Mad Max Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I can do that. Thanks for the tip! Another thing is that we have to be a bit distant and cautious at first when entering a dating relationship, because we have to avoid coming on too strongly or seeming desperate. Making the first move isn't desperate, otherwise most men would be desperate.
jamesum Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 But that isn't how it is. In this world there are plenty of men willing to make the approach toward a woman, so there is no issue. Men and women have different roles, and men often become the chasers. Women can chase too, but men often dominate that role, so it becomes less essential for a woman to do it. She can just wait for an interested guy to introduce himself. Then she can think about if she likes him or not, and act accordingly. That's all there is to it. Guys, do you see where I'm coming from? Do you have any suggestions for us women? How can we make it easier for you, besides becoming the chasers? I dont need a woman to chase me. Nothing is more of turn-off for me than someone (man or woman) who cant take a hint that the other person is uninterested. All I need is clear signals that a girl has interest in me such as giving me extra attention by talking to me more or flirt with me. Once I realize that she clearly has selected me, I will then start to chase her and do the rest of the work including asking her out.
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 I can do that. Thanks for the tip! Another thing is that we have to be a bit distant and cautious at first when entering a dating relationship, because we have to avoid coming on too strongly or seeming desperate. If a man is intrested in you he won't think you are desperate if you initiate dates or call him from time to time lol. I think women only use it as an excuse so you don't have to put in any effort. Come on, If you where dating a guy who was really intrested in you he would only be happy if you called him to set up a date for example!
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) I dont need a woman to chase me. Nothing is more of turn-off for me than someone (man or woman) who cant take a hint that the other person is uninterested. All I need is clear signals that a girl has interest in me such as giving me extra attention by talking to me more or flirt with me. Once I realize that she clearly has selected me, I will then start to chase her and do the rest of the work including asking her out. Exactly! See, here is another example of a reason why we often let the guy approach and chase! Sometimes it will turn a guy off if we do the chasing, so we let them do it (if they enjoy it). After the approach and the initial chase, if the woman is interested, hopefully she will start to show interest in her own ways and give effort of her own. Edited September 11, 2010 by GooseChaser
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 How is the guy supposed to know that the woman really is intrested if he is the one doing all the chasing and initiating every date/phone call/text etc etc? The guy will be able to tell that she is interested because she will show clearly that she enjoys going on the dates with him and spending time with him. If you're observant on the dates, it's easy to tell if she likes you and enjoys it. That is a green light to ask her to future dates. She always has the option of asking him out too. If it bothers a guy that she never asks him out, he can always bring that up to her. I'm sure she'd listen and understand that, and maybe take action about it.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Again, if she is interested, she will start to put in effort. Maybe the guy will put in the majority of the work at first, but if it goes on like that for a long time, that can be a valid concern. Eventually she should start putting in work too. If she doesn't, maybe you're better off finding another woman!
jamesum Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Exactly! See, here is another example of a reason why we often let the guy approach! Approaching and chasing are two hugely different things. Most women dont seem to understand the difference between the two. Approaching/Initiating (making initial contact) is the key for anyone both men and women to find someone. However, chasing is much trickier. Unless done right, it can potentially make the person loses value/seem desperate. Women should approach/initiate to increase their dating success. However, they shouldnt chase. Personally, I would like it for women to make the initial contacts and I will do the chasing. For me its 50/50 effort. Its fair. What I find a problem is when a woman expects men to do both phases. For me thats what I call entitlement. No effort at all. Its like saying, "Im a princess like my mom and Disney cartoons told me. I deserve to only wait in the tower and expect my knight to come to me and slay the dragon for me and sweep me off my feet." Edited September 11, 2010 by jamesum
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Approaching and chasing are two hugely different things. Most women dont seem to understand the difference between the two. Approaching/Initiating (making initial contact) is the key for anyone both men and women to find someone. However, chasing is much trickier. Unless done right, it can potentially make the person loses value/seem desperate. Women should approach/initiate to increase their dating success. However, they shouldnt chase. Personally, I would like it for women to make the initial contacts and I will do the chasing. For me its 50/50 effort. Its fair. What I find a problem is when a woman expects men to do both phases. For me thats what I call entitlement. No effort at all. That makes sense. Thanks for the thoughts! All of this is very thought-provoking, and it's good. Maybe that's what I meant. I mean, sure, I meet men all the time just day-to-day, and doing that, I try to evaluate if they show interest at all. Often, I'll judge that they aren't interested. If I do notice someone who does seem like they might be interested but they haven't said expressly, I'll make a note of it in my head, and maybe try to find chances to talk with them and see if anything happens. I mean, for anything to work, the two have to at least know the other exists. Hehe. Personally, I would like it for women to make the initial contacts and I will do the chasing. For me its 50/50 effort. Its fair. I think you have a good point there. Well said.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Well, guys, how about the topic question? "Do you like the 'chase'?" I think we're skirting around that a bit. Edited September 11, 2010 by GooseChaser
Mad Max Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Well, guys, how about the topic question? "Do you like the 'chase'? I think we're skirting around that a bit. Chasing, no. I have better things to do than chase someone like a dog. I have no problem being approached and asked out, but chasing and approaching are completely different.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 What would you guys define as "chasing?" Is chasing separate from dating? Maybe that's an important question to ask too, while we're at it.
Mad Max Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 What would you guys define as "chasing?" Is chasing separate from dating? Maybe that's an important question to ask too, while we're at it. Chasing is constantly pursuing someone. To me, it's desperate regardless of gender. If I initiate a move, I initiate only 1 move. The ball is in her court. I'm not going to constantly pursue someone. I have better things to do.
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Men and women have different roles, and men often become the chasers. Ok, women's traditional role is to stay at home take care of the kids, do the house chores, cook for the man etc etc. That is if we gonna go with the whole "men and women have different roles" logic lol Or do you only want men and women do have different roles when it favors you as a woman?
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Chasing is constantly pursuing someone. To me, it's desperate regardless of gender. If I initiate a move, I initiate only 1 move. The ball is in her court. I'm not going to constantly pursue someone. I have better things to do. Ohh, I see. Thank you for clearing that up for me. I see why guys here bring up feeling that the situation can become lopsided if they chase too much with little reciprocation from the woman, then. It's understandable. I think it's just a person's job to make sure that they're happy in their relationships and talk to the other person if they have concerns, like if they want the other person to set up dates too and stuff.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 Ok, women's traditional role is to stay at home take care of the kids, do the house chores, cook for the man etc etc. That is if we gonna go with the whole "men and women have different roles" logic lol Or do you only want men and women do have different roles when it favors you as a woman? Well, we're talking about dating right now, not marriage. But yes, men and women often do have different roles they play. How they hand out who takes care of what roles, such as taking care of kids (again, marriage, not dating), cooking, chores, and so on is figured out between the two and is different for every relationship or marriage. Today men and women are starting to share roles more often. Women are entering the workforce and gaining higher positions, and men often will share responsibility for chores and cooking. One or both can be the primary caretaker of the children; hopefully both are there for the kids as much as possible. So yes, men and women do have roles. Who said I "only want men and women to have different roles when it favors [me]"? No way! I'm just telling you guys my viewpoints, that's all. I hope they're reasonable.
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Ohh, I see. Thank you for clearing that up for me. I see why guys here bring up feeling that the situation can become lopsided if they chase too much with little reciprocation from the woman, then. It's understandable. I think it's just a person's job to make sure that they're happy in their relationships and talk to the other person if they have concerns, like if they want the other person to set up dates too and stuff. A man shouldn't have to tell the woman he is dating that he'd like for her to set up dates and initiate contact more often. Otherwise how is the guy gonna know she actually wants to do it and not just doing it because he likes it? What's the point in the woman initiating dates and phone calls if I told her to do it? I mean it takes away the whole point... She should just do it when she wants, not because I want it.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 A man shouldn't have to tell the woman he is dating that he'd like for her to set up dates and initiate contact more often. Otherwise how is the guy gonna know she actually wants to do it and not just doing it because he likes it? What's the point in the woman initiating dates and phone calls if I told her to do it? I mean it takes away the whole point... She should just do it when she wants, not because I want it. Well, wait, communication is very important in a relationship. If he wants her to set up more dates, he should tell her so. Neither men nor women are mind-readers. Also, if she is told what you want, she can more effectively give it to you.
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Well, we're talking about dating right now, not marriage. But yes, men and women often do have different roles they play. How they hand out who takes care of what roles, such as taking care of kids (again, marriage, not dating), cooking, chores, and so on is figured out between the two and is different for every relationship or marriage. Today men and women are starting to share roles more often. Women are entering the workforce and gaining higher positions, and men often will share responsibility for chores and cooking. One or both can be the primary caretaker of the children; hopefully both are there for the kids as much as possible. So yes, men and women do have roles. Who said I "only want men and women to have different roles when it favors [me]"? No way! I'm just telling you guys my viewpoints, that's all. I hope they're reasonable. Yes but one thing that will never change is that the man will always have to be the one who makes all the moves and takes all the initiatives when dating. And that favors you as a woman. Basicly when it comes to dating, women want to be all traditional and let the man be the "pursuer" but then in marriage they do not want to be traditional at all. Lol, see my point?
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Well, wait, communication is very important in a relationship. If he wants her to set up more dates, he should tell her so. Neither men nor women are mind-readers. Also, if she is told what you want, she can more effectively give it to you. If I have to tell her to call me or initiate dates then it's no point because if she really wanted to do it I wouldn't have to tell her to do it. You know she is not doing it because she likes it, she is only doing it because I like it. So it takes out the whole enjoyment from it if I basicly have to ask her for stuff like that.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 If I have to tell her to call me or initiate dates then it's no point because if she really wanted to do it I wouldn't have to tell her to do it. You know she is not doing it because she likes it, she is only doing it because I like it. So it takes out the whole enjoyment from it if I basicly have to ask her for stuff like that. Well, you have two choices in that case: you can break it off with her and find someone else who is more proactive, or you can just tell her. You don't have to see it as a negative that she is doing something just because you like it. If you ask her to do something and she acquiesces, she is being giving, and showing that she cares! Where's the harm in that? For example, don't men often have more enthusiasm and a stronger drive regarding sex? Wouldn't you want to request more opportunities if she didn't have the need to do it as much. If she was told that you wanted it more, she could decide that she was willing to do that for you, be giving, and care for your desires. In that case, you would gain something. Wouldn't that be a good thing? Don't be afraid to communicate your needs to her. She would probably even appreciate your honesty, forthcomingness, and trust.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 (edited) Yes but one thing that will never change is that the man will always have to be the one who makes all the moves and takes all the initiatives when dating. And that favors you as a woman. Basicly when it comes to dating, women want to be all traditional and let the man be the "pursuer" but then in marriage they do not want to be traditional at all. Lol, see my point? Well, the couple decides between themselves who does what in the relationship. It's not a big deal. Sure, roles are changing, some women are becoming less passive, and in the same way, perhaps more women will approach men. That's a possibility. Edited September 11, 2010 by GooseChaser
Author waynebrady Posted September 11, 2010 Author Posted September 11, 2010 Well, you have two choices in that case: you can break it off with her and find someone else who is more proactive, or you can just tell her. You don't have to see it as a negative that she is doing something just because you like it. If you ask her to do something and she acquiesces, she is being giving, and showing that she cares! Where's the harm in that? For example, don't men often have more enthusiasm and a stronger drive regarding sex? Wouldn't you want to request more opportunities if she didn't have the need to do it as much. If she was told that you wanted it more, she could decide that she was willing to do that for you, be giving, and care for your desires. In that case, you would gain something. Wouldn't that be a good thing? Don't be afraid to communicate your needs to her. She would probably even appreciate your honesty, forthcomingness, and trust. I would never ever do anything like that. If she doesn't want sex then she should not have to have sex with me just to make me happy. It would take out the whole enjoyment for me if I knew that she didn't enjoy it and was only doing it for me. That would be a horrible feeling.
GooseChaser Posted September 11, 2010 Posted September 11, 2010 I would never ever do anything like that. If she doesn't want sex then she should not have to have sex with me just to make me happy. It would take out the whole enjoyment for me if I knew that she didn't enjoy it and was only doing it for me. That would be a horrible feeling. But what if she enjoyed sex as much as you did, just didn't need to have it as much? If you really wanted to have sex more, and she would be fine with and enjoy doing it more if that's what you wanted, then it would help to communicate that to her. Just because something's asked of her doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy it too.
Author waynebrady Posted September 12, 2010 Author Posted September 12, 2010 But what if she enjoyed sex as much as you did, just didn't need to have it as much? If you really wanted to have sex more, and she would be fine with and enjoy doing it more if that's what you wanted, then it would help to communicate that to her. Just because something's asked of her doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy it too. Women in general have a low sex drive. And I respect that. Once a month is enough for me, I'll take care of myself all the other times instead of bothering her about sex.
GooseChaser Posted September 12, 2010 Posted September 12, 2010 Women in general have a low sex drive. And I respect that. Once a month is enough for me, I'll take care of myself all the other times instead of bothering her about sex. Sounds fine to me. You just go for it when she clearly wants it as much as you?
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