"I took him to the cleaners"

[Spark1111]

As of this morning my D is final. We did not have to go to trial after all.

I am feeling plenty of extreme emotions of course.

 

Yes, according to many it looks as though I "took him to the cleaners". I hit him where it hurt thats for sure. But they dont know the facts, they dont know the circumstances. His cheating had nothing to do with what I got and what I didnt. Never came up. The settlement was all based on legal facts, with little negotiation (actually, I just wouldnt budge so there was none).

 

Sure, his cheating was the main factor in motivating me to divorce in the first place. Main factor in motivating me to NOT budge on the terms I wanted. Did I get more than my share? Probably. But you know what? I swallowed way more than my share during the marriage.

 

He hurt my feelings. I hurt his bank account. Whats more important? Love or money?? To me, its love. Tom him, its money. So - I guess we both lose.

 

Prior to today, I have continued to feel betrayed, lost, unloved, angry, and stupid. I have continued to feel that our marriage suffered senseless and needless abuse via the hand of my beloved H. I miss him. I love him.

It has been difficult for me to avoid, ignore, steel myself against his endless pleadings to get back together.

 

But today...HE is angry. So, I have been relieved of the burden of being the cold one to protect myself from him. Me? No, I'm a bit sad, a lot disillusioned...but carrying anger around?? NO. Thats why I "took him to the cleaners."

 

And you know what else? I feel a lot better about myself. I can look myself in the eye again in the mirror and not be ashamed of my choices.

 

((((((((((((((((((2sure)))))))))))))))))))))

[donnamaybe]

I'm not "one of those kind of women" either. I think that the "kind" of woman who roots for the person who was wronged and who got her day in court in her favor may make them one who stands up to someone who tries to screw 'em over.

[2sure]

The largest sticking point between us turned out to be my daughter's high school tuition for the next 4 years. We married 5 years ago, she is not his daughter. But together we made plans for her which she embraced. The past 5 years of her life has been ripped from beneath her...It was important to me that HE make something good come out of their relationship, so that she could look back on it and know he did care and continues to. I could have paid it sure. But I think for her the best thing is for him to pay it. I dont want my daughter walking around feeling abandon and I'm hoping this helps.

[bentnotbroken]

The largest sticking point between us turned out to be my daughter's high school tuition for the next 4 years. We married 5 years ago, she is not his daughter. But together we made plans for her which she embraced. The past 5 years of her life has been ripped from beneath her...It was important to me that HE make something good come out of their relationship, so that she could look back on it and know he did care and continues to. I could have paid it sure. But I think for her the best thing is for him to pay it. I dont want my daughter walking around feeling abandon and I'm hoping this helps.

 

 

I am sorry you are hurting, but the pain of the children really get me. I think being taken to the cleaners is a relative term. What did I consider enough for me. May not have been enough(or too much)for someone else. I got what I wanted and needed and for that I am happy to be one of "those kind of women":cool: and not one of "those kind of women":p. In the end we all get exactly what we earned and deserve.....good or bad.

[donnamaybe]

In the end we all get exactly what we earned and deserve.....good or bad.

And we most likely earned SOME of it because we were willing to stand up for ourselves.

[Woggle]

I know Woggle:rolleyes:same song, same dance. :love:

 

It's true though.

[Woggle]

Nobody is saying women should be a doormat but it is the gender bias that gets to me. I was cheated on, emotionally, verbally and at times physically abused in my marriage plus I was falsely accused of physically abusing and raping her and to top it off was shot at after the marriage. With all this I did not get a dime from her and if she weren't sent to prison chances are I would be paying her alimony and she would have my house because she was gearing up to go for it before the shooting so yes I do see this in terms of gender because that is what it was about in my case.

[flying]

It's true though.

 

Except for the many times when it isn't.

 

I was a BS and I know a few male BS, including the exH of a now-former friend. She was just awful to him, he finally divorced her and yep, he got the kids. I thought that was justice.

[Spark1111]

Nobody is saying women should be a doormat but it is the gender bias that gets to me. I was cheated on, emotionally, verbally and at times physically abused in my marriage plus I was falsely accused of physically abusing and raping her and to top it off was shot at after the marriage. With all this I did not get a dime from her and if she weren't sent to prison chances are I would be paying her alimony and she would have my house because she was gearing up to go for it before the shooting so yes I do see this in terms of gender because that is what it was about in my case.

 

Woggle, I am so sorry for what you went through.

 

And if you had gone through that, and had to pay alimony, that would have been a terrible, terrible injustice.

 

Talk about adding insult to injury!

 

But the truth is, in most divorces, the man's standard of living often remains the same if not increases following a divorce. A woman's declines, often dramatically so, especially if she was a SAHM.

 

That's the truth of it. Yet there are both men and women who have used and abused the legal system to enact vindictive retribution on the other spouse.

 

When we say she or he "took them to the cleaners" and are happy about it, I guess it seemed justified and well deserved in the court of public opinion; the wronged party got some justice whether it be it assests, custodial rights or whatever.

 

When the wronged party gets screwed over, we generally ask, "who the hell was his or her lawyer?" and shake our heads in disbelief.

[Mimolicious]

As of this morning my D is final. We did not have to go to trial after all.

I am feeling plenty of extreme emotions of course.

 

Yes, according to many it looks as though I "took him to the cleaners". I hit him where it hurt thats for sure. But they dont know the facts, they dont know the circumstances. His cheating had nothing to do with what I got and what I didnt. Never came up. The settlement was all based on legal facts, with little negotiation (actually, I just wouldnt budge so there was none).

 

Sure, his cheating was the main factor in motivating me to divorce in the first place. Main factor in motivating me to NOT budge on the terms I wanted. Did I get more than my share? Probably. But you know what? I swallowed way more than my share during the marriage.

 

He hurt my feelings. I hurt his bank account. Whats more important? Love or money?? To me, its love. Tom him, its money. So - I guess we both lose.

 

Prior to today, I have continued to feel betrayed, lost, unloved, angry, and stupid. I have continued to feel that our marriage suffered senseless and needless abuse via the hand of my beloved H. I miss him. I love him.

It has been difficult for me to avoid, ignore, steel myself against his endless pleadings to get back together.

 

But today...HE is angry. So, I have been relieved of the burden of being the cold one to protect myself from him. Me? No, I'm a bit sad, a lot disillusioned...but carrying anger around?? NO. Thats why I "took him to the cleaners."

 

And you know what else? I feel a lot better about myself. I can look myself in the eye again in the mirror and not be ashamed of my choices.

 

2Sure (BUG HUGS) homie! I promise, it only gets better with time. Thinking of you! and I am glad that is a done (legal) deal.

[NoIDidn't]

Hugs, 2sure.

 

It doesn't matter that anyone on the outside looking in may think that you "took him to the cleaners". The truth is, you got what you got legally and it was probably his guilt and hope that led him to accept your non-negotiation. He's likely angry now because....it didn't work. You divorced him anyway, and he gave away the farm hoping you would change your mind.

 

The worst is behind you (at least legally).

 

Take it easy. Its so common for the finalization of a divorce to come with sadness, even when you wanted it or felt like it was what you had to do to protect yourself from further emotional harm.

 

Personally, I don't find you, the woman in the OP, or Momolicious materialistic in the least. Its not your fault that the men you were married to were men of means.

[WowReally]

I overheard this today. Actually, I didn't really overhear, she intentionally said it loud enough for everyone to hear..

 

"I'm moving back home. My husband got caught with his mistress, and I took him to the cleaners! He had a $900,000 retirement account, and guess who got all of it? I did! And guess who got everything else? She (the mistress) tried to tell me that he was divorced, but I didn't believe any of it. I've bought a nice new car, and a nice new home. With everything I got, I am set for life. I got it all, and she got a big sack of sh-, well, nothin!"

 

Anyway, I thought some might get a kick out of that.

 

Im guessing this guy cheated on the wife multiple times? Most couples fight for the marriage before going for the wallet. Where I am its a no fault state so that would not have happened.

[NancyBotwin]

Im guessing this guy cheated on the wife multiple times? Most couples fight for the marriage before going for the wallet. Where I am its a no fault state so that would not have happened.

I don't know WowReally. I only know what I posted in the OP. We live in a fault state, so the settlement wasn't unusual to me.

 

I hope she is happy now.