Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Oh, and I also sent a FB msg to this bf's wife who he filed for divorce on: Your husband has been committing adultery with my wife (separated) since at least last July. I have video evidence gathered by a Private Investigator. I also have proof that she and my son were living with him until recently. I thought you should know. I'm happy to help in your divorce case in any way I can, just let me know. And guess what? Not only did she NOT respond, she blocked ME on Facebook!?!
worldgonewrong Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Well, while I can't make heads or tails out of OM's wife not responding & blocking you on FB (maybe she's freaked out because she did not know?), but I can say you are ROCKING things in terms of taking control and showing your wife what's what now. Damn good work, man. It's time she woke up from her adulterous stupor.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 yea well, she's not gonna come out of her adulterous stupor, I'm sure she'll press on with this loser. bottom line is she thinks she can take advantage of me because she knows I have a soft spot for her. I don't want to be an a-hole but she leaves me no choice. I have to protect my relationship with my son and his well being and MYSELF. If I have to get a restraining order to keep my son from staying at the OM's house I absolutely will do it. also, she hit me on gmail chat (?!?) for the first time in since like last June.. said reminder I'm dropping off our son at 5:30pm on thursdays from now on, I have to be at my job at 6pm. I responded with sorry, I'll be there at 6pm as per the court. She was like "ok, fine." She also tried to get me to take 5hrs off of work on monday because our son was sick.. well, sorry honey its your day, why is your job more important than mine? A job I might add you can't even support yourself on? F her. oh and wgw, thanks for the support as always!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Whoa that's crazy what you do when you get moving along! So weird about the wife though....
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 maybe she already knows? maybe she doesn't care? maybe she's in denial? maybe he has access to her FB acct and intercepted the message? who knows.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) this is the text conversation yesterday that led to my i dont give a f*ck attitude anymore. kinda long, enjoy. her: i think maybe i should speak to your therapist, or maybe i should go in with you for a session. let me know what she thinks. im really concerned for your wellbeing does she know you tell me this stuff? her: well you told me last night that you shouldnt have been telling me the things you did me: no im supposed to act like i dont care about you and this whole thing isnt bothering me. by all accounts thats the act. i cant act fake, its not me her: well, im just not ok with a lot of this, im feeling uneasy me: I dont want your pity A, i want you to see that im an intelligent, caring, and loving person. at my core thats what i am. its hurts me that you refuse to see that. you should know better than anyone her: but that doesnt mean we're getting back together..... me: not sure where that came from im not assuming anything. you're with some guy you dont even know her: i dont know what to say to you... you dont even seem to make sense when you talk note: ?!?!?!?! me: how do i not make sense? i think what im saying makes perfect sense. her: i just can't understand what you're trying to accomplish me: my feelings don't exist to accomplish something. what are you trying to accomplish? i don't understand that mentality. her: nothing K. i dont know if im reading them wrong or not. you say you want your family back. and you'll have D, you'll always be his father and no one will replace that. me: uh huh. i know that. her: ok.. so what happens from here? me: what do want to happen? you gave me ultimatums, i'll give u one her: i want us to live peacefully, thats all i've ever wanted me: me too. i hate drama. all i want is to be happy and there is no way i can be happy the way things are now her: well what can be done to change them? me: you tell me her: i think you have the power to change your feelings, not me me: all ive done the last 9mos is improve myself and become a better person and father her: and thats great me: i obv have the power, but sorry, some scumbag tucking my son in at night is a problem for me and that you would put me thru all this is a problem, that you care that little. and im sickened that anyone on your side condones this, says a lot about their character her: no one is tucking in your son in but me. i promise you that we don't need to bring anyone in my family into this. it doesnt concern any of them me: A you can rationalize your actions all day and night. what you are doing is WRONG and you're smart, you know. so please don't insult my intelligence her: well leave my family out of it me: well sorry it does. and then your mom acts like gee i wonder why D is confused. its insulting to me, my family and everyone who loves our son. sorry but thats the plain truth her: D has been confused since the day I left. thats what kids go thru when parents get divorced me: hah. doesnt help when mom is shacking up with some dude during separation her: yes D is hurting. He is going back and forth between parents. he's been doing it since may 13 of last year. i care about my sons feelings. me: you're fooling yourself her: this is what happens when childrens parents get divorced. its hard on him, i know it is. but the reality is that its going to happen. and im going to help him me: you're delusional. and please stop acting like you care about my wellbeing, and seriously, if i knew divorce was such an easy option for you, i promise i would have NEVER wanted to have a child with you. you fooled me and my family. never met someone so selfish in my entire life her: ok we can stop texting now me: fine me: i will expose what you are doing and i will get custody of D too you've put him in a horrible situation her: K stop it!!! D is with me and my parents. that is the truth! now please, you that would mess him up entirely. you just so angry you don't care me: i don't care?? me: im the one who cares it seems her: NO!!!! and what a convenience if you did. you could have cared less about him the first 3yrs of his life (this is NONSENSE btw) me: um, you're insane. you monopolized him 100% i love that boy more than anything, ask anyone. since the day he was born all u cared about was him! not his father at all. i love him and he loves me, you know it. and how is me having custody bad? im every bit as good a parent as you. and i can support he and i unlike you. and thats what i want. her: my son is my world and how dare you think otherwise (?!?!?) its wonderful to see that despite what you say you havent changed, you're still cruel. me: uhm, im cruel because i want the best for my son? sorry about that exposing him to this loser you're with and committing adultery? yea thats real healthy please her: im done with this. i'm done. leave me alone!! me: we'll settle it in court better give (her attorney) a heads up about your adulterous activity. and i will confront that douche, rest assured her: don't threaten anyone K!! me: im not threatening anything. i have some things to say to him her: because that sounds like one me: take it however. i can talk to him if i want he's around my son, hell he's around him more than me! you two deserve each other. have a nice day end of transmission Edited April 7, 2011 by marqueemoon4
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 and yes, I realize some of the things I say are immature in that convo.. nobody is perfect and really I show a lot of restraint considering how I really feel.
worldgonewrong Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 One thing to observe here and fix: She's making you react. She says, "You're cruel" - and then you spiral off and defend yourself. Also, you don't do any favors by saying "you're delusional" because it just fuels her delusion. Maintain the upper hand by not issuing proclamations like that and also by not reacting to her portrayal of you. Yeah, easier said than done, I know.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 One thing to observe here and fix: She's making you react. She says, "You're cruel" - and then you spiral off and defend yourself. Also, you don't do any favors by saying "you're delusional" because it just fuels her delusion. Maintain the upper hand by not issuing proclamations like that and also by not reacting to her portrayal of you. Yeah, easier said than done, I know. yea. i'm super reactionary and defensive if I feel I'm being slighted or treated unfairly. its an unfortunate part of me. and again, when I really, really get hurt something inside me makes me want to go on the attack instead of just being calm. these are things I need to continue to work on.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) well now I feel guilty about the tough guy act... and sending that email to the OM ex. its almost like everything I want so badly I won't get -- ie my family back, so instead of accepting it and moving on I get reactionary and upset and try to make her see all the pain I'm feeling. i don't know if what she said on tuesday about being so concerned about me was sincere, but since then and the last txt convo I posted, things have gotten worse. when I picked him up last night I was upset and hurt, and was trying to be a hard ass. she handed me his karate outfit and I said I'm sorry, I'm not taking him, you can do that on your time. that upset her obviously. I then said you have until sunday to pick up the rest of things (a mattress and a big container full of her stuff that has been sitting for almost 6mos). I said hey why don't you have your boyfriend come pick it up. she handed me his inhalers, and then for some reason when I reached out she pulled her hand back, I then grabbed them out of her hand quickly (pretty sure I got them cleanly and didn't make contact with her hand). she said "don't you ever touch me like that again!" I was like whatever (insert not nice word). she then went to get our son out of her car, he was asleep and when he woke up he started crying. she walked over with him crying, i put my hands out to take him from her, she looked at me and she was said I'm not going to give him to you if you're gonna act like this. I said its like this because of what you're doing, i'm not the one who has put our son in a horrible situation. she was obviously pretty mad at this point, and got in her car and left. i said have a great night at work! My son and I left and he started saying "i want to stay with mommy, not you!" This is the first time he's ever said this, I asked him who told him to say this, he said mommy told me to say it. Nice. He calmed down pretty quickly and we went home. We were having fun as we always do, watched some Star Wars as he's a huge fan, and I made him dinner. Around 8:30pm my dog started barking... there was a knock at the door. Looked thru the peephole and it was a LC police officer standing there. Opened the door and he said your wife called and wanted us to come over and make sure your son was ok. I was obviously polite and invited the officer to come in. My son was playing with his toys and I was about to get him ready for bed. He was very happy and clearly their were no problems. The officer was really nice, said they get calls about stuff like this all the time and just have to check them out. I said thanks for coming by, and we talked for a few minutes. He left and I put my son to bed. Thought that was a pretty desperate move by her, as there has never been any evidence at all that I don't take excellent care of our son. Also I've never withheld information regarding our sons wellbeing from her, nor has she. My vengeful side wished I had sent an officer over to the OMs house a couple weeks ago when she and my son were staying over there, but now the cat is out of the bag and they are back at her parents house. Right now I'm pretty much failing at life, and everytime I think I'm moving forward and healing something triggers all the negative emotions of this lousy situation. At the end of the day, all of this is because my wife doesn't care for me, whether that is justified or not is debatable, and I cant deal with how EITHER of us has handled it and that shes with an OM. I feel pretty helpless to make things better right now, though my relationship with son is great and I'm doing much better at work. I'm prepared for the criticism thats going to come my way, I deserve it I'm sure. Why can't I be more mature in this situation, I should be so much better than this. I'm older, educated, established and usually have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Right now I'm ashamed of myself. Edited April 8, 2011 by marqueemoon4
worldgonewrong Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Don't be ashamed of yourself. Dust yourself and keep marching ahead. You've been doing GREAT. She's trying to push your buttons; don't let her. Do the "count to 10" thing in your head. Important: Recognize that she is GOING TO DO SH*TTY STUFF BECAUSE IT'S IN HER CHARACTER. Once you realize that she is going to DO things that are consistent with who she is, then it won't surprise you. And it won't anger you as much, because you'll stop hoping for justice and all the good things she SHOULD give you, but WON'T. It would be *out of character* for her to do the right thing, at this point, remember that.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) thanks. unfortunately, that whole thing last night was all me. she does know that completely ignoring me makes me really upset and she excels at that. unfortunately ignoring her does nothing. her calling the police was bush league, but it was in response to what happened at the pickup. the good news is i do take good care of our son, and that was noted by the officer. i don't know who is instructing her on what to do, but they usually go big and show no mercy. I'm not sure if this is now completely past the point of civility, I'm stuck because I really can't imagine being "friends" with her.. friends dont act the way she is. I want my son to be healthy and happy, and right now BOTH of us are doing things that are counterproductive to that. I have to remember I can only control myself. This whole thing has really brought out the worst in me, i need to get a handle on it. I was never the jealous or possessive type, but I'm angry and upset about the OM. Edited April 8, 2011 by marqueemoon4
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 its funny, one of the reasons I got married was because I had hoped to never go through this type of thing again. i was pretty naive.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I know the whole "they ignore you And it drives you nuts but when you ignore them they are happy thing."
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I know the whole "they ignore you And it drives you nuts but when you ignore them they are happy thing." makes you feel pretty helpless, huh?
NXS Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 MM4, I've read a lot of the posts here and want to congratulate you on the progress you are making. I empathise with you having to deal with all this stuff with a cold, ruthless woman. However I have to say that the last few posts have convinced me that you have your eye off the ball. She is in full on battle to retain custody/child support etc while you're still stuck in repairing the relationship. I honestly hope I'm completely wrong on this. You've given away all your hands and tipped her off as to what your strategy is. You are being outplayed. She may be getting a lot of advice on this. My son and I left and he started saying "i want to stay with mommy, not you!" This is the first time he's ever said this, I asked him who told him to say this, he said mommy told me to say it. This is parental alienation, you should look it up, a lot of women use this to win over their children. She also called the cops to try and get something on you, you should now contact the cop who called out and get a report from him. My advice is don't make any threats about taking the child to her again, don't tell her what strategy you will use in any divorce hearings and start a diary of when you have the child and anything out of the ordinary that occurs. If there are any fathers/mens rights groups in your area then start looking them up and getting help.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 its funny, one of the reasons I got married was because I had hoped to never go through this type of thing again. i was pretty naive. I think there is a support group for people like us. Oh, right, it is called Loveshack. makes you feel pretty helpless, huh? Totally but I did find that whenever I cut the cord I feel more powerful. may be i am wrongf,but i hope you can give me a opportunity !!especially the board administator!! if i do not get this message successfully i will be fired!!i need money to keep my mother!!!! 3x!!!!!3x!!!!maternity gowns for wedding See, at least you can get a maternity wedding gown.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 DoT.. I'm glad you're cutting the cord, probably what needs to be done right now. NXS.. thanks for your feedback, and yes I am getting outplayed right now. I know the "relationship" isn't saveable and there is no way in hell I should even want to save it. I think I feel bad for my son, and was raised to believe divorce is a really horrible thing, and it is. I would've done anything to keep my family together and avoid this nightmare, but the ex doesn't care. I want to be my sons custodial parent, so that should be my main focus going forward.
NXS Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 DoT.. I'm glad you're cutting the cord, probably what needs to be done right now. NXS.. thanks for your feedback, and yes I am getting outplayed right now. I know the "relationship" isn't saveable and there is no way in hell I should even want to save it. I think I feel bad for my son, and was raised to believe divorce is a really horrible thing, and it is. I would've done anything to keep my family together and avoid this nightmare, but the ex doesn't care. I want to be my sons custodial parent, so that should be my main focus going forward. MM4, I think you may be a bit naive when it comes to divorce/family court. I'm don't know where you live but right across the Anglosphere there's a complete bias against men when it comes to child custody. That's why I suggested you try and contact a men's rights group who'll have experience of how it generally plays out where you live. Your argument that your child is living with a soon to be divorced man, and therefore you should have custody, looks fairly flimsy to me and I'm not sure how that would be interpreted. I have to be frank with you, you've threatened her with taking custody of the child and she may go to a full on attack against you. This can get very ugly very quickly and there's a whole industry out there - courts/legal profession/counsellors/child protection agencies/feminist agencies that she can use against you and make your life a living hell. As bad as it may seem right now you haven't seen how bad it can get. That's why you need to thread very carefully and don't make any further statements to her about child custody. At this point I'd recommend you be very civil and friendly towards her and make no further mention about divorce/custody. You need to try and distract her from what you're attempting to do.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 In fact, lie and say that you aren't trying to get after that. Tell her that having the cop come has made you realize how serious she is and that you are going to back down. Then prep for court and hit hard. I rarely recommend things like this, but you may very well lose all custody otherwise.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) I'm very concerned now... she is starting to accuse me of things I haven't done to keep my son from me. I don't know if she really believes these things or she is just trying to get me to react negatively, but we're hitting a new low here. txt convo: to setup on tuesday of last week she asked if i wanted to watch him on sunday after we had sitdown and i let her know that I knew exactly what was going on, and she cried and acted remorseful. after that there was the txt argument on wed, me sending the msg to the OM ex on FB later that day, an altercation on thurs handoff, her sending the police to my place thurs night to find nothing, her having the police at the dropoff friday night, me giving him his inhaler and things to her at karate on sat morning and i was kind of a smart ass. now you're up to date. last night: me: so you offered to let me take care of D tomorrow. are you going to honor that? let me know. her: i don't think so. like you said, lets stick to the court orders. (this is the third time she offered this and then took it away because I did something she didn't like) me: is it in Ds best interest? thats what really matters. her: it is. thank you. me: ok, its not but if you want to be that way thats your call me: how about this, we both stop trying to punish each other and do the right thing for him? me: look, i apologize for being a smart ass. i would like to see my son. if it would help we can meet (at non court ordered location more convenient to her) on thursdays at 5:30 (she had requested this because she says she has to be at work at 6pm now, and i had said sorry i'll be there at 6pm as per the court) her: ok, thank you me: im glad we can compromise. i want things to be more positive for everyone. too much pain. her: Agreed me: i hope one day we can respect each other again, this situation brings out the worst in people her: Me too me: if we do this right, both of us, we can. and it will make D happy. and we both want that her: i know me: im going to do my best. i'll leave it at that. good night today 8:12am me: what time should i meet you her: When? me: today... didn't we agree that you'd let me watch him today? her: I told you last night, no. me: wait a sec... I thought I said I'd meet u from now on at 5:30 at xxxxx if you let me watch him today. i thought that was the compromise. me: read the texts her: she copied and pasted my text from last night: i apologize for being a smart ass. i would like to see my son. if it would help we can meet on thursdays at 5:30 her: no where in there does it say you would do that if you watched him today me: thats what we were discussing. i thought the "i would like to see my son" part was clear (i really did) as in today. compromise is both sides giving, not just one me: right? i honestly came away from thinking we had an agreement to let me watch him today, no bs. her: well i didn't. im sorry but my parents already have plans for him today me: what would these plans be her: they are taking him to a park and a festival me: you're trying to hurt me. you know i thought we had an agreement. thats not cool. her: Well you know... after the way you've behaved the past few days, I'm not sure how comfortable i feel now. you have shown that your anger management isn't working. You told D his mom was a coward (lie) and that I didn't love him (HUGE LIE). thats verbal abuse and if you don't see that you're blind. never once have i ever told D to tell you tha he wants to stay with me. i would never stoop so low me: i never said such things. i always tell him you AND i love him. i swear to God her: but he does tell me its hard to goto your house because you're always mad at him. should i believe that because according to you he never lies. so thats why he isn't coming. you want to stay with the court order, fine. i'm done talking about it, i need to get ready for work. me: ok this crazy. i am never mad at him. i treat him with love and caring at all times. her: K, i stood in the parking lot and heard you tell him "your mom doesn't love you. she's a chameleon" and thats abuse! what else are you telling him?? me: i never said you don't love him. don't you dare accuse that (i never have for the record) her: wow, you really have lost it then. i heard it and i even said back to you "don't you dare tell him that!" so pretend that you never said it me: you're embellishing again. why do you do that? i reinforce u love him every time he asks. wow, you are angry. chameleon yes, you don't love him NEVER. her: you have selective memory... you did through our entire relationship and you still do even after i heard it with my own ears.. and D heard it too. so stop texting me. learn to control your anger and emotions better. me: dude i would never say that.. and never have. stop it please. me: and you say i'm cruel. you know i didn't say that. me: ok, believe what you want. im not stooping to that level 10 minutes later: me: i need you to believe me. lets stop with the vengeful nonsense. i believe you if you didnt say that about staying with you. but please do not put words in my mouth out of anger. no response from her, she's at work now. I am getting REALLY concerned. she is showing she'll make up anything to get me back. What the hell do i do now? please some advice would really help. Edited April 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Oh **** dude you opened up Pandora's Box. Do what I suggested earlier and send something written explaining that you would just like to see your son, are willing to compromise and do the Thursday night thing. Swallow your pride for the moment. Btw there is a good (very good) chance that your son will play both ends against the middle because you guys are in such a toxic dynamic. There us a good chance that mommy didn't tell him to say that he wanted to go home to her. He will at some point act like one parent said one thing to the other, it us practically inevitable. I know it is nice to be able to depend on his character, but his character is still developing. When I read your text convo I didn't get the impression that you would be watching him today, just sayin..... Sorry dude, you gotta back up the truck before it causes for problems.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) Oh **** dude you opened up Pandora's Box. Do what I suggested earlier and send something written explaining that you would just like to see your son, are willing to compromise and do the Thursday night thing. Swallow your pride for the moment. Btw there is a good (very good) chance that your son will play both ends against the middle because you guys are in such a toxic dynamic. There us a good chance that mommy didn't tell him to say that he wanted to go home to her. He will at some point act like one parent said one thing to the other, it us practically inevitable. I know it is nice to be able to depend on his character, but his character is still developing. When I read your text convo I didn't get the impression that you would be watching him today, just sayin..... Sorry dude, you gotta back up the truck before it causes for problems. maybe i wasn't clear enough with her and text is not a good medium for getting your point across. i thought a compromise would be both sides giving as what I said to her? and me saying "i would like to see my son" i guess i should've said "tomorrow" but I thought that was understood? if i don't see him today i don't see him again until thursday. Man, this is getting bad really fast and yes I definitely played a role in escalating things. I really didn't think she would go this route of making up things i said, but damn, she's done it so many times in the past since we separated. maybe she really believes i said that, maybe she's crazy, or just super vindictive. I'm really nervous right now. She's trying to assassinate my character.. and its her word against mine i guess? I'm feeling like this is spiraling out of control quickly.. and my sons wellbeing is in jeopardy over this. I'm thinking maybe at this point there needs to be a third party involved in this to resolve the conflict, like a therapist or something. I am totally willing to do that.. I'll pay for it, set it up, and the topic will be 100% about our son. I wonder if she would go for this? Is this a bad idea? Edited April 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I'm feeling like this is spiraling out of control quickly.. and my sons wellbeing is in jeopardy over this. I'm thinking maybe at this point there needs to be a third party involved in this to resolve the conflict, like a therapist or something. I am totally willing to do that.. I'll pay for it, set it up, and the topic will be 100% about our son. I wonder if she would go for this? Is this a bad idea? It may not be a bad idea, BUT you have to de-escalate everything before you talk to her about the counseling. De-escalate and don't let her press your buttons when she tests you. Then you wait about 48 hours and bring it up so that the two look unrelated. Key word:De-escalate. As well a prime thing to do would be to apologize for attacking her character as a mother. Do it in the name of de-escalation. It can be addressed in counseling later. You still have to deal with this woman as long as you raise a child together. Making character assessments is not going to help in any way, shape or form. I am not saying that you are wrong. I am saying that being right and sharing it with a brick wall won't help. It might just hurt.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) i agree this needs to de-escalated, its becoming nuclear. I was trying to de-escalate it last night and I was sincere in what I was saying about this is causing too much pain to everyone involved. I don't know if anyone else sees this, but I see that: she is willing to get in her feelings about what is happening and refuses to let me defend myself and ends the conversation. this leaves me full of anxiety when i don't have a chance to present my side. she is definitely going on the offensive to destroy my character and question my ability to be a good parent. I'm really scared that she will go to any length to do so, ie making things up, and putting things in our son head to justify what she is doing. I have not done any of these things. From my perspective one of the main problems is that she thinks she is more important to him than I am, and that simply isn't true. Edited April 10, 2011 by marqueemoon4
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