Once I get it, I don't want it anymore..

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes, once we get what we want, we dispense harshly and leave.

[2sunny]

I'm not. I never told her I wanted a relationship. She just started smothering me, and I hate that. So I did what I always do, with the last girl, the girl before her, the girl that lied about bein pregnant, etc...I get cold and distant for a couple days...until my libido kicks in and then I'm back to doing what I do, charming them. I'm not being a liar, nor am I deceiving them.

 

i don't see it as bad or deceitful as long as you are completely honest with them. it may look like this if you're honest:

 

hey, i like you - but i don't intend to make YOU my priority... so when i get horny i'll call and if you're good with that - let's do it - but just understand it's only sex when i'm horny that i want from you.

 

THAT would be completely honest. then the gal has a choice to decide yes or no to a sex buddy - no romance involved.

[Beachgirl8]

This dream merchant character might seem like an unrealistic joke to many of you in different parts of the world... but where i am located his attitude is sadly prevalent and poisoning the general population of single men. They seem to think treating women like objects or annoyances is not only ok but something that will be rewarded by their peers. High- Five!!! I am not talking about young guys either...I've encountered guys past 50 years old that think an attitude like this is the cool, desirable way to be. It makes me sad.

[dreamingoftigers]

Me too and I have seen it at my old workplace. It is really sad.

[nalfy88]

I can see where you are coming from. I was meant to get to know someone who I think was in the same mindset and situation as you, very busy etc. I found out after this, that even I could use anyone I didn't care about, but men I like I would avoid like the plague, or at least try my best to.

 

When I was finally faced in a situation where a man I liked was in your position, I panicked, but at the same time couldn't help myself (I was only 19 years of age), though thankfully my intuition was able to override this as I was even more fearful of intimacy than normal (not going into detail). Therefore I only let it get as far as kissing and a first date, as I could not risk gaining feelings for him.

 

Though to be honest, I never would have slept with him, because I liked him, if that makes sense. I'm the same, men that have thrown themselves at me I have never liked, I've been able to use and throw away like dispensable rubbish, and I'm a very caring person. I was shocked at my behaviour because I realised I was being selfish, and that was not who I am, so stopped very early on. I think that's what you have to ask yourself. Are you a selfish person? If the answer's no stop it, as you are trying to be someone you're not, if you are then keep on, it's just a personality flaw and if they can't see through that then it's their fault. Though as I said if I liked a man, i wouldn't sleep with him, at those early stages anyways, so yes maybe they are just easy lol! In which case it's their stupidity I guess. I'm now very happy in a long term relationship with mr.right because I had the patience to wait, so maybe it's just a question of how long you can go without a bit of nooky lol!

[betterdeal]

I.e. The bit about stringing a girl on while banging others until she gives in.

 

That's called "multi-dating" and we weren't "official" and "I never said it was exclusive" etc etc. Women do the same thing.

 

Generally, if you can, you will, until such point as you decide it's all a bit too much of a faff and then one settles down.

[BetheButterfly]

This dream merchant character might seem like an unrealistic joke to many of you in different parts of the world... but where i am located his attitude is sadly prevalent and poisoning the general population of single men. They seem to think treating women like objects or annoyances is not only ok but something that will be rewarded by their peers. High- Five!!! I am not talking about young guys either...I've encountered guys past 50 years old that think an attitude like this is the cool, desirable way to be. It makes me sad.

 

Sad to say, it is true.

 

Thankfully, there are men who are not like this, but there are just as many men who are. What's the world coming to?

[BetheButterfly]

I actually end up pursuing and trying to maintain a stable relationship with women who don't put out too fast. Granted I'm ****ing other women while I'm talking to her, lol, I actually put in more effort and stick around.

 

If you keep this up, it's going to burn you someday... you might get Aids or some other disease and pass it along to the woman who you eventually love and respect, or the woman who you might one day want may not want you because of your cheating and blankety-blanking around, which shows that you have NO love and respect for her. Can you even love and respect a woman?

[betterdeal]

It seems like living on credit to me. The only way to save money is to spend less, and the same goes for relationships. Might mean being barren for a while, but it pays off in the end.

[dasein]

Sad to say, it is true.

 

Thankfully, there are men who are not like this, but there are just as many men who are. What's the world coming to?

 

Women who don't want this type of NSA activity outside of relationships shouldn't walk around through life with their ankles behind their ears, problem solved. But we all know that the real problem with OP's behavior is that he's making no attempt to please these women and getting what he wants anyway, and that's what infuriates you and others so much. It's the only explanation as to why people can get so worked about what two consenting adults they don't even know do together for their mutual pleasure.

[mr.dream merchant]

Update: Cut her loose. Told her things weren't vibing too well between us and that I could tell from experience it wasn't going to work out. She choked up a little bit, but she was cool about it. I felt kind of bad for her. :/

[Ginger Beer]

Sad to say, it is true.

 

Thankfully, there are men who are not like this, but there are just as many men who are. What's the world coming to?

 

A lot of men are, but it's easy to spot them. So easy that a woman does have total choice in whether she gets used or not.

 

Spotting a bad woman is harder.

[dreamingoftigers]

Women who don't want this type of NSA activity outside of relationships shouldn't walk around through life with their ankles behind their ears, problem solved. But we all know that the real problem with OP's behavior is that he's making no attempt to please these women and getting what he wants anyway, and that's what infuriates you and others so much. It's the only explanation as to why people can get so worked about what two consenting adults they don't even know do together for their mutual pleasure.

 

Nah, it's because a lot of us waited around when we were younger on a guy (no ankles behind head) and found out later that he was choosing the ankles behind head girls while wearing us down. OP is that guy. It's sad to see women with no self-respect throwing it all out to guys, hoping for some bit of affection/attention when he won't even want them for round 2.

 

We just don't tend to think the same. Yeah, sure, they weren't raised with the same values or whatever. But in general, it's just sad that some women are so naive as well. And that some guys pick up on this and use them for their inability to see past the obvious.

 

Update: Cut her loose. Told her things weren't vibing too well between us and that I could tell from experience it wasn't going to work out. She choked up a little bit, but she was cool about it. I felt kind of bad for her. :/

 

Maybe limiting sleeping with those you respect might be an option.

You might feel better about yourself as well.

If sex is as easy as going through a drive-through, intimacy is not going to hold much value and it will be harder to find a woman who values intimacy, because she will be able to tell that you don't.

 

A lot of men are, but it's easy to spot them. So easy that a woman does have total choice in whether she gets used or not.

 

Spotting a bad woman is harder.

 

Both genders seem to lack foresight with the other. Often you hear of women with the "bad boys." Often those same women are pulled in with smooth talk about how he just "wants to find the right girl" and that she is it. Both genders need to watch the actions of a person instead of getting sucked in by talk or by looks and attraction.

 

Humans tend to have blind spots when it comes to mating.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Update: Cut her loose. Told her things weren't vibing too well between us and that I could tell from experience it wasn't going to work out. She choked up a little bit, but she was cool about it. I felt kind of bad for her. :/

 

Nobody cares.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It should be noted that I cannot see TBF's posts.

 

Even though I think this OP is a pathetic loser, I wonder where the anti-bully brigade is tonight. Shouldn't they be thundering to his aid?

[sally4sara]

I notice there are a few folks whinging on about how women who don't secure a relationship before sex deserve what they get when they come across *******s like the OP. Why do they deserve to be treated with a lack of regard? Did they do something bad to someone? Did they in some way harm a fella like the OP? Did they run over your granny or crap on the windshield of your car?

 

I don't care if someone just likes casual sex or even tries to secure a relationship through showcasing their sexual talents. I might be aware there are twats like the OP out there who will use it against them, but I don't think they are doing something bad to anyone. These are not acts of ill will nor are they some awful experience they forced on another person. In fact, they did something nice yes - they helped create a moment of sexual pleasure with someone. I like feeling good; doesn't everyone?

 

So why would anyone who sees or hears of a guy laughing to himself over treating people he had a pleasurable moment with like they are as low for their part in the experience, find delight in the opportunity to say "serves you right" to women who had sex with him?

 

How pathetic their life must be to think of sex as a some dirty weapon to wield upon another person. Talk about having issues!

[betterdeal]

If he said, "I don't want anything serious with you - it was just sex" when a women asks about something more, he'd be fine. I think it's when the water-works get turned on that most guys get defensive. If he were to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it was just sex and I don't want anything more with you" if a woman reacts by crying or similar, he'd equally be fine.

 

He can assert position without being inconsiderate or nasty to do so. If he deceived them to begin with, a consequence is likely to be they will dislike him, as will others. People who practice tricks of verbal sleight of hand and otherwise abuse language are impossible to trust. That's why keeping you word and making your word clear are important.

[dasein]

The problem with this thread is the massive assumptions made in it just because OP has a cocky, young way of expressing himself. We know NOTHING about the women in question. Do they want a quick lay and want a bit more the next day? We don't know. Do they expect every man they sleep with to fall into line and become a BF? We don't know. Were they screwing him to make some other dude jealous or as a rebound? We don't know.

 

Here's what is known based on what OP posts. OP and these women are adults engaging in legal, consensual sexual activities. That's all we know. Yet OP is treated as if the women in question are actually the subject of the thread, their needs, their desires, instead of his issues, what he is "doing to them," as opposed to the simple issue he raises as to his lack of desire after NSA sex. And the comical thing about that is we know NOTHING about the women in question, and rather than deal with OP's topic, posters ASSUME and make up things about these women for the purpose of bashing, ranting and making character assassinations at OP. Ridiculous.

 

Why is this? I know already.

[dreamingoftigers]

Please explain Oh Psychic one.

 

You may wish to refer back a bit. The first postings I personally made were directly talking about brain function etc. regarding the OP.

 

But truly, his behaviour has a more negative effect on those around him, unless he picks up an STD from his activities or in the long-term does not give them up.

 

This isn't the "great feminist agenda" thread. It's the, "Jeepers, you are being a user and lying to yourself about it" thread.

[dasein]

Nah, it's because a lot of us waited around when we were younger on a guy (no ankles behind head) and found out later that he was choosing the ankles behind head girls while wearing us down. OP is that guy. It's sad to see women with no self-respect throwing it all out to guys, hoping for some bit of affection/attention when he won't even want them for round 2.

 

We have all been used in life. It sucks to be used. We have no idea whatsoever whether anyone is being used by OP in this thread, or even if these women are using OP, so bashing OP here is projection. Ironically, many posters in this thread are generalizing the women in question by making the assumption that their needs or desires aren't being met. Where are all the "generalization is bad" crusaders now? Or is it that generalizing women, their desires, as an entire gender is just fine when women do it for the purpose of laying blame on men, yet unacceptable when men do it? Sounds really hypocritical to me.

 

But in general, it's just sad that some women are so naive as well. And that some guys pick up on this and use them for their inability to see past the obvious.

 

Is this woman "naive?" Was she being "used" by men? If you didn't know she was keeping a spreadsheet and making a database of her conquests, merely that she had bedded lots of athletes at Duke, would you and other posters here rush to defend her sexual habits as "being used" by a bunch of guys?

 

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/484946-karen-owen-list-the-latest-on-the-duke-sex-scandal

 

Now, how much more do you know about OP's women? what their desires are? Is it possible they could be keeping a f-ck database or list? Is it possible that they ever bang hot guys so they can brag about it later to their GFs? Is it possible that they try on purpose to get the guys to fall for them afterwards as an ego or attention boost so they can then twist the guy around their finger, or manipulate him sexually? We simply don't know the facts and assumptions are unwarranted.

[dreamingoftigers]

We have all been used in life. It sucks to be used. We have no idea whatsoever whether anyone is being used by OP in this thread, or even if these women are using OP, so bashing OP here is projection. Ironically, many posters in this thread are generalizing the women in question by making the assumption that their needs or desires aren't being met. Where are all the "generalization is bad" crusaders now? Or is it that generalizing women, their desires, as an entire gender is just fine when women do it for the purpose of laying blame on men, yet unacceptable when men do it? Sounds really hypocritical to me.

 

I don't see very many posts where OP was "Bashed" except for the obvious choices of not making his intentions clear. T_C is of course an exception. The generalization is that they are not being told the whole picture, which is exactly what the OP has said and justified by claiming that they "are fooling themselves." You are right, I know next to nothing about his dates, except for what he is doing with them. And that is inappropriate and obviously user behaviour.

 

Is this woman "naive?" Was she being "used" by men? If you didn't know she was keeping a spreadsheet and making a database of her conquests, merely that she had bedded lots of athletes at Duke, would you and other posters here rush to defend her sexual habits as "being used" by a bunch of guys?

 

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/484946-karen-owen-list-the-latest-on-the-duke-sex-scandal

 

Now, how much more do you know about OP's women? what their desires are? Is it possible they could be keeping a f-ck database or list? Is it possible that they ever bang hot guys so they can brag about it later to their GFs? Is it possible that they try on purpose to get the guys to fall for them afterwards as an ego or attention boost so they can then twist the guy around their finger, or manipulate him sexually? We simply don't know the facts and assumptions are unwarranted.

 

The same behaviour is inappropriate for the opposite sex as well. What OP is doing is inappropriate and it doesn't matter what genitals the OP is packing. In fact, it doesn't even matter half as much because they are not here posting about it and he is. He is soliciting the opinions on LS and getting the response. If the Duke girl were to come on LS, you are right, it is very doubtful that anyone would call her naive or have much respect for her, period. Of course, there are always the fringes of a bell curve where some would think she is championing some great spreadsheet movement.

 

The fact that they are being "smothering" afterwards shows that the OP has left a loose end open, the obvious one being the one that he didn't close: that he wasn't interested in them for more then sex.

 

If he had closed that loop and women kept contacting him anyways, he probably would have started a thread about how these women whom he had clear NSA sex kept up with stalkerish behaviours.

[dasein]

But truly, his behaviour has a more negative effect on those around him,

 

Total assumption, nothing OP has posted leads to this conclusion. Projection. The only issue raised by OP is why he feels burnt out after NSA sex, and that is an issue few in the thread want to discuss, instead just jumping on the bash bandwagon.

 

This isn't the "great feminist agenda" thread. It's the, "Jeepers, you are being a user and lying to yourself about it" thread.

 

More unwarranted assumption, or rather quote any "using" by OP going on in this thread. Consensual sex is not "taking something" from a woman, that's a horribly outdated, sexist attitude that precludes women having control over their own sexual desires and behavior. Are women adults who self-determine their behavior, sexual and otherwise, and deal with the consequences, or are they little children who need paternal or maternal protection from all the crafty "users" out there?

 

A real "user" sends flowers, courts, professes the desire for a relationship, basically lies, then pumps and dumps. OP isn't doing any of this, is transparent in what he wants, even an otherwise stupid woman can spot him coming and going and decide if her desires mesh with his. Lots of women have sex for sex sake.

[Memphis Raines]

Recap of the past month. Been taking occasional trips to the vacated office we use for storage with my lovely co-worker. In there we make out, she ends up giving me fellatio, and twice now she's swallowed. Wow!

 

I've been getting alot of attention on POF. It got to the point where I had so many dates set up I just started blowing women off. I'm actually doing that this weekend as well. I'm booked Fri, Sat and Sun, but I'm gonna blow Fri off just because I want some time to myself. Yesterday, one lovely woman I met on POF came by, we hung out and talked. I could tell she was attracted to me just by her body language. Plus she's seen pictures of my physique and such, so she knew what I had going on under the clothing. We made our way back to my car, and she wanted to sit inside and talk.

 

But before even continuing this story, 3 hours prior to her showing up to see me, I had just got done having sex with my co-worker in the storage room. At the end of my shift I had to quickly wash my genitalia with soap and water, get the smell of her perfume off of my neck and clothes (wanted to play it safe).

 

So continuing the story with the POF girl, we go in my car and chit chat. She plays some songs we like, and somehow her feet ended up in my lap and I was giving her a foot massage. One thing led to another, we make out, her clothes come off, next thing I know she's giving me the best fellatio I've ever had in my life. Deep throat and all (I'm not a small guy). So she takes my hand and places it on her vagina, and I mean, she's just drenched, sopping with vaginal lubrication. So....****, I did what any other guy would've done, I ****ed her for an hour. She came multiple times, I had trouble arriving because of my previous encounter. Finally I arrived, she let me dispense it onto her face (Wow!). After that we kicked back for about 20 then I took off.

 

Now all day today she's been trying to text and maintain communication. And I'm just not feeling it. I feel smothered. I don't even want to talk to her at the moment, at least not until I'm horny. I don't even talk to my co-worker unless I want some fun. This is a re-occurring issue. I get what I want, then I get cold on them. Of course they notice, because before I got what I wanted, I was very sweet to them. Very caring, attentive, etc. Compliment them, make them smile, etc. They eat that **** up.

 

Lol, I have no clue. All I know is, just her texting me is making me feel claustrophobic. She got pissed off with me, got all salty and was like "going to bed. night." I just said "ok.".

 

Not to mention I ****ed two women within a window of 3-4 hours? That's a milestone for my sex life. Aaah, what am I going to do with myself. The ****ed up part is, I can't stop thinking about how sexually loose these women are. Why would I ever date them? Wtf.

 

you are the kind of guy women go for, complain and bitch about when they get played, but then end up going back to you.

 

you are doing us a service my man. These women then later on decide they don't want the drama and look for the exact opposite in a guy. Thats when the rest of us can be very choosy.

 

Nothing better than to be able to pick from women who have grown up and are tired of the games. But then again, knowing they would go for someone like you back in the day, they don't keep my interest.

[dasein]

I don't see very many posts where OP was "Bashed" except for the obvious choices of not making his intentions clear

 

Then you are the one who hasn't read the thread. Choose reality. None of the rest of your post was responsive to mine. Have had my say here anyway.

[dreamingoftigers]

Total assumption, nothing OP has posted leads to this conclusion. Projection. The only issue raised by OP is why he feels burnt out after NSA sex, and that is an issue few in the thread want to discuss, instead just jumping on the bash bandwagon.

 

Um, feel free to reread the thread where he specifically states that he does not clear up any misconception and keeps in contact with them, while feeling "smothered." And that it is kind of like "revenge" for him to drop them afterward. Yes, that pretty much clears that. Even the one girl he dropped he feels "kinda bad" about because she clearly was not made aware of the situation, because he did not tell her.

 

My first postings listed the reasons for "NSA burnout."

 

 

More unwarranted assumption, or rather quote any "using" by OP going on in this thread. Consensual sex is not "taking something" from a woman, that's a horribly outdated, sexist attitude that precludes women having control over their own sexual desires and behavior. Are women adults who self-determine their behavior, sexual and otherwise, and deal with the consequences, or are they little children who need paternal or maternal protection from all the crafty "users" out there?

 

A real "user" sends flowers, courts, professes the desire for a relationship, basically lies, then pumps and dumps. OP isn't doing any of this, is transparent in what he wants, even an otherwise stupid woman can spot him coming and going and decide if her desires mesh with his. Lots of women have sex for sex sake.

 

The vast majority of people on this planet risk attachment after having sex. It is part of our design. This is not a debatable, unsure mystery. That is why it is a social norm to clear with a partner what your intentions are prior to it. If not, it falls to some type of attachment by default. It has nothing to do with women being "childlike." Quite the opposite. It has to do with OP not taking adult responsibility for his own behaviour.

 

Yes they have the responsibility to protect themselves BUT we also have to responsibility to be crystal clear in situations like this.

 

Especially since the consequences for sex can be life-altering.

 

Stupid does not make someone any less human.