♥ ~ Love Sickness ~ ♥

[HeartShineGirl]

I hope you can forgive yourself.

 

No need to convince us - but it sure seems like you're trying hard to convince yourself...especially after I pointed out that the thread would die if you would just quit posting in it.

 

 

Hrrmmmph.

 

Let me think..... do I forgive myself..... "yes" but I don't like when I'm like this. I don't like when I turn into this person repeating myself. I hate that.

 

But, I do want to still be able to come here, and post updates etc... I think I've wore myself out in all the ways I have tried to make a point, and I am so bad apparently at making points. I obviously suck at it.

 

I'm so much better at just being supportive to my friends and all that. Being defensive wears me out. I hate it.

 

BLAH

 

Did you mean, forgive myself for having an affair with a married man? That? Sorry, but I am getting a bit tired. I need to go to bed.

 

I do forgive myself.... and him.

 

I just wish people wouldn't keep bringing up all the 'negative' stuff on how his and my relationship began.... but I guess it's the whole beginning of this thread... and maybe I do need to just let this particular thread die, and start a new one... but I believe in owning who I am and what I've gone through... and not deceiving anyone, but I dunno... maybe you are right, if I want to get certain things to stop, best I leave this thread for it is attached to a lot of 'bad vibes'. Meh.

[HeartShineGirl]

Glad you are happy! I love hearing that!!!

 

 

 

 

Me too... me too.

 

I'm sitting here upstairs, with my door open on my computer listening to my youngest daughter and her boyfriend (they are both on spring break) and they are both laughing and talking and playing a game and I have such a nice smile on my face....

 

I love my life now.... I'm so glad that I made it this far in my life with such great kids. So glad that I have very little in this life to complain about...

 

And, happy that my boyfriend and I have plans for our future (goals,dreams, things we want to do together)... and do not regret at all that it took me a very long time to get to this point where I could have all the life experiences that I have had in order to handle what I had to go through last year and the year before.

 

I think I will quietly and gently end the drama in this forum thread... and move past it into more posts that are like how I am the other 99% of the time that I am not here.

 

Especially since I am no longer suffering from love sickness....

[jwi71]

Oh yes... I can see how that looks.

 

Okay... when he was living alone, it was because his job site sent him to another job site. When the company he works for did that they sent him 3 hours away from his 'home' to work at another site, and manage it. Because of the type of job he does, they really needed someone with his expertise. Thus, the company he works for paid for him to live at this other location. So, he wasn't paying for bills at both places... they were paying for his rent up here, and also giving him spending money to live on 'groceries, gas, etc' because they needed him to be up at this new job site.

 

But, when that job was done, the company he works for made him (forced him) to go back down to his original job back down in the city where he owned his house. Yes, now you get it. So he was living on his own, paid for by his company.... just went down south to take care of some repairs on weekends, and such... but yes, of course he still paid his mortgage on his house, and all the bills and gardener, etc.

 

Ah. Thanks for clearing that up.

There have been done amazing "happenings" with situations similiar and I was wondering if this was one. For instance, one MM (who was living apart from his W) that he was moving back in to help the D process. And the OW believed and defended him. Not making that up. Anyways.

 

But, while he was up here... enjoying his 'freedom' from 'being around her' if you will.... and loving it... he contemplated that kind of happiness...

 

Contemplated? As in, he hasn't decided to leave?

What's to contemplate at this point?

 

I called him just now and asked him "How come you haven't filed for divorce yet....?" since I was defending him in here.. and trying to come up with reasons, that I thought were the correct reasons, and I was apparently wrong.

 

So the previously stated reasons of money and religion are not correct?

Personally I would be alarmed if the reason provided kept changing.

Especially if he is "contemplating his happiness."

 

I would have expected, after what, two years now?, that this would have been long settled given the circumstances you present.

 

And kudos on the straight up question. Takes guts.

 

I asked him and he said that it was because he has not found a lawyer yet, he doesn't have time off of work except for Sundays, he works from 4am-4:30pm and since he's one of the managers who locks up and does the time sheets for people, he's rarely out of there before 5pm. He has been trying to get the time off of work to be approved but because of the project they are on now, he can't get the time off approved during this crunch time at his job. I know all about it, I've been there and heard the other employees talking about how some of the higher ups are still there til 10pm at night freaking out trying to figure out how they are going to make these deadlines.... so I realized... it's just not been something he could get to... but he wondered why I asked, because he was concerned that I worried that he wasn't wanting to get divorced, and he doesn't want me to think that.

 

WTF.

Seriously?

The reason he can't file for D is "I can't half a day off to file?"

Honestly, that's kinda a slap in the face. It does however highlight his priorities, job first then you. And while that will always be an issue and is not unique to an A, it's hard to accept he can't find a few hours to get it done. And honestly, it doesn't take hours to file.

 

I felt silly.... because I've always told him to do what he needs to do and that I trust him and here I am questioning him because of all of YOU questioning me.

 

1) it was your decision to ask him. Don't blame LS for YOUR decision

2) you learned that the previously stated reasons of money and religion are no longer correct. The reason he cannot file is, no time.

3) that trust you placed in him is currently being abused. You had forgiven his initial lies from when you first met. A mistake IMO. However, he at the very least has been recently "misleading" you in regards to why he can't D. I wonder why he just didn't tell you. And what happened to the religion issue?

 

I explained to him that when people ask why he's not divorced yet, that I didn't know what to say.

 

Wait. I thought it was money and/or religion.

What had you been telling your kids, friends and family?

 

He simply said.... "You shouldn't have to explain yourself to others about our relationship, that is between me and you... and it's inappropriate for anyone to question our love for each other- if you don't question it... and I don't.. and we are happy, what business is it of anyone else's what we are doing and how we are doing it?"

 

Two words: Red Flag.

I have a good friend ( 20+ years) who is an asst US attorney.

He litagates frequently - read cross-exams hostile witnesses. One thing he told me, and it rings true to everyone I think, is how someone reacts when challenged/accused. The innocent will refute the charge. The guilty will attack the question/messenger. Your MM, to me, when pressed on this phone call, attacked the question and the messenger (LS). The whole convo you posted reeks of it to me.

 

He did say he would make the time to file for the D he wants.

 

My suggestion is a time limit. How long is reasonable to you?

 

What happens if he fails to file then?

 

Is it do wrong, after YEARS of waiting that you demand what YOU want?

Is that too much to ask of HIM?

 

He's right... I do know this. He still owns the house, she still lives in it with their son... she's been looking for a job to pay the bills but the job she has right now doesn't... the realtor that they spoke to about selling the house told them what to do to get the house ready. He's been paying off a lot of bills/debt to get things under control so that he can not worry about the debt (that he will most likely have to be paying for) he made her stop using all those credit cards, and, he's paid off a couple of the cars, completely so not to worry about those either, and they have closed their mutual accounts and sat down and discussed who is going to get what and what they are going to sell.

 

That is the stuff they've gotten in order....

 

Thing is HSG, these can all be accomplished AFTER he files for a D.

Im always amazed at how people push off actually filing for D. I have YET to see a valid reason for delay as D is the very process of disentangling lives and assets. I hope your MM files

 

I also hope you set a deadline for action.

Haven't you waited long enough?

Doesn't what you want and deserve matter?

[HeartShineGirl]

 

 

 

Contemplated? As in, he hasn't decided to leave?

What's to contemplate at this point?

 

 

Oh, no... the contemplation that I was referring to was before he met me. In that 9 months or so prior to meeting me he, when he was living on his own he thought a lot about it and was contemplating ending his marriage.

[HeartShineGirl]

 

So the previously stated reasons of money and religion are not correct?

Personally I would be alarmed if the reason provided kept changing.

Especially if he is "contemplating his happiness."

 

I would have expected, after what, two years now?, that this would have been long settled given the circumstances you present.

 

And kudos on the straight up question. Takes guts.

 

[/Quote]

 

It was my wrong understanding that it was a religious thing (Catholic) or else a money thing.. I never really was bothered with the amount of time it was taking, I know these things have to work themselves out in due time, it was only when I was questioned in here as to "why isn't he divorced yet" that I was trying to reason it out, because I never really knew why in fact he didn't just leave and file for divorce immediately. But, now I know.

 

It wasn't religious or money reasons really... the money stuff was something else entirely.

 

I really shouldn't try to explain what other people are doing and why, since I'm not in his shoes.

[HeartShineGirl]

Ah. Thanks for clearing that up.

There have been done amazing "happenings" with situations similiar and I was wondering if this was one. For instance, one MM (who was living apart from his W) that he was moving back in to help the D process. And the OW believed and defended him. Not making that up. Anyways.

 

 

 

Contemplated? As in, he hasn't decided to leave?

What's to contemplate at this point?

 

 

 

So the previously stated reasons of money and religion are not correct?

Personally I would be alarmed if the reason provided kept changing.

Especially if he is "contemplating his happiness."

 

I would have expected, after what, two years now?, that this would have been long settled given the circumstances you present.

 

And kudos on the straight up question. Takes guts.

 

 

 

WTF.

Seriously?

The reason he can't file for D is "I can't half a day off to file?"

Honestly, that's kinda a slap in the face. It does however highlight his priorities, job first then you. And while that will always be an issue and is not unique to an A, it's hard to accept he can't find a few hours to get it done. And honestly, it doesn't take hours to file.

 

 

 

1) it was your decision to ask him. Don't blame LS for YOUR decision

2) you learned that the previously stated reasons of money and religion are no longer correct. The reason he cannot file is, no time.

3) that trust you placed in him is currently being abused. You had forgiven his initial lies from when you first met. A mistake IMO. However, he at the very least has been recently "misleading" you in regards to why he can't D. I wonder why he just didn't tell you. And what happened to the religion issue?

 

 

 

Wait. I thought it was money and/or religion.

What had you been telling your kids, friends and family?

 

 

 

Two words: Red Flag.

I have a good friend ( 20+ years) who is an asst US attorney.

He litagates frequently - read cross-exams hostile witnesses. One thing he told me, and it rings true to everyone I think, is how someone reacts when challenged/accused. The innocent will refute the charge. The guilty will attack the question/messenger. Your MM, to me, when pressed on this phone call, attacked the question and the messenger (LS). The whole convo you posted reeks of it to me.

 

He did say he would make the time to file for the D he wants.

 

My suggestion is a time limit. How long is reasonable to you?

 

What happens if he fails to file then?

 

Is it do wrong, after YEARS of waiting that you demand what YOU want?

Is that too much to ask of HIM?

 

 

 

Thing is HSG, these can all be accomplished AFTER he files for a D.

Im always amazed at how people push off actually filing for D. I have YET to see a valid reason for delay as D is the very process of disentangling lives and assets. I hope your MM files

 

I also hope you set a deadline for action.

Haven't you waited long enough?

Doesn't what you want and deserve matter?

 

I get what you are saying.... and I am listening. Thanks for your posts.

[HeartShineGirl]

heartshinegirl...

 

Obviously, i don't know you, nor the guy you are referring to in your posts, so all I have to go on is what you say...

 

have you ever thought of taking the time to look into the divorce process where he lives so that you will have some background information, and you will know if he is being upfront and honest in what he tells you?

 

he may very well be telling the truth re: the amount of time required and how the process works, or he may be stringing you along...at least if you have the information, you will be able to make informed choices about what is right for you...don't worry about making choices that are right for him...take care of yourself first, and perhaps give him a deadline to file for divorce, etc.- it may well prove to be either the proverbial "kick in the rear" he needs to take it more seriously, or you may find out he wasn't as serious about it as you thought...

 

whatever else you do, take good care of yourself first- live your life, and if he's part of it, great, and if not, that may be painful but you'll still be just fine

 

Yes, I would be just fine. I'm actually completely fine right now. The fact that he's not divorced yet, doesn't really bother me, because I know he will be divorcing her, that is not a question in my mind.

 

And, if by chance I am completely wrong... I will let everyone here know what I had to go through... and you are right, I would be completely fine even if that happened.

[HeartShineGirl]

I would imagine most divorce attorneys rarely leave their office before 5:00 and almost all of them would come in after hours by appt if necessary. They may also go to your home for a consultation . . . even on a Sunday.

 

There's absolutely no motivation for him to initiate (or even seriously consider) divorce any time soon. You'll cheerfully wait for as long as he feels like stringing you along and he knows you will believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He is fully aware that you are infatuated with him.

 

As far as all these "updates" you are providing to the board -- nothing has changed from your first post in this thread one year ago and I suspect you will be in the same position one year from now.

 

When MM is divorced and you are married to each other, then that would be an update.

 

Nods, you are right, I haven't changed.... I'm still the same person I was. I can only imagine what kind of person you all think that I am based on this bit of my history.... remember this is only a small piece of the person I am.

 

I'm guessing I seem naive, or a pushover, or someone who lets others walk all over them. Also, not too demanding I am guessing...? Too forgiving? Too accepting? Too romantic 'head in the clouds' type?

Too patient?

 

I am totally fine with all of that. I do tend to think with my heart and not with my head sometimes.

 

I wonder how this will turn out.....

[HeartShineGirl]

Heartshine......I've said it before and I'll say it again. I worry about you. I was surprised to read some of your latest posts when you revealed that you are old enough to have grown children. From your posts I thought you were young because you seem naive and trusting much like a younger woman is. I do not mean that as a slight at all, I'm just making an observation.

 

You keep telling us that he has proved his love for you but yet there are indicators that things are moving at his pace without consideration for your needs and he is pacifying you with words, not actions as in concrete steps toward divorce.

 

You come across as being kind and gentle but also I'm afraid that you are blindly trusting and I think some part of you senses this a little or else you wouldn't go to such great lengths to defend him here. As others have pointed out, we are nothing to you and when one feels such a huge amount of defensiveness perhaps that is something you need to examine within yourself.

 

I think this post was my favorite post of all.

 

Thank you.

 

 

I have often been told that I look and act much younger than my age... or I'm too forgiving and kind, too innocent and shy. I've been told that many times people worry about me and just want to protect me. I have spent my life having people 'warn' me about things and many people trying to talk me into not trusting people, because I trust so easily I guess. I can't explain why I am the way that I am with any real objective reasons. I'm me. That's all I know. I'm the way I am due to biology and environment.

 

I am the forever flower child, that sees the entire world through rose colored glasses, and yes.... I wonder why everyone else doesn't see it the same way that I do.

 

In fact.... from my point of view... I think the whole of society is crazy at times.

 

I'm happy being who I am.... I know that I'm not like everyone else... and I don't think I'll probably ever change.

 

I just keep on loving and forgiving and honestly I always stay happy....

[jwi71]

It was my wrong understanding that it was a religious thing (Catholic) or else a money thing.. I never really was bothered with the amount of time it was taking, I know these things have to work themselves out in due time, it was only when I was questioned in here as to "why isn't he divorced yet" that I was trying to reason it out, because I never really knew why in fact he didn't just leave and file for divorce immediately. But, now I know.

 

It wasn't religious or money reasons really... the money stuff was something else entirely.

 

I really shouldn't try to explain what other people are doing and why, since I'm not in his shoes.

 

No worries.

Although I would personally be seriously offended that he hadn't filed because " he didn't have the time" it's clearly acceptable for you.

 

Given all that's been said you are clearly happy with the situation and I can only wish you the best.

[MissBee]

Heartshine......I've said it before and I'll say it again. I worry about you. I was surprised to read some of your latest posts when you revealed that you are old enough to have grown children. From your posts I thought you were young because you seem naive and trusting much like a younger woman is. I do not mean that as a slight at all, I'm just making an observation.

 

You keep telling us that he has proved his love for you but yet there are indicators that things are moving at his pace without consideration for your needs and he is pacifying you with words, not actions as in concrete steps toward divorce.

 

You come across as being kind and gentle but also I'm afraid that you are blindly trusting and I think some part of you senses this a little or else you wouldn't go to such great lengths to defend him here. As others have pointed out, we are nothing to you and when one feels such a huge amount of defensiveness perhaps that is something you need to examine within yourself.

 

I think this is true....if one has pages and pages of a thread with all the posts being 10s of paragraphs, wee in the morning you get on here to defend him....then I do believe it has nothing to do with us but soothing your own demons.

[NoIDidn't]

I think this is true....if one has pages and pages of a thread with all the posts being 10s of paragraphs, wee in the morning you get on here to defend him....then I do believe it has nothing to do with us but soothing your own demons.

 

I think this goes along with being self-described as very trusting: feeling the need to defend that trust (judgment of situation) at all costs.

 

I hope he deserves it because I have seen the extremely trusting turn into the extremely paranoid and its not a good turn.

[HeartShineGirl]

No worries.

Although I would personally be seriously offended that he hadn't filed because " he didn't have the time" it's clearly acceptable for you.

 

Given all that's been said you are clearly happy with the situation and I can only wish you the best.

 

Yes, I know.... I'm abnormal

 

Maybe I just don't have any 'senses of the common sort. LOL

 

Just being silly. Thanks for input. I totally hear ya!

[HeartShineGirl]

I think this is true....if one has pages and pages of a thread with all the posts being 10s of paragraphs, wee in the morning you get on here to defend him....then I do believe it has nothing to do with us but soothing your own demons.

 

Yeah, that's about the only time I have time to come on here is after work/school.

[HeartShineGirl]

I think this goes along with being self-described as very trusting: feeling the need to defend that trust (judgment of situation) at all costs.

 

I hope he deserves it because I have seen the extremely trusting turn into the extremely paranoid and its not a good turn.

 

 

I got a little confused there... you mean I would turn paranoid?

[HeartShineGirl]

I think this is true....if one has pages and pages of a thread with all the posts being 10s of paragraphs, wee in the morning you get on here to defend him....then I do believe it has nothing to do with us but soothing your own demons.

 

Yeah, I have one demon... that is the feeling that I have inside of me that is that I feel that I always owe everyone an explanation for everything I do.

 

Lord, I've been that way my whole life.

 

Like, if I get up to go to the bathroom, it's like I have to explain to people why I am leaving the room to go.... seriously... that is probably why I spend so much time in here writing so much.

 

 

 

Why do I do that?

 

I've never thought about it until now, but yeah.... I always feel like I have to explain myself constantly no matter what... I don't like having to do that.

[NoIDidn't]

 

I got a little confused there... you mean I would turn paranoid?

 

LOL. I would hope not. I think being trusting is a lost joy for many of us. Innocence lost is not likely to be returned. Its been my experience that people that were once very trusting turn extremely distrustful of everyone and their motives when they realize that trust was misplaced.

[MissBee]

Yeah, that's about the only time I have time to come on here is after work/school.

 

Heartshine, why do you post the love emoticon after everything you say?

 

Anyway....you don't need to explain anything to me. I already told you I wouldn't do what you're doing, so no matter the explanation, it still stands. The free time I have from school and work wouldn't be used to type tens of paragraphs and pages about my relationship and in defense of all cheating men to LS members who don't believe me and won't change their views for me....it doesn't seem like a fun hobby.

 

I just saw your other post of having to explain yourself to everybody, even about going to the bathroom....that one demon is probably a manifestation of a can of a lot of other demons and one you should consider delving into and fixing. It's a very tiring, draining and counterproductive activity. Especially if you're at the point that it is a compulsion, where if the mods let it you will take this thread to 100 pages, replying to every single anonymous person, with 30 paragraphs each explaining your life over and over and over. It's very troubling. I cannot imagine how you deal with real life, as internet people are easy to ignore, so if you feel so compelled to defend yourself to us who do not know you then I cannot imagine how you navigate the offline world in that regard. You really should look into this.....

[alexandria35]

I really wonder about you heartshinegirl. As others have said, you post in a very childish way. I wouldn't even say you sound like a young woman, you come across as teenager with all the lovey emoticons and dripping with sweetness and innocence. Then you go on to describe how you can't even do this or that without giving everyone in the room an explanation. I suspect that you have deliberately chosen to be this perpetual child. I don't know why or what you are getting out of it, but there is some reason why you refuse to be a strong grown up woman.

 

I remember being somewhat stuck in the same place in my twenties. I was always the nicest, sweetest, meekest most non judgemental person who you would ever hope to meet. Why? Well for one thing I was just immature and for another thing it's how I got my ego strokes. Because everyone always told me how sweet and kind I was and so I kept doing it because people approved of me that way. Furthermore, my syrupy sweetness and innocence encouraged some people to want to protect me and help me...another plus for me. As a young child I didn't excel at much. I was smart but I wasn't atheletic or artistic, or musically gifted so when my mother bragged about me it was always along the lines of how well behaved I was, how sweet I was, how polite and quiet I was. So I believed that this is what I had to be to get love and approval and I carried it with me into adulthood. To cut the story short, after some time I realized that while everyone else might approved of me that way, it was no longer good enough for me. I wanted to approve of myself. I wanted to be a strong independant capable woman who asserted herself and spoke her mind freely because those were the women I admired and approved of.

 

You only have one life. If you want to spend yours being childlike and refusing to embrace womanhood and all that entails I guess that's your choice. I think you are getting a payoff for it but I don't think it's worth it. I'm glad I grew up. People don't rush to my aid anymore or jump to my defense. They don't have to because they know I can handle myself. Personally I like being seen as strong and capable rather than sweet and naive.

[HeartShineGirl]

LOL. I would hope not. I think being trusting is a lost joy for many of us. Innocence lost is not likely to be returned. Its been my experience that people that were once very trusting turn extremely distrustful of everyone and their motives when they realize that trust was misplaced.

 

Oh! Well, I must half-embarrassingly admit that I have had my trust broken many times in the past, but I still continue to trust.

 

Maybe I'm broken?

[HeartShineGirl]

Heartshine, why do you post the love emoticon after everything you say?

 

Anyway....you don't need to explain anything to me. I already told you I wouldn't do what you're doing, so no matter the explanation, it still stands. The free time I have from school and work wouldn't be used to type tens of paragraphs and pages about my relationship and in defense of all cheating men to LS members who don't believe me and won't change their views for me....it doesn't seem like a fun hobby.

 

I just saw your other post of having to explain yourself to everybody, even about going to the bathroom....that one demon is probably a manifestation of a can of a lot of other demons and one you should consider delving into and fixing. It's a very tiring, draining and counterproductive activity. Especially if you're at the point that it is a compulsion, where if the mods let it you will take this thread to 100 pages, replying to every single anonymous person, with 30 paragraphs each explaining your life over and over and over. It's very troubling. I cannot imagine how you deal with real life, as internet people are easy to ignore, so if you feel so compelled to defend yourself to us who do not know you then I cannot imagine how you navigate the offline world in that regard. You really should look into this.....

 

Hi MissBee!

 

Okay the first question... why do I put cute little after everything?

 

Because it's so cute! I really love cute things. I cannot help myself. Plus it's similar to my mood that I feel all of the time...

 

I believe you are correct about my 'looking into' why I do the things I do, I really do need to.

 

I promise I will.

 

In real life, I just be happy. I don't do much things to give any person any reason to really ask for explanations, and I guess all I really do is be kind of to myself and just try to do my best.

 

But, yeah.... I do always 'feel' like I should be explaining myself, I just don't know why, but I promise to try to find out.

[MissBee]

Hi MissBee!

 

Okay the first question... why do I put cute little after everything?

 

Because it's so cute! I really love cute things. I cannot help myself. Plus it's similar to my mood that I feel all of the time...

 

I believe you are correct about my 'looking into' why I do the things I do, I really do need to.

 

I promise I will.

 

In real life, I just be happy. I don't do much things to give any person any reason to really ask for explanations, and I guess all I really do is be kind of to myself and just try to do my best.

 

But, yeah.... I do always 'feel' like I should be explaining myself, I just don't know why, but I promise to try to find out.

 

You should really read and re-read alexandria's post...it has A LOT of truths in it

[HeartShineGirl]

I really wonder about you heartshinegirl. As others have said, you post in a very childish way. I wouldn't even say you sound like a young woman, you come across as teenager with all the lovey emoticons and dripping with sweetness and innocence. Then you go on to describe how you can't even do this or that without giving everyone in the room an explanation. I suspect that you have deliberately chosen to be this perpetual child. I don't know why or what you are getting out of it, but there is some reason why you refuse to be a strong grown up woman.

 

I remember being somewhat stuck in the same place in my twenties. I was always the nicest, sweetest, meekest most non judgemental person who you would ever hope to meet. Why? Well for one thing I was just immature and for another thing it's how I got my ego strokes. Because everyone always told me how sweet and kind I was and so I kept doing it because people approved of me that way. Furthermore, my syrupy sweetness and innocence encouraged some people to want to protect me and help me...another plus for me. As a young child I didn't excel at much. I was smart but I wasn't atheletic or artistic, or musically gifted so when my mother bragged about me it was always along the lines of how well behaved I was, how sweet I was, how polite and quiet I was. So I believed that this is what I had to be to get love and approval and I carried it with me into adulthood. To cut the story short, after some time I realized that while everyone else might approved of me that way, it was no longer good enough for me. I wanted to approve of myself. I wanted to be a strong independant capable woman who asserted herself and spoke her mind freely because those were the women I admired and approved of.

 

You only have one life. If you want to spend yours being childlike and refusing to embrace womanhood and all that entails I guess that's your choice. I think you are getting a payoff for it but I don't think it's worth it. I'm glad I grew up. People don't rush to my aid anymore or jump to my defense. They don't have to because they know I can handle myself. Personally I like being seen as strong and capable rather than sweet and naive.

 

Oh, it's just a side of me... I'm not really totally and completely childish. But I do love being nice, and I really don't mind that I'm completely silly sometimes. I'm actually not babied, haha... Actually, this may sound quiet unbelievable, I am sure, but there is a very different side of me that I can't really explain but to know that people love to confide in me, I guess it's because I am a good listener... and motivator, and yes, here I am much willing to let the more childish side of myself show, because I am being I guess somewhat submissive to the rest of you... I'm guessing it's my way of trying not to rub anyone wrong, and just trying to explain things.

 

Anyhow... I think I'm just going to end this thread here... I've got way too many people concerned for me, or worried about me, than I need or want.

 

I like these forums though... and I have learned some things, and trust me... I'm taking the advice with me, and I will definitely try to figure out why I am so different from everyone else here.

[2sure]

Don't ever ever loan him any money or co-sign anything with or for him.