coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 SAC -- don't worry about it, I'm actually sick too (sore throat, bad cold, tired). I'm wondering if that's part of why I started throwing up on my last date . I'm also pretty certain I got him sick because whatever I have seems to be very contagious. It's good you didn't go, because you don't want to go through with something like what I did.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 SAC -- don't worry about it, I'm actually sick too (sore throat, bad cold, tired). I'm wondering if that's part of why I started throwing up on my last date . I'm also pretty certain I got him sick because whatever I have seems to be very contagious. It's good you didn't go, because you don't want to go through with something like what I did. Yeah, I was feeling like I was about to throw up at work today and couldn't even eat lunch. I just couldn't face eating dinner with him and I hate being sick around someone I am not comfortable with. I kind of think that mental and emotinal stress is affecting my health
coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Btw, are you still up for the date with the politician guy for this weekend? Ugh you're so sadistic.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ugh you're so sadistic. What are you talking about? She does have a date for what I uderstand. It is my impression that she wants to get rid of this guy to give the politician a chance because he's been in contact. And also because this would be the third or fouth date with this guy, and things might turn physical and I don't think she wants that too much (when she has the other guy in mind).
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ugh you're so sadistic. Also, SaC is not the kind of girl that is "in love" every time with a different guy. It takes her years to find someone she likes, and when she does she can't forget.
Kamille Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 You're handling this situation superbly well. You're prioritizing your health and well-being. You don't sound like you're obsessing about it. You have a reasonable plan of action regarding asking him out on the next date since you cancelled this one. I hope you feel better soon.
elaina Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Cee it was 3 dates. Anyway I texted him that I was sick and told him to let me know if we can reschedule for Friday or Saturday. He responded with "No worries, I hope you feel better soon" He didn't really respond to Fri/Sat part. My plan is that if I don't hear from him again to just text him on Friday and ask him if he wants to do something on Saturday night (just in case he thinks that I am not interested because I canceled today).... If he says that he is busy or offers some vague answer - that's it then, game over. Should I even do that? Or should I just move on now if I don't hear from him again? Man! I think you should just BE YOU! If you are interested in him, be honest with him! If he doesn't appreciate your honesty and isn't interested, let him go. COMMUNICATE WITH HIM. Why play all these stressful games about "should I..." You're just hurting yourself, like beating yourself up over a chess game no matter what move you make. Enjoy life! I don't understand why so many women seem to stress themselves out over if a guy likes them or not. Gain some confidence girl! You're beautiful, smart, and you've got to get over this self-sabatoge. It's stressing you out big time! The object of dating is NOT to stress out, but to have fun getting to know the person, right?
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 My plan is that if I don't hear from him again to just text him on Friday and ask him if he wants to do something on Saturday night (just in case he thinks that I am not interested because I canceled today).... If he says that he is busy or offers some vague answer - that's it then, game over. Should I even do that? Or should I just move on now if I don't hear from him again? First, when you cancelled, you should have CALLED him. Not only is it the polite/right way to cancel a date, but you would have heard his voice and been in a better place to assess his response than reading quick words sent via text. Same goes for contacting him on Friday. Don't text him. CALL him, not only because that's the more personal way to make plans, but so you can hear his voice and better gauge his interest level.
coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 SAC -- I kind of do wonder if part of your motivation in canceling was because you were feeling anxious and emotionally drained? I know you were also sick, but maybe the combination of that plus being anxious was too much to take. I've def used being sick before as an excuse (even to myself) when I was sick but not too sick to go somewhere, and I was already half-hearted.
elaina Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 First, when you cancelled, you should have CALLED him. Not only is it the polite/right way to cancel a date, but you would have heard his voice and been in a better place to assess his response than reading quick words sent via text. Same goes for contacting him on Friday. Don't text him. CALL him, not only because that's the more personal way to make plans, but so you can hear his voice and better gauge his interest level. Totally agree! Sad and Confused, In communicating with a person, actually talking with them with your beautiful voice is the way to go! Even if you're sick, at least he can hear you are sick. Guys are not monsters. They're not going to diss you cause you're sick (hopefully not!) Sorry for being harsh in my last post by the way. I just wish somebody would sit both you and him down and ya'll could talk with each other without stressing out on your part and with understanding on his part on how much you like him and that this isn't a bad thing! People make things so complicated! I'm sorry you're sick by the way and hope you get feeling better. Oh, and it would be great if you could change your screenname. Positivity is important.
elaina Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 SAC -- I kind of do wonder if part of your motivation in canceling was because you were feeling anxious and emotionally drained? I know you were also sick, but maybe the combination of that plus being anxious was too much to take. I've def used being sick before as an excuse (even to myself) when I was sick but not too sick to go somewhere, and I was already half-hearted. Hello Coloredinks, I like your new screenname and avatar! Emotional health does affect physical health. Hope you get feeling better too.
coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ha, I don't know about you guys but I haven't been on a date with a guy in YEARS who calls. It's always texting. Even in dating experiences that led to actual relationships (at which point they started calling). Men these days are lazy and cowardly.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 SAC -- I kind of do wonder if part of your motivation in canceling was because you were feeling anxious and emotionally drained? I know you were also sick, but maybe the combination of that plus being anxious was too much to take. I've def used being sick before as an excuse (even to myself) when I was sick but not too sick to go somewhere, and I was already half-hearted. It's kinda psychosomatic. I mean, this purported illness seems more of a TEST of his interest level than SAC taking care of herself.
coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 It's kinda psychosomatic. I mean, this purported illness seems more of a TEST of his interest level than SAC taking care of herself. If I had to take a guess, it's some mixture of all of the above -- legit sickness, anxiety and testing. At least it would be for me. I don't doubt that she's actually sick, but I know that if I really, really want to go somewhere I'd have to be pretty incapacitated to cancel.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ha, I don't know about you guys but I haven't been on a date with a guy in YEARS who calls. It's always texting. Even in dating experiences that led to actual relationships (at which point they started calling). Men these days are lazy and cowardly. The guys I've dated who've been unquestionably interested from the start have always called for dates, without prompting...even the crazy texters. A guy who's lazy at the beginning will be lazy in the relationship, too.
coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 The guys I've dated who've been unquestionably interested from the start have always called for dates, without prompting...even the crazy texters. A guy who's lazy at the beginning will be lazy in the relationship, too. I dunno, because my most recent ex was super into me while we were together and he only texted at the beginning.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I know that if I really, really want to go somewhere I'd have to be pretty incapacitated to cancel. Exactly, hence why I called it an excuse. Also, don't you think that SAC's guy thinks the same way? "If she was really interested, she wouldn't have cancelled unless she's really, really, really ill?" And if he thinks that she might be making up an excuse, which is quite possible, what motivation does he have to pass her "test"? None. Testing always results in a failure.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I dunno, because my most recent ex was super into me while we were together and he only texted at the beginning. And he wasn't all that respectful, now was he? Nor did he put the necessary effort in. You did, but he was a lazy boyfriend. Regardless, her intent is to see what his response is. The best way to get a real feel for that response is not from a text, but by the sound of his voice.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 what motivation does he have to pass her "test"? None. Testing always results in a failure. I don't think SaC cares about this guy to make him pass any test. I think she wants to forget about this guy altogether. Instead, she keeps naming the PG in this thread and a number of others: With the politican I would always delete his number but then would end up FB messaging him few hours later I did exactly the same thing with politician guy. I erased all his OKC messages and FB messages... few hours and would cave and FB message him, or go online on FB and IM him there Imagine when I am really into a guy? I pretty much spontaneously combust. I have lost 10lbs in the few weeks of dating the politician guy (I have put them all back on since). I was falling apart. I have switched from the politician to this guy in few weeks. I have also switched from undying love for my ex to obsessing over my boss... Is not like SaC is going to forget all about this, get over, and start liking this new guy. It doesn't happen this easily. Not with her. And if she had sex with the PG (which I imagine for what she said) then she is done.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Emotionally, I am not sure how to stop myself from feeling what I feel. The only way to do it is to remove myself from the situation (and dating in general). And the reason for this is because of this online dating experiment, she did find love. But she found it with the PG and got burned. Of course going out with the cute guy was distracting for a bit, but now that he's been away she knows that that is not the truth.
Ariadne Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ugh you're so sadistic. Here is why I said she had a date with the PG (posted on Set 20th): Confession time: I did something like this last night I so WISH I have posted on here before I did it. I had almost a bottle of wine and it was past 11am. I texted the politician guy *cringe cringe*. Keep in mind that last few weeks he has texted me occasionally with "how are you" and "how have you been" but nothing more than that. 11pm me: "hey how are you?" 11:30pm (no reply) so me again: "Do you want to catch up sometime?" 11:33pm him: Yeah, I can't do this week though so how about next? 11:34pm me: Cool, I am free towards the end of next week, let's grab a drink 11:36pm him: Sounds like a plan! 11.37pm me: Awesome! ------------------------- Here it gets even worse. Note: still drunk 12:01am me (somebody shoot me): Actually you can think about it by next week, the last thing I want to do is pressure you into it. :sick::sick: NOTHING for 30 minutes 12:30am him: I am going to bed, goodnight 12:31am me: good night 12:41am me: sleep well 12:45am him: you too 12 47am him: how is your project going? (he is talking about work) 12:48am me: blah blah blah blah 12:50am him: blah blah bah blah (just some work stuff, boring) 12:51am me: I have another 5am start tomorrow 12:52am him: Jesus go to sleep then!!!!!!! 12:53am me: good night (again) -------------------------------------------------- Guys, I woke up this morning absolutely CRINGING about this. I feel awful. The guy I am currently dating hasn't contacted me in almost 2 days too. Don't do it Shadow. There is no good that can come from this. He will either say: a) NO b) Yes to string you along when he really means no c) Yes but you will feel like you have forced him into it d) Yes and you will have sex but you will end up feeling horrible becaue you want more I don't see how any of a, b,c or d can have a positive outcome As you can see, that would be the end of this week.
Cee Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Here's my post work check in to the thread. I've ceased caring about the dating, but I wanted to make sure SAC & Shadow were okay. Seems like y'all are doing fine. I'll throw in a little update of my own... In the 7 days that I have ceased dating my life has finally gotten back to normal. I'm happy, my BFF is moving in with me b/c he needed a place to stay (gay), and I have 3 lunch dates set up with people I have lost touch with. I gotta run now. I'm going to the bar to do some rockabilly jamming with a guy I'm friends with. He has a live-in GF of 5 years, so I promise I'm not up to any shenanigans. Sorry to hijack the thread, but I wanted to talk about ME, ME, ME for a moment. I'm such a brat. Carry on all. I'll check in again before work. Hope you guys go out and have some fun.
coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I am into him enough to want to see him again...but some things about him bother me (unrelated to his interest level). He is very passive and never has a plan on what to do for dates. I have to come up with everything. Even when he calls to see me he kinds of goes "What would you like to do?" and then if I say "I don't know" it gets awkward. He also moves really slowwwly. I prefer romances that move at a faster pace than this. He goes days without contact which makes me feel really disconnected from him. He is just so shy in general. When we make out, he is afraid to even hug me tight or touch me. It's hard to imagine having sex with him unless I am prepared to make all the moves. I kind of imagine you with someone more confident. But then again, I think somebody more confident will trigger all of your insecurities and possibly turn you into a doormat. What do you like about this guy? Is it mostly that he's cute? That said, I wouldn't write him off. Who knows. Maybe somebody shy and more sensitive will work well for you in an actual relationship.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 I kind of imagine you with someone more confident. But then again, I think somebody more confident will trigger all of your insecurities and possibly turn you into a doormat. What do you like about this guy? Is it mostly that he's cute? That said, I wouldn't write him off. Who knows. Maybe somebody shy and more sensitive will work well for you in an actual relationship. Yep, that's what happens. With someone more confident, I pretty much take on a role of this guy with being passive, afraid to speak up etc.. I am still weirded out by how your personality changes relative to who you are with. I like that he is cute (lol) and that we have few things in common (although those things are not really that significant). For example, I like this movie review website that is not well known and most people have never heard of it. Turns out that it's his favorite too...just random stuff like that. I also get the vibe that he is genuinly nice and kind person. Basically, he has passed the looks requriment threshold, the conversation threshold and the non-player/looking for LTR threshold. It might not sound like much but ALL the other 16 guys I met online have failed on at least 1 of the 3.
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