Girlfriends body seriously grossing me out.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

It's like if most men in the US were alcoholics,and you were determined not to marry one. Your dad wan't one nor was your mum... You notice your fiance starts drinking more and more. You drop hints, nothing, but everyone says "Youmustn't mention his drinking because it will upset him"

You have 2 choices, upset him by telling him the truth and your standards and expectations, or you marry a drunk... that's all Coolest...

 

Well, you forgot to mention the other, very obvious choice: Acknowledge that the fact that you are "grossed out" by your girlfriend signifies a basic incompatibility, and break up.

 

Which would also be a very correct choice if a person is married to an alcoholic.

 

We can't change other people.

[Yamaha]

I think your gf wants and expects you to dump her.

 

You talk about how much you love her, except for her size, but how does she really feel about you?

[TheCoolest]

I think your gf wants and expects you to dump her.

 

You talk about how much you love her, except for her size, but how does she really feel about you?

 

Almost broke up once. She cried her eyes out all night. If she wanted to break up with me i am pretty sure she would.

[cheergirl]

Well, you forgot to mention the other, very obvious choice: Acknowledge that the fact that you are "grossed out" by your girlfriend signifies a basic incompatibility, and break up.

 

Which would also be a very correct choice if a person is married to an alcoholic.

 

We can't change other people.

 

If I am not mistaken, she's put on the weight since they've been together...

[cheergirl]

That's not what anyone is saying at all. No, he shouldn't have to babysit her, but approaching it from the angle of "you gross me out" isn't going to help. Would you like someone to say "this bit about you grosses me out, it's repulsive"? Really????

 

He's talking about marrying this girl, yet seems more concerned with what people think of him, and that he can get hotter. Approaching it from a health angle isn't hiding his feelings/opinion, but it's doing it from an angle she may understand and is tactful. Outright telling someone you're struggling to get a hard-on because of their weight is just one way to blow her self-esteem to shreds. Isn't she a person too? Does the fact that she has a bit of weight on her seem to cushion the blow?

 

Actually he's never said he had the intention of doing any such thing!

You and many others are chastising him for something he's never going to do. Who said he's insensitive? Uncaring?

He's posting his honest feelings about his attitude towards her body, very dif from saying it to her face, no?

 

You're making him responsible for her self-esteem, yet absolving her of any responsibility towards his self-esteem, image of himself... If that's what he wants, he should seek a partner who wants to give that to him, not be castigated for acknowledging his dissatisfaction with his current situation...

[VertexSquared]

If anything, I'd go from the health angle. Being overweight is really unhealthy, and it says a lot about your personality if you're the type of person who isn't diligent about treating yourself properly.

[BetheButterfly]

Some people classify feeding kids junk food and letting them get overweight as abuse. I know I do.

 

Agreed.

 

OP, I suggest you prepare what you want to say to her, and make sure the words are loving but firm. DO NOT SAY YOU GROSS ME OUT!!!

 

After you are prepared and when she is in a good mood (this is important and not pmsing!!!) THEN do something nice for her and sit down and have a little talk time with her. Ask her some questions that are comfortable, and then tell her something like this:

 

"I love you and you are very special to me. It makes me sad though to see you not taking care of yourself. I feel better when I am fit, and it would help you to feel better if you lost some weight. Please don't get mad at me. Doctors say not gaining weight and watching what you eat and exercising is good for you. I want to help you. So, what can I do to help?"

 

And then see what she says. Watch your tone and make sure your tone is not haughty, mad, condescending, jokey, or anything other than exuding pure concern and care. Good luck

[stillafool]

Almost broke up once. She cried her eyes out all night. If she wanted to break up with me i am pretty sure she would.

 

So are you going to break up with her?

[welikeincrowds]

I see this lots, and have said it myself, also "don't ask people to change to suit you, find someone compatible." It's good common sense advice. But does it apply as much in situations like OP's where his partner started out one way, then changed out of the blue? Let's say you, a nonsmoker, marry someone who doesn't smoke, then they start smoking fairly heavily after a couple years of marriage, and insist on smoking in the house and car with you. Is it your right to ask them to change back to what you thought you married? or does the "can't change people" still apply? Is asking someone to change back the same as asking them to change? It's an interesting question.

 

It's not a matter of ethics. You can ask your partner to do anything you want.

 

The problem is that they can only do what they do. You can lead her hand to a dumbbell, but you can't make her lift, you know what I mean? That advice is so given because it can save you a lot of time, effort, and frustration in trying to argue, threaten, and plead with someone who won't change, because they are not inspired.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mme. Chaucer

We can't change other people.

 

 

I see this lots, and have said it myself, also "don't ask people to change to suit you, find someone compatible." It's good common sense advice. But does it apply as much in situations like OP's where his partner started out one way, then changed out of the blue? Let's say you, a nonsmoker, marry someone who doesn't smoke, then they start smoking fairly heavily after a couple years of marriage, and insist on smoking in the house and car with you. Is it your right to ask them to change back to what you thought you married? or does the "can't change people" still apply? Is asking someone to change back the same as asking them to change? It's an interesting question.

 

I didn't say we can't ASK them to change; I said we can't change them.

 

I believe it's a losing battle to pick a person who would be just perfect, if only ... and then, commence with the remodel attempts.

 

I agree that it's a different story if you get together with a person and then they change in a way that is not agreeable to you. I do NOT think it's your "right" to have them back to the way that they used to be, though it's your right to ask for it, or to discuss it. And, it's also your "right" to move on if the "new" way your partner has become no longer works for you.

 

That's one reason why many deep love relationships don't turn out to be eternal. People do change ... for better or for worse.

 

Listen, all you younguns: NOBODY is going to be the "same" as they were when you got married, if your marriage ends up spanning a good deal of time. Some of the changes are not good - like letting ones body go, or taking up a bad habit like smoking. Some of them are good. And, some of them are a matter of perspective. For example, if you marry a young woman who just wanted to keep house for you and be sexy when you got home from work, but after a while she decides that she wants to return to school and become a doctor: No, it's not your "right" to have her be the same way she was when you married. It's HER "right" to pursue a fulfilling life for herself, and you have the exact same one. This might mean that you'd have to ask her to return to the way she used to be, and if she refused - you'd have to choose to accept the new style wife, or to terminate.

 

We all hope that a marital relationship can encompass the way people grow and change.

 

And, I won't even start with the realities of age ... the body changes! And there are health issues ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

For example, suppose you marry a gal who dresses nice, beautifies herself and seeks to make herself attractive (Could be a guy either way). Then once she has children, she cuts her hair way short, starts dressing in a very mommy utility belt way always, and stops paying any attention at all to her appearance and sex falls through the floor. The guy equivalent might be a dude who pours on the charm and romantic gestures then turns into a TV sports perma knob after marriage when he isn't working 70 hours a week and never at home. I think a person who does those kinds of things is fraudulent, and if subtle hints don't work, needs to have their fraud put in their face rather bluntly. To entice someone into marriage or serious commitment like that and then do a complete about face once they feel securely entrenched is just plain evil to me. Now people change over time and years, that's not what I'm talking about, but rather very drastic changes.

 

Regarding the bolded: I don't agree that it's evil or fraudulent. I think it's just another example of humans being human.

 

Really, we are socialized to be attractive to attract a mate. It's biological, too. So lots of people probably are completely unconscious (rather than fraudulent and evil) that their gradual slide into matron or Homer Simpson is happening. It just is. And sometimes damage is done to the relationship before either person can change the course.

 

Back to the OP - I ALWAYS believe that we just like what we like, and if we don't like something or feel drawn to an aspect of a person, we cannot force ourselves, nor should we feel guilty about that. BUT, I think that a person who purports to love another owes it to the loved one to approach their shortcomings with care and ... love.

 

And, I'm sorry about the angle of this whole scenario that is hingeing upon what the OP's friends think about the girlfriend. That IS shallow, though feeling attracted to beauty is not.

Edited July 6, 2011 by Mme. Chaucer

[cheergirl]

For example, suppose you marry a gal who dresses nice, beautifies herself and seeks to make herself attractive (Could be a guy either way). Then once she has children, she cuts her hair way short, starts dressing in a very mommy utility belt way always, and stops paying any attention at all to her appearance and sex falls through the floor.

I think a person who does those kinds of things is fraudulent, and if subtle hints don't work, needs to have their fraud put in their face rather bluntly. To entice someone into marriage or serious commitment like that and then do a complete about face once they feel securely entrenched is just plain evil to me. Now people change over time and years, that's not what I'm talking about, but rather very drastic changes.

 

within a short space of time before the marriage!:eek:

I think FRAUDULENT, EVIL are absolutely appropriate words here...

The old bait & switch... A man works hard, forks out for a top-of-the-range Ferrarri sports and in 5 years it depreciates to a 10yr old gremlin??? And he should be fine with that??? (And yes, I am equating marrying a woman with buying a car, aside from all the hearts, flowers, romance/ Disney bs, it's a contract, a legally binding one, which if he tries to get out of he's gonna have to pay dearly...)

We've know men are visual and his outlet for sex w/in the marriage is now gone because she's too fat for him. God forbid he tries to find another outlet, porn/prostitutes/affairs because she will divorce him so fast it will make his head spin and squeeze him dry/turn the kids on him in the process.

He should just put up with that, and say hey that's life according to many here... he should just love her...yeah, yeah...

 

Same situation, but instead, the guy gets married, loses his job, starts to drink goes on welfare, you get the idea... Instead of the life she expected, stay-at-home mum, nice vacations, decent standard of living, she and her kids are now on food stamps she's working in the grocery store F/T, and hubby's on the sofa F/T, + 50 lbs heavier...

How many of you would be telling this woman, just encourage him gently... It may take time... You don't want to hurt his feelings...

Any of you?

I doubt it, neither would I, because that's NOT WHAT SHE SIGNED UP FOR.

It cannot be both ways, either both are wrong or neither, anything else is sexism...

 

 

 

 

I didne't say we can't ASK them to change; I said we can't change them.

 

I believe it's a losing battle to pick a person who would be just perfect, if only ... and then, commence with the remodel attempts.

 

Nobody is talking about remodeling, rather unwanted expansion

to an unrecognisable degree... That's different.

 

I agree that it's a different story if you get together with a person and then they change in a way that is not agreeable to you. I do NOT think it's your "right" to have them back to the way that they used to be, though it's your right to ask for it, or to discuss it. And, it's also your "right" to move on if the "new"(as in fat) way your partner has become no longer works for you.

 

So if this is the husband, full time earner in the house, he will have to divorce her (expensive) move out, (expensive) leave his family home and children all because she can't control what she puts in her mouth and is too lazy to exercise.. That sounds fair/reasonable, not!

 

That's one reason why many deep love relationships don't turn out to be eternal. People do change ... for better or for worse.

 

And real life isn't a Disney movie and people have to take responsibility.

 

Listen, all you younguns: NOBODY is going to be the "same" as they were when you got married, if your marriage ends up spanning a good deal of time. Some of the changes are not good - like letting ones body go, or taking up a bad habit like smoking. Some of them are good. And, some of them are a matter of perspective. For example, if you marry a young woman who just wanted to keep house for you and be sexy when you got home from work, but after a while she decides that she wants to return to school and become a doctor: No, it's not your "right" to have her be the same way she was when you married. It's HER "right" to pursue a fulfilling life for herself, and you have the exact same one. This might mean that you'd have to ask her to return to the way she used to be, and if she refused - you'd have to choose to accept the new style wife, or to terminate.

 

I think most guys are not worried about their wives pursuing a medical career after the kids get older, most of them are worried about their young wives becoming unrecognisable after a couple of kids...

 

We all hope that a marital relationship can encompass the way people grow and change.

 

But if before you even get married they change into something you don't recognise, don't say you were not warned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really, we are socialized to be attractive to attract a mate. It's biological, too. So lots of people probably are completely unconscious (rather than fraudulent and evil) that their gradual slide into matron or Homer Simpson is happening. It just is.

 

I REALLY TAKE ISSUE WITH THIS. You're basically excusing people for gaining massive amounts of weight and saying they just don't notice? Are you kidding me? That is the epitome of not taking responsibility; for your health or appearence. "I just didn't notice:rolleyes::rolleyes:. Classic!

 

And sometimes damage is done to the relationship before either person can change the course.

 

Back to the OP - I ALWAYS believe that we just like what we like, and if we don't like something or feel drawn to an aspect of a person, we cannot force ourselves, nor should we feel guilty about that. BUT, I think that a person who purports to love another owes it to the loved one to approach their shortcomings with care and ... love.

 

And if you love a person and they love you too, you should care enough to notice yourself and your body, mind spirit & attitude and how it affects your partner, surely that too, is love...

And, I'm sorry about the angle of this whole scenario that is hingeing upon what the OP's friends think about the girlfriend. That IS shallow, though feeling attracted to beauty is not.

 

I think he's being honest, we all care to some extent what others think rightly or wrongly. If he doesn't feel comfortable walking down the street with a fat gf, being seen in public by his mates; he should be able to address it here w/o being judged as shallow. perhaps you don't agree, but it's how he feels and it is valid...

[OliveOyl]

within a short space of time before the marriage!:eek:

Same situation, but instead, the guy gets married, loses his job, starts to drink goes on welfare, you get the idea... Instead of the life she expected, stay-at-home mum, nice vacations, decent standard of living, she and her kids are now on food stamps she's working in the grocery store F/T, and hubby's on the sofa F/T, + 50 lbs heavier...

How many of you would be telling this woman, just encourage him gently... It may take time... You don't want to hurt his feelings...

Any of you?

I doubt it, neither would I, because that's NOT WHAT SHE SIGNED UP FOR.

It cannot be both ways, either both are wrong or neither, anything else is sexism...

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of life is "not what we signed up for." Some of it we can't opt out of either (nor would we choose to).

 

I'm not saying that the OP should stay with his GF. Just making a statement that sometimes life is what happens when we're making other plans...

[cheergirl]

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of life is "not what we signed up for." Some of it we can't opt out of either (nor would we choose to).

I'm not saying that the OP should stay with his GF. Just making a statement that sometimes life is what happens when we're making other plans...

 

You're not breaking anything to me, i know that...

Just please don't try to equate gaining 50lbs w/developing leukemia, okay?

Please...

There are enough uncertainties in life, watching you weight/health is one of your responsibilities.

[Mme. Chaucer]

You're not breaking anything to me, i know that...

Just please don't try to equate gaining 50lbs w/developing leukemia, okay?

Please...

There are enough uncertainties in life, watching you weight/health is one of your responsibilities.

 

Cheergirl, I really need to tell you that from ALL your recent posts here on LS, I gather that you have a great deal to learn about life, and that it is going to be very difficult for you. You seem to have a giant chip on your shoulder and to be pretty enraged, too.

 

My perception of you is that you have more to worry about than weight gain at this point in your life.

 

People DO change, every which way, and if they have a mate, that person either needs to work with the changes some way or move on.

 

This OP is going to have to accept his girlfriend as she is, or move on. If he chooses the first option, he needs to choose if and how to talk with her about his reactions to her weight gain. That's all there is to it.

 

Evidently you think of yourself as a "Ferrari" and you don't have a weight problem. Good for you. I assure you that being a "Ferrari" is not going to stop the cheating man from cheating on YOU. It is not going to assure you that your man will continue to find you alluring and treat you like he does (as evidently you've experienced in your marriage). It is not going to make a superficial, false relationship into a real and enduring one.

 

Don't bother arguing with me, I already know you disagree heartily. It would be gratifying to me to be in your conscience when you wake up a little bit, though.

 

And, posting in all bold type is very rude, akin to POSTING IN ALL CAPS. It's like yelling at people.

[welikeincrowds]

And, posting in all bold type is very rude, akin to POSTING IN ALL CAPS. It's like yelling at people.

 

:lmao:

 

I was wondering if someone would call her out on that. I mean cheergirl, you have to go up there with your little mouse and press that little "B" button. It's not an accident. And obviously, no one else is doing that. So why are you doing that!?!?

 

...????????, ??? ???? ????, ?????????? ? ??? ?? ???. ???'?? ?????? ???????? ??. ?'?? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ??????? ????? ?? ? ?????? ??????, ??? ?'?? ????? ??????? ?? ?? ?? ????????? ????? ???. ????? ??? ??? ??????? ?? ??? ???.

[stace79]

Good grief. This thread is getting ridiculous. My SO used to feel "uneasy" about being with me in front of his friends because I'm a little overweight... not obese or anything, but I'm certainly no stick figure. HE is attracted to my body type - curvy - but he was worried what his friends would think.

 

After he grew up a bit, he realized that what his friends think is not as important as whether or not he loves ME for ME. So, what other people think should not matter about your relationship, and if it does, then the OP needs to reexamine that part of himself.

 

If he truly isn't attracted to her anymore, then he needs to find a way to respectfully talk to the gf about it.

 

And lastly, life rarely even is "what you signed up for". I'm imagining cheergirl is about 17 or 18 with a lot to learn. Things change all the time, and I hate to break it to you, but if you don't realize that your H will change, you should probably not get married.

 

People are not cars. People change and evolve over time. ALL of us do. So to expect someone to remain exactly the same forever and ever is ridiculous. And if that's the way you're looking at marriage, I hope you're prepared for thousands of dollars of plastic surgery so that you can remain exactly the same for your H.

[cheergirl]

You seem to have a giant chip on your shoulder and to be pretty enraged, too.

 

Uh, no not really... quite happy really...

 

My perception of you is that you have more to worry about than weight gain at this point in your life.

 

Chip, enraged, worried, all wrong.. so much for your perception:rolleyes:

 

People DO change, every which way, and if they have a mate, that person either needs to work with the changes some way or move on.

 

Sound like you're trying to make excuses for massive weight gain, again...

Sorry but I won't budge on this...

 

 

Evidently you think of yourself as a "Ferrari"

 

Actually, it was not a self-referential analogy, not at all...

(But, if I were to compare myself to a car it might be a 57 Corvette, because it's classic, pretty, different and a bit of a goer...)

 

Don't bother arguing with me, (I'll bet not a lot of people do that...) I already know you disagree heartily. It would be gratifying to me to be in your conscience when you wake up a little bit, though.:lmao:

 

And, posting in all bold type is very rude, akin to POSTING IN ALL CAPS. It's like yelling at people.

 

Well I'm not cheergirl but wow the above is really nasty and condescending.

 

I disagree, she doesn't seem enraged at all, just matter of fact and opinionated, like lots of us are. How do you define enraged? Haven't seen much rage in this board, go to some political forums on news sites and you will see some rage lol.

 

I think, to the wife of Bath, sorry, Madam Chaucer; "enraged"= my opinion is different to you and I can't win the argument logically so I'll resort to personal attacks... lol...

 

That's not true at all. People use bold to separate what they say from what they quote. It's not at all like using allcaps.

 

"I'll resort to lies as well..":rolleyes:

 

:lmao:

 

I was wondering if someone would call her out on that. I mean cheergirl, you have to go up there with your little mouse and press that little "B" button. It's not an accident. And obviously, no one else is doing that. So why are you doing that!?!?

 

Oh hi, I didn't realise i was supposed to be doing "what everyone else is doing...":o Unlike yourself, I like to stand out from the crowd;)

Seriously though, i bold my replies to differentiate my reply from the text of the post to which I 'm replying. Sorry it's so confusing, (also it's easier to read, for me)...

 

So there you have it OP.

Many people think you should tiptoe and beg and hope your gf decides to someday change her mind and get back into shape... I wish you luck...

Some people think you should cut and run.

I'll leave you with this thought:

 

"True love is great; but if is not backed up with mutual respect for each partners' preferences, then is it love at all?

Trying to keep this general, a partner who indulges in behaviour that causes fundamental "repulsive" physical/psychological/mental change in his/herself; change that is not the result of illness or misfortune or in someway unavoidable; that partner is just plain selfish.

Becoming addicted to food or anything else whilst you are married or in a committed LTR and then expecting everything to stay the same is not realistic... And I think what differentiates me from others here, is a staunch refusal deny reality:p

[Stung]

Just please don't try to equate gaining 50lbs w/developing leukemia, okay?

Please...

 

 

I'm staying out of the general thrust of this thread because these always devolve and nobody ever seems to change their minds or be open to switching perspectives, but the above actually made me laugh--because the exact same poster just equated a woman gaining 50 pounds, with a man gaining 50 pounds AND losing his job, becoming an alcoholic, and abandoning responsibility for his children.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm staying out of the general thrust of this thread because these always devolve and nobody ever seems to change their minds or be open to switching perspectives, but the above actually made me laugh--because the exact same poster just equated a woman gaining 50 pounds, with a man gaining 50 pounds AND losing his job, becoming an alcoholic, and abandoning responsibility for his children.

 

Yip. Being a fat woman is about the worst thing a human can stoop to, according to some people. I can't relate to a value system that would uphold that ... but as I said, I honestly believe that this particular poster has some serious learnin' via the famous School Of Hard Knocks in their future.

 

One more response to the deafening one:

 

Many people think you should tiptoe and beg and hope your gf decides to someday change her mind and get back into shape...

 

What evidently eludes you completely, oh cheerful one, is the concept of broaching sensitive subjects with kindness and compassion, especially with someone we care about.

 

I hope that most people here on LS would agree with that. Or, maybe I wish they would.

[D-Lish]

I think this is a classic case of when a woman looking her best to snag a boyfriend and when she gets him hooked she lets herself go. This is what happened to me when I met my wife she was in pretty good shape for the longest but after marriage and a kid together, now she's well....

 

I don't understand that mentality, I really don't. I don't just want to look my very best for my partner, I want to do it for ME- I've always felt that way.

[LittleTiger]

I think this is a classic case of when a woman looking her best to snag a boyfriend and when she gets him hooked she lets herself go. This is what happened to me when I met my wife she was in pretty good shape for the longest but after marriage and a kid together, now she's well....

 

I think this is a classic case of a girl who struggles with her weight (the OP is well aware that she was overweight in the past) and finds it very difficult to stay in shape. As it is clearly a long term problem, it is almost certainly due to psychological issues.

 

Most people of a normal weight (who have never been more than a few pounds overweight, due to to eg Christmas or holiday excesses) have no comprehension of what it's like to deal with a body that naturally sits at a higher weight or what it's like to see food as a way of dealing with difficult emotions.

 

People with a long term weight problem have a lifetime battle on their hands unless they deal with the psychological issues that cause them to overeat.

 

The OPs girlfriend is not being dishonest or doing a 'bait and switch'. He knows that she was fat before - it was always a risk that she would get fat again. Just because he has managed to deal with his own 'fat demons', it doesn't mean that she has. Not only is it easier for a man to stay fit once he gets fit (that's just how the human body works), but they are two entirely different people and their reasons for getting fat were different.

 

OP, you remember how it felt when you were fat? You remember how good it felt when you got fit as you are now? You know how good it feels to be fit as you are now? Imagine, just for a second, that for some reason you lost control again and ended up back where you were before. How does that make you feel? I hope you can put yourself in that situation because, only then, will you even begin to understand what your girlfriend is going through.

 

If you genuinely love her and you want this relationship to work, have some compassion and understanding. Sit down with her and talk to her about what's going on in her head and ask her how she really feels about her weight.

 

If she's happy as she is, then you have the choice to end the relationship. If she isn't happy, which I suspect is the real case, then you can offer your love and your support. Think of her as someone who is unwell rather than someone who is lazy and doesn't care about you.

 

You are ok. She is the one with the weight problem. Her weight is her problem and she's the one who is suffering - this is NOT about you. If you can't love her and support her, then you might as well leave. You'll be better off without each other.

Edited July 8, 2011 by LittleTiger

[Mme. Chaucer]

What Little Tiger said.

 

Anybody who has ever struggled with their weight out there?

 

What do you think your response would be if your partner sat you down and said to you, "Your body grosses me out, and I think you are an evil fraud for gaining weight."

 

What are the chances you'd react to that by suddenly shaping up and eating right?

[elleorbianca]

Be honest with her or break up.

 

My fiance loves my body type. But he told me when it was time to hit the squat rack. I did and now he adores my body again. I actually think you should have been a little harder on her before it got this bad. It's hard to change when you have so much to lose. It's like you feel hopeless and feel like you might as well continue eating. Maybe that's how she's feeling.

 

Tell her that you love her and want to be with her but it's a SERIOUS problem and a threat to your relationship because attraction is very important. If she doesn't do anything about it, take it as disrespect and a sign that you should break up with her.

[Trojan John]

The only reason she struggles with her weight is because, as the OP has stated, she refuses to workout and sits around eating junk foods.

 

He knows exactly what it's like to be fat, and he is leading by example in keeping himself fit. He should not have to twist her arm, beg, plead, cajole, or constantly reinforce her in order for her to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

[LittleTiger]

If she doesn't do anything about it, take it as disrespect and a sign that you should break up with her.

 

The only person she is disrespecting is herself! I get the feeling that if she was a drug addict or an alcoholic she would get more sympathy.

 

The irony is that if she stopped overeating and allowed her real feelings to surface, she would probably become depressed or anxious or exhibit other signs of psychological distress.

 

I wonder if everyone would be so judgemental then. I can just see it - "OP, dump her, she's being disrespectful because she won't cheer up"!