Star Gazer Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I would agree with this, most guys would hate this but it's the only thing that makes sense to me. Yeah, there are definitely guys that don't like this approach, but I know myself well enough to know it's the only way I can handle it. The thought of sleeping with someone who's still seeing other girls makes me want to ... I just don't have it in me.
Woggle Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Most other men cerainly don't have my back. I'm their competition. Even though I'm extremely weak competition, they still want me to fail. Which is why men in general are failing these days. We need to look out for each other.
meerkat stew Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 This is your experience, obviously. It was not mine, nor that of most of my friends. How much of yours and your friends' experience has taken place during the age of "hook-ups" and FWBs? Most of my enlightenment as to the true state of gender habits has come from experience in the last ten or so years and watching my friends -be- the FWB to dozens and dozens of women over the last 20 years. As an example, one of my best female friends, a quality woman otherwise, used to complain to me when she couldn't get the man she wanted in a relationship. My response was always, "you aren't ready for a relationship yourself, you still have that dude who comes by once a week after work and 'services' you (her term not mine)" to which she would reply, "well he doesn't count." More often than not, these days, women have a "he doesn't count" or even several of them. Men who refuse to open their eyes to this do so at their own peril.
Woggle Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I have heard the he doesn't count stuff a lot as well. Everybody counts. I had sex buddies when I was single as well but within two weeks of dating my wife they were dropped and they certainly did count.
Author Mad Max Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 How much of yours and your friends' experience has taken place during the age of "hook-ups" and FWBs? Most of my enlightenment as to the true state of gender habits has come from experience in the last ten or so years and watching my friends -be- the FWB to dozens and dozens of women over the last 20 years. As an example, one of my best female friends, a quality woman otherwise, used to complain to me when she couldn't get the man she wanted in a relationship. My response was always, "you aren't ready for a relationship yourself, you still have that dude who comes by once a week after work and 'services' you (her term not mine)" to which she would reply, "well he doesn't count." More often than not, these days, women have a "he doesn't count" or even several of them. Men who refuse to open their eyes to this do so at their own peril. Yet she complains she can't find a guy for a relationship. Women like that are not relationship material. This is why STDs are so common. This is also why I refuse to have an FWB. I can't trust her to sleep with only me.
Stung Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 How much of yours and your friends' experience has taken place during the age of "hook-ups" and FWBs? Most of my enlightenment as to the true state of gender habits has come from experience in the last ten or so years and watching my friends -be- the FWB to dozens and dozens of women over the last 20 years. I have several currently single and dating friends, and most of my married friends were only married within the last five years. I met my husband five years ago, but I was actively dating for the fifteen or so years before that. There is overlap with the FWB/hookup era. I have known people who tried out FWB situations, most of whom chose against pursuing that as some kind of regular dating alternative or supplement. While it is naive to assume that everyone in the early stages of dating is focused on only one person, it's overly jaded to assume that everyone in the early stages of dating is sleeping with multiple other people. In my own experience and observation there are still many serial monogamists out there, and many relationships that start because of sustained personal interest in just one person.
Woggle Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 If a person wants a position which in this case is a relationship then they should make themselves the best possible candidate for it but if you tell many women that they call you a misogynist.
Stung Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 This is also why I refuse to have an FWB. I can't trust her to sleep with only me. If you have a FWB who is required to only sleep with you, why not just admit she is actually your girlfriend?
Author Mad Max Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 If you have a FWB who is required to only sleep with you, why not just admit she is actually your girlfriend? Just because you're sleeping together, doesn't mean you're in a relationship. Not sure why people sleep around like that with all those STDs going around. And for the women that do sleep around, they don't realize that there are consequences for their actions. Even if they don't get an STD, no decent man will consider them girlfriend material.
meerkat stew Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 there must be a handful of very, very busy attractive guys. Yes? Does the top 10th percentile 'service' 60%+ of all women? It's a serious question. Bingo. Absolutely. I suspect you yourself are in the top 10% and don't realize it. I have been on both sides at various points in my life, and when I have been at my best in the standard criteria, they come out of everywhere seeking me out for sex. And I'm nowhere near as good at conducting this kind of thing as my friends. I don't seek it out actually, and prefer monogamy. When you are male and in the top 5-10%, you learn what it means to "be as an average woman" as far as romantic and sexual opportunities go. You have to beat them off with a stick AND you get to hear about the guys they are dating at the time, almost always portrayed negatively. At that point, you wake up, and truth will set you free. Women are just as randy as men, and combine that with greater opportunities and you come to the conclusion that most of them are having sex with someone when you meet them, and will continue having sex with that dude or dudes until the new relationship is firmly established. I've been every type of male in this scenario many times in life, and bet you have also whether you realized it at the time or not. Though the link to the PUA site posted earlier seemed to be written by Beavis or Butthead, there is actually lots of truth to it, though I wouldn't categorize it as some "secret society," just the state of affairs where modern sexual habits are concerned. For the rest of the guys? especially below ~70%, Nada. This is the whole raison d etre of the PUA community, average men do not have an "average" amount of opportunities. I know a lot of single women and yes, if they're willing to hook up with guys who send them pictures of their junk on OKCupid, yeah, they could have a dating bonanza. Luckily, most have more self-respect than that. Straw man. So, if I read you correctly, attractive women get hit on and attractive guys don't, unless they seek it out? That's different from how things have always been how? Poster claims that women rarely terminate a relationship until the new "branch" is firm. You gender neutralize that poster's statement. I respond that whereas women get approached and offered opportunities for the next "branch" innately without proactive effort that would endanger their existing relationship, men generally have to proactively seek out the next branch, usually endangering the existing relationship to do so. Apples oranges, and I stand by that.
Author Mad Max Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 Not that I disagree with you Stung, but sleeping with multiple people at the same time is too risky and I can't be with someone that is that careless. If they're that careless with sex, they're careless in other areas of life as well.
Author Mad Max Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 When you are male and in the top 5-10%, you learn what it means to "be as an average woman" as far as romantic and sexual opportunities go. You have to beat them off with a stick AND you get to hear about the guys they are dating at the time, almost always portrayed negatively. At that point, you wake up, and truth will set you free. Women are just as randy as men, and combine that with greater opportunities and you come to the conclusion that most of them are having sex with someone when you meet them, and will continue having sex with that dude or dudes until the new relationship is firmly established. I've been every type of male in this scenario many times in life, and bet you have also whether you realized it at the time or not. And that's why they suck at relationships. They have no relationship skills because all they know how to do is f*ck. I modeled for a store and rate me however you like, but there are good looking men that want a girlfriend and one that isn't sleeping with someone when they meet. No wonder the divorce rate is at 50%.
Philetus Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Just because you're sleeping together, doesn't mean you're in a relationship. Not sure why people sleep around like that with all those STDs going around. And for the women that do sleep around, they don't realize that there are consequences for their actions. Even if they don't get an STD, no decent man will consider them girlfriend material. I get what you're saying and I have no issues with it at all. However, it cuts both ways. I have a vast network or friends and acquaintances and people talk. Everyone knows who the 'man-whores' are and they are equally at risk for STDs and decent women don't consider them boyfriend material.
Star Gazer Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Straw man. Did you have lunch at Soup Plantation?
Author Mad Max Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I get what you're saying and I have no issues with it at all. However, it cuts both ways. I have a vast network or friends and acquaintances and people talk. Everyone knows who the 'man-whores' are and they are equally at risk for STDs and decent women don't consider them boyfriend material. Apparently, what it comes down to is decency is gone and that people don't care about their own health.
EasyHeart Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I'm in the group of people who won't have sex outside of an exclusive relationship. Even when I was young and wasn't interested in anything serious, I never slept with more than one woman at a time. There's something about that that I'm just not comfortable with. Maybe there are just people who are interested in having multiple sex partners and those that aren't. I would never date a woman if I were sleeping with another, and when I ask a woman on a date and she signifies that she's available, I assume that she is not sleeping with anyone. And I think it's pretty ****ty for a woman to go out with guy when she has a F-Buddy or FWB or whatever. I have no problem with dating more than one woman at a time, but when I reach the point that I decide that I want to sleep with one of them, I let the other ones know I don't want to date them anymore. And if a woman does that with me, I have no problem with it; in fact, I usually assume any woman I meet is dating other guys. But if she's sleeping with one or more of them, I would expect her to tell me that she's not available.
AverageJoe Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Ah Max you misguided soul, but I am looking out for you buddy. Here is what you do. You go to one of those nice hotel lounges downtown. You have one of those? Good. Walk in and look for the ladies sitting at the bar usually carrying one of those bead purses. She will be sporting one of those menopausal mustaches and have a developing turkey neck. Dont pay any attention to that, her last egg has dropped and that is sometimes the result. You will know you have hit the jackpot when the perfume she is wearing flares your nostrils. You go up and offer her a whisky, yeah whisky. I know its a bit stout but, hey, she has earned it pal. I think you will find she isnt having relations with anyone else, she is probably already a bit tanked from the previous whisky shots before you showed up and ready to be honest about everything. Then when you are ready, move in for the kill you stud. She isnt sleeping with anyone else, neither are you. She has been honest and so have you. Win win. You two and the wicker furniture will be living happily ever after. I am rooting for you buddy. Make me proud.
meerkat stew Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Did you have lunch at Soup Plantation? Haha, had to google that, as never heard of it. Sorry, I don't understand the reference.
Star Gazer Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Haha, had to google that, as never heard of it. Sorry, I don't understand the reference. Long timers here will... If they notice it.
Alma Mobley Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 Long timers here will... If they notice it. Haha, that was one of the funniest posts I've ever read here.
tigressA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 How do you date multiple people for who knows how long and not kiss multiple people at once? I can't imagine what it must be like to have all these options and it's clear those with lots of options use those who are lucky to get one date every several months. It's not the fault of those who have options that others don't get as many dates. Don't blame people who happen to have a lot of opportunity; that won't get you anywhere. And kissing multiple people is a lot of fun, FYI.
Author Mad Max Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 And kissing multiple people is a lot of fun, FYI. Kissing multiple people is trashy.
tigressA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Kissing multiple people is trashy. Different strokes for different folks.
Stung Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Kissing multiple people is trashy. I've never been one for sleeping with multiple people at the same time, and have always conducted myself ethically in my relationships. I agreed with you that the girl in your OP, since you asked her straight out and she lied by omission, was unethical. But man, you come off super rigid and judgmental in this thread.
skydiveaddict Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 [quote name= The question is, if an individual has options(male or female), do they have casual sex?[/quote] Yes, nearly always
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