Girlfriends body seriously grossing me out.

[LittleTiger]

The only reason she struggles with her weight is because, as the OP has stated, she refuses to workout and sits around eating junk foods.

 

He knows exactly what it's like to be fat, and he is leading by example in keeping himself fit. He should not have to twist her arm, beg, plead, cajole, or constantly reinforce her in order for her to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

 

The only reason?

 

1) This is just the OPs perception of the situation - it's not his girlfriend's reality.

 

2) Do you really believe that psychologically healthy, happy people sit around eating junk food?

 

3) He knows what it's like to be a fat 'man' who has managed to get himself fit and keep himself that way - he does not know what it's like to be a fat woman, who has managed to get fit and then lose control and end up right back where she started.

 

It is physiologically much, much easier for a man to get fit and stay that way. There is simply no comparison between a man's physiology and a woman's when it comes to weight loss and weight gain. Due to hormonal differences, men are not biologically predisposed to store fat the way that women are and women are not biologically capable of gaining muscle the way that men are. The average healthy woman has around 27% body fat, the average healthy man has around 15% body fat. Since muscle requires around 15 times more calories per day to function than fat does, once a man is reasonably fit it's not that difficult for him to stay that way - in comparison with a woman. Even the average man can eat considerably more than most women and stay fit - even if he sits around doing nothing. Add to that the fact that this girl almost certainly has some psychological distress and we're not even talking about the same subject.

[KathyM]

If having a physically fit girlfriend or wife is very important to you, and you are sure you are not going to balloon back to obese, then you'd best let her go her separate way. She'll only get worse as time goes on. You can't nag or pressure someone to get in shape if they aren't motivated themselves to do it, and if they get in shape temporarily just to please you, it likely won't last.

[Dusk1983]

The only reason?

 

1) This is just the OPs perception of the situation - it's not his girlfriend's reality.

 

 

And its your perception that there are underlying psychological issues at work, rather than just typical human complacency.

 

And as he knows her intimately, let's take his estimation of her 'reality' above yours.

 

 

2) Do you really believe that psychologically healthy, happy people sit around eating junk food?

 

 

 

Let me think - most of the general Western population? That's not even a serious question.

 

IMO your outlook and most of this thread gets right at the heart of why the problem of obesity is as endemic and intractable as it is (half the US population, or whatever it stands at) - we have entire industries creating all manner of justifications for it, when parsimony as ever provides the best explanation in the vast majority of cases. Yep, our oldest friends, plain old human greed and laziness.

[AlexDP]

The only reason?

 

1) This is just the OPs perception of the situation - it's not his girlfriend's reality.

 

2) Do you really believe that psychologically healthy, happy people sit around eating junk food?

 

3) He knows what it's like to be a fat 'man' who has managed to get himself fit and keep himself that way - he does not know what it's like to be a fat woman, who has managed to get fit and then lose control and end up right back where she started.

 

It is physiologically much, much easier for a man to get fit and stay that way. There is simply no comparison between a man's physiology and a woman's when it comes to weight loss and weight gain. Due to hormonal differences, men are not biologically predisposed to store fat the way that women are and women are not biologically capable of gaining muscle the way that men are. The average healthy woman has around 27% body fat, the average healthy man has around 15% body fat. Since muscle requires around 15 times more calories per day to function than fat does, once a man is reasonably fit it's not that difficult for him to stay that way - in comparison with a woman. Even the average man can eat considerably more than most women and stay fit - even if he sits around doing nothing. Add to that the fact that this girl almost certainly has some psychological distress and we're not even talking about the same subject.

 

2) So what's your point? In addition to being fat, she probably has psychological issues. Another reason not to be with her. Great.

 

3) Yes, there are some very big differences. However men are also more forgiving. Women even need a bit of fat to be attractive in some cases. It is however fairly easy to not be obese for women.

[LittleTiger]

And its your perception that there are underlying psychological issues at work, rather than just typical human complacency.

 

And as he knows her intimately, let's take his estimation of her 'reality' above yours.

 

Let me think - most of the general Western population? That's not even a serious question.

 

IMO your outlook and most of this thread gets right at the heart of why the problem of obesity is as endemic and intractable as it is (half the US population, or whatever it stands at) - we have entire industries creating all manner of justifications for it, when parsimony as ever provides the best explanation in the vast majority of cases. Yep, our oldest friends, plain old human greed and laziness.

 

My 'outlook' is not just my 'outlook'. This happens to be my field of professional expertise. You can judge fat people based on your own perception of humans being greedy and lazy but that doesn't even come close to 'the heart' of the world obesity problem.

 

From everything the OP has said about his girlfriend I would be willing to bet I have more understanding of what's going on for her than he does - despite his 'intimate' knowledge of her.

 

He knows her so 'intimately' he has posted on a public forum for advice about telling his girlfriend she 'grosses him out' - if he really knew his girlfriend 'intimately' he would have had this conversation with her a long time ago and he certainly would not be accusing her of being greedy or lazy - to simply this subject to such a degree just shows a complete ignorance of human psychology and how it relates to obesity.

[Dusk1983]

From everything the OP has said about his girlfriend I would be willing to bet I have more understanding of what's going on for her than he does - despite his 'intimate' knowledge of her.

 

He knows her so 'intimately' he has posted on a public forum for advice about telling his girlfriend she 'grosses him out' - if he really knew his girlfriend 'intimately' he would have had this conversation with her a long time ago and he certainly would not be accusing her of being greedy or lazy - to simply this subject to such a degree just shows a complete ignorance of human psychology and how it relates to obesity.

 

Well, if he doesn't know her intimately after all these years, her weight is the least of their problems.

 

Although I might not work in the field now, my degree was Psychology and I also have some experience with Psychotherapy. My biggest problem with both fields is this kind of over-medicalisation and thus codification of fairly typical human flaws and frailties, re-framed as 'emotional disorders'. Not only do I think that's inaccurate, I also genuinely believe that this actively encourages personal weakness and the absolution of personal responsibility. In psych speak, over-diagnosis pushes 'the locus of control' away from the self, which is to nobody's benefit. Sadly, as a society, we're probably too far down this wrongheaded path to change direction.

 

On a related note, I also find it strange that a fat man is a slob - no questions asked, no need to look deeper. That's the prevailing conception. But not so with women, right? There is - naturally - a complex network of psychological and emotional issues at work. Always.

[stace79]

Well, if he doesn't know her intimately after all these years, her weight is the least of their problems.

 

Although I might not work in the field now, my degree was Psychology and I also have some experience with Psychotherapy. My biggest problem with both fields is this kind of over-medicalisation and thus codification of fairly typical human flaws and frailties, re-framed as 'emotional disorders'. Not only do I think that's inaccurate, I also genuinely believe that this actively encourages personal weakness and the absolution of personal responsibility. In psych speak, over-diagnosis pushes 'the locus of control' away from the self, which is to nobody's benefit. Sadly, as a society, we're probably too far down this wrongheaded path to change direction.

 

On a related note, I also find it strange that a fat man is a slob - no questions asked, no need to look deeper. That's the prevailing conception. But not so with women, right? There is - naturally - a complex network of psychological and emotional issues at work. Always.

 

I'm so glad you were never my therapist. A GOOD therapist helps you realize your "flaws" or your "emotional disorders" (choose whatever you want) and then LEARN productive strategies to combat them and improve yourself as a human being and enhance your wellbeing.

 

Most of you saying the gf is fat and lazy are treating relationships as if you are two people competing as adversaries. In a REAL and HEALTHY relationship, you are a team of two individuals helping and supporting each other.

 

If he is only selfish and caring about his own needs, then yes, by all means, the OP needs to just dump his gf and move on. If he really does love her, as he stated, then he should be finding ways they can beat this "problem" or "issue" together. That's what real partners do.

 

Sounds like most of you need to learn about true teamwork in a relationship before jumping into one. No wonder there is so much divorce.

[Dusk1983]

 

Most of you saying the gf is fat and lazy are treating relationships as if you are two people competing as adversaries. In a REAL and HEALTHY relationship, you are a team of two individuals helping and supporting each other.

 

If he is only selfish and caring about his own needs, then yes, by all means, the OP needs to just dump his gf and move on. If he really does love her, as he stated, then he should be finding ways they can beat this "problem" or "issue" together. That's what real partners do.

 

 

Did you even read his posts? He keeps on going to the gym, he keeps eating well, and he keeps encouraging his partner to do the same. Sounds like a 'real partner' to me. Problem is, his team mate isn't turning up to the game.

 

Face it - she has all the resources, support and incentive in the world to 'beat the problem' - side by side, with her 'team mate' - and yet clearly isn't prepared to put in the effort. It's that simple.

[stace79]

Did you even read his posts? He keeps on going to the gym, he keeps eating well, and he keeps encouraging his partner to do the same. Sounds like a 'real partner' to me. Problem is, his team mate isn't turning up to the game.

 

Face it - she has all the resources, support and incentive in the world to 'beat the problem' - side by side, with her 'team mate' - and yet clearly isn't prepared to put in the effort. It's that simple.

 

I was referring to most of the repliers, not the OP. My only problem with the OP is that he seems to be shallow in worrying so much what his mates think. I don't think that should play a role in things at all - only how HE feels about his gf and their relationship.

[frenchiefun]

Geezus, some of the men on this forum...

 

To the OP, your poor girlfriend is probably just as grossed out by your shallowness and self absorption as you are by her weight.

 

She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you what a jerk you are.

 

Its about time she found someone who will actually appreciate her as a person, rather than being with someone with such poor self esteem that he's worried that people will think less of him because he's walking down the street with a fat girl.

[BetheButterfly]

If having a physically fit girlfriend or wife is very important to you, and you are sure you are not going to balloon back to obese, then you'd best let her go her separate way. She'll only get worse as time goes on. You can't nag or pressure someone to get in shape if they aren't motivated themselves to do it, and if they get in shape temporarily just to please you, it likely won't last.

 

I disagree with this.

 

My man is incredibly physically fit and I am not, yet I'm working towards the goal of being more physically fit everyday. He encourages me and yes I have known since day one that he expects me to do my best. He accepts me how I am, and encourages me to get physically (and in other ways too) better. I need this.

 

Just giving up on someone you love who used to be physically fit and now isn't doesn't help anybody. She is hurting herself by letting herself go. As a person who has battled weight, I understand how yucky it feels to have extra flab around one's body... extra fat and weight that people are not NATURALLY made to have.

 

People who let themselves go physically are doing themselves no favors. All you have to do is watch the Biggest Loser and see how these valiant people have to overcome issues in their lives and low self-esteem AND endure the pain and emotional/physical exhaustion of tough exercise. The personal trainers are also counselors, in a way, because they have to deal with the issues as to WHY the people are so overweight in the first place!

 

So, instead of just writing off people who are battling weight, the OP needs to support her... help her see she is hurting herself, and gently and lovingly encourage her to live a healthy life!

[KathyM]

I disagree with this.

 

My man is incredibly physically fit and I am not, yet I'm working towards the goal of being more physically fit everyday. He encourages me and yes I have known since day one that he expects me to do my best. He accepts me how I am, and encourages me to get physically (and in other ways too) better. I need this.

 

Just giving up on someone you love who used to be physically fit and now isn't doesn't help anybody. She is hurting herself by letting herself go. As a person who has battled weight, I understand how yucky it feels to have extra flab around one's body... extra fat and weight that people are not NATURALLY made to have.

 

People who let themselves go physically are doing themselves no favors. All you have to do is watch the Biggest Loser and see how these valiant people have to overcome issues in their lives and low self-esteem AND endure the pain and emotional/physical exhaustion of tough exercise. The personal trainers are also counselors, in a way, because they have to deal with the issues as to WHY the people are so overweight in the first place!

 

So, instead of just writing off people who are battling weight, the OP needs to support her... help her see she is hurting herself, and gently and lovingly encourage her to live a healthy life!

She's not battling her weight. That's the point. The OP said she refuses to exercise, and refuses to go on a diet. She is content to be fat, and if that is not what he wants in a girlfriend, then he has a right to leave her and not feel guilty about it. The difference in your situation is that you are trying to get in shape. The girlfriend is not.

[JohnnyCage]

While I believe that the OP was very strong in his words about his gf's body but I don't think he is wrong. All I would want to say here is that as much loving and caring the guy must be towards his girl, the girl must also be the same towards him.

 

If I was a smoker and my girl tells me that it grosses her out I will do my best to quit it. I will try. And this doesn't even have to be about health or anything else but just love and respect for the SO. In a relationship as the years roll by the sexual chemistry and attraction slows down a bit and that is natural. But to keep it fresh you have to work on it. Getting overweight is definitely not helping. Even if it isn't about health the person must realize that if her actions are making the SO unhappy then he/she should try to change it. If they can't then just let the other person go.

 

There is no point in making a relationship suffer because of the actions of one person in the relationship. Both people involved must work towards the relationship.

[LittleTiger]

2) So what's your point? In addition to being fat, she probably has psychological issues. Another reason not to be with her. Great.

 

3) Yes, there are some very big differences. However men are also more forgiving. Women even need a bit of fat to be attractive in some cases. It is however fairly easy to not be obese for women.

 

No, I'm not saying she has psychological 'issues', I'm saying there is some level of psychological distress which the OP clearly has no knowledge or understanding of. All of us suffer from psychological distress at some point in our lives, usually many times and for many different reasons. Pretty much everybody who starts a thread on the relationship sections of LS are suffering some level of psychological distress, whether it be the distress caused by not being able to get a date, or the devastation of a spouse walking out after twenty years of marriage.

 

The difference for overweight or obese people is the coping strategy used ie overeating.

 

It is definitely not easy for some people (men included) to remain a healthy weight - if it was easy we wouldn't have the obesity problem that exists today.

[radiodarcy]

What Little Tiger said.

 

Anybody who has ever struggled with their weight out there?

 

What do you think your response would be if your partner sat you down and said to you, "Your body grosses me out, and I think you are an evil fraud for gaining weight."

 

What are the chances you'd react to that by suddenly shaping up and eating right?

 

zero to none honestly. at 5' i weighed 180 pounds for close to 10 years. the more my family and doctor harped on me about my weight the more stubborn i got and continued to eat junk and sit on the couch and watch tv. i felt as though my weight was out of control and having people tell you how fat you are only makes you feel more helpless and out of control. so - - you continue to eat.

 

it wasn't until my family stopped commenting about my weight that i decided to do something about it. i went on weight watchers about five years ago and lost the weight i needed to lose and then some. i now work out five days a week and continue to watch what i eat. but that's my decision and it's something i decided to do for me.

[LittleTiger]

Well, if he doesn't know her intimately after all these years, her weight is the least of their problems.

 

Many people are married for years, or even decades, and still don't know their partner intimately - communication breakdown is a major factor in many broken marriages.

 

Although I might not work in the field now, my degree was Psychology and I also have some experience with Psychotherapy. My biggest problem with both fields is this kind of over-medicalisation and thus codification of fairly typical human flaws and frailties, re-framed as 'emotional disorders'. Not only do I think that's inaccurate, I also genuinely believe that this actively encourages personal weakness and the absolution of personal responsibility. In psych speak, over-diagnosis pushes 'the locus of control' away from the self, which is to nobody's benefit. Sadly, as a society, we're probably too far down this wrongheaded path to change direction.

 

Having a long term problem with weight is not an 'emotional disorder' in itself, it is merely the end result of an inability to deal with emotional distress in an appropriate manner. That isn't in any way shifting the responsibility, it is recognising how the problem needs to be dealt with for the particular individual, rather than assuming that the person is just lacking in self discipline.

 

We are all ultimately responsible for our own behaviour and only we can make any changes necessary to improve our health. That is actually what a lot of people on this thread have been saying. It isn't up to the OP to 'change' his girlfriend, or even try to insist that she does so. She has the choice whether or not to address the issue and he has the choice whether to stay or go.

 

On a related note, I also find it strange that a fat man is a slob - no questions asked, no need to look deeper. That's the prevailing conception. But not so with women, right? There is - naturally - a complex network of psychological and emotional issues at work. Always.

 

I don't know where you have heard that but it obviously wasn't inside a consulting room. Even though the physiology is different and usually the underlying causes are different, a fat man is in just as much need of psychological help as a fat woman.

Edited July 8, 2011 by LittleTiger

[LittleTiger]

All you have to do is watch the Biggest Loser and see how these valiant people have to overcome issues in their lives and low self-esteem AND endure the pain and emotional/physical exhaustion of tough exercise. The personal trainers are also counselors, in a way, because they have to deal with the issues as to WHY the people are so overweight in the first place!

 

Bingo! This is it in a nutshell.

 

Nobody slobs around watching TV and pigging out (while their body becomes more and more uncomfortable) because they enjoy it -nobody!

 

Low self-esteem is actually one of the major contributing factors for overweight people. They don't have low self esteem because they're overweight, they become overweight or 'let themselves go' as some people like to call it, because of low-self esteem.

 

The OPs girlfriend is not overweight because she doesn't value the OP or their relationship, she is overweight because she doesn't value herself.

 

If she has any idea that her body is 'grossing out' the OP (which I suspect she does), then the future of their relationship, and her weight, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is very little chance of her making any changes because he asks her too. He finds her gross, so she feels gross, he finds her more gross, she feels more gross - ad infinitum - or until he walks out.

[LittleTiger]

You claim to be a pro, yet the fact that the negative effects on OP's health regimen due to living with a lazy, disrespectful fatty somehow miss your "pro" radar entirely. What about OP, who has to stick to a regimen to manage his weight problem, and is winning at it, yet has to watch as his SO refuses to do anything to manage her problem? Who deserves a true "pro's" sympathy, advice or encouragement in this thread's scenario? OP? or lazy, fatass GF? Normally I wouldn't be as harsh on the GF, but she lost the weight before, so it isn't psych or medical, refuses to stick to a diet or exercise routine. She's just flat out lazy and has gotten comfortable enough in the relationship to think she has him on the hook and he isn't going anywhere. What a disgusting liar and fraud this GF is. Bleh.

 

My field is specifically overweight and obesity and the OP, who has admitted to being very fit and healthy, doesn't seem to need any weight control advice from me or anyone else - even if he did, I wouldn't be posting it on a public message board. He is free to leave the relationship any time he chooses and he most certainly doesn't have to 'watch' his girlfriend do (or not do) anything if he doesn't want to.

 

The fact that the OPs girlfriend has lost weight in the past and regained it actually suggests that there is some ongoing psychological distress and I would hazard a guess that, rather than refusing to stick to a weight loss plan, she is currently unable to - there is a very big difference.

[frenchiefun]

Yeah and I bet all the women in this thread would have no problem at all being seen with a garbage collector BF who smelled of rotten banana peels, only wore wifebeaters, fringey denim shorts and sandals with socks out on the town. Same... exact... thing.

 

People have every right to expect to have a mate who is presentable in public.

 

Not the same thing at all you arse - all she is, is overweight. The OP needs to tell her its over, instead of whining on a forum, then go and get himself a woman who is as shallow and self obsessed as he is, and they can live happily ever after admiring themselves walking down the street.

[TheCoolest]

Geezus, some of the men on this forum...

 

To the OP, your poor girlfriend is probably just as grossed out by your shallowness and self absorption as you are by her weight.

 

She probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you what a jerk you are.

 

Its about time she found someone who will actually appreciate her as a person, rather than being with someone with such poor self esteem that he's worried that people will think less of him because he's walking down the street with a fat girl.

Wow. I am a shallow self absorbent jerk because i want my girlfriend to lose weight? How fat are you exactly? All humans are shallow. Its a fact. GEt over it. Thats why you don't see three hundred pound men with supermodels unless they are rich. In fact i bet if it was my girlfriend asking this question you would be calling me a lazy bastard not insulting me. You really don't know me. And you really don't know my gf. So you have no right to say that i don't appreciate her. Its not about what other people think when i walk down the street with her. Its about what I think when i walk down the street with her.

 

Seeing as how she is the woman i plan on growing old with i don't see a problem with asking her to lose weight. She is young. She has never had kids. There is no reason why she can't lose weight. If anything i am trying to save our relationship since its not going to workout if she wants to be sedentary when exercise is such a big part of my life. I can make a compromise but i'm not getting fat with her. Period.

My field is specifically overweight and obesity and the OP, who has admitted to being very fit and healthy, doesn't seem to need any weight control advice from me or anyone else - even if he did, I wouldn't be posting it on a public message board. He is free to leave the relationship any time he chooses and he most certainly doesn't have to 'watch' his girlfriend do (or not do) anything if he doesn't want to.

 

The fact that the OPs girlfriend has lost weight in the past and regained it actually suggests that there is some ongoing psychological distress and I would hazard a guess that, rather than refusing to stick to a weight loss plan, she is currently unable to - there is a very big difference.

 

Signs that it is a mental issue? I doubt it is. She isn't an emotional eater at all. Since if she is sad or angry she refuses to eat. And i don't think she would hide something like that from me. She doesn't have low self esteem at all. And its not like she refuses to stop eating. She will stop eating for maybe a week. Or 2 weeks. Then she will just slowly start up again. So i don't see how she is mentally dependent on food. I mean what kind of mental illness tells somebody they should eat junk food and not exercise?

Edited July 9, 2011 by TheCoolest

[chuckles11]

Wow. I am a shallow self absorbent jerk because i want my girlfriend to lose weight? How fat are you exactly? All humans are shallow. Its a fact. GEt over it. Thats why you don't see three hundred pound men with supermodels unless they are rich. In fact i bet if it was my girlfriend asking this question you would be calling me a lazy bastard not insulting me. You really don't know me. And you really don't know my gf. So you have no right to say that i don't appreciate her. Its not about what other people think when i walk down the street with her. Its about what I think when i walk down the street with her.

 

Judging from her posting history, frenchiefun is apparently someone who established an account here in order to brag about how she has been carrying on a multi-year affair with a married man. So, I think it would be a mistake for you to take many of her judgments about your character to heart.

Edited July 9, 2011 by chuckles11

[veggirl]

So...OP...have you decided on what to do yet? You've got quite a few opinions on this matter, what are you going to say to your gf, if anything? Or will everyone just be arguing about this into August?

[D-Lish]

Seeing as how she is the woman i plan on growing old with i don't see a problem with asking her to lose weight. She is young. She has never had kids. There is no reason why she can't lose weight. If anything i am trying to save our relationship since its not going to workout if she wants to be sedentary when exercise is such a big part of my life. I can make a compromise but i'm not getting fat with her. Period.

 

Signs that it is a mental issue? I doubt it is. She isn't an emotional eater at all. Since if she is sad or angry she refuses to eat. And i don't think she would hide something like that from me. She doesn't have low self esteem at all. And its not like she refuses to stop eating. She will stop eating for maybe a week. Or 2 weeks. Then she will just slowly start up again. So i don't see how she is mentally dependent on food. I mean what kind of mental illness tells somebody they should eat junk food and not exercise?

 

You shouldn't have to compromise. I want my partner to be reasonably fit- I keep myself thin, so I wouldn't want to date someone that didn't hold the same view.

 

You don't think she's an "emotional eater"- so why do you think she over eats?

[TheCoolest]

You shouldn't have to compromise. I want my partner to be reasonably fit- I keep myself thin, so I wouldn't want to date someone that didn't hold the same view.

 

You don't think she's an "emotional eater"- so why do you think she over eats?

 

She eats because she likes to eat. She has always been like that but she has taken it too far now. Before she would always be like "oh i'm craving chocolate" Or "omg mcdonalds sounds so good right now" Stuff like that. But even though she ate a little bit of that stuff every day she exercised a bit and she had it in moderation.

 

But now its like she just eats all the time she is snacking eating whatever she wants. And if i talk to her about it she will stop eating because she is upset. But the next day she will be right back to where she was before.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow. I am a shallow self absorbent jerk because i want my girlfriend to lose weight? How fat are you exactly? All humans are shallow. Its a fact. GEt over it. Thats why you don't see three hundred pound men with supermodels unless they are rich. In fact i bet if it was my girlfriend asking this question you would be calling me a lazy bastard not insulting me. You really don't know me. And you really don't know my gf. So you have no right to say that i don't appreciate her. Its not about what other people think when i walk down the street with her. Its about what I think when i walk down the street with her.

 

Seeing as how she is the woman i plan on growing old with i don't see a problem with asking her to lose weight. She is young. She has never had kids. There is no reason why she can't lose weight. If anything i am trying to save our relationship since its not going to workout if she wants to be sedentary when exercise is such a big part of my life. I can make a compromise but i'm not getting fat with her. Period.

 

 

Signs that it is a mental issue? I doubt it is. She isn't an emotional eater at all. Since if she is sad or angry she refuses to eat. And i don't think she would hide something like that from me. She doesn't have low self esteem at all. And its not like she refuses to stop eating. She will stop eating for maybe a week. Or 2 weeks. Then she will just slowly start up again. So i don't see how she is mentally dependent on food. I mean what kind of mental illness tells somebody they should eat junk food and not exercise?

 

What you described is precisely Impulsive Eating. If you were to read The Amen Solution (Dr. Daniel Amen) you would realize that there are six different brain patterns involved in becoming overweight. No single diet, plan or motivation covers all six. Overeating and sugar dependency are both brain function problems, not a character flaw. Become a little more educated about what you are dealing with. Not barely eating for a week or two and then bingeing on junk food is not a logical eating pattern for any adult. And yes, it sounds like she is struggling and quite possibly ashamed, as the vast majority if overweight women are and often they cloak it in "fat pride." I know, I weighed 315 lbs at my heaviest.

 

As well, if/when she gets back to exercising, be patient, the first few weeks are physically grueling in quite a different way turn a hard workout. You must reassure her that it does get easier.

 

If you want to solve your issue (and yes it will take time and commitment) and score some major connection and honesty points, don't make it HER problem, make it about being supportive about her health, well-being and deepening your sexual connection. Let her know that you realize it is a hard struggle and that you do not judge her whatsoever but that losing sexual attraction for her is a dealbreaker. (do not make reference to any others)

 

I would have much rather my husband come to me about his issue then him withholding sex from me and becoming a cheating ****face.