Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 she wants out on her own? then let her figure out how to support herself. she will hold on to you if she thinks she can get you to give her money - so she can continue her party without you being present. there is another man - i guarantee it. start checking... take the blinders off. take the money away and make her uncomfortable. the more comfortable you try to keep her - the more she won't change to be decent. She is supporting herself, so I'm not that stupid. As I have said in my previous posts if there was another man, that would make my life easy,as there would never be any chance of us getting back together! I want to try my best to save my family. I would like advice on getting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 She is supporting herself, so I'm not that stupid. As I have said in my previous posts if there was another man, that would make my life easy,as there would never be any chance of us getting back together! I want to try my best to save my family. I would like advice on getting her back. get her back by stopping your participation. get custody of your kids since she looks to be actively using and partying. that is no environment for young kids... the kids safety and well being come first - focus soley on keeping them safe and protected while mommy runs through her wild streak. what did you expect? your wife is young - and you have kept her isolated and been controlling. she's sowing her oats... step aside - she will take a while... take care of YOU and the kids... you can't control the chaos she will bring... but you can keep your kids safe in the meantime. they should never be left alone with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 get her back by stopping your participation. get custody of your kids since she looks to be actively using and partying. that is no environment for young kids... the kids safety and well being come first - focus soley on keeping them safe and protected while mommy runs through her wild streak. what did you expect? your wife is young - and you have kept her isolated and been controlling. she's sowing her oats... step aside - she will take a while... take care of YOU and the kids... you can't control the chaos she will bring... but you can keep your kids safe in the meantime. they should never be left alone with her. That comment hurt! Just because it's true! You are right, I guess there is no quick fix. She does still love me( I think!) my girls are my priority and always will be. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 That comment hurt! Just because it's true! You are right, I guess there is no quick fix. She does still love me( I think!) my girls are my priority and always will be. no love now... pointing out the obvious... no LOVING behavior from her = no love. accept the obvious. ask yourself WHY you are willing to put up with such behavior from her in order to feel loved? remember it's not loving behavior she is showing you. also remember that you trying to control her so much over the years has backfired in her retaliation... to step away while she adjusts to a sense of balance is key. she has been one way and is now swinging the other direction... it may take her years to get balanced... how long are YOU willing to wait and watch her chaos while she adjusts? i suggest you get a healthy boundary... for you and for your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 no love now... pointing out the obvious... no LOVING behavior from her = no love. accept the obvious. ask yourself WHY you are willing to put up with such behavior from her in order to feel loved? remember it's not loving behavior she is showing you. also remember that you trying to control her so much over the years has backfired in her retaliation... to step away while she adjusts to a sense of balance is key. she has been one way and is now swinging the other direction... it may take her years to get balanced... how long are YOU willing to wait and watch her chaos while she adjusts? i suggest you get a healthy boundary... for you and for your kids.[/quoteT I was going to hive her until June to sort herself out. I'm tempted to file 4 divorce now! As this may shock het into reality !!!] Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 no love now... pointing out the obvious... no LOVING behavior from her = no love. accept the obvious. ask yourself WHY you are willing to put up with such behavior from her in order to feel loved? remember it's not loving behavior she is showing you. also remember that you trying to control her so much over the years has backfired in her retaliation... to step away while she adjusts to a sense of balance is key. she has been one way and is now swinging the other direction... it may take her years to get balanced... how long are YOU willing to wait and watch her chaos while she adjusts? i suggest you get a healthy boundary... for you and for your kids.[/quoteT I was going to hive her until June to sort herself out. I'm tempted to file 4 divorce now! As this may shock het into reality !!!] June? six months of sheer hell - or six months of keep the chaos at bay? either way - get a HEALTHY boundary... that doesn't include YOU being her doormat while your kids watch you be the wimpy guy Mommy drags down... Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 She will see it as a breach of her privacy! A woman would like to see her man fight for her. They want to be valued. Balance this out with that they do not want needy men. Your investigation is part of the fighting process. Expect to be ticked off by her. Apologize. Explain the boundary. Keep it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 All inocent Good... I'm telling you, you can win on this one man... Be a man. If she finds out about Facebook big deal. Tell her the truth "Wife, I will not live in an open marriage and I needed to statisfy myself another person isn't involved" Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 A woman would like to see her man fight for her. They want to be valued. Balance this out with that they do not want needy men. Your investigation is part of the fighting process. Expect to be ticked off by her. Apologize. Explain the boundary. Keep it. Top advice Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 she wants out on her own? then let her figure out how to support herself. Yep, these WAW's (Walk away wives) have a huge sense of entitlement. She needs to miss you. Part of that is her having to go out and get an f'ing job. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm tempted to file 4 divorce now! As this may shock het into reality !!!] Your a long way from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Yep, these WAW's (Walk away wives) have a huge sense of entitlement. She needs to miss you. Part of that is her having to go out and get an f'ing job. Damn right! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Ok, i have my daughters tonight! and i havent seen her since yesterday morning! I will see her in the morning, i don't think she has contacted me in the last couple of days due to me being a bit pushy, but i had to know where i stood! So i guess i shut up and get on with things? Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Your getting good advice here for keeping her, but bearing in mind she's a dope smoking, coke snorting wine guzling gal- are you sure you want to or is it just trying to keep what you cant have. Make sure your not going to regret geting her back if it works out that way. Good luck mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Your getting good advice here for keeping her, but bearing in mind she's a dope smoking, coke snorting wine guzling gal- are you sure you want to or is it just trying to keep what you cant have. Make sure your not going to regret geting her back if it works out that way. Good luck mate. I often ask that myself, but everyone flies of the handle from time time. If this is more than a phase for her then i guess that does change things1 Edited January 27, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Breaking into her FB account? That's lame. Why don't you get a keylogger? IMO, your head is firmly planted in the sand. No woman leaves a man with 2 little kiddies to go be on her own living in social housing UNLESS you were an absolute pr*ck! You admit to being controlling and that's basically it. Is she that weak-minded to not go toe to toe with you over that? Seems like that's the case. So, when/if she goes back to you, what then? Will you then get a personality transplant, and not say boo to her ever again for FEAR of her leaving you again? Have you looked into some IC for yourself? Find out the whys you are allowing yourself to be mistreated and taken for a mug? And what's with her leaving her daughters with you practically every night? Good grief man, it's time you got a clue! How in hay you think you can save this M without all the facts is beyond me. I know you will dismiss what I wrote and there may even be some backlash over this post, o well. It wouldn't be the first time. It's time to say to her, "Are you in or are you out?" You know what the answer will be. She's out. Hanging out with her mates clubbing, doing drugs and imagining (or reality) of other men fancying her and telling you all about it takes precedence over you and being a mother to her children. Yeah, she needs a reality check all right, but so do you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Breaking into her FB account? That's lame. Why don't you get a keylogger? IMO, your head is firmly planted in the sand. No woman leaves a man with 2 little kiddies to go be on her own living in social housing UNLESS you were an absolute pr*ck! You admit to being controlling and that's basically it. Is she that weak-minded to not go toe to toe with you over that? Seems like that's the case. So, when/if she goes back to you, what then? Will you then get a personality transplant, and not say boo to her ever again for FEAR of her leaving you again? Have you looked into some IC for yourself? Find out the whys you are allowing yourself to be mistreated and taken for a mug? And what's with her leaving her daughters with you practically every night? Good grief man, it's time you got a clue! How in hay you think you can save this M without all the facts is beyond me. I know you will dismiss what I wrote and there may even be some backlash over this post, o well. It wouldn't be the first time. It's time to say to her, "Are you in or are you out?" You know what the answer will be. She's out. Hanging out with her mates clubbing, doing drugs and imagining (or reality) of other men fancying her and telling you all about it takes precedence over you and being a mother to her children. Yeah, she needs a reality check all right, but so do you! No backlash, i like your perspective and i think you have al'ot of valid points! she is of the rails at the moment and i'm just hoping it's because she feels like she is trying to make up for some of her lost youth! Maybe just rebelling against me! I think she probably drinks a bottle of wine a night! and when she gets grass she will smoke that as well, i think the coke thing is once a month. What i didn't like two weeks ago was the fact she was smoking pot @ 4.00pm with my daughters 12 feet away! I'm telling you now this women used to be a superstar, but whoever has taken her place is different Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm telling you now this women used to be a superstar, but whoever has taken her place is different There isn't anyone on this separation/divorce forum that can't relate to that. There is loads of experience from many here. There are even a few that have reconciled. The majority have not. Remember this, it isn't just about what you have done in the past and the ways you can right the wrongs, if given the chance. You are not the one that has bailed. The one that cares least has all the power. Step back, watch and listen. Know when enough is enough and do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I'm telling you now this women used to be a superstar, but whoever has taken her place is different Like an alien.. yep I know the feeling Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 she is of the rails at the moment The problem is, at the moment she is facing zero consequences, what possible incentive does she have to go back on the rails, after all this is all so much fun for her. Firstly, IMO you are doing way, way, way too much communicating with her and helping her out too much eg allowing her to use your PC, letting her come round at any time. Secondly, you are just sitting at home pining like a lovesick puppy, she can feel that vibe coming from you. Fill your life up with stuff, there is so much to be doing. Once you look like your getting on just fine without her, she won't like it. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 So i guess i shut up and get on with things? Yep, Do you have your kids for the weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 i don't think she has contacted me in the last couple of days due to me being a bit pushy She will be all over you like a rash again before the end of next week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Yep, Do you have your kids for the weekend? Unfortunetly i don't!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Ok, i had the girls last night and they both have colds so there wasn't alot of sleep to be had.! She came round this morning , i was vague! ( I think she confuses this with me beiing grumpy?) As she kept asking me if i was ok!! She didn't smell of booze which was a good thing. She asked me what i was doing this weekend i just said there could be a couple of things happening and left it that! So, shall just go off the radar for the weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 So, shall just go off the radar for the weekend? Yep, do that... Link to post Share on other sites
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