The dreaded break up talk :-(

[johan]

Lol! Maybe one of these days we'll meet the man of our dreams in that section. Maybe he'll be clutching a book "how to overcome a woman that pushes you away" and I'll be holding "how not to push men away"- our eyes will meet- and we'll have a story book ending:lmao:

 

ha ha. There are no books like that for guys. I checked.

[D-Lish]

ha ha. There are no books like that for guys. I checked.

 

Lol Jo. There is a book directed toward chicks called "it's called a break up because it's broken".

 

It's a harsh read- but it can apply to men as well. There was a checklist for investment- and my guy failed everything on that checklist. I suspect your girl would have failed everything on that checklist as well.

[johan]

I suspect your girl would have failed everything on that checklist as well.

 

You're probably right.

 

But I am soo over her, girlfriend!

[D-Lish]

You're probably right.

 

But I am soo over her, girlfriend!

 

That's so good to hear.

[johan]

That's so good to hear.

 

Well, there's a lingering bit of disappointment and occasional regrets about my own actions. But mostly I'm just thinking about the future and feeling optimistic. Nice for a change.

 

Your turn.

[Star Gazer]

Lol Jo. There is a book directed toward chicks called "it's called a break up because it's broken".

 

It's a harsh read- but it can apply to men as well. There was a checklist for investment- and my guy failed everything on that checklist. I suspect your girl would have failed everything on that checklist as well.

 

Ha! I actually had that book and gave it to a good guy friend during a tumultuous breakup he went though. He wound up getting over her pretty quickly... He met a new girl, and 3 years later, they're now married with a baby on the way.

[Gala]

Amazon.com can be especially helpful for procuring relationship books...

 

D-Lish -- I also recommend playing "Walk Away," as often as needed. Originally performed by the James Gang, though I do enjoy a live version by Tesla. Link below.

 

[D-Lish]

Well, there's a lingering bit of disappointment and occasional regrets about my own actions. But mostly I'm just thinking about the future and feeling optimistic. Nice for a change.

 

Your turn.

 

It is nice, I hope I get to that place sooner, rather than later. I'm still having trouble knowing it's over. I really loved him, and I just wanted to make him happy. I set up a dating profile again. Which is discouraging- 60 messages in the past 24 hours and no one I'd consider talking to.

 

Ha! I actually had that book and gave it to a good guy friend during a tumultuous breakup he went though. He wound up getting over her pretty quickly... He met a new girl, and 3 years later, they're now married with a baby on the way.

 

The week leading up to C and I breaking up I read the basic list from "he's just no that into you if:" and I realized all those "ifs" applied to our relationship, lol.

 

 

Amazon.com can be especially helpful for procuring relationship books...

 

D-Lish -- I also recommend playing "Walk Away," as often as needed. Originally performed by the James Gang, though I do enjoy a live version by Tesla. Link below.

 

 

Thanks! I have a goofy CD I made for myself around the time C and I met- and all the songs on that CD remind me of the happy time driving out to his place blasting the Jonas Brothers:lmao:! I chucked the CD in the trash last week.

[jerbear]

It is nice, I hope I get to that place sooner, rather than later. I'm still having trouble knowing it's over. I really loved him, and I just wanted to make him happy. I set up a dating profile again. Which is discouraging- 60 messages in the past 24 hours and no one I'd consider talking to.

You're moving forward with profile. It is ok to be blah with the 60 messages and no one you'll consider talking to. Many of us were there. Put a profile up and no one I would consider responding to or saying hi to.

 

I turned down a date with a tall hot blonde with brains! I don't know why I did it. Quite frankly I was not over the other girl. It was like no libido, no appetite. It is ok.

 

 

Thanks! I have a goofy CD I made for myself around the time C and I met- and all the songs on that CD remind me of the happy time driving out to his place blasting the Jonas Brothers:lmao:! I chucked the CD in the trash last week.

Jonas Brothers.... good thing chucked the CD.

[D-Lish]

You're moving forward with profile. It is ok to be blah with the 60 messages and no one you'll consider talking to. Many of us were there. Put a profile up and no one I would consider responding to or saying hi to.

 

I turned down a date with a tall hot blonde with brains! I don't know why I did it. Quite frankly I was not over the other girl. It was like no libido, no appetite. It is ok.

 

Jonas Brothers.... good thing chucked the CD.

 

I have some strange tastes in my music- Justin Bieber was on that CD too!

 

I don't know if online dating is the same as it was years ago. I used to find more people of substance. I find most men my age look like they are my dad's age. I go to great lengths to stay in shape and stay looking young and it's not easy finding the same. It's discouraging out there!

[jerbear]

I have some strange tastes in my music- Justin Bieber was on that CD too!

 

I don't know if online dating is the same as it was years ago. I used to find more people of substance. I find most men my age look like they are my dad's age. I go to great lengths to stay in shape and stay looking young and it's not easy finding the same. It's discouraging out there!

And I was like

Baby! baby! oh... sorry...

 

From my end, you're still a hottie. You're not alone regarding the slim pickings. I've pursued up to 43, ok she is 43 right now. The 30 and 40 somethings without kids and not looking like my mom are becoming scarce. BTW my mom looks young and could pass as my sister.

 

Stay the course, never know someone might peak your interests one day. Or number 61 might say hi.

[D-Lish]

And I was like

Baby! baby! oh... sorry...

 

From my end, you're still a hottie. You're not alone regarding the slim pickings. I've pursued up to 43, ok she is 43 right now. The 30 and 40 somethings without kids and not looking like my mom are becoming scarce. BTW my mom looks young and could pass as my sister.

 

Stay the course, never know someone might peak your interests one day. Or number 61 might say hi.

 

I guess I have slim hopes another guy might reach out and I'll want to respond to his message. But seriously, out of 60 messages, I thought one person might at least stand out.

 

I have dinner with my highschool gf's once a month- and I stare at them across the table and think to myself- "seriously, you girls have embraced looking like old women!!"

 

I joined a Meet up group- but the last outing I went to a couple of months ago was strange. The admin organized a meet up combined with an Asian meet up group- which is fine- but they were fresh off the boat Asians that showed up, and I was the only white english speaking person besides the organizer that showed up:lmao:

[johan]

It is nice, I hope I get to that place sooner, rather than later. I'm still having trouble knowing it's over. I really loved him, and I just wanted to make him happy. I set up a dating profile again. Which is discouraging- 60 messages in the past 24 hours and no one I'd consider talking to.

 

You should expect one every couple of months. Be patient...

 

Grasshopper.

[jerbear]

I guess I have slim hopes another guy might reach out and I'll want to respond to his message. But seriously, out of 60 messages, I thought one person might at least stand out.

 

I have dinner with my highschool gf's once a month- and I stare at them across the table and think to myself- "seriously, you girls have embraced looking like old women!!"

 

I joined a Meet up group- but the last outing I went to a couple of months ago was strange. The admin organized a meet up combined with an Asian meet up group- which is fine- but they were fresh off the boat Asians that showed up, and I was the only white english speaking person besides the organizer that showed up:lmao:

Not slim hopes, it s only 24 hours! You have not shown up on other peoples radar yet. There are guys out there that are "interesting" and they contact new people in the hopes the girl is happy to get attention. Us guys are predictable.

 

Hey, I would be fresh off the boat! I resent that! I would be fresh of the plane if I visited! :lmao: yes I said plane.

 

Interesting about the meetups I went to a few but got no FOB. The born and raised ones are different than the immigrants.

[Am4Real]

I have some strange tastes in my music- Justin Bieber was on that CD too!

 

I don't know if online dating is the same as it was years ago. I used to find more people of substance. I find most men my age look like they are my dad's age. I go to great lengths to stay in shape and stay looking young and it's not easy finding the same. It's discouraging out there!

 

 

Maybe it's a Canadian situational dilemma? Guys are drinking too many Molson's and easting Chicken Wings. LOL!

[D-Lish]

Not slim hopes, it s only 24 hours! You have not shown up on other peoples radar yet. There are guys out there that are "interesting" and they contact new people in the hopes the girl is happy to get attention. Us guys are predictable.

 

Hey, I would be fresh off the boat! I resent that! I would be fresh of the plane if I visited! :lmao: yes I said plane.

 

Interesting about the meetups I went to a few but got no FOB. The born and raised ones are different than the immigrants.

 

Lol, no offense meant Jer:p But it was awkward to be one of the only ones speaking english- I was just kind of sitting there nodding and smiling:lmao: No one from my side of the meet up came except the organizer.

 

I know to be patient- but it was disheartening to open up my mailbox and go WOW- 60 messages, there has to be someone good in there!! But no- I deleted all of them, I didn't respond to one...

 

Maybe I'm not ready. I know with my ex, I was shocked that I was interested in his profile, because it had been so long.

[Wicked_City]

Not often Art- I try to get us all together, but they are dealing with marriages and children and that kind of stuff. That's what it's like in your late 30's, early 40's- when you're single, you kinda get left out when all your friends are dealing with marriages and kids.

 

It's funny, guess who the first person they call is when one of them wants a night out? I remember when I first met my ex, my gf called me in tears saying her husband just left her. I was actually on a date with my now ex, in the dog park- and I told him I had a friend in trouble and had to go be with her. They reconciled almost immediately, and when I asked her to meet me after my break up, something's always come up for her.

 

I don't have any single gf's- I have a room mate that I consider a close friend- but he's a guy, and he's seeing someone that glares at me like she wants to punch me when she sees me, so our relationship has been comprimised too.

 

I don't know how you find single friends when you are single and 41. I feel like the world has passed me by.

 

Hi D - I've been following your thread and hope you're getting stronger each day. I'm also around your age (turning 41 this year) and most of my gfs are either married or in LTR. It is indeed hard to meet single women around our age. I'm especially in a tough situation since I don't want kids and meeting women having the same mindset is still a rarity here, even in my city.

 

I'm going to try online dating again but from what you've just stated I'm not too encouraged. Let's stay positive, at least.

 

All the best!

[D-Lish]

Hi D - I've been following your thread and hope you're getting stronger each day. I'm also around your age (turning 41 this year) and most of my gfs are either married or in LTR. It is indeed hard to meet single women around our age. I'm especially in a tough situation since I don't want kids and meeting women having the same mindset is still a rarity here, even in my city.

 

I'm going to try online dating again but from what you've just stated I'm not too encouraged. Let's stay positive, at least.

 

All the best!

 

Yes, I'm the same- no kids, single, 41. It's hard.

My gf's are solid gf's, some of which I've known since highschool- but it's not realistic for them to leave their families to come out for a night with me. We all try and get together once a month, but I still miss having companionship.

[jerbear]

Lol, no offense meant Jer:p But it was awkward to be one of the only ones speaking english- I was just kind of sitting there nodding and smiling:lmao: No one from my side of the meet up came except the organizer.

 

I know to be patient- but it was disheartening to open up my mailbox and go WOW- 60 messages, there has to be someone good in there!! But no- I deleted all of them, I didn't respond to one...

 

Maybe I'm not ready. I know with my ex, I was shocked that I was interested in his profile, because it had been so long.

 

No offense taken.

 

Have you reached out to any guys online that you peak your interest? I hate to suggest this but maybe go casually and multidate. I know it is not easy when you want a loving husband and family. It will happen and there are guys out there that are looking for the same. I think the right guys have not found you or bumped into you yet.

 

We're never ready, it just happens.

 

I say chin up, brush the dust off of and lead away.

[D-Lish]

No offense taken.

 

Have you reached out to any guys online that you peak your interest? I hate to suggest this but maybe go casually and multidate. I know it is not easy when you want a loving husband and family. It will happen and there are guys out there that are looking for the same. I think the right guys have not found you or bumped into you yet.

 

We're never ready, it just happens.

 

I say chin up, brush the dust off of and lead away.

 

I've never sent a message first to anyone- I've never believed in doing that:o

 

I've changed my mail settings so that only men between the ages of 35-45 can message me. That really cut back on my messages today compared to yesterday, lol. But I think that's realistic given my own age and what I am looking for.

 

I thought "meet up" would be good because it's males and females- people just looking to connect in a new city- so it opens up the avenue for friendship or romance. But I've been to two gatherings and I wasn't overly impressed.

[jerbear]

I've never sent a message first to anyone- I've never believed in doing that:o

 

I've changed my mail settings so that only men between the ages of 35-45 can message me. That really cut back on my messages today compared to yesterday, lol. But I think that's realistic given my own age and what I am looking for.

 

I thought "meet up" would be good because it's males and females- people just looking to connect in a new city- so it opens up the avenue for friendship or romance. But I've been to two gatherings and I wasn't overly impressed.

 

Not messaging them first... you might miss some guys. I had girls send me a hi and ask if their profile peaks my interests. I respond regardless.

 

I liked that you have realistic expectations. I also think you'll be fine especially with th Spring and Summer seasons. :bunny:

 

Meetups are interesting, in my experiences the activity ones are better than dating ones. Who wants to go drink & "speed date" when you can drink & chat after zorbing?

[ganbare]

I've never sent a message first to anyone- I've never believed in doing that

 

Someone is acting old fashioned!

[D-Lish]

Someone is acting old fashioned!

 

I guess

I don't like to do any chasing when it comes to men.

[ganbare]

Why don't you like to do a little bit of chasing? You might be missing your dream guy this way!

 

Some people say that everything should be 50/50 but I go for 100/100. Each person has to put 100% effort into the relationship to make it work..anything less is just half-ass.

 

So if you had to do all the chasing that would be BS.

 

Another way to look at the situation is this. The year is 2011 and not 1950. Why keep old school attitudes and traditions in the face of changing times and technology?

 

Also another tough question and I hope you don't kick my ass for saying it D-Lish. But what you have been doing so far has it been working for you? If so...thats great! But if not...time for a period of reflection, contemplation, healing, and then trying something new!

 

Just some ideas kicking in my noggin! Hope everything is going well for you.

Edited May 8, 2011 by ganbare

[D-Lish]

Why don't you like to do a little bit of chasing? You might be missing your dream guy this way!

 

Some people say that everything should be 50/50 but I go for 100/100. Each person has to put 100% effort into the relationship to make it work..anything less is just half-ass.

 

So if you had to do all the chasing that would be BS.

 

Another way to look at the situation is this. The year is 2011 and not 1950. Why keep old school attitudes and traditions in the face of changing times and technology?

 

Also another tough question and I hope you don't kick my ass for saying it D-Lish. But what you have been doing so far has it been working for you? If so...thats great! But if not...time for a period of reflection, contemplation, healing, and then trying something new!

 

Just some ideas kicking in my noggin! Hope everything is going well for you.

 

No, nothing I have been doing has worked for me.:eek:

 

It may be old fashioned, I agree. I just think there is something about being pursued that I prefer over doing the chasing. As I said- with online dating, I've never sent anyone a message first. I also don't spend time searching through profiles. Usually I just rely on the fact that if I've clicked on their profile, they'll see I've viewed them and they can decide if they want to message me.

 

I guess it's also about rejection- I don't want to send a message to someone only to have them not return it:o