The dreaded break up talk :-(

[ganbare]

:eek:

 

hahah...I have to say these sequence of emoticons really made me laugh. It was almost like watching a play! haha

 

Yeah, I understand the desire to be pursued and everyone hates rejection. But getting turned down by people you hardly know yet shouldn't be too too hard. Think of all those 60 guys in one night who got "rejected" by you!

 

I think dating is all really about a discovery process and getting turned down during this phase shouldn't be too hard as long as one is emotionally balanced. It gets rough when you get dumped or rejected later in the relationship. (I got dumped.) Then it hurts like hell!

Edited May 8, 2011 by ganbare

[D-Lish]

hahah...I have to say these sequence of emoticons really made me laugh. It was almost like watching a play! haha

 

Yeah, I understand the desire to be pursued and everyone hates rejection. But getting turned down by people you hardly know yet shouldn't be too too hard. Think of all those 60 guys in one night who got "rejected" by you!

 

I think dating is all really about a discovery process and getting turned down during this phase shouldn't be too hard as long as one is emotionally balanced. It gets rough when you get dumped or rejected later in the relationship. (I got dumped.) Then it hurts like hell!

 

I think if I saw someone that really sparked my interest, I could possibly say hello. I'll give it a try.

 

The getting dumped part is horrible. I felt like I was getting better for a while- maybe making a little progress, but I'm just as sad and panicked as I was 3 weeks ago.

 

I went for dinner with my family and my adorable little nephew said at the dinner table "D-Lish, where's C?? " I had to leave the kitchen and have a massive cry in the bathroom. I felt so bad because he is 4, and didn't know why I was crying and he was standing outside the bathroom while I was sobbing telling me to stop crying because he loved me, lol. Of course that made me cry more.

 

It's strange explaining a break up to a 4 year old.

 

I was dreading this family dinner, because it's the first since we broke up. I've always hated being the single one at all the family functions. Christmas was so enjoyable for me this past year because I had someone in my life. I haven't enjoyed Christmas since my divorce, and this past one was just amazing for me.

 

I just don't think I am ever going to find someone :-(

[Kamille]

((D))

 

That is one sweet nephew you have.

 

I wish there was something comforting I could say. All I can come up with is that now, the first family dinner as a single woman is done. The others will get easier.

 

I wish I was a fairy godmother who could make a great guy happen out of thin air just for you. He's be cute, smart, funny and would be dying to care, love and protect you. He would have the kind of inner serenity where he would notice you have walls up and be able to draw you out anyway. He'd be one lucky dude! You, after all, are the prize!

[Livin Lrge]

D-Lish,

You seem like a very good person that's always willing to help people around you.

You must bring out that confidence that lies behind those tall walls you have put up.

Destroying those walls lies within the mind, you control your mind so you need to be the one to let go of the pain and insecurities behind your walls.

If these walls don't come down your going to live a very sheltered existence's .

There is nothing wrong with this life style but after reading your posts it seems to me you have a lot of life behind those walls and your having trouble busting through.

Work on your mind, its the power of positive thinking.

 

regards

Livin Lrge

[D-Lish]

((D))

 

That is one sweet nephew you have.

 

I wish there was something comforting I could say. All I can come up with is that now, the first family dinner as a single woman is done. The others will get easier.

 

I wish I was a fairy godmother who could make a great guy happen out of thin air just for you. He's be cute, smart, funny and would be dying to care, love and protect you. He would have the kind of inner serenity where he would notice you have walls up and be able to draw you out anyway. He'd be one lucky dude! You, after all, are the prize!

 

Thanks Kam, the prize argument always has a lot of merit.

 

I can be a prize, once you cut through the red tape. I have some red tape to cut through first though. Someday, I could meet someone willing to wade into it- but I don't know.

 

D-Lish,

You seem like a very good person that's always willing to help people around you.

You must bring out that confidence that lies behind those tall walls you have put up.

Destroying those walls lies within the mind, you control your mind so you need to be the one to let go of the pain and insecurities behind your walls.

If these walls don't come down your going to live a very sheltered existence's .

There is nothing wrong with this life style but after reading your posts it seems to me you have a lot of life behind those walls and your having trouble busting through.

Work on your mind, its the power of positive thinking.

 

regards

Livin Lrge

 

Thanks, as much as I have walls- I have a wealth of love to give someone that is willing to work with me.

 

I already do live a sheltered existence.

[Art_Critic]

Hey D... Here's a Dove Dark... the story about your nephew made me well up...

 

On second thought.. I need one too...

 

Things get better.. and you will find someone.. trust me on that one..

A woman as great as you has so much to give..

[D-Lish]

Hey D... Here's a Dove Dark... the story about your nephew made me well up...

 

On second thought.. I need one too...

 

Things get better.. and you will find someone.. trust me on that one..

A woman as great as you has so much to give..

 

Thanks Art. I just love my nephews. I felt so bad crying and having to leave the table in front of him- because HE was panicked, he thought he'd done something wrong to make me cry.

 

I just regret ever having met him, investing in people sucks. It's been almost a month- and I'm a crying mess. I'm right back to where I was. It's so painful to be rejected.

[jerbear]

Hey Delicious,

 

Your nephew is just sweet and cute as a button. They way you handled it, I think you'll be a great partner, wife, and mom oneday. You are a prize and quite frankly many guys don't know.

 

You've went through many things in the last few years, so it is easy to try and try to seek a payoff. You have a lot of life experiences that many guys seek to get.

 

Regarding the online dating and fear of rejection from guys that you message. Well that is unfortunately hard.

 

Anyway, chin up babe, don't make me ...well you know....

[ganbare]

Be easy on yourself D-Lish. Three weeks is hardly anything after a breakup..in fact if you didn't feel anything I would think you were an axe murderer or a zombie!

 

I believe if you do harness the power of your mind and let your confidence come through you will attract the right person. Your nephew sounds really sweet...I would have cried too.

 

As for showing up single at family functions I hate that too. I thought I was going to have my ex travel with me to my families cousin reunion but it never materialised. The thing is, our family loves us for who we are...not who our partners are or if we even have one.

 

And I forgot. You have made the first move before! In person too at the home depot with your father in tow nonetheless! That took guts!

[Gala]

D -

 

You may want to take some more time before you devote much energy to online dating at this point...at any rate, I am mostly with you on the "no pursuit" premise. I think that guys do want to chase, generally speaking. That said, I've flirted with guys on dating websites a few times, in almost every case someone who wasn't quite a fit for me, but whom I nevertheless found attractive. This can help with morale, I find... Happily, the guys are usually flattered.

 

You will get better. Mourning is not a linear process, and the various components (denial, anger, bargaining, etc.) can all happen whenever.

Edited May 9, 2011 by Gala
Adding more information

[D-Lish]

Hey Delicious,

 

Your nephew is just sweet and cute as a button. They way you handled it, I think you'll be a great partner, wife, and mom oneday. You are a prize and quite frankly many guys don't know.

 

You've went through many things in the last few years, so it is easy to try and try to seek a payoff. You have a lot of life experiences that many guys seek to get.

 

Regarding the online dating and fear of rejection from guys that you message. Well that is unfortunately hard.

 

Anyway, chin up babe, don't make me ...well you know....

 

Jerry-Berry- thanks:love:

I don't message people though- I never have. I put up a profile and wait. I agree with what you said- I am a nurturer, and that's my role.

 

Be easy on yourself D-Lish. Three weeks is hardly anything after a breakup..in fact if you didn't feel anything I would think you were an axe murderer or a zombie!

 

I believe if you do harness the power of your mind and let your confidence come through you will attract the right person. Your nephew sounds really sweet...I would have cried too.

 

As for showing up single at family functions I hate that too. I thought I was going to have my ex travel with me to my families cousin reunion but it never materialised. The thing is, our family loves us for who we are...not who our partners are or if we even have one.

 

And I forgot. You have made the first move before! In person too at the home depot with your father in tow nonetheless! That took guts!

 

It did take guts, lol. It was the one and only time I've done that since I was young. You kinda feel left out when everyone is a couple at family events, but what are you going to do?

 

What are girls like us in the process supposed to do?

 

D -

 

You may want to take some more time before you devote much energy to online dating at this point...at any rate, I am mostly with you on the "no pursuit" premise. I think that guys do want to chase, generally speaking. That said, I've flirted with guys on dating websites a few times, in almost every case someone who wasn't quite a fit for me, but whom I nevertheless found attractive. This can help with morale, I find... Happily, the guys are usually flattered.

 

You will get better. Mourning is not a linear process, and the various components (denial, anger, bargaining, etc.) can all happen whenever.

 

Hmmm, I have a date for tomorrow night G. lol.

 

I just have this drive to move forward, combating my need to cave- and I think caving is the wrong way to go.

 

I've never jumped back into dating after a heartbreak- I've always jumped into a cave. I'm trying to play things differently.

[whichwayisup]

How did the date go?

 

Replacing dove chocolate (sorry clown-boy:p) for Lindt chocolate..

[Art_Critic]

Replacing dove chocolate (sorry clown-boy:p) for Lindt chocolate..

 

Traitor...

[Gala]

D-Lish -

 

I definitely understand your impulse to go on a date at this juncture. I, too, am curious about how it went.

 

Dove Dark, BTW, sounds lovely.

[D-Lish]

How did the date go?

 

Replacing dove chocolate (sorry clown-boy:p) for Lindt chocolate..

 

I'm a Reese girl myself- and Art can put his peanut butter in my chocolate anytime:rolleyes:

 

The date was good- surprised me.

I'm honestly prone to diving into aloneness for years at a time after a rejection.

 

D-Lish -

 

I definitely understand your impulse to go on a date at this juncture. I, too, am curious about how it went.

 

Dove Dark, BTW, sounds lovely.

 

It really was a great date- I am sore from laughing- he's hands down the funniest person I've met in my life. Sometimes I believe people use humour to mask other issues- but he was able to go above it and show me some real honesty too.

 

It's crazy, it was a 5 hour date.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi DLish,

 

Just wanted to let you know about "Taming Your Outer Child."

 

I bought it and have only read the first chapter but think it is a self-help junkie's wet dream.

 

Thought I would let you know.

[Art_Critic]

I'm a Reese girl myself- and Art can put his peanut butter in my chocolate anytime:rolleyes:

 

The date was good- surprised me.

I'm honestly prone to diving into aloneness for years at a time after a rejection.

 

 

 

It really was a great date- I am sore from laughing- he's hands down the funniest person I've met in my life. Sometimes I believe people use humour to mask other issues- but he was able to go above it and show me some real honesty too.

 

It's crazy, it was a 5 hour date.

 

Great news.. good for you.. laughing is also a very honest expression in itself D-lish..

While some can use humor to mask things while maybe going thru something when you find a humorous guy that actually makes you laugh that is REAL and isn't a coverup..

 

and I love those resse cups commercials...

[Gala]

Glad it went well! And yes - five hours is a while...

[whichwayisup]

I'm a Reese girl myself- and Art can put his peanut butter in my chocolate anytime:rolleyes:

 

The date was good- surprised me.

I'm honestly prone to diving into aloneness for years at a time after a rejection.

 

 

 

It really was a great date- I am sore from laughing- he's hands down the funniest person I've met in my life. Sometimes I believe people use humour to mask other issues- but he was able to go above it and show me some real honesty too.

 

It's crazy, it was a 5 hour date.

 

Ohhh I love reese too..... Yeah the clown would love that...

 

Well, that date is probably exactly what you needed. it's great when someone can make you laugh like that!

[D-Lish]

Hi DLish,

 

Just wanted to let you know about "Taming Your Outer Child."

 

I bought it and have only read the first chapter but think it is a self-help junkie's wet dream.

 

Thought I would let you know.

 

I'll look it up! Thanks DOT:love:

 

Ohhh I love reese too..... Yeah the clown would love that...

 

Well, that date is probably exactly what you needed. it's great when someone can make you laugh like that!

 

It was great- I'm probably not going to go out with him again- but I am going to keep going on dates. Had he brought me a reese's peanut butter cup- I'd have gone home with him:lmao: (just kidding- just so people know I'm not a whore)

[whichwayisup]

I'll look it up! Thanks DOT:love:

 

 

 

It was great- I'm probably not going to go out with him again- but I am going to keep going on dates. Had he brought me a reese's peanut butter cup- I'd have gone home with him:lmao: (just kidding- just so people know I'm not a whore)

 

I just snorted from a loud laugh!

[D-Lish]

I just snorted from a loud laugh!

 

Just had to clarify:eek:

[0hpenelope]

D, have you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? Your feelings about being rejected really resonate with me and that's one of the things that I promised myself I will work on. I don't want to take rejections so personally anymore and a lot of the support our other LS users have shown in this thread reflect that message from Ruiz.

[D-Lish]

D, have you read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz? Your feelings about being rejected really resonate with me and that's one of the things that I promised myself I will work on. I don't want to take rejections so personally anymore and a lot of the support our other LS users have shown in this thread reflect that message from Ruiz.

 

No I haven't heard of it. Rejection is hard on me though, something I struggle with on a deeper level than "normal people" do. Being rejected can send me into hiding for years- and it has in the past.

[0hpenelope]

No I haven't heard of it. Rejection is hard on me though, something I struggle with on a deeper level than "normal people" do. Being rejected can send me into hiding for years- and it has in the past.

I have similar feelings as well. I struggle with rejection too. I'm really striving to work on that now. This is the agreement I responded to the most and it's the second of the four:

“Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”

How this applies to me: oftentimes I take responsibility for my actions to a fault, if that makes sense. "Since I was left behind, something must be so flawed in me that others can see it, but I cannot." I care and I love so much that while hurting over a rejection is normal, I intensify the pain because I actually believe I deserve to be left behind. It's that search for validation other than myself and that the external validations of others are primary to my own.

 

How messed up is that, huh?

 

With regards to how I'm integrating this in my life, I acknowledge that I'm responsible for my own thoughts and my responses to stimuli (whatever it is - another's anger, joke, poop, whatever) and I simply cannot be held accountable for another person's reactions. If I know I did my best in my relationship with a friend or a significant other and acknowledge the mistakes I made to the best of my ability, then I can't do anything about how the other reacts because the other's reaction is a reflection of their own thoughts, experiences, and emotions. Definitely independent factors from me. So if they reject me, it's more likely "about them" than it is "about me." All I can do is assess what I believe I did wrong based on what I've talked about with that person, how I felt when the other person did something that hurt my feelings and how I reacted as a result, so on and so forth.

 

The fourth agreement is "Always do your best," which ties with my reflections from above. The four agreements sound very simplistic in nature but with the clutter and the chatter in my head, I'm looking for (for now) simple steps with which I'll be able to use as my constant guidelines for self-improvement, growth and healing. I'm the one person that will never leave me, so I'd better get to it.

 

I just thought I'd share with you. I hope I don't attract aggressive dissenters in your very thoughtful thread. You've stripped your feelings bare here and you have my respect for sharing this much of yourself. I'm learning a lot from you and the others' $0.02, too.