Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Its simple iisnt it. Black or white! You seem to know my wife better then me or at least her behavior! Well... Im not ruling anything out. I have been perfectly clear on that point and im not afraid of the truth. Sure I could follow her 24/7. It seems more frustrating for you then it if for me. Ok... Shes cheating... Im blind, stupid and wont admit it! ( sarcasm) Feel better? Doesnt change anything does it! She still doesnt want me! And thats the only truth I can relate to. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 You really don't want to know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 One thing you really could help me with is this. Lets say shes cheating. What happened in your relationships when you found out. How did it end? Preparing for the worst and if you really want to help me... Instead of kicking me. Tell me what happen afterwords. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 2Sunny..you sound like Joey Grecko..can you head on over to petterr's neck of the woods and video tape the confrontation? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justsomebody Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Studying, working, parenting and being a wife could take a toll on a person. It takes a very focused, stable and physically fit person to fulfill all these roles, not to mention to be happy about herself at the same time. Like people around you and some posts over here suggested, I think she is experiencing a meltdown. She might be at a cross road that sees there is no end to this "aimless" treadmill. It is hard to offer help if she refuses to be helped. Sometimes if one lists out everything on a piece of paper, it might help to see a bigger picture, might help her to see that she has options, i.e. cut down working hours, or take a break from school etc.... Do you know how is she handling her work and study? Are those areas falling apart as well? Sorry that this happened to you. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 From where I sit, you have two choices: Keep working to figure out what the "cause" of her issues are here. Let her go and file for divorce. I don't have a vested interest in your marriage or anything to do with you or your wife. It's up to you. Pick your goal, develop a plan to reach your goal, and implement your plan. That's what you need to do, in it's simplest terms. Point blank. Choose what you want to work on...figure out what you need to do to make that happen, and then make it happen. Nothing left to be said. If you feel that you CAN'T reach your goal...then you need to either develop a better plan, or pick a new goal. Done. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Owl! Thanks for your advice! Justsomebody! She hates her job right now after a reorganisation. She has questiond her job choice. Still studies 100% to climb on her job. She hasnt likes her collegues in the past but has now found a friend thats so out of character compared to the friends she normaly has. Single friend of course. She has started to fail alot in with her studies. I listend to a conversation a time ago between her and a friend in school. She was slow to understand and sounded really stupid. So out of caracter. Shes normaly smart and driven. The one who takes charge and others follow. Something has definately happened to her. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 One thing you really could help me with is this. Lets say shes cheating. What happened in your relationships when you found out. How did it end? Preparing for the worst and if you really want to help me... Instead of kicking me. Tell me what happen afterwords. Outcomes differ with everyone. Since women often look for an emotional connection when they enter affairs I happen to believe they are harder to get back afterward, and if you do, they never seem to be quite the same. Men who are in dead or somewhat sexless marriages get into affairs for that reason, but if their wives find out, change the way their marriage was, then a lot of men (who are not serial cheaters) will happily return. It's hard to say Peter without knowing your wife's personality or if she's involved with another guy, how long it's been, or how emotionally she's connected. Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) She has started to fail alot in with her studies. I listend to a conversation a time ago between her and a friend in school. She was slow to understand and sounded really stupid. So out of caracter. Shes normaly smart and driven. The one who takes charge and others follow. Something has definately happened to her. I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet, but based on what you said here, I would want her to have a complete physical. I'm sure she's relatively young, but that doesn't mean something can't be wrong with her physically that's causing this sudden change in behavior. She could be suffering from anxiety, she could have a drinking problem (which, like cheating, is something you can hide from a spouse so you might not know), or something else. That's not to say the behavior can't be explained by cheating. That can cause a drastic change in behavior, and I bet most of us have acted a little slow and stupid when our minds are on a new person. But it never hurts to make sure she's okay physically. Edited March 23, 2012 by maybealone Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Owl! Thanks for your advice! Justsomebody! She hates her job right now after a reorganisation. She has questiond her job choice. Still studies 100% to climb on her job. She hasnt likes her collegues in the past but has now found a friend thats so out of character compared to the friends she normaly has. Single friend of course. She has started to fail alot in with her studies. I listend to a conversation a time ago between her and a friend in school. She was slow to understand and sounded really stupid. So out of caracter. Shes normaly smart and driven. The one who takes charge and others follow. Something has definately happened to her. Look further into this "friend" - she could be playing dumb in order to gain more attention and needing extra "help" from whoever this is. Let's guess, it's a male, correct? Find out who he is and where he lives - and start checking there first! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Thanks for your input! Well shes pushing 40. No, its a girl friend. I have a hard time believing this has to do with not feeling appriciated. She even now says that shes always felt loved by me. When it comes to the complete check up. She would definately refuse. " theres nothing wrong with me" And how far shes gon feeling wise when it comes to the " new" man. We made love a week before and it was like always No drinking problem. We didnt live that kind of life. What ever that means... . Thanks for your thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Could she be interested now in women? It happens, a lot! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Could she be interested now in women? It happens, a lot! Joey......I couldn't have said it better. Somebody has to call that show... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hahaha! Well she has always been interested in snails. Could that be a clue? Joking aside! Your absolutely right! it could be so! But seriously... Not very likely! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 OK...so what's your goal...and what's your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Now your pressuring me Owl! Perhaps thats a good thing. Would like us to end up together again. Wont deny that! A plan... Well thats the tricky part! Havent really a clue! She did marry me once! She did love me head over heals... Its who I was then that in some ways have been clouded. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Peterr...I mean this nicely...but there's your problem. Get a clue! :) You've shot down everything we've suggested as far as next steps. You either need a better source for advice to help you get that "clue"...or you need a new goal. If you cannot come up with a working plan...then your current goal may be unattainable. If there were an OM in the mix, I could give decent advice on how to cope with that. You're convinced there's not, and feel you've taken every reasonable action to find one if there were. With that...my advice is moot. You need to figure out WHY she feels the way she does...what's influencing her to feel this way. Once you know that, you can take action as needed. If you can't do that...then rebuilding anything with her is likely impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 His head is in the sand and he's been doing nothing to find out what's really going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Owl! Yes! We do have a problem! Because I cant find any "proof" of her cheating could mean that shes acctualy not cheating. Not saying anything about anything when it comes to me having the real answers. So that would mean that the knowledge you have doesnt apply on my situation? These are my thoughts. If a woman leaves her husband theres something seriously wrong with the relationship or... with the woman. More likely a combination. Maby theres alot of different strategies when it comes to tyring to win her back! There probably is depending on situation, woman and so on... as I told you before I would not take her back if she continues beeing the person she is now. But... Believe she will sooner or later get back to "herself". The problem is... How do I act in the meen time. Not to blow my chances? And in doing so not loosing my selfasteem and pride and so on... I will never let her have such control over me as during our time together after the bomb before she left. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Instead of asking us to guess - go straight to your wife and ask her! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 The only recommendation I'd have left for you is to follow the 180 plan. I'm not as much of an advocate as many are here...but frankly, without figuring out the "source" of your wife's problems, I don't have any better advice to offer you. A woman can't respect a man she can walk all over. The 180 plan helps you prevent that from happening. A woman cannot fall/remain in love with a man she can't respect. Taking the 180 route will either lead to her eventually rebuilding respect (and potentially love) for you, or it will prepare you to live life without her. It's all I've got left for you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Ok! Thanks Owl! Needed that! :) Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Why are you so afraid to communicate with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author petterr Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Ok 2Sunny! Im not affraid to communicate with her! Theres really two reasons why Iv stopped: 1. I feel so much better being away from her! This has to do with how shes treated me. 2. Shes so f... confused!Even though we speak about practical stuff shes not making any sense about anything. Shes so into her own ego that she cant see any perspectives what so ever. This has to do with all aspects of us not only us. Theres so many things, when it comes to the kids, that shes been really neglectfull and uninterested in. An example. One evening she sat with FB infront of the TV. My son (14) tried to get her attention three times before he gave up. In the mean time my daughter (3) was crying calling her for her mom repedadly. She just sat there in front of the computer without any reaction. One eavning I told her about her behavior and that she really should trie to "cut down" on the usage of FB. The morning after she blocked me... No lodgic what so ever... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Yes, it IS logical. Her priority is her FB. You aren't her priority and neither are the kids. But here's the question - why would any man want to be with a gal that completely ignores her husband and kids to be on her computer? Why would you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
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