Author petterr Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 Have to laugh! Just found out shes in a relationship and has been for perhaps two months. She sat at my place crying last week and said nothing. My D gave me a heads up three weeks ago when she told me about moms new "friend". To hell with her! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Have to laugh! Just found out shes in a relationship and has been for perhaps two months. She sat at my place crying last week and said nothing. My D gave me a heads up three weeks ago when she told me about moms new "friend". To hell with her! You're surprised? I'd bet money she's been involved with a man/men the whole time - and long before she left too! She's just never gonna tell you she left because she got smitten with someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted August 30, 2012 Author Share Posted August 30, 2012 Im not surprisen one bit. I have actually been looking forward to it. The knowing ! Now I can justify to myself that I dont have to respect anything that has to do with her any more. Makes sense right! Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 In my book I can respect a person with severe emotional issues. God knows I had to face severe psychological problems myself. But lying is a different **** altogether. I consider it evil and selfish in the extreme. And, regardless of how many excuses people can give, you can't establish a long-lasting relationship with a selfish person. It's like living with a vampire. You'll have to give and give. Until you're exhausted and the other person leaves to find the "blood" they want elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 You know what! I alway try to understand who and why people do the things they do. Bit this one person who ment the world to me just went beyond understanding. I did work hard and swallowed alot because of a future good relationship between us for the sake of our daughter. But she just didnt care. The most important thing she has lost is to be able to understand that now is now and then is then. Living only for the moment doing whatever she feels like made her a crazy person. So now that she cant use me anymore shes on to the next guy and new friends. They are filling the void in her right now. When she cant be fullfilled anymore she will drop them like she dumped me and move on tho the next new thing. I feel like crap today and yet im happy at the same time. She has a bumper sticher on her car. " yes! Im a bitch! Im just not your bitch!" She thinks its something positive. And you know im happy shes no longer my bitch. I newes saw her as ome but if thats what she wants to be then so be it. Sitting alone in my house writing this. Its quiet and carlm. Its nice! D is with ex and tonight she and her new bf ar going to party and she has left the kids to someone for me unknown. Hopefully her mother. But you know what! Cant help but think that my life is better than hers. I dont need anything or anyone to make me feel good about myself. Being me suits me just fine! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 " yes! Im a bitch! Im just not your bitch!" The sticker says it all, mate. And don't think that she's became mad or that she caught some weird virus or is being manupulated by aliens. This "bitch" is who she really is since she was born. On her younger years she was probably docile and sweet because she was under the surveillance of her parents and she felt she needed the social approval of her friends social circles. Now that she's getting older, that her friends have moved away or have revelealed themselves to be simular scum, she no longer feels the need to keep a role. It's a bit similar to my situation, really. When I was young everyone labeled me as a sort of sweet kid or nice guy, because I was very peaceful and didn't had the guts to speak my opinions. I felt really bad with myself, then, because my parents used to opress me into assuming that "nice guy" role. But I knew I wasn't like that. It wasn't my nature. Now that I'm older I'm finally myself. I speak my mind and I have no problem in kicking ass when the need arises. Many people, who knew me from my "nice guy" days became shocked. Some even asked what happened to turn me into such a volatile creature. Guess what? I was always like that. I just hid my true colours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 This is getting out of line! Put my foot down and confronted ex about a few things im not ok with when it comes to the children. She went nuts! One of the things was thet I heard that stepson was in a fight the other week. I herd it from a friend who works in sons school. I texted ex and said if she had heard about the fight and if we could talk about it. Big mistake. Now ex doesnt want to speak to me so she refuses to answer when I call her. So we text. She started obsessing about where I got the information from. I told her that that was not important. The important thing is that stepson doesnt feel good and how we can help him with that. I recieved eight texts in a row all saying she wanted me to know who told me. I replied in the same way understanding she was up to something. We finaly talked and she said that no one at school had any leagal right to tell me anything and that she understood who did and she was going to call the principal to confront him. I was really surprised. I had to calle my friend and warn him about it. I was so ashamed. He got really scared bc he could loose his job. After several attemts to get ex on the line again she finaly answerd. I asked her if she would really hang anuther person just because he cared about stepson and wanted to talk to me about it. Me being a person who has been in stepsons life for eleven years. I asked her if things between us would have been better would she have even bothered. She said no! But she wanted to do it anyway. I finaly got through to her and she came to her senses. I knew she was unstable. But yesterday I learned that this woman has major problems that goes beyond logic. In a perfect world two parents no matter the circumstanses who love there child should put the childs interests first. Do you think we talked about the fight and how he feels after that. Of course not! This truly never ends! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 IF she didn't put you on the paperwork for the school - there's no legal way for you to intervene on behalf of the child. You may think you have a right - but I'd bet legally you don't. Sad isn't it? I've been there... I can say its best to stay out of things whenSHE hasn't told you. As the child gets older - IF you can talk to HIM directly - that's better! Unfortunately - there are times when the realization that a D cuts ties with many family members you've had relationships with during the years. It truly changes EVERYTHING! Sop expecting things to remain the same = it doesn't. IF she chooses to distance you from step son - there's not much you can do except to wait and rebuild the R as the child gets a bit older. Since shedding INTEND for YOU to get INVOLVED - YOU should have stayed out of it! She's telling you that's not your role to play ANYMORE. Take these as prompts and stop forcing your will on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Thanks 2Sunny! I realized a while ago that I really lost him. I know I have no legal rights what so ever. Still so crazy though. I have been in his life for eleven years and all I want is his best. Ex says that she wants us to have a good relationship. But step son told me the other day that the reason he doesnt keep in touch is that he feels like his mother doesnt want to. And I believe his feelings are correct. I also believe she has no clue that she projects this. But with a new man in her life it doesnt take much to understand the why. I have to bide my time. When did careing become a bad thing? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Thanks 2Sunny! I realized a while ago that I really lost him. I know I have no legal rights what so ever. Still so crazy though. I have been in his life for eleven years and all I want is his best. Ex says that she wants us to have a good relationship. But step son told me the other day that the reason he doesnt keep in touch is that he feels like his mother doesnt want to. And I believe his feelings are correct. I also believe she has no clue that she projects this. But with a new man in her life it doesnt take much to understand the why. I have to bide my time. When did careing become a bad thing? None of that matters right now. Understand that you don't want to put him in a position of feeling like HE'S betraying his Mom by keeping in touch with you. My step son knows I honored what seemed right at THAT time - I still hear from him NOW - but he's 32 years old and doesn't electro answer to his Mom anymore. I was a positive influence for him - he tells me that; and that he loves me - but way back then I never put him in a position that caused ill feelings - especially for his relationship with his Mom. I always let him know I loved him no matter what the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 I can only hope things turne out like that in the end. I have totally pulled back. I dont contact him anymore and he knows i love him and wants to spend time with him. Its up to him and I would never judge his choice. His mother is his mother and I have never said anything bad about her to him. But of cource he knows we fight. So sad it came to this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Remaining neutral is most effective! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 8, 2012 Author Share Posted September 8, 2012 Hate! I have always said that its a strong word! Nothing you should take lightly! I have felt it. Its nothing you can control. My actions are more important then my feelings! P Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 Stop handing her so much power... Link to post Share on other sites
SandRat Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Sorry Peterr, the bitch is crazy. Get as far away from her as you can or she will destroy whats left of your life. Why you would waste your time hoping she'll come around is beyond me. I understand you love your children but if she's poisoning their minds what else can you do? Get as far away from her as you can! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 Im away Sandrat! Way, way gone! Update! Sitting infront of the tv with D after an exhausting day! Swimming, shopping new clothes for D and Ds favorite resturant! Havent heard from ex in over two weeks so I guess she finaly got it. Also think shes mad as hell at me but its a win win for me and I dont care! Its amazing how well I think its going right now. I sleep at night and im back to my old self. Have fixated any thoughts when they occur about ex. With everything I understand and learned about how a person can simply switch to an awful person it all boils down to one thing. SO WHAT! She has treated me like I never thought it would be humanly possible to treat another person. So she became a BI.CH! She continues to be a BI.CH! And the can marinate in the fluids of her own guilt if and when she figures things out! I am better off without her and feel stronger then ever! Do I sound bitter? Hahaha! Life goes on! Have a great weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 You are working through the stages Peter...one by one. It is a hard process. When is the divorce final? How have your divided the property? Knowing this is still 'out there' makes me realize there are more stages to endure. Do resist being bitter, and if I may advise, also resist the temptation to call her names...even when you're alone. What we think in private we often say in public. That's my way of saying you must train yourself to let go. Letting go just isn't letting 'her' go, but the disappointment of expectation. Do not expect anything from her. The best battle plan is for her to see, feel or hear you taking the high road. Good character might still be open to criticism, but it simply doesn't stick. It's a marathon Peter. Hang in there- Link to post Share on other sites
riverratt Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 The "stages" I get as well. I just need my D final so I can move on. Like a noose around my neck. I need final closure. Get through this holiday season and I will be good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks guys! She filed in November and divorce was final in July! When she moved out in February all was pretty much settled. No name calling on my part. Have taken the high road in almost every confrontation. She simply looses it and snaps. Im a stupid idiot, moron, pusy and so on. Every time I have a different opinion I get to meet the monster. Cant have anything to do with that. She has serious issus that OM can keep. You would think that when she got everything she dremt about she would some how carlm down but no... So NC for me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Quick update! Had some time to spend and just read through my whole thread! Man, what a ride! I have come a long way and I would just like to thank you all for your advice and support! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 Still alive and kicking! Just wanted to vent a bit. Still alot going on in Loony town but over here things are getting more and more stable. Going away on a holiday with my kids next week. Feels great! Im getting further and further away from the hot stove and I know its for the best. Ex younger sister and daughter has moved in with ex. It seems to be a permenent thing. StepS was here yesterday and he is really starting to open up and it feels like he is getting more and more confortable with being here. He is definately not happy with what is going on in his life. I told him he is always welcome to spend time with me when ever he feels like it. Ex has cut off older sister completely. She just had to mention a couple of things about me and ex exploded. So the end of sisterhood for time being. Im kind of glad that more people see things fro what they are. That ex is a very unstable person. I keep myself occupied with work and activeties with D. No identity crisis here. Dont want anything else then to be the best dad I can be right now. Wouldnt want to complicate things further. Life is slowly getting to the point of being quite good! Have a great weekend! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Hey - we're still listening. Glad things are stabilizing out for you, even though the ex is still a destabilizing factor in your life. And kudos to you for being available to your stepson. It's simple and obvious and the right thing to do, but I also think it's awesome, and so very human (and humane) of you to step up like that. You are a stabilizing factor in his life, and that's a huge thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hi! Its been a long time since I wrote here and perhaps its time for a quick update. My life is good. Single and content. Have my D every other week and my stepson every other weekend. Couldnt ask for more in my life right now. Ex continues spinning. She has been in a fight with her sister so now they dont have any contact. She is on to boyfriend number two still oblivious reguarding her own problems. I guess happiness comes to those who deserves it. I have learned that no matter what ill be ok! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 Hi! OMG! I am spending a night alone and my thoughts started wandering... An hour and a half later I have read through every single post on this thread. Who was that guy? Did he really go through all thouse things? Thank you! You made a difference! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 How about an update, Pete? How's your life? Daughter and step-son doing okay? Link to post Share on other sites
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