some of my friends. I completely understand what you are talking about here. So many people think that until you are in a relationship, you are not "complete", and therefore, if you haven't found a new relationship to fill that empty space in your life, then clearly you haven't "moved on." My goal is to be complete as an individual first. If I do eventually find someone to be with, then that will be a wonderful addition to my life, but it's not a necessary task to complete, and certainly not something I'm going out and chasing in order to mark off a box on a "moved on" checklist. Step-son moved in every other week. So now I get to be a part of him growing up in a completely other way then being there every other weekend. And I have to say its great. I think this is so cool, for both of you. It's like you are exchanging the gifts of choosing and committing to be a part of each other's lives, and acknowledging that this is important to you both. I have to believe this will be a huge positive factor in the development of this young man through adolescence... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I'm happy to read this Peter. Your thread serves as an example that going through this is never easy, nor is it something anyone aspires to. One needs to understand the stages, phases and mountains that must be climbed. You will fall and skin yourself up. Your example shows what is gained by getting up and pressing on. Especially good news regarding the stepson. You're a hero Peter! Truly!! So many people think that until you are in a relationship, you are not "complete", and therefore, if you haven't found a new relationship to fill that empty space in your life, then clearly you haven't "moved on." There is nothing more sexy than being single and strong. By taking the exact approach you've described, you're setting yourself up for success. I'm thrilled to read these inspiring words. Bravo Peter and Trimmer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SelSen Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hi Petterr, Glad i found this post. I am going the same hell as for past 18 months, i believed the same as you did and din't know the direction to go (divorce/reconcile). My wife was saying the same thing for past 18 months and i was helping her to come out of that feeling but guess what i have found out that she is having an affair with someone miles away. She kicked me and my family out of face book and she was having constant chat with this guys ( I am an IT guys and found the log). Recently she send him a shirt. Guys, I need help here. she is in total denial even though i have evidence. She filed for a divorce what should i do. Any help!!!!!! Thanks Sel Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I am going the same hell as for past 18 months, i believed the same as you did and din't know the direction to go (divorce/reconcile). My wife was saying the same thing for past 18 months and i was helping her to come out of that feeling but guess what i have found out that she is having an affair with someone miles away. She kicked me and my family out of face book and she was having constant chat with this guys ( I am an IT guys and found the log). Recently she send him a shirt. Guys, I need help here. she is in total denial even though i have evidence. She filed for a divorce what should i do. Any help!!!!!! You should start your own thread on this, because you will get more visibility that way, and you are kinda taking Peter's thread off-track. Go start it and tell your story, then you can come back here and post a link to the new thread... (And when you do, include as much detail as you are comfortable with, such as roughly how old you both are are, how long you've been together, how long you've been married, whether you have kids and their rough ages, whether you had them together or from before your current marriage.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Hi friends... So... I met someone... Did not plan to but she asked me out. Dating for two months. She does not complete me or fills my life with a purpose. She is just a girl who thinks the world of me. Its a beautiful thing.. There is truly a life after all this... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Awesome dude! Yeah, don't push things and just enjoy each other. Lord knows you deserve it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
azureorb Posted July 4, 2014 Share Posted July 4, 2014 Hi friends... So... I met someone... Did not plan to but she asked me out. Dating for two months. She does not complete me or fills my life with a purpose. She is just a girl who thinks the world of me. Its a beautiful thing.. There is truly a life after all this... After reading this thread -- which has been pretty intense, I will say that that's the #1 thing you should have aimed for after the Separation solidified -- given how she was during the whole ordeal. Getting your feet wet in the "dating" scene doesn't mean one's finding a life partner -- you just make sure you begin not engaging with gals who are serious-relationship-hunting. So kudos to you right now... It's SO part of the process. Many times when we see a recent ex not phased by the breakup (at least on the surface) -- many times they found someone else at that point. And in reference to your situation, the way she carried herself (or lack thereof in relation to you), and how she went about it and yet blaming you... If I were in Vegas, I would *not* bet that she was never engaging with another guy on any level. In fact, if there were a betting table on that, I wouldn't hesitate to bet a good sum of money that she was (yes, even with her not being surrounded by dudes; not required at all). Given that and how she handled it -- in retrospect, it would have been good to at least have gotten your feet wet in the dating scene with no expectations. Over months it ends up migrating from there -- but more importantly, an ex starts to become more of A True EX, like "Sally from College", in your mind. It's SO very key, so it's good to see you're at least now beginning that. All in all, it is a sad story. But not that surprising when you mentioned all the medications she was on due to the conditions she has, and blaming you for everything then at least another time apologizing and all that. She IS messed up. Not in the sense of "yeah, all girls are wack" or she made key mistakes During the Marriage/Relationship. No -- like *truly*. Psychologically. Messed. Up. That should give you a sense of relief any time looking back -- there's no "what if I" to have saved it or to make it happily ever after. It wouldn't be. In at least 4-5 years, you'll look back and think "Thank GAWD I didn't somehow pull a trick up my sleeve to have it be tried again during the separation. PHEW!" She. Is. Nuts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 azureorb Your thoughts follow me still. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted December 29, 2015 Author Share Posted December 29, 2015 Hi! Need to continue this thred simply because I can return back to reread the insanity. You are welcome to indulge or ignore. I lost my stepson. At least for the time being. My advise to you would be to never fully trust the former inlaws. They are too emotionally envolved to undrestand. Her sister finally had enough and confronted her. Ex called me and I invited them to me to talk. I told stepson they were comming over and he went nuts and left. So... Older sister and me and ex sat down and talked. I talked, older sister was quiet. After a while ex hyperventilated and wanted to hit me. Stepson was convinced to come home by sister and he did under the condition that he did not have to say anything. Ex said to him that she was sorry and everything would be ok. They left and stepson stayed. Ex hooked up the following week with a new guy completely missing the point. Stepson blames me for exposing him and betraying his trust and ex sister puts the lid on. I have tried to talk to stepson but he gets angry. He left me one night and doesnt want anything to do with me. I dont think I would have done anything different. And that is the hardest thing in the world to live with. The realization that no matter what you do your perception of reality is not shared with the ones you love. Sorry I pulled everything back to square one again. P Link to post Share on other sites
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