tman666 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I know this is a stressful patch for him, but still, it just made me feel like s!ht when he kicked me out of his apt as soon as he woke up after he'd been out of the country for a week. Saying he'd give me a call toward the end of the week, maybe he could do something Sunday, but I'm seeing on Facebook, there's a party he's agreed to go to instead. Yah, wtf is wrong with me that I am clinging to this...? Come on now, you don't deserve to have to waste your youth with someone like this. If it were me, I wouldn't even make a big deal of it. Just let him know that you're no longer going to be seeing him and then move on.
Author spookie Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 Ugh guys I am so sorry for going so psycho on you, but the devil's advocate inside of me is saying: But you told him, "have a great week!" with a smile. He might have NO IDEA you feel this way!! But at the end of the day, the facts are: -this relationship is NOT giving me what I want -there is barely any emotional connection (probably bottom 20% of all the people I know) -I DON'T trust him... because I've seen him in action, when he was picking me up while he had a gf -I had higher self-esteem (if less to do) when I was single -I cling because I "respect" him for his "accomplishments". But isn't it about time I respected my own potential, and focused on that, instead??
tman666 Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 And now I am blaming myself for not being able to make it work. Ugh. Thoughts flashing through my mind: Not fun enough. Not smart enough. Doormat. Butt acne. But you know... even if all the above were true, I still deserve someone who loves me. Or rather, I don't deserve someone who doesn't. You have to shed those negative thoughts. Do you like yourself? Do you believe that you deserve to love and be loved in return? I don't mean to get all Dr. Phil on you, but in some of your posts, you almost sound afraid that you won't find what you're looking for. It sounds to me like your soon to be ex boyfriend has gotten so used to the notion that you'll always be there that he now believes that he can get the goodies from you while simultaneously acting like a single guy. If this were ok with you, you wouldn't be feeling like a doormat. You wouldn't be feeling rejected within the confines of your relationship. Be brave. There's someone better out there.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 spookie, I went through a lot of this, too. I NEVER questioned myself more than I did when I was with that joker. All you can do here is: just do it. It's going to hurt like hell. I'm sorry, it is. But you'll heal. And once you do it, you can dust off your self-respect and put him in the past.
Author spookie Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 You have to shed those negative thoughts. Do you like yourself? Do you believe that you deserve to love and be loved in return? I don't mean to get all Dr. Phil on you, but in some of your posts, you almost sound afraid that you won't find what you're looking for. It sounds to me like your soon to be ex boyfriend has gotten so used to the notion that you'll always be there that he now believes that he can get the goodies from you while simultaneously acting like a single guy. If this were ok with you, you wouldn't be feeling like a doormat. You wouldn't be feeling rejected within the confines of your relationship. Be brave. There's someone better out there. Does that not mean it's my fault it's gotten to this? How do I draw boundaries between being giving and understanding, and not getting walked all over? My personal philosophy has always been, I don't want to be with someone who would WANT to walk all over me whether I made it easy or not, but that hasn't gotten me far. (Although, I HAVE met people who fell into this category.)
Author spookie Posted August 31, 2010 Author Posted August 31, 2010 spookie, I went through a lot of this, too. I NEVER questioned myself more than I did when I was with that joker. All you can do here is: just do it. It's going to hurt like hell. I'm sorry, it is. But you'll heal. And once you do it, you can dust off your self-respect and put him in the past. *Sigh* Thanks Ruby. I've been through similar situations myself, so at least I know what to expect. I'm so adept at breakups that I'm pretty sure the heartbreak period won't take longer than a couple of days before I drag myself out of it. I mean, I know there's no point either in wallowing in self-pity or reminiscing about good times long-gone.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 31, 2010 Posted August 31, 2010 I'm so adept at breakups that I'm pretty sure the heartbreak period won't take longer than a couple of days before I drag myself out of it. I mean, I know there's no point either in wallowing in self-pity or reminiscing about good times long-gone. Pain and grieving are personal, but I do encourage you to let it out, and don't rush it. I strongly believe that when you REALLY let yourself feel pain, then let it go, it's gone for good. But most people suppress it and hold it in, so it goes underskin and settles into their soul. Let it make its ruckus like a big old baby, then let it go and move on.
Author spookie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Can I break up with him over the phone? I haven't heard from him since Sunday morning, when he kicked me out of his apartment after the booty call after we'd gone a week without seeing each other. We have no plans for this weekend. I feel kind of weird making plans just to break up, I'd rather do it over the phone.
shadowplay Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Can I break up with him over the phone? I haven't heard from him since Sunday morning, when he kicked me out of his apartment after the booty call after we'd gone a week without seeing each other. We have no plans for this weekend. I feel kind of weird making plans just to break up, I'd rather do it over the phone. Of course you can. It would be different if it were a serious relationship, and you felt like you'd be breaking his heart. is he out of town or something?
meerkat stew Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I don't like this thread as much since seeing the "digging the boss" thread
Author spookie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Of course you can. It would be different if it were a serious relationship, and you felt like you'd be breaking his heart. is he out of town or something? No, he's busy with grad school.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I don't like this thread as much since seeing the "digging the boss" thread If this guy offered her the kind of relationship that spookie is after, I am sure she would have forgotten all about the boss.
Pink Cupcakes Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I say just act like you've broken up without doing it. If you call or text to break up, it's basically showing weakness in that his reluctance is bothering you. He might be pulling the "slow fade" on you in his own method of breaking up with you - don't give him the satisfaction of calling and showing it's bothering you, just live your life as if you ARE broken up. (Which really you are.)
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