Once I get it, I don't want it anymore..

[Woggle]

But you get a vicarious thrill when you read about men hurting women, which is surely acting like a jerk by proxy? Why revel in someone else's misfortune?

 

I understand if it's the person you perceive to have hurt you - a little schadenfreude gained from seeing someone who hurt you, I get. But don't you think not being so afraid or begrudging of women because of one or two encounters is kind of unnecessarily stressful?

 

Personally, I think we men can do with re-discovering the assertiveness and self-worth tools that women have adopted and refined from the early 70s pioneers such as Manuel J. Smith and becoming, well, more confident in ourselves as a result.

 

I don't get a thrill out of seeing anybody hurt but there are times when I feel it is better to be the player than be played. It's better for a guy to be a player than be the faithful husband crying because his wife has an affair with a player and now wants to leave him and take everything but then I come to my senses and realize this isri't right either.

[betterdeal]

Must be hard being you.

[sally4sara]

I don't get a thrill out of seeing anybody hurt but there are times when I feel it is better to be the player than be played. It's better for a guy to be a player than be the faithful husband crying because his wife has an affair with a player and now wants to leave him and take everything but then I come to my senses and realize this isri't right either.

 

Oh piss off. You're a happily married man and not because you're a player. You're not going through a divorce after being a "good man" yet you DO justify twats like this guy and their actions because you imagine the women they lie to to be the ones divorcing the complete strangers you believe are "good men" or women like your ex.

There are more alternatives under the sun than lying player OR downtrodden husband getting a divorce for men to aspire to in life. And you know this because you are neither persona. Still every friggen thread where the guy is doing what you say is wrong you shrug it off by posting "meh oh well other guys getting mistreated makes this fair play". So yes you do get some perverse pleasure in reading stories like the OP's and are simply denying it because you know it indicates your own sickness. You know that sickness that you continue to not face down even though its been years since you were mistreated by any woman. I use to think you were doing better but you're not. All therapy has done for you is give you a few new phrases to say to make you believe you are not full of hate for half the world's population. Only someone full of hate would admire this POS kid's behavior. You are admiring a boy who lies about his motivations to get sex and treats the women he had sex with like they did something wrong to him. Poor down trodden good men getting mistreated or poor mislead women getting mistreated, its the same so why is your blood only boiling over the mistreatment of men? Because you're full of hate so eff you Woggle.

[dasein]

Only someone full of hate would admire this POS kid's behavior.

 

It's pretty plain which posters are "full of hate" in this thread, and it isn't OP or woggle. People have a right to have NSA sex, women do and men do, and other than the make-believe assumptions posted by the bashers here, that's all that's really going on here... NSA sex. 50 years ago, it might... might be appropriate to jump to the conclusion that OP is lying to these women to get them to do something that they wouldn't otherwise do. Not in 2011 though. The types of women OP is having NSA sex with would be doing it with someone else if not OP, may be doing it with several other dudes right now for all we know, and that's fine. Are women not allowed to want to have sex with a guy they find hot? If they spread their legs for some dude they don't really know expecting a relationship to result without saying anything, whose fault is that exactly?

 

It gets really annoying, the female tendency to shift ALL blame onto men at every opportunity because they are so insecure that they can't accept any exposure of flaws in their character, behavior or decision making. Most adults learn that 100%, whether describing blame, causality, or any other variable, is unrealistic, there are always several factors, and in human relationships, there is very little black and white polarity, lots of gray. More women need to learn that basic truth when rushing to blame-shifting. Or are these women OP has sex with not accountable and responsible at all for their choices and behavior? It's all the big bad man right?

 

Over and over here, women in the niceguy threads talk about confidence and not caring too much, not smothering them from the start, not being too available, being a little unpredictable and aloof. Here's OP doing what women claim THEY WANT from men, and he gets bashed for it. Here's a question for you and others who characterize OP as some kind of monster, what would you have him do? When he meets a women, smiles, gives them some patter, and the panties start to slide off, is he then supposed to give them some kind of disclosure card full of disclaimers? If so, that's the most insulting and demeaning attitude towards women I've ever heard. Perhaps he should hand them a pacifier right at the start to establish "who's who" in the relationship, their level of adulthood and ability to determine their own attitudes and behaviors? For a woman who doesn't want to get used, don't have sex with guys until you know them, don't bow into impulsive desire and then go into a blame-shifting hissy fit about being tricked by a 23 y.o,. "master manipulator" a kid who lives at home and has a nice smile. Really?? Or maybe he used a hypno disc he bought out of the back of a comic book... how nefarious!

 

When I was in my 20s, back in the 90s, lots of the sex I had was initiated by women, was I using them when I gave in? and things have gotten even more freewheeling and women more assertive about their sexual desires since then. Just because someone describes their sexual behavior in a tone you don't like doesn't mean they are doing anyone wrong, lying to anyone or using them.

[sally4sara]

blah

 

I've been pretty clear that I don't see anything wrong with casual sex or the concept that women are just as capable of wanting NSA or short lived flings.

 

What I keep trying to point out and people like you keep trying to cover up with a bunch of hot air is that this guy is not honest. If the women he gets with knew he would only see them as used, low quality women (his words in other threads) after he has sex with them THEY WOULD NOT HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX WITH HIM and he knows it. Its why he hides this from them. He has thread after thread clearly detailing that he thinks sex makes him a man and sex makes women dirty and unworthy of a relationship with anyone including his own dirty lying ass. He believes that even though he is behaving the exact same way - he will still one day be able to live up to a committed relationship but the women he has sex with will not and only a foolish man would commit to them.

He has a couple usernames on here but was stupid enough to post his pic under both usernames. He has threads where he talks about having a girlfriend that is a "good girl" while he cats around on her with other women. Do you even read these things before deciding to defend someone's character? Or do you just see a masculine username and decide to argue their case?

[betterdeal]

What did Oedipus's father say?

 

Oedipus, you're a complex f*cker.

[dasein]

I've been pretty clear that I don't see anything wrong with casual sex or the concept that women are just as capable of wanting NSA or short lived flings.

 

Yet the logical consequences of that seem to escape you and others. We simply do not know the attitudes of these women. They could be every bit as cocky and douchey as OP (ever watch Jersey Shore? OP is that age), and just getting their rocks off. They could be rebounding and looking for some strange, they could have a "do me at work" fantasy. The possibilities of why these women are having sex with OP are endless. YET, you and others leap to the conclusion that he is using and lying to these women, causing them damage in some way. THEY COULD BE USING HIM. THEY COULD HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE ABOUT MEN THEMSELVES. THEY COULD THINK HE IS LOW QUALITY TOO (and probably do). Who knows? I don't and you don't.

 

What I keep trying to point out and people like you keep trying to cover up with a bunch of hot air is that this guy is not honest. If the women he gets with knew he would only see them as used, low quality women (his words in other threads) after he has sex with them THEY WOULD NOT HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX WITH HIM and he knows it.

 

The only hot air in the thread is the bogus conclusions. OP is more honest than every "niceguy" in the world who sucks up to women with "friendly" attention hoping it will somehow magically turn sexual. Lying? OP is one of the more sincere posters here, you know what you are getting with him. There are actually women who appreciate that.

 

You have no real idea whether these women would have sex with him or not because of his attitude, they could seek sex with him BECAUSE of his attitude, BECAUSE he is a safe outlet for NSA who won't turn puppy dog. I've seen this dozens of times from both sides, women who will have sex with me because they don't like me that much and others who won't have sex with me because they like me too much (no it makes no sense, but lots of men here have had similar experiences I'm sure). It's a paradox that drives men crazy but many if not most all have experienced it.

 

Tell me with a straight face that there isn't a huge broad swath of young women out there who seek a little defiling and degrading in sex, else where does the audience for all the vampire and werewolf stuff come from? Is it healthy? I don't know, but I do know it's their choice, and they are responsible and accounable for their choices. Lots of women enjoy being degraded a little from time to time, every experienced man learns that in the process of becoming a good lover. Is it really that hard to see OP's possible appeal without describing him as a lying user?

 

Have said it before, Mr. "blow down the door" twenty texts a day, "you are the one I've been waiting for" and then "sex and vanish" is the primary type of user among men, not guys like OP. OP is doing NONE of that stuff, he is transparent, and that's probably one of the reasons women find him appealing. They are tired of the REAL users among men.

 

Its why he hides this from them.

 

So letting calls from people one isn't interested in go to VM is "hiding?" If so 100% of the women OP is doing are "hiding" from the guys they don't want to see ine EXACT SAME WAY when they give out a number and then don't take the dude's calls. It doesn't make them all monsters and certainly doesn't make OP a monster.

 

He has thread after thread clearly detailing that he thinks sex makes him a man and sex makes women dirty and unworthy of a relationship with anyone

 

Usually I say there is no double standad, but OP falls into that tiny % of men with the same sex options as women, so yes, he is a sexual glutton, and yes, he is applying a double standard. So what? Normal average women are FULL of double standards in how they select men, care for me to list a dozen or so of them? and we don't call them all "dirty lying ass." Neither is OP.

 

He has a couple usernames on here but was stupid enough to post his pic under both usernames. He has threads where he talks about having a girlfriend that is a "good girl" while he cats around on her with other women. Do you even read these things before deciding to defend someone's character? Or do you just see a masculine username and decide to argue their case?

 

Two usernames? So what, are the drama queen women who do the same types of things here "dirty lying asses?" I don't think so. It's a crime equivalent to eating the last ice cream sandwich, especially on this forum for fairly obvious reasons, not exactly occasion for getting out the noose.

 

If you think I only stick up for men you haven't read my posts.

[sally4sara]

Why yes I do see a masculine username and jump to their defense ignoring everything else!

 

What is he hiding? That he uses the fact that he has issues with female sexuality to create people for him to look down on. I'm not going to keep repeating this very obvious thing he doesn't share with them. Letting a call go to VM is not mistreatment and I think you know it.

 

Who are these women? You're right we don't know their character. We don't know if they deserve to become the fodder he believes he is elevated through while smugly looking down in them and making hurtful quips either. Yet another thing I think you know full well. He has even shared that he knows he has hurt these women, seen evidence of such so I don't get why you keep trying to say that they might well have wanted and expected the end result. If they did they wouldn't have been hurt by his behavior or the end result.

 

Whats going on here is some of the fellas reading his tripe had a relationship turn bad and are fantasizing that said girl is now one of the ones the OP is amusing himself with. This is highly unlikely so you can quit with fantasy land justification now.

 

I'm finished with you now. I've seen enough of your posts to know where you deal from and its ugly.

[Woggle]

If the genders were reversed the women in this thread would be cheering this behavior and calling it empowered while telling any man that takes issue with it that he is bitter and insecure. I am not cheering it but I understand why it happens. I don't condone drug dealing or crime either but I see why conditions push people into doing it. The same applies here.

[2sunny]

we have no way of knowing what the other women he corresponds with expectations may or may not be...

 

if the expectations are not aligned - it will not be balanced and not feel happy.

 

he's showing his boundary... albeit in a severe way - that shows some manipulation and sneakiness... but when he is realizing he's not going to get things from a woman the way he wants it - he tells her "he's out" - at that point she also has choices... IF a gal chooses to continue chasing when he's not responding - she's not paying attention to her prompts. he can't make her see these - but if he's brutally honest - he won't be working from deception.

 

OP - IF you only want the sex = say so. IF you want more than that = act like it!

 

if you want a woman to be a part of your life - be honest about what it is you DO and DON'T expect from her.

[dasein]

the fact that he has issues with female sexuality

 

He likes sex, he doesn't respect women who give it out too easy. Not exactly breaking news. How is that different from most men? The attitude certainly doesn't entail "issues" with female sexuality. Certainly not the level of "issues with female sexuality" one has who thinks women are helpless little babies who have to be protected from all the 23 y.o. "dirty lying ass" predators.... predator monsters who, you know... em ummm erm... who live at home with mom.

 

Letting a call go to VM is not mistreatment and I think you know it.

 

Nor is brushing off a woman who fell right on your bobo if she thinks that automatically leads to a relationship. In fact, trying to manipulate and guilt such a man into thinking he owed a relationship WOULD be mistreatment (and most all men have been there, myself ten or so times in life). You don't want to hear that though, do you.

 

I've had women I barely met reach over and grab my d-ck!! under the table, then when nature takes its course later in the evening and I don't immediately send over the Whitman Sampler, "O that dasein USED ME! He (or rather his d-ck) sent MIXED SIGNALS! He LIED to me! What a callous monster! He's just a ... just a ... (sob) DIRTY! LYING! ASS! that's what he is (snifflesniffle). And then from the brunch chorus, "You are right, he is just a dirty lying ass!" You can do so much better. You just need to go buy a new pair of $500 shoes and pamper youself all month long to get over that dirty lying ass. Can I have one more Mimosa please, Sergio?"

 

And this was from the early decade and the 90s! I've been out of circulation for some time so can only wonder at how aggressive women are now. One thing's for sure, they sure haven't stopped with trying to blame men for everything wrong in their lives and telling any manner of lies to accomplish that blame-shifting.

 

Who are these women? You're right we don't know their character. We don't know if they deserve to become the fodder he believes he is elevated through while smugly looking down in them and making hurtful quips either.

 

The women could be doing the exact same thing he is. Does that make them monsters? Of course not. LMFAO at "fodder." What "hurtful quips?" You and others simply hate to see a man who has the upper hand in his dealings with women because it triggers projection of every time you impulsively had sex with some guy and then felt bad about it later. The fact that "that guy" could be characterizing you as anything other than a "perfect little person" drives you all smack out crazy. It's all through this thread.

 

Yet another thing I think you know full well. He has even shared that he knows he has hurt these women,

 

Where? he says they want more and he doesn't. Same story every time someone decides they don't want more with someone and the other person does. Again, not exactly breaking news. Not exactly cannibalism.

 

Funny thing is, you and the other bashers almost never quote his exact words, and take him to task on HIS WORDS, which would be a fine thing to do. Instead you project and fabricate a bunch of nonsense out of thin air that he never said or did.

 

Whats going on here is some of the fellas reading his tripe had a relationship turn bad and are fantasizing that said girl is now one of the ones the OP is amusing himself with. This is highly unlikely so you can quit with fantasy land justification now.

 

"fantasy land" ... o sweet, sweet irony.

 

I'm finished with you now. I've seen enough of your posts to know where you deal from and its ugly.

 

Bwahahahahaahaaaaa! yes, you have found me out... I sabotaged the carnival ride... if it weren't for those meddling kids and that dog though...

 

buhbye.

[Woggle]

I do think that part of it is some women can't stand to see a man who has the upper hand in his relationships or at least doesn't let himself be whipped and led around.

[betterdeal]

Are you mistreated, Woggle?

[2sunny]

I do think that part of it is some women can't stand to see a man who has the upper hand in his relationships or at least doesn't let himself be whipped and led around.

 

a healthy, balanced relationship means not any ONE person has an "upper hand" - it is equally giving and receiving... and effortless... that is what good balance looks like for me... designed to lift us both up to be the best we can be - separately AND together...

[Woggle]

Are you mistreated, Woggle?

 

No I am not but I have been in the past and I remember what it felt like. I also get so sick of hearing what some other men go through. I like it when a man is not a victim and not being used like a sucker.

[Woggle]

a healthy, balanced relationship means not any ONE person has an "upper hand" - it is equally giving and receiving... and effortless... that is what good balance looks like for me... designed to lift us both up to be the best we can be - separately AND together...

 

In reality how many relationships between men and women are actually like that? This is great when it actually happens.

[2sunny]

In reality how many relationships between men and women are actually like that? This is great when it actually happens.

 

it's more likely to occur when there is a healthy boundary and honesty!

[sally4sara]

I've had women I barely met reach over and grab my d-ck!! under the table, then when nature takes its course later in the evening and I don't immediately send over the Whitman Sampler, "O that dasein USED ME!

 

I don't know what world you live in but I find it a bit odd to want to share your body with someone you have contempt for and yes I do think one has to have some serious issues to behave that way. I promise you had you looked at grabby chick and said "ok fine but jumping into bed with me, a practical stranger will have me thinking you are trashy even though I too would be behaving just as trashy but that's okay because I'm a guy and only guys can have sex with practical strangers and not be trashy" grabby chick would either say "fair deal lets go" or "eww jerk nevermind!" Either way grabby chick would not have reason to be confused and hurt in the end.

 

But neither you or the OP have the balls for that level of honesty and that is why you're not worth the skin your mothers gave you.

[Llakdknek]

A lot of females don't have any sort of grasp on "female sexuality" or what it means to be "liberated". It's really disingenuous to talk about the misogyny of male attitudes and then go on to complain about being used for sex in virtually the same breath.

[Woggle]

I have to ask an honest question. If the genders were reversed would people feel the same way?

[betterdeal]

No I am not but I have been in the past and I remember what it felt like. I also get so sick of hearing what some other men go through. I like it when a man is not a victim and not being used like a sucker.

 

Then Mr Dream Merchant's story must make you very happy.

[betterdeal]

I have to ask an honest question. If the genders were reversed would people feel the same way?

 

You wouldn't, that's clear. You let your sensitive spots rule your judgment.

[Llakdknek]

If my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle.

[dasein]

I don't know what world you live in but I find it a bit odd to want to share your body with someone you have contempt for and yes I do think one has to have some serious issues to behave that way.

 

Now I know you are joking, else the S&M business, the soap opera business, the "hate each other and then hop in bed" movie business, and half the dirty things I've whispered in women's ears over the years to help them *ahem* "get there" just ceased to exist. Sex is all about contempt, especially with strangers! Do you think all the women who grab d-cks under the table want to hear about bluebirds and rainbows when the time comes? Do you think when my best platonic female friend, a normal, cool, well-adjusted woman, told me on the phone the other night "sometimes I like to be utterly defiled" she was just making small talk? Was my ex just asking for a bath all those times she started up with "I feel dirty?"

 

That's the world I live in. What world do you live in?

 

I promise you had you looked at grabby chick and said "ok fine but jumping into bed with me, a practical stranger will have me thinking you are trashy even though I too would be behaving just as trashy but that's okay because I'm a guy and only guys can have sex with practical strangers and not be trashy"

 

Maybe I should have asked her back to my place to see my "Mr. Spock doll" collection or my Wookie mask? Maybe offer her some juicy juice or fruit rollups? She was an adult with an adult's responsibility to know exactly what she was getting into without any longwinded explanation of all my attitudes and beliefs. She didn't exactly want to f-ck my attitudes and beliefs, now did she?

 

But neither you or the OP have the balls for that level of honesty and that is why you're not worth the skin your mothers gave you.

 

Ooo sick burn, that actually made me a little hard, you know, from the contempt and all.

Edited August 31, 2011 by dasein

[Taramere]

I have to ask an honest question. If the genders were reversed would people feel the same way?

 

The genders don't need to be reversed. This thread refers to a sexual situation, but the core principle causing dissent can be applied equally by the genders. That is, that there's nothing wrong with charming somebody into giving you what you want and then immediately going cold on them afterwards. The "going cold immediately afterwards" being a clear "I just used you" message.

 

People don't like being used. Say you have an interest in car mechanics. You see a woman stopped by a layby with the bonnet (or whatever you call it in the US) of her car open - peering helplessly inside. You approach and she turns on the charm, fluttering her eyelashes. "My car needs fixed. You look like a big strong chap. I wonder if you could help?" Flattered and pleased, you sort out her car - and enjoy doing so on account of your love of car mechanics. As soon as you've fixed her car, she smirks and says "I thought for a moment I might have to pay somebody to do it. Silly me. I always manage to get men to do what I want! So long, loser!"

 

You were willing and happy to fix her car - but doesn't the whole thing suddenly turn very sour when she acts as if you're some idiot who got sweet-talked into something he shouldn't have done? The dross who has served his purpose and can now be treated like a piece of crap?

 

If you think the majority of women would stand up and applaud her for that kind of crassness, you must have spent most of your life in pretty unsavoury circles. To me, if a man applauds another man for treating a woman like sh*t after he's slept with her, that speaks of misogyny pure and simple. Just as it would be misandry for a woman to applaud the "So long, loser" woman who got her car fixed for free then dismissed the guy like a piece of crap.

 

It's hard to ascertain what the OP's goal in posting this thread was other than to either boast or fantasise. In the unlikely event that it's all true and he's genuinely flummoxed as to why women get pissed off about his "sleep with them then cold shoulder them" behaviour....he must be pretty thick. Regular people just don't like users of either gender. It's as simple as that.