Do all people with options have casual sex?

[alphamale]

The question is, if an individual has options(male or female), do they have casual sex?

of course they do

[dispatch3d]

Bingo. Absolutely. I suspect you yourself are in the top 10% and don't realize it. I have been on both sides at various points in my life, and when I have been at my best in the standard criteria, they come out of everywhere seeking me out for sex. And I'm nowhere near as good at conducting this kind of thing as my friends. I don't seek it out actually, and prefer monogamy.

 

When you are male and in the top 5-10%, you learn what it means to "be as an average woman" as far as romantic and sexual opportunities go. You have to beat them off with a stick AND you get to hear about the guys they are dating at the time, almost always portrayed negatively. At that point, you wake up, and truth will set you free. Women are just as randy as men, and combine that with greater opportunities and you come to the conclusion that most of them are having sex with someone when you meet them, and will continue having sex with that dude or dudes until the new relationship is firmly established. I've been every type of male in this scenario many times in life, and bet you have also whether you realized it at the time or not.

 

Though the link to the PUA site posted earlier seemed to be written by Beavis or Butthead, there is actually lots of truth to it, though I wouldn't categorize it as some "secret society," just the state of affairs where modern sexual habits are concerned.

 

For the rest of the guys? especially below ~70%, Nada. This is the whole raison d etre of the PUA community, average men do not have an "average" amount of opportunities.

 

 

 

Straw man.

 

 

 

Poster claims that women rarely terminate a relationship until the new "branch" is firm. You gender neutralize that poster's statement. I respond that whereas women get approached and offered opportunities for the next "branch" innately without proactive effort that would endanger their existing relationship, men generally have to proactively seek out the next branch, usually endangering the existing relationship to do so. Apples oranges, and I stand by that.

 

Yeah the guy who wrote that article (Tyler Durden by alias) is the main villain in neil strauss' "The Game". He comes off as a pretty huge douchebag/alphamale. One of the things he did after being in the game some time, was realize that alpha europeans would often amp up girls attraction/passion/whatever. At this point they were ripe for stealing. He'd just go in and tool the **** out of them until they left, then take the girl home. He also prefers to have guys stay in "set" because he can complete eclipse them/tool them if need be (he can also just make them leave if he needs).

 

Anyhow, yeah he isn't a very nice person. To be an mPua doesn't really require you to be a cool guy. MOST of them are, but there are a couple guys who come off pretty bad/dickheaded/mean spirited and he's one of them (the other guy being mrsex4unyc, who is just more against my definition of "morals").

 

I think that's the problem with taking PUA advice. Before you are definitely in the "mad max" boat of you'll never in a million years get random meaningless sex. And then you start doing stuff the guys who get sex when they want it how they want it do. Women don't know how to categorize you. You probably come off kinda weird too. Oh well.

 

TBH it seems like I'm getting closer and closer to that 5%ile all the time. I do get offered random (very bad idea) hookups which I completely avoid. Like sleeping with a good girl-friend of mine who has a boyfriend type deal.

[tigressA]

The ones that have options constantly use me. They use me as a backup while they are pursuing the hot males.

 

I'll be 40 soon and haven't kissed anyone. It's one rejection after the next. Damn right I am bitter. I don't think I'll ever be kissed because most women want men with lots of experience. If I tell someone about my past, she probably will start crying, say what a nice guy I am and run away.

 

I know you find guys like me the worst of the worst, but don't think I'm impressed with someone who finds kissing meaningless.

 

You may as well give up on finding anyone altogether with all your bitterness toward women.

 

I don't find inexperienced guys "the worst of the worst" whatsoever. I find very bitter guys the worst of the worst. So yeah, I'd smell that attitude on you from a mile away and wouldn't come any closer.

 

Just because I find kissing multiple people fun doesn't mean I think of it as meaningless. It's easy for me to feel an intense attraction toward more than one person at a time and want to kiss them. Why not kiss whenever you feel the urge?

[ColdFox]

I have slept with only one person in the past three years, and he was someone I was dating. We weren't dating very long, but we were dating. I have always had plenty of options.

 

Before I was married, I never had any "friends with benefits" either, I always either had a boyfriend or went for long periods when I was single and concentrating on my life's work.

[Chubbi]

I agree with Mad Max and Gamma. I think it is disrespectful to be having sex with one partner and then going out on dates with another. Seems to me like that person doesn't value sex or relationships highly.

 

Also, you don't necessarily have to be attractive to have casual sex. Many of the girls of my campus have casual hook-ups and I wouldn't describe all of them as above a 5. I think you just have to find someone horny enough with you, which isn't that hard.

Edited September 3, 2010 by Chubbi

[Mad Max]

I agree with Mad Max and Gamma. I think it is disrespectful to be having sex with one partner and then going out on dates with another. Seems to me like that person doesn't value sex or relationships highly.

 

Also, you don't necessarily have to be attractive to have casual sex. Many of the girls of my campus have casual hook-ups and I wouldn't describe all of them as above a 5. I think you just have to find someone horny enough with you, which isn't that hard.

 

 

It's a b*tch move and she felt pretty stupid when caught. I would have stopped seeing her regardless, but I at least would have had respect for her if she was upfront about it. Instead, she failed to mention it, it got back to me, and she went apesh*t.

 

 

Basically, as long as you're average looking, you can hook up. It's not for everyone though.

[InceptorsRule]

I have slept with only one person in the past three years, and he was someone I was dating. We weren't dating very long, but we were dating. I have always had plenty of options.

 

Before I was married, I never had any "friends with benefits" either, I always either had a boyfriend or went for long periods when I was single and concentrating on my life's work.

 

Now this here sounds like a good woman.

[EasyHeart]

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating or kissing more than one person. I do that all the time. But for me there is a big leap between kissing and sex. In emotionally healthy people, sex involves a great deal more intimacy (and usually commitment) than kissing.

 

I generally assume any woman I'm interested in will have other options. I don't mind a little competition; I'm going to win. What I don't approve of is lying in any way, shape or form.

 

When I meet a woman I'm interested in, I'll obviously try to find out quickly if she's available, and I expect her to tell the truth. And usually on one of our first few dates I'll delve a little deeper into the topic, and I'll ask her if she's seeing anyone else (and tell her if I am) so that we both know the situation. And I think it's the duty of both people to be totally honest at that point and not play word games. So, for instance, if I ask a woman if she's seeing any other guys, I don't expect her to think "Well, I'm banging that guy at the office every Tuesday at lunch, and I went home with that dude from the bar two days ago, and I'm hooking up with my Ex next week, but I'm not technically 'seeing' them," and then tell me "No, I'm not seeing anyone right now." That's bullsh*t.

[Eeyore79]

if you're just in the early stages of dating where she feels you haven't gotten that serious yet (it's not really how you feel about the relationship in this case, but how she feels) then there is nothing wrong with dating another man at the same time, and if she's been dating him for awhile there is nothing wrong with sleeping with him, that isn't casual sex that's just dating two guys at the same time without having figured out which one she wants to be serious with.

 

It certainly sounds like casual sex to me, because she's having sex with a man who she isn't serious with.

 

I really don't understand how people can do stuff like that, because to me, if a relationship is sexual then by definition it is serious. I certainly wouldn't want someone dating me while having sex with someone else - it's disrespectful imo. In fact, I wouldn't even want someone multi-dating while they were dating me - how hard is it to focus solely on me for a few weeks until you decide if you want in or out?

 

The only way multi-dating seems acceptable to me is if it's merely friendship and there's no kissing or getting physical. The idea of kissing (or even worse, having sex with) more than one person at the same time is just gross, and to me it seems disrespectful to everyone involved and devalues the specialness of physical contact within a serious exclusive relationship.

[Mad Max]

It certainly sounds like casual sex to me, because she's having sex with a man who she isn't serious with.

 

I really don't understand how people can do stuff like that, because to me, if a relationship is sexual then by definition it is serious. I certainly wouldn't want someone dating me while having sex with someone else - it's disrespectful imo. In fact, I wouldn't even want someone multi-dating while they were dating me - how hard is it to focus solely on me for a few weeks until you decide if you want in or out?

 

The only way multi-dating seems acceptable to me is if it's merely friendship and there's no kissing or getting physical. The idea of kissing (or even worse, having sex with) more than one person at the same time is just gross, and to me it seems disrespectful to everyone involved and devalues the specialness of physical contact within a serious exclusive relationship.

 

 

That's my point. It's disrespectful and it's even worse that it was hidden. No guy with half a brain is going to pay for a date if she's going to suck off someone else when the date is over.

[Sanman]

That's my point. It's disrespectful and it's even worse that it was hidden. No guy with half a brain is going to pay for a date if she's going to suck off someone else when the date is over.

 

That knowledge really makes you want to kiss her the next time you see her too!

 

I love how OP gets criticized, but she doesn't even if she is serious enough with the other guy to be sleeping with him.

 

I understand where you are coming from Max as I am the same way. I have no problem dating multiple people or having others do so prior to sex. If it were only up to me I would date one person at a time. However, that is not how the world works and, unfortunately, leaves you to being used.

 

I recently started seeing a woman who wanted an exclusive sexual relationship, but wasn't ready to call me her bf yet. Fine, I like her so I agreed. I let her know that I wanted an exclusive relationship, but would be dating a few others till that was agreed to. Since then, she has been much more appreciative of the guy she can lose (has options) compared to the guy she thought was only seeing her. While I don't like the game, I have learned that you have to outplay them if you want that exclusivity. Otherwise, they have no motivation to stop seeing others as well. I don't feel all that comfortable seeing other women at this point, but I realize that if I like any of them enough to have sex then I will have to break it off with her regardless if she cannot make a decision. If nothing else, she will be a good future fwb if another relationship doesn't work out. I guess this is what it is like to play the game like a woman.

[abouttoloseit]

My last gf, now ex, when asked "Since we've been dating(3 months), have you been/slept with anyone else?" Hopeing that no was the answer, she gave me a long pause with a slight grin. I understand the theory behind 'until exclusive he/she can do what she wants' but I don't think it's that black and white. I felt very crappy when she didn't answer.

 

I really liked her, from pretty much the 1st time we met. I was offered a couple of dates from others while with her but I turned them down, as I felt/feel while Im with one, she deserves my attention. I at least feel I should get that back.

 

You must be very lucky to have the "gift" that enables you to get many dates. So many, it becomes the "norm". I can see that going on multi dates can build your ego and confidence. You have the "option" of having many dates to choose from. In my experience, not many will agree, the people born with "fortunate" looks tend to have lots of dates. There are no rules in life that says you can't multidate.

 

The longest it took for me to realise I didn't like somebody through dates was 4. Before that though I can usually tell. Now I personally think that a girl should get my full attention without it being shared elsewhere via other dates or FB/FWB's...I mean come on, its only a few evenings ffs! Date as many as you want, but just one at a time! But should the time come when girls are throwing themselves at me (at which point I would glady run around my town naked and jump for joy), I would probably....mayyyybe have to re-evaluate. But I mean, only if they were coming up to me, everyday asking for a date. But thats not going to happen :oP

 

If I had to opportunity to date more than one girl at a time and I did, I doubt there were be much in the ways of kissing happening. At which point, I'd probably focus on the girl I really liked and ask her if she was extending the same courtesy regards multidating...

 

 

A story...

 

A girl who was very attractive, dated my best friend. They kissed the 1st night they met, stayed over at my then gf's house together (no sex tho) and went a 1st date. They planned for a second date. During this time, she went on different date with some guy. Ended up kissing him and staying at his house. Meanwhile, I have to sit and watch my friend become very happy that he dating this girl...while she tongues some other dude.

 

I didn't feel very comfortable with this, and I told him. I think it was quite cheap what she did. I don't think there is any decency in that but that is just me. But...there are no rules in life. 8 months on, my best friend is happily over the moon with his now current girlfriend, whom I also think is amazing, they fit perfectly. The girl he dated beforehand, is still single, and chasing all the boys over town. And probably very lonely. Or having lots of fun...but not from what I've heard lol.

[bac]

Seems that many of the male posters here believe that any woman that has options has casual sex and hooks up, even while dating others. To me, that's highly unattractive if a woman does that. I supposed if you use that logic, you could apply it to men as well.

 

 

The question is, if an individual has options(male or female), do they have casual sex?

 

 

I personally have casual sex because I have no options except having casual sex. My other alternative is not to have any attention and sex at all.

If a woman has options and wants to have serious relationship with her guy, she would not hook up with other guys because her relationship would end because of infidelity. For a woman, finding the right man for a serious relationship is on the top of the list. But, random hookups with different guys is on the bottom of the list if she is a hopeless loser or even they are not on the list at all if she has good self-esteem and no emotional problems.