Steadfast Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Straight up. If the financial obligations are yours (or partly) pay them if you can. If you can't, tell her, then tell her when you'll be able to. If necessary, take responsibility of what is yours and tell creditors you're separated and that your wife is not to be contacted. They'll balk. Let them. If they are not yours, tell her. No reason to say any more. No drama, no threats. One of the hardest things about letting go is...letting go. You are programmed to worry about her. It isn't easy, but it is critical for your healing to break that urge. Don't let her lean or toss stuff on you; that's what husbands do for loving wives. Another way of putting it is; do not reward her for crapping all over your life. Take the high road. We seldom regret what we don't say. Especially in anger. Sorry she's acting that way, but it's the nature of wayward's. Get to a position of authority where you are concerned. For a time, she will cause you anxiety, but working on you will restore your passions. You'll feel less anxiety, she'll feel more. Become who you really want to be. You can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Hello everyone, I haven't been on here for a while so thought I'd give u all an update. The last time I was on here I was due to see my ex again. This did not happen. She cancelled at the last minute. Later in the evening we had a huge row over the phone where I really let rip and said some terrible things to her. However, I felt better for getting things off my chest. After the phone call I immediately took my wedding ring off and decided to take many of yours advice and go NC. I must admit this has slowly helped and over the last few weeks I've been crying less and been more motivated. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days but I now believe what you guys have been saying about NC. Then, last week I received an email from her. My heart sank, that's how she makes me feel now if she contacts me. My heart beats a hundred times a minute and I feel sick. The email I found to be really patronizing. She was basically asking for money for some outstanding debts we have. I initially wanted to turn round and say " you should have thought about that before you destroyed my life" but I'm yet to reply. My question is, should I reply? I can't think of a way to reply without anger. Or should I just ignore her? I mean I'm doing NC right? I wish she hadnt contacted me cos its now playing on my mind I'm not sure how to play this. Advice appreciated...... Send her a polite email saying You've retained the services of a lawyer to make sure that anything financial is handled fairly for both of us. Then do just that, retain a lawyer, and email her the details. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Send her a polite email saying You've retained the services of a lawyer to make sure that anything financial is handled fairly for both of us. Then do just that, retain a lawyer, and email her the details. Gotta go with this one...spot on. If you're seperated...then you need to manage the seperation LEGALLY to ensure that it's fair for both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 No question; when you need a lawyer, you need a lawyer. But the retainer isn't cheap, and can often turn into another huge financial burden. Often times the money spent trying to avoid money issues cost more than just dealing with the problem directly. FWIW, I wrote my own divorce. If fair communication is impossible or issues are complicated it's a wise move. But hiring a lawyer isn't always necessary and isn't in my first line of advice. Just my 2-cents- Link to post Share on other sites
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