The dreaded break up talk :-(

[dreamingoftigers]

Hopefully this isn't a sign of the "all Hell breaking loose on LS."

 

I would've thought that type of thing would get caught in a filter or something.

 

D-Lish, it must be super-late where you are! You better get some rest girl.

[JustJoe]

I love you too, D, you know that. I wish You could come to Texas. I would fix you up with any number of my cousins or assorted kin. They may be a right bunch of *******s, but they KNOW how to treat a Lady right. And, BTW , you are right in that you can't fix BF'S problems for him. Hell, he probably isn't even aware of them , himself. I just can't understand ****heads like that. If a woman had a miscarriage with my child, there is no way I would abandon her. I would simply love her hurt away, NO MATTER WHAT!

[D-Lish]

You know that you have to take care of yourself first right?

 

Yes, I know that. I want to get healed, and go back to helping others.

[dreamingoftigers]

I love you too, D, you know that. I wish You could come to Texas. I would fix you up with any number of my cousins or assorted kin. They may be a right bunch of *******s, but they KNOW how to treat a Lady right. And, BTW , you are right in that you can't fix BF'S problems for him. Hell, he probably isn't even aware of them , himself. I just can't understand ****heads like that. If a woman had a miscarriage with my child, there is no way I would abandon her. I would simply love her hurt away, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

JJ, if you have a lonely cousins sitting around ship em' up here. I have some great friends that know how to treat a nice guy.

[JustJoe]

JJ, if you have a lonely cousins sitting around ship em' up here. I have some great friends that know how to treat a nice guy.

DOT, if they ever left Texas, they would probably get arrested. We JustJoes aren't exactly "housebroken". We are intelligent, loving, brave, and loyal. We are not thrifty, compromising, even-tempered, or politically correct. Yoy pays your money, you takes your chances.

[D-Lish]

I love you too, D, you know that. I wish You could come to Texas. I would fix you up with any number of my cousins or assorted kin. They may be a right bunch of *******s, but they KNOW how to treat a Lady right. And, BTW , you are right in that you can't fix BF'S problems for him. Hell, he probably isn't even aware of them , himself. I just can't understand ****heads like that. If a woman had a miscarriage with my child, there is no way I would abandon her. I would simply love her hurt away, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

And that's the reality for me too Joe.

 

Most good dude's should have been able to understand what I was going through- instead, he bailed, That should tell me all I need to know.

 

I'm getting to that point where I see his indifference as a weakness, but it still hurts to be abandoned.

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT, if they ever left Texas, they would probably get arrested. We JustJoes aren't exactly "housebroken". We are intelligent, loving, brave, and loyal. We are not thrifty, compromising, even-tempered, or politically correct. Yoy pays your money, you takes your chances.

 

That honestly made me smile picturing the bunch of you.

[JustJoe]

In fact, in HS, our principal called us, "vicious brutes", but we always did the best academically, had several valedictorians, and about as many felonies.:D

[JustJoe]

And that's the reality for me too Joe.

 

Most good dude's should have been able to understand what I was going through- instead, he bailed, That should tell me all I need to know.

 

I'm getting to that point where I see his indifference as a weakness, but it still hurts to be abandoned.

I know it hurts, Angel. I wish I could do something to help. You don't need a " man", who won't man-up.

[jerbear]

He owns the place I currently live in, and we've known each other for about 4 years. He has a new gf that just hates the fact that he lives with me- so I am thinking about moving because she is evil and mean when she comes around.

Nah, put the toilet seat up when you are done. Better yet, install the auto seat lifter. Now that is evil.

[Kamille]

I had to laugh that the roommate's new gf is jealous of you, all while the guy has a woman in every port. Obviously, she knows something is up but doesn't know where to assign blame. Or rather, the only "cheating" she has any chance of being able to prove would be local cheating, so she's looking your way. Unless she's insanity on toast though, I wouldn't uproot because of her. Who cares what she thinks? Her suspicions are her issues, not yours. You don't have to move just to appease her. In other words, I get the impression you're a people-pleaser and that thinking of moving is your way to please and appease her.

 

 

 

I think he thought the mc was just going to end, and I was going to be okay right away and start looking after him again.

 

Striking thing to say. Was the relationship unbalanced in the "care" department? Was it mostly about you taking care of him and not vice versa? Why would he need so much taking care of?

 

 

If you find that you have the urge to contact him, set a timer on your phone for 22 minutes. Most human self-destructive urges pass in about 20 minutes.

 

 

Great tip DOT. I'm going to see if can help me curtail my insane snacking habit. (Not extremely self-destructive, but I gained weight lately and I want to bring it down).

[threebyfate]

I have difficulty laughing at this girl when the guy's a blatant serial cheater. Been in her position before and it's not a good feeling, to say the least.

 

But I wouldn't move without having a sit down with her to see if the two of you can't come to some kind of understanding about your lack of interest in this guy.

[D-Lish]

I had to laugh that the roommate's new gf is jealous of you, all while the guy has a woman in every port. Obviously, she knows something is up but doesn't know where to assign blame. Or rather, the only "cheating" she has any chance of being able to prove would be local cheating, so she's looking your way. Unless she's insanity on toast though, I wouldn't uproot because of her. Who cares what she thinks? Her suspicions are her issues, not yours. You don't have to move just to appease her. In other words, I get the impression you're a people-pleaser and that thinking of moving is your way to please and appease her.

 

Striking thing to say. Was the relationship unbalanced in the "care" department? Was it mostly about you taking care of him and not vice versa? Why would he need so much taking care of?

 

I think it's time for a move anyway Kam. I want to live by myself again, and I was thinking about it before she came along.

 

I think C was attracted to me initially because of my nurturing side- and I do tend to have that nurturing quality, I do like to take care of people. When the tables turned, and I got pregnant- he had to step into that role and I know he wasn't at all comfortable with it. Prior to that happening, I def nurtured him and his needs.

 

As I said before, I don't think he got a lot of love from his parents as a kid. I think that's why he was always telling me he didn't feel good- and it was literally something everyday that was wrong with him. I think that was his way of getting attention- perhaps getting some of his needs met. So I think he began to view me as a person that couldn't meet his needs while I was pregnant and in need of a lot of support- infact I think he actually resented my needs during that time.

[Kamille]

How good are you at letting people take care of you?

[D-Lish]

I have difficulty laughing at this girl when the guy's a blatant serial cheater. Been in her position before and it's not a good feeling, to say the least.

 

But I wouldn't move without having a sit down with her to see if the two of you can't come to some kind of understanding about your lack of interest in this guy.

 

I think she's suspicious for a reason- because her instincts are telling her she has reason to be! Unfortunately I just happen to be in her line of sight, so I take the heat for it.

[D-Lish]

How good are you at letting people take care of you?

 

Not very good- I want it and feel guilty about it at the same time! But during the pregnancy with C, I felt entitled to it- he just let me down.

[Kamille]

I think she's suspicious for a reason- because her instincts are telling her she has reason to be! Unfortunately I just happen to be in her line of sight, so I take the heat for it.

 

You're right TBF, I shouldn't find the situation ironic. But I do. I'm not laughing at the roommate's gf, more at the situation. At least she has the instincts to know something is up. What's ironic is that she's casting her suspicions on the one person who's respecting her relationship. Like I said: she's probably focusing on D because that's the one situation where she could possibly verify her suspicions.

 

Not very good- I want it and feel guilty about it at the same time! But during the pregnancy with C, I felt entitled to it- he just let me down.

 

What about your nurturing quality? You say you struggle with accepting that people might want to take care of you. Do you nurture as a way to hide yourself and your own needs? By nurturing, you participate in building a bond with someone, all while not revealing too much of yourself or your own needs.

[threebyfate]

I think she's suspicious for a reason- because her instincts are telling her she has reason to be! Unfortunately I just happen to be in her line of sight, so I take the heat for it.

Yes, I know the exact feeling of instincts telling her something's wrong.

 

Instead of moving out, why not sit her down and explain that your relationship with your roomie is one that's purely platonic. Of course there's a part of me that wants you to tell her the truth but as his friend and roommate, your loyalty will reside with him.

[threebyfate]

You're right TBF, I shouldn't find the situation ironic. But I do. I'm not laughing at the roommate's gf, more at the situation. At least she has the instincts to know something is up. What's ironic is that she's casting her suspicions on the one person who's respecting her relationship. Like I said: she's probably focusing on D because that's the one situation where she could possibly verify her suspicions.

No doubt this is a sensitivity of mine, since my happy little world got ripped apart by the ex-husband. Never knew I could hurt so much or that something like this could damage my trust in men for years to follow. And strangely enough, the first guy I latched onto post divorce just happened to be of similar bent. While not a serial cheater, the validation needs were similar. I think my psyche was trying to repair something by replaying the scenario but this time, having it work out right.

[D-Lish]

What about your nurturing quality? You say you struggle with accepting that people might want to take care of you. Do you nurture as a way to hide yourself and your own needs? By nurturing, you participate in building a bond with someone, all while not revealing too much of yourself or your own needs.

 

It's possible, I never thought about it that way. I get enjoyment out of taking care of people- but that's as far as I've ever processed it.

 

Looking back, I've never date a guy that wanted to take care of me. When I started dating C, I mistook his physical presence for meeting my needs- but he never had any true desire to meet my needs. He stuck around because he didn't want to look like the bad guy for leaving a pregnant woman, but it was pretty clear that as soon as the mc happened, he had one foot out the door.

 

Yes, I know the exact feeling of instincts telling her something's wrong.

 

Instead of moving out, why not sit her down and explain that your relationship with your roomie is one that's purely platonic. Of course there's a part of me that wants you to tell her the truth but as his friend and roommate, your loyalty will reside with him.

 

I would talk to her T, but she ignores me, and she leaves the room and goes to his room everytime I come home. She's not there very much because he travels so much. I really do want to find a new place anyway. At 41, I don't love having a roomie- I want to have something that's all mine again!

[D-Lish]

No doubt this is a sensitivity of mine, since my happy little world got ripped apart by the ex-husband. Never knew I could hurt so much or that something like this could damage my trust in men for years to follow. And strangely enough, the first guy I latched onto post divorce just happened to be of similar bent. While not a serial cheater, the validation needs were similar. I think my psyche was trying to repair something by replaying the scenario but this time, having it work out right.

 

I am def sensitive to her plight- as I have been in her position and it damaged me. But I couldn't damage my friendship with him by betraying him- and he has been a really good friend to me. My roomie cycles through women (and girls) pretty often- and sadly, I think he'll end this one soon as well.

[D-Lish]

I still haven't replied to his text from last night, and I'm struggling whether or not I should say something back or not?

 

I seriously can't handle thinking he's going to contact me every once and a while to see how I am doing- I'd rather he leave me alone for good, because I need the nc to heal.

 

So I am conflicted whether or not to ignore, or ask him politely to let me be.

[jerbear]

Have a friend delete the text. Also have said friend change the name associated with the number to do not answer, plus change the ring tone to nothing.

 

Treat him as an unwanted marketer that you can't get rid of.

[D-Lish]

Have a friend delete the text. Also have said friend change the name associated with the number to do not answer, plus change the ring tone to nothing.

 

Treat him as an unwanted marketer that you can't get rid of.

 

I deleted him from everywhere, and I have faith I can do the nc on my end. But the text just gave me so much anxiety- I barely slept.

 

It makes me feel so crappy that he feels sorry for me. During the break up talk he just kept saying "I feel so bad"- then he said it again in a text afterward, then an e-mail- and then this text. I almost want to say "F-off! Stop feeling sorry for me, I'm fine!"

 

I don't understand why someone has to keep saying they feel bad for them. Honestly it's making me feel more bad about myself hearing that!

[whichwayisup]

I still haven't replied to his text from last night, and I'm struggling whether or not I should say something back or not?

 

I seriously can't handle thinking he's going to contact me every once and a while to see how I am doing- I'd rather he leave me alone for good, because I need the nc to heal.

 

So I am conflicted whether or not to ignore, or ask him politely to let me be.

 

I know some will disagree.. Tell him exactly what you said above.

 

Because there is no point of him trying to see if you're okay, since you two are not getting back together. He is doing this to make himself feel better, relieve guilt..Though I'm sure he misses you, and does care, he's going about this the wrong way by disrespecting NC.

 

If you need to send him a text or email to make him stop and understand, do it.