Men, do you like the "chase"?

[jamesum]

Okay, Im surprised that this conversation has gone quite civilized.

 

I guess I gotta give props to GooseChaser for keeping it cool despite the initial 'manslaught'. :p:p

[waynebrady]

Sounds fine to me. You just go for it when she clearly wants it as much as you?

 

Yes, if she doesn't want it as much as me then there is no point. I have a high sex drive and I could easily go at it several times a day but unless the woman initiates it and tells me she wants it more than once a month then I'm just gonna take care of myself.

[GooseChaser]

Yes, if she doesn't want it as much as me then there is no point. I have a high sex drive and I could easily go at it several times a day but unless the woman initiates it and tells me she wants it more than once a month then I'm just gonna take care of myself.

I see where you're coming from, and I think that's a good approach if you're happy with it.

[GooseChaser]

Okay, Im surprised that this conversation has gone quite civilized.

 

I guess I gotta give props to GooseChaser for keeping it cool despite the initial 'manslaught'. :p:p

Thank you Jamesum!

[waynebrady]

I see where you're coming from, and I think that's a good approach if you're happy with it.

 

I take no chances when it comes to that. I'm not one of those men who pressures the woman to have sex until she gives in even though she doesn't like it... I'd rather have sex once a month and know she likes it than have sex every day and know she doesn't really like it.

[Raderick]

To gain something like this worth having, one of the two must take a chance.

 

Isn't the man usually traditionally the one to ask a woman out to a dance, for example? This is what I'm talking about.

 

**** tradition. I thought this gawd-forsaken society was beyond the gender wars and gender roles 20 years ago.

 

If you were to look at a guy and thing "oh, maybe he looks really cute and I like him", but he doesn't notice you. Under your thought process, he is immediately eliminated without even giving him any shot whatsoever.

 

So, why can't it be YOU that takes the chance?

Edited September 12, 2010 by Raderick

[jamesum]

**** tradition. I thought this gawd-forsaken society was beyond the gender wars and gender roles 20 years ago.

 

If you were to look at a guy and thing "oh, maybe he looks really cute and I like him", but he doesn't notice you. Under your thought process, he is immediately eliminated without even giving him any shot whatsoever.

 

So, why can't it be YOU that takes the chance?

Calm down brotha.

[GooseChaser]

**** tradition. I thought this gawd-forsaken society was beyond the gender wars and gender roles 20 years ago.

 

If you were to look at a guy and thing "oh, maybe he looks really cute and I like him", but he doesn't notice you. Under your thought process, he is immediately eliminated without even giving him any shot whatsoever.

 

So, why can't it be YOU that takes the chance?

Tradition and gender roles are alive and well, though shifting over time as the generations go on. If you want someone less "traditional", you can always decide to seek that out in a woman.

 

Sure, I could give it a chance if I really wanted to, but unless we've at least talked and had a good conversation or two, I might not have a ton of motivation to do so. What would be helpful is if I saw that a person was interested in me like I was in them, just as a bit of encouragement; I would like that just as much as a man would, and it would make approaching him that way easier.

[jamesum]

The thing about waiting is that you dont have that many choices. You can only pick the ones that come to you.

 

Im a guy and personally I often wait because I fear rejections.

 

However, its hard for me to just wait while there is a beautiful girl I like and she doesnt notice me. In such a case usually my head tells me to wait but my heart tells me to take the chances. :o

[GooseChaser]

The thing about waiting is that you dont have that many choices. You can only pick the ones that come to you.

 

Im a guy and personally I often wait because I fear rejections.

 

However, its hard for me to just wait while there is a beautiful girl I like and she doesnt notice me. In such a case usually my head tells me to wait but my heart tells me to take the chances. :o

Aww. That's nice.

[EasyHeart]

The thing about waiting is that you dont have that many choices. You can only pick the ones that come to you.

 

Im a guy and personally I often wait because I fear rejections.

 

However, its hard for me to just wait while there is a beautiful girl I like and she doesnt notice me. In such a case usually my head tells me to wait but my heart tells me to take the chances. :o

You need to cure yourself of this kind of thinking. If she doesn't notice you, you need to take a chance in order to get noticed. Sure, she might reject you, but so what? Rejection never killed anyone and it gets easier and easier each time you survive. If you don't take a chance and talk to her, then you are effectively being rejected, because you don't have any chance of being with her.

[jamesum]

Yeah I know, but I wonder about women though. Dont they feel like they have limited choices by only waiting? I mean a lot of women end up with guys who beat them everyday just because those guys are the only ones who come to them. Its pretty sad.

 

I notice tho that assertive women tend to get better partners. Maybe its coz the guys respect them because they are scared. I dont know. LOL

Edited September 13, 2010 by jamesum

[GooseChaser]

Yeah I know, but I wonder about women though. Dont they feel like they have limited choices by only waiting? I mean a lot of women end up with guys who beat them everyday just because those guys are the only ones who come to them. Its pretty sad.

 

I notice tho that assertive women tend to get better partners. Maybe its coz the guys respect them because they are scared. I dont know. LOL

The assertive women probably go for what they want, the men (who are probably quality for the assertive woman to be chasing them) find that and other things about them attractive, and so they find chemistry together.

 

If a woman waits, chances are good that a guy who does go after them will be assertive. By doing that, they will also show that they are interested in the woman. In my case, it's a way to save energy so I don't waste my emotions on some guy who couldn't care less about me.

[jamesum]

The assertive women probably go for what they want, the men (who are probably quality for the assertive woman to be chasing them) find that and other things about them attractive, and so they find chemistry together.

 

If a woman waits, chances are good that a guy who does go after them will be assertive. By doing that, they will also show that they are interested in the woman. In my case, it's a way to save energy so I don't waste my emotions on some guy who couldn't care less about me.

You know, when someone approaches you, chances are that person is indeed interested in you. However, I think its naive to assume that the interest must be positive.

 

Now you can minimize the chance of picking a person who has the wrong interests in you by filtering out the choices that come to you. But, what if none of the choices you get is appealing to you? Are you just gonna settle for a wife-beater because all of them are?

 

Thats exactly what happens with those women whose partners treat them like crap. They knew from the beginning that they were not the best choices. However, they thought that they were the best out of the choices they got to choose from and felt that they didnt deserve anyone better.

Edited September 13, 2010 by jamesum

[GooseChaser]

You know, when someone approaches you, chances are that person is indeed interested in you. However, I think its naive to assume that the interest must be positive.

 

Now you can minimize the chance of picking a person who has the wrong interests in you by filtering out the choices that come to you. But, what if none of the choices you get is appealing to you? Are you just gonna settle for a wife-beater because all of them are?

 

Thats exactly what happens with those women whose partners treat them like crap. They knew from the beginning that they were not the best choices. However, they thought that they were the best out of the choices they got to choose from and felt that they didnt deserve anyone better.

 

Whoa. First off, if someone is always attracting nothing but predatory guys, something is very wrong that needs to be addressed. Emotionally healthy women attract healthy men, and in the same way, emotionally unhealthy women often attract unhealthy men. If someone observes that ALL of the men that approach them are bad eggs, they have some soul searching to do. They need to get to the root of the problem. Do they have low self-esteem or self-confidence? Do they dismiss the good guys as "boring" and like the "bad boys" that aren't good for them?

 

Other than that, people should use their best judgment to determine that the attention they get is indeed positive. It usually wouldn't be hard to tell the difference.

 

If NONE of the choices they get are appealing to them, there is often something they can do about it. They can pick better places to hang out where a better quality of guy would like to go. For example, they could stay away from bars and clubs, and instead begin to frequent places such as libraries, museums, educational locations, bookstores, religious establishments if applicable, parks, and gyms. A person could also pursue hobbies and join a group in the hopes of meeting someone there with similar interests-- for example, a hiking group or swimming club.

 

Finally, if no good guys approach a woman, she can always decide to be proactive, take chances, and approach men herself. No one should give up and settle for someone who isn't good for them. It's better to just stay single than be in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship.

Edited September 13, 2010 by GooseChaser

[jamesum]

Whoa. First off, if someone is always attracting nothing but predatory guys, something is very wrong that needs to be addressed. Emotionally healthy women attract healthy men, and in the same way, emotionally unhealthy women often attract unhealthy men. If someone observes that ALL of the men that approach them are bad eggs, they have some soul searching to do. They need to get to the root of the problem. Do they have low self-esteem or self-confidence? Do they dismiss the good guys as "boring" and like the "bad boys" that aren't good for them?

 

Other than that, people should use their best judgment to determine that the attention they get is indeed positive. It usually wouldn't be hard to tell the difference.

 

If NONE of the choices they get are appealing to them, there is often something they can do about it. They can pick better places to hang out where a better quality of guy would like to go. For example, they could stay away from bars and clubs, and instead begin to frequent places such as libraries, museums, educational locations, bookstores, religious establishments if applicable, parks, and gyms. A person could also pursue hobbies and join a group in the hopes of meeting someone there with similar interests-- for example, a hiking group or swimming club.

 

Finally, if no good guys approach a woman, she can always decide to be proactive, take chances, and approach men herself. No one should give up and settle for someone who isn't good for them. It's better to just stay single than be in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship.

Thats exactly my whole point which is that people should not be so idealistic and limit themselves to one method of finding someone.

[GooseChaser]

Thats exactly my whole point which is that people should not be so idealistic and limit themselves to one method of finding someone.

I see your point, and I think it is a good one.

 

Look, I'm not representative of the entire female gender. You know that. Every woman is different. Myself, I am fairly young (21), and haven't had a lot of experience with men at this point in my life, so I am a bit shy around them. That makes sense, doesn't it? For me, then, it might be a bit easier for me to wait for a man to approach me if he is interested. Men my age may also be less confident than their older counterparts, and be a little shy themselves. Of course, that doesn't stop me from keeping my eyes open for guys who might be noticing me. The thing is, I can see if no one is really noticing me, and if I am fairly sure no one is at least crushing on me, I save myself the trouble and just embrace the single life and decide not to form crushes pointlessly. If I am interested in a man, I can always approach him and try to have good conversations with him. Doing that, I can try to measure his possible interest level in me and take action from there, either going on to flirt or backing off.

 

There are a variety of personalities women can have. Women throughout history have often been passive, while men are seen as the ones of action. Some will have a personality that leads them to prefer waiting for a man to come to them. That doesn't prevent them from being the chasers, but it is their preference to wait. That is their right, but it may limit their choices. In the same way, others will be more proactive, confident, and assertive, and seek out their man first themselves. It depends on the person. It's like making friends. Some people are social and make friends effortlessly, and some people are more introverted and prefer to keep to themselves mostly, limiting themselves to a few close friends. See what I mean?

 

A woman can also change over time. For example, as men or women get older, they may gain more self-confidence and find it easier to approach people they're interested in. Hopefully that will happen in the future for me as well.

Edited September 14, 2010 by GooseChaser

[EasyHeart]

Also, be careful what you wish for. It's a myth (or a fantasy) that all women are passive and desperately waiting for men to approach them. I've had plenty of women approach me and ask me out, but it's rarely been any woman that I want approaching me.

 

Young, attractive women wait for men to approach them because they can afford to wait -- they get plenty of male attention. And it's also not true that women are passive. Most single women are active in their own way -- flirting, eye-contact, smiling -- that signals that they want you to approach them.

 

Also, I think at a real primal level, women want men to approach them simply as a filter -- anyone who isn't confident enough to risk rejection isn't strong enough to be a potential boyfriend.

[jamesum]

I see your point, and I think it is a good one.

 

Look, I'm not representative of the entire female gender. You know that. Every woman is different. Myself, I am fairly young (21), and haven't had a lot of experience with men at this point in my life, so I am a bit shy around them. That makes sense, doesn't it? For me, then, it might be a bit easier for me to wait for a man to approach me if he is interested. Men my age may also be less confident than their older counterparts, and be a little shy themselves. Of course, that doesn't stop me from keeping my eyes open for guys who might be noticing me. The thing is, I can see if no one is really noticing me, and if I am fairly sure no one is at least crushing on me, I save myself the trouble and just embrace the single life and decide not to form crushes pointlessly. If I am interested in a man, I can always approach him and try to have good conversations with him. Doing that, I can try to measure his possible interest level in me and take action from there, either going on to flirt or backing off.

 

There are a variety of personalities women can have. Women throughout history have often been passive, while men are seen as the ones of action. Some will have a personality that leads them to prefer waiting for a man to come to them. That doesn't prevent them from being the chasers, but it is their preference to wait. That is their right, but it may limit their choices. In the same way, others will be more proactive, confident, and assertive, and seek out their man first themselves. It depends on the person. It's like making friends. Some people are social and make friends effortlessly, and some people are more introverted and prefer to keep to themselves mostly, limiting themselves to a few close friends. See what I mean?

 

A woman can also change over time. For example, as men or women get older, they may gain more self-confidence and find it easier to approach people they're interested in. Hopefully that will happen in the future for me as well.

Waiting is one valid method of dating and as long as it has been working out great for you then good for you. However, all Im saying is that there are people who are so idealistic due to what I dont know (too much ego/ massive self-esteem issue maybe?) who will only stick with one method and one method only even if it is not working out and complain that their dating life is terrible.

 

Also, be careful what you wish for. It's a myth (or a fantasy) that all women are passive and desperately waiting for men to approach them. I've had plenty of women approach me and ask me out, but it's rarely been any woman that I want approaching me.

Be careful for what? A girl introduced herself to me at school today. I cant say that she was exactly my type although she looked okay, but I fail to see anything bad about the whole thing.

[GooseChaser]

Also, be careful what you wish for. It's a myth (or a fantasy) that all women are passive and desperately waiting for men to approach them. I've had plenty of women approach me and ask me out, but it's rarely been any woman that I want approaching me.

 

Young, attractive women wait for men to approach them because they can afford to wait -- they get plenty of male attention. And it's also not true that women are passive. Most single women are active in their own way -- flirting, eye-contact, smiling -- that signals that they want you to approach them.

 

Also, I think at a real primal level, women want men to approach them simply as a filter -- anyone who isn't confident enough to risk rejection isn't strong enough to be a potential boyfriend.

To add to your reasons for why women are able to wait, which I agree with, we also have plenty of time to find a good man, and we are able to be patient and wait to meet that special guy.

 

Eye contact IS in fact one of the things I look for when looking to see if anyone around me might be interested. Flirting and smiling are also signs we can use to telegraph that we are available, yes.

 

Also, about the bolded part-- YES. Agreed!

[GooseChaser]

Waiting is one valid method of dating and as long as it has been working out great for you then good for you. However, all Im saying is that there are people who are so idealistic due to what I dont know (too much ego/ massive self-esteem issue maybe?) who will only stick with one method and one method only even if it is not working out and complain that their dating life is terrible.

Well, that's their problem, eh?

[EasyHeart]

To add to your reasons for why women are able to wait, which I agree with, we also have plenty of time to find a good man, and we are able to be patient and wait to meet that special guy.

It may also explain why women tend to get much more aggressive when they hit their 30s. . . .

[dreamergypsy]

So what is the best way for women to be more approachable?

 

Last night, I was at the store and a cute guy looked straight at me, smiled big and followed me around a bit. He stared at me the whole time.

 

I stopped, smiled back at him several times, and gave him an opening by mentioning the store had been moved around....but no bite....so I walked away....hmmm

 

Do I have to hit a guy over the head? I felt like I was being fairly obvious about my interest.

 

I do get approached quite often, and always appreciate the guys who show their interest. I will give them a green light. The smarter guys can figure that out...but I know there are lots of shy guys who deserve a chance, too...

[GooseChaser]

It may also explain why women tend to get much more aggressive when they hit their 30s. . . .

Yes, in a way. Though women don't have to find a man by that age, women who want a family and children know that the 20s and 30s are among the best ages to give birth to healthy babies.

[waynebrady]

So what is the best way for women to be more approachable?

 

Last night, I was at the store and a cute guy looked straight at me, smiled big and followed me around a bit. He stared at me the whole time.

 

I stopped, smiled back at him several times, and gave him an opening by mentioning the store had been moved around....but no bite....so I walked away....hmmm

 

Do I have to hit a guy over the head? I felt like I was being fairly obvious about my interest.

 

I do get approached quite often, and always appreciate the guys who show their interest. I will give them a green light. The smarter guys can figure that out...but I know there are lots of shy guys who deserve a chance, too...

 

Instead of giving signals/hints green light etc etc to guys to approach you maybe you should have made a move on that guy if you liked him.

 

Women often think they are being obvious when infact they are very subtle. If you was being obvious then you would have made your intrest clear, which you didn't.