♥ ~ Love Sickness ~ ♥

[PinkInTheLimo]

IHis love for me is too much and he is trying to decide how to leave her, in the best way possible with the least amount of agony and pain to all involved. He's also way in over his head with house, cars, bills, etc. So much so that almost his entire pay check goes to all that and for him to move out would mean that he would have no money to rent anywhere, so long as she and the son stayed in the house. He's sort of "staying home" to have somewhere to live especially now that his company has moved his 'job site' back to his city, where they are.

 

You know, MM who have an affair are all member of a club and in the meetings of this club they make up excuses they can give to their affair partners so that these would keep believing that one day the MM will leave his marriage and be together with them.

I highly recommend to take half a day and read as much as you can on this website in the "The Other Man/woman" department. You will notice that a lot of MM keep giving the same excuses. They sound good and the MM bring them with a lot of conviction but unfortunately these excuses are nothing more than some nice sounding phrases.

 

Look at what REALLY happens? Look at what REAL progress you make?

 

I know it is hard because you have to switch your state of mind from being very much in love with this to coldly and rationally looking at his behaviour. It's nicer to be in love than to realise you've been told a bunch of lies. But it's only when you start to see that you have been lied to that you can move on.

 

These guys don't function like you function. You want to be together with your big love. Nothing wrong with that IF the guy feels the same way about you.

In a situation with a MM, the MM wants to assure that he has 24/24 and 7/7 attention from women. He wants it all. He wants a safe home with a wife and kids and he wants the excitement of an affair. The perfect situation is that both women think they are the only one so he will adapt whatever he tells to obtaining that goal.

 

If you want true love, you have to start by ditching this guy.

[MissBee]

Heartshinegirl, you sound kind of crazy. You are obsessively posting here about this guys wife..I mean you said awhile ago that she won't let anyone get a word in but honestly by reading your posts here I suspect you have your own case of verbal diarrhea. You feel like everyone here is sticking up for his wife. I'm not. She may very well be exactly as you describe but regardless of what she does or doesn't do your boyfriend is still a cheater and a liar. Relentlessly telling us how awful she is doesn't change this fact in any way or form. She could be a serial killer and your boyfriend would still be a cheater and a liar.

 

Funny how you said in one of your posts how you were going to bash yourself for awhile too but then went on to write a long post bashing your exhusband instead. Not that I expect you to bash yourself, but your posts just sound loony. I mean do you really expect his wife to be singing his praises while she is out with her husbands MISTRESS? And whats up with you being out with her anyways? Why are doing that? In a much earlier post you complained of having to listen to her on the phone for 2 hours straight. Why are you spending 2 hours on the phone with her? Why are you going out with her? I think the three of you are nuts!! I've met guys who pick one crazy woman after the other. Maybe your boyfriend falls into this category.

 

It's all a bit mad to me too....

 

I was genuinely confused about what prompted HeartShine to post recently.

 

I understand everyone is different, but in my mind....if my man and I are in bliss and I have found "lasting love" wtf do I care about explaining myself or my man's ex wife's faults to people on LS?! I mean it doesn't make sense. I understanding one post or 2, but 50 posts of 70 paragraphs explaining her and him and their old marriage and what she does and all the rest.....it seems like quite a lot of work and nothing I'd be interested in doing. I have had the experience of posting on a forum in which people decided to make up their own stories about my post and began assuming and adding all kinds of details and I decided it was insane as none of what they were saying was true. I just stopped posting and actually lived my life...as none of what they said made any difference in my real life and there was no point or desire on my part to spend time explaining my life esp to those I felt "didn't understand".

 

If your real friends don't believe you, I do understand feeling the need to constantly explain, but if people on the internet don't believe you...how does it stop you from living your actual life? Do you stay up at nights thinking about how you can get LS people to stop defending the wife? I mean it's just mad to me that anyone would care that much if all is well.

Edited April 4, 2012 by MissBee

[bentnotbroken]

Heartshinegirl, you sound kind of crazy. You are obsessively posting here about this guys wife..I mean you said awhile ago that she won't let anyone get a word in but honestly by reading your posts here I suspect you have your own case of verbal diarrhea. You feel like everyone here is sticking up for his wife. I'm not. She may very well be exactly as you describe but regardless of what she does or doesn't do your boyfriend is still a cheater and a liar. Relentlessly telling us how awful she is doesn't change this fact in any way or form. She could be a serial killer and your boyfriend would still be a cheater and a liar.

 

Funny how you said in one of your posts how you were going to bash yourself for awhile too but then went on to write a long post bashing your exhusband instead. Not that I expect you to bash yourself, but your posts just sound loony. I mean do you really expect his wife to be singing his praises while she is out with her husbands MISTRESS? And whats up with you being out with her anyways? Why are doing that? In a much earlier post you complained of having to listen to her on the phone for 2 hours straight. Why are you spending 2 hours on the phone with her? Why are you going out with her? I think the three of you are nuts!! I've met guys who pick one crazy woman after the other. Maybe your boyfriend falls into this category.

 

 

I agree totally. I don't know if his wife is dingbat or not. I do know what being married to a cheater is like and how that makes you feel. There is nothing in his character that should cause her to sing his praises. There is some very troubling behavior in OP posts and it isn't all coming from the wife.

[yessy21]

Who are you trying to convince? yourself or us? i honestly think that its all about lust.

[HeartShineGirl]

That may be in some cases, except your MM's marriage has apparently been completely dead for a VERY long time, he's having an affair for two years, they both claim to not love each other, all his friends and family fully support him, his child is of age AND he already walked away, left and has his own place and was on his own when he met you. So that statement makes no sense . . . at all.

 

Are they just continuing the "separation" or are they really getting a divorce?

 

There is no need to resolve debt, support or property (or even religious) issues before filing for a divorce - that's not a prerequisite.

 

If/when things start dragging and you question MM and if MM claims he's finally filed for divorce, make sure you see the actual date-stamped receipt for the filing and/or go to the clerk's office. Your MM wouldn't be the first to claim he's filed when he's done no such thing.

 

 

 

 

A religious issue? It can't be related to their child, he's of age. Why are they having issues related to religion that need to be worked on before he can file for divorce?

 

Hi Alice,

 

I guess it's something I also can't understand.... much like your questions, I also used to wonder... but it could be cultural/religious/not sure?

I know when I left my marriage... I just left.

 

I honestly believe it's because she and the son live in the house... she can't afford to rent anywhere, she doesn't make enough, the son is in school, not working and I think he's just trying to be kind... but it may also come down to money as far as filing for divorce, all the demands she is making, and finances.. maybe even fear of her getting everything and all kinds of support, and you know, I really don't know.... but I don't question him... he asked me to trust him that he's doing it his way and for me to understand... and so it's not really making me uncomfortable. I don't question it and I don't really have an issue with him doing it his way.

[HeartShineGirl]

Heartshinegirl, you sound kind of crazy. You are obsessively posting here about this guys wife..I mean you said awhile ago that she won't let anyone get a word in but honestly by reading your posts here I suspect you have your own case of verbal diarrhea. You feel like everyone here is sticking up for his wife. I'm not. She may very well be exactly as you describe but regardless of what she does or doesn't do your boyfriend is still a cheater and a liar. Relentlessly telling us how awful she is doesn't change this fact in any way or form. She could be a serial killer and your boyfriend would still be a cheater and a liar.

 

Funny how you said in one of your posts how you were going to bash yourself for awhile too but then went on to write a long post bashing your exhusband instead. Not that I expect you to bash yourself, but your posts just sound loony. I mean do you really expect his wife to be singing his praises while she is out with her husbands MISTRESS? And whats up with you being out with her anyways? Why are doing that? In a much earlier post you complained of having to listen to her on the phone for 2 hours straight. Why are you spending 2 hours on the phone with her? Why are you going out with her? I think the three of you are nuts!! I've met guys who pick one crazy woman after the other. Maybe your boyfriend falls into this category.

 

I like you.. you make me smile. Okay, no I have not 'gone out with her' at all.

Um, I've talked to her total of 4 times on the phone in 2 years.

 

A lot of people lie and cheat and I suppose I don't label him a "liar and a cheater" because he's also "Wonderful, loving, caring, responsible, helpful, patient, understanding, a hard worker, giving, passionate, interesting, gives money to other people who need it, generous, etc.... " There are all kinds of "Labels" but the one of lying and cheating.... hmm... I'd say more often than not he's all those other labels that are wonderful and he's human and a person and I don't think that to call him those labels you call him means that makes him who he is. He's not a liar and a cheater. He's a man who lied.. and cheated... it's like saying a person who is disabled, is a

Disabled person. No! The disabled person is a PERSON who happens to be disabled. The way you label people is really bad if all you want to acknowledge is that he is a liar and a cheater... he's a hell of a lot more than that.

 

Yes, I said that I would bash myself in the sense of divulging the 'ugly' of my past... I was married to a man that I did not love. I didn't care if he cheated (I said that in my post) but see, the thing is... it's all how you look at it. Does it make my ex horrible because he cheated and lied to me all the time? I didn't treat him well, I told him I didn't love him... (kind of like the wife is doing) So, I am not trying to say "She's this bad person..." Without showing that "I did the same kind of thing to my ex... so I totally GET IT)

 

Okay? I am just not very good I guess at letting people on a forum talk so much crap about a man I love.. and yes, so I sound crazy because I think you all are crazy to think that every 'cheating man' needs to be labeled a cheater/liar and that means he's not worth the love I give him? I'm sorry, but my perspective is different. He may have lied, or cheated.. he may have done a lot of things, but for all he's done wrong he's done a lot more good and still continues to, even so far as trying to take care of them still and not toss them out.

 

Maybe I do sound nuts... maybe I shouldn't have come to a forum saying "I'm love sick, what do I do... what would you do?" way back when, but back then I had no idea what to do....

 

I call myself a mistress in this forum because that is the label that people HERE have given me... "That's what you all call it, that's what others call it so be it."

 

Am I a mistress? A woman that sleeps with married men to get support,love, etc with no commitment?

 

No....

 

I was never a mistress but I use the term... I was a very romantic woman looking for that very romantic man, and I found him and he found me and trust me I believe he was always looking too....

 

Maybe I am crazy over him or passionate about defending the beautiful man I found who makes my life wonderful who yes... lied and cheated to be with me....

 

I do not think he's going to lie and cheat to be with anyone else... no matter how much people here want to convince me of that. I just know he wont. I'm totally happy in love and the only issue I have is I can't really say that anything I have heard here from everyone trying to 'warn' me has come true.. none of the terrible things have come true.

 

I want to stay here to see what happens... as I said if any of it comes true, I'll be the first to eat my words... but if I end up happily in bliss with the man of my dreams for the rest of my life... to my dying day I may just come here and say to other Mistresses... "Don't listen to everything in these forums... sometimes... it is true love..."

 

Yeah... for that I am crazy as hell, and I own it!

[HeartShineGirl]

You know, MM who have an affair are all member of a club and in the meetings of this club they make up excuses they can give to their affair partners so that these would keep believing that one day the MM will leave his marriage and be together with them.

I highly recommend to take half a day and read as much as you can on this website in the "The Other Man/woman" department. You will notice that a lot of MM keep giving the same excuses. They sound good and the MM bring them with a lot of conviction but unfortunately these excuses are nothing more than some nice sounding phrases.

 

Look at what REALLY happens? Look at what REAL progress you make?

 

I know it is hard because you have to switch your state of mind from being very much in love with this to coldly and rationally looking at his behaviour. It's nicer to be in love than to realise you've been told a bunch of lies. But it's only when you start to see that you have been lied to that you can move on.

 

These guys don't function like you function. You want to be together with your big love. Nothing wrong with that IF the guy feels the same way about you.

In a situation with a MM, the MM wants to assure that he has 24/24 and 7/7 attention from women. He wants it all. He wants a safe home with a wife and kids and he wants the excitement of an affair. The perfect situation is that both women think they are the only one so he will adapt whatever he tells to obtaining that goal.

 

If you want true love, you have to start by ditching this guy.

 

I like the way that you talk. You're respectful to me and speak about "Cheating Men" and such in a way that gets attention and gets others to listen.

 

When I found out he was married.... I did come to online sites and read... lots of testimonials.

 

It made me think that this is a male-human-nature type of thing...

 

Some men cheat... some women cheat... People cheat... lots of people cheat... lots of people lie.... some don't ....

 

but...

 

If I had to let a website make up my mind for me instead of following my heart than I should rather just die... because what is the point of life and choosing if you let others live it for you or tell you what to do...

 

 

The best part of life is taking that least traveled path or so the story goes... maybe everyone else went up that path to the right and fell to their deaths.. so it's better to stay on the left path... but, ... I would be the one percent of people who would say... no... this right path looks good to me... I might have to take it.... I just might have to ignore the advice of everyone else who's affairs ended in tragedy/heartache/hurt and just let myself experience it for myself.

 

Maybe it will be as you say.. and as this site says.... but so far... it has not gone that direction... it's slowly moving in a more positive direction.... every day we both work on our lives with what we have planned for ourselves.. and merge together one day at a time.

 

I'm not willing to abandon a future that may turn out wonderful, just for fear that it may not.

 

I'll take my chances with this one.

[jwi71]

He apologized and said the reason he lied to me was because he had been living alone for about 9 months, traveling down to his home town once a month or so to visit his son, and do house repairs, not so much to see the wife. Um,... he loved his freedom from her and how good it felt to be on his own and was contemplating permanent separation even before he met me.

 

This is from a year ago....in this very thread.

He lived alone at a different address which you looked up online.

He had been doing so for 9 months. I suppose this means he also paid for bills at this "new" address AND his marital home.

But then, just recently in your return you say the following:

 

The divorce- well, they are trying to settle the house/monies/bills first. They have an agreement and it's a money issue. Also, I think a religious issue, they're working on it, it's going slowly, yes... but everyone does this type of thing at their own pace, for their own reasons...

 

I don't understand a person who can just walk away cold from a long relationship, file for divorce, and just leave.

 

What money and housing and "paying the bills" issues could there be?

He was, when you begin with him, ALREADY on his own. At a different address. Which you verified via various websites. How could he do this and NOT have solved those issues? He was, per your prior posts, ALREADY doing this.

 

What happened to the once, for 9 months at a minimum, acceptable arrangement?

 

And what religion allows one to cheat but NOT D? I mean, these issues clearly weren't an issue at the beginning. And if religion is playing a role here...and it precludes or hinders a D...what then for you? Will you stay as the public GF knowing you'll never get the "promotion"? And while superficially it may be acceptable...there are ALL kinds of legal and financial reasons this will prove problematic for YOU. Not to mention the religious ones which permit him to have a GF (a public A) AND a W....

 

Can you help me with that HSG?

[HeartShineGirl]

It's all a bit mad to me too....

 

I was genuinely confused about what prompted HeartShine to post recently.

 

I understand everyone is different, but in my mind....if my man and I are in bliss and I have found "lasting love" wtf do I care about explaining myself or my man's ex wife's faults to people on LS?! I mean it doesn't make sense. I understanding one post or 2, but 50 posts of 70 paragraphs explaining her and him and their old marriage and what she does and all the rest.....it seems like quite a lot of work and nothing I'd be interested in doing. I have had the experience of posting on a forum in which people decided to make up their own stories about my post and began assuming and adding all kinds of details and I decided it was insane as none of what they were saying was true. I just stopped posting and actually lived my life...as none of what they said made any difference in my real life and there was no point or desire on my part to spend time explaining my life esp to those I felt "didn't understand".

 

If your real friends don't believe you, I do understand feeling the need to constantly explain, but if people on the internet don't believe you...how does it stop you from living your actual life? Do you stay up at nights thinking about how you can get LS people to stop defending the wife? I mean it's just mad to me that anyone would care that much if all is well.

 

I was just trying to respond to each person... I type very fast, and I can get a whole lot out in a short period of time. I also love typing... and have a strong personal value to defend people or stick up for people that other people are trying to put down. I would do the same thing for anyone, not just doing this for my boyfriend. In other words, this is part of my personality to defend, and try to correct what I think is a harsh and wrong way of judging a person. If I was in public with you for example... and you say wore a t-shirt of some thing that some one else thought was inappropriate and that person got on your case for wearing the shirt that they didn't like (for example) I would jump right in their face and correct them on believing bad about someone just because they wore a tshirt... same as I come to the defense of any person who is being judged because of an action. My strongest value is fairness. My second strongest value is judging people wrong. I am very defensive of those things. So if I see/hear/know of anyone being unfair to someone (cruel or whatever) or if I see someone pointing a finger at another to label them, or whatever I get highly defensive and try to protect those people.

 

So, as I have said many many many times.... I do not believe a man who cheats on his wife, or lies to do so is a "Liar and a Cheat" and that's all he is and should not be trusted, ever, never again!

 

But, that is what a lot of other people think....

 

Okay... I'm sure each of you has a value that you highly value. Perhaps one of those values is truthfulness or perhaps faithfulness (above all else) and that is where me and you might butt our heads in disagreement.

 

I sometimes get into heated debates with those people for example who believe that circumcising a male child is okay. I am the person who feels that it is NOT okay, under any circumstances. And, I will have a heated debate about that because it is one of my values. I value a child's right to be born in his natural god given state (with a foreskin) and to be able to stay fully intact as he was designed in nature to be, and no crazy societal or religious act should strip him of something that is part of him without his consent. But, that is just me.

 

I also believe people should be able to breast feed their babies as long as they want to, if it's nurturing to the baby and mother loves the baby then what is wrong with breastfeeding til age 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or....? I defend any woman who is ridiculed because of her choice to do that. But, again that is just me.

 

As for my boyfriend.... I come to his defense because he is more than just a liar and a cheat. When I close my eyes and imagine a liar and a cheat, I get a negative image of a man not to be trusted, don't you? Well, how would you like it if you did one thing wrong in your life... say got caught shoplifting when you were 15 and for the rest of your life people say about you... "Don't trust her, she's a thief! Once a thief, always a thief!"

 

Or, what if you were judged for your weight?! How would you like if people saw you and you were over weight and they said only "She's a lazy fat slob!" I mean come on, just because someone is over weight doesn't mean they should have that label "Fat, Lazy or Slob!"

 

I am against LABELS. I am forgiving. I give people the chance to prove their TRUE colors. I do not like anyone just saying to me "He's going to do the same thing to you that mine did to me, and use you and never leave his wife..."

 

When I see that... when I hear that... all I think is "I really need to correct their thinking, because not every man who cheats or lies is a horrible man, and that does not mean that he'll always do the same thing again.... it does not mean that he will do the same thing again..... it does not mean he will do it again.. get my drift?"

 

That is why I rant in here, in defense. And, I know that I can't simply say "Oh he wont do that to me" because that sounds idiotic. What I want to say is that "It doesn't mean he will... just because he did..."

 

I prefer to have hope that he wont, and I prefer to give him a chance, and I prefer if others didn't judge someone ... 'just because that is what the majority of cheaters would do...' and truthfully... I do not think that is the case at all... I do not think that all cheaters/liars are living their lives cheating and lying to everyone in their life and always will.. no on the contrary, I believe people do what they do to get what they want, and try not to hurt others in the process, yet... sometimes, we do make bad mistakes.

 

I have faith that men are good, and that includes my boyfriend, who made a bad choice.

[HeartShineGirl]

Who are you trying to convince? yourself or us? i honestly think that its all about lust.

 

I'm way too old for lust. LOL, but when he walks around in shorts and a shirt and shows those lovely muscular legs and arms I do very often feel lust.

 

That is one of the most beautiful things about him, so yes,.. I feel lust for him at that moment. However, I am not a person attracted to the physical only.

 

What I am looking for and have always been looking for in a person (and I am very serious here) is a person that I can talk to, relate to, communicate with, trust, be truthful and open with and not have to worry that he will look at me and judge me as 'not skinny enough' or 'not pretty enough' or not 'whatever enough' for him.

 

My man.... is the only man in my life that I have ever been completely myself with. The only man that I have ever let see me run around the house naked with (I am shy) and the only man I've ever showered with and didn't feel embarrassed. He's seen me more without makeup than with. He's seen me dressed up and dressed down. Messy and sexy. He's never made me feel insecure, he's never made me feel bad. He's never hurt my feelings. He's done everything right... the way I need things to be and is one of the most lovely men I have ever known in my life. Humble, caring, generous, loving, genuine (even though you all know what he has done)... and he's just as quiet, and shy as I am... just as wonderful... and I do think I am wonderful. We both get along so well... and I really do not think it's lust at all... what I think it is ... truly is the best companionship I have ever had.

 

We make a really good pair... there is nothing but happiness and laughter and understanding when we are together and it is romantic too, and we are very alike in a lot of ways... but very different too.. he's pacific islander and I'm white...

 

If he believed everything he ever heard about white girls by all the warnings from others he'd never even have approached me to talk, nor ever dated me.

 

Because according to phillipino's, and most asians, and most pacific islanders white girls are all cheaters, and they all think they're too good to go out with asian guys, because all us white girls want in a man is a big, tall strong man with a huge p*****.

 

Excuse me?

 

 

Yeah... that's what he'd been told.

 

Oh boy! That's all I can say.....

 

I'm very pretty and blonde too, I guess that makes me an airhead and stupid. Even though I have Information technology certifications and can program and I have several years of higher education and degrees.

 

Maybe I have a lot of typos... (I'm better at math) but you know what... that doesn't make me an airhead or dingdong, just because I'm naturally a blonde.

 

 

I grew up with biker parents, but that doesn't make me a druggie.. I don't do drugs, heck I don't even drink alcohol!

 

Again, this is all labels. Labels piss me off. haha Oh well.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm way too old for lust. LOL, but when he walks around in shorts and a shirt and shows those lovely muscular legs and arms I do very often feel lust.

 

That is one of the most beautiful things about him, so yes,.. I feel lust for him at that moment. However, I am not a person attracted to the physical only.

 

What I am looking for and have always been looking for in a person (and I am very serious here) is a person that I can talk to, relate to, communicate with, trust, be truthful and open with and not have to worry that he will look at me and judge me as 'not skinny enough' or 'not pretty enough' or not 'whatever enough' for him.

 

My man.... is the only man in my life that I have ever been completely myself with. The only man that I have ever let see me run around the house naked with (I am shy) and the only man I've ever showered with and didn't feel embarrassed. He's seen me more without makeup than with. He's seen me dressed up and dressed down. Messy and sexy. He's never made me feel insecure, he's never made me feel bad. He's never hurt my feelings. He's done everything right... the way I need things to be and is one of the most lovely men I have ever known in my life. Humble, caring, generous, loving, genuine (even though you all know what he has done)... and he's just as quiet, and shy as I am... just as wonderful... and I do think I am wonderful. We both get along so well... and I really do not think it's lust at all... what I think it is ... truly is the best companionship I have ever had.

 

We make a really good pair... there is nothing but happiness and laughter and understanding when we are together and it is romantic too, and we are very alike in a lot of ways... but very different too.. he's pacific islander and I'm white...

 

If he believed everything he ever heard about white girls by all the warnings from others he'd never even have approached me to talk, nor ever dated me.

 

Because according to phillipino's, and most asians, and most pacific islanders white girls are all cheaters, and they all think they're too good to go out with asian guys, because all us white girls want in a man is a big, tall strong man with a huge p*****.

 

Excuse me?

 

 

Yeah... that's what he'd been told.

 

Oh boy! That's all I can say.....

 

I'm very pretty and blonde too, I guess that makes me an airhead and stupid. Even though I have Information technology certifications and can program and I have several years of higher education and degrees.

 

Maybe I have a lot of typos... (I'm better at math) but you know what... that doesn't make me an airhead or dingdong, just because I'm naturally a blonde.

 

 

I grew up with biker parents, but that doesn't make me a druggie.. I don't do drugs, heck I don't even drink alcohol!

 

Again, this is all labels. Labels piss me off. haha Oh well.

 

 

Apparently they don't piss you off enough not to use them to describe someone else......

 

 

Oh no... she is nuts

[HeartShineGirl]

This is from a year ago....in this very thread.

He lived alone at a different address which you looked up online.

He had been doing so for 9 months. I suppose this means he also paid for bills at this "new" address AND his marital home.

But then, just recently in your return you say the following:

 

 

 

What money and housing and "paying the bills" issues could there be?

He was, when you begin with him, ALREADY on his own. At a different address. Which you verified via various websites. How could he do this and NOT have solved those issues? He was, per your prior posts, ALREADY doing this.

 

What happened to the once, for 9 months at a minimum, acceptable arrangement?

 

And what religion allows one to cheat but NOT D? I mean, these issues clearly weren't an issue at the beginning. And if religion is playing a role here...and it precludes or hinders a D...what then for you? Will you stay as the public GF knowing you'll never get the "promotion"? And while superficially it may be acceptable...there are ALL kinds of legal and financial reasons this will prove problematic for YOU. Not to mention the religious ones which permit him to have a GF (a public A) AND a W....

 

Can you help me with that HSG?

 

Oh yes... I can see how that looks.

 

Okay... when he was living alone, it was because his job site sent him to another job site. When the company he works for did that they sent him 3 hours away from his 'home' to work at another site, and manage it. Because of the type of job he does, they really needed someone with his expertise. Thus, the company he works for paid for him to live at this other location. So, he wasn't paying for bills at both places... they were paying for his rent up here, and also giving him spending money to live on 'groceries, gas, etc' because they needed him to be up at this new job site.

 

But, when that job was done, the company he works for made him (forced him) to go back down to his original job back down in the city where he owned his house. Yes, now you get it. So he was living on his own, paid for by his company.... just went down south to take care of some repairs on weekends, and such... but yes, of course he still paid his mortgage on his house, and all the bills and gardener, etc.

 

She did not work. Son was in school, also not working. He paid for all of their living expenses.

 

But, while he was up here... enjoying his 'freedom' from 'being around her' if you will.... and loving it... he contemplated that kind of happiness...

 

That's cleared up I hope.

 

 

I called him just now and asked him "How come you haven't filed for divorce yet....?" since I was defending him in here.. and trying to come up with reasons, that I thought were the correct reasons, and I was apparently wrong.

 

I asked him and he said that it was because he has not found a lawyer yet, he doesn't have time off of work except for Sundays, he works from 4am-4:30pm and since he's one of the managers who locks up and does the time sheets for people, he's rarely out of there before 5pm. He has been trying to get the time off of work to be approved but because of the project they are on now, he can't get the time off approved during this crunch time at his job. I know all about it, I've been there and heard the other employees talking about how some of the higher ups are still there til 10pm at night freaking out trying to figure out how they are going to make these deadlines.... so I realized... it's just not been something he could get to... but he wondered why I asked, because he was concerned that I worried that he wasn't wanting to get divorced, and he doesn't want me to think that.

 

I felt silly.... because I've always told him to do what he needs to do and that I trust him and here I am questioning him because of all of YOU questioning me.

 

I explained to him that when people ask why he's not divorced yet, that I didn't know what to say.

 

He simply said.... "You shouldn't have to explain yourself to others about our relationship, that is between me and you... and it's inappropriate for anyone to question our love for each other- if you don't question it... and I don't.. and we are happy, what business is it of anyone else's what we are doing and how we are doing it?"

 

I simply said... "Because there are people that believe that I shouldn't trust you. There are people that believe that you are a liar and a cheat, and label you that way. There are people that believe I'm a fool, and that I don't see the truth of the facts that you are probably just using me...."

 

He said "Who are these people.....?"

 

I just paused....

 

He then added "My love.... do you worry about those things?"

 

I just told him "No, I don't.. I'm fine with how you are handling your affairs, I just didn't know what to say when I am questioned...."

 

He said... "You shouldn't even be questioned...I am in a relationship with you... not with them, whoever this is saying these things to you.... and you don't need to defend me, I love you.... I will make the time as soon as I can I promise, I am trying to get the time off of work to do this... please... you know this...Do not worry."

 

He's right... I do know this. He still owns the house, she still lives in it with their son... she's been looking for a job to pay the bills but the job she has right now doesn't... the realtor that they spoke to about selling the house told them what to do to get the house ready. He's been paying off a lot of bills/debt to get things under control so that he can not worry about the debt (that he will most likely have to be paying for) he made her stop using all those credit cards, and, he's paid off a couple of the cars, completely so not to worry about those either, and they have closed their mutual accounts and sat down and discussed who is going to get what and what they are going to sell.

 

That is the stuff they've gotten in order....

 

 

Now, I genuinely hope that with all I have said that perhaps people would stop trying to convince me that he's a liar and a cheat and using me and that I am some kind of fool.... please...

 

I'd like to talk about my feelings more.... and not spend so much time defending everything.

 

Coming here... to say "This is so hard... I miss him.... what a mess of a life I got into ..... " was all the reason I came in the first place....

 

 

But in the end I stayed to defend 'all men who cheat' from being labeled as 'bad forever and ever and ever.....'

 

awe! that is so not true!

 

[MissBee]

I was just trying to respond to each person... I type very fast, and I can get a whole lot out in a short period of time. I also love typing... and have a strong personal value to defend people or stick up for people that other people are trying to put down. I would do the same thing for anyone, not just doing this for my boyfriend. In other words, this is part of my personality to defend, and try to correct what I think is a harsh and wrong way of judging a person. If I was in public with you for example... and you say wore a t-shirt of some thing that some one else thought was inappropriate and that person got on your case for wearing the shirt that they didn't like (for example) I would jump right in their face and correct them on believing bad about someone just because they wore a tshirt... same as I come to the defense of any person who is being judged because of an action. My strongest value is fairness. My second strongest value is judging people wrong. I am very defensive of those things. So if I see/hear/know of anyone being unfair to someone (cruel or whatever) or if I see someone pointing a finger at another to label them, or whatever I get highly defensive and try to protect those people.

 

So, as I have said many many many times.... I do not believe a man who cheats on his wife, or lies to do so is a "Liar and a Cheat" and that's all he is and should not be trusted, ever, never again!

 

But, that is what a lot of other people think....

 

Okay... I'm sure each of you has a value that you highly value. Perhaps one of those values is truthfulness or perhaps faithfulness (above all else) and that is where me and you might butt our heads in disagreement.

 

I sometimes get into heated debates with those people for example who believe that circumcising a male child is okay. I am the person who feels that it is NOT okay, under any circumstances. And, I will have a heated debate about that because it is one of my values. I value a child's right to be born in his natural god given state (with a foreskin) and to be able to stay fully intact as he was designed in nature to be, and no crazy societal or religious act should strip him of something that is part of him without his consent. But, that is just me.

 

I also believe people should be able to breast feed their babies as long as they want to, if it's nurturing to the baby and mother loves the baby then what is wrong with breastfeeding til age 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or....? I defend any woman who is ridiculed because of her choice to do that. But, again that is just me.

 

As for my boyfriend.... I come to his defense because he is more than just a liar and a cheat. When I close my eyes and imagine a liar and a cheat, I get a negative image of a man not to be trusted, don't you? Well, how would you like it if you did one thing wrong in your life... say got caught shoplifting when you were 15 and for the rest of your life people say about you... "Don't trust her, she's a thief! Once a thief, always a thief!"

 

Or, what if you were judged for your weight?! How would you like if people saw you and you were over weight and they said only "She's a lazy fat slob!" I mean come on, just because someone is over weight doesn't mean they should have that label "Fat, Lazy or Slob!"

 

I am against LABELS. I am forgiving. I give people the chance to prove their TRUE colors. I do not like anyone just saying to me "He's going to do the same thing to you that mine did to me, and use you and never leave his wife..."

 

When I see that... when I hear that... all I think is "I really need to correct their thinking, because not every man who cheats or lies is a horrible man, and that does not mean that he'll always do the same thing again.... it does not mean that he will do the same thing again..... it does not mean he will do it again.. get my drift?"

 

That is why I rant in here, in defense. And, I know that I can't simply say "Oh he wont do that to me" because that sounds idiotic. What I want to say is that "It doesn't mean he will... just because he did..."

 

I prefer to have hope that he wont, and I prefer to give him a chance, and I prefer if others didn't judge someone ... 'just because that is what the majority of cheaters would do...' and truthfully... I do not think that is the case at all... I do not think that all cheaters/liars are living their lives cheating and lying to everyone in their life and always will.. no on the contrary, I believe people do what they do to get what they want, and try not to hurt others in the process, yet... sometimes, we do make bad mistakes.

 

I have faith that men are good, and that includes my boyfriend, who made a bad choice.

 

You're talking about breastfeeding, cheaters, children being born with foreskin, shoplifters. I'm confused but you need not try to explain further. I get what I need to get. Trust me.

 

Your boyfriend doesn't know any of us....why do you need to "defend him". Does he sit around crying about what people on LS think about him? We don't know him and don't think about him once we X out of this thread. So there is nothing to "defend" IMO. I think the lines between real life and virtual life and what matters are blurred. That's what I'm saying. If your real friends were dissing your man in real life, off line, I would understand the need to defend....but to come online to defend virtual peope's opinions about him, when we don't know you or him and our opinions don't matter...you are one dedicated woman...but dedicated to the wrong thing IMO and exerting energy where it does not count.

 

I'm simply saying I wouldn't do what you're doing and wouldn't spend my time writing lengthy messages to strangers I don't know explaining my boyfriend. I don't see a point in it, whether or not I typed fast . It would just be a pointless venture to me...esp since the more I type the more people are convinced of everything but what I am trying to convince them of.

 

Welll Heartshine....you go on right ahead girl. Do what you do....if defending his honor online to people who aren't convinced and who don't know you all makes you feel accomplished...you go right ahead girl.

Edited April 5, 2012 by MissBee

[alexandria35]

I was just trying to respond to each person... I type very fast, and I can get a whole lot out in a short period of time. I also love typing... and have a strong personal value to defend people or stick up for people that other people are trying to put down. I would do the same thing for anyone, not just doing this for my boyfriend. In other words, this is part of my personality to defend, and try to correct what I think is a harsh and wrong way of judging a person. If I was in public with you for example... and you say wore a t-shirt of some thing that some one else thought was inappropriate and that person got on your case for wearing the shirt that they didn't like (for example) I would jump right in their face and correct them on believing bad about someone just because they wore a tshirt... same as I come to the defense of any person who is being judged because of an action. My strongest value is fairness. My second strongest value is judging people wrong. I am very defensive of those things. So if I see/hear/know of anyone being unfair to someone (cruel or whatever) or if I see someone pointing a finger at another to label them, or whatever I get highly defensive and try to protect those people.

 

So, as I have said many many many times.... I do not believe a man who cheats on his wife, or lies to do so is a "Liar and a Cheat" and that's all he is and should not be trusted, ever, never again!

 

But, that is what a lot of other people think....

 

Okay... I'm sure each of you has a value that you highly value. Perhaps one of those values is truthfulness or perhaps faithfulness (above all else) and that is where me and you might butt our heads in disagreement.

 

I sometimes get into heated debates with those people for example who believe that circumcising a male child is okay. I am the person who feels that it is NOT okay, under any circumstances. And, I will have a heated debate about that because it is one of my values. I value a child's right to be born in his natural god given state (with a foreskin) and to be able to stay fully intact as he was designed in nature to be, and no crazy societal or religious act should strip him of something that is part of him without his consent. But, that is just me.

 

I also believe people should be able to breast feed their babies as long as they want to, if it's nurturing to the baby and mother loves the baby then what is wrong with breastfeeding til age 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or....? I defend any woman who is ridiculed because of her choice to do that. But, again that is just me.

 

As for my boyfriend.... I come to his defense because he is more than just a liar and a cheat. When I close my eyes and imagine a liar and a cheat, I get a negative image of a man not to be trusted, don't you? Well, how would you like it if you did one thing wrong in your life... say got caught shoplifting when you were 15 and for the rest of your life people say about you... "Don't trust her, she's a thief! Once a thief, always a thief!"

 

Or, what if you were judged for your weight?! How would you like if people saw you and you were over weight and they said only "She's a lazy fat slob!" I mean come on, just because someone is over weight doesn't mean they should have that label "Fat, Lazy or Slob!"

 

I am against LABELS. I am forgiving. I give people the chance to prove their TRUE colors. I do not like anyone just saying to me "He's going to do the same thing to you that mine did to me, and use you and never leave his wife..."

 

When I see that... when I hear that... all I think is "I really need to correct their thinking, because not every man who cheats or lies is a horrible man, and that does not mean that he'll always do the same thing again.... it does not mean that he will do the same thing again..... it does not mean he will do it again.. get my drift?"

 

That is why I rant in here, in defense. And, I know that I can't simply say "Oh he wont do that to me" because that sounds idiotic. What I want to say is that "It doesn't mean he will... just because he did..."

 

I prefer to have hope that he wont, and I prefer to give him a chance, and I prefer if others didn't judge someone ... 'just because that is what the majority of cheaters would do...' and truthfully... I do not think that is the case at all... I do not think that all cheaters/liars are living their lives cheating and lying to everyone in their life and always will.. no on the contrary, I believe people do what they do to get what they want, and try not to hurt others in the process, yet... sometimes, we do make bad mistakes.

 

I have faith that men are good, and that includes my boyfriend, who made a bad choice.

 

Well how about that? You and I have some common ground. I'm also a big believer in noncircumcision and a big supporter of breastfreeding moms. Neither of my boys are circumcised which is not all that unusual now but way back when my oldest was born circumcision was still practiced by the majority and I had an epic fight with my sons father over it.

 

You really are all over the place. You proclaim yourself to be this great defender of anyone who is being attacked yet you attack this mans wife over and over again on this thread. You have made her sound simply horrid and then you freak out and start posting like a maniac anytime anyone here dares to feel any empathy for her.

 

So I suspect that your boyfriend is very charming and makes you feel very good. I think this is why you are so willing to overlook his lies. I also don't think telling one lie makes a person a liar for life or making a teenage mistake makes one a bad apple for life. However this is a lie that he told you over and over again, not just the day he met you but everyday after that he lived that lie. Yes that is the difference here. He didn't just tell you a lie, he lived a lie. You had to figure out the truth for yourself. And he lied to you about other things as well, such as being a non smoker, and were not talking about a foolish teenager here. Were talking about a man who by the sounds of it is in his 50's and is old enough to know better. But you just don't care, you refuse to see that behavior as a measure of someone's character. Your choice I guess. I wish you luck and do hope you will keep us posted.

[2sunny]

Heart - are you ADD or the OCD type? Just wondering- I have a friend that goes full speed lightening at every little nit picky thing - but she's on medicine (prescribed speed) for her ADD. It looks much like what you do here when you type.

[HeartShineGirl]

You're talking about breastfeeding, cheaters, children being born with foreskin, shoplifters. I'm confused but you need not try to explain further. I get what I need to get. Trust me.

 

Your boyfriend doesn't know any of us....why do you need to "defend him". Does he sit around crying about what people on LS think about him? We don't know him and don't think about him once we X out of this thread. So there is nothing to "defend" IMO. I think the lines between real life and virtual life and what matters are blurred. That's what I'm saying. If your real friends were dissing your man in real life, off line, I would understand the need to defend....but to come online to defend virtual peope's opinions about him, when we don't know you or him and our opinions don't matter...you are one dedicated woman...but dedicated to the wrong thing IMO and exerting energy where it does not count.

 

I'm simply saying I wouldn't do what you're doing and wouldn't spend my time writing lengthy messages to strangers I don't know explaining my boyfriend. I don't see a point in it, whether or not I typed fast . It would just be a pointless venture to me...esp since the more I type the more people are convinced of everything but what I am trying to convince them of.

 

Welll Heartshine....you go on right ahead girl. Do what you do....if defending his honor online to people who aren't convinced and who don't know you all makes you feel accomplished...you go right ahead girl.

 

 

I'm not trying to defend 'him'.

 

I'm trying to defend all men who are all labeled 'bad' just because they had an affair/cheated/lied.

 

It's an entire epidemic of people believing that the mistress will never get the man she wants because he's a no good piece of **** since 'once cheater, always a cheater.'

 

But, no one is getting that message. No one wants to hear it. No one even acknowledges it.

 

There are way too many people here leaning the other way... and when a woman comes here, torn and hurt because she's with a married man....

 

all she is going to hear is how she shouldn't stay with him... or she shouldn't trust him.

 

I'm defending all those guys out there that just might really be in love and plan to leave to go with the mistress... because... if I don't who else will?

 

 

 

 

So, I'm not doing all this writing just to defend 'my' boyfriend. I'm doing this to make a point so you all might stop and think for a moment about the advice you give... that's all.

[2sunny]

I'm not trying to defend 'him'.

 

I'm trying to defend all men who are all labeled 'bad' just because they had an affair/cheated/lied.

 

It's an entire epidemic of people believing that the mistress will never get the man she wants because he's a no good piece of **** since 'once cheater, always a cheater.'

 

But, no one is getting that message. No one wants to hear it. No one even acknowledges it.

 

There are way too many people here leaning the other way... and when a woman comes here, torn and hurt because she's with a married man....

 

all she is going to hear is how she shouldn't stay with him... or she shouldn't trust him.

 

I'm defending all those guys out there that just might really be in love and plan to leave to go with the mistress... because... if I don't who

 

So, I'm not doing all this writing just to defend 'my' boyfriend. I'm doing this to make a point so you all might stop and think for a moment about the advice you give... that's all.

 

it's not yours to defend. And why would you want to defend a whole group of any people?

 

I think defend is the wrong word.

 

You're not making sense. Defend the cheaters - because it may work out? The evidence in the end result shows if it worked or not - there's never a need to defend what is evident.

 

That's why this doesn't make sense.

[HeartShineGirl]

Well how about that? You and I have some common ground. I'm also a big believer in noncircumcision and a big supporter of breastfreeding moms. Neither of my boys are circumcised which is not all that unusual now but way back when my oldest was born circumcision was still practiced by the majority and I had an epic fight with my sons father over it.

 

You really are all over the place. You proclaim yourself to be this great defender of anyone who is being attacked yet you attack this mans wife over and over again on this thread. You have made her sound simply horrid and then you freak out and start posting like a maniac anytime anyone here dares to feel any empathy for her.

 

So I suspect that your boyfriend is very charming and makes you feel very good. I think this is why you are so willing to overlook his lies. I also don't think telling one lie makes a person a liar for life or making a teenage mistake makes one a bad apple for life. However this is a lie that he told you over and over again, not just the day he met you but everyday after that he lived that lie. Yes that is the difference here. He didn't just tell you a lie, he lived a lie. You had to figure out the truth for yourself. And he lied to you about other things as well, such as being a non smoker, and were not talking about a foolish teenager here. Were talking about a man who by the sounds of it is in his 50's and is old enough to know better. But you just don't care, you refuse to see that behavior as a measure of someone's character. Your choice I guess. I wish you luck and do hope you will keep us posted.

 

The reason that it doesn't matter to me that he lied to me is that I understand why he lied and because I understand the lies and what he did, I am forgiving. I have forgiven him and the lies doesn't bother me now. I forgive all of that. So, what exactly is your point in constantly pointing out he lied/cheated/etc (through all of that beginning of being with him) when I have already forgiven him and understand...?

 

This is what I don't get. You all KNOW I have forgiven him, and it's over with and in the past, but yet... it seems that I need to be drilled about how I am in some kind of fantasy or disbelief or 'because he's so charming...' what the heck? I forgave him!

 

Is it so wrong of me to do that? What would you like from me? To once again acknowledge what I have already acknowledged for what seems like a book of pages here? You wanna rub in my face some more how he lied to me, go right on ahead, but the only thing you are going to get out of me is "I KNOW already!" Geesh.. I am the one who wrote it here that he lied.

 

Why do people not get that I don't give a crap that he lied? I understand why he did.. I don't care if you all understand why he did... I don't care.

 

I keep repeating the same thing in and out and in and out.

 

I'm trying to figure out what the point of all your points are. So my question is...

 

"What is the point of telling me that he lied/cheated when I already know he did and I forgave him and have moved on past that?"

 

And, of course I am gonna say things bad about her... I know how she is and I do not like people like her who do things she has done (which I did not even tell you all the truth about her but if I did you would totally see what I mean) I kept that part of the past of what she did secret, because it's way too personal.

 

But yes I did talk about the things she did to him that I did not like, because I love him to pieces. I have no right to come in here and tell you all what she did to her children, or any one else, now do I? No... that is private, and my opinion of her is totally based on what SHE herself has told me, not what my boyfriend has told me, or his family members... but what I myself found out from her own mouth. I have every right to say I don't like that. I told that to her directly that I didn't agree with what she's done/said/did.... and I will continue to say that.

 

I had total sympathy for her BEFORE I learned who she really was and the kind of person she was.

[HeartShineGirl]

Heart - are you ADD or the OCD type? Just wondering- I have a friend that goes full speed lightening at every little nit picky thing - but she's on medicine (prescribed speed) for her ADD. It looks much like what you do here when you type.

 

 

LOL, no, but I wish I were! I'm a Virgo (Nit Picky) and I am an INFP (Myers Briggs Personality type) which explains why I seem like your friend.

 

This is the site that tells about my personality type:

 

Portrait of an INFP

 

Here's a quote about my personality from that site: (It will explain why I am the way I am)

 

"INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

 

 

~ Amen.

 

 

P.S. By the way... I'm not this 'noisy' in real life. I'm very laid back and quiet, and a loner and just a book worm or quiet type. I do not say much, I try very much to be soft spoken and not hurt anyone's feelings. I am very much only 'talkative' when I type... I do NOT talk like this in person....

 

I know some people who have OCD and ADD .... I may seem that way when I type, but in person, you'll be lucky if I even bother to talk. Usually I prefer to talk only 'positive' and happy things... and to motivate others. I don't complain and I don't hold grudges and I do not bother with drama like this stuff going on here in this forum... this would be way too much for me in real life to even bother with. But, in here... I have a little mission....

 

To prove you all wrong I swear, my man is amazing.... you will see... you will see. And, I do love you all for keeping me in supply of reasons to post. Wanting to say so much more on the topic of my love with him all of the time and the things we do and how it is, but I can't seem to get past the 'past' which is the whole 'lies' thing... people just don't want to drop that topic and move on.... so I keep trying to explain that A) I'm over it and B) Not all liars/cheats are jerks.

 

One day I can get to the good stuff..... maybe.

Edited April 5, 2012 by HeartShineGirl

[2sunny]

The best way to get past the negative part - is to ignore it - and it will go away. It keeps cropping up if you continue to feed your own thread...

[HeartShineGirl]

it's not yours to defend. And why would you want to defend a whole group of any people?

 

I think defend is the wrong word.

 

You're not making sense. Defend the cheaters - because it may work out? The evidence in the end result shows if it worked or not - there's never a need to defend what is evident.

 

That's why this doesn't make sense.

 

 

Men cheat. Women cheat. Most do not get caught.

Some men cheat but stay with their wives.

Some men cheat but are caught and have a choice: Wife or Mistress

The wife hurts. The mistress hurts.

(In reality everyone hurts-it's not an easy decision)

Wife has the upper hand (Time with him, etc)

Mistress has two choices: One- Leave and never look back (believe he's a rotten piece of work) or Two- Find out what he wants to do, does he love her?

Man has many choices: Stay with wife/end affair. Stay with wife/continue affair, or Leave wife/go with Mistress.

 

But... no one ever told me that, when I came here. The only thing I was ever told was "He's going to keep his wife and then keep using you on the side."

 

It made me hurt so much to hear that, it made me not believe anything he said, every time he told me he was going to leave her, I didn't believe him because of what I was told here.

 

What I know now.... he was always going to leave her, I put him through a lot questioning his intentions (because of what I heard here) and I don't want to pass up the opportunity to let those of you know, who wanted me warn me that I'd just be used... that guess what? He's not using me.

 

He left his wife.

He moved 30 miles away (Closer to his work).

He talks to me and spends his time with me.

He did make a mistake, but I'm glad I didn't just leave his side and abandon him.

He's wonderful. I love him.

 

I've forgiven him... and maybe, just maybe someone else will read my posts and stick beside a man they love and have it work out too.

 

I would never turn my back on a wonderful person, who was wonderful to me... because of a lie... or because of a bad choice he made/choices he made. I would listen, understand and then decide.

 

That's what I did.

 

And again, if this all doesn't work out I will be the first to eat my words.

 

Sorry that I ramble sometimes... it seems I come in here in the night, after work and school and when I am all alone in my room and find something to ramble about. I like to be passionate about things, but I usually do not have an outlet for it, and since I am not a very 'verbal' person, typing my rants are kind of good for me... whether or not I make any sense... I feel like I'm at least getting the energy out.

 

It's so strange to me to be such a different person when I type, than when I talk... I'd never talk this much.... I'd never rant like this. I'd never fight with anyone if I could help it... I try not to ever.

 

But if I was sitting there with you ... I would probably not be there more than a few moments, because the moment one of you got into my face to remind me of something that my boyfriend did that I have forgiven, I would just get up and walk away, what's the sense?

 

Okay so now.... I dunno where to begin. I just want all that stuff to end.

[2sunny]

I hope you can forgive yourself.

 

No need to convince us - but it sure seems like you're trying hard to convince yourself...especially after I pointed out that the thread would die if you would just quit posting in it.

[HeartShineGirl]

The bolded, re: drama. Heartshine your posts are FULL of drama, your life as you described it with that other man was FULL of drama, you life now with this man and his wife is reeking of DRAMA! Girl........You need to think some more about your drama thing.

 

 

I don't have any drama in my life, that's the thing. It seems like it, because all of the drama is in here. Now, for a time (about a year and a half ago) I did have drama.

 

My life now is very calm, and quiet.

 

I go to work, at a job that I love, it's wonderful.

I then go to the University and study, and attend classes (4 nights a week)

I come home to a peaceful home that I love.

I am surrounded with and spend all of my time with my daughters, two of which are also in college, and one in high school.

I do not go out to bars/clubs/etc.

My social life is my children, my sister, and my best friend (who lives close by and who I go to lunch with a couple of days per week to catch up on stuff going on in her life and my life)

For fun, I spend weekends with my boyfriend, mostly he comes up here and we do BBQ's here at the house. I make cupcakes, cookies, cakes, whatever, and he does his amazing Island BBQ's.

We spend all our time in each other's company with the kids and their boyfriends over, and enjoying happy moments.

On Monday's he does his long drive back to where he lives to go to work and me and him talk on the phone and text and send photos and do video chats during the week when we are apart.

We do not talk about anything that is drama because we have so much other things to talk about which is all the reason I love him so much (conversations are really really good).

I'm always happy, and wake up every morning looking out my windows and feelings so glad to be alive.

I have no complaints about anything.. not about weight/health/friends/life/work, nothing! It's all wonderful.

I came here when I was so love sick... so hurting, so emotional and not sure what to do, and wanted advice... blurted out all the truth to look for hope... I got none. I got 'negativity'... it's not what I wanted... but it was okay, any support at that time was nice.

These days I am quite busy with 'life' and it's a very happy life. Put me on spring break for a week from school and I start looking for something to do that is at home, online, so it's safe (not at bars or any of that, that's not me) .... and I remember this forum, and come back to give good news that he left her... and kept coming back to see what people would say... and STILL all I get is negativity... and worse... I can't really even come in here and say "OMG his wife is crazy" and get any kind of support, no... I get more 'negativity' and lots of criticism about me, my personality, and my motivations, and my wasting my time and all of that... which I constantly take with a smile shaking my head going "Oh no they just didn't push my 'defense' button, oh yes,.. yes they did...."

And, I sit here enjoying this 'drama' in this forum that I so do not get in my real life. It's kind of exciting, but I do not partake of any kind of drama in my real life.....

 

But, yes.. for a time, I admit I did..... of course... falling in love with a married man was the extent of the drama in my life.

 

It's all done now, and I am happy.

[HeartShineGirl]

I miss him.... and Saturday just isn't coming fast enough.

[2sunny]

Glad you are happy! I love hearing that!!!