♥ ~ Love Sickness ~ ♥

[HeartShineGirl]

Yes, that's precisely why he targeted you. Predators aren't stupid. They don't fall in love with targets, but manipulate their empathy, loyalty, etc. so they can control them. Read "Women Who Love Psychopaths" by Sandra Brown. (Of course, I know that you probably won't. Too bad.)

 

I'm truly sorry you're not listening to anyone's experience and advice here, because reality is always the harshest teacher. I hope you survive this, because it does not look pretty from here.

 

You are right, it doesn't look pretty. Um, I think I have read that book, I may be wrong. I'll have to look it up. I do really love books, and reading.

 

Also, it's not that I am ignoring the advice of everyone here, I truly am taking it into me and it is making me prepared for the worst and making me stronger knowing that I am not alone and that people are trying to warn me. I just don't want to go along with what everyone says just because others have had the same thing happen unless I am completely sure this is the case for me. You know what I mean? I hope you do.

 

If everyone told me the same thing on any topic, I would still have to find out for myself. It's just how I am. You know? It's like a child being told "Don't touch- it's hot" well... as we all know children still "touch" the oven at least once to find out for themselves. It's how we are. I am just saying. I really want the feedback, I want to hear how naive I am, I need to know all of this from the perspective of people who know more than me, who have been in my situation. I am assuming everyone who gave advice has been in the same situation as me, or at least I hope they're giving advice from experience or knowledge first hand of something similar.

[BB07]

Hey BB, that's a bit mean. Maybe the OP needed to collect her thoughts on one place and offload to try and get some perspective. Just because she doesn't do as she's 'told' doesn't mean she hasn't taken on board the advice. She did say she appreciates the feedback

 

You might see it as mean but of course I have strong opinions about this particular subject (liars) and I'm not shy about saying that a man who lies about being married imo should be a deal breaker. The biggie is just one of many lies he has told the OP (well those she knows about). To me, lying about such a huge important thing says everything a person needs to know about his character and it isn't good. Most people feel this way SG, don't know why you had to chastise me for being mean.

[BB07]

You might see it as mean but of course I have strong opinions about this particular subject (liars) and I'm not shy about saying that a man who lies about being married imo should be a deal breaker. The biggie is just one of many lies he has told the OP (well those she knows about). To me, lying about such a huge important thing says everything a person needs to know about his character and it isn't good. Most people feel this way SG, don't know why you had to chastise me for being mean.

 

 

OP is offering herself up to a known liar and she is willingly doing it, so sorry I can't muster up sympathy for her as she now is not a victim, she is a willing participant.

[TheLoneSock]

But, I love him.

 

Wow.

 

'Nuff said.

[Irishlove]

Mine was a broken man. I put up with alot for over a year. I love him and he loves me and he is divorcing and so am I and we will be together. Making a very long story short. I am alive with him and vice versa. Sometimes they are done with thier wives. IF he is ready to file for a divorce now or lose you then go for it.

I love my baby and I couldn't be happier.

[Breezy Trousers]

You are right, it doesn't look pretty. Um, I think I have read that book, I may be wrong. I'll have to look it up. I do really love books, and reading.

 

Great! Books helped me a lot. "Desire" by Susan Cheever is another good one ... Please consider listening to Melanie Tonia Evans' free podcasts. Not about affairs, but relationships with unhealthy men.

 

Also, it's not that I am ignoring the advice of everyone here, I truly am taking it into me and it is making me prepared for the worst and making me stronger knowing that I am not alone and that people are trying to warn me. I just don't want to go along with what everyone says just because others have had the same thing happen unless I am completely sure this is the case for me. You know what I mean? I hope you do.

 

I do understand. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions about you.

 

You have one eye open and one eye shut.

 

I look forward to the day you have both eyes open, and I hope it's soon. I don't see anything good coming out of this for you, especially if you continue to invest emotional energy in this guy. The damage can end up being serious, and I think that's why people are giving you tough love here.

 

If everyone told me the same thing on any topic, I would still have to find out for myself. It's just how I am. You know? It's like a child being told "Don't touch- it's hot" well... as we all know children still "touch" the oven at least once to find out for themselves. It's how we are. I am just saying. I really want the feedback, I want to hear how naive I am, I need to know all of this from the perspective of people who know more than me, who have been in my situation. I am assuming everyone who gave advice has been in the same situation as me, or at least I hope they're giving advice from experience or knowledge first hand of something similar.

 

Understood.

 

Years ago -- back in the good ol' days when I thought I was immune to the affair temptation -- I heard a tape by a famous public speaker. She told her audience that she's learned she can talk until she's blue in the face but ultimately cannot stop a woman from having The Affair with the Married Man Experience anymore than anyone could have stopped her at one time. Inevitably most women would go through with it anyway. Later, most would come back to her and say: "Now I know." They only understood what she was trying to tell them after they had the experience, and then it became a shared understanding.

 

Affairs can be very isolating experiences, so I hope you continue to come here.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Breezy Trousers

[HeartShineGirl]

You might see it as mean but of course I have strong opinions about this particular subject (liars) and I'm not shy about saying that a man who lies about being married imo should be a deal breaker. The biggie is just one of many lies he has told the OP (well those she knows about). To me, lying about such a huge important thing says everything a person needs to know about his character and it isn't good. Most people feel this way SG, don't know why you had to chastise me for being mean.

 

Silly & BB- I know you both mean well, BB with your advice for me (which I didn't find mean- but I can see how someone could think that) and Silly for defending me.

 

Both of you are great and I really do appreciate your feedback.

 

Also, what BB said is true... about people lying. However, I've known a lot of men (not personally interested in me but just in general friends) who have admitted lying to a girl in order to keep her interested, and I've known a lot of women too, who will lie a lot in order to keep a guy. Many of them have lied about being married or in relationships. I didn't actually find it uncommon, as is why I think I am so accepting and understanding of why people lie about those kind of important things. They lie, because to them, those things are not important (anymore).

 

Think about it. If the marriage was important to him (still) he wouldn't be out looking for love elsewhere. Obviously, it wasn't important anymore, and he didn't care if he jeopardized it. So while we may say "Wow, that was a huge lie, that is a major important thing you should have mentioned BEFORE we got into a relationship!" In his eyes it was already something he no longer thought important. I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm only saying as far as I could tell, it really no longer mattered to him.

[HeartShineGirl]

OP is offering herself up to a known liar and she is willingly doing it, so sorry I can't muster up sympathy for her as she now is not a victim, she is a willing participant.

 

I agree with you 100% I am a willing participant. I really never wanted to be seen as a victim. I mean, I am fully 100% involved. I could at any time walk away. I could have walked away numerous times. It's not like he didn't give me the chance to. He did.

 

I have chosen to believe of my own free will that this is different. I may be completely wrong, and fooled.

 

In the beginning the worst part of all of this was the immediate blow to my self esteem, and the guilt I felt.

 

I've come to realize I just need to do what I need to do for my life and let him live his as he chooses. If he chooses to leave her, fine. Well enough. And, him and I can talk about the entire situation when that time comes.

 

I'm not going to hold my breath, but I am going to honor my heart regardless... that I feel love for another human being- no matter his situation and if he loves me as much as he says then he will find a way to be with me.

 

If not, I learn from it.

[HeartShineGirl]

Mine was a broken man. I put up with alot for over a year. I love him and he loves me and he is divorcing and so am I and we will be together. Making a very long story short. I am alive with him and vice versa. Sometimes they are done with thier wives. IF he is ready to file for a divorce now or lose you then go for it.

I love my baby and I couldn't be happier.

 

 

Yes, you are one of the lucky ones that found a connection with someone other than your spouse, and he also found the same. I often wonder about the idea of marriage (forever til death do us part). I never understood how one person could at an early age or at any age completely commit to someone who will grow and change over time. Both people do change. Some change together, and stay married, some grow apart.

 

Sometimes you marry someone who breaks your spirit and you cheat and find love in a mistresses arms... like your man did... and the love heals the both of you from a long life of loneliness. I know, I was married once and yes, it was a big mistake, and I did leave and I did get divorced. And, the entire time I was married all I thought was "What a mistake!"

 

He must have known it too because he tried several times to have affairs with women, I caught him and one of them even told me "He told me he was separated!" Yep.... that's a sure sign that it's a mistake.

 

The worst part of it all is because of the legalities and costs of marriage and divorce men have a really hard time getting out of it and often stick around in the marriage because of the great financial loss involved and breaking up of home/family. It's almost too painful to think about for some of them.

[HeartShineGirl]

 

You have one eye open and one eye shut.

 

I look forward to the day you have both eyes open, and I hope it's soon. I don't see anything good coming out of this for you, especially if you continue to invest emotional energy in this guy. The damage can end up being serious, and I think that's why people are giving you tough love here.

 

I do have one eye open and one eye shut.... I love that image. It inspires me to imagine the artwork of a cover of a book of a face of a woman with one eye open and one eye shut and the title being similar.

 

Maybe one day one of us will write a book or memoir.

 

 

Affairs can be very isolating experiences, so I hope you continue to come here.

 

I know the isolation feeling all too well. Thank you. I promise I will. And... mark my word I will tell the outcome of all of this. And, if as you all warn, it happens as you say... I will too probably come here and give the tough love help. On the other hand if it works out, I will write beautiful poetry of the experience that shows the pain of waiting for someone when all the odds were against me.

[RRM]

They lie, because to them, those things are not important (anymore).

 

But wouldn't him being married have been important to you?

 

I feel like he was lying just to be the guy that he thinks you want and not the person he really is.

[HeartShineGirl]

But wouldn't him being married have been important to you?

 

I feel like he was lying just to be the guy that he thinks you want and not the person he really is.

 

Yes, married would have been important to me, but he didn't know that. Some girls don't care about things like that. If I had known that in the beginning I never would have even been interested. I'm pretty sure I never even would have been trying to become good friends with him.

 

I think he was lying because he wanted to get into my pants, plain and simple. I don't think at first he really was looking for more. Truth be told, I don't think he planned on falling in love with me. I think it's when that happened that he realized "Uh oh!"

[RRM]

Yes, married would have been important to me, but he didn't know that. Some girls don't care about things like that. If I had known that in the beginning I never would have even been interested. I'm pretty sure I never even would have been trying to become good friends with him.

 

I think he was lying because he wanted to get into my pants, plain and simple. I don't think at first he really was looking for more. Truth be told, I don't think he planned on falling in love with me. I think it's when that happened that he realized "Uh oh!"

 

So you're saying that him being married wouldn't have been okay with you, but at the same time you're trying to justify his reasons for lying to you all because you two are in love now?

 

I'm just trying to understand where are you coming from.

[Silly_Girl]

You might see it as mean but of course I have strong opinions about this particular subject (liars) and I'm not shy about saying that a man who lies about being married imo should be a deal breaker. The biggie is just one of many lies he has told the OP (well those she knows about). To me, lying about such a huge important thing says everything a person needs to know about his character and it isn't good. Most people feel this way SG, don't know why you had to chastise me for being mean.

 

Because I had got used to some really tender responses by you to people in similar situations to one you'd been in. You weren't always the duped OW. And by tender I don't mean condoning or encouraging or 'cheerleading'. I just meant that your posts had a lot of depth compared to the standard, and I think (and it's just my opinion) the empathy you showed meant that your advice (which was still anti-cheating, mind you) was all the more welcome and taken to heart. I didn't see that in your opening gambit to the OP, who hadn't shared a lot and could have been in quite a bad way...

 

And secondly, once upon a time you were not proud of your own situation but openly acknowledged you got a lot of support from the board. And it meant a lot to you, I remember. And a new poster who hasn't perhaps felt able to turn elsewhere might need a bit of kindness, some time to orient themselves here, learn to trust that he/she can speak up and be open and honest and there are still people who will listen and try to understand. BB, I apologise if you think I'm getting at you, I don't mean to, but I very much miss your old posting style.

[NoIDidn't]

I apologise if you think I'm getting at you, I don't mean to, but I very much miss your old posting style.

 

I miss yours too!

[HeartShineGirl]

I do come here to talk about not only what I am going through, but to offer support and encouragement to others too.

 

I talk about what I am going through here, because this is the "love shack" and I feel what I am going through is a valid topic. I feel that my feelings on the situation are also valid, as I am a human being with feelings like everyone else.

 

I don't mind being picked on. I am not trying to justify anything. I am just stating what is going on for me, what is true for me, and trying to understand what happened in his life that would make him stray from a marriage. I don't judge.

 

At times I have felt jealous/upset/angry/hurt/forgiving and every other emotion that you can imagine that I feel.

 

I have tried to "rationalize" to the best of my abilities what is going on. I only have my own experiences (life experiences) to go on.

 

I come for the advice, encouragement, etc... from this forum. I also come to vent a bit... when I need to. If I need to.

 

So far, I just came to open up to everyone about me, who I am, what I am going through, and let the masses respond as they feel inclined, or enticed to. Good and Bad.

 

I feel overall I am a good person. I feel that I am a caring person who tries to help others and who likes to see people happy. I also feel that the situation that I am in is something that I never would have put myself into had I known beforehand what the situation was. I'm trying to understand my own reasoning behind it all. Do I stay because I am in love? Do I stay because I realize something about myself and that's my own neediness? Or, am I blinded by love? I don't know what is happening with me... I only know what I trust, and believe in.. and that is that at this moment in my life.. I am learning a lesson. I am also learning to trust another person, who by all rights I should not be trusting. I'm learning to open up to someone, in a way I never have before, and to allow myself to love him unconditionally at this point, regardless of the situation.

 

And, I do feel loved. I sincerely do.

 

I appreciate everyone here. I have nothing to complain about today. I'm letting life just kind of swirl around me right now and going with the feelings in my heart.

 

I still think I am a good person. Just in a bad situation. And, I've learned that I guess I don't have the morals that I thought I did.

 

And, does Love follow any ethical guidelines? Really? Or, do we put those there in hopes to control this crazy thing called Love?

[HeartShineGirl]

Because I had got used to some really tender responses by you to people in similar situations to one you'd been in. You weren't always the duped OW. And by tender I don't mean condoning or encouraging or 'cheerleading'. I just meant that your posts had a lot of depth compared to the standard, and I think (and it's just my opinion) the empathy you showed meant that your advice (which was still anti-cheating, mind you) was all the more welcome and taken to heart. I didn't see that in your opening gambit to the OP, who hadn't shared a lot and could have been in quite a bad way...

 

And secondly, once upon a time you were not proud of your own situation but openly acknowledged you got a lot of support from the board. And it meant a lot to you, I remember. And a new poster who hasn't perhaps felt able to turn elsewhere might need a bit of kindness, some time to orient themselves here, learn to trust that he/she can speak up and be open and honest and there are still people who will listen and try to understand. BB, I apologise if you think I'm getting at you, I don't mean to, but I very much miss your old posting style.

 

Thank you for your kindness to me.

[jj33]

I've decided that I may be all of the things that everyone says about me and I have come to the conclusion that everything I am going through is very similar to many other such relationships/affairs (whatever we may call it) but I also have come to realize that in this lifetime there are many types of "love" and I suppose what I need to decide is whether or not this is a "Love" worth holding on to. Do I trust him, and believe in him and the love I feel with him or do I listen to the advice of people who may have a much better perspective (been there before)?

This is all for me to work on in my mind/heart/soul.

And, can there be situations where this exact same type of condition is present and it really is "real love" but that circumstances are the same?

I have to ask myself.... are we different? Are there other couples that started out this way and actually lasted? How do we know? How is it possible to make a judgment. I think of Camilla and Princess Diana and Prince Charles... and that love triangle. Did he love both women, or did he just really love Camilla, but stayed married because of circumstances? Diana was so beautiful, wasn't she? After she died, him and Camilla hooked up... finally....it's sad that Diana died, I'm not trying to say I hope anyone dies.... I am just saying... can love really be so patient and endure and really be so real that it can go through anything and still be love?

What really then is love? Is it selfish, is it forceful, do we have any right to tell another individual who they can love or be with or who they should chose? Would love do that? Or, would love say "I love you, no matter who you chose to be with, and even if you don't decide to come to me, I will always love you in my heart and soul for all that you make me feel and give to me." Is there really beautiful romantic love like that, and or do we all just wish there was?

 

I'm maybe all those things people say..... maybe. Then again.... I may be in the process of a life lesson that has yet to iron itself out.... and who knows what I am here to learn. All I know is if I can feel this love for as long as I can, I will.

 

 

But, I am aware of the statistics, and I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

 

You are comparing apples and oranges. This guy LIED to you about being married. He lied to you from day one. Big big difference from a love triangle like Charles and Camilla; Camilla knew he was married. The whole world knew he was married. Love triangles where the man didnt lie about being married from day one often work out (despite the statistics you read on here) but my view is that the majority of people end up posting here because things arent going well not because they are celebrating weddings tho that does happen from time to time.

 

Love triangles where people were lied to from day one? Almost never. I only know of one. A former poster who married the guy after she left him and told him to sort his life out.

 

You start out as you mean to go on. If you let him get away with anything and everything now, dont expect much later on when the first bloom of love is gone. If you really think this may be worth hanging on to, you need to start setting some boundaries. But good luck with that. He will need therapy and a lot of work to get past the idea that he can lie to the women in his life (you and his wife) whenever its the most expedient way to get what he wants.

[HeartShineGirl]

So you're saying that him being married wouldn't have been okay with you, but at the same time you're trying to justify his reasons for lying to you all because you two are in love now?

 

I'm just trying to understand where are you coming from.

 

 

I'm not trying to justify why he did what he did by hiding the truth, I'm simply giving a reason why I think he may have done so. Human behavior is far more complicated than I could even begin to understand. Who knows why we do things. We can say we're all perfect and we've never done anything wrong but that would be a lie. Think of a time when you may have cheated or you may have done something you know is wrong. Can you honestly say that your simple answer as to why you did so is really going to get at the root of the reason why you did it? No, because we do things and when we do the things that we do often there are so many subconscious triggers involved, things about us we didn't know. Loneliness for example, could be one reason why he did it. I'm just saying. I don't know the reason.

 

Now, for me to give justification would be for me to say it was okay that he did it. It was okay suggests that I now would go back and time and do it all the same again. That is not true. I wouldn't.

 

I don't think it's okay- however I am guilty of doing the same. I'm not trying to say that it's right because we are in love either. I'm not. What I was trying to say is that we are in love. But, not that what we are doing is right.

 

I know it's not. You know it's not. He knows it's not. Society knows it's not. We are all in agreement it's not right. But, what do you do?

 

It's kinda like a woman does not want any more kids. She goes to a doctor and finds out guess what, she's 6 months along and she didn't even know it! What does she do? Well... granted she doesn't want any more kids, so she can give it up for adoption, but what do you do when love is involved? I mean, how can you just easily make decisions. It's not easy. And, what about the father, doesn't he have say? It's like that... everything in life is complicated.

 

I wasn't looking for love... neither was he, and OOPS it happened. Now what do we do? Do we decide that it's not possibly real love because of the situation, or do we say well... um, now what? And, talk to each other about options and see what kind of a solution comes about?

 

I'm definitely feeling the gravity pulling me down, trust me. But I am going to consider life and the elements of human emotions, love and feelings, and also consider the amount of pain involved. Either staying or leaving. I'm in this mess. I have got to try to rationalize and understand it the best way I can, that is what I am trying to do. It's not as simple as: "I'm a mistress, and he's a married man" it seems like it is, but it's not that simple. Those are labels, and he is more than that label and our feelings and the entire situation is far more than that label. And, every relationship is different.

[HeartShineGirl]

You are comparing apples and oranges. This guy LIED to you about being married. He lied to you from day one. Big big difference from a love triangle like Charles and Camilla; Camilla knew he was married. The whole world knew he was married. Love triangles where the man didnt lie about being married from day one often work out (despite the statistics you read on here) but my view is that the majority of people end up posting here because things arent going well not because they are celebrating weddings tho that does happen from time to time.

 

Love triangles where people were lied to from day one? Almost never. I only know of one. A former poster who married the guy after she left him and told him to sort his life out.

 

You start out as you mean to go on. If you let him get away with anything and everything now, dont expect much later on when the first bloom of love is gone. If you really think this may be worth hanging on to, you need to start setting some boundaries. But good luck with that. He will need therapy and a lot of work to get past the idea that he can lie to the women in his life (you and his wife) whenever its the most expedient way to get what he wants.

 

 

Why do people lie? Haven't you ever lied about something? I have. I have lied to keep from getting into trouble. I have lied to keep from hurting someone. I have lied to get a better job. I have lied to people that trusted me all because I was afraid of what they might think. I've lied to hide who I really was, because, yes there were times when my self esteem was so low I didn't think anyone would like the real me.

 

Why did he lie? We do not know. But no matter how big of a lie it was, it was something he decided to do for whatever reason it was, and maybe it was so that he could feel the attention of a female, perhaps loved and admired? Perhaps just for sex. Perhaps because he was desperately lonely. Perhaps because he felt I wouldn't talk to him anymore.

 

All I know is he lied to me the very FIRST day I met him, and since then he's been becoming more and more truthful with me ever since. Who knows why he lied to a "stranger" but now that he knows me... he doesn't fear telling me the truth. I've shown him he doesn't have to lie to me anymore.

 

And, I think he loves me for that, and I do believe he'll follow his heart, and whatever he decides will be of his own choices... as I will surely not force him to make decisions. I can very well go on with my life and be happy.

 

I forgive him for that lie. I make no judgement, for I have lied my own lies in life, for my own reasons. Who am I to judge him?

[2sunny]

if he loved you as much as you say he does - he would find a way to be with you.

 

i hope you don't wait forever... in fact i hope you don't wait even a week longer.

 

make a decision and stick with it... a decision that looks out for YOUR best interest!

 

no one else will except you!

[whichwayisup]

You are comparing apples and oranges. This guy LIED to you about being married. He lied to you from day one.

 

I agree completely.

 

Why is it you continued with him once you knew the truth? And, how far in did you find out the truth? Weeks, months, a year? How emotionally attached and invested you were that you couldn't be PISSED OFF and feel jerked around, manipulated enough to tell him goodbye and realizing the guy is a LIAR and he isn't worth it? Why did you choose to continue after a whopping lie?

[fooled once]

Think about it. If the marriage was important to him (still) he wouldn't be out looking for love elsewhere. Obviously, it wasn't important anymore, and he didn't care if he jeopardized it. So while we may say "Wow, that was a huge lie, that is a major important thing you should have mentioned BEFORE we got into a relationship!" In his eyes it was already something he no longer thought important. I'm not saying what he did was right, I'm only saying as far as I could tell, it really no longer mattered to him.

 

And if you were so important to him, he would not have lied to you and he would be divorcing his wife for you ..... But he isn't is he?

 

[bYes, married would have been important to me, but he didn't know that. [/b] Some girls don't care about things like that. If I had known that in the beginning I never would have even been interested. I'm pretty sure I never even would have been trying to become good friends with him.

 

I think he was lying because he wanted to get into my pants, plain and simple. I don't think at first he really was looking for more. Truth be told, I don't think he planned on falling in love with me. I think it's when that happened that he realized "Uh oh!"

 

Are you kidding? He."didn't know" that being married was something you would have wanted to know? Gimme a break. More excuses for his actions

 

if he loved you as much as you say he does - he would find a way to be with you.

 

i hope you don't wait forever... in fact i hope you don't wait even a week longer.

 

make a decision and stick with it... a decision that looks out for YOUR best interest!

 

no one else will except you!

[jj33]

Why do people lie? Haven't you ever lied about something? I have. I have lied to keep from getting into trouble. I have lied to keep from hurting someone. I have lied to get a better job. I have lied to people that trusted me all because I was afraid of what they might think. I've lied to hide who I really was, because, yes there were times when my self esteem was so low I didn't think anyone would like the real me.

 

Why did he lie? We do not know. But no matter how big of a lie it was, it was something he decided to do for whatever reason it was, and maybe it was so that he could feel the attention of a female, perhaps loved and admired? Perhaps just for sex. Perhaps because he was desperately lonely. Perhaps because he felt I wouldn't talk to him anymore.

 

All I know is he lied to me the very FIRST day I met him, and since then he's been becoming more and more truthful with me ever since. Who knows why he lied to a "stranger" but now that he knows me... he doesn't fear telling me the truth. I've shown him he doesn't have to lie to me anymore.

 

And, I think he loves me for that, and I do believe he'll follow his heart, and whatever he decides will be of his own choices... as I will surely not force him to make decisions. I can very well go on with my life and be happy.

 

I forgive him for that lie. I make no judgement, for I have lied my own lies in life, for my own reasons. Who am I to judge him?

 

WWIU - she doesnt care that he lied to her. HeartShine I dont want to offend you but I think you are seeing this through the blinders of love. It really does matter. If honesty isnt a big deal to you, then you are with the right guy. Im not saying it cant work out. It could but your chances are a whole lot less than the people you are comparing yourself to.

 

And to answer - Who are you to judge him? He lied to you. Only you can look out for you. Every situation is different and you seem sure that you are on the right path but you have a whole lot more to unravel with someone who lied to you from day one than you do with someone who "had his reasons" for being unfaithful.

[HeartShineGirl]

Totally agree

 

OP - you are going to continue to be in the affair and continue to make excuses for his selfish behavior.

 

That's your right and as long as you know that you are willingly allowing him to continue to use you and you have given him the GO AHEAD to lie to you about pretty much anything and you will accept it -- then the other poster was right; you are no longer a victim and you are a willing participant.

 

Good luck. Check back in in a year and let us know if he is still married to that horrible wife of his.

 

 

It's not quite a year yet, is it? You wanted to get an update.... well I promise that I will soon.

 

For now,.... little has changes in regards to the living conditions (Yes, he still lives in the house with her).

 

He comes up to visit me and spends the night with me. She knows he's here. She's asked him to stay in the house to help with the mortgage, because as she puts it "she can't make it on her own without him". He's tried several times to talk to her about the divorce, and it all seems good. She spoke to me yesterday and told me that she wants it to all go smooth. She doesn't ever get angry or mad, but spends a great deal of time telling me so many things that I really don't need to know, and bragging about herself and putting him down over and over again. I sigh and listen, and even take the insults and put downs she points out about me that I deserve. I take it all. I do not try to argue.

 

He's planning to move out, he was going to during Christmas, but it's a long story involving myself, that I would rather not go into. I'm thinking his move will start in February. So, I do promise to get back to you on this with an update.

 

So much has happened.... I wish I had time to write it all, but it would be so long, but a good drama for those who like that kind of stuff. I've refrained from coming in here the past months, because I found out she was searching online for me.

 

Last night she found all of my youtube videos. I'm quite sure she's still searching. I had tried to delete these forum posts to no avail. Realizing they can't be deleted after some time has passed. So be it. I guess this is fate if it's found. I hope she doesn't find these, hope she doesn't know my username.

 

Anyways.... he's only living there at this point for convenience. Cheaper than moving out, but this is the last month he's planning to stay he cannot take it anymore.

 

But... wait for it. I will update soon. That is if anyone still cares to read. I wonder how things will turn out.

 

If things go as I believe they will.... he'll get his own place, continue to work in the city he lives in, he'll file for divorce, and I will finish my schooling.

 

However,... there's always the other reality.... but I don't think that's in the cards for us.

 

It really has truly been.... and I believe will always be, fantastic communication and love between us. And, I'm discovering, for the first time full trust for him.... with him... as now it appears he is being all truthful to me, and even to her.

 

Maybe it is, that truth sets us free..... and it is fear of the hurt that causes lies to be.

 

Update soon to come.

 

<3