He FINALLY texted me

[shadowplay]

Shadow, I am curious. Did you have any longer periods of your life when you were not obsessing over some guy? (this could be someone you are dating or want to date).

 

I pretty much had none, since I was about 14. I seem to seek out new guy to obsess over after it's crystal clear that the current guy is not interested.

 

Here's a rundown haha

 

15-17: Aaron. Tall, dark, handsome, charismatic and BRILLIANT.

18-18.5: Ben. Short, extremely cute, somewhat soft-headed.

18.5-24/25: Jake. Looked like a less attractive version of Aaron. Really smart and charming, though.

Also, minor footnotes between 18 and 22:

John: smart but a prick

Jeremy: smart and standoffish

Bernie: bloated, distant druggie (not sure what I was thinking there )

 

It's interesting that none of these guys I even dated. If I had, my head would have definitely exploded. And that's exactly what's happening with this new guy. Because he's all of them rolled into one minus the bloated druggie bit.

[SadandConfusedWA]

The problem is, I had stable and loving childhood. My parents are still together and we are very close. I would be hard pressed to find anyone that is more loved and has better and more giving parents than me. There is nothing to address there.

 

This is why my problems are so bizzare.

[shadowplay]

I'm in the process of "deleting" my LS account by changing my password to something random I won't remember and then deleting the email with the new password.

[CLC2008]

The problem is, I had stable and loving childhood. My parents are still together and we are very close. I would be hard pressed to find anyone that is more loved and has better and more giving parents than me. There is nothing to address there.

 

This is why my problems are so bizzare.

 

Okay, well then, why don't you explore it more...not on LS.

 

Have you?

[USMCHokie]

I'm in the process of "deleting" my LS account by changing my password to something random I won't remember and then deleting the email with the new password.

 

....

[SadandConfusedWA]

I'm in the process of "deleting" my LS account by changing my password to something random I won't remember and then deleting the email with the new password.

 

But you will still able to read LS and then open new usernames?

[SadandConfusedWA]

BTW I do feel that wriitng on LS only confounds my obsession.

 

I am obsessed/addicted to LS too

[CLC2008]

BTW I do feel that wriitng on LS only confounds my obsession.

 

I am obsessed/addicted to LS too

 

Exhibitionist behavior...

[SadandConfusedWA]

Gah on a more practical note, I have NO idea what to do on tomorrow's date.

 

We have done movies, dinners and drinks. What else is there?

[Star Gazer]

Shadow and SACWA, you two are terrible for each other.

 

I'm SO glad I've been out at dinner since 7:30 PST and am now too intoxicated to respond thoughtfully to this thread. Because what I really want to do is yell at both of you.

[Star Gazer]

I hope this is closer to your approach with you know who, Hokie.

 

His approach has been perfect from the get go. He even CALLS to set dates! :love:

 

Every great girl deserves a Hokie. You girls will find a Hokie of your own someday...if you can STOP OBSESSING!!

[SadandConfusedWA]

I'm SO glad I've been out at dinner since 7:30 PST and am now too intoxicated to respond thoughtfully to this thread. Because what I really want to do is yell at both of you.

 

Howdy Star

[Star Gazer]

I hope I make sense tonight.

 

You say in one breath: "It seems like I was worrying for nothing..."

 

and then change to: "This kind of screams "low interest"...I am not even relieved."

 

HOW do you make these crazy conclusions!?!?! Your first comment was spot on, your second comment is just...made up out of nowhere!

 

I remember once back in grade school, doing a contest where we had to guess the number of jelly beans in a jar. The teacher said don't overthink it, go with your first guess, your gut instinct...it's most likely to be accurate. She was right!

 

And she was too HERE! Look at your gut instinct, your FIRST thought before you started the obsessive over-analysis: you're worrying for nothing!

 

Go on your date on Tuesday, and ENJOY yourself!

[Oxo]

The problem is, I had stable and loving childhood. My parents are still together and we are very close. I would be hard pressed to find anyone that is more loved and has better and more giving parents than me. There is nothing to address there.

 

This is why my problems are so bizzare.

 

I am the same! Came from a great family, was an only child, loads of support. And yet I form the same sorts of attachments where I obsess. If my boyfriend doesn't call me before he goes to work at night, I worry. If he doesn't answer his phone when I call, I start to think hes angry at me and then I obsess.

 

My previous relationships ended badly but I was over them completely within a few months!

 

Is it BPD or low self esteem or Obsessive Love, or what? lol it drives me crazy!

[SadandConfusedWA]

HA - rather than testing him to see how interested he is by his willingness to plan the date, I just went with what I want to do.

 

There is an exhibition on right now that I wanted to see so I just texted him "I want to see X exhibition - can you meet me there at 5:30pm?" and he responded with "Yeah, sounds great! See you there SAC :)"

[SadandConfusedWA]

I think I am going to respond by sending him a somewhat flirty message now lolol

 

P.S. It looks like my recent 3-date curse is about to be broken.

[welikeincrowds]

HA - rather than testing him to see how interested he is by his willingness to plan the date, I just went with what I want to do.

 

There is an exhibition on right now that I wanted to see so I just texted him "I want to see X exhibition - can you meet me there at 5:30pm?" and he responded with "Yeah, sounds great! See you there SAC :)"

 

 

PERFECT

 

(character limit)

[SadandConfusedWA]

Shadow, did you disable PMs?

 

I just typed you a long message but wasn't able to send it...

[Kamille]

HA - rather than testing him to see how interested he is by his willingness to plan the date, I just went with what I want to do.

 

There is an exhibition on right now that I wanted to see so I just texted him "I want to see X exhibition - can you meet me there at 5:30pm?" and he responded with "Yeah, sounds great! See you there SAC :)"

 

I wonder if the anxiety you experience isn't anything more than the fact that you're someone who's used to being in control of most aspects of your life. A PhD, for instance, while difficult, is a structured process. You likely know what you need to do to be successful at it and know how to achieve it. For example, even if you stress about a presentation, you control what it is you present and how you prepare for the presentation.

 

One thing that gets me about this thread though is that while you have identified that you have a propensity to experience a high followed by a self-imposed low when a guy contacts you, of precisely the kind you wrote about in your OP, you don't seem to be able to recognize the pattern while it is happening, allowing it to then step away from it. As in: "Okay, I'm excited he called and now I'm searching for signs of low interest because I'm trying to prepare for the worst by searching for evidence that my worst-case-scenario is real. This is my anxiety speaking. I know I do this every time so this time I will allow it to happen and let it pass."

[jamesum]

It beats me so much that some women can be completely normal human beings with successful careers but turn totally insane when it comes to love.

[SadandConfusedWA]

It beats me so much that some women can be completely normal human beings with successful careers but turn totally insane when it comes to love.

 

I even own an inner city apartment and have payed off the mortgage.

 

I am currently in the process of selling it and buying a bigger and better place. Not too bad for someone who is 31, female and psychotic

[jamesum]

I even own an inner city apartment and have payed off the mortgage.

 

I am currently in the process of selling it and buying a bigger and better place. Not too bad for someone who is 31, female and psychotic

Exactly my point.

 

Why do you have the need to be so dramatic when you are otherwise capable of being 'normal'?

[elaina]

Honestly what is the poor guy meant to do? Get down on bended knee and profess his undying love? After 3 dates.

 

I've read your threads over the last few weeks. This is how I gathered the facts to be. You guys were meant to have a date scheduled for the weekend, he was out surfing with his buddies till then. His friends decide to stay a bit longer and he informs you that he can't make the weekend but wants to do something the next week. You suggest a day and he agrees. And now he's back and he's contacted you about making plans? That all seems pretty normal..

 

He's probably shy as well, doesn't want to force himself down your throat and make HIMSELF look clingy. I know when I began dating my girlfriend I purposely laid off contacting her too much early on for fear of looking desperate (it didn't work though because later on she said she knew I was into her from the first conversation we had! )

 

Awww

 

That is how my boyfriend and I are right now.

 

I think you should just step back and look at this with some perspective. If you over analyze EVERYTHING to the nth detail your mind will find something wrong with it. He's not showing a lack of interest, I would have thought that would be common sense. I mean wouldn't you want to discuss with someone what you plan to do, rather than taking them out to do something they may not enjoy?

 

Totally agree.

 

Sad and Confused, I wonder if this guy even knows you are worrying about him like this? Men sometimes don't make things so complicated and I wonder if some even realize how some girls worry themselves almost to death trying to evaluate his interest.

 

He sounds very active, with surfing and friends and there's more to his life than just dating, so I don't think he's worried about your interest nor do I think he knows you're worried about his interest.

[Els]

Geez, no wonder you say you're having trouble dating. You're nitpicking over the WORST things. If a guy has to act 100% according to script to be acceptable, you may as well start creating a man-droid, cause you won't find anyone.

[Lakeside_runner]

Nah, actually I feel comforted to have met Shadow. At least I feel that there is someone that understands me. I would have been equally anxious about dating even if I have never met Shadow.

 

LOVE IT!!! Sorry...