He FINALLY texted me

[SadandConfusedWA]

It seems like I was worrying for nothing

 

He texted me this morning (Monday) saying that he hopes we are still on for tomorrow and that he is looking forward to it. He asked me if there was anything sepcific I wanted to do and if not he will give me a call tonight to chat about few options he thought of...

 

So I don't know what to think. I would have prefered if he had a specific plan in mind. This kind of screams "low interest". Also, I get a sense that I have forced tomorrow and that if I haven't pressured him into he would have never contacted me.

 

I am not even releived. After all this anxiety, I just feel meh. I don't think I am cut out for dating. It is taking too much out of me Sigh.

 

One thing is for sure: after tomorrow I am NEVER initating again...

[shadowplay]

 

One thing is for sure: after tomorrow I am NEVER initating again...

 

This is what I tell myself every time.

[USMCHokie]

You have got to be kidding me...

[shadowplay]

I really think you're worrying over nothing, hun. See if he had sent me that text I would actually be excited and relieved. I feel like you miss it when guys are interested in you, where I actually pick up on genuine low interest.

[SadandConfusedWA]

This is what I tell myself every time.

 

 

I have horrible impulse control. I can't stop myself.

 

I used to deal with this by deleting guy's info from my phone. But nowdays, I have options of FB messaging, e-mailing and OKC messaging. It's almost impossible to block all avenues of contact.

 

With the politican I would always delete his number but then would end up FB messaging him few hours later

[Cracker Jack]

I also agree that you're not cut out for dating, SaC.

[welikeincrowds]

This kind of screams "low interest".

 

Are you sure about that?

 

Is it possible that he doesn't have a good idea of what your common interests are? As in, he's not sure about a new thing to do that you would both enjoy doing, and he doesn't want to be presumptuous and plan something that you won't find enjoyable, and so he's asking for you to give him some hints in that regard?

 

If that is the case, then not initiating would probably be the last thing you should do, no?

[shadowplay]

I have horrible impulse control. I can't stop myself.

 

I used to deal with this by deleting guy's info from my phone. But nowdays, I have options of FB messaging, e-mailing and OKC messaging. It's almost impossible to block all avenues of contact.

 

With the politican I would always delete his number but then would end up FB messaging him few hours later

 

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking, hey maybe is just being shy and doesn't know I'm interested so I should message him and take some initiative. And then right after, when I get no response or a really lame response, I realize how foolish that line of thinking was.

 

Yep, I haven't even added J's number to my phone, because I don't want to have any easy way of accessing him.

 

With OKC guy, I erased him from my phone and all of his messages to me on the site (one of which contained his number). But even then one day I was feeling impulsive and tried to go back and find. Luckily, the search gave me enough time to think it over and stop myself.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I really think you're worrying over nothing, hun. See if he had sent me that text I would actually be excited and relieved. I feel like you miss it when guys are interested in you, where I actually pick up on genuine low interest.

 

For what it's worth Shadow I think that your guy is VERY interested in you. So interested in fact that he is considering breaking his "casual only" rule. I also feel like you miss when guys are really interested in you.

 

It is always easier to see it when you are not emotionally involved.

[tigressA]

Is it possible that he doesn't have a good idea of what your common interests are? As in, he's not sure about a new thing to do that you would both enjoy doing, and he doesn't want to be presumptuous and plan something that you won't find enjoyable, and so he's asking for you to give him some hints in that regard?

 

This is a much healthier way to think of it, IMO. I saw nothing in what you posted that indicated low interest on behalf of this guy. Just go out with him tomorrow, see what happens. If he's truly low-interest, you'll know it when you're with him again. I highly doubt he is, though.

[Eclypse]

Honestly what is the poor guy meant to do? Get down on bended knee and profess his undying love? After 3 dates.

 

I've read your threads over the last few weeks. This is how I gathered the facts to be. You guys were meant to have a date scheduled for the weekend, he was out surfing with his buddies till then. His friends decide to stay a bit longer and he informs you that he can't make the weekend but wants to do something the next week. You suggest a day and he agrees. And now he's back and he's contacted you about making plans? That all seems pretty normal..

 

He's probably shy as well, doesn't want to force himself down your throat and make HIMSELF look clingy. I know when I began dating my girlfriend I purposely laid off contacting her too much early on for fear of looking desperate (it didn't work though because later on she said she knew I was into her from the first conversation we had! )

 

I think you should just step back and look at this with some perspective. If you over analyze EVERYTHING to the nth detail your mind will find something wrong with it. He's not showing a lack of interest, I would have thought that would be common sense. I mean wouldn't you want to discuss with someone what you plan to do, rather than taking them out to do something they may not enjoy?

[shadowplay]

For what it's worth Shadow I think that your guy is VERY interested in you. So interested in fact that he is considering breaking his "casual only" rule. I also feel like you miss when guys are really interested in you.

 

It is always easier to see it when you are not emotionally involved.

 

Whatever he is, I feel the same way as you. I'm not at all cut out for this.

 

All I can say is you should feel lucky you're not really into this guy. I'm already way into J and it's making it impossible for me to date him.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking, hey maybe is just being shy and doesn't know I'm interested so I should message him and take some initiative. And then right after, when I get no response or a really lame response, I realize how foolish that line of thinking was.

 

Yep, I haven't even added J's number to my phone, because I don't want to have any easy way of accessing him.

 

With OKC guy, I erased him from my phone and all of his messages to me on the site (one of which contained his number). But even then one day I was feeling impulsive and tried to go back and find. Luckily, the search gave me enough time to think it over and stop myself.

 

I did exactly the same thing with politician guy. I erased all his OKC messages and FB messages. I removed him from my FB news feed. But then I would still check on his FB page eveery few hours and would cave and FB message him, or go online on FB and IM him there

 

I am not sure if this is a BPD trait. I also have black/white thinking thing...

[SadandConfusedWA]

Whatever he is, I feel the same way as you. I'm not at all cut out for this.

 

All I can say is you should feel lucky you're not really into this guy. I'm already way into J and it's making it impossible for me to date him.

 

This is how I am when I am semi into a guy.

 

Imagine when I am really into a guy? I pretty much spontaneously combust. I have lost 10lbs in the few weeks of dating the politician guy (I have put them all back on since). I was falling apart.

 

I feel like I can't do this anymore.

[kdark]

Shadow and SACWA, you two are terrible for each other.

[jamesum]

Oh god, Im very sorry if Im gonna sound rude.

 

But, after reading all your posts I have concluded that you come across as psychotic, and Im very sure most people agree with me but afraid to say it.

[shadowplay]

This is how I am when I am semi into a guy.

 

Imagine when I am really into a guy? I pretty much spontaneously combust. I have lost 10lbs in the few weeks of dating the politician guy (I have put them all back on since). I was falling apart.

 

I feel like I can't do this anymore.

 

Dude, I'm the same way. This is driving me up the wall. I keep trying to distract myself, but my thoughts inevitably return to the same place. I've felt depressed and anxious all day, and like you my appetite has decreased.

Even when I'm busy doing work, running errands, or whatever it's the same underlying bad feeling.

 

I think what is so god darn frustrating is getting a taste of someone you really like. Before when I thought he didn't like me I didn't care. But as soon as a guy I really like shows any sign of interest I'm gone.

 

Dating would be so much easier if it were all black and white, and many guys didn't feel comfortable stringing girls along.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Shadow and SACWA, you two are terrible for each other.

 

Nah, actually I feel comforted to have met Shadow. At least I feel that there is someone that understands me. I would have been equally anxious about dating even if I have never met Shadow.

[shadowplay]

Oh god, Im very sorry if Im gonna sound rude.

 

But, after reading all your posts I have concluded that you come across as psychotic, and Im very sure most people agree with me but afraid to say it.

 

She's not psychotic. People who are psychotic hear voices in their head.

[shadowplay]

Nah, actually I feel comforted to have met Shadow. At least I feel that there is someone that understands me. I would have been equally anxious about dating even if I have never met Shadow.

 

Ditto.

 

-------

[SadandConfusedWA]

Oh god, Im very sorry if Im gonna sound rude.

 

But, after reading all your posts I have concluded that you come across as psychotic, and Im very sure most people agree with me but afraid to say it.

 

 

Eh, you could be right. I am not offended.

[welikeincrowds]

Nah, actually I feel comforted to have met Shadow. At least I feel that there is someone that understands me. I would have been equally anxious about dating even if I have never met Shadow.

 

You won't like this, but this reminds me of what Star Gazer said to you about self-indulgence. Particularly because I'm interested to hear what your reactions are to the responses in this thread that what you're experiencing right now with this guy is not a concern, but I see you have yet to respond to any of it....

[kdark]

Nah, actually I feel comforted to have met Shadow. At least I feel that there is someone that understands me. I would have been equally anxious about dating even if I have never met Shadow.

 

You are probably right. But it does seem like you two feed off of each other...

[sweetjasmine]

You have got to be kidding me...

 

Yeah, seriously. WTF? Again, what has this guy done wrong? What do you think he should do? What do you think he would do if he were "high interest"? What do you expect him to do? What do you want him to do? What could he possibly do to make you feel like you know where he stands?

 

I don't get why you insist on viewing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING as a sign of low-interest, rejection, and absolute, complete, utter, crushing, horrible failure. This guy is acting normally. He's acting like an emotionally healthy adult, and you're still absolutely freaking out about how he must not like you and must not want to ever see you again.

 

Please get professional help for your anxiety and self-esteem problems. There's something seriously off here, and posting about it on LS is only reinforcing your warped perceptions and magnifying your problems, since you insist on only paying attention to people who make you feel like you're acting normally.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I

 

I am not sure if this is a BPD trait. I also have black/white thinking thing...

 

Are you diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder?